Crazy Sexy Midlife Love, December 2, 2020
Show Headline
Crazy Sexy Midlife Love
Show Sub Headline
Guests, Michael Stratford and Carly Anderson: how to manifest the love of your life despite ridiculous obstacles
Crazy Sexy Midlife Love with Morgana Rae-Galaudet and Devin Galaudet
For all of our ideas about when and how love is supposed to happen... what if you finally find YOUR person later than you expected (cause it takes us all however long it takes to be fully cooked), and your person lives on the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET?
Jeesh!
Tonight Devin and Morgana will be chatting with mentor coaches Michael Stratford and Carly Anderson about how to manifest the love of your life despite ridiculous apparent obstacles on tonight's live broadcast of Crazy Sexy Midlife Love. Their first date lasted a whole month. Join us tonight at 5pm pacific time!
Cause love at midlife is so much better!
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Crazy Sexy Midlife Love
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Talk Show
Show Host
My husband and I are 25 weddings deep into getting married 100 times in 100 countries. 100% his idea. And honestly, when we hit 100 we’ll probably keep going, cause we’ve been in honeymoon mode for 5 years now. (He’s a smart man.) We met at 45. Started getting married at 47… back in 2014.
My philosophy is love gets better and more fun at midlife, especially for women. We’re smarter. Men are more relationship ready. (And if they’re not, it’s so obvious! Next!) I want to punch holes in all that negative, fear-feeding nonsense I grew up hearing about age and love for women.
Getting Married around the World
The reason for this is simple. Love and travel are two of our favorite things. By combining the two we unite the best of our worlds. Yes, at least, 100 weddings!
100 Weddings, So Far
Yes, we are aware that we are just getting started.
1. Los Angeles, CA USA — May 23, 2014
2. Puerto Vallarta, Mexico — June 5, 2014
3. Dubrovnik, Croatia — September 14, 2014
4. Kotor, Montenegro — September 15, 2014
5. Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina — September 18, 2014
6. The mountains above Sarajevo, Republic of Srpska — September 22, 2014
7. Belgrade, Serbia — September 26, 2014
8. Belgrade, Serbia — September 26, 2014
9. Bled, Slovenia — September 29, 2014
10. San Marino, San Marino — October 4, 2014
11. Rome, Italy — October 5, 2014
12. Vatican City — October 5, 2014
13. Gesi, Turkey — February 12, 2015
14. Norwalk, CA — May 27, 2015
15. Villa Del Palmar, Loreto, Mexico — June 17, 2015
16. Wizards Academy, Austin, TX — October 6, 2015
17. Sri Rahti, Penestanan, Bali, Indonesia — May 8, 2016
18. Toronto, Canada — August 10, 2016
19. San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato, Mexico — June 15, 2017
20. Colima, Mexico — November 18, 2017
21. Sedona, Arizona — November 10, 2018
22. Paris, France — September 26, 2019
23. Brussels, Belgium — September 29, 2019
24. Madrid, Spain — October 11, 2019
25. Lisbon, Portugal — October 17, 2019
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Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)
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Morgana and Devin: Oh hello and welcome. I'm Morgana. This is my husband, Devon.
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Morgana and Devin: And I'm here to yes you are. And I'm really excited about today's show, we are going to bring in a couple of people that I adore and admire and we'll get into that.
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Morgana and Devin: In a moment, but first we're going to start with what's going on right now. Anything special What is going on. Right. That's a great question. The cats are fighting in the other room.
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Morgana and Devin: Every time I see that opening introduction and that picture of us dancing West Coast swing at the US Open. I can't help but knowing
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Morgana and Devin: That question. It's not even a guess really that without question. I was the worst dancer. Know your whole building. I have a song.
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Morgana and Devin: For both the event and the rehearsal and actually you were really good. I was. But this was still the best dancers.
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Morgana and Devin: In the world, and I am not on like if you were to make a list like a timeline of the best dancers of the world, and then place me somewhere I would be on the end of the road, this far, this. I'm not apologizing, by the way, I'm
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Morgana and Devin: Going to agree and drive home the point, the US Open West Coast swing. It's the Olympics of swing dance.
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Morgana and Devin: With all the best dancers either there or watching from around the planet.
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Morgana and Devin: And it's every year, it starts on Thanksgiving and goes for four days ending Sunday night, so it was supposed to be this last weekend and we had bought our tickets last year because we've dropped the swing doubts Kool Aid and
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Morgana and Devin: It was like one of just the worst pandemic lockdown moments of 2020 for me just, it really drove home the loss of our friends.
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Morgana and Devin: Our dance teacher who was the head judge at the US Open and trained all these top dancers and was also just the sweetest guy and just
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Morgana and Devin: Missing missing the contact at the, you know, dancing with strangers learning every time you do it. It's a very kind community where
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Morgana and Devin: We're obviously baby beginners and people are nice to us anyway. Very, very different from my experience back in my ballet days so
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Morgana and Devin: It's, it's a very up and down time where there are these really sad things and then it feels sort of like the earliest days of spring if were to take like the
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Morgana and Devin: Calendar, the solar calendar out of it and talk about
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Morgana and Devin: You know how winter is this lockdown shut in kind of protective cocooning defense against the elements. That's what 2020 is felt like, and I'm seeing new signs of life like
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Morgana and Devin: In the last week, we've been having a request for Devon to bring back his how to travel the world for free program. Right. Yeah, that's true. And there's we're also getting increase about Devon's mystical solutions to modern love that's true, too. I'm going back to Asia next year.
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Morgana and Devin: We'll talk more about that. Yeah, this one's that's, that's really good. That actually ties in with our guest, one of the things I'm going to do in Asia, something I haven't done before. And so it's like
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Morgana and Devin: You know, when things are so dark and so cold. Just like the hardest days of winter when
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Morgana and Devin: When I was in college on the East Coast February is the worst the snow isn't fun anymore. And it's not snow. It's great ice.
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Morgana and Devin: And that's when the life starts to show it signs of coming back and I feel that's where we are now show, so I have to say part of this introduction. Sounds a little bit like some sort of bleak checkoff novel.
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Morgana and Devin: That's why I love you. I was gonna say that being the worst answer.
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Morgana and Devin: The worst answer in the room, actually, to me, connects to this bigger picture of the Crazy Sexy
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Morgana and Devin: Midlife love thing is that you could get up, make a clown of yourself and nobody's nobody cares. That's like I think maybe the chief thing is not only do I not really care about what people are thinking
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Morgana and Devin: Um, I think the bigger picture is is that nobody recognize it really nobody else is paying attention to you either. That is the greatest thing about this time of life is you realize
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Morgana and Devin: Nobody cares what you do, because they're all thinking about themselves. Anyway. No, it's just the acknowledgement that I am so wrapped up in somebody's not noticing that i'm not i'm not noticing them, which I thought was kind of really makes a whole lot of sense.
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Morgana and Devin: I know you too. And that's why we have this whole you know I love you thing that is happening as part of our world. I think the definition of love is that the things that would be
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Morgana and Devin: terminally annoying to somebody else is just adorable. When you're in love. It's something to laugh about
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Morgana and Devin: And I give Devon, lots of material to laugh about yes no bad, that is that is true. That is true. I was, I was wondering from the cold thought to the single blade of grass poking up Dark Knight.
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Morgana and Devin: I was raised by Russia right now. This is true. So, in fairness, you are you know precisely. I understand that I've read checkoff so that all sort of makes
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Morgana and Devin: I will be leaving for my life, Devon. The good news is it's just not going to be dark all that long as we head into the cold.
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Morgana and Devin: Leads every single last one falls from the tree.
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Morgana and Devin: Head on the ground below.
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Morgana and Devin: And I love you so so. Okay, so how are we now going to segue. That's the, that's the real challenge.
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Morgana and Devin: To spring okay to move from this, you know, to the sort of
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Morgana and Devin: This. There's a couple of the world. That's a little less more of it than we are right, but lots of fun.
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Morgana and Devin: Indeed, indeed, a professionally. They are mentor coaches and so this will be boring to everybody on the planet, except those of us who are in the coaching profession.
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Morgana and Devin: There is, in fact, and this will amaze you to know there is actually a governing body of the coaching the coaching profession, so that even though any totally unqualified person on the planet can call themselves a coach and open up shop.
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Morgana and Devin: Real coaches are governed by the International Coach Federation. So if you're shopping for a coach you wanted find somebody who is accredited somebody who actually can help you knows what they're doing knows how to actually coach.
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Morgana and Devin: So I have to have like the been there since the beginning. Real bona fide mentor coaches.
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Morgana and Devin: My friend Michael is, in my opinion, one of the founders of the coaching profession. There wasn't always a thing called life coach. Somebody had to name that
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Morgana and Devin: And Michael harkens back to the time when that was being created.
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Morgana and Devin: And Michael's wife Carly is not only is she a master certified coach and MCC, which is the highest ranking that I know of recognized by the International Coach Federation, there may be something else. But she's actually the one who trains and tests.
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Morgana and Devin: The other coaches, including the other master certified coaches, so I'm like, they're the real thing and that's not why we invited them.
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Morgana and Devin: But I wanted to put it out there who they are because i think it's it's
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Morgana and Devin: Really worth acknowledging also for all my women friends who are tuning in
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Morgana and Devin: All of you super high powered over achievers. Smarty Pants top of your industry women looking for love. We have somebody like that.
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Morgana and Devin: And there's so much nonsense out there about settling and and in why you aren't going to be finding love and and I know the hurt because I lived in it for decades and I have a lot of friends out there who are feeling it. And I see it all the time.
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Morgana and Devin: I'm bringing somebody who is walking proof that
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Morgana and Devin: When you are a woman of that caliber. The problem is not that you will never find love or that you need to settle. You just need your right person. So let's bring in Michael and Carly. Hello. Welcome. Hi.
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Morgana and Devin: Thanks for inside a build up. Was it worth it.
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Michael & Carly: Was
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Michael & Carly: You know, and probably only theatrical people will get this. But we're pleased to be here, Masha and Cooley didn't
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Morgana and Devin: Well yeah you you don't gravitate towards theatricality at all. Michael Stratford
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Morgana and Devin: For the home audience that's a, that's a reference to Shakespeare's home Stratford upon Avon.
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Michael & Carly: Yes. And that was a chosen name. Yes, actually.
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Morgana and Devin: No. That's like, that's why. How did you
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Michael & Carly: Whatever neurologically my original name turns out to be exactly the same.
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Morgana and Devin: What number
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Michael & Carly: I don't, I don't remember, but I did at one point.
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And
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Michael & Carly: Then this one. I went, oh wow they add up the same must be right.
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Michael & Carly: Wow, that's very cool, very cool.
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Morgana and Devin: So how did you to me.
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Why don't you do that.
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Michael & Carly: Your version.
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Michael & Carly: Well, the, the real reason I noticed Mark was because he was dating my coach.
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Michael & Carly: When I first started coaching 22 years ago I got a coach, because you got to walk the talk and I was in Australia in Sydney and my coach.
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Michael & Carly: told me she was dating Michael and I was like, how can you date someone on the other side of the world. He's in the US in Philadelphia. You're here in Brisbane. I was in Sydney. How does that work. And then there was the international coaching Federation and had the conference in Florida.
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Michael & Carly: In the amazingly horrible location called the green leaf. It was a golf club and we're all spread out around the golf club offices in 1999 and Michael was dating this woman.
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Michael & Carly: And I'm we were all invited to have dinner together. And so I was observing Michael with women, all of us women is like 12 Australian women and Michael. So we were all just studying him, including me if i is this
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Michael & Carly: And anyway, that's how I met. I wish I could tell you the rest of that but we didn't get
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Morgana and Devin: It, it's
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Morgana and Devin: Like divinely ordained you live on the other side of the planet and you're both entangled with other people and one of them is a an especially like complicated entanglement. Yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: Great.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, but they broke up at that weekend and I noticed their energy was not good on the dance floor. It was not good, something happened and I ended up meeting in the spa accidentally sitting between him and her.
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Michael & Carly: At midnight on the last night thinking, why am I sitting in the jacuzzi between these two people. And then she gets up and leaves and I say, Oh, hi, um,
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Michael & Carly: What did I say to you, I don't know. I don't remember the exact words, but we really, um, you got chatting pretty quickly.
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Michael & Carly: And I had to leave for a flight. The next morning, that was very early like six o'clock, so we chatted there. And then we went over to Carly's room and chatted some more because I no longer had the room to stay in
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Michael & Carly: So I was
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Morgana and Devin: Michael write that down.
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Michael & Carly: And so, you know, we just had a really just wonderful conversation. And that was, you know, one could say that was a start and then
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Michael & Carly: Carlin went back to Sydney and I went back to Philadelphia and that was that for a year.
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Michael & Carly: And
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Michael & Carly: When we met again we met in the conference in Vancouver.
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Michael & Carly: And in Vancouver.
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Michael & Carly: I saw her come in down the hall. And I went, Oh. Hi. I was wondering if you were going to be here. And by that time, Carly, who had been in a relationship, but it completed.
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Michael & Carly: In between, and I had also completed a relationship. So now we were basically free agents. So we found ways to sort of hang out with each other bits and pieces here and there, depending on whichever breakout. We were going to
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Michael & Carly: Until the night that Saturday night dance thing again.
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Michael & Carly: And Carly, you know, grabbed my hand and said, What am I dance for my date. You're my day my day.
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Michael & Carly: And I said, Okay, and so we hung out some more. We danced for a while.
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Morgana and Devin: I think I was at that conference, and I would have seen this happening, except I was so self absorbed in like myself that I didn't notice.
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Michael & Carly: So we talked again late but and Carly went back to Australia. And I went back to Philadelphia. Except now we started emailing
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Michael & Carly: Emails and the occasional phone call and then mostly phone calls.
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Michael & Carly: And then we both decided to have
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Michael & Carly: A date and currently flew in from Sydney to Dana point or actually to San Diego and I flew in from Philadelphia.
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Michael & Carly: To San Diego, we met. We had a date in Dana point
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Michael & Carly: And after the first three days, it was just so clear that we decided to extend the day and Carly came out and hung out with me and back in Philadelphia for a while for a month. Yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: So that's a good. That's a very, very long second
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Date.
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Michael & Carly: It was one month. Yes, it was a one month, day,
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Morgana and Devin: Yeah, that is, that's an impressive. And did you know that in advance or was it like okay I'm flying out from Australia for like the afternoon on a Tuesday, so we can have coffee and then I'll fly back or were you like, Well, no, I'm coming up for a month. Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: Now, we decided I'd come out for a month. And if not, if it didn't work out. I could always get on a plane and go back
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Morgana and Devin: Through to them.
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Michael & Carly: They make more flights festival and Dana point and then flew to Philadelphia to
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Michael & Carly: Meet Michael son as well. So that was part of it. He came with he came with a twosome you know human his son. Yeah, so
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Michael & Carly: Devon. Yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: Yeah. Parents. Parents typically don't show up alone.
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Michael & Carly: No i what i did then Morgana you do today. Yeah, we don't have the kids, they have, but the children, bring us
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Morgana and Devin: All it's so much easier that way.
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Michael & Carly: I like it. Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: I got one at Whole Foods. Okay.
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Morgana and Devin: But
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Morgana and Devin: Sorry. Um, it's kind of like you model the perfect relationship arc for a year of pandemic.
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Yes.
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Michael & Carly: And what what
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Morgana and Devin: For everybody watching at home, you build a relationship slowly over time so that when you finally met together, you already had something. Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: Yes, and I, I did get challenged by my own coach who later went to Sydney for a wedding. And he said,
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Michael & Carly: In all of America, you couldn't find one woman, you have to get one from Australia. Yeah, that was this phrase and ending on an American is my husband. This is my third husband.
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Michael & Carly: Third one wasn't planning on my third has been being an American and me moving to the United States. That was not at all. Something I pulled up a bit.
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Morgana and Devin: So, so I have to ask, was there a point
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Morgana and Devin: Where there. I mean you I'm assuming you walk through this sort of like you have this wonderful phone call or however you guys are sort of interacting with each other where you hang up the phone.
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Morgana and Devin: I'm assuming it one or both of your say of this, this can't be. I'm from Philadelphia. I'm from Sydney
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Morgana and Devin: And then at some point, you had to say. Somebody had to know and I'm assuming it. It happened in its own organic unique way.
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Morgana and Devin: But was there sort of like a moment like okay, this was the phone call, where I'm like, okay, whether I like it or not, this is the guy or this is the gal and I'm in love. Click. Was there a moment for you is that too much or too personal desk.
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Michael & Carly: It's not too personal. I just don't know that that
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Michael & Carly: That the idea that it couldn't work wasn't really in my thought process being a kind of romantic and impulsive human being, at times, you know, I was just caught up in the experience of it and loving the connection.
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Michael & Carly: And that was what was the most important thing. And then there was a moment in the Dana point place where it just became crystal clear and we had. I think that was the, you know,
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Michael & Carly: message from God moment.
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Morgana and Devin: We say
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Morgana and Devin: Ooh, say more.
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Michael & Carly: Well,
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Michael & Carly: At it was clear that we wanted to get connected and we wanted to take this relationship further within the first three days.
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Michael & Carly: You know, it was very open and deep and all of that, by the way, and we laid a lot of groundwork through the emails and conversations, but there were two pieces in it.
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Michael & Carly: One was Carly said, I have to know we both had an unanswered question, really, I have to know that if we get married that children are a real possibility.
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Michael & Carly: Because I've been in a relationship where I was told they were and they weren't so I cannot go any further. This was line in the sand time
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Michael & Carly: And not go any further. If that's not a real possibility. And I said,
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Michael & Carly: I have to know that if we have a child that is not going to be all about you and the child's relationship and I'm the third wheel spending his time providing but that's about it.
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Michael & Carly: Because I'd had that in my previous marriage, where it was like, oh, it's her child, you know, even though we had produced it. It's her child, but I'm just kind of an appendage. And so
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Michael & Carly: We had that kind of
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Michael & Carly: Standoff almost, you know, both who's going to who's going to move first and
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Michael & Carly: I think, and I've gotten messages like this before. I think for me, what happened was,
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Michael & Carly: It was like, you know, a download in the matrix, you know, from the divine saying
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Michael & Carly: You've been looking for somebody for a long time, and even complaining and whining about this. I bring one to you and you're blocking that was the kind of like message.
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Michael & Carly: And that's what I said, Yeah, you know, and I also connected in that moment with how much I appreciated, who I was with
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Michael & Carly: And she had the corresponding start it said
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Michael & Carly: So I said yes. Children are on the table. Absolutely I would be happy to have a child with you. And she said, I would never think of keeping my husband out of the relationship. It would have to be all of us. So both questions got answered. So then it was just details from there on out.
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Morgana and Devin: My part of the story so accurate it's pretty good. Yeah. That kind of points to
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Morgana and Devin: The question of, especially since this is both of your third marriages.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, we had to practice marriages.
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Morgana and Devin: Right. What was different. By the time you two got together.
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Michael & Carly: Was older
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Morgana and Devin: Yay. Hey, when my
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Michael & Carly: Mom got married, I was 39 so I already had a book. I mean, it's just different, because I had already had two really successful careers and this was my third going into coaching and I was already doing well in Australia and then Michael came along and I'm going
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Michael & Carly: Why would I, I'm going to move to the US and I just felt like it was my intuition. My My heart said, this is the right thing to do. Even though I was really happy in Sydney and I didn't ever think I'd really leave there.
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Michael & Carly: But what's different is I didn't trust my intuition by that point, I don't think early in my life I trusted myself enough to go
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Michael & Carly: It's difficult for me like jumping off the deep end, because even though I sound like English Australian Australian English is very different than American English Australian culture and it's different than American
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Michael & Carly: And moving here was definitely a challenge for the first few years was horribly challenging and I am privileged as a white woman. Now I know with all that's going on.
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Michael & Carly: It was still extremely challenging from many discrimination points of view that I experienced, but I knew I who I was by then enough
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Michael & Carly: I would say I didn't know all of you on was by then. But I knew enough to be able to go, this is what I want. And I'm willing to dive often see and if I fail. Hey, what's the worst that can happen. I learned. So in that perspective. By then, not when my 20s or even early 30s.
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Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah. For me it was what was different was the amount of work I had done with myself.
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Michael & Carly: To grow to shed historical baggage to process things and to actually bottom line is to get to the place where I not only love myself. I like myself.
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Michael & Carly: And there was a there was a big shift at one point when I recognize that I had no idea who I was in the world without a woman.
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Michael & Carly: And when that one hit me because I've been with a woman in some way, shape, or form.
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Michael & Carly: The longest
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Michael & Carly: Was maybe two months, you know, since I was a kid.
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Michael & Carly: You know, so whether it was 17 and dating a woman for a long time, or a marriage or live together relationship. I was never without a woman. So I had no idea who I was. Without that, so I consciously deliberately stopped.
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Michael & Carly: To find out. Who am I without a woman.
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Michael & Carly: And I didn't date anyone right you know and I
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Michael & Carly: Made the decision to go a couple of years, and in the meantime I was doing a lot of processing etc and clearing space and then
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Michael & Carly: I got to liking me and appreciating me for who I am and the uniqueness of my design. And so I was no longer trying to get anything completed.
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Michael & Carly: By someone else I came into it. And that was something that I think both of us really did is we came into it not seeking a missing piece.
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Michael & Carly: It wasn't like, Oh, You complete me know we're, we're both full as human beings, and we were different.
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Michael & Carly: But we both honor that difference
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Morgana and Devin: I'm so grateful that you've revealed that even as
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Morgana and Devin: A life coach of many, many years and a successful person who's done decades of work on yourself. You still
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Morgana and Devin: Despite outer appearances, deep down, had issues around loving yourself.
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Yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: Because I think we all go around with masks of everything is okay.
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Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah. And one thing, Michael, the gift that Michael gave me from the very beginning of our relationship was just as you may already know uniqueness is a big
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Michael & Carly: Theme in Marcos existence.
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Michael & Carly: And from the beginning. He just said, I want you to be you.
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Michael & Carly: And I was going, I didn't even though I done personal development since my mid 20s. So I had done. I've been continuously involved in my own development to that time I still don't know. By that time that I really knew who I
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Michael & Carly: Didn't know holy like Michael said I don't believe I WAS THAT LIKE HE WAS he's a little older than I am, maybe
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Michael & Carly: It's different, but I still had to own, who am I and then moving to another country where I was a big fish in a little pond called Australia. Now, I was a little fish in a huge pond called the United States.
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Michael & Carly: And I really had to start again from an AI my identity was very much tied up with my I love earning money. I love being independent. I love having my own stuff. I love
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Michael & Carly: I love being a contributor to a relationship financially emotionally socially and here, all of a sudden was reliant financially because of the way the system works.
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Michael & Carly: In the United States, when you immigrate I had no credit. I had, I couldn't buy anything I had, I had property in Australia. I had all this, and yet I had nothing here and it was a big challenge to
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Michael & Carly: Not only love myself. I think that be okay with being dependent on someone else, which I'd never been really in my life.
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Morgana and Devin: He couldn't love you for all these externals, because he couldn't bring them.
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Michael & Carly: Right. Well, I couldn't bring this
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Michael & Carly: Right, yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: And it sounds like some kind of extremist life coach exercise of like stripping you have everything you've ever defined yourself.
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Michael & Carly: Take it all and all bring just bring pod suitcases to the United States. And here we go. But
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Michael & Carly: You'll love this. I'm just telling us before I met Michael I went, you know what, I don't care if I made another man or not I am buying the house furniture of my dreams I bought all this beautiful Italian furniture this amazing
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Michael & Carly: Dinner where everything I wanted some of it was still on auto and Michael I got married. It was taking that long. But I think that was part of it. I just went, I want this for me. And then he shows up, but I got it. I don't even have allowed suede. I own it from Italy. It hasn't
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Michael & Carly: And out of the whole transfer. Well, we have some really beautiful Italian
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Michael & Carly: Table, where I brought it either.
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Morgana and Devin: It's not yellow, it's gonna be pretty
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Morgana and Devin: Did you currently. Did you have sort of like friends in the US in terms of like a support system and how did have because, I mean, was this all sort of just like you to kids against the world.
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Michael & Carly: Know, being a coach already and
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Having
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Michael & Carly: Trained with coach you in Australia and who were international and United States based I really had some colleagues and Michael was in that realm. He was in there as well.
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Michael & Carly: But I didn't know anybody other than a few of those coaches and then I got some clients because of that. And that was it. I knew, nobody
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Michael & Carly: Except, who I knew within a few little bit of the car was brand new to coaching. Even still, this is I started coaching in 1998 and Mark and I made in 99 into 99 and then we got married in 2001
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Michael & Carly: And that's another story is not a living came in, into our marriage situation as well but
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Michael & Carly: Nobody wants to stop with a brand new. Yeah, so it was
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Morgana and Devin: Welcome to our country and then
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Michael & Carly: Citizen
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Michael & Carly: I have been living is that
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Morgana and Devin: Yeah yeah
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Michael & Carly: Yes, it was a it was a huge challenge for for Carly that was laid out for her, you know, there wasn't
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Michael & Carly: You know, as she said whether a colleagues and peers that she might be able to talk with on the phone.
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Michael & Carly: The physical presence of someone else was not there. There was no physical friend, you know, because they're scattered all over. It's not like, oh yeah, I know you're in New Jersey. Let's just go say hi, you know, that wasn't there.
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Michael & Carly: So that was a big, big challenge that you're currently weathered
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Morgana and Devin: Were you. How were you able to
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Morgana and Devin: Help Carly and Carly. How did you get through it.
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Michael & Carly: Well, I think this is a way to share values come in is respect and Michael really held that place of I think maturity helped with that too for both of us knowing that
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Michael & Carly: I had enough failures in my life with so many things that I knew every time I picked myself up. So the worst that could do is I fall down and skin, my knees if
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Michael & Carly: Something wasn't going well. But I think we we discovered a lot of shared values, because we really didn't know how compatible. We really would be that this was a gamble really to move countries.
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Michael & Carly: And go. Is this going to work because I know other friends of mine who it's not worked marrying somebody moving countries.
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Michael & Carly: But, you know, respect, caring, kindness, compassion, empathy at love just really love love love always felt Marco was completely holding me in wholeness and in love. So when I'm in my freaking out, which often happened a lot
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Michael & Carly: A lot in those first couple of years.
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Michael & Carly: He was just a steady rock of love.
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Michael & Carly: That's at least for me, you know,
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Michael & Carly: I think the the shared values is a key thing. And there's always a respect for the difference of us.
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Michael & Carly: Which is both. One of the really sweet elements of the coaching profession, which is the honoring
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Michael & Carly: And valuing and respecting difference, rather than trying to have the other person become the thing you want to mold them into that. It's the same. And that's, that's just huge. Because that takes a whole lot of friction out of the engage you know
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Michael & Carly: And for me, I can see I can see who currently was
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Michael & Carly: I could see that the circumstances were not who currently was
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Michael & Carly: And I could also see that the reactions to the circumstances were not currently was
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Michael & Carly: That that was I knew what I had a gem. And I, that was already shown to me in the previous exchanges and emails and the time we'd spent together.
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Michael & Carly: So,
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Michael & Carly: It was just about keeping space for that, you know, and what I had wanted was I wanted someone who was
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Michael & Carly: You know, and there may have been the best digital tale of this early issue of abandonment that still every now and again reared its head.
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Michael & Carly: Because, you know, somewhere along the line in my life. I, I had this crazy notion based on some experiences I interpreted and came up with this magical conclusion that everybody unplanted was designed to abandon me as if they had nothing better to do in their life.
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Morgana and Devin: It was a focus
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Michael & Carly: It was a focus. And so one of the things in my background kind of swirling in the undercurrent was wanting someone who would want me for who I was.
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Michael & Carly: That I didn't have to put on airs, or be someone else that I could just be me and they would want that. And here I found that, and that was huge for me, it was just huge. She not only saw it and appreciate. She wanted that and
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Michael & Carly: That allowed me to
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Michael & Carly: Be me easily without any friction or having to monitor and manage my behavior which, by giving me that space. It allowed me to give her that space as well.
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Michael & Carly: And so that was really, really important and the values overlap but
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Michael & Carly: You know, that's just huge but respect.
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Michael & Carly: And honoring those are key.
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Morgana and Devin: You said something that really touched me that I think is also really if people watching or listening take nothing else away that your partner is not her circumstances.
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Morgana and Devin: That you could see who she is, without getting caught. Because there's drama and there are circumstances and we aren't always behaving our best and to see and choose and love who somebody is and make that distinction, see that that I think, Wow, that is the biggest gift in the world.
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Morgana and Devin: Yeah. And I, and I think from that you can start moving into the place of it's not on purpose. So when somebody has a bad day or whatever because that's part of the thing. In other words, you know, my relationship with Morgana has
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Morgana and Devin: A multitude of wonderful facets and then I'm a flawed guy running around, so she has to on some level, deal with it.
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Morgana and Devin: And she gets to know that it's not generally mean she's not. It's not. I'm not plotting out a path to to annoy her
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Morgana and Devin: It's just like, Okay, this is Devon's having a moment he needs a breather or whatever. Right. But I think that's kind of what you guys are describing
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Morgana and Devin: Is that from this understanding of how we evolve as people that these certain core beliefs and circumstances, sometimes prevail. You know, sometimes you know I think certainly
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Morgana and Devin: In the world that we're in right now. I think there's I read somewhere just recently where there's a lot of couples that are not doing well.
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Morgana and Devin: And I think it has a lot to do with just sort of this kind of extended circumstance that's truly beyond
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Morgana and Devin: Anybody's comprehension from any, you know, particular point of past and you guys kind of went through it, to some degree, you know already, which I find
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Morgana and Devin: Amazing that you just kept fighting for, because that's what you did was is that you fought for love.
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Morgana and Devin: Which is, I think, ultimately, you know I speak to a lot of people. I'm sure you do as well, where the idea is, like, love is right here.
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Morgana and Devin: And people want to back away from their relationship because of these there's some reasons and sometimes the reasons are very valid and important. And sometimes it's just these little things that they start backing away from
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Morgana and Devin: Love and all of a sudden, there's a chasm between two people who otherwise would still be in in love with each other.
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Michael & Carly: And I think that background of love that you mentioned was really crucial for me in that
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Michael & Carly: It changes the dynamic of the relationship in some really interesting ways. One of them was when I would have an argument or a fight with my partner, previous to this relationship without that background of love.
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Michael & Carly: The added component in there was, is this going to be the one that breaks up
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Michael & Carly: The fear that it was going to like the anxiety that it was going to be. And so that came into the mix and exacerbated the the dialogue, because now you know i would i would compromise being myself or I would you know go into and that wasn't there.
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Michael & Carly: You know, when we fought it or argued
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Michael & Carly: There was no sense that, oh, this is going to be a breakup argument.
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Michael & Carly: It's a, it's a really long way to go back to Sydney
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Morgana and Devin: Right. And you'd already moved furniture. Right.
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Morgana and Devin: Yes.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, that's exhausting.
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Michael & Carly: My best friend's houses. I had no bread. Yeah.
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Morgana and Devin: So someone who wants you Michael for us. She gave up everything, including Italian furniture for yes
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, including Italian furniture. That's the
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Morgana and Devin: That's, that's a sign.
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Michael & Carly: Be. Yes. And it was interesting that the the aspect of the fighting piece because that was something my son.
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Michael & Carly: Noticed and he was 1516 I think right around there and he said, you know,
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Michael & Carly: I want you to and you guys fight, but then it's gone.
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Michael & Carly: And that was a surprise to him.
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Michael & Carly: It was a surprise that we, he says, You guys don't stay angry with each other for very long.
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Michael & Carly: And that was something that later on he had he wanted in his relationships as well. But it was just to have that
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Michael & Carly: Observation i thought was telling this well.
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Morgana and Devin: I think it's actually a brilliant observation for a 15 year old to be seeing it.
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Morgana and Devin: You know, and then wanting it for himself, which I think is actually sort of a beautiful thing. Because I think that's what really, you know, I think that's what the goal is, is that we don't hold on to things.
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Morgana and Devin: And I think a lot of the reasons why you brought up the to me the magic word which is
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Morgana and Devin: Fear and I think we get into that place. It's very easy to find a place where, you know, okay, we're not getting along in this moment. So now I'm going to make a list of all the things because I need to bolster up my fear.
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Morgana and Devin: Of years. I mean, the fear of losing what I have, or not getting the thing that I think I deserve and it's tricky stuff.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, that's not fighting fair effective one of us does it stop it, the kitchen sink belongs in the kitchen.
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Michael & Carly: Not everything. It's like, let's deal with this. And to be honest, we don't fight that much because we hate disconnection. And so the the value of connection is so strong for us that
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Michael & Carly: Anytime we have an upset. It's like, This feels so bad it can use. We just can't stand it. We both of us just like it's so intensely as a feeling and visceral feeling as well. It's painful. It's, it's actually more painful than the upset about being wrong in a in a disagreement.
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Michael & Carly: It more
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Michael & Carly: Painful that disconnection and the upset about being wrong. It's like, Screw it. I'm wrong, still want to be disconnected me
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Morgana and Devin: Right, it's, it's, it's actually sort of, I think you bring up a really great point about these ideas. I think what happens frequently
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Morgana and Devin: You know, in just because we're different, you know, in other words, we were in a relationship, and we're just different people, different sets of experiences and circumstances and it's easy to say, well, I'm taking all of my collective information which is very important.
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Morgana and Devin: And I'm going to put the label of right across it.
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Morgana and Devin: While my wife or somebody else will do a similar kind of thing and their right to
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Morgana and Devin: And then we have these sort of competing competing ideas of right and wrong. And if I'm right. How could you be right as well.
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Morgana and Devin: Yes. So these ideas of being right and being wrong are sort of, you know, they're I think they're just some of the general ideas that are part of our culture, but don't actually ever serve the relationship
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Morgana and Devin: Yeah well said. So speaking of connection. The two I believe the two of you have a daily practice.
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Morgana and Devin: That we were discussing earlier.
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Michael & Carly: Yes, we do.
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Morgana and Devin: Would you like to share that
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Michael & Carly: One of you.
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Michael & Carly: Well, one of the things personal play as you would imagine to knowing, Michael. If you do, is very important. We both are very playful.
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Michael & Carly: And one of the things that I like to do is, I'm like physicality. And what we found is that we actually do well walking and talking. And so one of the things we've developed as a practices every night after dinner, we go for a walk. And we count bunny rabbits.
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Michael & Carly: And it's something that gets us out to walking and maybe we do it mark does it more often than me, because he's, he goes out maybe in the morning. I don't I'm working. I go in the afternoon and evening.
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Michael & Carly: My walks with him, but we can't rabbits and it's just always fun to look we go the same track the same way.
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Michael & Carly: We look for. We've got names for all the houses and all the names of the properties where these rabbits could be bunny rabbits and we're not counting them every night. It's just fun. Yeah, it will talk and I'll do it sometimes three times a day.
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Michael & Carly: And Carly, sometimes the day's work out that we can do that together and it. It's really quite a wonderful thing, but it hasn't just being with each other and being outside and being in a space that is not full of every part of every other part of our day.
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Michael & Carly: Being outside and we're fortunate enough to have an area where we can do that without a whole lot of people. And, you know, we're very mass conscious when we go out because because we are
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Michael & Carly: And so what happens is that we go out and as she said you know we're looking for the bunnies and where they're going to show themselves.
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Michael & Carly: And we'll chat with them as we go by, you know, I, nice to see you. Oh look, you know, party or for, you know, dining at the oval great in the cul de sac, you know,
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Michael & Carly: We'll see that you know we have as she said, we have these wonderful names where I mean there's it. There's the Twin Pines house. And then there's a happy hour corner and the mansion and all of that, but it gives us something that is
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Michael & Carly: Connecting
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Michael & Carly: But it's not just
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Michael & Carly: A download space of our emptying out our day. Not that sometimes that conversation doesn't happen. It does, but it's mostly a being with
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Michael & Carly: The sky, the stars.
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Michael & Carly: The creatures.
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Michael & Carly: And every now and again there's a cat or a squirrel.
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Michael & Carly: We just do
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Morgana and Devin: I do count those as well.
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Michael & Carly: Sometimes it's we don't count crows crank out. It's just too many of those
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Michael & Carly: Gotcha. Cats. Yes, squirrels dogs don't count, either because they're on leashes so cats if their cats are not on leashes they are we go why why
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Michael & Carly: Why you asked here. Where do you belong
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Michael & Carly: This is not safe for you are here do not stay out of night, go home.
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Michael & Carly: Whatever our favorite experiences what we call surprise bunnies surprise bunnies are when we see a bunny and a location. We haven't seen them before. Say I didn't expect you there. He talks to all of them.
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Michael & Carly: One of them, he stops and talk to the bunny rabbits. Well, I'm born in Year of the rabbit. So the
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Morgana and Devin: Family
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Michael & Carly: Family yes of course it's family.
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Michael & Carly: You know, and then the other thing is how surprised we get ourselves because we'll be walking down looking on the Hill for the bunnies are looking over here at the park lawn and then there'll be one sitting in the road in front of us.
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Michael & Carly: Then we almost bump into that and we get to enjoy that as well. It's just sweet.
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Morgana and Devin: And I love that you're also demonstrating a connection exercise that isn't one of those heavy high pressured look into each other's eyes and like
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Morgana and Devin: Crap.
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Michael & Carly: Exactly. Create a we actually have another connection practice.
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Michael & Carly: Of the book like sport Carly loves it even more than I do. And
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Michael & Carly: We often will sit in the lounge and you know she's on one and I'm on another. And we'll watch something just sleep, sleep, and we'll go. We'll go to sleep together, you know, on the separate lounges watching something like golf or, you know, it doesn't
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Morgana and Devin: Do that. Right. That's sleep.
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Michael & Carly: sleeping through chopped right now and I hate that, because I love chopped. I can't watch her network Food Network program right now without falling asleep.
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Michael & Carly: But we love that because I lost you find that sleeping falling asleep in the lounge room is a separate lounge. Is this something very intimate about that, even though we are
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Michael & Carly: Apart. We're on separate mounds. That is something very sweet and innocent about it that we both love, yeah, one more. Wake up sometimes before the other will look across, you know,
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Morgana and Devin: Well, you're just being with each other like, you don't have to perform. Yeah.
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, that's really something that's been really important for us, especially in later years.
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Michael & Carly: Is just
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Michael & Carly: We don't need a whole lot of excitement anymore external external the the richness of noticing a hummingbird going into our honeysuckle plant or just, you know, the silence of the night or something like that. It's just we've come to really appreciate simplicity, much more
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Michael & Carly: So it kind of deepens our experience of life without it having to be constantly stimulated.
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Morgana and Devin: Which is great doesn't have to be dramatic.
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Michael & Carly: Know, we're pretty low drama.
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Michael & Carly: You know we like we have another principle we like to make things easy for each other.
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Morgana and Devin: That's cool. Since that how mid life, life is better.
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Michael & Carly: So it's easier.
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Michael & Carly: It's easier because we're not wrestling with all of the stuff that we used to contend with the absence of knowing who we are and trying to try and
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Michael & Carly: Work it out through the other person or get all this get all of our unmet needs met by the other person so that if we don't get it. And we're like, starving for it. You know, it's just simpler and easier and it makes it
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Michael & Carly: sweeter.
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Michael & Carly: And I think having again lucked out with neither as needed a lot of stuff to feel good. So I don't spend a lot of money. I don't need a lot of things. He doesn't need a lot of things we don't
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Michael & Carly: So we, again, this just not a lot of stress around finances, which I think a lot of couples, no matter what age have a lot of that going on, but we're very, very aligned on
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Michael & Carly: How we how we view money and also with respect he has his own although we do have the same Cheers That's about each
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Michael & Carly: Our own business. Like if you see this is where in my office. I have a bright yellow wall here.
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Michael & Carly: But if you go to Microsoft's he's got a bright blue wall. And so we post. We each have our own personalities and I've got it. You know, liquid chair over there leopard skin.
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Michael & Carly: Thurber cloth chair so we individually have our own personalities.
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Michael & Carly: And we respect that and I feel that that's what makes a lot easier this age is being okay with she can have her stuff. He can have his stuff.
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Michael & Carly: But we don't need a lot of stuff we can express it in our own rooms that we don't need to
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Michael & Carly: You know, just don't need a lot of stuff. And we made it. We made a rule for the what one might call the common rooms which is nothing goes into that we both don't love
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Michael & Carly: It's not a compromise. It's all I'm okay with that. We've had walls that were bear for two years without something until we found a piece of art that we wanted done
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Michael & Carly: Yeah, no, because we realized that we didn't want to have the experience of walking into the room and going, oh I freaking hate that payment, you know, and the other person can
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Michael & Carly: We save that experience.
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Michael & Carly: Our separate offices.
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Michael & Carly: Are all separate offices, but out there. We have to both Love it or doesn't come in.
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Morgana and Devin: Having separate space really helps.
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Michael & Carly: Oh my gosh yes yes yeah absolutely that honors the difference
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Morgana and Devin: I, I want it because we're all we're not quite all out of time, but we're closing in on it. And I wanted to ask you more about you are doing an international event. Is it, is it okay to kind of ask about what you're doing because it's kind of really cool.
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Michael & Carly: Well, it is the one way to describe it is that it is the first
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Michael & Carly: Personal and professional development real life, role playing game.
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Michael & Carly: Over the course of seven months and it's called
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Michael & Carly: Million quest and million quest definition.
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Michael & Carly: Is to positively affect the lives of 1 million people.
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Michael & Carly: That's what the participants are going to be challenged with. So we have created a world
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Michael & Carly: Where in people will be facing challenges that are the kind that someone will face outside the world when they go to pursue their million question real life.
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Michael & Carly: But it's a game of five world. And so they're going to be traipsing around in a 10,000 square foot space with these village pieces and costumes and things like that facing challenges like the avalanche of assumptions for the demons of doubt and things like that so that
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Michael & Carly: We're trying to support people in up leveling their self mastery in what we call seven realms.
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Michael & Carly: You know, so it's million quest quest for self mastery.
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Michael & Carly: With the idea that once people level themselves up in their self mastery, they can then more easily play the game of self transcendence, we're in. It is not about you anymore.
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Michael & Carly: It's about how you contribute to the world how you interact with the world and what can happen there, and it's a collective endeavor and it's happening. First in China.
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Michael & Carly: Which is awesome because there's such a rich culture of both fantasy and consciousness and empowerment. And so this is this is a project for me that's been 20 years in the making.
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Michael & Carly: And it's finally coming to fruition and we're getting this part of it, which is very exciting for me. She's connected me with another person who's part of it. Who connected me with another person is part of it.
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Michael & Carly: So it's a quite a very special project. Thank you for asking. I really appreciate that.
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Michael & Carly: It's a
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Michael & Carly: I've been training coaches in China since 2014
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Morgana and Devin: They're probably starving for this type of
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Morgana and Devin: Learning and self exploration
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Michael & Carly: It's. It is like being at the beginning of the coaching world you know like 29 years ago 30 years ago the enthusiasm that desire to support and it's all integrating well because it is about respecting the difference so that it can contribute to the collective more powerfully
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Morgana and Devin: This is
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Morgana and Devin: What I am
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Morgana and Devin: Or this is what I'm looking forward to the most in 2021 I'm so excited about this. We are in our final seconds. So, and love you both. I
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Morgana and Devin: Appreciate you both. Thank you for like all these wisdom bombs that you just dropped on us. And this is crazy sexy midlife love radio. We will be back next week at 5pm Pacific time
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Morgana and Devin: go too crazy sexy midlife love.com for Devon's ebook women are smarter than men because they are and to join our love family. Thank you so much.
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Michael & Carly: Thanks for having us. And thanks for doing this.
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Morgana and Devin: Thank you guys.
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Thank you for listening. The Crazy Sexy midlife love please sign up to join our free love family at Crazy Sexy midlife love.com
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To get alerts the live shows call in and ask questions or just listen in. And ladies. Don't forget to download Devin street ebook women are smarter than men and other secrets marriage minded women need to know. Also available at Crazy Sexy midlife love.com
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Michael & Carly: Yes.
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Morgana and Devin: Oh my god, you were wonderful.
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Michael & Carly: Oh, thank you, Captain America.
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Morgana and Devin: Oh yeah, that was me, being the worst answer in the whole
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Morgana and Devin: Like you could, you'd have to go like, I don't even know you'd have to go into like the next town to find there were 10 year olds who are so much. Oh yeah, no.
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Morgana and Devin: Like, I mean it was embarrassing and the whole thing.
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Morgana and Devin: Right now, it didn't matter what
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Morgana and Devin: I cared a little bit because there was a point where we were performing were more gonna like has more content is her performance. She is Jazz Hands completed and I'm like, Listen, I'll do it. But I'll be in the last row because the real dancers should be in the front.
