Saving with Steve, February 7, 2023
Saving With Steve with Steve Sexton
Guest, O'Sullivan, Helping People Build Stronger Relationships
Saving with Steve
The Save With Steve Show, hosted by Steve Sexton will help you with ins and outs of money. We talk about financial issues that that could be costing you thousands of dollars and keeping you up at night.
We talk about “money”… tax reduction, saving more, how to spending less and get more, 401k’s, risk management, retirement, and everything under the sun that relates to you having a healthier happier relationship with money.
everyone has their own unique views and needs when it comes to financial success if you'd like to leave your financial woes behind and live a life of Financial Freedom you've come to the right place Welcome To Die saving with Steve show hosted by Steve Sexton the show will help you with the ins-and-outs of money we talked about financial issues that could be costing you thousands of dollars and keeping you up at night we talked about money tax reduction saving more spending less 401K risk management retirement and everything under the sun that relates to you having a healthier happy relationship with money now here is your host of saving with Steve Steve Sexton Play Welcome to the saving was Steve sure we talked about the ins-and-outs of money pretty much everything in their Central AC you having a happier healthy relationship with Mike my name is Steve sex and I want to thank you for joining us we hit a little bit of a milestone here we just added 100,000 new listeners to our show we very much<br> get your support sharing this with your friends and family are well up over 600,000 listener so we're very excited about that you can catch us anywhere in the United States as well as in 56 other countries so we're really really excited today we have a wonderful show for you but first I want to talk about the last episode we had Miriam or TCP know she's a certified professional organizers she works with entrepreneurs and other creative people to help craft environment where they can connect and control the Kray the freedom that desire as well as build a well through organizing think there are so many awesome moments there everybody just loved it today I'm going to be talking about money moves to make before the end of the year here's one of the big things did you know that monies and number one things couple fight about and the second leading cause of divorce couple this with the stress of the holiday season it's easy to understand this time of the year could be particularly challenging for couples and families we have figs<br> call Dennis Nelms people build stronger relationships is unique experience as a relationship experts a former stockbroker of Finance exact a couple with the interest in the world of personal finance makes him a perfect fit to help families move past these money conflicts that arise during the holiday season now today's guest is the wonderful 160 Solomon is a licensed marriage and family therapist East what well-known relationship expert music Commander in Chief of the top-rated therapist in San Diego he's at the founder of empathy that e m p a t h i. Cam is one of the most sought-after relationship experts to movers and shakers in Silicon Valley big help some of the most creative successful people are time make love and family work he's been featured on NPR all things considered as well as numerous podcast we're just really lucky to have him here cuz I know we're going to talk about a number of things but for many of you you're going to go oh my gosh it's going to be all high after after all so welcome to the show<br> thanks for being here with us thank you Steve and thank you for that lovely introduction Bay kind of you well I'm delighted and honored to be here former stockbroker Financial executive what got you into therapy for relationships around his mom's a therapist sisters at therapist I was kind of the black sheep of the family by doing the financing I'm so I resisted the family location to call him until like my mid-30s I need to look for me what I realized I was using all the same skills by relating to people understanding people helping them with financial stuff and I just wanted to do it a little deeper it was a natural transition and kind of a return to my true home to be a psychotherapist<br> mom is probably a typical lab Irish mother like when I was a stockbroker ride in the 90s she would like to do in like in my twenties like why don't you just get a job in the bar and have fun she couldn't understand why I would do something so stressful you know that he don't care what you're doing that's cool I guess I just thought it'd be fun to ask a question about being a parent so I do they give us that so what do we do during the holiday season bring it up family finances or disagreements I see this all the time if you have the say where the spender and it's not kind of like button head what's the best way to deal with something like that yeah we'll see what the best way to deal with it is on its way to a better relationship is paradoxical the first part that might be like kind of<br> different than what people are used to is the problem is not actually the main problem I know it's going to be really weird and Lykke Li sex money will how we spend money over the holidays is not actually the main problem the main problem is how we talk about money and have them in the order of important I want to make sure we buy everybody gift sets and I'll feel bad if I don't then the other person is Hey listen you're not in touch with the reality of our family finances right that's going to be a really tense holiday season between. Couple rides so in an Ideal World they would take time out from problem solving and trying to make their case I'm carve out some time where they do not try and problem-solve like work at how much we stand there don't stand and actually talk about water the feeling I'm difficult thoughts that are coming up for both of us around<br> our family finances right because if we can get to a place usually what's really happening is let's say some variation of one person's not feeling hurt or considered right around finances and maybe other person is feeling like you don't seem to trust me or believe me right now or still in version of there's some love me that's not being mad and here's the crazy thing we don't necessarily have to resolve what we do about family financing for the issue itself to get back there if we got to a place where wow I feel like we actually both understand each other and walks coming off inside the both of us about money and bow it's the holidays that changes everything I'm now there's a whole bunch of solution that previously if you tried that solution without a deeply understanding where each other are coming from the same solution wouldn't work where is now that we deeply understand each other that exact same solution is yes because we have<br> song from finances is separating our emotional bond to now we feel emotionally bonded and we can attend to like finances over the holidays as a year where we're both valid people with valid concerns otherwise everybody's reading out the same sheet of music moving forward I will at the very least we're reading all the same sheet of music eyes were to valid people would chew Valance sets of concerned even if they're not the same as each other night when two people can see each other as you are an actual valid human being with valid concern I need your way of extending to Mommy even if it's not mine that actually make sense that seems like such a small thing why would we even do it I thought you liked look up we really going to buy granny then do a VR set from Facebook right like one she probably killed herself ride let's not do it<br> right if we go like look it makes sense that you would want to get this for granny cuz she means so much to you I get it it's valid and then imagine the partner going hey I understand what is the really scary for you to imagine we're going to pay for something outside of our budget and we're not working on the siding where we buy it yet we're literally working on my God that is so nice that you I actually make sense I see that you actually think I'm I'm not a crazy person for wanting to buy a br type of Granny the other way around you for understanding that it would be scary for me to imagine like are we going to be buying every one VR sets those things haven't come down in price yet right because it's your emotional bomb two people that love each other it's actually more paintball to seem invalid to each other then it is like where we spend too much money or not spend too much money to attend your emotional bomb first finances just happens to be the latest<br> that is bringing you guys into disconnection on a negative emotional cycle with each other and I'm just thinking to myself okay I can see that I can see that happening and I'm just listening to a few people that I talked with in the last few weeks I'm just seeing that whole dynamic not playing out properly where somebody's not being validated for what they want to do or spend or how they want to look at thanks yeah I do look even to bring it down if you were to go through these steps with each other that's very hard for two people just do it on their own this would like a guide people through it and people like me right imagine like 30 minutes or 15 minutes one person as the other what are the difficult things and thoughts that come out for you about finances over the holidays second person at the end of the Take 5 minutes to share the second person says this is what I heard you tell me like they literally like to do but I actually heard you the third step is kind of person that was listening except that is how they feel like it doesn't give me exact<br> imagine someone says I'm scared about spending too much money over the holidays and you're relaxed I don't think that's what you're scared of not listen they are scared what do you think they should be or not can you accept them actually what they're feeling then the next app can you validate them even if it's not true for me could you see if I is it in the realm of human possibility of the human being could be scared about spending too much money over to all the absolutely it makes sense I could imagine why that make sense you feel that way then can you access some emotion inside you towards the other person am I got the fact that you're scared about spending money my heart actually goes out to you I actually have some feelings toward you the fact that it's scary for you by then we go back to the person that Sheridan like it's just like so what's it like to have shared and the person except your experience can validate and actually has feelings towards you cares that that's how you feel and then we flip it and we do it the other way around I know that they had that experience with say successfully rarely do something work well the first<br> find we got to try hitting died but it's just possible or to actually work the first time now let's return to the question so why do we do this collar Bayseas now I would but most people aren't going to put in this staff before they do problem solve and write this like attending to our emotional bond if you're listening really closely you're going to try and fix something I'm your partner your spouse is going to get hurt cuz they're not going to feel hurt or considered right cuz you weren't with them in their present moment experience and now they're going to give you a signal that they're hurt with you and not happy with you so now you get a second chance to interpret what's happening so nobody gets it right the first time we get the practice oldest after we're already not feeling happy with each other like<br> I will have to go with Big Sur okay sick with this will be right back more expert advice for having a happier relationship with money still to come on the saving with Steve show<br> don't let your financial woes keep you up at night and prevents you from living a life of Financial and personal freedom hi I'm Steve Sexton post of the saving with Steve show where did he talk about the ins-and-outs of money those financial issues that could be costing me thousands of dollars causing stress keeping you up at night we're going to talk about money tax reduction saving more spending your investment risk management retirement and everything is so sweet with you having a healthier happy relationship with money soon as you've ever dreamed of living a life of Financial and personal freedom you owe it to yourself and your family to tune in to the saving with Steve show join me Steve section of the saving with Steve show as we talked about everything under the sun when it comes to money to learn more about the show visit saving with Steve. Us that's saving with Steve. Us saving with Steve. Us will see you soon<br> welcome back to the show that is here to help you achieve your financial goals it's the saving with Steve show now here's your host Steve Sexton a little welcome back to the saving with Steve show where we talked about the ins-and-outs of money I just want to thank you for joining us tuning in appreciate you sharing this with your friends and family all the replays are available at saving with Steve. Us if you're enjoying the stories of helpful information and insight on saving with Steve and I encourage you to describe to her YouTube channel Spotify Channel Google Play Channel and check out a few of our fuel is it UK help radio BBS Radio AM FM 247 talk radio New York City e360 TV networks are dedicated to empowering you to solve problems uplift your spirit and live a life of personal financial Freedom you can also check us out at Facebook and see me with Steve's tax and you can check out the Insiders Club guest gift by the way the beautiful one in baking company called for bi-zi New Hampshire all natural cookies cake pops the whole shot<br> there's a special discount used to go to the website you'll see it right there at saving it's called SWS 20 you're going to get 20% off now we're back here with 60 Salomon talking about relationships and finance during the holidays and I want to bring us back to this big welcome back to the show for the second second here thank you Steve I want to talk about financial taboos creating a space we can talk about money with your significant other is this something that makes more sense to do together with somebody like yourself what's the best environment to do that in a little bit right there's some value what I do and people like me the main thing of couples therapist does the first and most important thing a good couples therapist does is there a able to see there's three entities there's each of the individuals in a couple right there's two of them and then there's the couple together as one entity when your one part of a two-part system you're in bed inside it and you cannot see the whole system you can't see it<br> you're literally Insider until what a good couples therapist does is it able to create this narrative add both of your stories into one coherent share narrative about what's happening between the two of you we're both of you make sense nobody's wrong your boat rides that you would feel terrible if we don't buy granny horror VR set right they can totally make sense I'm I could totally see how the more scared you get the more you say you can't spend money the more you feel like I'm going to God why why isn't what's important to me to considered and so now you're like you're stealing VR sets at Walmart you know whatever whatever the accent Tennessee it is very hard to deal with the activation that happens with a couple around the sensitive topic without a third-party that's able to hold both of them is valid and then keep reflecting the<br> YouTube Separate individuals hey look what's happening between the two of you I'm isn't this actually really sad and painful for both of you so that's where we want to get back to always listen to psychobabble e want to help those people move from I Consciousness to we Consciousness that you have a problem or I have a problem hey look at this problem we have become all right we're so important to each other if you don't hear me it hurts if you don't include me it hurts right and of course money would bring that up I've been that person like the next we can guide you and help you do it very hard for two people to do this on their own and they like set a timer I'll do 15 minutes you do 15 minutes let's really except validate each other right have a deeper each other please go do it on your own<br> bubbles that come week after week after week right and I created all these exercise they do at what percentage of my couples that come to counseling do you think when we were outside of a session then do the exercises themselves but I don't like maybe two people will actually show up like for the really difficult activating conversations on their own people need a coach Hoffman right they just need a code for things that are hard process away for free to people write like to know I've courses will share the link right of that good I'll give our main Flagship course the complex solution for free to your the listeners and viewers because look here's the thing it's valuable it's helpful but I also know most people are going to need some like actual guidance to do.<br> I want to get into something else the importance of managing expectations in a relationship could you talk about that a little bit Yeah Yeah well he said the story a while what a good relationship is right so let's just say managing expectations in the most General level in relationships relationships there's three different buckets that a relationship can be in bad ugly God is working that good to each other oh my God we're on the same team isn't this great you understand me understand you yeah I'm here for you your enough for me is Brennan each other's noses having a great time is one of us feels the other person isn't hearing me the other person's upset right where in the Bible is ugly is we won't give each other a chance or we just don't know how to get it back together so you know we got to have like one of them managing expectations is we got to help couples understand bad as normal the work begins<br> what do finances brought it up or who does the dishes ride or why didn't you go to Granny's funeral heaven forbid programming Grice you got to be hard sassy fell over broker cab now it's a funeral like this story I'm making my granny's not good I'm sorry that we could get our feelings hurt with each other we go to bed now to work again now we got to do the work of understanding each other caring about each other points of you accepting validating each other till we get back to go together like my own relationship going to be where we understand because if you can validate what's important to somebody and you're on the same page it must makes it much easier to make a decision cuz if you're not somebody just going to say no and they're going to be upset and walk away and then when you're looking at the taboos and things like that that you want to get pass<br> I ordered managing expectations I think it's really important to understand here where do we need to go what would be a taboo by the way I'm serious when you said that<br> can we grow up when I grew up in is Catholic Family we didn't really talk about money okay we can we talk about a lot of things you bring those relationships or those feelings in those robotic actions with you later life of those are the things that when you come into a relationship that you need to deal with and sometimes you just mentally can't get past it cuz you're used to what you've been doing for decades by the way this is the way I often took a couple of messages like you were both born and different fish balls right like you know you were born in your family culture your partner was born in their family cause they're not both of you plop down into this new baseball one of you is like I don't talk about money the other is like money like the stop triggering for me and then all of a sudden you activate the other person when you say at a party so how much did you make last year I'm the only person who would ever put someone in the spot like that right and the course of the person that money is not a big deal they don't even understand why you're feelings would have been heard and why you would have looked at them<br> I like giving them a write-up on the stand would you look at the way different things trigger us because of the way we were brought up so yeah I love that that you already naturally gathered Steve ride the look we got to do that work if I'm understanding what you're calling the taboos that money is triggering for people in totally different ways and they're all valid all valid if we get people to understand each other I got you now I feel so good for a couple days be different right I'll still be loading a VR sets into my Walmart card right and you know I'm my wife will be like a Jesus fix give the Irish you know we may always have that little part in this but at least we can understand each other and we might put four of them back at the cash register<br> big I want to thank you for being here this is been a blast could you tell us where people can go to get your help and also Ellis with your providing for our listeners that free little gift that we can give out yes it would be the easiest way to just go to a theater, that's a key with an eye on the end of the wind in couldn't afford a d with a y in the end I just have to compromise ride so empathy with a 90 n.com and then we have our like I was saying we're just like starting to give all the way our Flagship course to podcast listeners and it's just a theory with a 90 n.com p o d w a d.com and then what do we do couples counseling couples coaching for individuals couples horse says we have our own podcast my wife and I share her own personal couples counseling like a talk about it the cold from here to me we have like a web app we developed for couples anything we could possibly do to help people have a better relationship we provide identity.com<br> and you know what I think we're going to want to have you back sometime if that's okay. I would love to come back I just know that resonate with this and say oh my God oh my God oh my God that's good I'm glad I'm glad to hear he will see the next time I m p a t h i. Calm and go to the website looking for couples help they're being so on and also go to the stadium with Steve website you're going to see the link for the free course that big of Sheldon with empathy. Cam is going to offer so you can go to our website at 7 with Steve. Us will go to their website and get that free course especially if you're looking to get some help we're going to be right back with more shaving with Steve okay sick with this will be right back more expert advice for having a happier relationship with money still to come on the saving with Steve show<br> don't let your financial woes keep you up at night and prevent you from living a life of Financial and personal freedom hi I'm Steve Sexton post of the saving with Steve show where to be talking about the in an ounce of money does Financial issues it could be costing me thousands of dollars causing stress keeping you up at night we're going to talk about money tax reduction saving more spending your investment risk management retirement and everything is so sweet with you having a healthier happy relationship with money soon as you've ever dreamed of living a life of Financial and personal freedom you owe it to yourself and your family to tune in to the saving with Steve show join me Steve Sexton on a saving with Steve show as we talked about everything under the sun when it comes to money to learn more about the show visit saving with Steve. Us that's saving with Steve. Us saving with Steve. Us will see you soon<br> welcome back to the show that is here to help you achieve your financial goals it's the saving with Steve show now here's your host Steve Sexton a little welcome back to the saving with Steve show where we talked about the ins-and-outs of money I just want to thank you for joining us tuning in appreciate you sharing this with your friends and family all the replays are available at saving with Steve. Us if you're enjoying the stories of helpful information and insight on saving with steep then I encourage you to describe to her YouTube channel Spotify Channel Google Play Channel and check out a few of our fuel is it UK help radio BBS Radio AM FM 247 talk radio New York City e360 TV all these networks dedicated to empowering you to solve problems uplift your spirit and live a life of personal financial Freedom you can also check us out at Facebook it's even with Steve Sax and you can check out the Insiders Club guest gift by the way the beautiful one in baking company called for bees out of New Hampshire all-natural cookies cake pops.<br> there's a special discount used to go to the website you'll see it right there at saving it's called SW X20 you're going to get 20% off now we just want to talk about things we want to do before the end of the year to make sure our money moves are set first of all just real quick do you want to check where you scan this means we're Mayan with my budget how much am I saving did I save enough of that down payment on the house the kids education my daughter wedding where do we stand with that how do I keep with my budget for the key here is you want to be brutally honest with your girls hate you did make it don't be too hard on yourself especially if you're close and then you want to make sure all your financial counselor up today that means hey if it's supposed to have a trust as the the owner of it so it can you be yours in your wife you want to make sure the beneficiary stir up to date you want to make sure everything's up to date when it comes to the finances especially the financial accounts the next thing is you want to look at things like a my meeting was your today deadlines for example you can contribute to an IRA all the way up until you file your<br> picture of the name from OK Google long as you have an account that you set up in 2022 you can contribute to always root for April 18th and 2023 are you fully contributing to your 401k if you don't need the money and you have the ability to contribute more towards his last portion of the year in your 401k do it why because retirements and accumulation sport the more you keep me late now the earlier you have an option to stop working which could make for a longer more lasting less stressful life everything is double check that you're making most of your money this is the time to check those budget to everybody has those situations work then the Deborah thing when you sign up for all the sudden you got charged in 30 days whether you use it or not if you're not using it get rid of it looking for ways to reduce eliminate expenses there's a number of different internet providers there's a number of the cable programs knew what we were able to reduce our cable by over $100 just by eliminating a lot of the cable programs going down to the internet service and then adding live TV along with a couple streaming sites you can<br> things like that you can use your change your cellphone provider lot of times I'll give you a free phone but you can do it at a lower cost and get the same service cuz they're on the same network you just got to read into it and make sure you know what you're getting this is a great time to look at my Auto Insurance homeowner's insurance and all those things to make sure you have the best rates look at everything you do to find a way to reduce eliminate expenses<br> keep doing the things that you love to do next start setting some goals for the new year hey how much do you want to say were you looking to have your accounts at it's really important to have somebody help you look at that to make sure you're on track somebody say hey we're right where we at you maybe need to do this and you know what this is a great time to look at those Investments especially if you're a few years away from retirement with the market going crazy where it is if it would go down 20 30 more percent you might be working for a few years more than you thought if you are retirement the first three or four years and twenty or thirty percent it might be one of those things that pushes you back into work or have to reduce your lifestyle and retirement you don't want to do that I want to thank you all for joining us right here on the saving with Steve look forward to seeing you next week we're going to give you a best advice to help you retire smart see you then bye bye thank you for joining us for the saving with Steve show hosted by Steve Sexton to learn more about the show and how to become a guest or sponsor visit saving with Steve<br> US Vets saving with Steve. Us join us again next time as we continue to talk about everything under the sun that relates to you having a healthier happier relationship with money this has been the saving with Steve show hosted by Steve Sexton<br>