welcome to from trauma to true love the podcast where we break the cycle of pain for a relationship and feel deep lasting love you can try I'm Leyla Rhea a relationship code speaker and author of freedom from shame, forgiveness and healing from sexual abuse<br> I'm here to help you release the invisible wounds from your path that may be holding you back cuz I love you truly desire in each episode will uncover the hidden patterns shaped by early childhood drama explore how they impact your relationship today and guide you toward creating a partnership you were going to have<br> whether you're looking to attract for one deep in an existing connection or finally feel safe in love with space to discover with possible let's dive into your journey and Trauma to life<br> welcome back to another episode where I want to delve into the complex and often hidden realities of stippling sexual abuse today I want to take a step beyond the statistics and the studies of the previous episode from a couple weeks ago to explore the deeply personal human side of this issue so this episode is for survivors who've lived through the experience of sibling abuse and my hope is that by sharing openly and honestly<br> survivors will feel seen heard and understood<br> while sipping abused sexual abuse didn't happen to me personally I've walked alongside friends and clients who have experienced it and I've come to understand that how a family responds to this type of abuse can drastically shape a survivor's Journey<br> some find healing through the support of their families While others are left feeling isolated blamed or even further abused when they try to speak up it's these stories these different times that have made me realize just how crucial it is to create a space where survivors can feel safe to explore their feelings and experiences where they know that they're not alone<br> even though I haven't lived through this particular form of abuse myself I care deeply about the about understanding it better so that I can offer the support and compassion that survivors deserve<br> and my message to anyone listening today especially if you feel alone in your experience is this your experience matters you matter<br> what your story is unique your specific specifics about what happened to you is unique and personal to you this issue is not unique and you are not isolated in terms of this happening in the world<br> the type of abuse happens way more often than you think and there is help available for you so this episode is for you I welcome you and invite you to participate and lean and lean out as you feel necessary for your own comfort and and and care and safety so as we dive into this conversation today I invite you to participate in motion Alee at your own pace if anything brings up difficult emotions it's okay to pause to take a break and come back when you feel ready<br> you might even consider journaling as we go reflecting on your own experience is a way to engage with whatever comes up or taking notes so that you can engage a little bit later and really be present for the conversation today so I really want you to know that I know your experience is real and when you share it with someone who can hold it with you<br> you're creating restorative experience for yourself you don't have to be alone in it and care about you and your experience as do many others who have dedicated their lives to supporting survivors of childhood sexual abuse sibling abuse into other types of trauma<br> I also want you to know that this shouldn't have happened to you you should have been protected and the reality is you weren't<br> there is hope though why you can't change what happened you can't take your power back by changing how you relate to what happened you do have the power to break free from the impact this experience has had on your life no matter how long ago it's been it's never too late to begin your healing Journey never<br> and while my specific experiences around abuse a little different than the sibling abuse I felt some of the same struggle<br> I've wrestled with an abusive in a critic that told me I was Unworthy of love I sabotage to my relationships without even realizing it always fearing that if I showed up as my true self I'd end up alone<br> I couldn't sit down trees and I live through codependent behaviors hoping to avoid being abandoned and none of those strategies worked but today I'm free and you can be free to I'm not going to tell you that it's easy because it isn't<br> healing takes something from you it requires something but you have the strength to do it and I'm here walking alongside you and others will walk alongside of you if it's a better fit as we begin this conversation together or as you begin your healing so let's jump in and I'll share some of my thoughts that have been circulating since the last episode which as I said it was primarily reviewing a scientific article that was more focused on families that show up for the Survivor at not not a consensus for sure around what actually happens in terms of family showing up<br>so let's talk about the weight of that silence there because there's a unique kind of Silence that surrounds sibling sexual abuse<br> I silenced it feels suffocating and isolating and deeply lonely for many survivors the abuse happens in secret behind closed doors often without the knowledge of the rest of the family and this secrecy can create a sense of isolation that lingers long after the abuse has ended to live in silence abuse stole my voice for many years and I felt completely alone in my suffering I believed that no one could possibly understand what I've been through and in that isolation<br> I began to interpret everything around me what people said and did through a belief that I didn't matter and since I truly believed that I didn't matter I treated myself that way and I never told anyone what happened I tried to one I wrote a letter about the abuse but my father found it and he towered over me and proclaimed that we were never going to talk about it<br> at that moment my voice shut down even just completely shut down even more than when it did from the original abuse when it happened and today I can see that it was his shame that enforced my silence but back then I believed that I had done something wrong so is a person who is supposed to protect me could demand my silence was kind of like the question is how could I trust anyone including myself<br> for survivors of sibling sexual abuse I imagine the experience is similar in many ways and I want to hear from you if it's the same if it's different feel feel free to reach out to me and let me know I'm I'm definitely in the process of learning more about this particular type of abuse but silence is enforced by those who are supposed to love you and protect you like that becomes a burden too heavy to carry alone but we do it alone and when families are in denial unable or unwilling to face the truth the way it grows even heavier<br> some survivors might be scapegoated blamed for disrupting the family by speaking up when all they're doing is telling the truth this kind of response as an unbearable load to the survivors already heavy heart<br> so let's talk about what that silence and the denial of your experience does to a person it's not just the absence of words it's the absence of validation the feeling that your pain is somehow invisible or less real because it isn't acknowledged for many survivors this Silo can lead to feelings of Shame and self-blame as other complicit in their was suffering simply because they didn't or couldn't speak out or because when they did they were met with disbelief anger or worse<br> I want to pose a difficult question here when did I invite you to sit with not to answer right away but to reflect on<br> what would it mean to break that silence especially when the risk is being blamed shander for their views what would it look like to give voice to your pain to your anger to your confusion knowing that you might be met with denial or hostility<br> and perhaps even more challenging who would you be if you were no longer carrying that silence alone<br> so let me repeat those questions that you can write them down if you want what would it mean to break the silence especially when the risk is being blamed gender for their views to what would the risk what would it mean to break that silence<br> what would it look like to give voice to your pain to your anger to your confusion would you be if you were no longer carrying that silence alone<br> and then just take some time to contemplate those and you know those questions and really see what's true for you<br> there are many fears to confront in in Breaking the silence fears is not being believed of retaliation of being ostracized and then there's a person like confronting the reality of what happened knowing that it could lead to painful it consequences like distancing yourself from your family or having them turn away from you<br> the Dilemma many survivors face is this do I remain loyal to a family that's in denial or who has betrayed me<br> or do I choose to be loyal to myself I imagine this is a dilemma that many many people face so sometimes the fear of loss is just too much to speak up and so remaining silent can feel like the only option<br> that was the case for me for many years I stayed silent until I realized that the cost was simply too great I was getting married in the morning after getting engaged I woke up with the realization that I would have to protect my children it was my responsibility to protect my children and at the time they were only a seed in my heart<br> and that's when I decided to speak up at that moment I drove over 2 hours and confronted my father giving him an ultimatum<br> take responsibility and get hell oh you'll never have grandchildren and this is one of the bravest things I've ever done in my life I was willing to let go of my family to create a safe one for myself<br> and honestly I'm not saying that's the right choice for everyone but I do want to encourage you to make the decision to heal and confront what's in the way of having healthy nourishing relationships in your life today<br> it's it is healing to give voice to your pain not necessarily the first or second or even the third time you do so the fact that you speak up it's often terrifying at first feeling of turmoil inner turmoil I felt like I wanted to throw up<br> but after sharing your story with someone who can hold your pain with you the healing begin Breath by breath Moment by moment before I broke my silence I was miserable I really believed I didn't matter because I had no one to remind me of who I was without the abuse or underneath the abuse or who I was becoming even because of the abuse because I have really grown a lot<br> do the first time that I spoke up about the abuse I was literally shaking and Terror but over time I found Liberation and my voice and today I can talk about the abuse with Eve<br> that's a journey it doesn't happen overnight so and stupid and speaking up I found my voice again and I also found the compassionate caring person who can include myself in my own home care and consideration before I was constantly on high alert always scanning for danger limiting myself watching my own expression but now I'm free to be authentic spontaneous and fully myself even showing up here and talking about this in this format is part of that part of freeing my voice getting free of the impact so today I don't worry about acceptance or rejection and I seek out genuine connections and leave relationships when I'm not getting my needs met but never would have happened before I started speaking up<br> telling the truth about what happened and choosing my own healing<br> so I wanted to show you that you don't have to choose between fear and courage you actually need both because to Have Courage it must be fear or snot called courage<br> if you're still listening to this right now there's probably something inside of you calling to your freedom and that's your higher self your hope for Liberation and it's within your reach go at your own pace and trust yourself and you feel the call to speak up about what happened<br> if your family is in denial and you're dealing with that added betrayal it's even more important to get outside support so that your experience can be validated<br> being validated by others is a doorway that you'll need to walk through and you'll know when you're ready if you tried to get support but didn't find the right right of it and keep trying there are people out here who can and want to ready willing and able to hold this with you and to guide you towards that freedom<br> one of the most painful aspects of sibling abuse it it it seems to me is the way that it's minimized or dismissed as just family<br> and there's a mess it's a I think it's a dangerous method that what happens between siblings is somehow less harmful because it occurs within the family but let's get real abuse is abuse no matter who the perpetrator is<br> and when that abuse comes from a sibling someone who's supposed to be a source of support and companionship the Betrayal Cuts even deeper and then an added betrayal when your not protected by your parents there's another cut therapist often talked about how difficult it is for survivors of sibling abuse even make it to the therapy room there are so many barriers so many boxes that need to be checked just for the Survivor to get to the point where they can speak about their experience to get help<br> responsible loving parents will guide them to the therapist office and the whole family will go along most likely but the loving parents aren't always equipped to handle something they never imagined could happen in their home<br> and then in many cases parents unknowingly or knowingly contribute to the abuse whether By ignoring the signs refusing to acknowledge it or through their own dysfunction or their own histories that bring that dysfunction or their lack of willingness to see what's happening in their own home to both of these things happen more often and then we'd like to think that's for sure I want to talk briefly about<br> sibling rivalry because sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up and that's one of the reasons why sibling abuse can also get under-reported because parents or caregivers might not take the abuse seriously or they might write it off as kids being kids<br> in many cases the person who caused the harm might cover up their actions or act differently when parents are caregiver givers are around while it's and then what happens if the person who's being harmed can end up being scapegoated<br> then there's an additional emotional cost when the abuse is minimized not just by others but but also by the Survivor themselves over time survivors May begin to feel like they're crazy you're questioning whether the abuse was real or was bad enough to Warrant attention.. Like for my cell phone wasn't that bad but it was not supposed to happen so the patient can shape is Survivor's entire self-perception particularly in their relationships as they grow up<br> they might carry beliefs like like I did like I don't matter when my needs aren't important and can we can carry those beliefs into adulthood allowing these false narratives to affect our self-worth and decision-making in relationships definitely to put up with more to accept less except crumbs and relationships that kind of thing all of it<br> the psychological impact of betrayal of being hurt by someone who's supposed to love you and who you're supposed to trust can be Monumental the cost to a Survivor since its safety and belonging in the world is in men's<br> betrayal undermines the ability to trust others<br> but even more painfully you can make make us doubt our own perceptions and instincts<br> so when you family the people you expect to support and protect you turn on you instead all my gosh that was cut even deeper so I just really want to acknowledge this is a<br> this is a very deeply profound life experience difficult life experience and it seems to me that there are two different towns just in talking to people clients and friends who have experiences there's two different notice that the survivors of sibling sexual abuse can experience and on one pass their acknowledged supported and protected by their caregivers<br> and while the healing Journey may still be difficult and that alone in it I feel supported and protected and you know by their parents and that happens for sure but all the other path survivors are minimized blamed or ostracized by their families so this second path is especially devastating because it come pounce the trauma isolating the Survivor in deepening their feelings of Shame and unworthiness<br>when a Survivor is accused of lying or exaggerating it's not just hurtful it's devastating that kind of internal contraction can make it difficult to breathe to think or to process what's happening and the emotional toll of being labeled a liar by the people you trust and love creates a profound sense of isolation and survivors can begin to question their memories their reality and they're very sense of self that can be part of the you know shutting down as well say anything so they might start doubting everything about their life as other memories were unreliable and maybe that the abuse never truly happened so this is this is something to be aware of his way of minimizing inside of ourselves survivors<br> that emotional turmoil<br> can feel an insurmountable at times but just imagine what it's like to love the person who hurt you<br> or to feel loyalty toward family members that didn't protect you<br> it's disorienting and overwhelming and it can leave survivors feeling trapped in a web of conflicting emotions love guilt fear loyalty and even hatred all at the same time all piled in there and swirling around<br> so is any of this so far resonates with you I want to say something very important trust yourself<br> the feelings you have are likely complex and that's okay<br> you don't have to put your experience in a little box with a bow on it you know your memories don't have to be picture perfect to trust that you were harmed and no matter what anyone else says or alludes to or how they respond to you your experience is real<br> and needs to be acknowledged<br> and in terms of the sense of being alone you can't you can get free of that isolation you can learn how to trust yourself again to discern who stays people are in your life and if your family refuses to acknowledge the abuse you can heal or if you choose to not confront the person who harmed you or your family you can heal it might be one of the hardest things that you've ever done but it's possible and it's worth it I can I can vouch for that a hundred percent<br> healing without Family Support is difficult but it is in no way impossible with the right kind of support whether from a therapist or an experienced coach you could take it one step at a time<br> the way you learn how to validate your own experience even if you can't pinpoint every specific detail I still can't do that with what happened to me like the specifics of it the healing involves remembering your inherent nature this is what a new falls mostly remembering your inherent nature is whole and complete and this is where the journey takes it a twister turn towards healing for the deeper healing when you reconnect with your cell when you truly heal you'll discover that you have the strength and freedom to choose what kind of relationship if any you want with your family<br> and that choice will always be yours if you choose to stay connected you can do so with clear boundaries knowing who you really are and what you need and giving yourself what you need to feel safe and you get to decide how much access your family has to you but it when you're in that process and when you're doing this work then you do that consciously and using the skills skills and tools to keep yourself safe and those are all learnable learnable skills and capacities<br> it's really no right or wrong answer it's just really about what feels true for you what feels right for you but the thing to always remember is that you do have the power to heal and to make choices that honor your well-being<br> and your sacred nuns<br> as a survivor of one of the one of the heaviest burdens that you might carry is the feeling of guilt guilt for what happened feel for how your family reacted sometimes even guilt for the way your family has unfolded as a result of the abuse and this guilt can be Insidious embedding itself deep within your sense of self shaping the way you see the world your relationships and even your own words<br> and I know this feeling well I carried the guilt of having been abused by my father for many years<br> my mother left shortly after the abuse and I and she didn't know about it but I believe that's what I just interpreted I believed that she left because of me is somehow what had happened to drove her away and I was responsible for that the pain of that belief weighed heavily on me and for years I felt responsible for things that were never mind to carry this is one of the most damaging aspects of abuse the way and tricks us into believing that we are somehow it fall<br> as children we often try to make sense of things that don't make sense right it doesn't make any sense that somebody would hurt us that way so we resort to creating stories about why things happen and that's a normal thing that we do is children<br> but those stories can stay with us long into adulthood and and we have to intercept them and and rewrite that story so to speak for me the story that was that I wasn't good enough that I wasn't worth protecting and that my very presence caused my family to break apart but here's the truth it wasn't my fault and whatever happened in your life in your early years it's not your fault either<br>guilt is a heavy motion to hold<br> especially when you've been made to feel responsible for something that was never your burden to bear<br> it wasn't until I worked with a therapist that I began to release the guilt that I felt and my therapist helped me understand that my father was the one responsible for his actions not me and you we can do that like intellectually as an adult but inside the body it is I had to be taught that right and this might be true for you as well maybe there's a part of me that knows and a part of you that doesn't know they're going to get all of that in alignment so that every part of you knows it wasn't your fault<br> my therapist guided me to let my father hold the responsibility for the harm he caused and in doing so I was finally able to start the process of letting go of the guilt that I had carried so long<br>I know that not not everyone has the experience of being acknowledged by their abuser the way that my father did and while I was fortunate that he took responsibility for what he did I want to be really clear about something that is knowledge mint with only a fraction of my healing of small fraction actually I appreciate it and I'm glad he did that but you know I even asked her his acknowledgment and taking responsibility I still had to go on my own healing Journey the abuse impacted my life in ways that acknowledgement alone couldn't fix<br> I still struggled with trust with setting boundaries with feeling worthy of love knowing that I mattered in this world and the guilt may have started to lift but the effects of the abuse was still there wolves in into the DNA almost the fabric of my life and relationships<br> so if you're listening and you've never received acknowledgement from the person who caused you harm I want you to know that you can heal you don't need their acknowledgement to begin your journey your healing is yours to claim and yours to do the work around no matter what anyone says or doesn't say<br> no matter what anyone does or doesn't do<br> and even with. You know the reality of this is that the process of releasing guilt of healing is often long and complex because it involves and tangling the stories we've told ourselves about the abuse and learning to see the truth for what it is it's about understanding that the responsibility for what happened lice with the person who caused the harm not with you<br> and it's about giving yourself the grace to feel to grieve the loss<br> that you've experienced lots of locks and to let go all at your own pace<br> I've heard this before I know it to be true healing is never linear doesn't happen all at once it's actually quite messy and bumpy it's a bumpy ride a roller coaster they're often moments when when guilt can resurface but with the right support you can really then release the guilt that you've been carrying so you know that's part of the process to In and Out in and out until you free of it<br> and you're not to blame for what happened to you you didn't deserve it and it's not your fault. Probably say that a hundred times you didn't deserve it it's not your fault<br> and even though it may take time you can let go of the guilt that you feel if you feel like maybe you don't I just I just know this is typical Xperia it's not for everyone but it is a common experience and you can you know what you can begin to reclaim your life one step at a time and find the freedom that you deserve<br> in the last episode that I did it was in there was a lot that I shared around around parents knew it was you know mostly about parents families who were showing up for the kids but for survivors of sibling sexual abuse one of the hardest things to come to terms with can be the response or lack of response from their parents when it when a parent denies or minimizes the the abuse the pain of the Betrayal defense<br> and as children we look to our parents to protect us to believe us and to support us when we hurt but when a protection and belief isn't there it can leave additional cars that are just as painful as the abuse itself<br> and when a parent discovers that one of their children has been abused another it's like the ground been ripped out from under them they can experience shock and disbelief and they can experience overwhelming guilt as well almost too much for them to bear and it's there's two bear for sure but they might ask themselves where did I go wrong how could I not have known what do I do now some parents in their confusion or fear simply can't handle the reality of what happened instead of offering support to the child has been hurt or also to offer support to the child who has done to her they're going to need some support to write<br> you know I don't think that hat that happens in it is in a glass house are in a bubble the child children someone who causes harm you know there's something going on with them too and they need they need to support two to stop doing what they're doing and from what I've seen most often the people who abused other people have been abused doesn't go the other way like if you if you would be if you abuse someone if you've been abused does that mean you're an abuser know but the the majority the vast majority of people who abuse have some kind of abuse in their history so that that would be something to address<br> but instead of offering support to the children they might deny that parents might deny that the abuse ever even took place or they might blame the Survivor for causing trouble by speaking up<br> so for survivors this can be a second wave of trauma not only have they been abused by someone they trusted their sibling but now the very people who are supposed to be their safety now their parents are turning a blind eye to their pain and we're not even talking about we're not even going to the depth of it when you know when that like you're born into the abuse and it's happening from day one right where parents are part of that so there that that happens to<br> so when for the parent to deny or minimize the abuse it forces the Survivor to carry the weight of the experience alone they might begin to question their own memories are wondering if the abuse really happen the way they remember it they may feel ashamed is that they're somehow at fault for disrupting the family so this is the lack of Parental support can lead to a profound sense of isolation imagine going through one of the most painful experiences of your life only to have the people that you love most is that are supposed to love you and protect you act as though it's no big deal<br>that kind of betrayal can have lasting effects on the survivors self-esteem<br> their ability to trust others and and their overall sense of safety in the world<br> so and then for some parents denial is a defense mechanism the thought of one of their children that that one of their children could harm another is just too much for them to process that they can shut it down and refuse to believe it but their denial doesn't make the pain go away it only deepens the survivors suffering as I've mentioned and when parents deny the abuse<br> then the Survivor needs to carry that burden of the entire families emotions on their own<br> if they're scapegoated blamed for bringing up uncomfortable truths or causing division within the family they can you do all of this they can be blamed for it just happened so I'm curious if what your experience is if your if this is resonating with you if I missing something here if I'm you know because that again I'm looking to understand this particular type of abuse more deeply more holistically<br>so the emotional damage that comes from this type of Parental response can be extremely devastating and survivors could even grow up feeling Unworthy of love for protection<br> they may struggle to trust their own instincts because the people they trusted most you know who were supposed to protect protect them denied their experience<br> and then and then what we do it as we grow up we create situation we create situations that leave us feeling you know unprotected unloved that's that's that's one of the things that I want to help people get free of is that type of impact so that you can discern and choose differently in your adult relationships because this this type of the the the the abuse can lead to a lifetime of difficulties in relationships as survivors Russell with feelings of unworthiness and a fear of abandonment<br> you know healing without parent parental support is I think one of the most difficult things the Survivor conveys it's like trying to mend a broken heart without the glue that comes from being believed invalidated<br> but I want you to know that healing is still possible even if the abuse is never acknowledged even if your parents never acknowledge what happened even if they're long gone no matter when you can start your journey your healing Journey<br> and you know it may take time it actually it will require time and effort willingness Blood Sweat and Tears write it B option will require outside support but one thing you do not need to heal is your parents validation you remember I said that my father's validation was only a small part of my healing<br> and indeed the Journey of healing is about finding your own voice your own truth Your Own Strength your courage and with help you can begin to let go of the need for your parents acknowledgement or anyone and start to reclaim your entire sense of self<br> again no matter how long ago the abuse happened<br> and you deserve to be believed you deserve to be supported you deserve to heal no matter how your family responded even if your parents never acknowledged the truth if you can<br> you can give yourself to validation that was denied you you can let go of the shame that isn't yours to carry and give it back to those who whose shame it is and you can do it step-by-step knowing that you're worthy of love knowing that you're worthy of care knowing that you're worthy of healing<br> Breaking Free from this<br> at the heart of healing from sexual abuse maybe sibling sexual abuse I think maybe all sexual abuse is the need for acknowledgement on some level not from others but most importantly from yourselves<br> acknowledgement of your pain acknowledgment of your courage<br> and for the journey you've had to walk or that you'll need to walk<br> when your family is in denial or when a scapegoat you for speaking up that acknowledgement might never come from them<br> and that can be a really hard part of healing realizing that the validation use needed or long-term or might never come from the people that you expected it from either because they're unwilling unable to give it or maybe they're not here anymore on this planet<br> but let me say this very clearly<br> just because your family refuses to acknowledge what happened it doesn't mean your experience isn't real or that your feelings aren't valid you're paying your trauma your memories are yours and they deserve to be honored even as a people around you can't or won't see that and it's understandable to want acknowledgement from those who are supposed to love and protect you as children we look to our families for that sense of safety for someone to say I see you and I believe you but sometimes that acknowledgement never comes in when it doesn't Daisy to start doubting yourself so maybe you begin to wonder was it bad it wasn't all that bad I'm exaggerating did it happen the way I remember it I know I'm repeating myself a little bit here and there in different ways but it's important we need to hear these things sometimes over and over again<br> so the truth is no one else is denial or minimization can take away what you know in your heart the abuse happened it affected you and it's left a mark on your life and you're allowed to heal from that you don't need anyone's permission to heal you don't need anyone's validation to begin to acknowledge your experience for what it is<br> and here's the big knowledge meant doesn't mean it doesn't mean that you have to forgive it doesn't mean that you have to forget and it certainly doesn't mean that you have to move on before you're ready<br> acknowledgement is about one thing it's about recognizing that what you went through was real that your feelings are valid and that you have a right to speak healing on your own terms<br> so what would it look like to acknowledge your experience not just as something that happened to you but as part of your story that you have the power to rewrite maybe your family will never validate what you went through and maybe you'll never fully understand the impact it had on you but that doesn't have to be the end of the story acknowledgement is about owning your story in a way that feels true to you it's about reclaiming your narrative and saying this happened it hurt and I'm still standing<br> it's not about finding Silver Linings or forcing yourself into a narrative of triumph over tragedy although that could be a part of it but what it's more about is being honest with yourself about what happened and allowing yourself to move forward even if it's just a little bit at a time<br>you don't have to have it all figured out right away Eliza process and acknowledgement is just the beginning so start by acknowledging your pain let yourself feel the weight of what happened without judgment Without Blame without shame just letting. The truth of that be there<br> acknowledge the emotions that come off whether it's anger sadness grief or even confusion all of your feelings are valid all of them have a place on your healing Journey<br> and if your family never acknowledges the truth know that you can still find acknowledgement elsewhere whether it's through a therapist or coach or support group there people out there who will believe you will hear you and who will hold space for your story but the most important acknowledgement comes from within from yourself you have the power to acknowledge yourself you have the right to say this happened to me and it wasn't my fault<br> and once you begin to acknowledge your experience for what it is you can start to release the weight of carrying it alone<br> healing is never about rushing to a perfect conclusion<br> it's about taking small steps one at a time<br> some days that steps will feel Monumental other days they might feel impossibly small but every step you take toward acknowledging your truth is a step towards your freedom<br> and remember you don't need anyone else's permission to heal you don't need anyone else to tell you that your pain is real you already know it is so start their start with acknowledging the truth of your experience and let that be the foundation on which to build your healing<br> you are allowed to feel you are allowed to grieve and you are allowed to heal no matter what anyone says or doesn't say<br> can you tell I care about your freedom from this I do I do absolutely 100% I want you to be free to live your life freely to create beautiful healthy nursing relationships free of the the past. That trauma<br> so as we close today's episode I want to remind you that you're not alone on this journey the human aspects of sibling abuse sibling sexual abuse or deeply a complex and the emotions that come with it can feel overwhelming and confusing and sometimes impossible to unravel<br> but here's the truth your experiences your feelings and your questions are valid you deserve to be seen heard and understood even if the people you expected to support you couldn't or wouldn't see hear or understand you<br> healing is not a straight path it's a winding messy Journey full of ups and downs moments of clarity and Times of deep questioning and that's all okay<br> you don't have to have all the answers right now it's okay to take it one step at a time to go at your own pace and to ask for help when you need it their support for you and if that support doesn't come from your family that can come from others who understand what you've been through<br>As you move forward from today's conversation I hope you feel encouraged to trust yourself trust the validity of your experience and trust that you have to drink to heal to learn how to heal and it won't happen overnight but each step that you take is a step toward reclaiming your power and your boy<br> I want to take you to get to invite you to take a moment right now to reflect on the questions that we've discussed today and ask yourself what would it mean to acknowledge my experience<br> how can I take a step no matter how small toward healing<br> if you feel ready I want to encourage you to visit my website at Layla Rae is.com l a i l a r e y e s sign up for any free talks that I have or to share your thoughts or your story or even ask your questions you can share at the contact page Freedom project ride this is this is just one area of support that I want to make available to you and there's some resources for you not the only place I'm happy to guide you to other places the other resources as well but I want it I'm at my intention is to create a safe space where you can express yourself and find a connection and begin your healing process so remember breaking the silence is often the first step toward the ceiling and you don't have to do it alone<br> so thank you for being part of this conversation today your willingness to listen to reflect and to engage with these difficult topics is a powerful step towards creating a world where everyone of us everyone of us as survivors feel seen her and supported and healing as possible and together we can create spaces where survivors can find the acknowledgement the compassion and the care that we deserve<br> so until next time take care of yourselves and each other<br> thank you for joining me on this episode of from trauma to true love I honor your courage for being here taking steps towards the love and connection that you truly desire I've been there 2 seconds painful pattern longing for love but Unsure how to create it in a way that felt safe real and Lasting you don't have to figure it all out on your own if you're ready to explore with been holding you back and discover was truly possible for your relationship I would love to support you visit Leyla Reyes l e i l a r e y e s Leyla Reyes and schedule a call today will take the first step together tour the Deep meaningful love that you were born to her<br> I can't wait to connect with you until next time take good care of yourself and know that real Lasting Love is within your reach<br>