WEBVTT100:00:37.980 --> 00:00:55.950Devin and Morgana: Hello Hello and welcome to Crazy Sexy midlife love I am Arcata. This is my husband, Devon and I'm impressed. I will say, my wife, cut the introduction for that. And I have to say she did a pretty good job, and why should we care what you think about that no one should400:00:57.660 --> 00:01:05.190Devin and Morgana: Be like, oh, yeah, no, no, because I was in post production editorial for years with500:01:06.270 --> 00:01:12.030Devin and Morgana: With Miramax and even worked with the you know the the Weinstein brothers.600:01:14.670 --> 00:01:34.560Devin and Morgana: We could tell some stories, to be sure, but does so. Nice job. I thought that was, you know, that was good. Well, your first feedback was rather scathing a scathing is such a powerful word know I think it probably I probably said something to the effect of, it could be improved dramatically.700:01:36.750 --> 00:01:48.120Devin and Morgana: Is that wrong. That was sort of more of a delicate sensibilities. I took your notes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, well done. I thought that was kind of a pretty cool promo because800:01:49.980 --> 00:02:03.450Devin and Morgana: I have to stop moving my arm, which is shaking the table. Yeah, I do. Luckily, it seems so my illustrious has been you've been like a relationship coach and a spiritual teacher for a couple decades now.900:02:04.890 --> 00:02:20.340Devin and Morgana: And a travel blogger for like maybe 15 years or so, yeah, long time. Yeah, really long time. Also, um, besides being an excellent West Coast swing dance partner.1000:02:21.180 --> 00:02:29.220Devin and Morgana: And a film editor and a blogger, you are an author so scary. By the way, very scary being married to another so1100:02:29.490 --> 00:02:41.940Devin and Morgana: This is Devon's best selling book for your holiday shopping 10,000 miles with my dead father's ashes went to number one all over the place out food to travel to Spain and Portugal.1200:02:42.240 --> 00:02:53.730Devin and Morgana: Addiction family for a whole variety of sort of like Amazon thing and it really answers the question of what do you do when you lose your father's ashes.1300:02:54.870 --> 00:02:56.670Devin and Morgana: Are related to his final1400:02:57.690 --> 00:03:08.130Devin and Morgana: Final request. So anyway, it's complicated book and yeah that well for all of your gift giving1500:03:08.820 --> 00:03:12.060Devin and Morgana: I brought Susan deference writing a new book.1600:03:12.420 --> 00:03:23.250Devin and Morgana: And I'm in this book like this is this is all long before we met, thank God. Because if I had met him at that time, I would have rightfully Brian and the other director, there was a point I will just very1700:03:23.490 --> 00:03:33.180Devin and Morgana: I know that you're heading in a different direction. I just very briefly, I remember like literally carrying the 300 page, sort of like first draft, and a half.1800:03:33.630 --> 00:03:47.250Devin and Morgana: Thing to more Ghana and we weren't living together to time, but it was like 300 pages that I printed out and it was like here and I had so many sort of like man this is a lot1900:03:47.850 --> 00:04:02.670Devin and Morgana: Of personal unvarnished information about me to this woman that you know I'm in love with. And there was a point where I saw her shortly afterwards, and she was traumatized.2000:04:04.020 --> 00:04:12.090Devin and Morgana: It was not. It was just one of those things like Oh, right. Okay, so she's on Chapter four, like I knew like okay this is2100:04:12.480 --> 00:04:22.800Devin and Morgana: This is not I putting myself in a good life. I am really, really, really grateful that you've refused all of my earlier request to let me read it.2200:04:23.340 --> 00:04:36.030Devin and Morgana: Till I was like good and hooked. Yeah, you had to be you had to be you and I had to be like a deep in love. We had to be in the the entrenchment cuz you are kind of terrifying in this book.2300:04:37.200 --> 00:04:53.310Devin and Morgana: Well it from a romantic standpoint. Yeah. As as a potential partner. This was not, this is not a selling point you know this is a little much but so that it gives you will give unrealistic hope out there to women that there2400:04:54.360 --> 00:04:55.110Devin and Morgana: That people change.2500:04:57.660 --> 00:05:08.730Devin and Morgana: People change and all that kind of. Yeah, but I would really strongly recommend that you wait until the person has changed don't date the potential2600:05:09.240 --> 00:05:25.590Devin and Morgana: Wait until after the fact, when he's a great person because it's a crapshoot and you know you have to love what you have, like, you can't love what you hope he will be all you can do is love what you have in front of you. That's love loving potential is not love.2700:05:26.760 --> 00:05:29.850Devin and Morgana: It says negotiation. Well, which is not2800:05:30.990 --> 00:05:39.000Devin and Morgana: And that brings me to Jazz Hands Yeah my. So, Devon is writing his new book about love.2900:05:40.290 --> 00:05:55.470Devin and Morgana: And he's got this writers group that meets every Sunday. And every now and then I get hungry right around the time that he's reading his portion, I believe it's on purpose. I don't believe it happens so I never know. And then I like any reasonably3000:05:57.180 --> 00:06:03.270Devin and Morgana: curious person I listen to hear what he says about me is that while you walk around with that glass.3100:06:05.370 --> 00:06:08.370Devin and Morgana: Press against the door. I thought I was being subtle. Yeah.3200:06:09.600 --> 00:06:26.130Devin and Morgana: Devon described me as a former actress and ballerina, who is now. How did you put it, I, you're just Jazz Hands Yeah, waiting for next performance. Yeah, I'm just like, I've been3300:06:26.580 --> 00:06:39.420Devin and Morgana: Distilled the human being as like a pair of jazz hands. But in fairness. Yeah, there was in the context of my own sort of like I should wear a gray and walk against the wall and I much3400:06:39.900 --> 00:06:49.830Devin and Morgana: Yeah, I do. I fade into the background. How do I lean behind you so you can when I'm tagging you going look Devon look the cameras there. Come on.3500:06:50.430 --> 00:06:54.720Devin and Morgana: Yeah, I am. I'm heading in the opposite direction. So this within itself is3600:06:55.140 --> 00:07:16.740Devin and Morgana: Is a little painful that's but I'm glad did a wonderful sport. Oh yeah, well, and by the way to change the subject. Yes, a perennial favorite right we have to bring as well. That's my every year. This is my international best selling book number one in all categories, USA, Canada.3700:07:18.300 --> 00:07:36.390Devin and Morgana: Great Britain and Germany, of all places, and then number two in France and Italy and it just like every year people buy around this year financial alchemy 12 months of magic and manifestation. It's a combination of book and self coaching system and3800:07:37.680 --> 00:07:56.730Devin and Morgana: That's my copy right I get one every year. Yes. And, but we are completing last year's copy. So there is an exercise that Devin, and I do every year that I've excerpted from this book, which, by the way, plug is available on Amazon, of course.3900:07:58.230 --> 00:08:13.140Devin and Morgana: But there is an exercise at the end that I call my new your manifestation formula which I am making available to everybody, the link should be on the show page, so I'm not gonna it's too long to speak out. Nice thing. Yeah, this is4000:08:14.400 --> 00:08:33.510Devin and Morgana: This has been such a dumpster fire of a year, even with wonderful things. It's a dumpster fire have a really traumatic year that we're gonna feel for a long time. So it's, I'm not going to give my usual pitch of like the year on a high note. End of the year.4100:08:34.590 --> 00:08:42.840Devin and Morgana: Extracting all of the blessings and gems and learnings and breakthroughs that you can4200:08:43.740 --> 00:08:50.970Devin and Morgana: Because we are going to take whatever this year gave us and we're going to make a really, really powerful. Good.4300:08:51.360 --> 00:09:00.870Devin and Morgana: Different year in 2021 and that's what this is about. It's about finding the highlights finding the accomplishments, finding the learnings. What did you do well.4400:09:01.500 --> 00:09:14.640Devin and Morgana: And building a foundation for what you're going to create in the coming year, and how to design it strategically to make it as easy as possible because I think struggle is grotesquely overrated.4500:09:16.020 --> 00:09:29.730Devin and Morgana: So this is my new your magic new your manifesting formula you can get it for $40 on Amazon and the book, too, and the free to our Q AMP a recording that4600:09:30.180 --> 00:09:40.380Devin and Morgana: You get as a surprise when you go to my website and enter your receipt. And then there's also a totally separate recording that you get inside the book. The link inside the book or4700:09:41.010 --> 00:09:50.580Devin and Morgana: You can start by just for free, getting the new Europe manifesting New Year manifesting formula that we're going to have4800:09:51.060 --> 00:10:09.030Devin and Morgana: On this shows episode page at BBS radio com four slash Crazy Sexy mid life love and now moving into the new year as powerfully as we can, despite4900:10:09.480 --> 00:10:19.680Devin and Morgana: All of the horrible things that happened this year. And why stop there. A hold of the things that have happened in your life, we're going to actually I brought in.5000:10:20.040 --> 00:10:31.500Devin and Morgana: A beloved friend and expert on fearless living. Oh, this is a good one. Yeah, like this. Oh my god, I have known Rhonda Britain, way back5100:10:32.070 --> 00:10:38.940Devin and Morgana: When dinosaurs roamed the earth and she and I were actresses in the very early, early days of coaching.5200:10:39.420 --> 00:10:48.780Devin and Morgana: Was one of the first ones. I think this was before fearless living. I remember Rhonda in our talent managers office.5300:10:49.080 --> 00:11:05.670Devin and Morgana: You were coming up with all these amazing breakthrough exercises. Even then you assign me a word. I don't even remember the context, but I do remember that the word you gave me was satisfied. You might figure out what the exercise that went with that. But anyway, okay. So Rhonda.5400:11:07.710 --> 00:11:20.280Devin and Morgana: Is a huge pioneer in the personal development world she won. I don't even know how many Emmy Awards for the first ever life coaching TV show starting over.5500:11:20.970 --> 00:11:26.730Devin and Morgana: She has written a bunch of best selling books and most famous for fearless living5600:11:27.570 --> 00:11:45.840Devin and Morgana: And wouldn't you know there's a book called fearless loving, which is perfect for this show and. She is the founder of the Fearless living Institute training other coaches in her modality. So, and I love her because she's just a really cool marvelous lady. So Rhonda. Come on in.5700:11:46.890 --> 00:11:54.960Rhonda Britten: Yay, I'm so excited to be here. Hello, hello, hello, so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me.5800:11:55.620 --> 00:12:08.370Rhonda Britten: And I loved your end of the year exercise for manifestation, you know, starting to do those accomplishments and all the lessons and learnings. I mean this year has been rich right it's been rich5900:12:08.730 --> 00:12:18.060Rhonda Britten: So I love that. And I say, yes, yes, yes. And we've known each other. Yeah, we knew each other when we were actresses on my god so long ago and I remember you came to one of my workshops as as6000:12:18.240 --> 00:12:24.420Rhonda Britten: Like like auto see what Ron's doing I'll go check it out. You know supporter and I so appreciated that. So thank you.6100:12:25.260 --> 00:12:26.820Devin and Morgana: Oh, my pleasure. It's just6200:12:28.080 --> 00:12:35.400Devin and Morgana: Of our like click of coaches now lay, you're the one I've known the longest so um6300:12:37.320 --> 00:12:47.670Devin and Morgana: And for all the time that we've known each other. I never asked you this, and I'm genuinely curious what got you into coaching what from the acting to the coaching.6400:12:48.930 --> 00:12:59.730Rhonda Britten: That's a really great question. So, um, you know, I have wanted. I wanted to be an actress since I was a little girl right and I grew up in a little tiny town in Michigan, and there was no actresses. There was no theater. There's nothing6500:13:00.210 --> 00:13:09.000Rhonda Britten: So I didn't do it because, of course, I don't know how to I don't know anybody that does it move to Minneapolis went to school had a roommate that was an actress in LA.6600:13:09.630 --> 00:13:15.180Rhonda Britten: So I make my escape with her as she was back to LA and I am like committed now right6700:13:16.110 --> 00:13:25.560Rhonda Britten: And you know I do it every day. And I'm devoted and I do it and then as I started getting more successful started working more. I actually liked acting less6800:13:26.280 --> 00:13:31.620Rhonda Britten: And I realized that what I liked is the acting classes, not actually working as an actress.6900:13:32.340 --> 00:13:39.240Rhonda Britten: And I think the classes of acting really. I actually think every junior high student everybody from the ages of 10 to 15167000:13:39.960 --> 00:13:51.120Rhonda Britten: Needs to take acting classes and improv in order to heal their emotional life like I got so many emotions. I got in touch with my emotions. I got really connected to myself. And so I started thinking about, like, Am I supposed to7100:13:53.070 --> 00:13:58.530Rhonda Britten: And so I made the bold decision to leave acting, which was7200:13:59.580 --> 00:14:07.440Rhonda Britten: Actually quite devastating. I went to a big identity crisis. I like I went through a midlife crisis because you know in my when I was 28 years 2032 years old.7300:14:07.920 --> 00:14:22.050Rhonda Britten: Thinking like oh my God, who am I going to be, if I'm not an actress because I wanted it for so long and then during that time of healing from giving it back to, you know, I was in a lot of classes always been a self help junkie personal development junkie spiritual junkie etc and7400:14:23.160 --> 00:14:32.100Rhonda Britten: I was working when I was own my own little PR agency and one of my clients was literally one of the first life coaches ever in the whole world. Right.7500:14:32.640 --> 00:14:37.740Rhonda Britten: And he would always tell me you're going to be a better coach than me. And I went, No, I don't think you understand7600:14:38.550 --> 00:14:48.330Rhonda Britten: My life. You know what happened in my life. Are you crazy. I could never be a coach, so he would just say to me all the time. Oh, you're going to be better life coach and you're going to be a little less code to be right. And I was like,7700:14:49.020 --> 00:14:54.990Rhonda Britten: And this is, this is how God works is I booked him. You remember the Learning Annex from years ago right7800:14:55.440 --> 00:15:08.700Rhonda Britten: I booked him as a speaker at a Learning Annex and as we entered the room and he started literally two minutes in. He ran out of the room. He had gotten food poisoning. It was horribly sick and there I am.7900:15:10.050 --> 00:15:11.520Rhonda Britten: With a room full of people8000:15:13.050 --> 00:15:14.580Rhonda Britten: And I teach for the next three hours.8100:15:16.440 --> 00:15:29.370Rhonda Britten: And that was the beginning and then I also had some spiritual experiences that basically said must do it. Um, I had a awakening experience. And that was the first thing that when when when I had to teach and I went8200:15:33.660 --> 00:15:37.200Rhonda Britten: It was like it was like acting, but being myself.8300:15:39.390 --> 00:15:49.770Rhonda Britten: Right, because I always wanted to be myself, but I was afraid to be so it was really empowering so that began the twist. I should say the turn towards becoming a coach.8400:15:52.140 --> 00:15:54.870Devin and Morgana: Thank you. That's, I think,8500:15:55.950 --> 00:15:58.110Devin and Morgana: All the original coaches that I know.8600:16:00.270 --> 00:16:05.940Devin and Morgana: And we had one of them. A couple of weeks ago but Thomas Leonard and Michael Stratford and8700:16:07.080 --> 00:16:22.650Devin and Morgana: A bunch of others whose names I can't even remember a lot started out as after. So, and I think that there's a huge overlap in acting skills like the empathy, the respect for another viewpoint, the collaboration. The problem solving. I think the healing.8800:16:24.000 --> 00:16:24.690Devin and Morgana: Except8900:16:26.040 --> 00:16:28.140Devin and Morgana: You don't have to lie about your age.9000:16:29.820 --> 00:16:30.180Devin and Morgana: Like9100:16:30.780 --> 00:16:32.430Devin and Morgana: All the nonsense. They came with actor9200:16:32.430 --> 00:16:38.100Rhonda Britten: Yeah, well, I always make a joke like, you know, when I was an actress. All I did was pray for a series like please God.9300:16:38.610 --> 00:16:48.870Rhonda Britten: Give me my son series. God is God given my own series right plays and I would get really close. I would have I would, I think I film like three to three or four series.9400:16:49.350 --> 00:16:59.460Rhonda Britten: And I would remember that a new one woman who was our fifth series that she'd be, you know, the show became a big hit. Right. So I was like, I'm so close. I'm so close.9500:16:59.940 --> 00:17:08.490Rhonda Britten: And then when I gave up acting. Of course I was never going to have my own series. I was never going to be on TV. And so the joke of the century, I always say, God knows what he's doing.9600:17:09.000 --> 00:17:17.010Rhonda Britten: He knew that I needed skills to be on TV. Because then when the first show next to the first show ever in the world for coaching wasn't out it was in London.9700:17:17.460 --> 00:17:27.540Rhonda Britten: And I was in London on my book tour. And they were like, what your audition for the show that will start in the first life coach show in the world. And I said, Sure. So I went in and, you know, of course.9800:17:27.720 --> 00:17:32.370Rhonda Britten: I knocked it out of the park because I wasn't afraid of the camera. I knew how to, you know, like I knew how to do it right.9900:17:32.910 --> 00:17:39.900Rhonda Britten: And so, three weeks later I was living in London, doing the very first show hosted by a life coach IE me in the world.10000:17:40.410 --> 00:17:51.150Rhonda Britten: And so then when starting over came in America. I was the only person in the world that ever done it right, ever done it. So of course they hired me and but the joke of the century. I remember living in London, doing the show going10100:17:51.930 --> 00:18:08.460Rhonda Britten: Well, it wasn't the show. I thought I would be in. But here I am in a TV show. I've done 600 episodes of TV as myself, which is the thing I wanted to be the most. It was like God really does know what he's doing, or she's doing depending10200:18:10.590 --> 00:18:12.750Devin and Morgana: So you're human jazz hands too.10300:18:13.590 --> 00:18:16.800Rhonda Britten: Oh out so late. Yeah.10400:18:17.550 --> 00:18:17.850Rhonda Britten: I mean,10500:18:19.980 --> 00:18:22.170Rhonda Britten: Want to be alive. Right. We want to be alive. Want to be10600:18:22.260 --> 00:18:24.780Rhonda Britten: Happy to be alive. And yes, yeah.10700:18:25.950 --> 00:18:26.670Devin and Morgana: I'm10800:18:27.690 --> 00:18:45.270Devin and Morgana: Fearless living, you have a story. So I will assume that we have fans of yours listening and we also have some people who don't know us. So before we like, dive into really scary things like dating.10900:18:46.770 --> 00:18:48.090Devin and Morgana: What is your story.11000:18:49.470 --> 00:18:53.400Rhonda Britten: Well, thank you, and I appreciate appreciate you asking because I'm11100:18:54.180 --> 00:19:02.490Rhonda Britten: You know, it's one of the reasons, when my mentor. I eat my client who became my mentor in coaching would say to me, you're gonna be a better coach than me and I'd be like, you don't know what's happened to me. My11200:19:02.850 --> 00:19:13.170Rhonda Britten: Life is too screwed up. I could never tell anybody else what to do. Right. And who knew that the very thing that was the death of me in my, in my most of my life for 20 years11300:19:13.560 --> 00:19:18.570Rhonda Britten: Would become my resurrection. Right. Isn't that always, always, how it is, it is an hour. I'd always always happens.11400:19:18.870 --> 00:19:24.900Rhonda Britten: So what you're referring to is the worst day of my life. I was 14 years old and as I told you, I grew up in a little tiny town upper Michigan.11500:19:25.410 --> 00:19:32.040Rhonda Britten: And it was Father's Day and my parents recently separated and my father was coming to take us out to brunch Sunday brunch on Father's Day.11600:19:32.520 --> 00:19:41.190Rhonda Britten: And I don't know how you guys grew up, but we didn't go out to eat their three kids to adults too much money like we didn't do this. So that was a big special day. My mother made me a brand new dress.11700:19:41.550 --> 00:19:49.740Rhonda Britten: You know, getting all pretty getting all puffed up and my two sisters are fighting it out in our one bathroom, me and my mom are putting on a blue eye shadow and I'm watching11800:19:50.250 --> 00:20:00.450Rhonda Britten: And my dad knocks on the door goes. Come on, come on, except with dads do and then me and my mom and dad start walking out my sister still in the bathroom fighting it out and11900:20:01.320 --> 00:20:11.310Rhonda Britten: As my father and I walk out with my mother. He says he has to get his coat from the car. Now this code wasn't tam neither Heidi leisure suit coat. So, you know, my father was a good looking man.12000:20:11.730 --> 00:20:29.070Rhonda Britten: And so, as he opened the trunk to get his coat I noticed on the corner of my eye that he does not grab a coat. In fact, he grabs a gun and he starts screaming at my mother, you made me do this. You made me do this and12100:20:30.240 --> 00:20:38.100Rhonda Britten: I say he'll back, Dad. What are you doing, Dad, what are you doing stop and he had already shot my mother ones.12200:20:39.540 --> 00:20:45.210Rhonda Britten: He Cox, the gun pointed at me I'm absolutely believe absolutely believe I'm next.12300:20:46.380 --> 00:20:54.570Rhonda Britten: My father looks at me blinks I look at him. Blake and literally it's like that, you know, the when the world stops, like the world stop like we just looking at each other and I was just waiting.12400:20:54.960 --> 00:21:07.560Rhonda Britten: For the bullet to go off and for me to be dead like my mother or my mother was. And as that bullet as that gun is in my face. My mother screams out literally with their last breath. No, don't.12500:21:08.340 --> 00:21:19.170Rhonda Britten: And my mother, my father realizing, my mother still alive takes that bullet intended for me and shoots. My mother a second time, and the second bullet goes through my mother's abdomen out her back lands in the car horn and for the next12600:21:20.520 --> 00:21:31.110Rhonda Britten: 20 minutes. All I heard was and and then my father cooks the gun jumps to his knees puts the gun to his head and fires. So in a matter of two minutes.12700:21:32.160 --> 00:21:41.730Rhonda Britten: I was the sole witness of watching my father murder my mother and commit suicide in front of me. Now, I don't know how other people would respond, but this is how I responded12800:21:42.510 --> 00:21:47.490Rhonda Britten: And basically split into two that day, you know, the outside of me in the inside of me right the external12900:21:47.790 --> 00:22:02.040Rhonda Britten: And I was fine. I was fine. I was fine. I remember people coming over that day. And I'd be like, Oh no, I forgive him. No, I mean, I was fine. I even went skating that night because I did every Sunday night. So I was skating. Right. I mean, can you imagine I mean just thinking about that, just like13000:22:03.300 --> 00:22:10.320Rhonda Britten: And because I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Right. But I wasn't fine. I was anything but fine.13100:22:10.800 --> 00:22:20.130Rhonda Britten: Because when you're the sole witness to your mother being murdered and you don't save her because I did nothing heroic I didn't jump in front of the gun. I didn't grab the gun. I didn't kick my father in the shins, I did nothing heroic13200:22:20.790 --> 00:22:36.030Rhonda Britten: And now she's dead and I'm the only one that could have saved her. You don't ever get to be happy again like that's just off the table. Right. So for the next 20 years I basically on the outside pretended I was fine, but on the inside.13300:22:37.320 --> 00:22:41.610Rhonda Britten: Basically started drinking to manage to to stuff my emotions.13400:22:43.410 --> 00:22:59.730Rhonda Britten: Got three DUIs became an alcoholic three suicide attempts, and it was my third suicide attempt that I realized that I'm not very good at kill myself and I better figure this out because I wasn't dying.13500:23:02.040 --> 00:23:04.530Rhonda Britten: But I wasn't healing. I wasn't changing13600:23:05.610 --> 00:23:12.900Rhonda Britten: So that third suicide attempt. And again, also I'll preface this those 20 years that I was drinking suicide attempts to you guys. I was13700:23:13.380 --> 00:23:20.310Rhonda Britten: Going to therapy reading books going to work if I was, I am a straight A student and I was a straight A student trying to heal myself.13800:23:21.030 --> 00:23:28.620Rhonda Britten: But no matter what I did it no matter what therapy. I went to what workshop. I went to a shopping experience. I went to energy healing inner child work, you name it.13900:23:29.700 --> 00:23:39.900Rhonda Britten: It was good at skills and tools. That was lovely. But it didn't take the fundamental feeling away that there was something wrong with me. It didn't take the fundamental fundamental feeling away from me.14000:23:40.770 --> 00:23:47.730Rhonda Britten: And when I had that third suicide attempts, and I woke up to begrudgingly I didn't want to be awake.14100:23:48.840 --> 00:23:56.070Rhonda Britten: And they put me in a psychiatric ward for evaluation, they deemed me not crazy. They sent me home. And I remember realizing14200:23:59.340 --> 00:23:59.850Rhonda Britten: I gotta14300:24:01.440 --> 00:24:04.530Rhonda Britten: I'm not dying. So I gotta figure out how to live because I can't keep living like this.14400:24:05.550 --> 00:24:10.200Rhonda Britten: And that Morgan and debit is actually what I created the very first exercise.14500:24:11.190 --> 00:24:22.620Rhonda Britten: That ended up becoming fearless living but of course I wasn't thinking of that I'm just trying to save my life but I started that day. I remember so distinctly. I had my back to the wall and I slid down the wall, you know that classic slide on the wall and going14600:24:23.640 --> 00:24:33.540Rhonda Britten: What am I going to, what am I gonna do. And I remember thinking, you have to start at the beginning. So I actually went to the store got some14700:24:34.620 --> 00:24:36.120Rhonda Britten: Calendar was gold stars.14800:24:37.290 --> 00:24:42.480Rhonda Britten: And started putting a gold star on the calendar every single day that I did anything good.14900:24:42.870 --> 00:24:56.400Rhonda Britten: Like anything good because you have to remember, even though externally meet with people thought I was good, you know, I was a straight A student. I was a good worker. You know when to call all those things got a scholarship to college, etc. But I didn't think I was good.15000:24:58.230 --> 00:25:02.520Rhonda Britten: So after 30 days I had some stars.15100:25:04.020 --> 00:25:05.010Rhonda Britten: And I had some hope.15200:25:06.330 --> 00:25:09.570Rhonda Britten: And so I continued starting to make exercises for myself and15300:25:10.620 --> 00:25:19.110Rhonda Britten: People started seeing my exercises. It's kind of one of the reasons, my mentor said you're gonna be a better coach than me, because I've been making up exercises. I just didn't15400:25:20.430 --> 00:25:24.030Rhonda Britten: Know what I was doing. Right. I was just trying to change my own life.15500:25:24.690 --> 00:25:32.160Rhonda Britten: So then people started asked me what I was doing and I was changing my life and so combination with working at the mentor at the same time and him saying those things to me.15600:25:32.550 --> 00:25:51.330Rhonda Britten: And then having that magical, mystical spiritual experience those things all join together to have me say yes I am meant to do. I meant to do. I meant to share what I know with others. And that was me me just saying it right now. It makes me go.15700:25:52.710 --> 00:25:52.980Rhonda Britten: Like15800:25:55.110 --> 00:26:04.170Rhonda Britten: Like the scariest thing in the whole world to even think that I knew anything that could help anybody was mind blowing.15900:26:05.490 --> 00:26:11.190Devin and Morgana: Was there ever a point, because obviously you today seem16000:26:11.280 --> 00:26:14.010Devin and Morgana: as you put it, you seem to be doing well.16100:26:14.190 --> 00:26:21.300Devin and Morgana: Was there a point during all of this process where it's like, hey, I've, I've, you know, I think I've crossed16200:26:21.720 --> 00:26:23.880Devin and Morgana: Oh yeah, I've crossed the chasm.16300:26:24.120 --> 00:26:40.290Rhonda Britten: Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. Well, there's, you know, as you know, because you two are both, you know, obviously, who you are. You know that there's many chasms right like there's different chasms to cross. But when I said yes to becoming a coach and surrendering to that.16400:26:41.670 --> 00:26:42.330Rhonda Britten: I'm16500:26:44.550 --> 00:26:48.150Rhonda Britten: I think that was the biggest chasm of all because just being willing16600:26:50.790 --> 00:26:56.040Rhonda Britten: Willing to believe that I had something to contribute and that I had a right to contribute it16700:26:58.830 --> 00:27:06.240Rhonda Britten: That was. It was impossible. Like, again, I could act like moron, Oregon, and I was saying earlier, I could act to pretend I was somebody else.16800:27:07.350 --> 00:27:16.830Rhonda Britten: But that I Rhonda Britain. I mean, I remember teaching my first workshop in my house and I was maybe, you know, like 2030 pounds overweight at the time and I was living in the house.16900:27:17.190 --> 00:27:24.030Rhonda Britten: That had like broken tiles in the kitchen because we just bought and it was like 1950s, and it was old and you know how a bunch of stuff needed to be fixed.17000:27:24.300 --> 00:27:28.050Rhonda Britten: And I remember thinking to myself, I can't have people in this House, because they're gonna17100:27:28.620 --> 00:27:35.100Rhonda Britten: Look at me and they're going to allow they're not going to want to be around me and then look at that, you know, stuck on the tile right so17200:27:35.730 --> 00:27:44.010Rhonda Britten: The first I would say specifically the first five years. It was a continuous ever, you know, continuous, you know, wake up, wake wake awakening. Right.17300:27:44.700 --> 00:27:55.500Rhonda Britten: And then writing the book. My first book fearless living in the year 2000 and then publish getting published by random random Jimmy Penguin Putnam back then, but now it's Penguin, Penguin Random House.17400:27:58.740 --> 00:28:02.220Rhonda Britten: Was, you know, it was like a stake in the ground. Right. It was like no going back.17500:28:02.760 --> 00:28:09.660Rhonda Britten: Right, there's no going back. When you write a book, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're out there now. And I remember so distinctly17600:28:10.110 --> 00:28:19.020Rhonda Britten: My assistant bringing in the book from the publisher, you know, they send it to six weeks in advance. Right, so they're sending me my little yoga. She goes, I think it's your book. And I said, open it. She was I'm not opening and17700:28:19.470 --> 00:28:29.280Rhonda Britten: Opening it right and I remember she made me open it. Darn her. And I remember seeing the hardcover of fearless living and throwing it on the ground.17800:28:29.970 --> 00:28:35.880Rhonda Britten: And be like, What have I done. I have to buy all 20,000 copies back because this is the most worst thing. What have I done like17900:28:36.270 --> 00:28:44.100Rhonda Britten: People are going to know everything about me and they're going to know like where I've come from and it was horrified. So, you know, just embracing that every, you know, it's like18000:28:44.880 --> 00:28:53.160Rhonda Britten: I started out as a one on one coach. I never thought I would write a book I was around coach. I never thought I'd do workshop I wasn't wrong code. I never thought I'd be on TV. I was born on coach. I never thought I'd ever raised18100:28:53.970 --> 00:28:59.130Rhonda Britten: Like you just have to follow the you know the the the the you know the breadcrumbs. Right.18200:28:59.700 --> 00:29:14.340Rhonda Britten: And so where you start is not where you end and I had to use chasms where every time I surrendered to the next incarnation of how I was supposed to share my work and how I grew as a coach and a human being and what to share and how to share it.18300:29:14.730 --> 00:29:25.410Devin and Morgana: So, you, you said something really interesting. A minute ago. And what it brought up for me was that there was a point for my own book.18400:29:26.160 --> 00:29:37.440Devin and Morgana: Before before came out, I got a call from the publisher and I never got a call from the publishers publishers, don't do that. They're to be there to be hated at some later point in time.18500:29:37.470 --> 00:29:39.390Rhonda Britten: You, most people do hate their publishers that's18600:29:39.420 --> 00:29:40.320Devin and Morgana: Right, so18700:29:40.770 --> 00:29:48.570Devin and Morgana: So he called me and he was like, literally. Hey, man. The train is leaving the station.18800:29:50.340 --> 00:29:52.710Devin and Morgana: Right. The train is leaving the station and I was18900:29:52.710 --> 00:30:01.470Devin and Morgana: Kind of like, well, what do you mean he's like well you don't know the reach your book will eventually have you don't know who it's going to affect who's going to read it, what they're going to19000:30:01.950 --> 00:30:12.510Devin and Morgana: What and how they're going to respond to it. And did you ever have that moment, I mean, obviously you're gasping and now that now that once they're sending you the hard copy. It's like it's too late.19100:30:12.690 --> 00:30:13.620Rhonda Britten: It's too late.19200:30:13.950 --> 00:30:19.950Devin and Morgana: Right. But was there a moment that you kind of went through where it was like for me there really was. By that time, I received a call from the publisher.19300:30:20.190 --> 00:30:27.420Devin and Morgana: I was like, All right, well, the train is leaving the station and, you know, I remember, I remember going to my mother's house.19400:30:28.140 --> 00:30:39.090Devin and Morgana: And sitting her down and I said hey listen I wrote this book about dad and I wrote this book and I'm in the book, and you're in the book and everybody in the book looks terrible.19500:30:40.590 --> 00:30:42.720Devin and Morgana: And that's, that's where we're at.19600:30:43.950 --> 00:30:52.650Devin and Morgana: And there's and, you know, for me, there was like this kind of shrug and whatever. I'm not gonna bore you with the details, but she Oh, she said she does is it funny.19700:30:53.400 --> 00:31:02.730Devin and Morgana: She goes, because if it's not funny, then it's, you know, this is terrible. But if it's funny. So, you know, but again, getting back to you in terms of your own experience.19800:31:03.870 --> 00:31:13.080Devin and Morgana: Was there a moment like in the own like whether it was before publication or after publication, where it was like hey you read it and it's like, Okay, this is me and I'm good.19900:31:14.160 --> 00:31:15.810Devin and Morgana: Well, it's one of the chasms20000:31:15.870 --> 00:31:25.740Rhonda Britten: Yeah. Well, it's interesting that you say that because I also brought the book and gave it to my sisters because remember this is an event that happened all three of us, even though they didn't witness it.20100:31:26.130 --> 00:31:35.670Rhonda Britten: It was their father and mother to right. So one of the things I did before I gave the final version of the publisher was asked my sisters to read it. And could they stand by it.20200:31:36.180 --> 00:31:44.430Rhonda Britten: Because the last thing I wanted was my sister's a goal that's not what happened you know and and and and actually is the only time. Think about this.20300:31:45.210 --> 00:31:55.260Rhonda Britten: It is the only time my sisters and I have talked about my parents death. Whoa. The only time was when I had them read the chapter because we were all together for somebody's birthday.20400:31:55.590 --> 00:32:04.740Rhonda Britten: And so all three of us were in the same room. They just read it, they all came back to the kitchen and we're talking about it and I asked them, are you okay and he changes. What do you think, and both of them said20500:32:07.350 --> 00:32:20.370Rhonda Britten: Shockingly, to be honest, this is your experience and we're okay with you know I'm okay with it and others have said, I'm okay with it. And, you know, this is what you went through and that was huge. That was huge.20600:32:21.780 --> 00:32:31.500Rhonda Britten: And the writing process. And if you went through this. But, you know, at the very end when you're writing all the final edits you know the the red line all the edits. Right.20700:32:31.950 --> 00:32:47.490Rhonda Britten: Um, I would one version like one. You know, like, one time I'm reading I'm like this is the greatest in the history of the world. Right. And then the next time I'd read it, I'd be like this.20800:32:50.790 --> 00:32:56.460Rhonda Britten: World. So I went through that. Like one minute hating it one minute loving it. One minute hating it one minute loving it.20900:32:56.970 --> 00:33:04.050Rhonda Britten: And I'd already been speaking and already been on Oprah. By this time, so I'd already had some of those moments so21000:33:04.740 --> 00:33:22.410Rhonda Britten: When I got that hardcopy, I think, is when the, like, holy crap and then they sent me on book tour so I you know I'm in 35 cities across the country go to England, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, all over the world for my book. And that was21100:33:24.240 --> 00:33:39.390Rhonda Britten: Like, holy crap people wanted to hear what I had to say. And they came to a book reading with me, you know, just all those moments just all those moments is taking them in and going yes Rhonda. Yes, yes. Rhonda. Yes, you know, and21200:33:40.980 --> 00:33:45.600Rhonda Britten: So yeah, I think that getting that hardcover was a huge in the mail was one of my21300:33:46.650 --> 00:33:47.340chasms21400:33:49.200 --> 00:33:54.690Devin and Morgana: So let's shift to another book and another topic fearless loving what brought that around.21500:33:56.100 --> 00:34:03.330Rhonda Britten: Well, I'm fearless loving was I knew that I wanted to write that Mac so fearless. So I got a book deal21600:34:03.810 --> 00:34:15.870Rhonda Britten: With Penguin and then immediately upon. I don't even know if I think must have published it. Maybe I maybe I can't remember they offered me a second book deal right away or what but then we got the second deal and I knew I want to try it about love.21700:34:17.070 --> 00:34:29.730Rhonda Britten: But as I'm sure you're experiencing Devon, the second book. You know how they say like the second album, the second book. It's like, yay. This was great. This was a winner. Yay. Right. And now it's like crap. Can I21800:34:30.870 --> 00:34:39.030Rhonda Britten: Can I do it again. Like, what the heck. So fearless loving was actually an artist. It was harder to write because it wasn't necessarily harder to write21900:34:39.660 --> 00:34:51.060Rhonda Britten: But it was almost on some level scarier to write because I'd already had success with fearless living and it becomes that expectation right and so22000:34:51.630 --> 00:35:00.060Rhonda Britten: So fearless loving was definitely the next book I wanted to write because I wanted to talk about love, because it's fear or love right there's only two emotions when you get down to this fear in love.22100:35:00.480 --> 00:35:12.810Rhonda Britten: So fearless living is all about breaking down how fear works. Of course, we talked about love in there but I needed one and wanted one devoted to the act and art of love, because that is really truly when you get down to it, the solution to fear.22200:35:15.510 --> 00:35:21.300Devin and Morgana: Everything every you know i people think I coach money.22300:35:22.950 --> 00:35:33.420Devin and Morgana: Money is just to stand in for like a mirror of whether we feel loved by the universe, whether we feel worthy whether we feel good enough.22400:35:34.770 --> 00:35:43.710Devin and Morgana: And these are all love issues. It's money. It's just like a kind of painful measuring stick for our feelings of being loved22500:35:43.980 --> 00:35:45.720Rhonda Britten: Yes, that's beautiful.22600:35:46.530 --> 00:35:47.070Um,22700:35:48.180 --> 00:35:49.020Devin and Morgana: So,22800:35:50.100 --> 00:35:53.310Devin and Morgana: How does fearless loving22900:35:54.690 --> 00:35:56.940Devin and Morgana: Relate to romance.23000:35:58.020 --> 00:36:03.330Rhonda Britten: Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Well, the first word that comes to my mind is vulnerability. Right.23100:36:05.130 --> 00:36:09.090Rhonda Britten: I mean, you know, preaching that I'm talking to the choir, now it's like23200:36:10.770 --> 00:36:19.770Rhonda Britten: In order to experience. Love you must be vulnerable. And so when I gave my book tour and spoke all over all over with fearless loving, I would say things like23300:36:20.400 --> 00:36:33.720Rhonda Britten: Are you willing to love yourself more than be loved by another. Are you willing to change yourself more than be cherished by another. Are you willing to be devoted yourself more than be devoted to another right by another and so many people23400:36:34.500 --> 00:36:45.030Rhonda Britten: Think that being loved by somebody else will make them feel love inside. And of course, you know, we all know here that that's actually not the recipe for success. Right, so23500:36:45.420 --> 00:36:53.460Rhonda Britten: You know when I would say things like, are you willing to cherish yourself more than be cherished by somebody else it would blow their mind like they couldn't even comprehend.23600:36:54.000 --> 00:37:02.640Rhonda Britten: That they would cherish themselves that much and you know one of the things that I know is that our willingness to be vulnerable.23700:37:03.630 --> 00:37:15.690Rhonda Britten: takes great courage. Right. And so we must practice facing our fear and being okay with our fear and and loving ourselves through our fear in order to actually experience the love that is23800:37:16.230 --> 00:37:25.200Rhonda Britten: Our destiny. The love of ourselves. The love of others love from our students, our fans, our friends or our co workers, etc. They from the universe from source.23900:37:27.150 --> 00:37:34.350Devin and Morgana: I had the weirdest experience with Devon, about six months into the relationship and it's going really, really well. And I've never24000:37:34.890 --> 00:37:48.180Devin and Morgana: Been in such a great relationship with such a loving guy. And it was like these big bubbles of self loathing started to rise up out of nowhere, that I didn't know that I had24100:37:48.360 --> 00:37:51.510Rhonda Britten: Yes, yes, it's a wonderful cleansing, isn't it.24200:37:51.720 --> 00:38:00.150Rhonda Britten: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, it's so beautiful that you say that because I think that's it's almost like that's what we, we have to say that right, we have to say like24300:38:00.630 --> 00:38:06.690Rhonda Britten: Oh, by the way, when you feel really loved for the first time, all your shits gonna hit the fan. Right.24400:38:07.260 --> 00:38:18.330Rhonda Britten: Like all of its coming up to be healed. All that's coming out to get released all of its coming up for you to look at and go, I love you too, so that you can really truly receive love from another. So I24500:38:18.720 --> 00:38:24.750Rhonda Britten: I love that you said that because that experience is so precious and so divine and so24600:38:26.550 --> 00:38:28.020Rhonda Britten: So Rich Right.24700:38:28.320 --> 00:38:44.160Devin and Morgana: Yeah, I think what I think what you're both describing i i i completely agree. And I kind of look at it in a slightly different ways that you know what you were describing, by the way, was totally made was like, this is the greatest I'm a genius. I'm writing and writing and 330 in the morning.24800:38:44.400 --> 00:38:48.690Devin and Morgana: I'm the genius. This is the most incredible book, people will be rolling up24900:38:48.750 --> 00:38:58.590Devin and Morgana: Robes for me and giving me tapes and you know all of that stuff, or I'm reading the same paragraph, an hour and a half later going this is this is25000:38:58.830 --> 00:38:59.910Rhonda Britten: Tragic crap.25100:38:59.940 --> 00:39:07.290Devin and Morgana: I'm the worst human being. And this is a humiliating and everyone's going to know this deep seated, you know, it's25200:39:07.830 --> 00:39:21.660Devin and Morgana: A true embarrassment. And so I think, really, a lot of it is like whether I am up here or down here. They're both sort of the same sort of reaction like it's almost like coming from nothing in particular.25300:39:21.990 --> 00:39:23.880Devin and Morgana: And for me, a lot of it comes to25400:39:24.210 --> 00:39:34.560Devin and Morgana: Comes down to I have to start being conscious about where my feeling is at any one point or another, and others, I have to kind of go, whether I'm up here because being appears. Great. It's euphoric.25500:39:34.800 --> 00:39:43.980Devin and Morgana: But it's a little nonsensical. Most of the time. And when I'm down here, I have to do the similar kind of thing, which is like, wait, wait. What is this even me.25600:39:44.430 --> 00:39:55.530Devin and Morgana: And more often than not it's like it's that stabilizing right. Really what it is is I'm actually a pretty great guy, but I'm not the greatest guy in the history of North America, either.25700:39:57.390 --> 00:40:05.550Devin and Morgana: Maybe I could take a deep cleansing breath have a snow cone and go call somebody I love and tell them. I love them and sort of25800:40:06.570 --> 00:40:07.710Devin and Morgana: Kind of regroup so25900:40:07.800 --> 00:40:08.460Devin and Morgana: I think part26000:40:08.670 --> 00:40:13.290Devin and Morgana: For me, has to do with sort of like my reactive nature versus my conscious nature.26100:40:13.590 --> 00:40:15.360Devin and Morgana: Because those two other things are the things that26200:40:15.360 --> 00:40:16.890Devin and Morgana: Just show up out of the blue.26300:40:17.070 --> 00:40:17.760And those are26400:40:19.350 --> 00:40:35.940Devin and Morgana: You. This is actually a wonderful segue. My love to participate. You have a chapter called feelings lie and love that that concept. Can you talk about that. What do you mean by feeling fly.26500:40:36.120 --> 00:40:48.030Rhonda Britten: Yeah, I think, I think our society, especially in the personal development world self help world spiritual world we're all caught up in the feeling right we're caught up to you hear feeling tone. You know, you hear26600:40:49.170 --> 00:40:56.310Rhonda Britten: Feelings attention to your feelings, your feelings guide you. Right. But when you're driven by fear. You also have feelings.26700:40:56.940 --> 00:41:04.680Rhonda Britten: Right. And those feelings. I was just talking to clients. Today I had three clients session today. And all three of them. Literally, this is our conversation today.26800:41:05.250 --> 00:41:11.490Rhonda Britten: Is, you know, they feel like they don't know which feeling to believe right they don't like.26900:41:12.030 --> 00:41:23.040Rhonda Britten: Like, they've been taught, like, oh, if I'm sad, it must mean I'm sad, it must mean that I must do something that now that because I'm sad right or I'm angry. I'm a horrible person. Cuz I'm angry right so they have a feeling27000:41:23.430 --> 00:41:26.130Rhonda Britten: And they actually believe that feeling is who they are.27100:41:26.670 --> 00:41:34.890Rhonda Britten: You know, like, Devon said just a minute ago. It's just, it's just a feeling that's moving through you, just like we're talking about in meditation about thoughts moving through you feelings move through you.27200:41:35.370 --> 00:41:41.310Rhonda Britten: So a lot of times when people have a thought. And then they have the feeling that feeling is27300:41:42.540 --> 00:41:49.320Rhonda Britten: A lot. A lot. It's like lying about that thought it's lying about that belief. It's a line about the situation, it's lying about it.27400:41:49.770 --> 00:41:58.050Rhonda Britten: So you're not actually seeing with clarity and then you take the thought and you take that feeling. And you go and you run with it right, especially when you're27500:41:58.500 --> 00:42:09.540Rhonda Britten: Especially, it's really confusing when you're first starting on this journey or when you're in a place in this journey where you're really trying to go over that chasm as Devon said, You know, I just really jump over27600:42:10.080 --> 00:42:17.040Rhonda Britten: Or, or, you know, go down and and curl back up. But when you're doing that. It's like it gets very confusing. What's the truth. And what's a lie.27700:42:17.970 --> 00:42:29.220Rhonda Britten: And a lot of people saying their thoughts are the bad things and their feelings are the true things and that's not actually true when I when I always say that every feeling can be driven by fear of freedom.27800:42:29.670 --> 00:42:38.220Rhonda Britten: Right, every feeling even loves right so people say well it's fear a lot and I go, Yes, as we talked about earlier. Of course it's fear in love. Yet most people's27900:42:38.670 --> 00:42:49.140Rhonda Britten: Love is actually driven by fear. So the feelings they have about love, or how they view love or how they see love etc is actually fear driven28000:42:49.620 --> 00:42:59.370Rhonda Britten: And therefore those feelings attached to those feelings feelings of fear to to love are actually not necessarily the ones you want to follow.28100:43:00.000 --> 00:43:08.730Rhonda Britten: So, you know, every I believe every feeling, every belief, you know, everything is, you know, every value can be served to by fear of freedom.28200:43:09.150 --> 00:43:21.120Rhonda Britten: So I want people to even know what love how love can be used in service to fear which is we know people pleasing you know i i thought i was very loving. I thought it was the most amazing girlfriend in the whole world.28300:43:21.480 --> 00:43:28.950Rhonda Britten: You know, when I was an alcoholic. You know, I thought it was a man that was so loving. But what I didn't, I didn't put boundaries up. I didn't know how to say no.28400:43:29.730 --> 00:43:37.410Rhonda Britten: I, you know, didn't know what to say yes to I sacrifice myself because I grew up with sacrifices love28500:43:38.190 --> 00:43:47.970Rhonda Britten: So I think a lot of people report you know think love and people pleasing equal each other, love and sacrifice equal each other, you know, love and giving of yourself equal each other.28600:43:48.210 --> 00:43:53.970Rhonda Britten: Now again, all of those aspects are as we know there's healthy aspects to that. But most of us, and most of the people that come to me.28700:43:54.390 --> 00:44:02.460Rhonda Britten: And I'm sure you've experienced this as well. The two of you is that they've got it all confused. So when people feel so certainly have a particular feeling28800:44:03.300 --> 00:44:10.620Rhonda Britten: We have to put it through a different filter in order to give them a a clear perception of where that feeling is being driven from28900:44:10.950 --> 00:44:16.830Rhonda Britten: And do they want to act on that feeling. Do they want to enhance that feeling. Do they want to, you know, kind of29000:44:17.370 --> 00:44:30.330Rhonda Britten: stoke that feeling or does that feeling is that just feeling giving them information about what they're going through what they're scared of etc, etc, etc. So yeah, I mean people who talk about like follow the feelings. I'm like,29100:44:32.730 --> 00:44:43.470Rhonda Britten: Dog do expect in the beginning, but again, once you get clear yeah feelings are awesome and follow it. Sure, absolutely. But for most people, most of the time your feelings are not a great barometer.29200:44:47.790 --> 00:45:03.600Devin and Morgana: What are, by the way. Oh, there's something he said that just made me think that you can't, especially the the thing that you said about not saying no, because I here we we grew up in our own chaotic castles. It's like miraculous that we have a healthy relationship.29300:45:05.250 --> 00:45:17.490Devin and Morgana: But the ability to say no when you grow up without boundaries can feel crushing and it can also feel terrifying. Yes. Yeah, but you can't say yes. If you can't say no, that's not that's not a yes.29400:45:17.550 --> 00:45:18.120Rhonda Britten: That's right.29500:45:19.230 --> 00:45:21.810Rhonda Britten: As, as I say, I think one of the, one of my chapters in29600:45:22.860 --> 00:45:25.410Rhonda Britten: Fearless loving is your yes means nothing. If you can say no.29700:45:25.740 --> 00:45:26.640Devin and Morgana: Oh, there you go.29800:45:27.240 --> 00:45:34.110Rhonda Britten: So, right. So yeah, we're on the same track right like you're yes means nothing like people think they're yes is like, look, I'm giving you my yes, it isn't this precious like29900:45:34.410 --> 00:45:51.360Rhonda Britten: Know if you can say yes and no to the same thing. You're yes means nothing. You're not truly giving a yes you're giving a yes out of. I have to, or else they won't like me, I have to, or I'm not going to be a good person. I have to. So that's not an actual. Yes. Right.30000:45:51.720 --> 00:46:02.550Devin and Morgana: Yeah, no, there's this there's this idea that the way I've always looked at it as that it's very easy to kind of talk about love in terms of that.30100:46:03.060 --> 00:46:18.360Devin and Morgana: That yes just jump in with both feet. Part of it has to do for me. Anyways, sort of like the motivation of why I'm shooting for the yes and sometimes I've said I love you, not because I want somebody to hear it, but really I'm hoping they're going to say it.30200:46:18.390 --> 00:46:30.570Devin and Morgana: Back to mine so I'm then validated by it. Another example that I've talked about many times is that, you know, there was a point where I'd be pushing my daughter when she was tiny in the supermarket.30300:46:30.870 --> 00:46:38.070Devin and Morgana: Down the cookie aisle and she would see the clowns with the, you know, with the raspberry sprinkles on them. And she go crazy.30400:46:38.550 --> 00:46:47.340Devin and Morgana: Right. And as the Father. I'm already running through my head of all the moments of her being hopped up on sugar that I'm going to be displeased by it.30500:46:48.150 --> 00:46:57.120Devin and Morgana: However, at some point, not always, but some points I would cave and I would hand her the cookies with sort of like, Oh, I love you.30600:46:57.750 --> 00:47:10.320Devin and Morgana: And really what I'm feeling and I am even thinking I might be thinking I might have even been feeling love but really when we get to the motivation of why those things were taking place. It's because I just wanted her to shut up.30700:47:10.500 --> 00:47:11.130Rhonda Britten: That's right.30800:47:11.490 --> 00:47:22.620Devin and Morgana: And that that's not that's not love. That's the fear. Yeah, that's the part where it's sort of like the negotiation, rather than what love is supposed to be about30900:47:22.740 --> 00:47:29.250Rhonda Britten: Wow, the rationalization of, oh, I don't have to look at myself too closely because aren't I doing a loving thing and31000:47:29.670 --> 00:47:42.780Rhonda Britten: You know, I grew up in a family and environment of self sacrifice so and and we didn't have feelings like there were no feelings you didn't feel and you and I mean, I never remember a conversation with my parents.31100:47:44.190 --> 00:47:51.420Rhonda Britten: Ever besides like what are we having for dinner, like our family didn't talk about things. We didn't have family discussions.31200:47:51.900 --> 00:48:03.030Rhonda Britten: You didn't feel anything. Um, you weren't I wasn't allowed to be proud of myself if I, you know, got an A, because I don't want my sisters feel bad. You know, it was always about31300:48:05.460 --> 00:48:15.780Rhonda Britten: You know making everybody else. Okay, and you have to sacrifice in order to be of service to everybody else. And again, I have no problem with the service mentality. I love service.31400:48:16.350 --> 00:48:31.530Rhonda Britten: Yet, if you're not actually showing up as you're saying, you know, as a willing and a yes participant, then you're not really showing up as a yes. Right, your motivation is again like you're saying, Devon about I don't want to hurt anybody. Rather than I want to actually stand and say yes.31500:48:32.970 --> 00:48:43.920Devin and Morgana: It's it's a it's a fascinating concept to really wrestle with, because I think what's happened is, and this is and I think this comes across in almost anything, anything that we do.31600:48:44.190 --> 00:48:52.500Devin and Morgana: Any community that we're a part of any religion that we may believe in has some component to it where there's sort of like an abject good31700:48:53.160 --> 00:49:07.620Devin and Morgana: And if we do the abject good then there's just the rewards. So what ends up happening is, while the goodness may or may not exist we align ourselves up with this thing in and almost, almost sort of like I have to do this because it's good.31800:49:07.950 --> 00:49:10.620Devin and Morgana: Or I have to do this to avoid the bad31900:49:10.740 --> 00:49:11.910Rhonda Britten: Yes, yes.32000:49:12.060 --> 00:49:15.270Devin and Morgana: And it's a very, it's a very tricky thing because what ends up happening is32100:49:15.630 --> 00:49:33.660Devin and Morgana: We as sort of like we want to promote ourselves as good or we want to align ourselves with good are these ideas, whether we understand them or not or whether we've stopped to go, geez. Am I actually helping a circumstance or am I actually being a detriment in this mindset of of my goodness.32200:49:34.170 --> 00:49:34.920Devin and Morgana: Yeah, love.32300:49:35.070 --> 00:49:46.590Rhonda Britten: And that goodness you know you're not as we all know, here it's, you know, I was talking to one client today. And she goes, you know, I get so I said, what did you get from this session, you know, and she goes,32400:49:47.430 --> 00:49:51.480Rhonda Britten: I don't include myself in my own life. And I said, yeah, you don't include yourself in your own life.32500:49:52.050 --> 00:50:01.260Rhonda Britten: So all these people at the concepts of good as you're saying, Devon, you know, aren't even in even even self reflection of actually even including themselves in the decision. There's, there is no32600:50:02.040 --> 00:50:16.440Rhonda Britten: self reflection right there is no haha. Is this good for me. Hmm, does this work for me. Haha. That's what I want to do. Uh huh. There is no conversation. It's just that concept is idolized I know that's how I grew up that concept is idolized and therefore, you have to live the concept32700:50:16.920 --> 00:50:22.980Rhonda Britten: The challenges is that when that concept is too tight around your neck and you're suffocating32800:50:24.150 --> 00:50:35.760Devin and Morgana: Right. Absolutely. We're getting close to the end. So I want to drop a ginormous topic and your laugh Um, and it relates to the know because32900:50:36.330 --> 00:50:51.870Devin and Morgana: I find from my own experience when I am not okay, saying, no, I'm also not okay with other people saying no, because like I assume we're on the same rule book of you're not allowed to say no. And that comes to the notion of rejection.33000:50:52.980 --> 00:51:01.470Devin and Morgana: And I think that's the biggest conscious fear that anybody has in love. So I know you address that.33100:51:02.310 --> 00:51:07.230Rhonda Britten: I do i i i i always say that rejection can be your superpower. Right.33200:51:08.100 --> 00:51:16.860Rhonda Britten: Because rejection is just, you know, of course, it's exactly what we're talking about rejection is I'm putting your opinion of me before my own right.33300:51:17.520 --> 00:51:26.430Rhonda Britten: Your opinion of me matters more. And therefore, if you say no. That is a reflection of me that must mean I'm wrong, or I'm bad33400:51:27.090 --> 00:51:31.590Rhonda Britten: Right. So the other thing about rejection is we're also when we have that fear of rejection.33500:51:32.580 --> 00:51:36.180Rhonda Britten: We're, we're also not knowing where we end and the other person begins.33600:51:36.570 --> 00:51:48.270Rhonda Britten: You know, one of the things I always tell my share with my clients is I want you to create a space between you and another human being and there is a space between YouTube and I want you to know where you end in the other person begins and when33700:51:49.350 --> 00:51:57.900Rhonda Britten: Without fear of rejection comes up. It doesn't feel that way. We just take it all on right we just, it's me. I'm I'm wrong. I'm at fault. This, it must be me, they're rejecting me33800:51:58.230 --> 00:52:07.740Rhonda Britten: Instead of like, Um, no. They just said, know that you know we have to make up a meeting to make life makes sense. We make up meanings make up stories, right.33900:52:08.070 --> 00:52:12.330Rhonda Britten: And so when we get rejected we make up stories and meetings. And again, most people blame themselves.34000:52:12.990 --> 00:52:19.200Rhonda Britten: You know, especially if you're conscious and awake and want to be a good person, you're totally going to blame yourself.34100:52:19.770 --> 00:52:25.830Rhonda Britten: And it blaming yourself in that moment is a form of self control because if I can blame myself.34200:52:26.370 --> 00:52:33.510Rhonda Britten: If you reject me and I can blame myself, then I can do something about it. And I can become better and I can do it different. And then I won't get rejected next time.34300:52:33.840 --> 00:52:39.540Rhonda Britten: But as you and I know rejection is the sweetness of life. It's the bitter, bitter, sweet of not life.34400:52:40.200 --> 00:52:48.930Rhonda Britten: And without rejection. We don't know where edges without without rejection. We don't know how to take risk without rejection. We don't know where we end another begins without rejection34500:52:49.230 --> 00:53:02.820Rhonda Britten: And that willingness to take that risk. We don't actually know where we stand. So you know rejection is is a practice, you know, by taking risks, taking a risk, obviously there's going to be a taste of rejection in there.34600:53:03.840 --> 00:53:17.970Rhonda Britten: The risk has to the action of the risk has to be more valuable than the fear of the rejection, right, and where you end another begin. So I think rejection, it stops. So many people from a34700:53:19.320 --> 00:53:22.200Rhonda Britten: Dating from saying yes to love.34800:53:23.220 --> 00:53:33.990Rhonda Britten: Yes to, you know, forming a home together to form a family, etc, etc. And, you know, usually that rejection just comes from a again. We all know a false belief.34900:53:34.440 --> 00:53:40.230Rhonda Britten: In thinking that there is something wrong that they have to hide. So again, going back to the very first topic we talked about, which is vulnerability35000:53:41.130 --> 00:53:48.720Rhonda Britten: You know vulnerability cures fear of rejection. Because if you're willing to be vulnerable and be honest and have yourself and give yourself compassion.35100:53:50.940 --> 00:54:02.280Rhonda Britten: Doesn't mean rejection won't hurt but rejection won't have the same bitterness, it'll just have the bitter sweetness. Right. It'll be a bummer. But it's like, Okay, got it. You'll be able to surrender to it and move on.35200:54:03.000 --> 00:54:12.420Devin and Morgana: So, so with that said you to go loop back to our beginning where we're giving out gold stars right for are the things that we did that are good.35300:54:13.260 --> 00:54:23.730Devin and Morgana: What might you suggest to somebody who is in fact paralyzed by some notion of rejection. I can't, I can't go online, because it's terrifying. Or what if nobody likes me war.35400:54:23.940 --> 00:54:29.970Devin and Morgana: You, you get the whole picture. Is there something that you might suggest for a piece of advice for somebody who's struggling with this.35500:54:30.030 --> 00:54:37.140Rhonda Britten: Yeah, I have a couple things. The first thing that comes through is a version of my star exercise and it's called in the world of fearless living. It's called acknowledgments.35600:54:37.620 --> 00:54:43.530Rhonda Britten: And as today, I acknowledge myself for because if you blame yourself IE in rejection. You think it's your fault.35700:54:43.980 --> 00:54:54.360Rhonda Britten: Rejection doing acknowledgments will be very difficult because acknowledgments are actually giving yourself credit for any moving forward any new insight any new a hot any movement, any tiny like a35800:54:55.380 --> 00:55:01.140Rhonda Britten: Willingness you know you complain 100 times yesterday and complain 99 today you acknowledge yourself right35900:55:01.770 --> 00:55:13.350Rhonda Britten: But people who are afraid of rejection. The people that you know as we're describing, they go all or nothing like I'm a bad person. I'm a good person right I'm perfect on flawed right we get into that black and white thinking36000:55:13.470 --> 00:55:14.760Devin and Morgana: I'm the greatest writer.36100:55:14.910 --> 00:55:16.080Rhonda Britten: I'm the greatest writer.36200:55:16.110 --> 00:55:17.730Rhonda Britten: Or I'm the worst right36300:55:17.820 --> 00:55:19.050Devin and Morgana: These are the gray.36400:55:19.200 --> 00:55:26.220Rhonda Britten: Right. Right. And right gray. I mean, on the show, starting over. I had a client and I actually kept the36500:55:27.330 --> 00:55:42.780Rhonda Britten: image that we wrote, and I had her write the word gray. Right. I had to write the word gray and then she put black and white. And we did this whole painting. And I said, see how the black and white, you know, just basically36600:55:44.220 --> 00:55:48.030Rhonda Britten: screw you up and living in the gray and most people are afraid of the gray.36700:55:48.510 --> 00:55:55.770Rhonda Britten: The gray is where life sweetness is light gray is where life happens Gray's where you have choice. Great. Where is your personal power great is the name36800:55:56.190 --> 00:56:02.370Rhonda Britten: So yes, I love gray so acknowledging yourself today acknowledge myself or any movement forward, no matter how small,36900:56:02.880 --> 00:56:12.780Rhonda Britten: Start separating yourself from your all or nothing thinking starts building yourself confidence up because like, Oh, I can do that, even if it's just for five seconds.37000:56:13.230 --> 00:56:22.710Rhonda Britten: Right, just starting to build that another exercise is actually just starting to physically start noticing where you end and the other person begins, like literally doing that.37100:56:23.130 --> 00:56:32.340Rhonda Britten: I asked my clients but their, their hand, you know, put their hand on your shoulder when you're next to somebody just as a reminder of like you stop here. You stop here.37200:56:33.420 --> 00:56:35.130Devin and Morgana: Stop right here. Yes.37300:56:38.400 --> 00:56:38.970Devin and Morgana: A body.37400:56:40.350 --> 00:56:43.920Devin and Morgana: I have my head like about three quarters across the Devon's body.37500:56:44.160 --> 00:56:55.350Devin and Morgana: So we're about to wrap up, I know you have for people who want to get to know you better and stay in relationship you have a free gift and we and you'll send me the link and we'll post it on the show. But do you want to describe it briefly.37600:56:55.380 --> 00:57:04.110Rhonda Britten: In like, oh, it's actually, it actually goes along with this action acknowledgement exercise. It's called stretch risk or die.37700:57:04.680 --> 00:57:15.030Rhonda Britten: And basically, I am going to shift what you think risk is. And I'm going to shift it basically cure procrastination and it basically shows you what actually is truly stopping you.37800:57:15.450 --> 00:57:21.300Rhonda Britten: And how to move past it. So it's a really quick. It's 45 minutes 315 minute videos.37900:57:22.230 --> 00:57:39.660Rhonda Britten: And please go and get it. It's got worksheets. It's got love worksheets. It's got finance worksheets and you're going to start seeing how. Oh, that's why I do that. Oh, that's why I do. Okay. And you're going to start being able to quickly. And in fact, build your self esteem.38000:57:40.350 --> 00:57:52.920Devin and Morgana: Got about 10 seconds. What a great way to start the year period with that frame of stretch risk or die. I think that's a, that's a really powerful way to start 202138100:57:53.430 --> 00:58:10.860Devin and Morgana: So this is, I think, the end of our show. Crazy Sexy midlife love we are here every Wednesday at 5pm. Thank you so much. Rhonda. You were spectacular and I love you and we'll see each other in person. As soon as this pandemic is over.38200:58:12.270 --> 00:58:15.570Devin and Morgana: A tune in next week, Wednesday 5pm Pacific38300:58:30.930 --> 00:58:41.580Thank you for listening to Crazy Sexy midlife love please sign up to join our free love family at Crazy Sexy midlife love.com38400:58:42.090 --> 00:59:07.980To get alerts for live shows call in and ask questions or just listen in. And ladies. Don't forget to download Devon's free ebook women are smarter than men and other secrets marriage minded women need to know. Also available at Crazy Sexy midlife love.com38500:59:18.030 --> 00:59:20.040Devin and Morgana: Oh, thank you.38600:59:20.550 --> 00:59:25.800Rhonda Britten: You're welcome. Thanks for letting me talk a mile a minute. Thank you for being so generous with your time. I really appreciate it.38700:59:25.860 --> 00:59:30.270Devin and Morgana: Oh, I love you. You were wonderful all really really great content.38800:59:30.480 --> 00:59:33.060Rhonda Britten: Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you. I was trying to get a thank you and then I'll38900:59:35.400 --> 00:59:37.980Guest Speaker: Leave the meeting, but everyone wonderful job.39000:59:38.760 --> 00:59:39.270Rhonda Britten: Thank you.39100:59:41.460 --> 00:59:41.910Rhonda Britten: Thank you.39200:59:42.270 --> 00:59:44.940Devin and Morgana: Love you. Love you, bye. Thank you for having me on.