welcome to the bring intimacy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with yourself your significant other children Family Friends Community and your higher power this show is for you that we explore intimate topics inspiring life story spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April and her co-host dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create your host dr. April dr. Kelly-Ann intimacy show intimacy is real yes welcome for today guys and today we are going to be intimate yes yes and many of you guys like what is that about what is that about well. The Kelly
welcome to welcome again thank you it's good to be back on the bring intimacy back show on National flirting day National flirting day yes we've got floating intimacy yes I don't even know where to start I'll tell you what I heard on the radio this morning that it was National learning day and I thought well I'm going to at least try to flirt right or morning meeting I was like you're going to have to at least once today and I'll do it myself and guess what I went to a store and I was in line and it was a pretty long line and there was a lady in front of me and the lady behind me and a guy came by and gave us like a free coupon for something and so you know
what do they call that wasn't liquid courage but it was like okay I'm going to try this flirting and so I said to him today is National flirting day I'll have to tell my girlfriend yeah well I'm sure I'm sure that she would like to know what's National okay that didn't do so good in the lady in front of me and lay behind me started laughing and yeah I said yeah I had a different vision for
you know the right person that you can't flirt with you know Kelly do you know who you can really flirt with it was just that amazing got a lot of character and a lot of jazz and it's beautiful
you do not know that
it's your cell. The Kelly you don't know how you look in the mirror and say kind things to herself and if we go back and talk about intimacy that is one of the forms of intimacy intimacy means into me you see if you could look deep into dr. Kelly's eyes or wants to look in the mirror and look I'm like a god that can definitely turn someone on women do this as much as far as men do this as much as women but I know that most of our listeners are women summer men but predominantly women if we're just critical of ourselves and I was like oh boy you know and I have I have adapted to this hairstyle when I really like it but you just don't want to see the back of my head
we have to be kind to yourself into the office and I don't see anyone but a cameraman was coming here to do a talk on Edie. I'm so then it happened but I just actually sent that beautiful text her a person that I love to share their problem yes yes yes so that was my my flirt kind of thing they found an accident to be honest with you guys I do with offline it said something like God created heaven and earth and 6 days took a rest but it took thousands of years to call how beautiful is that yes yes yes yes today show is about intimacy and the reason why I wanted to talk
pacifically about intimacy is because you know it. The Kelly I don't know about you but every time I sometimes say intimacy people always think just sex sex sex sex sex is great I love sex but it's there's other forms of intimacy so I want to have a discussion with the audience about all the forms of intimacy and even have that place into sexual intimacy because it really is not all about sexual intimacy in fact if you can understand these other types of intimacy that we're going to go through today then it will maximize and magnify your sexual intimacy which many people say is really at the icing on the cake that didn't see does begin in so many other ways so like paper example aesthetic intimacy which is sharing experiences of beauty music nature art and theater and so that when you think about
if you're going to go on a date with somebody whether it's you know a partner a spouse somebody that you've just met think about what place you would want to be intimate and or enjoy like Casey look at that look at that you go to Lakeport we're here in Southwest Florida there's a beautiful Park here I went to Lakes Park Farmers Market and then I walked all the way around and I saw a nature and some other things that I hadn't seen in a long time because I had my nose in a book shooter and it was really really nice writing you write a but it's missing you do have to be present yeah and for some people some of us are some people and I can be one of those sometimes we're not actually present a mine is like thinking 50 million different things and so one of the first thing is being present
I'm one of the second thing also I think it's intimacy requires a heart
yeah but you have to have to feel you know
yeah yes I do and another specific area of intimacy is communication communication which means you have to be vulnerable
in in intimacy like the different types of Louisville and it is very vulnerable thing to tell someone they hurt your feelings tell friends that they hurt my feelings while back and I felt like it sounded so infantile and so like what do you mean like tell best friend that they hurt my feelings cuz I don't think that they intended to and it was affecting our relationship and they didn't know I was withdrawing and it felt that I wasn't as close to them but they hurt my feelings did not intend to but until I communicated it they had no clue as a result the Friendship went back to where it was but then it became a friendship so it's not just you know a sexual intimacy or somebody you're dating or you know you're married to or relating to its friendship
write a very important word being vulnerable and I'm much of many people understand that but that's like being open and even in like you're saying in the sense of communication recently but the other day I get my hair done and how many people go to barber shops and salons that kind of stuff anyway did my hairdresser and so of course that was innocent of poor communication and I realized sometimes people don't have the same time thing as I do but being open and saying hey you know I don't know if you realize that you know you've been running late and this causes me to run late in my other aspect you know find a way that we can meet in the middle
yes so that open communication is critical by not communicating it the person doesn't have an opportunity to rectify or correct this and then all the sudden they lose business or they lose their closeness of the relationship and they don't even know why because of the situation and just hate about your heart you really have to take responsibility and say I feel I need and not attacks and you you you you
yeah I don't I don't encourage starting a sentence with you it's especially if you're trying to resolve a conflict and that means facing and struggling with differences together to expect in a relationship doctor April and listeners that there's not going to be a conflict is just unrealistic and I remember when I was doing some premarital counseling out in Scranton Pennsylvania I had told this couple I said you know what I don't know I was young counselor so it sounded brilliant at the time but you should be grateful for that because you get to resolve conflict before you're married and you'll get to see how the other person handles the conflict and that is a form of intimacy
cuz you're going to have to definitely and I said the same thing to you also parents who have adolescents who, who may cause constant because it's really important and even parents in the Missy is another form later but when you understand how your kid deals with conflict and also another intimacy spices can you have a better understanding of preparing them for the real world
yes definitely in concert be said it's always going to happen because we're all different
I'm not a real big fan of grounding because it lets let's take for example and parental intimacy and you know how we handle conflicts with our children or when they do need to be disciplined some people just stay at your grounded for a week well what that does is it keeps you out with your child for a whole week they can't have a resolution the whole week is half the other ways that you can resolve a conflict or help them to resolve it without being a lie if they acted out in a certain place they okay you know you're not going to be able to go to this place for a while but sometimes grounding can keep you with an unresolved conflict and we want to resolve conflict as much as I like Ike and sometimes with conflict sometimes it happens inside a crisis or sometimes it happens outside of crisis
and crisis is another form of intimacy and that form of intimacy I honestly think when I'm working with couples and they're starting to date each other maybe it's been a year six months are a little bit longer with you
in the beginning tells a lot about how the relationships going to be on your clients this to that it's important that they go through the seasons for those it for premarital counseling that you do that you go through seasons did you see them with their family and how are you going to resolve the conflict are you just going to fire them are or are you going to the increase volume. What are you going to do how many steps do you take to resolve the conflict before you just cut somebody out of your life have you ever yourself dr. Kelly had to deal with crisis and intimacy yes I did actually with my oldest sister I I want a whole year without talking to my older sister
what was the crisis before him my mother passed away and it was regarding a horse of all things and we we did not agree on a certain situation of how this horse die horse was buried and it was just emotional and I had unresolved conflict after April with grief over loss of my mother and I handled it so poorly I handled it so poorly and I went an entire year after seeing very unkind thing and very few people really know this about me they don't know that I do struggle with anger at times I went a whole year without talking to my sister but yeah I went through that and it was a result of unresolved grief I did not go through with the all the stages of grief and it affected the other areas
intimate relationships in my life and a wow and I miss her when she was gone when she was supposed to fly back I said we need to extend your flight I haven't had enough time with you and that's an outright miracle that is that is that is and I hope that Miracle happens for a lot of us are in the prices of the coronavirus job loss many people have like you said I know you know which which is so sad and the sad thing specially when people pass away and I see it kind of tears up family
you know I know I know because it was hurting
and when you sometimes you're not able to communicate communication and send you know I'm hurting I need a moment but we just sometimes verbally
they things out because our heart is just overwhelmed sometimes after grief and after lost people begin to fight about things but it's not about the thing you have to look a little bit deeper it was not about the horse it was not about the horse it was about the loss that it was one last living thing that my mother left when did not realize you're my mother loved me while wait a minute she didn't love me more than the horse feel like they are fighting over things and it's not about the things we have to fly sometimes and say what do I really feel it's about the emotions it's emotional intimacy which is another form of intimacy it's where you're being able to feel emotionally connected you know like my partner actually
here's me my partner can actually stand him I will understand my world which is really really employed and like I said it actually goes back again to that high you know and sometimes when people break out hearts or we have an Unexpected death or something unexpected we feel that pain in that part and you feel like it's never ever ever going to heal
but talking about it riding about it communicating about it given a time that heart has healed
it's a vulnerable thing to share with somebody that they hurt you and that you're hurting I actually asked for prayer on my Facebook page today and I was having a real hard week and I just normally ask for prayer for other people I'm like prayer warriors unite I need some prayer for this person or this thing in this event and I actually asked for prayer for myself today and I don't know dr. April I've ever done that I'll ask us for prayer for other people so guess what that was flirting thing for you yeah you actually took care of yourself that was actually being gone them both that was really yeah that's amazing that that you did that but you looked out for dr. Kelly and dr. Kelly time that people you know I'm praying for you because you are very special person so definitely yes we have is we focus also
non-profit in Moonachie stood for the month of February is the American Heart Association we've been talkin just about intimacy the heart is there
helping thing interesting what's Lowe's and stuff and of course the heart is also pumping is what keeps us alive so I'm with you really thinking you know hey I don't know where to donate along now what's a big organization to try really trust me American Heart Association Association they do a lot of the community they do a lot of life-saving research and as me no heart disease takes too many people in this world and so if you're interested in it please visit WW2 heart.org and go to way to gift going to take a short break for when we come back we're going to finish talking more in depth about the types of intimacy and even what do you do when you lock it in your relationship and what do you do when you lock it in yourself will take a small break and we'll be back are you on vacation and Paradise vacation to rekindle the version
a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other in the game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation don't rainbow Brown has created vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida has a perfect option for you and your partner our Retreat are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and dr. April's other services we encourage you to sign up for receive a monthly newsletter called into my connections at dr. April braun.com remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you all are look
for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be your next vacation in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real will dr. Kelly and I've been sitting here talking about what is intimacy What's the 411 and as we've been describing intimacy is a connection or Bond you know that strong that that you actually get to see the other person and be vulnerable and be open and we will talk just talk to me to play about emotional intimacy how we got emotions and we get connected but sometimes people hurt our feelings and was leading right into forgiveness intimacy
yes I am by the way for those of you that are listening and you'd like to call in and ask him questions the number is 18886 to 76008 will be glad to and answer some questions that you may have or at least bring board off of that into a deeper level of Taxation I had to apologize I had to come to that point where I asked for forgiveness and then you know sometimes people will say I'm sorry but they won't say I was wrong or they want so if you just say I'm sorry that's not really going into forgiveness
I'm sorry I was wrong for this you know what you know you're a parent and so yeah it's always better when the child knows what they did that was wrong or you try to direct Form K I accept your apology what was it that you did wrong in a form of intimacy. Everybody's going to be at you sometimes relationships with your friends and sometimes her friends are a reason a season or a lifetime
they're all guess whether it's for a season or a certain reason that they come into the light and I'm sure that you have lifetime Son Well friendship intimacy and even its connection to was it forgetting this intimacy that sometimes we have some friends that strong pain and maybe we didn't even do anything and they heard us and now and it's hard when you're like you know what wait a minute I was nice I was doing this I was doing this and then you just come and you just hurt me
and for some of us it's like well maybe it's just walk away my life or whatever the case may be and you have to really forgiveness is really about yourself it's not so much about the other person but it's about yourself and when you're able to even if you feel like you didn't do anything wrong or you did do something wrong able to forgive that's such a relief you know and that even make a friendship much stronger
and that aspect hurt you though most people and I know he said that I think like three times now you know saying you hurt me you know I feel like it's best to say I feel hurt by your actions but that's the only way for things to get fix for that connection to actually become stronger and if you honestly cannot say it to the person sometimes it's good to even just write it out and y'all little Journal why do dogs slide it out to get the encouragement encouragement to say it or if need be if you need to send a letter be careful and letters and non-tax cuz sometimes soon genders don't sometimes. But you have a great point because I am not a fan of texting during conflict
information I mean I'm telling you I don't know if you know this about me but I'm not I am not a sarcastic sarcastic they're like and I'm like I'm not being sarcastic I will eat
so anyway yeah some people think your humor I don't think so but some may think your humor is sarcastic but you aren't you do have to and I didn't exactly laugh at yourself and you know that laughter is one of the best ways to relieve stress and anxiety
yes cuz you're using your facial that throws here you know your voice your lighting at are you laughing and for some people and it you know you can last in your belly
sometimes I ask people like when I'm getting to know them I say what what made you laugh out loud and then
and then I'll ask him who made you laugh out loud because that is a form of intimacy people that know you well enough to get you to laugh that's at that is definitely a form of energy is there somebody that you just
Chris Rock make me laugh a little guy that I can't think of his name in the moment I'll think of it he makes me laugh but I stink also if I didn't have medians or shows that make me laugh and have been really tough to get through this year
Kevin Hart Kevin Hart that's why I Kevin Hart yes oh yes exactly
yeah my sister Becky is a police officer and he has done for 18 years and getting ready and she will watch like Price is Right or you know something with you when she'll watch those shows that have the kids and I never really understood it at first I was like you know a price is right and I was there for three months while working on some dissertation research
yeah it connects people I can ask people when we can all laugh together me and other words you're sharing his face and you actually present as we said earlier and you're laughing with a lot of joy
so you have your go to shows that help you decompress yes yes yes it is about families were they like I like Modern Family different shows that just let people laugh at themselves and stop and sometimes Beyond The Laughing myself so we went biking and aesthetic scenery and stop looking at birds and all that kind of stuff instead of course if I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing over the trees I felt wise and fell over the little Breads and stuff bushmeat that was just so funny because it's me
yeah you got to laugh at yourself you really do you really do if you do not laugh at yourself and just keep things a little bit light-hearted it would just be one more thing that's name is well and we don't need that and certainly to laugh at yourself in for me personal intimacy are you able to do that yes yes and I was fine laughing until these little boys came by and they're like oh we think we see snakes hear other was doing golf gay and she was nervous cuz it was a boy
Rachel buy up all those men only one man came up to her and he was the oldest man and you know he's like are you okay wow what a heroic men this one man the oldest of them all with the most compassionate and but she was so embarrassed and she wasn't laughing at you laughing about it also in the form of intimacy is being very creative
sharing on different creative projects is a great form of intimacy that I don't know if you've done but I know many people the beginning of the year did the vision boards
where they were using in my Visions for. If you're out there listening like what is that ask her if that vision board is first thing either I'm talking with you and his Spirit praying I just grounding yourself to figure out what do I want in my future and then it's kind of visualizing and in your mind think finding a form of a medium whether it's paper cardboard your computer laptop and starting to put pictures on there and phrases because there's a theory called The Law of Attraction what you see out there but you put out there it's more likely that the atmosphere would give it back to you so creating vision board with this whole long thing is one form of creed of intimacy you know it's doing something creative with a friend a partner your children whether it's drawing whether it. You do a lot of creative things so
what is something creative things you do I did my pie I did Mod Podge my napkins and you pull them apart and actually I'm going to show you because I can well well this actually is a Mod Podge table wow see how it has eggs on it yeah I did not make this but my best friend actually did make that with napkins took an older wooden table painted it and then she put took one side of the napkin and then put my pot blew and then I hope you can see my face again
do the light a little bit but anyway I'll get that later and she made that so you could do those or just by yourself for a therapist that was amazing and I made friends there and we're there and were created so isn't that great right right and I think specially when you're as a couple and maybe you're struggling you're like oh my gosh I don't know how to connect with my partner and the course there's the stress of you no intimacy but intimacy doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stress so much about the physical part what if you were to
work on creating something when you and your partner create something that's the way of connecting just how you create you know children as we talked about but also creating paintings creating I'm doing house project together just doing something creative options next year another form of creation of intimacy that helps people recall service intimacy which means of course doing volunteer work together helping out the community whether it's helping out your church whether it's helping an elderly person down the street you know I'm getting groceries for one of your relatives that's really all so you know I wait for him
yes I had a friend go to church with me and after church they were feeling bad for the hurricane glass Ricky and they were trying to build bags to send it send to Haiti
and so after church then we did that we helped build some of the race bags and little cell phone in my office so yeah because I'm not doing this for my bed I promise ya you may have to move your life just a little bit just to serve you like you said it doesn't look like you're writing but you see how you wanted to see my face
it impact our conversation just updated it because you couldn't see my face and so that's another thing with intimacy to to let people see her face and sometimes when we look lighter eyes or we won't let them see her face
hiding from somebody because you don't want them to see if you hurt me but I felt hurt when this walk you know I felt hurt you and me time to let you know in marriage counseling people will sometimes if they do have a game they will they will withdraw and they won't they won't look at the person who don't get silent
you know it's a way to punish somebody that will hide her eyes or we will either and so I doing through people use your words and communicate with sentences that start with i and yes I'm from a piercing
point of view and there is greater in a few seconds in a few moments but the heart and the soul of a person you can really tell by seeing their face
you know you can you can yes and so when people hide their face for the other person they can really understand the whole story
but I I know that sometimes people hide their faces they're in pain or they're in fear of letting other people know that they're in pain but in reality the one thing that 2020-2021 is that we're all in this together
you know there's not
no one in the world who hasn't been affected by what's happening of this pandemic
the isolation that confusion de chaos the fear that loneliness
so I believe everyone in this world has had some pain because of this so don't be afraid to show your face that's a spiritual intimacy with you know whether it's a spirit like for me it's not in Jesus but you know what that spiritual intimacy will affect our accountant so you can tell anybody that knows me they know if I'm not doing well because my entire account in it and if it's not a happy one. Strickland said that he lifts up Alyssa barrhead he's a keeper of Our Own
and so sometimes if you notice that somebody is either you can just as a friend
yeah and I agree with you I think even for myself when my intimacy with my icon God God is Not There
that confidence isn't there because in reality I try to do his will
so when the intimacy is there remember intimacy spell connection you know and so when we're connected and I don't like he's stalking me on talking to him and now I'm doing what he text me to do like right now I know I'm supposed to be right here at this moment then I have confidence but I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and there's no doubt that I need to be anywhere else because this is where I should should be
and in our spiritual relationship that involves communication and then that's where the priests Avenue but nonetheless and that means that we are still
we are still in that would listen for the right definitely yes use action in the form of intimacy
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Welcome back to the bandits mystery show where intimacy is real so we've been talking about intimacy and I was going to go into about Ashton and one form of acting as recreational which beans actually going and playing and joint and having fun and so that it's really really important when you're with friends when you're with your your significant other and actually when we talked about this showing in later shows sexual and physical intimacy this is what we're talking about the recreational laying together using body motions and stuff to get to connect
exercise you actually do burn calories right yes you do therapists calories when you do when you have sex also it's a great sense of release and it's a natural form and it's something that was created for our bodies to to Really yes another great form of intimacy that talk to Kelly that you and I care is that work and intellectual intimacy you know that yes I do it's Monday experience the closeness of sharing ideas and even through 10th season to be a part of that. New part of something that you've already had for a decade and to brainstorm and then look at the strength of the Year past shows and say hey
dream about that future of course it's it's a little intimidating
technology is like I mean they may be created like a thousand new app last night for all I know but the but being able to share the vision for what you have for the bring intimacy back show be able to just create and be inspired and share his ideas say let's try this and what do you think of that it's really fun yes and share with your until like I'm cuz you're very good at humor Connecting People culture diversity has one of her strong Forte and so and also just being able to do things randomly and it's very good in the sense of the connection of that story yes the Doctor Cary do we have any questions for the audience about all these different forms of intimacy that we just talked about I had one that came in from Illinois Amy from Illinois
and she hurt her teenage daughters feeling feelings and she doesn't know how to resolve the conflict she just doesn't know where to begin she hurt her daughter's feelings and she said how can I have more intimacy with my daughter when I heard her and it's okay I mean all of us are going to hurt people's feelings but then things that you need to think of first is being accountable and staying out I'm sorry Mom mom made a mistake I didn't hear you I didn't understand exactly what you were going through and I apologize let's talk about this for some times when moms and daughters can I talk and it become so emotional I'm one of the things that I suggested I used it at some point when my daughter
interpreting the teenage years was having channel that went back and forth you would talk about her feelings and write it down that I would respond to that and talk about my feelings and we were able to think about what we said first before you write it down but able to connect in a way that was so I think with much stronger now because we were able to understand each other's world so if you hurt your child feeling even if you're 65 years old and you know when your child's 35 it's okay to say call them up in to say hey I'm sorry I did not understand such and such
to humble yourself and say I'm sorry I'm not a perfect parents and then hope they don't latch on to that and say yeah you're not and allow them to say that if that's what they want to say we don't write scripts for our children and honestly like looking like you know if she wrote a book I don't know it was in the early late 90s I think it was called 10 x 10 time bombs for raising teenage children and if you're still listening to maybe check out that book another question and this is from Lynn no State mentioned but when I said that they used to be really close to their friends at work but now since covid-19
from home and they feel completely disconnected from their work their work spouse work friend and that can truly happened cuz you're not by the Water chords anymore but you're not passing each other checking out sometime maybe it's okay to even just have a meeting without an agenda just take a nap set up a zoom set up a zoom yeah that's a great idea Lynn we would recommend that you take some time and maybe schedule or a WhatsApp and then reach out to your friend and say you know is if they're walking into your office cuz sometimes I would have people come walking by my office and then they come in and say hey how are you
so it doesn't have to be an agenda that's great advice that I can just be a gathering and sometimes even people have done it where they found should meals together when is your family my family share a meal together 6 Return the zoom it's Taco Tuesday and we all yeah and so I get to know about all the people you've talked about you know do you know five years of working together with you and you get to see my dad and my cat and all that kind of stuff so yeah I mean Hello my new my new bird you're seeing the background in my office bookshelves you get the isn't it funny though isn't it summer backgrounds that people have in their videos
yes yes it is, I love this topic and I know that but what is this bringing intimacy back like what what are you talking about and so today really gave a broad overview of different types of intimacy it's not just sexual intimacy in fact that it's pregnant and it certainly can be strengthened through yes and actually just shows about which this question actually is coming from Allison definitely do and I'm going to need a question but this is what the show is really about she said she's been married for 10 years they have three kids and for some reason she doesn't feel connected
how what if I what suggestions or tips can we give her
that message Mike there is what the show is about intimacy. For couples of people who have lost
yeah I mean I would encourage her Allison the the thing that I would encourage you to do is go back to the thing that Drew you to your husband to begin with the things that Drew us to that person that we love and then the busyness can kind of keep sweeping us to different parts of the world that you've ever been to the fair and they have this I don't know what they call it but you stand there and then they start the ride and it starts to go in a circle and then the floor drops out and the the momentum keeps you back so you look down and there's no floor cuz everything from the center is push that and that's what happens in the business of Our Lives you can be there and start this life together with your husband with your with your partner in the busyness of life throws everything that's important seemingly to the other side in the floor is dropping out and I encourage you to just stop the ride get off
hold one another's hand and reconnect that's what I would recommend
awesome yes and so as we are finishing this up and talking about the shows coming up we have I'm coming up next week on February 25th Sherry Gaba and she's going to talk about love addiction and smart and then on March 4th we have time to people who are coming in to talk about music and its miss a which is the form of and then after that we have Pamela or hey be coming and she's talking about how to be a safe haven and conversation about intimacy kind of a more spiritual type intimacy W bring intimacy back. Mom or follow us on YouTube Facebook iTunes Spotify Google podcast
and like and share please like this has been truly and intimate moment yes in my heart today yes that we were able to be on open thoughts and ideas about intimacy and for all everyone who else is out there listening please follow up but also besides listening and speaking in what we are saying I'm going to challenge you to go and be intimate with someone so you know I went through all the types of intimacy choose one of those and just go and do it and see how you feel about it connect with us on social media and let us know how it goes
yeah let us know give us some feedback on how some of the tips may have influenced your life and impacted your relationship has been a bringing it's Missy back so we'll see you guys next week