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Bringing Intimacy Back, 25/03/2021

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Show Headline
Bringing Intimacy Back
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with Dr. April Brown and Dr. Kelly Bushey with guest Dr. Linda De Villers

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr. April Brown and Dr. Kelly Bushey with guest Dr. Linda De Villers

Guest, Dr Linda De Villers

Guest Name
Dr Linda De Villers
Guest Occupation
Psychologist, Professor, and Author
Guest Biography

Linda De Villers is a licensed psychologist with a background of over 35 years in sex therapy. She's taught classes on human sexuality, therapy, and more in universities all over California. Her two books focus on what you can add to your sexual relationships.

Bringing Intimacy Back

Show Host

As we look around in this world today, it seems we are becoming more disconnected from one another, even though we have the technology to connect to more and more people than ever before. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy (in its many forms) is one of the top three reasons why relationships struggle and many times end.

Thus the Bringing Intimacy Back talk show is a show dedicated to inspire, enlighten, and encourage intimate connections. This show provides an engaging atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to enhance intimacy in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. The show will discuss intimate connections in many different forms, such as sex, communication, emotional, physical, health, and spiritual. In fact, research has shown that as we increase our intimate connection with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.  It will help decrease the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives.

THE MISSION

Increasing intimacy for all has become Dr. April’s mission. The mission statement of the show is to provide an atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to increase closeness in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. Therefore, Dr. April started in February 2018 to host her own new Radio/TV Show Bringing Intimacy Back where she and other intimacy experts will provide resources and tips on increasing intimacy in all types of relationships. Audience members will be able to transform their relationships through relationship experts’ insights, useful and practical resources, role-playing, and audience participation. The show’s goal is to show its audience members that intimacy can be alive and real in the relationships we desired.

Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

welcome to the bring intimacy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with yourself your significant other children and family friends community and your higher power this show is for you that's we explore intimate topics inspiring life story. Tuality and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April ever tell those dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April Angel host dr. Kelly welcome to the bring an intimacy back show where intimacy is real hey dr. Kelly how are you doing
I'm doing pretty fantastic hello from Las Vegas and it's fantastic I actually was in Santa Monica at the pier and went down to Venice Beach where I had an honor of her show today with dr. Linda de Villiers I had a moisture and aphrodisiac yes I did not far from where she has been in Santa Monica so I'm really looking forward to this episode today yeah they are so that is definitely what made you feel a little sexy
I have some questions actually I I don't know how long it takes to affect me but I only had one so I have some questions for doctor's ability or yes I'm excited about getting this show started and I just wanted to let you know before we get started we want to continue to bring about important and informative topics to bring an intimacy back so we have started a patreon account and if you want dr. Kelly and my thoughts and a weekly show and tips on intimacy our patreon is for you and by subscribing to this intimate with flexion patreon tear we will send you repost show talks for intimacy tips a month and by joining bringing it to Missy back Patron you will be directly supported running also and gives us more time for production until you become a patron it's you just go to a patreon.com b i b
stentor bring an intimacy back bi bi podcast And subscribe for $5 a month for intimate with fractions. Which is great and so as we continue to move forward and then last week we talked about finding your voice and we're still look at it and that was that was amazing and we're still in this section here yes yes in this section here yes today's topic is simple sexy food which is exciting aphrodisiac tasting aphrodisiac recipes and Central tips to help all of us increased libido and I would like to welcome an expert in this I mean she's been writing about it talking about he's has a podcast she's also a sex therapist in spending it feels so much anyway I would like to introduce dr. Linda to feel as welcome
I did about having you on the show yes and then about your book yes about the sexy Foods
yeah I actually found this book little history doctor the builders on my sister and I were shopping and I saw it is booked my sister Ruthie said we have to get you on the shelf and so and she's had eight children mind you until I reached out I had the producer reach out to get you were so thrilled to have you here can't wait to hear more from you were you going to come anywhere where are you
how did you find out which had an Amazon book store bought it and then put it back on
I sell out interesting well I stumbled upon it and I believe in Providence because listen that was fantastic I'm not a chef I haven't been able to cook any of these but it was in Southwest Florida so what inspired your how did you get involved in this I just want to Dive Right In how did this start for you were you just like it there with Easy Bake Oven in Santa Monica where you were being rude going I like to know what I mean what happened is that a friend of mine a colleague in the LA area said to me hey you know these days the white people make resignations they don't do as they do a DVD I know you show a little excerpts of themselves on television shows which I have been on a number up and so forth and you know and I'll be sure you
credentials and I said to him well if you're going to do all of that I want what's on my paper resume which is my interest so one of my interest is cooking and sexy food and as well as tennis and some other things so I did a whole you know a coffee table worth of essential Foods went off to a local market and spent a lot of money putting all these the luxurious Foods on the table and my friend says to me there's your Nextbook really maybe that's true
and my first so he she thought I did not hit planted the thought in my head my first book called love skills is a sex positive book about enriching relationships and intimacy and I've always been focused on the positive end of sexuality and not the not the negative, so I'm much more interested in enhancing sexuality and it led to a hot it was an 8-year project because I not only do therapy but I'm also been teaching on sexuality classes and I have some research painting so I said well I need to gather some surveys and some data so the book became a combination of both recipes and really Some solid look at what aphrodisiac foods are and how am I help you
and also did the surveys that found out what people personally thought was most useful to them in the way of aphrodisiac foods
I want to ask you how you write as we always ask our guests how do you define intimacy so it's me springboard off and I myself am not but I have done a lot some relational counseling and I'm so grateful that you're talking about it in a positive way because it can truly be proceeded negative how do you define villain
again I'm going to draw from some classified far from personal social awareness because we got emotional intimacy that you probably would not share it with somebody else and being willing to be vulnerable about that but it's also obviously it possible to talk about physical intimacy that's one euphemisms for sex there is there is creating intimacy there is intellectual Intimacy in all of these things are about sharing ideas or become same wavelength with somebody about various things
do you want more no that's good that you put it and I think even in the sense of what we're talking about and you put the word being creative yes yeah and that's kind of even in the book that you're yes it's about being creative with the food
yeah yeah yeah I see the taches Ry out of focus on let's talk about sexy food or food whichever term you prefer it is it's breaking a routine when you start focusing that way you'll probably going to look at the food differently one of the terms coined is erotic lenses and it means like go round the world and start looking at things and noticed their erotic potential
so I mean I could name a million food but let's start with one that was in my backyard when I was growing up it was called an avocado tree as a Californian and I hope other people elsewhere as well love avocados but you know I don't know that they look at it
however if you put on your erotic lenses one of the reason I think I picked avocado is because there's both masculine and feminine aspects of an avocado that are quite erotic the outside texture of an avocado and its shape does it remind you of anything
what's a reminder for April
I thinking of the inside but do you wear with your mutt Yelp outside
oh okay I testicle yes thank you languages and when you even look at an avocado tree how they tend to do you have orange juice
Jennifer Park
so just saying
wow it's not an aphrodisiac though correct if you're talking about the erotic lens were you looking at it and saying let's just not rush this process is what I hear you saying
early explorers to the Americas were enamored by the fruit in it and it took it back to Europe where Francis is Sun King Louie Couture's Louis XIV very very well-known
call this a good pair and he said it enhanced his libido who considered it a forbidden fruit and told their parents shinners you must not eat this it might turn you on
baywest with another person 20th century icon as it were stripper who indicated that she ate an avocado a day and it checked her erotic juices going
I just walked by her star on the Hollywood Walk of Faith didn't even know that now that's a perfect example of aphrodisiac for something like an avocado it's not to say it's not as if you're going to sit down and eat an avocado I just suddenly returned on but on the other hand if you leave this into a sensual meal and you have the knowledge that I just told you that hey this is a Lusty food
it came through the power of expectation
help turn you off
yeah she talking to Phyllis and you stay in bed when we take these erotic lives and we put them on and we think about and look at something and I were talking about food right now and we look at it and we think about all the erotic stuff that food has that it can turn a food into an aphrodisiac that you wait one or oyster now even if you ate half a dozen oysters there is some research that actually found that mussels and clams do trigger by chemical
experience that does raise testosterone a little bit and so forth but the truth
it's not just the food itself but it is this
I'm going to have a sensual experience while I eat my question and maybe I'm even going to serve this waster to my partner that I'm with
okay okay hey I'm I'm I'm going to show you something. The developers I kept this this is
blue Pointe oyster do I would like for you to put on your erotic lens or maybe lunch should we try it on. 3 April
dr. April please put on your erotic lens I'm going to show you different parts of this this is the very first choice ER I have ever had the last just kidding but I'm just look at this but I'm your erotic one and I'm going to show you different sides of this
tell me what you see and then we'll talk about that not rushing me experience
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and meanwhile remember some people are allergic to my lights the difference in sushi so people under the age of 35 and then you better believe it. Do you think it's because they eat it in one bite you know you don't like this. Are you know I don't know they just making devour it if you work hard you know it is
why was I can stay with me for you you know you didn't have to make it yourself so there I was personally shocked to see this show up. I think it was that was when my girlfriend made me mac and cheese naked in bed what was what's up with that that was an outlier response
maybe it has a I would go back to the book for asparagus soup it is Velveteen I can't it is favoring sexy or the whole purpose of Slow Down slow down and savor
don't you know I will in the United States that many people eat on a problem I mean it helped that these foods with very healthy foods
I just think it's more fun why don't you eat this because you're just adding different twist but if you read slowly you're likely to have you work with couples who've been I'm assuming that the sex therapist you broke the top has to struggle with intimacy and with Zak when you start talking about this how does that I happen to believe enough in what I called lifestyle factors that affect sexual expression
but I also think about their exercise numbers I will you know you can work people have don't cook it all but you can't have had more than one couple
Twitter therapy slang they they weren't having as much sexual contact and they said they always had it was Friday night churches that sexual activity one of the intervention was not the only one we talked about quality of sexual activity and all of that but
I asked whether they like to have a second sort of special night and we're back to the sushi they created Tuesday night Sushi and it was very effective at what really sucks is people like having their significant other makes a mermaid I think it can be a simple meal but whoever is
they need to pay attention not only to what they're going to eat but where and what is the environment
so again a couple that I work with at the gym you she was desire I got some details and I found out they had a backyard one of them set up a very elaborate when I say too much work but you know any of your creative thing to do it again
The Rock
you want to you want to encourage couples do I encourage any couples are listening or individuals that are like how can we get out of this routine to slow down like that cuz he said like slow down T-shirt shop look at your environment and say what do we already have here and we're can we make these special places and communicate about it think about it also that you know if you're not going to take your phone to bed during your intimate moment set it aside leave it in another room while you're having this simple sexually Neil yes definitely we're going to take a short break and then when we come back we're going to talk
oh okay maybe I'm not sure if you can take a short break
taking a short break today we're going to take questions from the audience about the sexiest of meals and what things we can to do to have more of it and what things we need to avoid if we're having a sexy male are you on vacation in Paradise vacation to rekindle the passion without the kids a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other in the game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation April Brown has created vacation counseling and Southwest Florida has a perfect option for you and your partner are Retreats are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner in
Preston the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and dr. April's other services of a monthly newsletter called intimate connection at dr. April braun.com remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you all are looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling and Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real guys don't forget to check us out on patreon it's b i b patreon if you're thinking about helping us and I'm so we can have some more wonderful guess so. De Villiers what is some things we've been talking about having this sexy males other things that we should avoid when making it sexy male and like myself I'm not all that good of a cook is that you have to be a great cook to do it and what would be not the right approach would be to pick a recipe that was sort of above your level do you know what I'm saying for the super complicated you want to keep things simple
you know what a simple for you and that's why I was surprised you for them can help each person be focused on settings day doesn't work on the other one doing doing the cooking or you know when we've mentioned Sushi although I have that in my book as a recipe I personally and I made it about three times in my life but I'm trying to think of
oh I know the word something like making guacamole even though most people buy it to do guacamole iPhone 6 +
you know what I like about your book and your entire styled after the Bellas you have researched based recipes and thought you had like a like as many as what four thousand people this is like a quantitative and qualitative response research great tips but I want the listeners to know that this is an 8-year booking process research base advice so bad they think that's great so it's really would you say it's also what works for them what would you say to a couple
it's what works for them
don't give me orders in bed mac and cheese with my style
well alright I just happened to be on this page because I was looking at the avocado so now I'm staring at a banana now the other fun thing was that in doing my surveys you know we mentioned that age was a factor well so was sexual orientation so it should not surprise people that bananas were more likely to be embraced as a sexy food by gay men actually might wonder if women who love giving fellatio also you'd bananas as sexy but in addition to the potential sex appeal of a banana
I want to remind you you know you can just walk down a banana but I wonder how many people have sucked a banana and really savored it it is possible to
slowly suck a banana and take it in I think that would be a very interesting thing for certain couples to try doing it has an interesting creative twist just got a question and the question is I'm and is questioning some Lisa and Lisa said that she is Benzino dating dating and she wants to spice up dating and she really wants to get serious about it so she's wondering is it okay to cook or to do with sexy meal on the first date
I would say no for the banana did they meet on Tinder
it's and this is coming from a woman a heterosexual women I'll be there is Lakeside or nonbinary I'm just bringing that up it's a little bit forward but on the other hand you know we don't know how much they talked for this sudden burst has happened and so I don't be saying that the way she could Broach this would be
hey I was thinking it might be nice and it would give us a chance to have quiet time together if you came to my place for dinner what do you think about that
come to my place is what he would hear for dinner
I mean as I think about safety 101 you know the classic thing to say to a woman you make it does fly a little bit in the wrong direction with regard to laugh but dating before I was in a relationship problem if we need a lot more
I have a question from Roofing in Virginia he wants to know if you could only plant three foods in your garden
which three would you plant but I need a ride at food like if you could really grow three foods in and you weren't I think that's what they meant
you know we are also wondering about space I'll tell you what flashed into my mind a mango tree
yes I love mangoes I'm in Southwest Florida you know how many different species of dogs with the most amazing man user simply amazing all I can say you don't want those nice tender to be able to say
I was using a sexual innuendo. Then there's a low-hanging one you can get right off the ground and you can pick it up and peel it it's luck it right
The Unforgiven wondering about herbs you know there's there's all sorts of spices that have reputation so spices mint has a reputation
oregano
and then something that we haven't mentioned before in general spicy foods have some sort of erotic Lorre related to them and and about these foods to over the long haul all of these Foods contribute to long-term sexual health because we're in for example when we talk about these spicy food I wonder how many people know that they are so they so help clear the blood vessels
that if you need to go in for surgery non-emergency your physician is likely to say to you please do not eat the following Foods a week before surgery I wonder if she knows it will be on the list cayenne pepper will be on the list all the things I will be on the list and it's all because they contribute their Blood Centers
wow I hope you understand over there we're not going in for emergency surgery then I guess would be wonderful food I have an expression clogged artery going to help clean those arteries is a long-term sexy food
which let's talk about the penis okay what in the reason is because there are certain ones that was we are supposed to help with that is it a vessel such as
muscle Sprouts I heard I never got to read your entire book mind you I just like that like a quart of Brussel sprouts do they help the I don't believe it's in my book
I don't think so so I can't speak to it but you're in no pun intended so that's a fallacy that brussel sprouts to help with that can shape yeah that could be however I have to tell you honestly I don't have I didn't look up brussel sprouts I certainly looked up what other food asparagus is a great one and that's also good for the penis that men should be eating
the classic is to say anything that has a lot of zinc in it get to know me but
yeah I want to put my money on on the asparagus and then the other food
that's so this is off the wall it's partly what inspired me to do since deep research because I've been just to say I either was using Journal articles or university press articles I was in Egypt the year before everything kind of exploded and on a Nile cruise and I've also met a woman who said well if you're doing research on aphrodisiac food you got to make sure you pay attention to the Temple of Karnak
one of the major Tunes I can't remember which one now and so here's this so it's the White Chapel at the Temple of Karnak so the Whitechapel has the Egyptian god men God of fertility
surrounded by these long skinny sings and he's also sporting an erection the long skinny things are romaine lettuce Romaine okay Ruthie if you're still listening plants and Romaine lettuce e x a new reason that Romaine was associated with potency infertility was that when you break a leaf it do you need it if you miss a little white milky substance now I ran off to the supermarket you are freshly growing Romaine in your own yard and you break the bottom of the lease
there is a milky substance just fine with or without you can get that picture you will notice that Romaine is rather like they own brother for her often good Romaine is pretty firm is it not
yeah we don't want limp romaine and and it's a lot more fun to revoke that image that it is well it's a dark leafy greens so you ought to eat it you know until it in as long as it's good that you mention are very healthy and I'm still stuck on you know sexy food not only improves your relationship but it improves your house
Absalom
that's to me that's the two birds with one stone trying to hook promise you no have a wonderful meal yes do something good for yourself in the end the process especially even in the sense of an inch of you work with older couples who sometimes they're struggling with their health and maybe I having sexual issues but he is a perfect example of how to help them like you said kill two birds with one stone Peta two birds with the same crumb
you know I'm going to bring up something to that I actually have in my lecture notes
turn on if I have to say it I can only guess what this couple did after I saw them but we were in Paris France it was a Saturday night and this was about two years before Notre Dame had its terrible fire I hope some of your listeners have been to Paris or certainly they seen pictures but obviously in front of Notre Dame you're going to see a bunch of people you know there's nothing and we were walking there are place was very near there and all of a sudden in the car we saw a couple all dressed in white with a white table and a white and two white chairs and they were having
wine and cheese
okay and I I do speak French compliments of the former spouse and I went over and talked to them they were married I saw the wedding rings they were probably a couple in their fifties possibly early so anyway give or take
and they said well we just thought it would be a fun thing to do and they have the audacity to be in a public place and set up the little table by the side and have their wine and cheeks and eyes I say to people but you know do we want to place bets on what happened when they went home and I would but what I found out was that cuz I thought it was so creative I found out that there's something called dinner in the white
and in France normally there's a lot of people and they're invited they have to pay money but they're to dress and white and then that usually where there's in front of the Eiffel Tower or wherever they're served what they had taken the creatively of taking that equipment and inner individuating it I also found out that in Los Angeles New York and certain other major cities dinner and white exist in the United States as well my point is that
doing something utterly unconventional is we're back to how created that was they were dialogue and I assure you there were no cell phones in sight
and they were doing their thing and do you know what the matter is is that a form of foreplay of corsets
what is Michael doing their own thing they were lost in the world just the two of them talked to them briefly but are they were not disturbed by that I think they were quite amused actually but I was just blown away by what I see on way by which you presented to us I'm definitely got to go get this book yes yes and just yeah use it here personally and professionally thank you so much thank you so much and I I do want to say that you know the little plug is my website which is just my name is yes that's where we're selling people is there any end
I was going to ask if I loved it to ya is there any other platform that people can connect with you on the brink of doing more things but at this time is the website thank you for asking and weather during the show or post Joe it's dr. Linda de Villiers and it's Linda d e b i l l e r s.com you can get the book there and thank you so much also we have upcoming shows on April 1st we have Mike could try putting humor back in healthcare Maryland vulgar on April 8th sexology 101 April's going to be booked & Van Til Michelle calling on April 15th love and money and Ansel intimacy and then April 22nd with lime Cayman Earth Day is for everyone on environment
and remember it with Nerds we are hosting Clubhouse on Friday every Friday at 7:30 a.m. eastern standard time and please follow us on social media and become apart of the bring intimacy back community
yes and definitely even follow us on Instagram Tik Tok Twitter you too and don't forget to join our exclusive on patreon where they're please support us and I'm don't forget on iTunes if you like what you see give us ratings we will really really do appreciate that. The Kelly it's been a pleasure and I'll just going to bring an intimacy back and we'll see you later thank you and thank you Doctor Villas