welcome to the bring intimacy back show where is real on this show we believe that intimately connecting with yourself your significant other children family business Network community and your higher power can elevate your life to work towards a positive future that's we explore intimate topic inspiring life stories spiritually and insightful tips on strengthening relationship this show is hosted by dr. April a Florida licensed mental health counselor relationship and intimacy therapist board certified telemental health counselor National Certified counselor and a certified sex therapist she is the owner of vacation counseling and Cape Coral therapist and the creator of the internet connections newsletter for more information about dr. April services and the bring intimacy back show please visit bring intimacy back. Com check out tasks shows on Apple ID

Spotify YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcast now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April welcome to the show me is real well I hope all you guys out there are doing okay today and I think you guys been listening app for tuning into this shell today or today I'm I'm going to talk with a therapist that I've seen develop and grow and created something very very special is also a great topic that we should be kind of talking about today the day of Justice at him he's out one of my campus you bilingual and she's the owner of Resort Hotel Play Welcome Jessica thank you dr. brown I'm very happy to be able to

going in with you to see if this type of conversation

yeah do I conversation today is going to focus on immigrant families navigating through relationships so as we all must know that you know in this time this year 2020 navigating through relationships and how the world is going is very very been very different and complicated in that kind of stuff and so I want to tell you a little bit about Jessica cuz Jessica's going to a tell us about her experience and he's going to help us immigration and how

Majestic on she's coming to so imma just come back and I think was how long was Jessica yea yes and sell Jessica has a passion of course with counseling she actually came back tomorrow but it wasn't a lot of Glee that you were thinking of doing in my LG phone is passing in and counseling and she has her Masters Ashley from the great University of Central Florida and you were working with her she's created a wonderful program and helping counselors are helping counselors and people go through immigration counseling yeah so welcome Jessica

thank you thank you so I'm first I know this year has been a little

so truthfully I believe it's been difficult for all of us despite the fact that may be a therapist have been trained to utilize certain tools to help us navigate through difficult relationships but as I always tell my own clients that we're the best at giving advice in the area that we should control with sometime so for me it's been it was very difficult to just stop because it's especially when you have a profession like ours to just be down to go go go go so learning to be mindful and be present with something that definitely I have had to learn and just be able to appreciate the small things in life and appreciate time with family and eat together

yeah definitely I think it's helped us made us more grateful and all day you know experiences in life and stuff and I know today's topic is about immigration which is a serious topic so I'm curious can you explain to the audience even your own experience and I believe you're the second generation

correct I am second generation yes yes yes cuz I said thinking about immigration and stuff in the times that we had can you explain from your background the experience and I didn't even have that even help you become a counselor

so for me specifically I always knew that I wanted to be able to help others and when you went initially I was going into law I wanted to do family law thinking that that was the way that I would get it but along the way through my own personal experiences of realizing that I desire to be able to provide more of a community of support to those that were really a need especially in the Latino Community or Latin X Community I I realized that immigration Council will definitely a great neck and I remember us actually having this conversation a few years back where you had mentioned to me I have no clue what immigration counseling wasn't and you had told me you had to just make it something I look into because there was such a great deed and that's always been something that I've always been talking about she's feeling in those gas and so through immigration

I had personal experiences that I could share and I can connect with my own clients so even though my my family specifically will my family my parents by the time I I was born and I came into this world they had my dad specifically had his documentation and his residency but I did have close friends and I had former relationships where that was a reality for them and just being able to see the stress and see the effects that that played Natalie on their own emotional mental health but also on their family the family system was something that really caught my attention and I was definitely happy that I was able to provide a service to those individuals and give part of the process of being able to find and feel some sort of Hope after

navigate through this uncertainty for so many years do for me is being able to connect with the client and be able to provide them with a extensive psychological evaluation to determine the effect that not only the circumstances has had on their lives and their families Life Is But as well as triggers that have come up as a result of this this case of a lot of these individuals have their own personal struggles and traumas from past experiences that are not even related and so that's a big thing is being able to have those conversations and really assess where they're at and

the importance of them being able to have the opportunity to be able to establish themselves here in the in the US one of the words that describe in this was hope yes yeah yeah and I know that your practice is called when you feel like your purposes or what is those words mean to you do for me personally I've always so I am what's gotten me through my purse my face and so through my face I've always held on to this one specific verse that says for I know the plans I have for you says the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you want to give you a hope and a future fight Jeremiah yes I have always felt that

being able to connect through my faith has brought me hope and it's important I feel that through this journey of self healing and being able to grow to be able to establish and hold onto hope because oftentimes with individuals are at a at a breaking point that who is lost needs to self destroy his behaviors then and then what am I thinking in 2020 through a lot of things that are happening people are losing hope

11 practice the virus and other political stuff and then I'm thinking if you're in an immigrant harder for you the fears are a lot more exasperated exasperated as a result of just the uncertainty so there's always been and now they're having to confront the reality and ends of the most difficult aspect of it is the effect that it's not only having on the individual that may be undocumented but as well as the families and the children specifically that are having to go through through the uncertainty as well and just wondering if tomorrow their parents going to be home or not and so that's a big big strong one that creates a lot of even more detrimental psychological effects on individuals

like what do you mean that there's there's kids out there that have one drink my feelings to my parents are they going to come home how scary that made maybe reality I remember one of my first clients that I had with immigration counseling it was a father or father or husband I was trying to get on the waiver for his wife to be able to be allowed back because the mother had been detained and was sent back to her home country and it has been two years since the mother had been the children the last time the children have seen the mother was on their way to school and the children were nine I believe it's 9 and 12 years old and so that that that had happened and 10 so. And it sells you know it's something that it is a reality for these for these children

what's going to happen with immigration some people think well I just get an immigration lawyer and deal with it

what would cause someone to think about getting a therapist also for therapy at some point the attorneys actually have been have been educated to realize the impact that an individual's emotional mental health so often times the the way I connect with other individuals our clients is through attorney referral days and so the attorney will realize that there's something in there that has been traumatic and and or there are experiencing severe emotional distress at the moment and they recommend a psychological evaluation to be able to provide for their support towards their case and so what I tell individuals when they call in is that this is an opportunity for them to be able to not just be enough

case number before the court but an opportunity to have a voice and be able to express themselves and really share their story

wow okay so if Vibes way for an individual like you said just not to be number to tell her their story and how the part of it maybe being deported that truly affects the whole family which is phenomenal what you doing and how is helping the community in that aspect so we're going to take a short break now but when we come back I really want to get into the meat that I need them bones of this how it really affects family and if people out there listening how they can get their know about what you do when we come back we'll talk more about immigration family navigate Natsu relationship secure certain time if so don't your April a licensed mental health counselor and relationship and sex therapist who specializes in intimacy can help you when are you are in need of inside and

to work through a struggling relationship through couple counseling or to understand your anxiety or depression and individual counseling or to figure out your life goals and coaching for April compassion and expertise can assist you in these areas also she provides services for emotional support animal documentation supervision and workshop in addition dr. April has a group practice called Cape Coral therapist Cape Coral therapist has an awesome team of male and female mental health therapists who specialize in various areas including mental health Christian Counseling trauma addiction immigration and forth counseling and are ready to serve you the Cape Coral therapist team which is rated 5-star on Google reviews is known as the Dream Team because of their energy and passion for therapy and determination to provide you with effective and solution-focused counseling for you and your family in a safe and

confidential environment for more information on how you can schedule an appointment in person or virtually with dr. April or any of the therapist at Cape Coral therapist please call 239-565-6921 and you are welcome to visit Doctor April's website ww.w. Dr. April braun.com and www. Cape Coral. Com you can follow dr. April on LinkedIn at dr. April Brown you can follow Cape Coral therapist on Facebook at Cape Coral therapy just remember Dr April and her team of therapist and resources can help you strengthen your intimate connections with yourself your loved ones your community and your higher power

a welcome back to the bring an intimate seashell where intimacy is real and today was talking about immigrant families and navigating to this relationship with Jessica and she's one of ours are bilingual counselors and he is the owner of restoring Hope Counseling and so Jessica what is some of these social factors in dealing with individuals with on that is dealing with the immigration and how it affects family

so when we look at social factors of immigrant families there are a lot of different components that play a role and depending on which family member we may be referring to but summarizing the biggest factors that I've come across has has been number one there's definitely a financial struggle because typically due to lack of legal documentation it's very difficult has become even more difficult to be able to find employment and to find job so there's usually either one parents in the school that's working or adult children are children they're having to support and maintain the family with other difficulties and obstacles especially the children are trying to finish up their high school education and so that is where a lot of the increase in Dropout rates also occur and that creates a lot of stress

diet and depression in in Children of immigrant families stressor that they have to pay take on and if they have no choice when they have no other choice but to be able to find the financial means to be able to pay for the services that I also see it's a generational acculturation and so what that is is that you're dealing with traditional families that going back into having to support family so you have the traditional view of of the children take care of their parents but yet at the same time you have children that also have recognized that there's a world of opportunity here in in Western culture and find themselves feeling a lot of guilt and a lot of

because they want to be out and do the follow their own drinks but they see their family values are still there of loyal family ties so that is a big thing is that he has a big component then you find yourself having a lot of parentified children children that feel the need to have to become the caretakers of their households or have no option especially if their parents parental figure does not know English language translation services so we have children that are translated social factors having to deal with a society or culture that

there are needing they have to meet their needs but at the same time there is there's a difficulty in breathing that gas for certain services and so the children become the school they're too cool to be able to help them navigate through doctors appointments do counselor I used to have a lot of children like you said do parents have to miss school just to get what they are. Some legal thing or whatever the case may be in here all this without information and feeling frustrated in that aspect and then also like you said also with the transition of like maybe sometimes I want to do this with my family unless my friends but supposed to be home taking care of my parents and how to adjust

not forget all that because that's just in time some and specially if you feel like you're the only Hispanic person going through that or real person or whatever the case may be a lot of loneliness in that yeah it's been there since I've been able to go to school because you're all inside cuz that makes a person and not being able to have that because they are feeling stuck in their own home because is there any some people might be listening saying about the child is unable to be a child that's fine you know you just throw up

definitely that's where we come we start coming across a lot of individuals that find them self escaping through other means so a lot of substances which is something that we see history that's a big prominent thing in our our society today a lot of adolescents that I work with that are using unhealthy coping mechanisms to escape their problems and so the problems are real and they're still there and we and tell others are individuals to get over it or just move on but it is important to confront these issues because at some point they're going to they're going to come back there's a lot of anxiety there's a lot of mental health. A lot of the minority groups are not really familiar eyes are aware of or educated with psychological or mental health factors

trees more stressed because they don't know why these why these symptoms are happening a lot of a lot of guilt in a lot of pain so there is definitely a very unhealthy relationships for these children growing up so I was reading on toxic stress which is another form of maybe not as intense of PTSD but it's lit it produces very similar effects where the individual develop the fight or flight response and is in constant survival mode it's just waiting for the other foot to drop so it's a very unhealthy lifestyle and not a very people on either write how do you combat the issue though because I like I know your second generation but in some first-generation and just In some cultures going to therapy is

like you know you just don't tell people your problems to get over here yeah I don't see what's the point of having therapy here you know or maybe if you just play it up and how do you come back all that

it's been a definitely in my in my experience has been definitely if they struggle and so with especially with the Latin X Community or even the minority group. I feel like it's a very important part of custom to the concept of therapy and mental health I definitely believe that with this this population is important to provide a lot of education and they need that it's a reaffirmation of letting them know that is okay to be able to have these type of conversations and it's about breaking the stigma and unhealthy and irrational beliefs that have been arraigned before being able to even go through the process of therapy

from the beginning with the client and so what I tell a lot of clients has that you know therapy counseling is meant for everyday people that have everyday problems that are just really struggling on how to navigate through it and so at the point when I receive oral get calls from individuals that are whether it's real or if it's Asian or or there's there's a lot of there's a lot there's a lot that's been built because Dave avoided for so long but the issue is a beer out of point of feeling Jasper so it's more about doing damage control and it is about taking proactive measures so you know big thing is that there's a place where it hurts and I really need some type of relief so we definitely on addressing and increasing awareness of

some of these beliefs systems that happened I'm healthy and working through a lot of emotional dealing with the feeling of a feeling guilty feeling shame and. Pictures which are the calm at 1

Alan today's culture in 2021 I know I've seen an increase of minority clients myself and I think it's because maybe pop culture and maybe the movement has helped made a mental health EZ TAG says but also not such a big stick man doing in the life of community do you feel life is pigment has gone down a little to all these movements of this year

so it's very difficult to tell I definitely feel like there has been a increase of awareness within the next Community I am a part of Latin psychological organizations or or a group of mental health professionals and just the type of services that they are providing definitely indicates that shows up there is that increase of awareness definitely believe that a lot of parents are at a point especially that they don't know what else to do with their children so they're just their children are advocating for therapy and I really don't know how this is going to help or work that I'm at my Wit's End and my two aisle says that they need to see a therapist so it's a lot of a lot of different as me but I definitely

second generation third generation are the ones that are really pushing for that and making our community aware and known as well as mental health professional we have an increase of mental health professionals that are that are also really advocating for education and awareness

I'd like to have one question from a listener they're concerned that if there an immigrant and let's say there an undocumented immigrant that if they went to counseling maybe someone with find out or you know that they could end up against it back just for going to counseling can you address the the fears of you know as a undocumented person I need help can is it safe to go to counseling or not before I end this thing in the video about therapy is at confidentiality is one of our number one goals and that's a big part of therapy and so what we discuss it when we talk about in therapy is definitely remains confidential of course there are

options and limitations on when it comes to a threat to self or others but outside of that what we discuss this is greatly protected I'm at least for me that's one of the big reasons why I am not a big fan of working with insurance companies because I wanted to do my best to be able to protect my my clients and the moment that they feel that they come in through the door there.

how do I know that this topic on today is also about navigating through relationships and we're talking in our father a person who is not documented is that also impact in the sense of you. Maybe I'm in a relationship and I'm an immigrant

in a relationship it's getting healthy unhealthy in the sense of being abusive other resources or or anything that I can do or I'm just like stop

yes definitely it's interesting because through this journey of learning the process of the legal process of immigration what steps can be taken to UPS. There's actually

this is where the domestic violence comes in the victims of domestic violence and so through this through this waiver people who have been physically emotionally mentally abused by some a spouse in some way shape or form and so this thing is recognizing is there in recognizing that isn't okay and there's also local women's women's shelters and abuse hotlines that are that we can all have access to which they also support protection of our of of everyone's rights of a mom that actually qualify for

it wasn't it wasn't a vowel but it was what we call a u Visa so that was a

there was some type of crime against against an individual in the family and it happens to be her daughter and it was sexual abuse unfortunately and so there was a Seer they're hearing. She's not as a legal status in it what it what what's going to happen if I report what happened and so and she was actually protective

so what you're saying is there is protection out there for people who are living in really serious and maybe dangerous environment is just acting like people yes it says it's finding an issue that you you can trust and and fixing I seen in different communities and cities is that there is a support group for a resources for every for every area and so it's a matter of just really doing your homework and in your research and and really connecting with those resources so although there is there are stricter legislative act out there but they're still a big group that is willing and there are willing to support immigrants and their families

you just mention our important thing about trust

yes yes can you see that very hard for individuals who are immigrants it's hard to trust system to a point where they exhaust options and resources

once again it's one of those areas when it's like I have nothing else I don't know what else to do in these are the resources that I have to I have to turn to and beat her my last option so usually when individuals are at that point it's exhausted all possibilities and one thing that we're really trying and I'm trying to get the message I'm trying to get across is that it doesn't have to get to that point and there are opportunities there are resources there are organizations that are able to provide immigrant families with with that support

okay okay I'm still like you said it doesn't have to get to the doesn't have to get to that big big blow up but there's support along the way just finding that support in the community

tons of support

individuals that are struggling with being able to hire an attorney they are services that will provide low-cost or free services through Catholic Charities are Lutheran Services they also I've had it these organizations reach out to me too and I've offered to pay for psychological evaluation on the individuals I'm part of the organization might and I stare at the Sands through the organization or that group of mental counselors there's a lot of resources out there there's a lot of services for low or free pro bono services for therapy and for migrant workers that's a big one that is being worked on our farmers and people that are being affected through this pandemic and they're really getting hit hard because these are the areas where they they really depend on agriculture to be able to

it's a matter of just being able to find those resources yeah. Kelly Moxley yeah yes and I know the pandemic really hit hard home for dinner I'm getting treatment for coping and their family back home and I can send to pay a lawyer and all this so it does get very expensive most of their skills and how what services you can provide you can take out next commercial break and just let him know about all the things that you offer and how to get nothing with you

yes you can gone so

as I mentioned I am a licensed mental health counselor here in Cape Coral Florida Southwest Florida area I am also temporary license in the state of New Jersey I provide individual family couple therapy as well as psychological evaluations for immigration cases I provide. All services in both English and Spanish for those that are interested in Sarah P services including individual therapy for issues such as spiritual difficulties anxiety depression OCD Tendencies feel free to give me 75453 250 or you can email me at RAC swfl at gmail.com so once again that's racs WSL at gmail.com and I we will be sure to provide you with the Assistance or provide you with any type of resources are referrals that you made me once again I am located in Cape Coral Florida at Cape Coral therapy

office building thank you yes and she has a practice call Southwest Florida Therapy yes thank you yes last part I would like to talk about cuz we've been talking about these she would like to give us give out audience in tips so if we have people who are listening and maybe they're immigrants and their struggling with themselves are in relationships or even blending the cultures yes can you give us some tips on how to navigate through

so big big thing that I especially if they're not 100% about seeking therapy it's just it's a big one so just being able to read on

acculturation and and overcoming stigmas and

mine mine or tea culture so you know who are referring to let in communities that provide insight and another thing that there is a therapy has a podcast cast black girls podcast is another one for African Americans and those are but there are tons out there is a whole world and it's a matter of just searching therapy and you will see all of them pop up type in your culture and you can identify those will pop up but the matter of just like I said searching and being interested that's a big thing and then also right

nithing that it you know it's okay to be able to seek out Services if you are feeling overwhelmed and struggling and just being able to recognize that mental health is real and often times the matter of just being able to work through and find healthy ways to be able to confirm our situations and just be able to acquire the necessary tools to find out release specifically with relationships what I often tell individuals is that it's important to recognize that when we're we're facing they're facing difficulties often times do we enter into this tug-of-war battle or if both partners are organs that Reuben and the stress is building and they keep pulling even harder and they they it becomes or comes to a point where their other half Becomes Her

rather than fighting against the problem you're fighting against themselves and so it's a matter of just learning to recognize that there are 18 and it's important to put down the power struggle and be able to work against the problem which is what I often say it's about looking at it from a different perspective than trying to find a solution and just being able to have those conversations recognizing that at the end of the days of goal should be the same which is to be able to be happy and and have a happy family that you don't recognizing that communication is a big component and so what I tell couples all the time is that the prior to entering into the relationship each person has their own story and so they carry what they call or what I call their own imaginary filter that they still touring a perceived lice they're oh so I don't know if this is ever

do you wear your having a conversation with loved one and then all the sudden it goes from a conversation to an argument about fruit and totally different and so it's about like stopping and seeing that's because that imaginary filter is kicking in and what we're trying to express not being perceived in the way that it's in the way that were saying it and so it's a matter of learning how to take a moment to stop and see if that came out and just really reflect and then come back together and able to have those clarifying questions to make sure that what we're receiving is actually what is being expressed to us so often times in relationships a big thing that I noticed it's a lot of miscommunication and really not knowing how to move forward from zooming to take that moment State I just want to make sure that I'm hearing you correctly

this is what I'm getting out of what you're talkin is this what is this what you're mean this is what you're saying just by being able to do that that can make a world of difference yeah definitely was just thinking individuals who have trust issues you know it's kind of immigrants may have trust issues because it's the system they may not trust whatever but just like you said if you don't feel secure in your household you know back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs sometimes then that just impact how you look at your relationship you know and like you said you put on imaginary thing and you like oh my gosh this person is really trying to get up make a really maybe that's not the issue and so it's kind of goes back to your first thing about being informed and also kind of I'm self-aware

definitely that's what that's a big component it's just recognizing that there may be things that are being triggered because of our own especially when you look at traditional immigrant or families of that come from traditional household there's a lot of that are ingrained from a young age and that can carry over to them and in big thing that I've noticed is a lot of internalisation and a lot of lot of stuff like it's it's my fault and recognizing that your partner may not be expressing that to you and may just be saying I am really needing some support and I'm really need help in their intention is not to see me on so you know usually that fight or flight response will come in and they feel the need to have to become defensive but it's not about being defensive but it's about recognizing

something that I need to own and recognize that I have the power to address it and work react differently to to it yeah and I was also thinking because we're talking about cultures and Nina's specially for individuals who are second-generation here in relationships are sometimes torn between I see this is how things have died in America but this is how I see it in my family which way do I go you know who's right who's wrong and if someone who's gone to that passes how do you navigate through all that

it's very difficult yet at the same time it takes it it does take a lot of courage and it takes a lot of self-reflection and so when I need self-reflection I mean really tapping in and ask him yourself okay what are my core values what are those things in my life that are important to me that I cannot compromise because if I compromised I'm losing a part of myself so for example if your compass for you being able to have a career is something that is very important to you and you and you feel that that's something that you're completely passionate about its make me something that an individual cannot compromise in and it's about creating and that's difficult but at the same time recognizing that loved ones is if they are healthy relationships it means that at some point

respect it and they're going to love you through that and we don't like for individual but it's also learning to be okay with those type of reaction and so I think that that's a big thing especially when we're talking about family loyalty and that being a big factor immigrant families struggling with sing okay well I don't want I don't want my my family member my parent my spouse to be upset at me but it also is important to be able to find that line of compromise so any healthy relationship requires that that compromise essentially valid point that I can just see it cuz I've heard it wear it sometimes like you said you may really want to love you come here and work maybe your mother and and your coat

you know you were told more to be at home with to have everything done you know the the kids the kicking and all that and it's hard to balance all that and not you'll just said yeah and what if some of your family members don't understand like your mom may not understand

are you going out you know

hey so that's a lot of an end that was something that I also struggled it I remember when I went to brat grad school I was in my younger twenties and I remember going to a predominantly traditional Hispanic church and I remember some of the individuals are the members of the church asking you what I was doing in Orlando all alone and to me I found us questions so strange because I'm like you're at school and they're like No And there and then that their next question as well how did your parents let you leave the home not being married and being and being in your young and that was it was offencive but at the same time it was mind-blowing because

the reality is it for some individuals that that's what they believe and that's their their value it's being able to leave the home have your children once they've been married often especially being another obstacle on top of that you know be able to know and and and recognize what your values are and have a strong foundation in who you are is very important and that's difficult when you're trying to pull apart what is values that are yours and things that were just instilled in you so that's why I definitely always tell their he's always helpful in helping you guide through those who those are puzzle pieces that were trying to piece together put together

Adam Smith mean this time and age it's a lot of what we see on social media of how people are portrayed sometimes we look at that and we think is that who I am yeah yeah that is definitely big it's just you know I think it definitely still told me you had played a big role in cell comparison and compare ourselves to others but also recognizing that every person is an in their own unique individual and what works for some individuals isn't going to work for other people because essentially we think created very differently to think differently to just feel different things differently and so it's about embracing our in and being able to accept that and I definitely a big component that individual space is just feeling that pressure

spinal pressure the family pressure and learning to be okay with who they are and not trying to live their lives through other people or for other people which I definitely feel like you don't even going back to issues that immigrant families May stasis there is definitely an identity crisis you know that is a big component when you think about the developmental stages to be able to reach autonomy there's been stated that have not been filled develops visual constantly fall back because there are certain developmental stages that have not been achieved by definitely will thank you Jessica so much for all the information you provided us about immigration navigate through relationship and kind of like you said just learning how to be aware of myself and I'm figuring that out and she's a great resource

play some listening while I think I really want to get it to know her I really want to talk with her and see how she can help me you can reach her at area code 407-545-3250 she also has a wonderful website I'm just showing hope is her name of company in the website is w w we still going Hope swfl Therapy. Org I'll tell her email if you want to email her is our agency swfl at gmail.com of course she's on Instagram guys and she post a lot of weight self-development positive things please follow her and that's on Cape Coral therapist rhs and of course Facebook slang LLC thank you so much as to cover of I'm being a guest on the show I really do appreciate it you're welcome anytime

thank you so much for allowing me I have I definitely enjoyed having this conversation and look forward to having more in the future check out if you guys want to check out her and the rest of the therapist here is WWE Cape Coral therapist.com if you enjoy this show and would like to see more it's bringing intimacy back check it out website at ww.w guys so much