welcome to the brain and Timothy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with your self your significant other children and family friends community and your higher power this show is for you that's we explore intimate topics inspiring life stories spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April and her doctor Kelly now let's get this episode of the bringing intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create with your host dr. April Kelly welcome to the bring an intimacy that show where intimacy is real how you doing dr. Kelly I'm doing so great after April yes how is your how is your week off so fantastic I chose to drive across country from Denver to Michigan Denver and then 5

north of Detroit and actually lost my keys at the world's largest truck stop along the way I found them later 20 minutes of stress but it's good to be home in Northeast Michigan is great to see you I had the same experience I was in Coast. Coast week I'm going there soon but I was hitting Cancun Mexico yeah say yeah and I lost my passport on my way back in 15 minutes 15 minutes I guess God wanted us to see how we were going to handle our stress during the Mexican prison I was like Godly I should have had some tattoos but anyway it all

so nice on the water in the beach and then that's what we're going to have today what do my intro talk about the beach

yes yes we have I'm Zach Beach of learning to love and Zack I mean Zack his let me just talk a little bit about sex so Zack is an international yoga teacher which is amazing because you know that's dealing with the body and not so with the mine but he's also a best-selling author I don't know if you knew that a best-selling author he wrote about the seven lessons of Love which hopefully he gets the police a lesson at 2 to give the whole thing he's a he's a poet he's a third child if you did mention earlier I love coaching founder of the Heart Center love school and he does a lot of lead Retreats workshops transforming old things he's been all over and I like to welcome Zach on to the show thank you April thank you Kelly happy to be here

yes and Jack I'll see if I didn't mention has a podcast called learning to love which is great thank you for that and thank you again for having me on your show all definitely definitely just a few housekeeping things I'll re-read every month sponsor a charity of the mice in this one is American art therapy which deals with I didn't therapy and being creative and if you're interested in that please visit members are therapy.org but let's get into the meat and bones of our topic today which is learning to love yes one of the things that I really am but the show is about Zach of course is intimacy and so as we're starting off what is your definition of intimacy that's a good question I really love that you just have this show and this offering of the world it's so important because it's Misty is

about the richness of life and I always think about things I'm both physical or human and also spiritual Dimensions when I think about intimacy I think about two things when I think about the master dogen quotes that Enlightenment is intimacy with all things I also think about this other idea of thinking of the word intimacy which you have probably heard which is intimacy is into me see so another words intimacy is seeing deep into someone seeing him there essential goodness a new soul singer of Heart seeing them who they are cultivating intimacy and intimate relationship that's what it's about it's about getting to know somebody on a deeply intimate level getting to know their fears and their dreams and who they are and how they came to be the beautiful human being that they are

wow so I can you have those I mean I know some people listening to this phone you have the visceral and you see Zach Blues eyes for your Eagle cuz you don't have as much ego as you used to be.

No it's really it's really nice to see see you there I can hear you talk about that intimacy you see there is so they have a difficult time trusting others

that's a good question because I did not originally start being so passionate about love I do think of my past as starting on a search for truth and figure out like what is real and figuring out the answers to the fundamental questions of human existence questions like why are we here what does it mean to be a good person who are we beyond just like the material nature of our existence and no matter where I went whether it was a lecture hall at University rather it was a transformational workshop are there was a training or that rather it was a temple or church is it all brought me back to the same place every single time and that is love everything from we know God through love for God is love to just listening to a social psychologist talk about how we're in love is for our overall health and well-being

so I started out for truth I Found Love and then I just never stopped and I do think of my work in the world as meant to bring more love into it right now I think about that as being the love of the body the heart in the mines and the love of the body and gets Peach yoga which little means to do car to Colter Bay connection our unity and every day I get to tell people to open their hearts and read poetry and I think I mean like you to move your ribs or shelters in some way but that's when I get to slide all that important information under the radar and I'm a little of the heart I write poetry and perform spoken word performance says I'm in love of the mind I love teaching workshops and having my podcast and having a mile of school because that's where most people are we are lost in thought living everything that we stay caught up in our own unless internal dialogue so absolutely no it's kind of like love or do you have to start a little bit for the mine with the mine with explanations for things like this and its infinite

play love that we can cultivate is infinite the amount that we can open our heart is in it so it's a daily practice for me and I can see myself doing it for this life and the next and the next

you said You Found Love

what is going to be a little try to say that like I found it in myself

that's terrific

because yeah it's like when you get there from fighting well that's kind of a common narrative that we have in our society we say like the main task that a person needs to do in order to be in a happy intimate relationship is find the right person and find the right person involved like swiping left and right play a million times and going in a bunch of unsuccessful days once you find the right person I love Jesse rubs like a volcano fairytale you live happily ever after I never remember I'm supposed to swipe left or right matches oh no maybe that's your thing like about relationships is like the challenges that we have in them are there for a reason that we can go through them and fortunately if you're in an intimate relationship with somebody who's like to support your growth it can be really transformative on your life

but even those challenging relationship sometimes I think of love is like this like fire and sometimes the start of fire what do you need to do burn through a few small sticks so sometimes those like early relationships that like maybe start out hot but then fizzle out really quickly they're there for a reason you had to learn something that relationship I'm not person and then that person becomes part of you and how you love in the future.

Earth the forest to burn down with one match because like Bic lighters long Bic lighters I had a newspaper all kinds of kindling and I still couldn't stop by if you're going to give us some kindling for these people that are in that where it's they're still struggling with that that intimate relationship with herself where they can find love cuz otherwise wouldn't you think that they would have a hard time loving others if they have a hard time loving themselves what do you think of that

yeah I picked up a few things are just that one how does one fight how does one spark burn the whole forest and living in California I wonder that a lot how one gender reveal party can burn down and eat a lot of candy little bit like fire in the academy beautiful and transformational but contained in a certain way right we can have healthy healthy boundaries I'm typing them to come in there to do around love is were told finding the right person to Love is Easy as finding the right person is hard but loving is easy and it's that narrative that brings a lot of people in the trouble is they do encounter problems and lounges in the relationship and I think this because I found the wrong person move on to the next move on to the next to the root of those issues but then tapping into this other, in there that were told that you can't love others until you love yourself I don't necessarily agree with

you know we learn what love is at an early age and how are parents allowed ourselves base and how their parents love each other and sometimes we didn't receive that and I know many people who first learned how to love how somebody else love them as an adult later on in life you know when you meet somebody and you like you're amazing you're the most beautiful thing I've ever met entire life and you like no I'm not I give you a gift and affection and love and then you like I don't think I deserve that but then slowly it work since you and you sort of like realize how worried that you are love Aaliyah how somebody else bugs you acting sad strong self-love strong self-esteem for example will make your relationships better

write like a very common thing we talk tell people in relationships is to ask for what you want right now a lot of people don't ask for what they want a because they don't know because I haven't explored be because they don't think if they ask that they're going to get it because maybe their parents were like what do you want for dinner and you said hot dogs like too bad but also you might not think you deserve it. Nothing get enough fundamental like unconscious level. You deserve to get for what you want so you don't ask for it when you do come from a place of self-love and then you do stuff tomorrow appropriate boundaries you're more likely to ask her what you want because that's part of your self-love practice isn't meeting your needs

and that's very good at like you said it's asking for for what you want and that other thing that I wanted to go back to one of the things you said you kind of made it seem like y'all two different relationship is like a journey yes yeah you know some people get so stuck in like oh my gosh I didn't meet the right one but maybe like kind of what you interpreted was that the right one might have been at that time. Then you learn you get better and you move to someone else has that kind of what you were you were stating you know I'm like you go through so many different life phrases together how do you think that started that beginning transformation people experience at the beginning of a relationship like this year like you're facing the person your door and then you're falling in love that's a new relationship energy eventually you turn and walk on this path of life together holding hands supporting each other in your Mutual growth and happiness

okay so when we come back and take a short break before some couples they have that new energy and then it starts to fizzle out and so I want you to give us some tips on how to keep that sizzling fire you know going not that not for it to burn down any trees or anything but yes we'll take a break and will be back in a moment are you going to take a vacation in Paradise medication to rekindle the version without the kids a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida has a perfect option for you and your partner our Retreats are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including

what Couples Retreat partner interests in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and doctor referrals other services we encourage you to sign up to receive a monthly newsletter called intimate connection at dr. April Brown. Calm remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you are looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be your next vacation in Southwest Florida

welcome back to the bring an intimacy intimacy is real and so I'm right before we took a break Zack was talking about relationships and how sometimes you get connected and you have this great energy and then it starts to fizzle out but before we get to that sack I got a little distracted cuz I thought dr. Kelly doesn't really try to get that intimate hair like your hair

yes yes so but going back to that energy that happens in a relationship when it starts to fade I know you wrote a best-selling book called The Seven lessons of Love Is that address some of those issues

absolutely so you know I probably know that there's a physiological scientific evolutionary phenomenon known as new relationship energy made a part of its limerence Arts really just what happens when we fall in love with somebody rather than be in love and it's that Newfound energy that we get this plot of dopamine and chemicals in the brain and body I'm not give you this feeling of like I'm obsessed with this person and I never believed these things that Fades a little bit over time so there are a number of strategies that we can do in order to sort of keeping a relationship energy alive throughout the relationship and it just involves bringing some intention to it because we wanted to keep things new keep things interesting for novelty is one of the greatest ways to keep energy alive because of the beginning relationship novelty is easy right it's like you love sushi I love sushi

sushi restaurant learning new things everything you do is move together so it's very easy and as always and goes on as life becomes routine as you start to see each other every day as you're like sharing the bathroom together like experiencing like a lot of like Domesticity and not so much they passion or intimacy and you do want to bring novelty intentionally go to new places intentionally try new things as potentially get things that might even excite you like extreme sports or even just hiking up a tall mountain and be really helpful and always continue to date your partner or I can be easy to say I live together and sleep next to this person I don't need to go to a fancy dinner over Candlelight and drink wine together but you want to continue to do your partner throughout your entire relationship and another thing keeping her alive is a little bit of distance just a little bit of space

Russian music I said 1500 my

yeah but you need space because that's what keeps the passion and they are in the fire you need space that you're right equation which I believe is dr. Marin but I'll have to check that which is justice that desire plus obstacles equals excitement. You know I don't like to be teased a little bit we can get on this podcast but go ahead I said you had me at a ride go ahead

right so you know Esther perel talked about this a lot basic that you know sexuality is like the mechanics write the Pee goes in the me or whatever Jen of those are touching each other right but this is a matter that is the mystery we had the sense of adventure the sons of exploration and Discovery and it's that sense of like little bit of space little bit Independence is what creates that level of desire and intimacy that we filled the beginning of the relationships they can be really easy going to fall into fall into routine if you begin living together and sleeping together now people working at home together to spending much more time together than they used to you do have to insert a little bit of space you don't have to cultivate your own pot because when you're passionate about your life it's going to overflow into your relationship to offer for people who want a little bit more new relationship energy is just to understand the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire

spontaneous desire is when a thought popped into your head I should tear my partners clothes off early on in the relationship just to listen as responsive desire doesn't happen spontaneously it's something that's cultivated so maybe like you're sitting in the couch or not quite in the mood but then you turn the television off change the lighting start cuddling start kissing and then so you feel that desire start to build so it's true you might move a little bit more towards the response of desire as relationship goes on and this is normal in this is okay and we can recognize it and cultivate spaces and times but desire come naturally grow

yeah because spontaneity is very important in relationships and intimacy some women that I have consoled in the past a specific leaving the last year I've heard they feel like they're not they're not attracted to this post because it's there's no spontaneity

there's no spontaneity so therefore some of them feel like they're not attractive anymore so you can get equate spontaneity with wow they want me they can't keep their hands off of me absolutely like if you're a listener you want to bring passion into a relationship just surprised your partner tonight just do something totally out of the ordinary that you haven't done in a long time and then you'll just see it. Just happen

how to get to that because I've had suggested that as well to compliance and they say oh no don't wonder who influence me so they can say is that beach influenced me after April influence me did I want you so what do you do with the people that say you give a suggestion and they say no my husband or my spouse or partner would not like that they say I don't think that's going to work how would you respond to them back cuz I feel like there's two sides to your question in terms of like the people who may be want to bring something in but I don't feel like it's genuine and I just said that to start out the window right because like podcast like this or like books on sex can be a really awesome excuse you know like and it mentioned is really weird things like do you think we could maybe try it

so it's like I heard about bondage on the intimacy podcast and submission and you know I just do you want to maybe try it sometime right so it's no excuse you never know quite like what your partner may or may not be may or may not be into if you

speak now I'm doing good what about doing the spanking maybe I'll try that

what about a really slow spanking that slowly turns into a rap

and do a rub some rubbings on caressing

he said the first things that are in the way it's immediate thing that I thought were closed right away so I would encourage now and enjoying the ride hurricanes and fires and all that and how when sometimes you're with someone and they help you through that process I don't know if you guys have had it but you just in the middle of a chaos you get allows really oh yeah well maybe in the middle of a funeral I might get aroused but I'm on my way yes yes on the way yes I get individual here doctor April

so you're both your absolute truth on so many levels so there's even a psychological phenomena but I'm not probably heard of it it's a fundamental attribution bias I believe I'll check it out but literally bought college students cuz everyone I had to walk across the bridge at the end of the month more likely to ask the person doing on the survey who was of the opposite sex with another want to go on a date because like it brings the ones because you don't realize that like the blood pressure is rising and you feel this excitement and danger and then you attribute it to this person that you're with so absolutely get saved by the fireman to give you if you do all these things and all this excitement I'll just Tangos and you're like yeah that definitely has to do with external factors outside of our control and then I got somebody I really like your style

Zach Beach opticals I wanted to say I like even sending like a sexy texts like during the day like a fat leave your lunch break you send a sexy texts to your partner and you say I'm really looking forward to seeing you later tonight right or maybe something a lot more explicit whatever you're into thinking about it right now in your building of excitement. I've heard this phrase sometimes it works that sex is everything that happens 24 hours before sex

I heard it starts at breakfast so if you want sex that night you better get your bored play going at breakfast cuz I'm not sure about that but whatever works for you at breakfast some oysters asparagus chocolate whatever turns you on Make It Happen doesn't have to be see real

I know all of this and how it also would like to your work with yoga yeah in a sense of moving that body

people to do y'all got cracked and you trained teachers

I was talking to but you know it relates in terms of everything that were talking about for a number of reasons first the average person lives from the shoulders up right where the Lawson thought often of mine we live in a very weird talking about intimacy we don't just mean the mental stimulation that we experienced in conversation although that can be an important component that's the first thing that we do in yoga is really just reconnect to our bodies are most people realize is that once they come back to their bodies it's like a room but the door has been closed for like a really long time and it's got clutter and cobwebs and dust and everything and people have ignored their bodies and thus become tight and and

close down and one of the first things we teach this is literally how to breathe like I can't believe how many people you know they've been on this Earth for many decades aren't even breathing in the correct way but we won the first things we do is retrain how to breed come back home to the body and it's not body that is the connection between our internal world and our outer world right side gate way so through can't control bodies we connect to other people we connect to all things really just means to yolk to come together to unify our Union and there's millions of practitioners in the States because we're so disconnected from so many things for my favorite things to ask my teacher Trainor's is like what is a modern person disconnected from the answer usually comes up everything because my body is just came from our hearts for my purpose or just Nicks on the natural world you know even where our food comes from were all so disconnected from each other with the

solving a bike communities and extended families with a more ice we become more isolated each generation that goes on it have less close friends less intimate Partners so our entire practice so a lot of people do things like yoga's is just like doing pushups in a hot room and that's like the Gateway Brands like dipping her down to the water going to jump into the ocean to all things you yourself your purpose your heart your love your life and then of course each other and then people don't realize there any possibility like the karma yoga path is the path of selfless service to buy to yoga path is the path of surrender and devotion one of the pass Kiana is the path of self-discipline Mastery but when you talk about like self-discipline off at I thought studying One South one of the nature of who you are on this planet

so good

and I'm certainly getting the visual on all of this knot to tie everything back to sex by any means but with that sign and breathing would people be able to stop their premature ejaculation

they want to control themselves through yoga and you know like cuz there's a number of people that are affected by premature ejaculation sender and receiver for that matter so what would you encourage

are those correlated or am I just reaching too much cuz I I think that that self-control and people realize no other body of people can suffer from premature ejaculations bro. Lot of different reasons maybe it is just nerves this used to be the thing back in the day people thought it was like 80% psychological and they're like just calm down just relax and I can help a lot of people but it's fun to see if it's him or physiological reasons but one of the things I do fine for example for a lot of men who premature ejaculator check late is there's not a fundamental difference between those that do and those that don't on the physiological basis but the difference is the awareness and what you'll find with men who don't premature ejaculation is there more aware of when they're going to and then they do things to ensure that they don't and they often find that like a subtle change of position change of the Rhythm maybe you can just pausing and breathing can be really helpful

and and then and then I don't ejaculate now it when you first bought the question to get it started getting a little bit more into what may tantric teachings have hot where you can do like what they call edging like you go up and get closer and closer and closer so absolutely learning and getting in touch with your body can also really help and of course Texas this deeply physical thing is also very spiritual as well but when we do get in touch with their physical bodies were able to figure out what we want and what feels good and what doesn't and also control what Sensations might bring us over the edge and then a little bit back from there

not inferior already and sat there listening and see if there's some guys here thinking what's wrong with premature ejaculation intimacy it's about playing and we enjoyed the longer we play together and sometimes if you just go in the playground real quick and go back out you just don't really have that fall value of seeing everything in the playground and join the whole experience I'd like being a daughter when somebody gets off no punishment or the bell rings and about knowing your body and knowing when you're coming close

and I can always tell Rick for I'm going to sneeze and so if I'm in a public place and I don't want to stand up catch the freezer

dairy-free ice cream but yeah Coconut Bliss

oh yeah well rates

so if you're lazy men that are listening and you're like well I don't understand I don't know right before I'm going to start paying attention you can remind people of the sex educator is so technically premature ejaculation is 30 seconds or less like a lot of you know throwing people say like all come too early can I come too early for home and yeah I can really help to like you know Jeff play whenever you want be able to go through the hours but they come in their lives that people believe it's primarily because I think a lot of porn usage is I do think that when the man comes and the sex is over right once you get the money shot then the scene ends right and a lot of people do things that lie Cafe do come early in 2 3 4 5 minutes then you know the end you know it hasn't gotten

are the other male hasn't gotten what they wanted in the situation that then it is it's a failure but so I guess what your finger still work your tongue still works mouth still works probably still work so no way does the activation of certain I need to be the end of you getting off the teeter-totter

done yet

yes it's not over

no we are not done yet but we do need to take a break and when we come back we will discuss more with Zak with some more interesting and radek and life-changing things on learning to love will be back in a moment if you're listening you have a pulse if you have a pulse you have stress you have stress you should get a therapist you go online type in therapist near me then you find a list of letters l m h c l p how can you navigate me to understand all this

go to dr. Kelly boucher.com dr. Kelly specializes in supporting people who suffer from stress anxiety and more today. Kelly boucher.com

welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so we haven't having Zach Beach and we started off talking about finding tooth to love to thida Thai

yappy some people have sex Wings we're talkin about

I haven't heard of that one

one question I do have for you Zach you're all over the place cuz I saw that you do Costa Rica and and California and I think somewhere else where you do I get to make worldwide pandemic mostly Innings but it's tough you know you're really hard to plan anything. You never know when regulations going to change countries in a closed down. Yes I do try to go wherever I'm needed that's my work in the world but also I love to learn wherever I can so you need the year before covid I did Thai massage training in Thailand spent 10 days in Nepal Monastery and then my training in India and then did some workshops in Europe

awesome okay and then you have a website or I think it's like living from the heart and what's your website

play I'm you say my name is Zack b t a c h and then be just like a beats x p stock Cam and then you know I started on this path of love I realize how hard it was because he can go to school and major in love like love incorporated

college is better

if there's no major in love not yet a few certificates you know there might be like but you can't major in love like I want to major in love minor and compassion get certified in education but didn't didn't exist I think of it as my love school and I love school and that's the heart center and we do offer public programs and workshops and trainings around opening in developing

what venue is do teach to what what groups really have you ever had any churches that are open to their love life for every married couple he has loved like marriage and family centers throughout the US and I just think that the sex was God's idea it's an invention evil in this world you know some Churches in that can help people on many times maybe they could Outsource to you if you know for training in thing that for their counselors anyway I'm just like thinking you're you're very busy and all of that but

but how many people actually think of it just as an individual thing like this is just within four couples counseling but it affects society and when you were talking about sex education it just reminds me you know what we need to not have this gift hijacked beautiful thing it is meant to be celebrated and let's remove the shame from a so how do you do that

how to how to remove the Decades of sexual shame in negativity put on dress by culture and church

Tire show it needs to go away

oh absolutely does the church's part of it obviously but we do live just live in a very sick next culture at least those of us in the States you know different other countries are different relationships to sex but we have kind of a very backward like you see sex in the advertising and music videos and stuff this is sort of like ostentatious presentation of sex while they still like deeply shamed around sexual desire is an adult still a lot of homophobia and transphobia in public discourse and the work starts here you know just like us right now starting this conversation and removing this idea that there's like anything wrong with you you are and that you as a human being were built for pleasure pleasure is good for you healthy and you deserve all that your heart can handle and you deserve as much pleasure and joy as your body can experience

well I have a question that just came in from Texas and it's a young woman and she says is that she heard about all the self-love and she wants to love herself but she's not comfortable with her body she gained some weight and you know everyone says about gilga but she's afraid to try it because it looks like on TV that yoga is only for you know people who are fat

yeah thank you for reaching out I really appreciate the courage it took for you to share that and this question and I want to send that first of all you're not alone is that we do live not know me no sex negative culture but about a negative culture or pummeled with ideas what about it should look like Margaret Atwood one of her poems and she's like the celebrities don't look like this a lot of the celebrities on their off days and like you know the model like those models in the magazines on the street they were just look like a normal person

so absolutely like our ever your body looks right now I wanted to see it at the temple for the Divine that you are for the divine nature that you are and it's beautiful no matter how big or small are whatever what you call imperfections might be on in around your body that makes you who you are and it's this beautiful gift that allows you to experience this miracle of life that we all get to be in and absolutely is it can be hard to love our bodies but it doesn't look or do the things that we wanted to do and what is the first thing we can do is honor that emotion that like challenge right and once we kind of like step out of the fog of our life you can see it for the cloud that it is right so we can first being ourselves some compassion to this

in aggression are just a sweetheart for our bodies and that's one of the first things I love to do is just been Compass whatever pain or struggle I'm experiencing with compassion with love with recognizing that suffering is a part of life and that this is a moment of suffering and we can give ourselves the kindness compassion that we need

and that's it begins by setting the intention right now to love exactly who you are and what you are in this moment and realizing it might be hard because it's uphill battle because of all the messages that were receiving on the world around us and absolutely yoga is one of many tools that we can do to come back home to our bodies and to love her body exactly as they are and encourage you to find a teacher who can really help you with this specific challenge because all the time and date I come do dance will come to like a random kind of yoga class how many people there a little bit more experience the teacher teaches the class maybe don't doesn't present the best modifications or adjustments for those bodies for a new and then people give it up altogether too can really help to find a beginner's class to find even a teacher that can work with you and I wanted one best is to help you going to get the terminology and understand what we're trying to do in a yoga practice and also work with you or

unique needs of your first yoga and and you been on this planet for a few decades and might be specific tensions tightness and balances in the body that need to be corrected and there is this huge public message. Your keys are only young fit typically white typically traditionally good-looking and it is a challenge to discard thoughts and we absolutely do need more diversity and yoga we do need more diverse a body's so I do hope that you can come and be a part of this community of practicing opening your heart to love and compassion and connecting to our bodies in the miracle that they are

one of the things that you do specialize in that I haven't had to Define and you use the word a variety of time its compassion is your definition of compassion

yeah but I often does out of my teaching is what is known as the four bottom of the horrors which means the noble qualities in this kind of comes from the Buddhist tradition and it kind of looks like this one easy way to think about what love is is a genuine concern for a person's well-being right like this this guy the romance and intimacy and everything you hear in songs romantic comedies that just means you care about somebody you want them to be happy so when our love touching somebody else or ourselves it transforms depending on where that person is that in their life so if that person is suffering or love turns to compel you want them not to suffer I want to suffer to be alleviated if you see somebody walking step on a nail I wish they didn't happen I wish that person wasn't in pain so when our love meet somebody who is suffering a concussion a desire for that person to be alleviated of their suffering when I left into somebody's doing okay maybe they're not suffering in their life turns into a loving kindness

When Love turns to somebody who's being well in life it turns into what is known as mudita or sympathetic Joy or join somebody else's joy and I love this emotion cuz it's so important because it's so contrary to like a zero sound like we're all fighting for us to get the material whilst that what he wants and when your coworker comes to you and they stay like hey I got that promotion with the big race is didn't you want that and that's the part of the other side like kind of feels anger resentment jealousy and they come up that's when we detest and sympathetic Joy can be really helpful and absolutely this applies to intimate relationships because you know Austin being there in the challenging times is really important in a relationship but when you look at happy successful relationships another thing that they do is rejoice in each other's success is do with the cause to celebrate together like so when your partner comes home that got something at work or something in my life that they wanted that's when you come in you like that stuff

awesome that's great let's go out let's celebrate let's take this happy moment and elevate it and resonate in our happiness together

awesome thank you so much

play goodness you don't know really it's also your you kind of have a poetic sing song A mesmerizing voice and I'm not hitting on you but I met since the beginning but your hair is your hair what you referred to her home and there's did Eddie ever heard of the poem Nothing by Margaret Atwood has your name in it and we talked about obstacles and other things and it's very brief palmen with your permission I'd like to read that what you think. Dre for me please it's nothing by Margaret Atwood he was a Canadian poet she says nothing like love to put blood back in the language the difference between the beach and it's discreet rocks and sharp

uniform in the tender cursive of waves bone in liquid fish egg and salt marsh like lip sore fingers and the fingers themselves move around these stopping Pebbles as around skin guys not baking and over there but close against your eyes molten so near that you can taste it it tastes of salt what touches you is what you touch this is going out to my new friend Zach beach house you put your name in there I love it thank you

yeah well as listeners out there wanting to connect with you how can they go about doing that and zaxbys.com is the best way to find out more about me traveling next year or the year after

have you seen all the memes about blacks and wax

I'm saying when your back's the waxy ready to go out into the world like this, we're going to open up soon and get ready world

awesome one question I do have him you've been doing poetry ever since you were a little boy and just trying to imagine how your parents raised such a wonderful son I just

yeah so I'm very lucky absolutely to have the upbringing that I did to actually brought for my 50th episode anniversary actually brought my own parents on to the show sign of a my own parents and then learn to love podcast and we talked about growing up in one of the things that they committed since on the beginning my parents and I really great feeling I have so much gratitude for that says they created a home that was place of unconditional love and they knew the world can be really challenging and that you were like once we come home like our house we wanted our children to know that they're loved and accepted for just who they are so even like as a young age I remember my dad telling me is like son some girls are born and boys bodies and some boys are boys born and girls bodies and if you decide you know the girl one of these waves like that's okay and I was like what

you know what a beautiful safe place they gave you that

yeah but it's not but it's interesting that I haven't been I wasn't poet I don't think I'm going to happen later on in life and one of the things we talked about a lot of time to talk about like static alignment like me when I rest today the same line as our shoulders or something but I also didn't encourage people to remind to remember that we can align ourselves with many things in life and Canal on ourselves with our Purpose with our heart with love and align ourselves with God and with the Divine we can also eyeliner style still certain natural flow life and I found it when I got into my body and tapped into life and I'm a sophomore in the flow is that a natural creativity a rose from my heart and from my Center because when you look out in the world the world is constantly inventing and Reinventing itself right like this used to be Barren Rock now there are trees and birds and animals and the tree that you see

today will be different than the one you see you tomorrow be a little bit bigger a little bit larger what does the saying a meditation that if you're bored and you're not paying attention cuz every moment is new and every day is new on need to be happening once and never again and can also apply this attitude to our partners is that your partner is not going to the same person they were it today than yesterday people go to divorce court and I like you're not the person I married like of course they're not the person that you married because when you were changing we're evolving so so too we can look at our partner as this endless like dancing pattern of matter and energy this incredible phenomenon that we can never like fully completely know but we can get in touch with and connect with each and every day as newness presents

so many ways

wow you just amaze me

I think he mesmerized you enjoyed our conversation will have to continue this offline

alright I'm thank you again and for our upcoming shows that we do have August 5th we have Ashley Cobb she does sex influencing and education August 19th electronic need a quickie solution-focused brief therapy and then September 2nd and Kristen will be on in the super you creating a PayPal for sale well this is bad in WoW

a great show thank you thank me for being in the Shell yes yes it's been a wonderful just a reminder I'm bi bi is now a nonprofit and so I'm keep that in mind and check us out on Facebook and Instagram Tik-Tok and sweater

alright thank you so much bye