Bringing Intimacy Back, April 15, 2021

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr April Brown and Dr Kelly
  
  
Show Headline: 
Bringing Intimacy Back
Show Sub Headline: 
with Dr. April Brown and Dr. Kelly Bushey with guest Michele Edwards-Collie

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr. April Brown and Dr. Kelly Bushey with guest Michele Edwards-Collie 

Guest, Michele Edwards-Collie

Guest Name: 
Michele Edwards-Collie
Guest Occupation: 
Community Development Banker
Guest Biography: 
Michele has over 30 years of banking experience to her current position at City National Bank. Previously, she’s worked with companies such as HomeBanc Mortgage, Countrywide Home Loans, and Bank United. She is a Certified Financial Coach and has been trained through “Train the Trainer” for FDIC’s Money Smart Financial Education Program. She also recently became a certified credit counselor. During her years of helping over 1000 families achieving the dream of home ownership, she has the experience it takes to understand the various loan and community programs.
 
Michele has presented at business conferences, organizational retreats, women’s conferences, church functions, and other conventions in various capacities. She is often asked to facilitate education workshops on budgeting, credit rebuilding, and financial literacy. She is active with various community service organizations including the Broward Housing Task Force, Miami Dade Economic Advocacy Trust (MDEAT) Housing Advocacy Committee, and Housing Foundation of America. She currently serves as the President of the Foundation for Youth and Economic Development. Previously, she served on the Advisory Board of Catalyst Miami, the Prosperity Campaign of Miami Dade County and the Board for the National Association of Real Estate Brokers (NAREB). Michele is also a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc., a public service sorority.

Bringing Intimacy Back

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr April Brown and Dr Kelly
Show Host: 
Dr April Brown

As we look around in this world today, it seems we are becoming more disconnected from one another, even though we have the technology to connect to more and more people than ever before. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy (in its many forms) is one of the top three reasons why relationships struggle and many times end.

Thus the Bringing Intimacy Back talk show is a show dedicated to inspire, enlighten, and encourage intimate connections. This show provides an engaging atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to enhance intimacy in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. The show will discuss intimate connections in many different forms, such as sex, communication, emotional, physical, health, and spiritual. In fact, research has shown that as we increase our intimate connection with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.  It will help decrease the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives.

THE MISSION

Increasing intimacy for all has become Dr. April’s mission. The mission statement of the show is to provide an atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to increase closeness in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. Therefore, Dr. April started in February 2018 to host her own new Radio/TV Show Bringing Intimacy Back where she and other intimacy experts will provide resources and tips on increasing intimacy in all types of relationships. Audience members will be able to transform their relationships through relationship experts’ insights, useful and practical resources, role-playing, and audience participation. The show’s goal is to show its audience members that intimacy can be alive and real in the relationships we desired.

Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
Thursday
Starts: 
12:00 pm PT
Ends: 
12:55 pm PT
Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate): 

welcome to the bring intimacy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connect with yourself your significant other children and family friends community and you are higher power this show is for you. We explore intimate topics inspiring life story spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationship this show is hosted by dr. April and her co-host dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April Angel host dr. Kelly-Ann intimacy back show where intimacy is real welcome back. To Kelly how are you doing I'm doing much better this week I was drunk with the Cove in and let me tell you it is a real thing and today is the best day that I've felt in a long time thank you
sending me fruits and vegetables and you know it was praying and praying for you and hope you feeling better so I'm glad that that you do and the funny thing is you like yeah I'm eating vegetables but then you're like oh my gosh you got all these vegetables I don't have any fruits vegetables I felt rich and I do so I'm really looking forward to who is in control my finances and needs to be in control of my future I'm just and providentially to I read a little bit about our guest and and I'm looking forward to seeing what she has to say about finances and helping prepare for that future yeah.
we are also doing what we call patreon so if you really out there and you really like her show please describe the patreon patreon / VIP messages $5 a month you're going to get some background stories and intimacy tips and extra videos on just to help boost on the show because we're really here trying to provide one and quality experts in the field of intimacy and all the feels like for all of the post-show tips because we talked about so even post and we're like wow what and we dealt a little deeper and you have two doctors that go delve deeper and then offer advice to you and I don't know that's weird for everything so I think it's pretty good I'm glad that we're keeping it really affordable so that many people can have access to this yes definitely
we want people to not overextend their budget which is what we're going to talk about today yes yes I'm so gladly and she gives a very important person that's been and my life personally professionally known her ever since we were young college students and her name is Michelle Michelle thank you so much doctor April and dr. Kelly and I'm so sorry to hear that you've been battling Ovid
I whip yet I said a thing as she helps people get into homes especially a first time buyer and this is kind of like we all had Ministry this is her Ministry has a non-profit Ministry and Florida and he is present 25 years and the Creole Banking and working for mortgage things from Home Bank mortgage Countrywide Home Loans B&B T just a variety of different things which is wonderful and she also has a very spiritual background and she does a lot also not only with that but you know Michelle is also Community person so she's out there in the community which he lives down in Broward and working but Broward housing tax for Miami-Dade economic advisory the global economic development the housing Foundation a variety of different thing and she's also
number of a wonderful sorority Delta Sigma Theta it's just a public service sorority so she has a passion for helping a homeowners and she not only works with the homeowners but also you know we talked about financial intimacy we're talking about you people coming together trying to decide and I buy a home can I afford that Michelle helps with all that helps them with budgeting you know to say and having a spiritual blessing and stuff she's married and has three children and lives in Sunrise Florida so thank you so much. Thank you so much for that beautiful introduction I'm like oh my gosh I do all of that when do I have time but yes that is that is that is the history and I am begging for 30 years alike and how I'm thinking yeah you're right I mean I'm just I just turned like 30 right exactly yes I do have that experience and
and if this is a calling for me to be able to help people to move from from poverty to Prosperity that's the that's the key in what I do everyday weather be home ownership or budgeting I do 101 budgeting for families and couples you'd be surprised how many couples do they say one of the number one reason for divorce is lack of finances so I'm definitely talk about that today I'm here for whatever questions you have and let's see how we can bring some energy back in the Missy back especially this place your finances awesome highlight not pumping and you have what the King's Daughter yes the King's Daughter is my nonprofit us about that we talked with a chop saw a lot of times in partnership with other nonprofit on we talked about credit repair we talked about creating spending plans I do financial literacy Workshop
relates to everything even businesses how do you actually set up a business how do you are you are you supposed to be an LLC or supposed to be a sole proprietor you know if you're selling Goods you need to be accepting sales tax and do people even do that so a lot of people get in trouble with that so we know we talked about personal finance business finance and help people to be able to work on their credit is a big thing that we do one on one credit counseling and Tobago increase their credit score so the king's daughter has actually been around for like 10 years now, but I'm yeah but I'm just getting more and more involved with that because I know that that's part of what God wants me to do so I'm I'm just trying to be a pedia to what he said to do Amen to that and where can I find information on the King's Daughter so we're on Facebook at the King's Daughter and then on Instagram is the King's Daughter underscore shells e h e l e
is Szechuan and Company
you know they are I'm trying to figure out if I should let semen start with the first part of just a credit score I have people who are dating and thinking about starting a relationship is that important to talk with your partner about your credit score good question so I'm not sure if you want to talk about on the first date but that made one of your going to run away but I do think that having a discussion about about credit and how you view credit how you view having liabilities and credit cards at some point during the during the dating site is important right because if I'm a spender and your saver we're going to constantly Clash about that and I do not recommend that couples
deleting have joint bank accounts and you know do everything together jointly and they start the camera angle things I don't necessarily recommend. But you do need to understand your partners debt bilities do they have to pay child support and as it relates to their credit are there you know their bankruptcy that they've had in the past that doesn't make them a bad person from that and that just you know but are they are safer or spend or maybe as favor which is like you said and stay with the same time right this baby is baby at the same time so I think that's you know what some people and some people are more Sabres they're just not going to spend money so that you know are they not even spending money on essential item but you know can we need a new friend the fridge keeps breaking every week like you've got to be able to say yes we're going to go ahead and get that fridge so I don't think that
money conversation should come even after engagement I think that it should come prior to that I don't know there's a there's not a magic number like three months into a relationship you start talking about my butt just pay attention to what you're doing right so you know if you're dating someone for the gentleman out there and every time a new purse comes out you know she's at the mall buying on you see how much is this you know you can't be in control of her money but just have an idea if that's the focus you know for that woman like you can afford it yes but if it's the same time you also see her not answering her phone you don't owe you no not answering it for one reason or another
because at the end of the day you know that could be bill collectors that she's avoiding right so you want to you want to have an idea on what's going on I'm not asking what the bank accounts because that's somebody's personal personal information but you know you need to be able to have an idea of what how they spend their money and just watch habits
what happened when you were talking about like you might not want to ask some questions on a first date so I can certainly understand that and how we were to question also cuz I started to chuckle to myself if I were going to ask somebody would knowing the power of words and how some people can skirt away from certain subjects would I ask have you been bankrupt or how many times have you been drinking
but are you are you certainly don't want to ask some questions you want to build a rapport in relationships and I guess even then would you say Michelle that you get to see how they spend their money even with that first date I think that's important but at the same time some people take how that person has been chosen an expensive restaurant to take you too and they do they're just you know the card comes down and you see the credit card you know maybe it's not a debit card I would pay attention to things like that are they using a credit card for school around the state and they make to use that I have a boss that you know he use the credit card for everything because he got Delta miles was a Delta Airlines credit card and so he use it for everything even though he had money in his checking account because he wanted the miles to be able to travel but just pay attention and then possibly you know ask question so you don't want someone to charge
that's that dinner and now they're paying interest on that dinner that dinner is now costing them a lot more than the $50 or $60 for that meal I don't know where you guys go out to dinner but I'm just saying for two people you're going to average that's at least $50 so now if they using their debit card then you know it had at least they got $50 in their car
that's a whole nother conversation
I am glad to rest but have a great Quest forget about everything else I'm old school and Dad 98 exact thing you to pay a bill if it's my husband's birthday I mean most of the time my husband pays when we go out right but if it's my husband's birthday yeah I'm going to pay because if it's a first date in the man is a woman out and they want to go. I hope you expect to put your car down Michelle how do you define intimacy
oh my gosh I Define intimacy as oh gosh
being able to touch my heart without touching you
I thought and I haven't heard that one before
without touching me so how do you speak to me what our conversations like are you intellectually stimulating me you know we agreed on issues they say opposites attract but I don't know Opposites Attract and they're supposed to stay together I had a friend of mine told me that years ago and I just thought wow that's profound right if you think Opposites Attract but that if you have so many things that are not in common are you going to say you know I don't like that I like to vacation in the Caribbean and you want to go to Alaska you know on a ski trip so when it comes to intimacy is it starts with my brain as far as intellectually stimulating me can we have a conversation about current events you know a husband of the CNN Bob I grew up with the newspaper every single morning since I was 4 years old so
you know the newspaper got delivered and I would read I'm a nerd so if we can have conversations about current events that would be a problem right so but not only that like what what do you like to do on your free time you know not just getting straight to cuz sex is not intimacy with everything that happens before you get to be so before you even touch me I am I stimulated that's what intimacy is to me thinking about getting married many times couples acts do I put all my money together on bank account separate bank account how does this
work what the hair look in here so that's a very common question when I do couples coaching coaching even as it relates to their credit to write continue get a credit card if you have sent you don't keep your own credit separate of course of the mortgage I highly recommended for people be on the mortgage because God forbid something happens to the other person that's a whole nother conversation if you want to make sure you're on the mortgage and can talk to the mortgage company but back to the question at hand I'm engaged and we need to have a discussion at the beginning of that point even when times were going to pastoral counseling the pastor or the the minister that's given you counseling should ask those questions as it relates to finances or there are some ministers that will refer if they see that there's major Financial discussion or discrepancies that's when they refer someone like me that has the financial background
personally I believe there should be a wife account a husband account and a joint account the joint account pays the bills and pay certain expenses the wife has her money to buy cuz I shouldn't if I want to buy you a birthday gift it shouldn't come out of that joint account where now you already know what I bought for you right but I do believe that he should have his own money that he wants to do you know certain things with and I should have my own money and then a joint account but I can tell you that that does not always work for everyone because some people going to the joint account and start using it for other expenses I also believe that a baseline of we need to have a discussion if more than x amount is going to be spent right just go out and buy a Louis Vuitton purse for $2,000 and not have a discussion with my husband no matter how much I have in my own personal account or he has in his personal account
yeah it needs to go with a person's income so if you're a dumb
and it all depends on the expenses to write so if you're in a lot of debt and I'm not that based on used to be smaller cuz that means we need to discuss what you're spending the money on because you're not spend that money on reducing out that not if you're in a very good financial situation and there is there's very minimal debt except for your mortgage and maybe leases or a car loan debt that I would say you know anything over $100 if you're going to spend more than a hundred some people kind of open up your eyes when I say that cuz they're like what you know but if I want to go buy a $300 purse I do if I want it I can tell that you can tell I like that when you get example but if I want to go by you know such and such I got to talk to him first thing you should talk to him because then you don't have to hide the stuff in the trunk you know when you come home so that he doesn't see him and then you can't have things it'll come in the house for the lights are getting cut off and me that's that's ridiculous so we have to
I have those kind of conversations and if you set that bass line that both of you are on the same page for some people when I look at their budgets that bass line might be $50 or even you know if I'm going to spend more than 50 we got to talk about if I'm going up to buy in everybody has different things right like some people for the guys as technology my husband is a huge cigar he loves cigars so you know there's some cigars that are like 40 bucks the cigar you kidding me you should not be smoking $40 anywhere like a hundred bucks for one cigar you kidding me he didn't buy it but I was flipping through looking at it and I'm thinking wow so we got to have a conversation about you know what the priority for him like it is fancy cigar with a priority for me and might be not a fancy cigar right so you got to be on the same page when it comes to that but only that couple can set that bass line based on their their expenses and Bear
that's what's extrapolate this a little bit let's say you're a couple similar to yourself and you would you would spend otherwise on a $2,000 on it first and you have somebody would have a $20 cigar right he may think hey that's to your purse is 200 cigar
white so how can couples find balance between their financial habits I think that's really yeah I'm basically what you're saying is when couples are sometimes on a different page yeah like that so let's go on different pages we're going to get that advice right with me tickets come out commercial break and we will be back in a few moments are you and take a vacation and Paradise vacation to rekindle the passion without the kids a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation and Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner
are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation in counseling and doctor referrals other services we encourage you to sign up to receive a monthly newsletter called into my connection at dr. April brown.com remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you all are looking for a retreat to connect vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so dr. Kelly was just asking Michelle what if these couples or what if a couple is on different page one thinks you know hey I want to spend money on this one wants to spend money on that she'll be like yeah what do you do
let me see what do you do I think that it's important to get a mediation get somebody in the middle just like you're the commercial said maybe you take some vacation time but not all
problems can be solved not all of the issues can be solved just for two of you talking about it because until you get to a point where you're negotiating his marriage relationships are all negotiation right you have to give a little and take a little when one the way that they get out of balance is one one person taking more than the other or when one person views their point of view as more important or their expense and expenditure is more important than the other person's right so if I just as you mentioned that cigar vs. my purse his cigar is less expensive but at the same time here's my purse and I'm thinking what you're going to smoke that cigar in an hour I'm going to carry my purse for I'm going to have you know the next 2-3 years so I'm getting more long time to use out of my purse but he might say what it takes me two hundred days even smoke 200 cigars which is your
so it's equivalent but you do have to come to a point where and maybe you can do maybe I can buy the person he can buy the cigar if we're in a good financial situation I'm a huge follower of Dave Ramsey and Dave Ramsey says that you have to live like no one else so that you can live like no one else and what that means is that sometimes we might have to make a little bit of sacrifices so that one day we can live a completely different life right so my husband I went through that we lived with me know without cable without this very menial expensive at the time when the market crashed with me I've been in the mortgage business for so many years that when the market crashed our expense money totally weird I had no income coming in so we completely change your spending habits and I guess what we just continue that to even though my my income has increased and it has ink
increase we still basically live on one person's income and so that way we were able to save what nots Paving and if we determine what he was going to save for what I'm going to say for so he basically saved for vacation but that means that if I say to him hey the kids and I have decided we're going to go on vacation and that means you give me the money for that vacation right so then you still have to know how much is in each other's account so it can't be this mystery like I don't even know how much money he has in there you know and you let you even though I meant when I mentioned those three accounts even the one that's for him by himself you should be on there because God forbid something happens to him and I'm not talking about that I'm just talking about he gets in incapacity gets in a car accident no worries it's cold and he's in the hospital are you going to access those funds if you're not on the account or vice versa I'm in the hospital and he now needs to ask if they come out with my direct deposit goes into if he's not on there if he doesn't have an ATM card how is he going to
National counselors we hear a lot about couples and how they handle their money in don't handle it or Miss handle it I have a question for you I have often had couples come in and one of the driving issues is that they have separate accounts
is this like your response from
faith-based woman as the spiritual woman that you are I want you to give that response
let no man cometh under right so nothing should come between you and your spouse so there is supposed to be a joint account and
but maybe the reason you have to come to the bottom line reason was their joint accounts before I think you've got to ask more questions dr. Kelly I understand that they start out with joint accounts and maybe she used to overdraw the account all the time or he used to use fondant not tell her and then it was time to pay a bill the money wasn't there or did they just started from the beginning and maybe they and it you don't things come from their past right so maybe they are their parents at the border towns they don't understand why they the courthouse but they're not going to put their finances together they want everything separate it almost need you to go into this marriage with we're separate but equal if that I am using it in these terms but from a Biblical point of view we should be cleaving from the others and joining with our spouse so we should really be having that joint account financial advisor
frequently and maybe. Grateful you've seen this as well that it's that somebody is coming into this relationship or this marriage and it's not their first marriage so they had a poor situation is financially but how to handle funds were handled in their first one and they're like never again so what what do you think of that relationship with right if they have a suitcase correct with the lack of trust and the like a fucking Blade the financing I have a good friend that's going through a very bad divorce right now and I'm sure she called she sent me a text and called me yesterday and said please say a prayer for me because he just took a large sums of money out of our joint account and I said you know I'm going to pray but you just need that you can't worry about it so I can see her being somebody who
because that was the money that what she's been putting in to pay the mortgage and teach the kids in her on to meet that roof right so I said to her I could see her being somebody when she needs somebody else and they start to get that she would be like I'm not doing it so as a counselor is another Financial coach I've got to understand why it's like that so I'm coming right now and they keep everything separate but we started talking about that she didn't really know all the best that he had and he didn't really know all the best if she had they both do they have car payments but they didn't really know all the other things going on he pays the more she pays her car payment and other credit card she has he thought it was like two cards so they kind of started talking about I was talking to them and he was like you have that many cards you know what you doing with your money cuz I'm paying the mortgage and I was like oh okay I see where we're going with this so I think that
I'm a financial counselor one of you you've got to get to that trust and understand that it may not be bad if they have separate account if there's a reason for it or just understanding that who's paying what you don't want to have animosity towards somebody else because you're the one carrying the all the financial work either and I have seen couples where one person deals with all the finances you know he's good at that and so I don't really care I'm just going to let him or her deal with it and they don't get involved
I see that all the time I don't necessarily agree with that because I I think that you do need to know what's going on because if something happens that person you don't even know what bills should I say where is that in from I always think about the what-if and my husband says you know do you go you go to like Quincy from here I'm like yeah but I've seen it happen I've seen I've seen widows come in and they're like you know he just dropped it from a heart attack I don't even know so I'm going over there Bank stay with them if they know you pay FPL looks like he also paid this it looks like you also but I was a branch manager you know they would come in and they literally didn't even know the account number they didn't know any information or vice versa sometimes it's the woman that controls all the fun and then the husband he's just like hey you do whatever you want to do you know how you know and then you get into the whole thing of a breadwinner to write who makes more than the other person and that there is the bread
yes and when can you talk about finances
so I think that I lost all my gosh it all depends on how much that you have sometimes it could be daily I mean there was a point in our lives when we have to have daily conversations about money we have to figure out you know we were juggling so many bills and trying to figure out okay so we're going to pay this going to say that I believe in having money needy right so you should have you know whether it's when I mean I know what my husband's paydays are more than he does because I know I have it in my phone so I know exactly what he's going to say and he probably but he's like oh I was just get paid today but you can you need to have money meme so you're saying hey what are we paying from this but this paycheck or what are we going to be paying bad or especially if you have a big expense coming up like you know
we don't believe my husband I don't really have those kind of big expensive but I do know people that lets say they have you know we have like my daughter sweet 16 a few years ago when we were having that coming up we work on me having more meetings because it was we set a budget for it and then I kind of want a little bit of work and so I went over the body does budget and he was like how you plan on paying for that that that that I'm like what we have to have a photobooth we have to have a business we have everything was what we had that and so he was just like you but we had to have a budget that we said we said we weren't going to spend more than this and you weigh over I'm like well look what we supposed to get this money, like I could do a loan against my 401k maybe I could either do you know better than that you know so then I was like put in my mind it with my baby girl I would ever had to have you know the best of the best of the best right you know so and then we still kind of wish we were able to pull it together and I figure out ways to cut haircut there
but it's just that if you have you do have something big coming up and people have those you know you can say you have you know wedding you know coming up not. Your wedding but maybe one of us one of your children or 20th wedding anniversary you talk about it so that you could come up with how much that expense is going to be and hopefully get your 21 and Evers you've already figured out how to get this sucks money money I would guess hopefully yeah and you actually brought a piece of fries
yeah for me that sweet sixteen was very emotional you know I have one so I was kind of I realized looking back that I was living to my daughter like the emotional Navy know it's hosted by Jack and you're like oh my God I really yeah and what do you do at the park next to address those
well if you like my husband is like now we're not doing that any society puts if you want to but I'm telling you that's going to be a problem for us if you like him that's what you do but if you like me you like well do we really want to spend that much right now you know what expenses do we have coming up I mean we bought her a car so it was you do she had Yeah Yeahs on the part was also an expense that was going to help me because she went to a magnet school and so she was able now to drive to school versus me you don't get it up at 5 in the morning and dropping it was it was saving me time and in helping me out so I think those are discussions that we have to we have to have two financial management especially with a couple is the stuff that you're not this is where you're not going to discuss it let me just bring this up right now you are not discuss the finances Main in bed okay
I'll be going to bed
all of a sudden you're laying there and you say oh you know what we're behind on the electricity bill that is not the time so many people that's what ends up happening because you're so busy during the day and that's the only time that that couple and you also not going to have that money management meeting without the person the other person understanding that it is a money management meeting so I think I'm coming down with you to talk about something else and all of a sudden your life attacking me for the money I'm spending and that's why I take it on your Technique it's not as it's a confrontational meeting so now I'm on the defensive I'm not I'm not looking for Solutions I'm looking to defend my spending for my babies or vice versa if you marry when they're older have more difficulty because they have been like for example I'm in my
at least I've never been married and if somebody wants to ask me about how I'm spending my money it might not go so well
I'm not single we're nothing but no seriously is it for people that are older that they have a little bit of a harder time because if there's been times Michelle when I would say to myself you know what I would give somebody I've even said it out loud I would give them everything give you $100 a week you can have it all as long as the bills are paid I've said this out loud but I don't know that it would be that easy of the transition what do you see in action with your financial counselor I definitely think that didn't matter in an older age affects it or even a second marriage is affected by your experience and so being single for a long time I make various and I can make a decision without anyone without consulting with anyone else right and that's not necessarily possible with
that's not necessarily possible I'm just hold on one second making sure my microphone here and everybody hear me okay that's not the bowl with
somebody that's older right because at that point that person feels like I don't have to answer to anybody
it's men and women right so you got a man that's been in a bad relationship before you know paying a lot of child support and now he you know that the other thing that you got to have a discussion about your what are you responsible to pay do you have child support that and when we file taxes they're going to be taking that from what that back you know so I have people that especially older people that when they get married and if they have a text that you know they want to file separate taxes because they want to still get their refund that they're typically can I get as a single person and then you know
vice versa you know what I've got okay I'm just making sure looks like something's going on on my monitor so I just want to make sure everybody still here raising that you were just mentioning and in the sense of having that discussion about finances I know I'm a very visual person and I don't know about that when someone's talking about finances I have to actually see it you know I'm saying like yeah if you saying you're going to do this and that you know it doesn't register in my head a hundred dollars doesn't register in my head unless I can see what what that his mom is coming out of a written spending plan I believe in a witness spending plan that will
couple the same couple that I'm talking about that I've been working with that they didn't but he didn't really know what what credit card she had they also don't have anything written down so I asked them to do a budget and just bring it back and sold their idea was okay well here's a list of what bills we have I think about dry cleaning and putting away for vacations and put away for all these things I wanted a total encompassing budget spending plan when I call you should have something but you should be able to look at something and if you don't know how you know there are various resources online or find someone there a lot of nonprofit organizations that offer Financial coaches and credit coaches that can help you to look at that and figure out how do you put everything in writing and and put it all down since you can calculate
how much money you have where look it on paper when it when they use see it I mean people don't even open their bank statements anymore everybody uses the app on their phone and it would actually open the bank statement I like how you know I'm spending this much I have this debit coming out every single month without fail MK what's this for $8.80 of coming out every month and it says looking to use Shopify and then they're like I don't even know what is a debate number next to Shopify for 880 that you've been but I see it on free statement then they call it was some trial that they did they meant to cancel and they never canceled it because it's only eight 80 when you're looking at that app you don't even notice that you have got to balance your statements at least we're going to take a short break for when we come back I would love to talk about the low interest rates we have going on now
we'll take a short break and we'll come back
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I would like welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so I'm Michelle in today's economy there is for all of us do our thinking there is a deep low interest rate and here especially here in Florida people are buying housing like crazy and I'm really help us a debating you know how do I buy do I not buy you know we strong enough as a couple what what are your thoughts about as a couple to buy a house together yes do interest rates are low and if you currently if you do not owe now is the time to definitely start having those conversations about buying a home or let's say you moved into your spouse is home but they owned what you wanted to move up so if you want to move up here you got to sit down and figure out where your finances and are you going to sell this house
this discussion to have right so let's talk about that move up buyer we're counting living in a condo and we want to buy a single-family home in Louisville now the time to sell that Honda or do we rent it out as a couple you need to come up with that what does that look like and speak with a mortgage Professional Lawn and how much can a realtor on how much do we sell the house for how much would it get in cash how much do we need to put on a new house would be able to buy a new house without selling this house we we qualify so those are all discussion questions when it comes to let's say the move up higher if your first time home buyer it is always a good time to come up for some there's so many benefits of homeownership that you don't get as a renter so you don't get the tax benefits for property taxes are able to be written off your interest that you're paid on a mortgage and they will be written off on your taxes so they are tax benefits to being a homeowner that if you're not a homeowner you're not able to take advantage up so it's important that if you're not a homeowner use
start preparing yourself for homeownership unless you know listen I don't want to be a homeowner because I plan on moving I know I'm going to move in the next year so then maybe you start looking for to buy a home wherever you plan on moving to that's the only way I would say that if you're not a homeowner now is not the time to start looking the other thing is you so you don't want to move up he was fine where you are you already a homeowner or what is the interest rate on your mortgage one last have you done a mortgage assessment and see exactly how much interest you pay on your mortgage maybe you've been in your home for a long time and you can get down to 15 year loan you know I was looking at some numbers for friend of mine the other end of the day you know you might want to look at a 15-year and get because the rates are so low that you can have almost the same exact payment with the very low interest rate and be done in 15 years versus just staying out and but you have those people who just I don't want to deal with that I don't want them asking me questions I don't want to provide them with pay stubs and bank statements
forget about the person that self-employed it doesn't even show that income anyway they just put their hands up and say I don't even want to go down that road and that's fine too if that's the decision that you make but understand that whatever decision that you make as it relates to mortgages or purchasing or refinancing it is ultimately still your decision the key is to get educated and make that decision about debt to income ratio any secrets on debt to income ratio when a person is thinking about buying a house and I'm specifically toning off student loans many people that do not know that the student loans are Incorporated in the debt to income ratio want to do a lot of training now or students that are in college so that they don't come out with all this debt right and so student loan debt is another thing that as well
5-minute one thing but student loan debt as it relates to prior to the conversation of getting married should know how much that someone has going into it because they first date talk that's permitted on date one I don't know about all that but when you go to school awesome all you know that I was on scholarship so like his hands that means I don't have a lot of sight but but I'm just saying that you have that I have like Venus that conversation went back by the house and as it relates to student loan it can definitely hurt your debt to ratio income depending on how much you have in so long and how much is monthly payments are so their various programs of various guidelines and that's what you speak with a mortgage professional for the one that's going to work for you based on your student loan debt or maybe next
that is the only that you have so you work on paying off your car loan your credit card you know and that's why I said that. Baseline for a couple may be lower if they have a lot of that you know my husband and I don't have a lot of that we don't carry huge credit card balances anymore we did but we don't our debts are our vehicles and my my husband drove up until December his 2003 Ford Expedition forever so that he wouldn't have a car payment you know we pay off my daughter's car and then now he just said you know it is truck died so he finally bought another vehicle but we're not the kind that have to have you know the most expensive car or the most recent car and we try to pay extra you know I sent two payments a month on my car to get rid of it so how can you work on your your debt to bring them down so that you can afford a house even with the student loan debt
you're really smart wait wait advice for our listening audience finances keep people awake at night finances cause couples to argue finances
to avoid even on vacation you can be on vacation and and have an argument over money and it just that's it the vacations one so it's important that there be a ground rule as it relates the money it's very important that everybody know that's the one thing that makes the world go around right if you can deal with all these other things that mean if somebody is sick even if you're sick Money Can't heal you you can have all the money in the world and still it's so so money has its uses but it's also exactly that it's a it's a tour for providing for us but it's not the only thing and so how do you not make it so much of a folk and that's you know that's where I think people have to get their face
and for me like I don't exist anymore about paying a bill I don't do that but I also I did I used to yet was there. In my life when I would lay awake just thinking about how many bills we have not paid yet and that's a very
it's a very long night so there's a lot of people out there that I like that because I can't sleep there got anxiety or depression and any because I know you're also a woman of God and studying in the ministry so it's easier it's easier to say have faith
and it's actually exercise your faith when you're going through that I will say that God is always a provider but it's not so easy to see the provision when you're going to that the way that you can try to get sweet is to get it out of here and onto paper going back to what you said about having a breakdown what bills do you have okay does this is everything that we have and then just pray over it and watch that show up I have so many testimonies from when the market crashed and I don't know how much we can't have time we have but I will definitely share one okay my husband had a home inspection business and I had my own mortgage company the market crashed and there was no income coming in on my husband used to be in the airline business before so he decided to go back and take a job with an airline that he still looks worn out so he took the job and they told him up front you're not going to get a paycheck
Chinese one month they go through like a whole pay cycle and in the next place I can get a paycheck so he was going to basically work a whole month before he got a paycheck and I remember saying going to get that check and we have a ton of different bills we had a second mortgage on our house that I have taken out to like what is the starting my mortgage business and they were calling me every five minutes of man was so nasty that company I'm so glad they went out of business just come and take my house in my mind I'm going to lose everything and so I remember he was like you have until this day and this time and it was a Monday and that someday I went to church and praise the Lord. And as God is my witness he said it's too it was family and friends day at our church and I had invited friends of mine he said to write a check out for your ties
and pay it and I was like but I don't have any money in the bank I cannot even pay my tide I'm not doing it and he struggled with me the whole church she goes I want you to go to find out where I can check and I'm like and then he says I want you to go up and put it in and I want you to tell everybody that you tell the church I ask Pastor for the microphone and tell the church that you are giving your tithe on your face because the money is not in the bank if I could be bounded all over South Florida I'm not doing that and I wrestled and I went back and forth and finally like it was almost end of service and I was like I want up the fan on my pastor I do need to make an announcement I need to share it but I didn't really I didn't understand at the time this is where you know God will he will use your testimony but he needed me to tell everybody because I was able to come back to
speaks I'll tell you what happened that was Sunday the whole night I was like oh my God I just don't know where but I was didn't yeah cuz pass was like maybe I shouldn't deposit it cuz I told everybody that and I said no I'm going to figure it out for the next day. My husband only been on the job for 2 weeks the next day as I was like driving down the street and I'm basically heading to the guy told me at the second mortgage and if I didn't give them a check to start foreclosure proceedings so I was like okay so here I go riding a second check the sometimes
right I don't like I don't understand I don't get it as I'm driving to this place to give them the check my my husband called and he says oh my God I got paid. Paid I just got a check and I was like what he goes yeah it was going to be a month I said how much is a check for his experts the whole two weeks and no one has lost his boss said I don't know who you know but I have never seen anyone work here and get paid in two weeks I will back that lady and tell her that you know who you know cuz you and your wife is a Praying Woman and she stayed on her knees and God told her so I was able to cover that check I was able to cover the check to the second mortgage and I made it to the airport
I don't know if that check would have come on that Monday if I hadn't been debated on Sunday I'm not telling you out there in Facebook land or podcast land in bringing intimacy back land to write bad checks don't get me wrong I heard a directive from God and I know his voice and that's why I knew he was telling me to do this but that is the testimony I'm sharing with you what happened and how we have to trust him in the midst of whatever we're going through so in the midst of a pandemic in the midst of your financial situation in the midst of your financial drought God will send a blessing that you won't have room enough to receive it but if you have sold if you would only have the faith the size of a mustard seed I promise you that he will provide for you
I promise you that cuz he did it for me and the same guy that did it for me will do it for you and that is my testimony and then I have to go back to church next Sunday and I was like not only this. List the whole week with a week ago he had my husband's cousin call and say hey I'm sending the airline tickets for you to come and set it up and then I ended up going to the Bahamas for a few days you know it was just like a week of blessings and I went back to church nice that do you remember last week when I wrote up at check and I set up here as I would that check clear that this is how it clear and his boss said to him I don't know who you know and she assumed it was somebody within the company I said no you know what a story that is absolutely beautiful and you don't obedience is better than sacrifice yes yes yes thank you so much for you
no definitely how can people reach out to you to email me at Prosperity building at gmail.com they can visit my Facebook page at the King's Daughter LLC and then also on Instagram at the King's Daughter underscore Shelby hele awesome thank you so much Michelle The Galleon Dr April I love you both thank you I look forward to seeing you guys on front house tomorrow morning lighting interesting time and we talked about relationships are upcoming shows on the next week me up Grand Cayman talking about the awesome Earth on Earth Day Kayla Cox at the end of April with driving through all that on May 6th doctors are their head with heart health and food and May 13th with baking
friendships were in the whole Mance Chronicles podcast host and please remember to follow us on social media that bringing him is he back Community you can follow us on our Facebook page Instagram Tik Tok Twitter Youtube and for the latest updates on the bring intimacy back show and also consider joining our patreon for exclusive content and intimacy tips
hi thank you so much and we will see you guys next week this is Ben they're bringing intimacy back show where intimacy is real