Guests are Noah and Babette St. John.
Also, How to clear out the head crap to let love in.
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Morgana and Devin: Welcome to crazy sexy mid life.
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Morgana and Devin: I am regardless, this is my husband Devon, and we have been married seven years as of this last Sunday.
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Morgana and Devin: What have you learned from seven years of marriage my husband.
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Morgana and Devin: That we can do this.
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Morgana and Devin: You know, we can keep doing this we you know, things are good in our lives are good, when I take stock of my life, you know there's loads of things I can point out and go well that's socks.
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Morgana and Devin: or these other things, but in general, life is pretty good you know i'm just like all right, I look around okay books lots of books on the bookcases you know, things are okay life is life is.
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Morgana and Devin: You know, could always be a little bit better, but for the most part, you know blessed I you know it's funny, this is the one out with my buddies can I share this story.
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Morgana and Devin: I went out with my buddies for the first time in years, and these are guys see it since before Kobe before code so.
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Morgana and Devin: Normally, what we do is three or four times a year we'd have sort of look at guys tonight nine know all their wives their kids and all that stuff for many, many years, and so we didn't do that at all last year, and so we went out to this fancy steak.
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Morgana and Devin: dinner, and I don't even remember why I was telling out without wives oh without watch no that had nothing to do with the story now, it has to do with a middle aged middle age oh yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: So we came back, but that wasn't why I was telling the stroke i'm going to tell that story.
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Morgana and Devin: Because you know i'm leaving the House, and these are guys that we would go out we go have drinks and then we'll go, you know.
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Morgana and Devin: Whatever go play poker until four o'clock in the morning, and you know we'd be up all night, and so you know I said to my wife has as leaving.
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Morgana and Devin: You know I said well i'll be back later she goes well i'll see you around nine which was very insulting and true and true because I.
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Morgana and Devin: took a half hour to get home and I got her at 930 yeah so we were all sort of like okay little a bedtime party late at night or that was the story.
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Morgana and Devin: What the story is, though, so middle aged middle aged right double the middle aged but happier that's that's what nobody told me, I actually find this whole like aging process to be.
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Morgana and Devin: way more amusing than I anticipated and I like older people more and more I do too yeah why, why is that husband.
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Morgana and Devin: Because there's just a different intensity level on things, a lot of the intensity about things and pieces like you've already walked through most of the stuff.
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Morgana and Devin: You know, financial insecurities and and just general logistics of life, you know, like the first time you do it, everything is highly charged and then maybe a few subsequent times it's sort of highly charged and all of a sudden, one day, you wake up and it's just like.
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Morgana and Devin: You know well, or more of the nonsense and you just walk through it and it's fine and when things aren't highly charged because really dramatic stuff happens, especially over the last year illness financial anxiety, I mean all of that still happens.
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Morgana and Devin: But there's more water under the bridge there's the sense of I have survived a lot of stuff before I can get through this it's just different I also have.
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Morgana and Devin: An appreciation for the wisdom of people have been on the planet, a really long time that man, did I not see when I was young.
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Morgana and Devin: And you know, and I all those all those movies those like teen movies, that we grew up with where the the parents are just the no nothing comical characters and and i'm rooting for the parents now.
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Morgana and Devin: I have a lot more empathy for the parents right well, because who wants who wants to be the boring slug who says no.
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Morgana and Devin: We usually the no part is the part that's actually the most useful right it's like not now wait another day or another yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: don't do that stupid thing, how do I know it's stupid because I did it right, but but that's but ultimately that's the problem.
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Morgana and Devin: Ultimately, the problem is, is that you don't know any better, and it feels good in the moment and you want to run with the feelings and.
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Morgana and Devin: All that like that exactly label that shimmy over this this feeling, and these things run out and do it and yeah it makes for a it makes for a funny story.
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Morgana and Devin: But it doesn't necessarily make for a happy life well we're consistent life and just to be fair.
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Morgana and Devin: Like we run after feelings and adventure all the time now like that's why we love to travel and and I love to try weird things that might scare somebody else.
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Morgana and Devin: Good Azerbaijan, where okay great you know I just have there's still plenty of room for fun and adventure and excitement and experience we're not dead, but there's less unintended consequence, on the other end.
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Morgana and Devin: Does that make that you know what i'm talking about what lesson did the less unintended consequences happen because you are much more mindful of consequences for starters.
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Morgana and Devin: Much more mindful that the things that could go wrong so you're more likely even if it's in a small way, are going to make your decision consciously rather than unconsciously, which I think is really important.
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Morgana and Devin: In other words, if you just make a completely unconscious decision hey that girl over there is the cutest girl and she's I want to make her mind great that's.
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Morgana and Devin: that's a wonderful thing, but then, if you speak to her and you find out that she has like like clearly a host of problems that you may not be equipped or want to deal with.
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Morgana and Devin: And then you say Oh, but it doesn't matter because she's cute oh my God is all then then that's where the rub that's the rub I was the girl who was, I will save him, I will make up for all the pain and love he never experienced before.
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Morgana and Devin: he's a disaster, I, and I, and I see a project and right but he's you're.
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Morgana and Devin: Right you're claiming and there was and there came a time where it's just like life is too short for other people's disasters i've been on that ride, I can write the dissertation I don't have to do it again right and it's not fun anymore exhausting and.
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Morgana and Devin: So, the reason I want to bring that up is Oh, and our guests our guests are here, so we will introduce them in a second.
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Morgana and Devin: Is you know we're talking about crazy sex in midlife love and here we're sounding like really boring fuddy duddies but the thing is.
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Morgana and Devin: I think that that we get to play more now because we don't have to pay as high a price on the other end cuz.
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Morgana and Devin: we've already paid those prices, so we don't have to go on those those bad rides anymore, and now we get to just do the amazing miraculous cool stuff that we know it's going to make us happy together so maybe we should introduce our guests, yes, so.
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Morgana and Devin: Do that Okay, I am really, really excited about today's guests.
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Morgana and Devin: From both a personal perspective, and also because I think that they're going to be great for the show and i'm really, really interested to hear what they have to say, but so we are bringing on Noah and bad bet St john.
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Morgana and Devin: I know know a better because i've no no uh personally for about 15 years he's a coach like I am and we met at a live event of the mutual coach of ours.
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Morgana and Devin: 15 years ago but here's what's so weird okay so he's a dude and i'm not but.
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Morgana and Devin: He and I both danced professionally for the Boston ballet company, but wait there's more than we both got degrees in religion from small liberal.
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Morgana and Devin: East coast colleges next to each other in the pioneer valley in western Massachusetts but wait it gets better, and then we became failed actors.
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Morgana and Devin: And then we became successful coaches, which you know just have a degree in waiting and, yes, you shouldn't commit him conversation, so I want to, I want to introduce him.
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Morgana and Devin: professionally now and bad that both because I know know a better, but that doesn't mean he's more important than that.
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Morgana and Devin: So let me introduce Noah St john is known by many as the millionaire habits coach and he is CEO of success clinic calm a global peak performance and business growth company.
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Morgana and Devin: That Betsy john is the client success director for success clinic calm.
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Morgana and Devin: and together they work with Hollywood celebrities eight figure company CEOs professional athletes executives entrepreneurs, they help their clients create healthy boundaries improve communication and get more time away from work.
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Morgana and Devin: And they have a book noah's new book get rid of your head trash about money, you can get that free at send me a book noah.com
so that is their introduction and now we are welcoming Noah and BAT bat.
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Morgana and Devin: And come on.
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Morgana and Devin: Look at this, it is Lou day.
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Noah St. John: yeah you guys.
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Morgana and Devin: i've already i've already introduced you up down left right.
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Morgana and Devin: You know and round about.
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Morgana and Devin: Nice hi.
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Noah St. John: While.
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Morgana and Devin: know that better meet my husband Devon.
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Noah St. John: Devon it's very nice to meet great.
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Morgana and Devin: meeting you so we just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary, but you guys when you beat us 10 years.
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Noah St. John: danilo yep.
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Morgana and Devin: very exciting.
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Morgana and Devin: Yes, and and you've got like your big gorgeous house in I think Ohio or.
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Noah St. John: northeast Ohio yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: Beautiful beautiful beautiful yay life is good.
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Noah St. John: Yes, it is yeah life is good.
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Morgana and Devin: So.
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Morgana and Devin: You published a piece on 10 things that you learn from 10 years of marriage and I was.
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Morgana and Devin: Like oh my God, I need to get you guys on the show.
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Morgana and Devin: How would you like to present your 10 things.
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Noah St. John: Oh well, however you'd like to do it, I mean we can talk about each point we can you know discuss however you like, whatever whatever you want to do we can.
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Morgana and Devin: dive right up.
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Morgana and Devin: How about we start with one.
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Noah St. John: yeah absolutely.
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Noah St. John: So lesson number one what I what I said about the 10 lessons that i've learned from 10 years of marriage, the first and most important lesson is find someone who gets you.
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Noah St. John: Alright, so the point is that you know each of us is looking for of course that that special person right that.
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Noah St. John: That completes us to use Jerry maguire's language right you complete me but.
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Noah St. John: I mean when I was dating prior to meeting that bad I would do you know, girls and I would say something that I just thought was absolutely hilarious.
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Noah St. John: And they go to heck was that and I go oh brother no nevermind forgot it.
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Noah St. John: And so it reminded me of that scene and when Harry met Sally remember that movie and billy crystal is talking to matt Ryan about a date that he went on.
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Noah St. John: And he said a joke, that the other girl didn't get and Meg Ryan laughed at it and so that's the point, so you know in my post when I wrote was at the bed is my Meg Ryan only way hotter so.
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Morgana and Devin: Anyway, so expertly play.
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Noah St. John: Thank you, thank you so much.
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Morgana and Devin: Right well a true all of that.
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Noah St. John: yeah exactly exactly, and so I mean.
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Noah St. John: You know that's what we're all looking for so again i'm speaking to the people, of course, who you know, maybe you're looking for that special someone.
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Noah St. John: And if you're already in a relationship well naturally you got to make sure.
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Noah St. John: That it is you know someone who gets you because hey we all have our quirks are things that we think are funny and then maybe others don't so much another, by the way, a great way to do this is.
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Noah St. John: Is is through what women very often do and men, I don't know if they do it enough so i'm maybe i'm speaking to the men here more than the women, for the moment.
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Noah St. John: But is make sure you you test them okay and here's what I mean women are always testing men right Devon, you know this and every man listening to this program that was that remember we're always getting doesn't every day, no matter how long.
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Noah St. John: It.
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Morgana and Devin: Right exactly what the women think it's a secret.
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Noah St. John: Oh yeah right so it's so subtle right, you know, and so my point is that, like that was the test is the joke test, but also the rap test, because I love doing rap.
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Noah St. John: And one of the tests that I would do is when I would do a rap what was her response and usually before bed bed their response was.
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Noah St. John: And I went okay forget a rapper so I was in the car so we've been dating for a while, you know.
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Noah St. John: When we met and we were dating so I put in a will Smith CD and I said Okay, this is a big test here, so I started rapping the will Smith right and which I just do in my sleep anyway, and so.
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Noah St. John: I was like Okay, this is it right and then at the end of the at the end of the song i've looked at her this was in the car right so i'm like oh boy, this is it, and she goes oh my God that was so awesome can you do that for my son and i'm like so.
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Noah St. John: done so that was it yeah he's a great rapper well anyway so find someone who gets you that was number one.
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Morgana and Devin: Did you have any criteria on sort of like how to know when somebody gets you because.
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Morgana and Devin: It could be a very personal thing.
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Noah St. John: Absolutely well for me, it was the joke test and the rap test Those are the two most important things now I did have a laundry list of what I wanted.
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Noah St. John: You know, in a woman and she had to be blonde.
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Noah St. John: jack she had to be shorter than me because i'm not that tall, and I have you know my big ego in pictures, I have to look tall right, so I can't stand tall women and i'm like now that's not gonna work right because.
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Noah St. John: Now I look short and i'm like forget it so luckily she's 53552911 and a half, so she's she's pretty I was giving you a like a good thing.
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Noah St. John: But you know i'm not that i'm not that's also unlike so see you next hour I looked all see and all my pictures.
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Noah St. John: So anyway, I just went on like that, and I, of course, I wanted to beautiful figure which he has and so all those things, so you know I had a long list, and she checked every box so is pretty awesome it took a long time, though, took a long.
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Morgana and Devin: Time so to defend or not to defend better, no doubt, she can do that herself.
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Noah St. John: But if I bet did you have your own sort of criteria.
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Morgana and Devin: Of yea year of him getting you.
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Noah St. John: But took me four times to meet the right one, and no one listens I love that he actually listens to me, and he actually can complete what I was saying, so that was that was awesome and they love my kids and my son was what 10 he was 10 1111 and.
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Noah St. John: It was just and my twin daughters were in their 20s so Noah was really good at.
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Noah St. John: Bringing the family together, so it was it was really nice and still is, I mean every day seems like it, you know, the first time first time with him, but he listens and that's the end tix walks with me, and that was very important.
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Morgana and Devin: To you, that that know what you were looking for, did you have your own list of criteria ahead of time.
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Noah St. John: I had to be here to be tall dark and handsome.
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Noah St. John: dark hair.
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Noah St. John: Okay, all right good all the author you.
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Noah St. John: Know really was us bringing out the best in me to listening to me.
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Noah St. John: My kids were in a lot of.
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Noah St. John: They had some health issues, so he was a great supporter and.
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Noah St. John: and listening to my kids I mean he just he he's a great.
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Noah St. John: I want to say helper you know, a supporter and makes me laugh makes me smile but takes the time with me, that was very important.
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Morgana and Devin: I have a question getting off our top 10 um.
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Morgana and Devin: What change needed to change within each of you to make you ready to find your person.
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Noah St. John: yeah for me morgana it was really a question of I was accepting.
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Noah St. John: crumbs I was, I was really accepting crumbs and that meant that you know if any girl paid any attention to me whatsoever, you know that was it and and because.
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Noah St. John: As a kid I you know in my teenage years I had coke bottle glasses, I had a face, full of acne I had not shoulder length hair but shoulder width there.
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Noah St. John: I was a skinny scrawny nerd, and so I couldn't get a date to save my life, and so I went to that awkward stage from age 15 to 40 and so.
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Noah St. John: Basically, I had no self esteem at all, and so, when I was right before I met her, I was in a very, very abusive relationship, she was abusive to me.
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Noah St. John: And not physically but mentally and emotionally, and so, and that was with her, and this sucks I was running for four and a half years, so I took that shit for four and a half years because I had no self esteem.
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Noah St. John: And so, this is one of the messages that we you know when we work with couples like we do something called the couple's retreat where we actually work with couples to.
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Noah St. John: Help them improve their relationships their marriage, you know get get that spark back.
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Noah St. John: Whatever that might look like for each couple, but my point is that you know that was one of the things for me having no self esteem.
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Noah St. John: I just accepted crumbs, and so I was in this God awful relationship for four and a half years before I finally got up the courage to leave her.
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Noah St. John: And so, for me it was saying, who the hell, am I, and why do I have to accept crumbs, but what is that all about what Why do I always get the short end of the stick and of course it was me accepting that right, and so.
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Morgana and Devin: I ended up affirmation.
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Noah St. John: Exactly, and so I had to work on myself doing all the inner work, of course, that I have been teaching other people for 20 plus years.
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Morgana and Devin: isn't that annoying.
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Noah St. John: it's annoying as hell it's the worst in the world, so anyway that's what it was for me was doing all that inner work because and i'll be honest, I really, really hadn't focused on.
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Noah St. John: relationships, I was really focused on my business and growing my business, and so, when I was with that person.
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Noah St. John: You know that's what I focus on, but, of course, ironically, my business suck too right so that nothing was working it was all awful.
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Noah St. John: And you know what I mean so that getting out of that relationship was the turning point for me and then finding that bet who.
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Noah St. John: I mean when I met her, she was so beautiful she was so loving she was so fun funny and just talked about a great listener she's a great listener.
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Noah St. John: And she lets you be yourself and she allows each person that she's with whether it's me or our clients, I see our clients just glow.
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Noah St. John: You know when they're around or even if it's on the phone or on zoom I mean she just makes brings out the best in people and she's always done that, I mean since i've known her and i'm sure since long before I knew it.
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Noah St. John: But my point is that I went can anybody really be this good and number one and number two I said there's no way in hell she's gonna want to be with me right so.
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Noah St. John: When I called her to go on our first date I absolutely expected her to reject me I knew, she was right because i'm like i'm this ronnie's getting ugly funny face guy.
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Noah St. John: You know that was the still the picture I had of myself in my head, and so I said, of course, he's going to reject me and I said why I said hey would you like to you know, like to go out she said sure and uh huh what.
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Noah St. John: What is this me know what you're talking to yeah I know i'd love to go out, so I was totally shocked so men for all of you men out there if you're looking for the right person and also, of course, for the women.
00:23:07.620 --> 00:23:19.230
Noah St. John: Take that chance right that's The lesson take a chance if you're if you're still looking for that right one, take a chance to ever know and don't listen to that voice in your head that says oh i'm not good enough that was it was.
00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:26.280
Morgana and Devin: So can I can I ask you, because you said a lot of really important things in this description just here.
00:23:26.430 --> 00:23:29.760
Morgana and Devin: By the way, riddled with acne myself all of those kinds of things.
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:44.040
Morgana and Devin: Definitely identified with what you were talking about, but you talked about sort of like here's all of these things that you're looking out into the world and going Oh, this is no good and it's terrible and at some point you sort of turned inward.
00:23:45.630 --> 00:23:55.590
Morgana and Devin: What was the turning point for you and for me it tends to be sort of like what I what a different in mind says is a slight shift in perception leads to great change.
00:23:55.950 --> 00:24:06.930
Morgana and Devin: And to me a lot of this stuff that we deal with just as people, and I think one of the things that we absolutely start getting over over as we get older is these impressions of ourself.
00:24:07.320 --> 00:24:20.700
Morgana and Devin: JEREMY not good enough tall enough interesting attractive all of those kinds of things, so what was the thing was there a moment for you, where all of a sudden it's like we're just kind of clicked into place, you know what was that moment.
00:24:20.730 --> 00:24:33.930
Noah St. John: Yes, absolutely so getting out of that abusive relationship that's was my rock bottom for relationships i've had other rock bottom slept for my life or my business, but that was my rock bottom for relationships.
00:24:34.830 --> 00:24:44.520
Noah St. John: And the other thing, of course, as I mentioned, you know my business and my relationship was very tied together so she actually put me in $40,000 of credit card debt.
00:24:44.940 --> 00:24:45.570
Noah St. John: Which again.
00:24:45.870 --> 00:24:55.590
Noah St. John: I allow that to happen so i'm not playing the victim i'm just saying I was dumb enough to stay in that relationship, for all that time and let her take advantage of me.
00:24:55.980 --> 00:25:06.060
Noah St. John: So again, for the lesson is for all the men and all the women is you've got to realize, which I did not, I did not realize that I had any value, I really had no.
00:25:06.780 --> 00:25:15.660
Noah St. John: person there ever to show me that I had value so when I met that bat, and she is the most loving person i've ever met.
00:25:16.260 --> 00:25:30.930
Noah St. John: And she saw me and saw value in me it was really hard, it was really hard, because it never I mean, and I was in I was 40 years old, I was 40 years old, when I met her so it was a long, long long long, long time of shit.
00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:34.380
Noah St. John: Nothing i've awfulness and so.
00:25:35.910 --> 00:25:40.710
Noah St. John: I guess that you know, to answer your question Devon so so the inner work that I did.
00:25:41.280 --> 00:25:50.460
Noah St. John: The main thing was yes, I definitely use my own APP formations method morgana which you mentioned earlier, and of course i've written lots of books about here, these are some of the books that i've written.
00:25:51.450 --> 00:25:59.640
Noah St. John: In the Book of our formations and out formations calm For those of you who aren't familiar with my affirmations method, but I did of course use APP formations what was money.
00:26:00.030 --> 00:26:06.990
Noah St. John: And you did too, and what was funny about that was, as I mentioned earlier, I just hadn't been using them in my relationships I just forgot.
00:26:07.470 --> 00:26:16.260
Noah St. John: isn't that ironic right it's like yellow I teach all these teach all these things and I forgot, these are for myself so once I started a forming.
00:26:16.710 --> 00:26:24.510
Noah St. John: And and, by the way, I was also living in New England at the time when I left that other relationship so I had to move here to Ohio.
00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:31.470
Noah St. John: And that didn't make any sense like because I knew one person here a friend of mine Scott, who were fellow speakers.
00:26:31.890 --> 00:26:37.890
Noah St. John: We had spoken at an event and he said to me on the phone we're talking on the phone he said well why don't you move to Ohio it'll be fun.
00:26:38.820 --> 00:26:42.270
Noah St. John: And I said oh hi oh fun and Ohio fun i'm not getting it.
00:26:42.870 --> 00:26:52.170
Noah St. John: I don't get it, but something inside of me right just said dude you just spoke that's where you're supposed to be and i'm like what that doesn't make any sense right so again what's The lesson.
00:26:52.440 --> 00:27:01.140
Noah St. John: The lesson is hey sometimes you got to do things that your head say doesn't make any sense, but your gut or your instinct or your higher self whatever you wanna call it says yep This is where to go.
00:27:01.560 --> 00:27:15.420
Noah St. John: And I got here and I did I knew one person, my friend Scott, he introduced me to one of his friends and that friend introduced me to bet so little is three weeks after moving here that I manifested and they've been together since 14 years now.
00:27:16.230 --> 00:27:18.810
Morgana and Devin: that's amazing that's that's an incredible story.
00:27:19.470 --> 00:27:21.300
Morgana and Devin: Did you at least moved to Cleveland.
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:33.060
Noah St. John: hell, no, no, I moved to the the wonderful city of well we're not what we're now in is North canton but prior to that it was Norton and then we bought a house in green and then we just bought this.
00:27:33.840 --> 00:27:41.910
Noah St. John: Well it's a 6000 plus square foot, we have to call it, you know, a mansion it's like a Barbie house and it's we call it success manner.
00:27:42.840 --> 00:27:46.650
Morgana and Devin: shape tough I know right what's the jacuzzi.
00:27:48.060 --> 00:27:58.890
Noah St. John: awesome at the end of a hard day at the office you're just gonna the QC Tom the Arctic jacuzzi tub with the live show already awesome a sauna and it's koi pond on the back.
00:27:59.430 --> 00:28:06.540
Morgana and Devin: So, all of a sudden, you know, I was sort of tongue in cheek when I was talking about Ohio just a moment ago doesn't doesn't sound all that bad.
00:28:07.080 --> 00:28:07.890
Noah St. John: I know right.
00:28:10.020 --> 00:28:13.290
Morgana and Devin: Are you a big football fan because isn't that where they have the hall of fame.
00:28:13.620 --> 00:28:18.420
Noah St. John: yeah we're 10 minutes, right from the pro football hall of fame it's a wonderful thing, in fact.
00:28:18.840 --> 00:28:28.080
Noah St. John: My dad's gonna be visiting soon we're gonna have a you know Father son time at the pro football hall of fame so any of you watching and listening is program it on pro football hall of fame it's a it's a great.
00:28:28.380 --> 00:28:33.630
Noah St. John: If you're a football fan, you know it's it's Mecca right it's it's it's a great great place they do a great job.
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:42.990
Morgana and Devin: Excellent I have family in Ohio so that's where my father was first final years it's a gorgeous gorgeous state.
00:28:43.560 --> 00:28:44.640
Noah St. John: Yes, we love it.
00:28:45.270 --> 00:28:49.530
Morgana and Devin: Especially living in La and you go to Ohio and it's not a desert it's green.
00:28:49.650 --> 00:28:50.250
00:28:51.330 --> 00:28:56.370
Noah St. John: We have lots of green here, and you know, birds and bees and butterflies and.
00:28:56.670 --> 00:29:13.350
Noah St. John: In the backyard, so we and and we say all the time, this is this is pretty awesome because we were gonna we were thinking about going to Vegas or someplace and we're like why this is this is pretty amazing so yeah leaders aren't even bad not anymore.
00:29:16.560 --> 00:29:16.860
00:29:18.090 --> 00:29:19.170
Morgana and Devin: lesson number two.
00:29:19.800 --> 00:29:21.690
Noah St. John: Oh, my God that was just one holy crap.
00:29:23.490 --> 00:29:23.670
Noah St. John: All right.
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:31.200
Noah St. John: alright.
00:29:31.560 --> 00:29:42.720
Noah St. John: Well, anyway, listen to is when I said his laugh together and and that, I mean I don't know any relationship, you know gurus experts who would who would not say that right, I mean laughing is.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:46.530
Noah St. John: It is, it is really it's the best medicine there's no way around it.
00:29:46.860 --> 00:29:56.370
Noah St. John: And what I wrote in my post for those of you curious is you know we don't exactly have the same sense of humor like, for example, I grew up on Monday Python.
00:29:56.640 --> 00:30:06.210
Noah St. John: And she's like what the hell's a Monty Python you know and i'm like what I was yeah she and I showed it to her and she's like I don't get it and i'm like.
00:30:06.870 --> 00:30:08.850
Noah St. John: I thought I tried to explain it to her like you know.
00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:13.980
Noah St. John: I watched it you pretty much had to be there in the 70s, like in the 70s, it was hilarious.
00:30:14.250 --> 00:30:21.870
Noah St. John: But now it does it didn't quite as as well as your face right, so the point is you got to make sure that you find things you laugh about together.
00:30:22.260 --> 00:30:32.370
Noah St. John: You know, so we do we we find you know we watch movies and TV shows that we laugh together and and if we don't laugh together we just find something else you know it's not worth it, you know well, I think it's hilarious.
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:39.750
Noah St. John: I don't get it, we can get to the store and have fun, I mean it's it's connecting with the right partner and.
00:30:40.500 --> 00:30:45.600
Noah St. John: Like I said it took me a while to find someone with you know that has those qualities but.
00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:55.800
Noah St. John: Every day, is it adventure but find things to laugh about that's fine things that make you happy because it's very easy to focus on things that gets you depressed right, I mean.
00:30:56.070 --> 00:31:02.940
Noah St. John: just turn on the news and it's easy to get depressed so just find those things that that that make you smarter make you laugh and then do them together.
00:31:03.270 --> 00:31:05.310
Morgana and Devin: So Okay, can I ask a better question.
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:13.080
Morgana and Devin: Here, what was the thing like when did you know so all of a sudden Steve show or pardon me know shows up just.
00:31:13.590 --> 00:31:14.250
Noah St. John: Whatever you can.
00:31:17.010 --> 00:31:17.820
Morgana and Devin: And I knew that.
00:31:23.670 --> 00:31:24.780
Noah St. John: Go ahead i'm sorry.
00:31:25.140 --> 00:31:26.130
Morgana and Devin: No it's quite all right.
00:31:27.540 --> 00:31:32.790
Morgana and Devin: married, we had a marriage ceremony, where I was called by a totally different name.
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:33.630
00:31:35.250 --> 00:31:36.510
Morgana and Devin: medieval one in.
00:31:37.980 --> 00:31:44.190
Morgana and Devin: Well, that wasn't find me okay That was our Latin bulgari hosts which would have been pretty terrible.
00:31:44.220 --> 00:31:46.380
Noah St. John: yeah that that would not have been good right.
00:31:46.620 --> 00:31:47.160
00:31:48.360 --> 00:31:54.420
Morgana and Devin: How did you know that no, it was the guy for you was there a moment in the dating like.
00:31:54.990 --> 00:32:02.370
Noah St. John: There was a moment the very, very first time that I met Noah first of all I love the name, no I I love the Bible.
00:32:03.330 --> 00:32:10.770
Noah St. John: And i'm very spiritual and I never met a lot of rural Noah and so.
00:32:12.270 --> 00:32:27.150
Noah St. John: He had a purple shirt on and the very first day I met him I swear it was like angels singing there was just a light in the door i'm not making it up and he had this purple shirt on and he just glowed and I want I knew from that moment on, I.
00:32:28.230 --> 00:32:28.980
Noah St. John: fell in love with them.
00:32:29.010 --> 00:32:32.280
Morgana and Devin: So this was before he asked you out.
00:32:32.520 --> 00:32:45.900
Noah St. John: Right well on the phone when he was talking I loved his voice, because you can hear in someone's voice the tone and a little bit about a person right and I had i'm very.
00:32:47.100 --> 00:33:03.210
Noah St. John: I have intuition so talking on the phone I there was just an awesome feeling, you know, in his voice, and I could hear him that, when he goes to speak I I love listening to Noah and I could hear him say the same thing over and over.
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:12.900
Noah St. John: But I love his voice, and I think that's very important to is to find things that you love about the person and keep them.
00:33:13.290 --> 00:33:25.680
Noah St. John: You know what I mean like when you get upset each other or something like that you just think of those awesome things voice are the key things and then you know it's not so bad, you know, and I mean.
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:28.800
Noah St. John: That makes sense it's not a good way.
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:31.800
Noah St. John: But i'm like well why not.
00:33:34.170 --> 00:33:39.030
Noah St. John: When when you walked into the room there is just something about that and.
00:33:41.220 --> 00:33:45.300
Noah St. John: I fell in love with them from that moment on what Glenn said yeah.
00:33:46.830 --> 00:33:47.160
Noah St. John: I saw.
00:33:47.610 --> 00:33:48.240
Noah St. John: me yeah.
00:33:49.020 --> 00:33:51.570
Morgana and Devin: Did you did you have a similar experience Noah.
00:33:52.500 --> 00:33:59.100
Noah St. John: Well, I mean I I knew, she was very beautiful and like I said I never thought you'd be interested in me.
00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:05.100
Noah St. John: So I absolutely thought she was out of my week, so I mean, I was very attracted to her.
00:34:05.430 --> 00:34:16.830
Noah St. John: And then, as we were talking i'm like I really liked her so Those are two different things, so of course you know you can there's can be a very good looking person whether a male or female, and then you start talking to me like.
00:34:18.750 --> 00:34:29.490
Noah St. John: You know, not so much right and so i'm sure we've all had that experience so My point is that she was very beautiful on the outside physically and looking works, but then.
00:34:30.180 --> 00:34:35.580
Noah St. John: As I got to know her she's even more beautiful on the inside she's the most loving person i've ever met that's very rare.
00:34:37.560 --> 00:34:53.550
Noah St. John: And he took me on walks and he got to know me nobody really, really listened to me before and Noah took the time and I knew that inside of me what and cared about what I thought about you know and.
00:34:54.660 --> 00:34:55.410
Morgana and Devin: Scott that.
00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:58.890
Morgana and Devin: Do you think, because you are really beautiful that men just.
00:34:58.920 --> 00:35:01.680
Morgana and Devin: kind of would stop there, in your.
00:35:01.710 --> 00:35:02.400
00:35:03.750 --> 00:35:08.250
Noah St. John: I think that yeah I had a lot of people checked it to me, but not really.
00:35:09.810 --> 00:35:21.210
Noah St. John: i'm a giver so I give and give and give but nobody really gave back to me and no as the very first one, I got he was with a lot of takers yeah.
00:35:21.780 --> 00:35:24.120
Morgana and Devin: I another thing just occurred to me.
00:35:26.190 --> 00:35:34.200
Morgana and Devin: Is that it may not have been safe to receive from other people and Noah created.
00:35:34.710 --> 00:35:36.570
Noah St. John: A safety yeah.
00:35:36.630 --> 00:35:40.050
Morgana and Devin: allow him to give to you and for you to accept it.
00:35:40.620 --> 00:35:51.780
Noah St. John: Right and what's unique about bad bad is because she is so beautiful physically most times when you have a very beautiful woman women hater.
00:35:52.170 --> 00:36:03.030
Noah St. John: You know, women hate that women because they get jealous well when when women when that that walks into a room she just lights up the whole room but what's amazing is that women and men fall in love with her.
00:36:03.510 --> 00:36:10.440
Noah St. John: I everywhere we go and you know we've been traveling together for more than 10 years now, because even before we got married, we were traveling together.
00:36:10.830 --> 00:36:22.920
Noah St. John: And, and then since we've been married you know, of course, before coven and so forth, but you know we would travel and we'd go into whether you know, I was speaking at a conference at an event at a private workshop, where I was speaking around the world.
00:36:23.520 --> 00:36:29.250
Noah St. John: And men and women would just gravitate to her and just like fall in love with her instantly.
00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:34.050
Noah St. John: Going hey i'm not all the books about me what am I chopped liver over here.
00:36:34.380 --> 00:36:35.310
Noah St. John: And they're like yeah.
00:36:35.460 --> 00:36:36.720
Noah St. John: We want to talk about that i'm like.
00:36:37.530 --> 00:36:39.120
Noah St. John: What do I have to do to use.
00:36:40.590 --> 00:36:49.680
Morgana and Devin: My own experience, about that is that that that really, really, really leads with love, so you she's just so generous it's like oh my God i'd never met you before.
00:36:50.700 --> 00:36:56.820
Morgana and Devin: And I feel like you already loves me was like my first experience with you about.
00:36:57.600 --> 00:37:02.910
Noah St. John: The same with you morgana your I connected to you, just like that, when I met you.
00:37:04.020 --> 00:37:04.920
Morgana and Devin: so clearly.
00:37:04.980 --> 00:37:09.930
Noah St. John: Great you look the same love your eyes, you look beautiful and happy.
00:37:11.580 --> 00:37:14.340
Morgana and Devin: So let's make this more about the audience again let's get.
00:37:15.150 --> 00:37:15.630
Morgana and Devin: Oh yeah.
00:37:17.040 --> 00:37:20.010
Morgana and Devin: We have a show Okay, what is what is number two.
00:37:20.700 --> 00:37:23.460
Noah St. John: All right, so we i'm going to put three and four together okay.
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:26.970
Morgana and Devin: We did two two is laughter three okay.
00:37:27.030 --> 00:37:32.850
Noah St. John: three and four is about comparison now everybody says complete don't compare yourself to others, I say compare yourself.
00:37:33.240 --> 00:37:34.830
Noah St. John: Because number one we do it anyway.
00:37:35.160 --> 00:37:42.300
Noah St. John: I mean social media is and so we're always on social media and right so here's what I say, compare but compare strategically meaning.
00:37:42.570 --> 00:37:48.840
Noah St. John: If you see a couple or people, or whatever you know, on social media and they're doing something that you want to do.
00:37:49.560 --> 00:38:00.840
Noah St. John: Then, instead of saying all i'll never have that say how can I have that right, how can we do that money right so let's say we do, can we do that, you know so let's say they're visiting Aruba or.
00:38:01.380 --> 00:38:06.000
Noah St. John: Puerto Rico or whatever the heck right and and you go hey honey, would you like to go to Aruba.
00:38:06.210 --> 00:38:12.600
Noah St. John: yeah sure absolutely so all right let's schedule it right now, of course, I understand that that's not always applicable right you can't always do that.
00:38:12.810 --> 00:38:24.180
Noah St. John: But what i'm saying to you, and that, of course, this is what we work with our clients on right if that's if that's a goal, you have well let's put the plan together to make the goal happen right, because if otherwise it's just a dream.
00:38:24.690 --> 00:38:32.640
Noah St. John: Right and then, but the worst thing is to let the dream devolve into jealousy and envy that's the worst sort of comparison.
00:38:33.060 --> 00:38:39.630
Noah St. John: Right so comparison stupidly or non strategically leads to envy and jealousy that's what most people do.
00:38:39.900 --> 00:38:49.470
Noah St. John: They don't they don't realize they're doing, and of course they're not doing it on purpose, so the point is i'm saying compare but compare strategically meaning hey I want that, too, honey, what do you think, would you like.
00:38:49.740 --> 00:38:52.140
Noah St. John: To do that was like one of these are like to try that.
00:38:52.530 --> 00:38:59.040
Noah St. John: And then you know if it goes out who else fine all right, then let's put a plan together to do it put your plan and get a goal, and if you need help you know you can.
00:38:59.250 --> 00:39:06.150
Noah St. John: Come to people like us, they can go to you, whoever it is they can get a coach they can get help, for you know we have online courses, we have our couples retreat.
00:39:06.570 --> 00:39:18.090
Noah St. John: We have million or habits retreat lots of lots of ways to help people reach their goals but that's what i'm saying is compare but compare strategically what I gotta say something what I love about noah's programs.
00:39:18.420 --> 00:39:26.250
Noah St. John: And when we're coaching couples and stuff Is that how he gets people to actually see inside themselves.
00:39:26.640 --> 00:39:41.190
Noah St. John: And also see the beauty in the other person that maybe they first seen back in the day, you know but bringing it out like coven Okay, a lot of people were in the same building same home, you know, seeing each other 24 seven.
00:39:42.390 --> 00:39:52.740
Noah St. John: And no, it has a way of I mean we brought a lot of people together so they can see an even their kids the family, you know they became closer because.
00:39:54.120 --> 00:40:12.240
Noah St. John: scene, the scene how that person is feeling is what I guess what I want to say, and because you're with them 24 seven and there's ways there's unique ways and and things that you can do to actually bring out the best in somebody instead of being irritated about the things.
00:40:13.980 --> 00:40:15.420
Noah St. John: Right exactly.
00:40:16.080 --> 00:40:30.750
Morgana and Devin: So, so of course that leads to another question, and I know we're going to get back to numbers five and six soon, what do you suggest couples do to sort of bring that out that love back out from each other.
00:40:31.950 --> 00:40:38.670
Noah St. John: Well, and all it all has to do with what you focus on right when you focus on grows So if you focus on what you hate guess what you get more of okay.
00:40:39.300 --> 00:40:43.140
Noah St. John: If you focus on what annoys what you focus, if you focus on what annoys you get more annoyed.
00:40:43.770 --> 00:40:53.910
Noah St. John: So you got to focus on just like when you were starting to date when you at the beginning of dating everything's magical oh my God, this is great, this is great, this is great, this is great, and you start to live together, like.
00:40:54.390 --> 00:41:01.920
Noah St. John: boy I wish they pick up their socks why, why did, why did they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle what kind of an idiot squeeze the toothpaste from the Middle East visit from the end.
00:41:02.370 --> 00:41:02.640
00:41:05.340 --> 00:41:06.270
Noah St. John: I did that on purpose.
00:41:08.070 --> 00:41:09.420
Noah St. John: So there you go right why.
00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:20.700
Noah St. John: Is it and you start to focus on the annoyances and you forget all the things that you love, so I mean and that's just honestly it's a it's a conscious effort, because boy isn't it easy to get focused on the wrong things.
00:41:22.290 --> 00:41:26.460
Morgana and Devin: You bring up an interesting point of being conscious.
00:41:26.730 --> 00:41:29.820
Morgana and Devin: I think personally it's one of the things that is.
00:41:30.330 --> 00:41:37.080
Morgana and Devin: Critical to not only to relationships, but living well across the board, because I think that.
00:41:38.580 --> 00:41:47.280
Morgana and Devin: So much of the mistakes, at least if I think about my own history, most of the mistakes, I made were almost solely based on me reacting to a thing.
00:41:47.610 --> 00:41:50.760
Morgana and Devin: and trying to fix it in sort of like almost a desperate.
00:41:51.450 --> 00:42:07.020
Morgana and Devin: mode and I found that sort of that consciousness, the awareness of how is my relationship manifesting today how am I treating my wife in this moment right now.
00:42:07.710 --> 00:42:16.680
Morgana and Devin: Those seems to be the much far and away greater solutions to things then shall we say, oh I gotta run out by flowers to fix it.
00:42:17.130 --> 00:42:19.170
Noah St. John: exactly right.
00:42:19.500 --> 00:42:22.140
Morgana and Devin: Which is never fixed anything ever.
00:42:23.190 --> 00:42:28.050
Morgana and Devin: It had some flowers after a fight right father's after fight maybe for two seconds.
00:42:28.080 --> 00:42:37.620
Morgana and Devin: or something right is there is that, how do you use consciousness and certainly bet bet Noah you know how do you guys work at it.
00:42:38.340 --> 00:42:48.660
Noah St. John: Well, I mean, I think you said it very well David, and again I would, I would just I one of the things we work with our clients on you know, in the couple's retreat and in our in our online programs is exactly that.
00:42:48.900 --> 00:43:00.240
Noah St. John: is becoming conscious becoming aware of it, and we use the word focus it's what you focus on what you focus on grows is that it's just that simple, and so, if you focus on annoyances.
00:43:00.600 --> 00:43:12.240
Noah St. John: you'll certainly find them, I mean it's very easy to find things that annoy you about the you know the best of us the saints if you'll forgive the pun, because we are saints, but anyway, you know.
00:43:14.550 --> 00:43:15.120
Noah St. John: anyway.
00:43:16.530 --> 00:43:26.430
Noah St. John: You know what I mean so and so you've got to consciously shift your focus, which is hard, I mean it doesn't have to be as hard as some people make it, however.
00:43:27.210 --> 00:43:41.100
Noah St. John: I mean, I like i'm sure we all know, couples are individuals who you know are always saying to their to either you know us as counselors coaches, or to their significant other you know how come you always this.
00:43:41.700 --> 00:43:53.760
Noah St. John: And and and why don't you ever that and it's like well you know that some of these things aren't going to change, you know if they squeeze the toothpaste, in the middle that's probably what they're going to keep doing and i'll use the cat and the cat or whatever.
00:43:55.740 --> 00:44:00.210
Noah St. John: Now it's like what do you want to do you know what are you going to focus on so.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:04.980
Noah St. John: I mean that that to me that's how we look at at what you're what you're using the term consciousness.
00:44:06.090 --> 00:44:07.530
Morgana and Devin: And I actually.
00:44:08.580 --> 00:44:21.330
Morgana and Devin: And that may be why our relationship is happy, is that it feels easy to look at Devon with gushy rose colored glasses because i'm.
00:44:22.740 --> 00:44:26.910
Morgana and Devin: i've been doing it so long that is just habitual it doesn't take effort.
00:44:27.150 --> 00:44:32.820
Morgana and Devin: Right um but, but I think that is in the end, what love is.
00:44:32.910 --> 00:44:36.540
Morgana and Devin: Is of like a positive bias.
00:44:36.870 --> 00:44:37.200
Noah St. John: that's right.
00:44:37.260 --> 00:44:41.760
Morgana and Devin: A positive filter when you when you look at this person that you choose.
00:44:42.330 --> 00:44:52.890
Noah St. John: I like what you said morgana because right, some people have to put on the Rose colored colored glasses to see their person again their partner again and.
00:44:53.610 --> 00:45:05.610
Noah St. John: The expectations, because Noah can expect me to be Noah and I can't expect know what to be me but there's that adapting in on I mean if if I know that.
00:45:06.570 --> 00:45:20.790
Noah St. John: Like, for instance I love after he eats you know his meal or I love bringing know of the food, you know if i'm getting them to do it don't do yes.
00:45:20.910 --> 00:45:22.200
Morgana and Devin: and welcome to mid like love.
00:45:24.060 --> 00:45:25.800
Noah St. John: Is make it easy on him.
00:45:26.010 --> 00:45:26.430
Morgana and Devin: Right.
00:45:26.640 --> 00:45:45.660
Noah St. John: So my kids would come come and go, why are you taking know his plate, you know this is when we first were together, and I said because I want to show him that's just an act of showing that I appreciate him so i'll take his plate and get you know get rid of the dinner plate okay we're.
00:45:47.370 --> 00:45:57.450
Noah St. John: not expecting a he has to do his own, and I have to get my own and and I don't expect her to do it, you know he don't I don't say all right honey bring me my dinner now I mean that would be that.
00:45:57.690 --> 00:46:03.750
Noah St. John: I don't think I would like that, but it's a little you know I would never do I don't expect her to do it, and she does it anyway that's what's awesome.
00:46:04.020 --> 00:46:14.160
Noah St. John: Because, if I were demanding in are expecting it then she probably wouldn't want to do it so much, but it's it's taking the time to do the little things that you know that would make a huge difference, you know.
00:46:15.090 --> 00:46:29.850
Morgana and Devin: I think you bring up an incredibly important point, because most of what we're dealing with in our lives are not the huge catastrophe user wonderful celebrations, most of the stuff that we are dealing with on a daily base basis is the little things.
00:46:29.970 --> 00:46:33.120
Morgana and Devin: So when we pay attention to small details.
00:46:33.480 --> 00:46:37.020
Morgana and Devin: That just means there's one fewer thing that she has to worry about today.
00:46:37.650 --> 00:46:40.020
Morgana and Devin: And it's usually a handful of things.
00:46:40.080 --> 00:46:40.620
00:46:41.670 --> 00:46:56.700
Morgana and Devin: And no I don't want to I don't want to wait on her hand and foot, nor do I expect her to do that, for me, but to do little nice things because I think the important thing, and I always talk about this is that I picked her out of everybody.
00:46:57.240 --> 00:47:03.480
Morgana and Devin: Right, not to say that I had an avalanche of possible you know women everybody.
00:47:06.180 --> 00:47:06.660
Noah St. John: Some on.
00:47:07.650 --> 00:47:08.250
Morgana and Devin: The point is.
00:47:09.750 --> 00:47:13.800
Morgana and Devin: This is the, this is the person that I chose so from that standpoint.
00:47:14.130 --> 00:47:26.430
Morgana and Devin: You know she's sacred and the more I treat the relationship sacred, the more special and confident she can feel within the relationship where she doesn't have to worry about any bitty little things generally, I mean.
00:47:26.910 --> 00:47:36.750
Morgana and Devin: Where if I if I make a mistake which i'm bound to she's more likely to overlook it because there's already a longer list of things that I was attempting.
00:47:37.020 --> 00:47:42.900
Morgana and Devin: to accomplish that serve her during our average day together because i'm going to mess up right.
00:47:43.080 --> 00:47:45.810
Morgana and Devin: All right, i'm gonna say the wrong name.
00:47:49.230 --> 00:47:51.240
Morgana and Devin: i'm gonna do some ridiculous thing.
00:47:51.690 --> 00:47:53.130
Morgana and Devin: That wasn't intended.
00:47:54.090 --> 00:47:55.260
Morgana and Devin: Please forgive me, by the way.
00:48:01.410 --> 00:48:01.920
Noah St. John: So.
00:48:01.980 --> 00:48:03.660
Morgana and Devin: You know I mean so but it's a process.
00:48:03.690 --> 00:48:07.830
Morgana and Devin: Right and so sometimes the things I think will make her happy don't necessarily.
00:48:08.430 --> 00:48:09.240
Morgana and Devin: make her happy.
00:48:09.300 --> 00:48:12.210
Morgana and Devin: Right and then I have to switch gears to find something that I.
00:48:12.540 --> 00:48:16.350
Morgana and Devin: I think, will serve her in a better way to let her know that she's important.
00:48:16.650 --> 00:48:17.250
00:48:18.780 --> 00:48:24.690
Morgana and Devin: that's why we're getting married 100 times in 100 countries because I just need that depth of reassurance.
00:48:24.990 --> 00:48:25.770
Morgana and Devin: Why not.
00:48:26.370 --> 00:48:27.870
Morgana and Devin: Why not let's whatever works.
00:48:31.050 --> 00:48:33.090
Morgana and Devin: 25 weddings in I don't I get it.
00:48:33.360 --> 00:48:40.890
Morgana and Devin: I get it yeah so I mean it's it's just a thing so So are we on to we had to do we do three and four.
00:48:41.100 --> 00:48:41.700
Noah St. John: Yes, we did.
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:44.010
Morgana and Devin: Okay, so what's five.
00:48:44.460 --> 00:48:55.320
Noah St. John: So five is something dear and near and dear to my heart, because it is something that we call take out your head trash everyday amazingly i've written a book called take out your head trash about money.
00:48:55.380 --> 00:48:56.550
Morgana and Devin: And, and the link.
00:48:56.610 --> 00:48:58.380
Morgana and Devin: The link to the book will be in the show notes.
00:48:58.440 --> 00:49:04.710
Noah St. John: Exactly, so it send me a book no a.com
very easy to remember, but basically your head trash is the voice that says i'm not good enough.
00:49:05.190 --> 00:49:17.190
Noah St. John: Right and so every day we all have to work on taking out that trash that says i'm not enough, in fact, ironically over 20 years ago my very first newsletter that I ever sent out when I was in my.
00:49:18.420 --> 00:49:27.030
Noah St. John: 300 square foot basement apartment when I started my company success clinic calm with $800 in a book on html and my very first newsletter is called you are enough.
00:49:27.390 --> 00:49:34.890
Noah St. John: Because I realized that most people don't think there are enough now you see a lot of a lot of people talking about you are enough like dude I was talking about that two decades ago, so.
00:49:35.160 --> 00:49:47.190
Noah St. John: You know, whatever anyway, but my point is now what we talked about, and what we teach is getting rid of that head trash that head trash that says i'm not enough so that I mean i've basically written 15 books on this one subject saying hey.
00:49:47.790 --> 00:49:56.280
Noah St. John: You are enough right, but we have to really get that because I mean you know, for those of us who had a shitty job like I did you know that can take a while.
00:49:57.570 --> 00:50:04.800
Morgana and Devin: Well, I think that you know so many people address so many issues, you know money love.
00:50:04.860 --> 00:50:11.550
Morgana and Devin: Health career they're like all doors to the same room and I think the core issue of everything is.
00:50:12.600 --> 00:50:14.400
Morgana and Devin: That feeling that we're not enough.
00:50:14.460 --> 00:50:20.610
Morgana and Devin: not good enough not smart enough not whatever enough, I think that is the core wound up being human being so bravo.
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:22.410
Morgana and Devin: Thank you for tuning into that.
00:50:22.950 --> 00:50:27.240
Noah St. John: Well, and that's me like I said I basically written all these books, because I needed them.
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:29.790
Noah St. John: And, of course, a lot of people have said that.
00:50:29.970 --> 00:50:33.870
Noah St. John: You know they've changed their lives so anyway so that's less than five so and less than.
00:50:35.220 --> 00:50:44.280
Noah St. John: Six, is what I wrote is that marriage is not 5050 right you hear this all the time i'll marriage is 5050 i'm like where Where are you at with everyone.
00:50:44.910 --> 00:50:48.960
Noah St. John: because everybody every everybody, I should say each person.
00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:59.730
Noah St. John: In the marriage believe firmly believes that they do more than the other, each person firmly believes that they sacrifice one, on the other, each person firmly believes that they work harder than the other and guess what they're both right.
00:51:00.180 --> 00:51:11.700
Noah St. John: You know, so I could give you all the arguments of I worked out in this relationship that she does and guess what she can give you the exact same argument back and we're both right, so the point is it's not 5050 and 100 hundred and just get over it.
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:23.070
Noah St. John: You know I mean it's like if you're trying to be even a not and forget it forget it, you know score so going back to the point about you know the dishes right, I mean.
00:51:23.700 --> 00:51:35.070
Noah St. John: Sometimes, he doesn't take the dish you know she's talking on the phone or whatever i'm like I don't say they go oh my God you didn't take my dad's name was Robert do today, I go to take the damn this I mean get over yourself right, you know what I mean so.
00:51:35.820 --> 00:51:39.930
Noah St. John: This isn't the 1950s, we got it we got to kind of roll with the times here.
00:51:40.500 --> 00:51:50.460
Morgana and Devin: I love that yeah no, I think that I think that's a great one, and you know truthfully if you're giving 100% if you're really trying within the relationship I think what's important is.
00:51:50.730 --> 00:51:52.380
Morgana and Devin: there's some days, where.
00:51:52.530 --> 00:51:58.020
Morgana and Devin: Somebody is depressed or had just for small things.
00:51:58.170 --> 00:52:01.770
Morgana and Devin: That they're just not going to get over for that day or that week or that month.
00:52:01.980 --> 00:52:08.430
Morgana and Devin: Right sometimes somebody gets clinically depressed who knows right somebody parent gets sick or something there's million things.
00:52:08.490 --> 00:52:11.400
Morgana and Devin: That go wrong and part of the commitment.
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:30.630
Morgana and Devin: is my job is to help serve her when that that's that's the better for, for better or for worse line right in there for time immemorial, because that's what's bound to happen there's going to be some nonsense that's going to going to happen it's gonna happen to everybody so.
00:52:30.690 --> 00:52:31.020
Noah St. John: So.
00:52:31.470 --> 00:52:35.610
Morgana and Devin: The more you get used to that idea of just like okay i'm here to be of service.
00:52:36.720 --> 00:52:39.210
Morgana and Devin: when the chips don't fall in.
00:52:39.270 --> 00:52:45.060
Morgana and Devin: Her direction or mine hopefully she'll show up, but she always has so i'm not i'm not too concerned about that.
00:52:45.120 --> 00:52:48.570
Morgana and Devin: But I mean part of that is is the more that you do that.
00:52:49.290 --> 00:52:54.150
Morgana and Devin: I think the more the other person is going to feel safe to love.
00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:58.710
Morgana and Devin: that they have a team, a team Member because there's you know.
00:52:59.070 --> 00:53:09.900
Morgana and Devin: dark nights of the soul yeah 100% doesn't look the same every single day, sometimes you have less capacity or more capacity I love that I think that's so beautiful to take the.
00:53:10.140 --> 00:53:12.720
Morgana and Devin: Just for keeping in the 5050 out of that I think of.
00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:24.000
Noah St. John: January exactly do you want to go to our next lessons it's just in the interest of time here yeah so what I wrote was that our next lesson is always speak well of your spouse.
00:53:24.990 --> 00:53:33.660
Noah St. John: Now, and what I said, is that you know if you ever make a passing remark about your spouse let's say to a family member or friend, you know, he said he always does.
00:53:34.590 --> 00:53:45.840
Noah St. John: She bought my mind right and then guess what that person will repeat it back to you a million times right remember when she when you when she did that to you, and remember when he did that and you're like I don't even remember that.
00:53:47.250 --> 00:53:58.020
Noah St. John: Like what you know you got over it, but see it was your fault, be speaking to you know you in general, because you said it right so don't do that just shut up don't say anything.
00:53:58.410 --> 00:54:02.430
Noah St. John: To anyone else, and please for the love of God don't post on social media.
00:54:03.390 --> 00:54:13.290
Noah St. John: idiotic right, I mean Oh, and my spouse America now again all of these I get it, I mean sometimes like in my case and in her case to you know.
00:54:13.710 --> 00:54:21.510
Noah St. John: You weren't with the right person, you know prior to us, we weren't with the right person so it's certainly i'm not suggesting that you know.
00:54:21.930 --> 00:54:36.450
Noah St. John: You just take a bunch of shit I mean that's You see, but it's it's a respected person tough The point is, if you're if you're in that committed relationship that you know that you want to be committed to then don't don't say it in public my guy just keep your mouth shut.
00:54:36.990 --> 00:54:42.450
Morgana and Devin: That goes back to that focus thing, because when you put it out in the public it kind of magnifies.
00:54:43.230 --> 00:54:53.250
Noah St. John: Exactly sometimes, especially with family, especially with family if you're talking to your family, and you know when we and you know we're I used to be guilty of this, I never do it with her.
00:54:53.970 --> 00:55:04.050
Noah St. John: But she really taught me this lesson, because she has never ever said anything bad about me to any family member ever, and I mean there's plenty of stuff that she could have said, you know.
00:55:05.010 --> 00:55:16.650
Noah St. John: You know, and she doesn't she that never has never and I spect him, and also my family respects them and they love them because they don't I keep that out, I mean if.
00:55:16.980 --> 00:55:30.570
Noah St. John: Like back in the beginning, knew that things that would irritate me or something, because I demand respect for him yeah and i'm the first defender so exactly awesome.
00:55:31.920 --> 00:55:35.700
Noah St. John: But I get along so well with devon's mother i'm the.
00:55:35.880 --> 00:55:41.790
Morgana and Devin: First partner who has ever really gotten along with his mother and the reason is ever.
00:55:42.570 --> 00:55:44.370
Morgana and Devin: On the capital, he is.
00:55:44.670 --> 00:55:50.670
Morgana and Devin: so easy because all we do is talk about how much we love Devon.
00:55:51.360 --> 00:55:53.400
Morgana and Devin: yeah that's beautiful have that in common.
00:55:55.500 --> 00:56:07.440
Noah St. John: Well it's the same with my mother with her and, and here it is if I call if I call my mother here's what it goes like i'm on oh hi honey and then better God hi hi Carol hi back.
00:56:17.700 --> 00:56:18.660
Noah St. John: chopped liver again.
00:56:21.510 --> 00:56:22.590
Noah St. John: When she just shows up.
00:56:26.760 --> 00:56:30.210
Noah St. John: When we were getting married and his dad was his best when.
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:39.240
Noah St. John: His dad was she went on and on about her and like I got two sentences i'm going.
00:56:40.650 --> 00:56:41.700
Noah St. John: wow man.
00:56:42.720 --> 00:56:44.550
Noah St. John: over here again I get the columns again.
00:56:46.200 --> 00:57:00.870
Noah St. John: But I mean I get it see at this point is it looks still looks good on me, because he I got this I got this so I still want but but also I help them to see the great exactly absolutely does that.
00:57:02.250 --> 00:57:02.550
Morgana and Devin: yeah.
00:57:03.210 --> 00:57:10.710
Noah St. John: Oh man alright so let's see Moving on, so our next lesson is what speak up when something's bothering you but do it in private.
00:57:11.220 --> 00:57:24.630
Noah St. John: Okay, so that's again what i'm talking about exactly this lesson, so these two lessons go together so again if if let's say your your spouse your partner does something that you know you don't like talk about it to the person not and.
00:57:25.650 --> 00:57:31.980
Noah St. John: Not in public don't do it just keep your damn mouth shut, and you think that's easy thing it's the hardest thing.
00:57:32.520 --> 00:57:37.710
Noah St. John: Because what's easiest thing to do is gossip right and bladder back because you get that you know you get that.
00:57:38.490 --> 00:57:56.430
Noah St. John: That that that that immediate sense of oC oh poor you are victim or whatever, and everybody loves to play that card it's the dumbest card to play and it'll come back to bite you I promise and so she I definitely learned this from her is just shut up.
00:57:56.880 --> 00:58:09.840
Noah St. John: Keep your mouth shut and going live it going right, I mean if something is bothering you don't just bottle it up and don't talk about that's not what i'm saying at all, I think, just don't say the public does it there's a forum for everything and that form is not social media because.
00:58:10.020 --> 00:58:10.830
Morgana and Devin: There is.
00:58:11.160 --> 00:58:25.260
Morgana and Devin: There is, you know when you talk about gossip you know when you look at sort of like religion and things like that every religion has a thing about Gospel like forbidden, because at some point you can't unring the bell.
00:58:27.150 --> 00:58:28.800
Morgana and Devin: I can't you can't do it.
00:58:28.860 --> 00:58:29.220
Noah St. John: You can.
00:58:30.750 --> 00:58:35.010
Morgana and Devin: Do it and I think it's a really important one to kind of just keep that in mind, I mean.
00:58:35.190 --> 00:58:38.310
Morgana and Devin: don't get me wrong we've had our rose because we're human.
00:58:38.940 --> 00:58:45.210
Morgana and Devin: But it's not something that you know you take it to, as you said, social media, etc, I think it's a tough one, to overcome.
00:58:45.540 --> 00:58:56.250
Morgana and Devin: For the other person, because now it on top of sort of like hey I maybe I messed up now you're dealing with sort of like the level of whatever potential humiliation, maybe piled on top of that.
00:58:56.310 --> 00:59:05.610
Noah St. John: that's right and it is it's an easy game to play, but it's a dumb game to play in it and there's no there's no winners real quick it's just like say.
00:59:07.500 --> 00:59:14.010
Noah St. John: A husband and wife is, we had a couple like this, a husband wife is is always bantering and.
00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:24.960
Noah St. John: Then they, the wife would go and talk to her family right and then over going to divorce, he caught the talks about divorce all the time, all the time.
00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:33.270
Noah St. John: And then, when you have a social gathering and they make up the husband wife makeup right the family still remembers what had happened that's right right.
00:59:33.570 --> 00:59:48.510
Noah St. John: And then, when you go to have the family it's such there's there's the elephant in the room and it's they've made up the husband a wife made up, but the family will hold that light and give the gestures and.
00:59:49.830 --> 00:59:52.020
Noah St. John: Exactly can't forget.
00:59:52.590 --> 00:59:54.990
Noah St. John: And that's a big thing is to forgive and to forget.
00:59:55.800 --> 00:59:58.680
Morgana and Devin: Why, I think you can take it to a coach.
00:59:59.820 --> 01:00:02.850
Morgana and Devin: The grievances you take it to a coach you take it to a therapist you take.
01:00:02.850 --> 01:00:03.420
Morgana and Devin: Exactly.
01:00:03.450 --> 01:00:06.060
Noah St. John: To somebody who's not emotionally invested.
01:00:06.270 --> 01:00:08.580
Noah St. John: There you go not emotion that's rested and not.
01:00:08.610 --> 01:00:09.900
Morgana and Devin: The outcome of the thing.
01:00:10.260 --> 01:00:18.630
Noah St. John: Right exactly all right so listen nines around less than nine and 10 alright so just wrapping it up here so less than nine is be open to being wrong.
01:00:19.380 --> 01:00:25.590
Noah St. John: Because I say it all the time I love it when i'm wrong because a lot of times when i'm wrong, it means i'm growing i'm learning i'm.
01:00:26.070 --> 01:00:35.340
Noah St. John: Transforming and becoming a better version of me, so I said, all the time I love I love being wrong now you know there's some things that i'm not wrong about.
01:00:35.670 --> 01:00:42.180
Noah St. John: But a lot of times i'm wrong about, for example, head trash right like I think i'm not good enough, and she will.
01:00:42.540 --> 01:00:52.950
Noah St. John: come in and show me that I can do something that maybe I thought I couldn't do maybe I thought I couldn't overcome that fear or whatever it might be, so there are things it's really great to be wrong about.
01:00:53.310 --> 01:01:00.060
Noah St. John: You know that I couldn't do something or i'm not good enough, etc, so be open to those types of being wrong and and you know.
01:01:00.420 --> 01:01:06.780
Noah St. John: an acknowledgement Simon stoner right absolutely absolutely catch people doing things right, and then our final lesson.
01:01:07.230 --> 01:01:11.220
Noah St. John: is really to ask better questions, which of course you knew I had to include that because.
01:01:11.520 --> 01:01:23.460
Noah St. John: Well, the things I have been teaching for many years is APP formations my APP formations which you've already mentioned here on this program you go to our formations calm and learn about how to ask empowering questions which is might have formations method.
01:01:24.540 --> 01:01:35.580
Noah St. John: But the point is about asking questions that you know that elicit better answers right instead of Why am I so dumb you know why am I enough.
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Noah St. John: And so the point is the questions that can help you see yourself better help you see your partner better help you see your spouse better help you see your world better, these are the questions that have changed people's lives change our clients lives in the last few decades.
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Noah St. John: I could give you so many stories from people who have overcome addiction, who have not committed suicide have not gotten a divorce, we had a couple in Germany.
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Noah St. John: That wrote to me years ago and they said, we were about to get a divorce, we had the divorce papers on the desk ready to be signed you can't get any closer to divorce and the papers or they're ready to decide.
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Noah St. John: And somehow the husband heard about me on a program heard about me on the radio or on YouTube or whatever it might be found my APP formations method.
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Noah St. John: taught it to his wife, you know shared it with her and they started a forming using my affirmations method, they made up they swapped the divorce papers now they're best friends, this was years ago.
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Noah St. John: I mean literally I mean that's just one example of.
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Noah St. John: 1000 so the point is about asking better questions is he I mean I do argue.
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Morgana and Devin: Because we're kind of at a time that I have one really good question for you.
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Morgana and Devin: yeah Why is mid life love better.
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Noah St. John: Well, I mean there's it just goes back to that old saying youth is wasted on the young.
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Noah St. John: And I know it was for me i'd love to get an a time machine and go back and tell my younger self dude I mean just hang in there man you're gonna.
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Noah St. John: Get security pretty awesome so but ya know it suck my my youth was awful so that's why I mid life love is is the best because you just smarter and and more seasoning under your belt.
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Morgana and Devin: This is so much fun I would love to talk with the two of you forever it's sort of like a double date which will have to do at some point.
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Noah St. John: If you're ever in this way we'd love to have you come over.
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Morgana and Devin: Well, I, as I said, I have family so.
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Morgana and Devin: i'll let you know.
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Morgana and Devin: So thank you.