welcome to the bring intimacy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with yourself your significant other children and family friends community and your higher power this show is for you that's we explore intimate topics inspiring life stories spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April ever tell those dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April dr. Kelly welcome to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real welcome. To Kelly how are you doing today fantastic figured out I was drinking caffeine caffeine free decal
I thought it was the daylight saving time but I bought the wrong clock and I'm not kidding, I finally got that for you before we get started until I shall I want to talk to the audience about patreon because we are really trying to provide out audience with such quality shows and so now we've partner out with me and we have a $5 a month prescription to get bonus content to intrude tips and stuff and dr. Kelly and also from Madewell going to have a tip a wig and some bonus things going on and so if you're interested in learning more about the show getting some insights into it please sign up to patreon go to patreon Vib podcast Yes And subscribe there so you know I have a copy exactly yeah yeah yeah I don't know what you get paid per hour
do detectives from dr. April said something when I was working by the hour and other people are attending my schedule in that kind of stuff the one think that I felt like I didn't have with a voice
you know and so what I'm so happy about today so it's about finding your voice you know which is like empowering
yeah it's empowering I am listening today with both ears
what's my heart yes yes yes cuz I think when you find your voice you actually find your value and so today we should a person who has not only found her voice she's found her value and she is amazing I would like to welcome to the Shell Ashley pranati welcome Ashley for having me what an honor yes yes so let me tell you guys a little bit about Ashley so Ashley is the founder of Nadia media which is a nationally renowned. Media relations and media training from firm she's a former Network producer did you know that so she was in the background of a CBS early show in the morning yes so she's also co-host her award-winning podcast girls two girls talking with
is the podcast of girls sitting there talking about a variety of things about finding their voices and motherhood and working and all that kind of stuff
but they think that all sucked me that's amazing but one of the things that I found was amazing about her life is how she grew up she grew up and her father when I think she's around 11 past away from a sudden heart attack and how they changed her life and then also she's had to struggle with the a disease which is also like you know really shattered her life until between all the stuff of being you know when you see about all except me like Mom she's been such great thanks know this woman has to fight trauma and that is kind of also what she's writing and her new book that's coming out soon called not so strong so Ashley welcome to the show you know I have to be honest this is really one of the first times that I'm sharing more about my like personal life and Trauma I'm usually out there on stage is talking about finding
boy sharing your message and now I'm like well okay we're going to go to gym today I'm ready I'm ready let's go let's go in case of things that we act out our guess since we did show is about intimacy okay how do you actually Define intimacy
can be defined with like first yourself like getting intimate with yourself connecting with yourself going with then you can be intimate with yourself by like really going within and finding that connection for me it might look like meditating or writing I can get it I get very intimate with myself when I'm writing and I get a lot of that word way that you express yourself you can express yourself instantly and it doesn't mean like that special connection it could if you wanted it to be but getting intimate with someone is really expressing your true authentic a lot of it is like finding that inner voice and expressing it out words and authentic way that's what is Misty can look like and so I know you were in this this book what made you decide to share with the girl about your intimate moments that make you
I wrote not those strong first I was inspired when the pandemic happened because when it started happening I felt like the world was going through a collective trauma which we were and we still are and I said to myself will be I've been here before I've been into space in this like intimate space with trauma what and I also at the same time I have access to some of the world's greatest healer they're my friends they're my clients because my work as a publicist so I said I want to write about my experience and I want to offer hope the people because while these moments can are very very scary and we should honor them is as we're feeling them I don't want people to push these feelings aside or bury them and not experienced them in real time because what I did when my dad died when I was 11 years old and it was very traumatic he was at home
birth at home my mom is at home and he suffered a sudden death heart attack and I tried to save his life by moms are just the three of us tried to say this way doing CPR back and forth I went and get the got the neighbors think he died and that changed my whole life trajectory but what I did was I buried that trauma within I went back to school week later I don't know why I like that Society think that's okay but I had no idea fairy how I was feeling I felt angry and felt guilty
I didn't talk about it even as I grew up I didn't want to tell my friends my dad died I was just holding the even though I had therapist to try the help of course my mom my family but all everyone tried to help with this was really an inside job for Ashley so fast forward into my early thirties I had spent a very long. Of my life ignoring that so how did that come out it came out in other ways and people-pleasing through alcohol through destructive relationships I mean really just not taking good care of myself because I just kept like avoiding those yucky Nessie into MIT emotions and I wasn't I wasn't moving to them they were just getting stuck in my body so my early thirties I had gotten married and I had two little kids at home I started physically getting really ill like
the point where I thought it was the flu I thought it was a stomach bug I started losing all this way and it turns out I had and I ended up suffering for about a year after I had my third child that's when the illness is was a mystery on this at this point I'm like 10 fold I was hospitalized I was taken by the ambulance to the hospital I lost my vision I literally couldn't see all I saw was flashing lights in my vision and finally after months and months of this and I was I was at my point of Despair I wanted to die I was asking God like please take me don't want to live like this anymore and for the sake of my family I don't want to live like this anymore I don't want them to suffer anymore I'm ready let's go I'm done God had other plans for me but it was at that moment where I started
crustacean with God that I found that there were so many emotions that started coming out of me but I will say I was diagnosed with chronic lyme disease so I was treated with an IV PICC line but that physical healing was only one component Lyme disease was my greatest gift because that opened up the door that I have been ignoring for how many years of my life and all the trauma came out it all came out the anger the sadness the Greek and it came out here that came out through the illness it was just overloaded because I had spent my whole life holding it in and and out it came so what did I do I started I started meditating I started with 30 seconds and getting up to 30 minutes I started breathing I started doing yoga I started focusing on my spirituality talking to Spirit guides letting my
earring start starting to come out through what I call sacred writing speaking the spiritual Mentor is joining the church or long plus processor me to healing and this was about five years ago today so now I can say that and this is why I wrote the book late I have been there I've been in the depths of Despair I know how you feel I am with you this and that make it hard but if you allow yourself to actually feel and prophecies emotions as they're coming up your life is going to change and going to change for the better and it can be so magical so that's what inspired me long answer to that's what inspired me to write not so strong because the other part of my entire life I was told that I was so strong you're so strong you know you just dumb you're so strong you just saved your Dad's life and my dad was an army colonel he's so strong so you got to be like a soldier's daughter and I always felt anything but strong
but deciding culture had told me that I should put on this massive strength so I did and it was my detriment it nearly killed me by faking it they say fake it till you make it but I think that is the most inaccurate and unhealthy thing that you could ever tell yourself or someone because that is telling someone to push their true feelings and emotions to steep within and not process them so that's where the book was born
look at that vulnerability wow I'm just wondering what a voice and I just imagined you as an 11 year old girl
like in that traumatic thing happening one of the most stunning things that you said and you said a lot of that in that answer was just sending children back to school a little bit too early we don't understand a lot of people don't so there's a huge grease basis to your book and then the trauma and then also the spirituality that were so encouraging
Euro I mean that one point on grief I was just talking to a friend earlier today who's the doctor and we were talking about grief and we were talking about that moment of like me going back to school week later and see what's wrong with society that like back in the day or just like in other cultures people used to wear like a black wrap around their arm for a year to show that they were in the grieving process we no longer do that and we were also talking and relating it's in the pandemic where the whole entire culture is still in this like PTSD mode like I'm sure you all know I have friends who have passed away from this deadly virus has anyone really process was happening like the number of deaths that were experiencing in our country we haven't collectively grieve together and I think that's going to be at our detriment a couple years later if we're not going to allow herself to go through and feel what we're feeling right now and I don't think we are as a society it's going to come out worse several years from now
same way it did for me like it so actually I'm in your story talked about being in the hospital and then give them a little bit of relief from the pain
and then how that open up I'm just still I'm like stuck there so many hospital visits and actually in the middle of all this there's another layer in that while after I had my baby in the symptoms all came back I was also diagnosed with postpartum depression and put in and outpatient mental health facilities so like I felt crazy people told me you just you're just anxious because you have three little kids at home and I was like I'm not getting heard I feel like I have the flu every single day but I was like whatever I'm going to go do this and it was good for my mental health I will say that it definitely did help and I talked about this my mental health very very openly because there is such a stigma around it I think it's getting better in our society but we are you still have work to do so
and in the doctor in a doctor's office and I they were doing an exam trying trying to figure things out and I started feeling like I was going to stay and I was like doctor and my mom was like I'm going to think I started like blacking out a lot losing my vision vertigo everything happened and I became an emergency at that point I lost control of my bowels which is very embarrassing to admit it was like what is symbolism my body was trying so that was happening and they tried to give me IV antibiotics and then they got to a point where several doctors is like we're like she needs to go to the vet called ambulance I went my mom that day thought I was going to die but she didn't tell me
that was I thought that was it for you so they stabilize me in the hospital and of course they were like
I had a proper diagnosis and I came home and I was so sick my husband was like taking the kids to my parents house you're just going to have to stay here and we're going to figure out figure it out and I woke up the next morning still feeling terrible I still like it was Vertigo I couldn't get out of bed I try to walk down my stairs and I just tripped and fell and just Cruise like. Thank God that I surrendered I was like I was like this is no problem I need your help and it was whether it was like. Mine's set but like that moment of actual like surrendering myself to a higher power knowing that like okay I'm going to die and I'm cool with that or I'm going to live and if I live is not like none of this is in my control anymore that's really what opened up that door for that spiritual
and things slowly very slowly it's like crawl I can imagine a turtle they started to change but it was the slowest most excruciating yet most beautiful process that I needed my soul needed to really fully heal from the trauma and I'm talking about it like that's the beauty in that that's about I found my voice and here I am sharing the story that I haven't been able to share for 26 27 years because I held it all inside I'm glad it was incremental I'm glad that it was slow because when you were a child you had to rush it you were like get up go back to school so the fact that this was slow and followed a spiritual awakening was actually also a gift it was such a gift and it didn't fit was fast I wouldn't have had a spiritual awakening if my
feeling was so quick I wouldn't be talking to you guys today with a book behind me it none of this would have happened so I do see this that Lyme disease and even postpartum depression and everything I went through as such an incredible guest because I now can use this my voice and it's really more like my soul's boys been like the physical Ashley Bernardi stared like whatever you're going through like you're going to first of all it's temporary one the other thing give it up to a higher power by yourself to feel and move through it and there's so many different ways that I teach that in my book to that's wrong will thank you so much for sharing that because it shows how you are responsible and surrender and I'm actually today I was hearing on something and it said how we should sometimes thank God for the things that he did not do it is it's just a reminder
that's how he did not heal you fast
but how and he did not have your life become perfect how he actually heals you slowly but how when you became so Bonnabel and you surrender outside help you find your voice and so yes it's amazing we're going to take a short break when we get back we're going to talk more about finding your voice before we going to break though I would love to share with everyone about our
thing that we're doing this month I sure did the Monica freely give which is a non-profit for empowering women and I talked about it for a few weeks but the other thing about freely give and just to let you guys know it actually helps and feed those in need but we're in a pandemic like now and that's you know great so we can take a short break and when we come back we're going to hear more about her upcoming but are you going to take a vacation in Paradise vacation to rekindle the passion without the kids learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation April Brown has created vacation counseling and Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner will retrieve our one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat
your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and dr. April's other services we encourage you to sign up for a monthly newsletter called in April brown.com remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you are looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be your next vacation in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real today with talking with Ashley pranati and she's just sharing with us on how the traumatic trauma that she experienced as a young kid and even as a mother of three with Lyme disease and how she's surrender and how that led to her finding her voice so actually I know if my finding your voice and you have a message how are those things connected in different size from not so strong my day job is I have the incredible opportunity to teach people how to communicate their messages so that there are remembered understood so relatable what I always say and especially after going through this experience is that your mess can be your Masterpiece your mess is your message and it's so funny that I taught this for so long
but I wasn't but now that I am things are changing like I'm helping people I'm being of service to the world it's my it's more it's more than just me it's like my higher power allowing me to be a service so your voice in your messages really you're sharing your authentic true self and there are several components that can help you be relatable to that such as using empathy and even using your credibility and is like you need to stay to share your voice into be remembered you need to build trust with your audience so by sharing my experience losing my dad so young that doesn't make me like a credible, expert but it all if it also makes me makes the audience say I can trust her because she's definitely been through a lot of adversity and so I teach all this but I I will say the most important
singing sharing your voice to speak about like first like one you want to keep it positive I always say like using positive language there's a huge difference and negative words and positive words and even the word know is negative I don't know I can't I don't think what are some positive equivalence right so like by Misha and I messaged a line was my greatest gift in life lesson I want to keep it positive because I want to inspire people so when you think of ways that you can find your voice and share it I want it to be positive I think no matter what like I found I can find a positive and losing my dad in front of me and going through Lyme disease I'm pretty sure anyone can find the positive in their message but it also goes into like honor your your mess and you can call it your mess I call it my mess and being willing to be vulnerable and share that with the world I promise you you will change lives by doing that what would you say to some
he who has a mess has a message but they are so scared to be that person so here you went from helping so many people find their voice and then all the sudden it how you stepped over through this trauma this really personal personal one is an adult like what would you say to him like like what could you say to get them to take that risk to be vulnerable I've been there I know how scary it is to share your voice because I spent most of my life not sharing mine that also teaching people how to find their voice but really I did not share mine and it's for a lot of reasons some of the reasons were some of the first times I would talk about my dad I couldn't get through a sentence without choking up and so what I tell people and this this is really like about finding your voice
practice talking out loud to yourself I really like this this is it sounds like crazy to do but record yourself on your phone sharing your experience to yourself and listen to how that sounds and and by doing that you're like so it doesn't sound that that wasn't that scary right vs like the first time you sharing your message and you're in this like weird environment you're not sure how it's going to come out write it down right so like for me going back to writing sacred writing is so important I want of my clothes mentor is her name is Lee Ann Taylor sheath as spiritual Mentor she taught me all about sacred writing and that's really about free flow writing and sometimes it's me having conversations with Spirit guides my dad use nemex but like just getting it out on paper is one way that it's helped me find my voice for other people I mean if you really want to find your voice speak speak but you don't have to speak to other speaker
do yourself say it out loud whether it's like to chew a mirror into yourself, to share my message on my share it to me today in my mirror and share it on the phone I'm going to share it and on my zoomline you don't need to share it with anyone else but this the factors you need to hear yourself say it. Is the first step to overcoming that fear so I found that once I started talking about my dad out loud I started getting more comfortable sharing it with other people and then once I started writing about more of my dad's experience that's really where the the book start at The Forum but I will say this too and I think this is something very important to note that are two different things I don't write the same way I speak and I can confidently say this because I'm a former Network TV producer so I used to have to write to speak like writing scripts
so when you feel like you want you want to share your voice and you need to think about like what platform do I want to share it on it so first if it's verbally practice saying it out loud verbally without anyone there if you're sharing it let's say on social media era blogger website that's okay to write it but I I I I see them as two separate things but the first like that you must practice you must lead this is not the first time I've talked about my dad's it's the first time I've openly talked about my book involving my dad but not about my dad because I when I first started sharing that I couldn't get it out without getting through a sentence without tears but here I am because I feel so healed and inspired and energized by sharing my journey I can feel like I have something to teach the audience now
that's amazing and I'm glad to you I'm specified that the different platforms you have to be careful on how you say it and making sure you wake me up
yes it's so you want so yes you want to connect with your audience and there are several different ways that I teach that you can do this I talked about using empathy in your message so just think of ways that you can be relatable this makes you more human and less robotic using your credibility like it and like I said it doesn't even your education my credibility is my lyme disease Oye it can be messy experiences I also want you to think of and sharing your message and how to get a remembered tell us a story why because stories are relatable stories are useful people remember stories they remembered the outcomes of stories I tell the story of losing my dad which is a very hard story to tell but it is starts the path of my only right there like I wouldn't if I didn't share that story of losing my dad people would not understand my wife or even writing a book or sharing my message so telling think about the story that you're
you want to tell the other thing is I tell can I teach people keep it simple you want to keep it simple because you want to be able to have people relate to it so as simple as possible I mean I know you have dr. April and Doctor tell you're both experts on likely very complicated subjects but your audience probably isn't so you want to speak to them in simple language so they understand your message so that means like using acronyms larger words like just keeping it as if you're speaking too I say like a middle schooler are above because you want more people to understand what you're saying and then going back to your Shifting the focus from the negative to the positive using positive language to really dry your message board people remember messages that are positive because positive language is more understood it's useful and people can remember you from it rather than causing confusion so with negative language like yeah I don't know
I'm not the expert I didn't eat any language like that causes confusion and it makes you feel like you're listening to you think will what is she talking about and what makes her the expert to talk about that so-called directions for any of your listeners today if you can replace positive language language with any native language in your life I promise you your life is going to change its positive even the word know is negative what can you say instead of saying know what can you say so I didn't does one something another technique that I teach is called power words power words that help you move a conversation Ford in a constructive way you can use them in your message to get to get your audience energize about what you're talkin about a couple examples of Star Wars that I love her I'm motivated by I'm excited about it's a demonstrated that healing is possible using words that energetically lift you up to there for liftoff
starting there I think I feel like I'm going to overload your audience right now you know keep it simple Jesus spoke and very visual visual Parables and he had throngs of people following him and listening to them and wanting to be heal them and just I just had that visual of you being vulnerable telling your story keeping it simple on your lived experience and how encouraging that will be to the people that read your book I feel like I'm in therapy right now this is so therapeutic thank you people listening and nerve
Intermatic situations whether it's the Cove in our covid plus other stop losing their jobs and that kind of stuff and they're listening and they're asking a question I feel like you might begin riding now when I'm in the trauma or do I wait to I've recovered all of this traumatic stuff to question this is what I can share based on my own personal experiences of Endive actually developed a framework for me that I've shared shared in the book that I encourage others to try to see what happened so it's called the feel framework so when you are feeling these traumatic messy emotions so if it's sadness anger grief guilt maybe all the same this is something that I started doing as I was told through healing from Lyme disease and healing on my dramas and I was like oh well I'm I'm really allowing myself
and then I thought about it and I was like here it is first I focus on the emotion you identify it what is that emotion you're feeling some sometimes you can't put a name to it and that's okay sometimes it's just that you physically feel it in your body you know like when you get anxious or sometimes I sweat sometimes I stayed but like you're focusing on that right and this can be done when you're meditating or just close your eyes and focus right then next enter into that emotion like go into the eye of the hurricane and turn on stairway from a go into it all right anger wearing it on let's go fly yeah there is my shoulders are tense and you're like all right I'm here let's go and like really sit and read on it and meditated and then that goes to my next e2f is focus enter and then the next
he is experienced it this is the really uncomfortable part this is why we avoid our emotions because we know they feel really itchy uncomfortable and messy right so you have to allow yourself to experience it if you are angry you sit there and you let that anger out like in and maybe it's like you're screaming right and I talked a lot about about releasing emotions and Primal ways in my book but like however you want to experience that emotion let it happen screaming clenching crying laughing physically experienced it you can also if you're like I don't want to physically experienced it in majan what. Experience feels like but the whole process is that you need to move through that emotion so it's not stuck right this is I mean I found the last is L learn so learn from this emotion what
your daddy shoes so I can even add two other elves at the end of it like being you listen to that emotion what is it telling you that have a conversation with it angry because what are you here to tell me in person but then this is so important to love that emotion love it why are human bodies are so incredible we feel anger and anger should be a gift because it's alerting us to something that's bubbling up for us it's not something that we should push down and avoid and put the dumpster it's it's it's very much like yoga is moving through it you're moving through it to love it back thank you anger I feel better after you go through this steel framework right see how you feel the motion is very likely still going to be there I'm not like this isn't like the magic wand like get rid of your emotions it's still going to be there but you're going to be feeling it
in a different way you might be high in a different way and you're going to be okay with it like that's the whole process that I have used that I'm encouraging people to try in in their own lies were at wherever they're feeling and it can look out at the field Bremerton. However you want you can do it in the car you're driving your kids you can sit and close your eyes and meditate you can right through it the feel Focus enter experience what did I do to experience I like through pillow against the wall whatever and then listen and love it back love it because anything kit for being there for you so that's my long answer I love your long answer I got this visual of the whack a mole like back in the day when you got to go into buildings and play game
knock it down and I used to take plans into like Chuck-E-Cheese in some of these places and I would let him just beat those moles just like get that sublimation you get the anger out I'm getting this visual now that what I should do is actually okay let's stay there I don't want you to have I don't want you to have to sublimate this and send it somewhere else thank you I'm going to be able to help more people because I'm a tree framed that called you to stay with that and anger is not wrong otherwise we have a savior that was a sinner okay anger be angry and sin not so they say but back to this thank you that is something that all apply to my personal life and help my clients with I'm so happy to hear that and you just nailed it with my subtitle of the book is give yourself permission to feel and we don't as a society we don't allow
self to feel and like I get emotional like I'm feeling just even feeling that like our culture our society doesn't like weeds we hear our kids cry we tell him stop crying so wrong what kind of message is that that's like childhood trauma right there we can babies stop crying crying for a reason so so my message to everyone today is just give yourself permission to feel however you're feeling love that feeling honor it work through the steel framework to maybe experience the feeling in a different way like I said my whole goal isn't to like have that feeling go away because it's likely not but you're going to be looking at it in a different way and you might learn something from and by loving it I think it's going to love you back house thank you so much yeah and I love that part of giving us permission to feel you know I'm going to take a short break
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Welcome back to the bringing it's Missy show where intimacy is real we can talk him with Ashley but not it and she was just explaining to us so much about being able to feel and how this culture and our society don't want us I mentioned they don't want us but we're trained not to feel you know and when we start to feel a lot of fuss me a boy day do we pour alcohol or we do other things get into other addictions so we don't feel we kind of know myself so right away from it yes yes and so we open it up for any questions out there for audience I have one from Pamela who said just a simple statement thank you for sharing about PTSD
I'm not pdsd postpartum oh yes we need permission to talk about it and postpartum is there's a I think it's so stigmatized postpartum depression when I was going through it I didn't want to tell anyone that I was going through it but now I'm like let's go I'm an open book because this is this is real and I want to help women who are going through this and just by talking about it you didn't it helps me by talking about it but I know that by women listening it is real and and I'll say this you need to share with others how you're feeling it's so easy to want to keep it inside I bet once I shared it with my sister she was the one that was like let's go get your help and I went begrudgingly but I did and I'm so glad I got the help that I needed yeah actually dead
next question that we got from Lisa and New Mexico she was wondering how did you have the courage to even voice it out to someone cuz he's afraid of being judge I mean that's goes back she like our society right like that we said because I am a people pleaser and I want you like I used to want everyone to think I do actually still amazing she does all the things in it and on the outside looks like this you know business owner with three kids and everyone would always be like the whole year Super Mom you're super mom but like literally I had just had a baby and was like borderline just not wanting to live anymore and I I think it was very obvious because I was so sick I wasn't getting out of bed but I went to it was my sister my husband and my in-laws and so I would say like
it takes a lot of courage to go start by going to people that you trust first and say hey I'm stealing like this I think I might need some help in at that point I didn't even tell my sister I don't think I need help I think I was just like I feel this I mean it was like these are emotions that one of my friends and she has her name is Doctor Clara Nique Agassi and she wrote the book mama you are enough she talks about they're called Shadow emotions right like that killed that fear the anger that Mom's experience where I was experiencing it was on a whole different level and I did feel like I needed to tell someone because it was all in my head so I should I think I remember it was with my sister and she was like let's go and like literally she came and picked me up at my in-laws house in just like we're going and so thank God for her that she was so proactive in this
the NSA this also I remember calling my doctor and and I was like several months after I had the baby was like I think I have postpartum depression and they were like it's not a new baby anymore so you're just we can't really help you and that I didn't get lost and stuck because I felt like I was doing the courageous Thing by doctor's office and I was kind of like turned away and I was like okay so that's when I was like I really feel like I need to talk to someone so I'll say this like if you feel like you've talked to someone in you're not getting what you need to be who else you can talk to and I know that there are like Crisis Hotline for four people for mothers that that you can call as well and and get that help because sometimes it's just talking about how you're feeling that's going to help you get to where you need to go
deep if it's real I have a question it's a single mother of three and the Mother-in-law when they found out that they were had postpartum said you're just an inferred that they you had a baby you should be happy if my summary of this paragraph that I'm reading you had a baby why aren't you happy
do that a real question but this is just a statement in a paragraph on to you from I was I was right there with you I can't tell you how many doctors RIT wrote me off when I had Lyme disease especially and I was anxious and you know it had postpartum depression at the same time and they be like 3 or the worst is like when people try to say this in my book when people tell you to cheer up it's the worst my husband right you're up it's like the most frustrating thing it goes back to like our society not allowing us to really have feelings and not to do not know it's like not okay to talk about them before you like if your family isn't the right place to talk about it I would see what you can do to find a support group to talk about it it could be calling your local hospital or maybe like a local community center
beauty is like Facebook social media you can find online groups are there so many different types of communities where you can find that kind of support for free so if it's not your family and in many cases if it's not and that's okay it's just I'll see you this also though it is very hard for someone who is depressed to be proactive because they just want to sit and be depressed and so what I'll say to you is just do the next right thing one thing at a time just do the next right thing do if you're going to do one thing do the next right thing and maybe it's like today I'm just going to look online and I'm going to try to find a support group I'm going to make one phone call because when you're depressed everything is overwhelming everything that happened eating is overwhelming it's just not nothing's okay so just tell yourself I'm going to do the next right thing and take it from there and then
are you going to do the next right thing it says when you're in. Depressed state it's all about I've I learned it's all about the baby steps for me sometimes it was like the next right thing is going to be me taking a bath the next right thing is going to be me taking a nap I mean it was not productive I'll say that it was just a very little baby things I eventually grew when I was experiencing postpartum depression to be like the next right thing ended up me wanting to share my voice but not but not in like my message but I was like I want to sing and if I can't a family sick all day and I'm going to be depressed I might as well sing so I took a step and I joined the choir at my church I felt terrible absolutely terrible I was super depressed but I found that singing help and it was like a little tiny baby steps I'm not sure but just do what works for you find those those different
communities online now in toga X everything's online to support you there there is help out there
yes definitely I'm one of the things I wanted to ask you that we haven't explained out what exactly in your terminology is Lyme disease for people out there Lyme disease there's a big stigma around that too because so many people have been misdiagnosed or if it's written off I was written off by over twenty doctors like a check is essentially just a little bug that can bite you and Erasmus show up and it's like that if you get that like deer rash then do you know you have it they treat you on antibiotics but then there's other people like me who get bitten by this little bugger can cause all sorts of things now. Also likes to go I want to say something to like I have Lyme disease but I also had a lot of trauma in these do I send you my book I say that like this Lyme disease really triggered a lot of other things but mine went undiagnosed so when that happens it turns into chronic lyme disease and you
things like Encephalitis like my brain swell and because it left untreated for so long and no one really knew what was going on with me it I thought that I had the flu so it's flu like symptoms do you get it you feel like you have to like sometimes The Tell-Tale sign is a rash people like me do not get a rash they end up chronically ill people end up in wheelchair that he is a very very track project disease among one that has been healed from this and I'm so grateful and also a spiritual healing to go along with it too but it is a lot of work to be done on Lyme disease to with Lyme disease awareness and acknowledgement I mean May is Lyme disease awareness month but yeah it's a very serious disease so when you are outside you need to watch out I used to think all I do need to watch out for take my used to always pick him off my kids
mysterious but if it's caught early and you're treated it's totally fine you'll be fine my husband is hot it and he was so doctors wouldn't treat me right by it to come from cuz he had a chronic illness between. The depression the people that expect you to be in bed with your kids and with your husband and took the bond I mean there was the point where that was all crashing down and I couldn't be my marriage was really struggling my kids I I was so sick I couldn't like I said earlier I had the flashing lights in my vision I felt like I had the flu and I my nerve pain and I just couldn't get up so I didn't have the desired relationship with my kids but what I did find was the and I look back on pictures and I'm so sick there were some really special moments
I found the intimacy of like all the kids just coming into bed with me and just snuggling mommy was sick snuggles and love and like those there were those were those intimate moments that we definitely had on that like Soul connection level and make me certified even more I'm going to get better for them it really did and just those little because I had a newborn is hard for me to care for her but just sitting in that rocking chair and having to give up nursing because of everything that I was going through is very hard to but just need to like hold her and being that I will say this though and like terms of like you know physical intimacy because I had at the point where I had been diagnosed I had a PICC line from my arm to my heart and a PICC line is basically where are you
I received IV antibiotics daily into my cart on my husband became my nurse will be also had a home nurse come once a week to clean the dressing but I couldn't pick up anything heavier than like 15 or 20 Counselor come pick up the baby I couldn't pick up anything we actually had to move in with my in-laws because I physically couldn't I couldn't lift anything so that was hard to so people would like Harry the baby and bring her to me and I would hold her and yeah we would find other special ways to be intimate and make those moments they definitely happened if I think if you walked by me in the store I would think you don't have a care in the world and in it what a beautiful story I do have some resources that I want to share real quickly to any of the listeners during a show now or post there's an emergency resource for the crisis text just text home
to 741-741 was also a National Suicide Prevention Hotline which is one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five and nominees helpline one 800-950-6264
thank you dr. Kelly for sharing that it's been an amazing time with you here you're welcome anytime anytime thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to share my message and hopefully help and Inspire other people who may be going through hard times and it's it's temporary feeling as possible let yourself give yourself permission to feel all the feeling yes definitely
how can I find you Ashley, if you want to learn more about finding your voice and your message you can see my book is up on Amazon for pre-sale called not so strong give yourself permission to feel it comes out in November of this year you can also connect with me on Instagram I'm either Booker Bernardi Booker for my booking Day is when I was in TV producer Booker born Rd or Rd Media on Instagram as well as my Jack on my podcast my podcast is called two girls talking I host it with my friend Anna Davalos we are on two former journalist and she actually but journalists and two moms into business owner so we talked a lot about mom is running businesses we talked a lot about self-care we talked about about leadership so check us out we are on podbean Spotify Apple iTunes
Two Bros talking with Anna and Ashley awesome thank you so much it's a hard Segway I'm telling you but I want to hear about some upcoming shows next week we have Linda dr. Linda de Villiers with simple sexy food I found her book in a store and it was on that was all about sexy foods are aphrodisiac foods I can't wait to hear about those very simple sexy food April 1st no fool and we have Mike put on it to tell you putting humor back in healthcare April 8th sex therapist Marilyn Volker and also Michelle carlino Glory without a story which is actually one of the messages that we have heard today
yes yes thank you guys so much for being listening on that bring intimacy back still don't forget to follow us on social media Facebook Instagram LinkedIn YouTube Twitter and that we love you guys don't forget to follow us on patreon cuz we'd love to bring you guys educational inspiring story and if you really like what we are doing give us a review I'm also we have Clubhouse on if you're on clubhouse were there all morning yes at 7:30 a.m. eastern is for an hour and awaken with you and so thank you topic is vulnerability awesome yes thank you so much this is been to bring intimacy back so see you next week