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Bringing Intimacy Back
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with Dr. April Brown, Dr. Kelly Bushey and guest Sonia Frontera

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr. April Brown, Dr. Kelly Bushey and guest Sonia Frontera, Divorce Lawyer

Bringing Intimacy Back

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As we look around in this world today, it seems we are becoming more disconnected from one another, even though we have the technology to connect to more and more people than ever before. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy (in its many forms) is one of the top three reasons why relationships struggle and many times end.

Thus the Bringing Intimacy Back talk show is a show dedicated to inspire, enlighten, and encourage intimate connections. This show provides an engaging atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to enhance intimacy in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. The show will discuss intimate connections in many different forms, such as sex, communication, emotional, physical, health, and spiritual. In fact, research has shown that as we increase our intimate connection with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.  It will help decrease the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives.

THE MISSION

Increasing intimacy for all has become Dr. April’s mission. The mission statement of the show is to provide an atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to increase closeness in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. Therefore, Dr. April started in February 2018 to host her own new Radio/TV Show Bringing Intimacy Back where she and other intimacy experts will provide resources and tips on increasing intimacy in all types of relationships. Audience members will be able to transform their relationships through relationship experts’ insights, useful and practical resources, role-playing, and audience participation. The show’s goal is to show its audience members that intimacy can be alive and real in the relationships we desired.

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Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
Thursday
Starts
2:00 pm CT
Ends
2:55 pm CT
Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

welcome to the bring intimacy box show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with yourself your significant other children and family friends community and your higher power this show is for you. We explore intimate topics inspiring life stories spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationship this show is hosted by dr. April and her co-host dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bringing intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April dr. Kelly
welcome to the bring an intimacy that show where intimacy is real high. The Kelly how are you doing today I'm doing well I'm in Michigan. Where I am now people people don't ask where in the world is Matt Lauer is anymore but they or Waldo but they're wondering where I am and what will put you in Michigan Family yep I'm here for vacation and I have a lot of property here to enjoy and guess what my neighbor said hey we had that we have a black bear okay I was going to swing from the hammock not but anyway it's good to see you it's good to see you too and so today you know we were talking about today one of my favorite topics
sex with my favorite topic of course is rebuilding self intimacy you know it's about the self and so that's what we're talking about today yes which I'm so excited like that it's from a divorce attorney perspective I have so many questions and I think that there's so many angles I can't wait to learn about this I think it will help a lot of people yes definitely and since we're talking about something to Missy I also want to let everyone know that my new book is coming out on self intimacy that I'll be out in July and currently right now my first book of improving intimacy you can find it on Amazon itself spirit and spouse and it's the first part and then the self intimacy comes out in on July and then the other things that which is really important I think in this
since of the charity of the month that was sponsoring is the Trevor Project
you know and that's in self intimacy is important because June is the month of pry the month of Pride and it's having that love of self you know and sell the Trevor Project is a project that support the lgbtq plus you and it prevents suicide because many times and not all the times but many times from people I'm committed suicide and sometimes they don't have that stuff intimacy that's called tough love you know what I mean so every donation that goes toward this project prevents helps and prevents suicide through Crisis Intervention they provide Workshop Education and Training for the you and they uplift online communities for the lgbtq plus so if you're interested and helping out this
charity which I'm definitely going to do go to WWE the Trevor Trevor project.com awesome topic of the day out of rebuilding intimacy with yourself yes I'd like to introduce out gas good morning Sonia how are you doing I'm doing great I'm really excited to be with you today thanks for having me in Hunterdon County beautiful New Jersey Delaware Valley this time of year it is always gorgeous. Scott's country with a heart
do you know how hard that is yes and a good thing about her that I've noticed if you know some divorce law lawyers of course focus on divorce and I can leave the money and you have provided so much information and materials to help couples stay together so I want to tell you thank you for that yes by Pleasure yes it is so unique and that almost like a dentist you know as if dentist don't love cavities come on now
you know and so 2 to have that unique twist Sonia on that I'm sure that you've helped many couples stay together and sometimes it really doesn't maybe it doesn't warrant staying together for one reason or another so they have that that not in sight as well as your skill-set his lawyer is quite interesting
yes if the important thing is to make sure people make the decision that's right for them that it's carefully considered and not made in haste and that's why I am coming out to try to help people make the decisions that are right for them
yes and it looks like from your background that you're not only just doing this because you study did research that talk to people but you also a survivor of a toxic marriage that you know that was pretty toxic for you and now you're happily married again so you're like integrating all that wisdom that you now have with with a husband and three three dogs I believe that right yes oh thank you so much it shows that you're also a certified Canfield success principal Trainor which I'm not sure what that is are you familiar with Jack Canfield Chicken Soup for the Soul yes you America's most beloved coach yes which is at a training on the success principles with your proven it to to help people succeed and go from where they are to where they want to be
amazing wonderful and you're the author of my car to books yes to do you keep your husband or do you post them on Craigslist and most recently I published relationship Solutions effective strategies to heal your heart and create the happiness you deserve wonderful because many times is that last part they happiness you deserve. So many people don't
think they deserve happiness
that's right yeah which type of back into that self intimacy right before we begin we usually ask a recurring question to all of our guests and we would like to know how you define intimacy
Army intimacy is a feeling of connectedness it is when there is trust and the barriers come down and you can be vulnerable and reveal your true self and there is acceptance and then a bond can be created and we normally think about intimacy is something that happens in romantic relationships and especially in a sexual way but the most important aspect of engine seized the intimacy with the self because you need to know yourself and trust yourself and accept yourself and love yourself and until you do that you can't really create real answer Missy with another
I definitely and like you said it's about that connection but sometimes I've noticed and I'm not sure and your situation when couples get together and if it's a toxic relationship people lose their self how do you think that happens relationships and relationships in general and start with with General in relationships we come to relationships feeling that we are in complete and we are exposed to all these social messages that tell as you know you need to be a part of a couple what's wrong with you if you're not married you have to be married and have children and Society tells you what what their relationship is supposed to look like you know a guy wears the pants or
it has to be someone just like from from from you're saying that have ideals and we bring this into relationships and then then we wonder why things are not working out is because we lose that connection we have to the cells instead of remaining the individual the great creature Creations that we're here to be we tend to merge into into the couple and at the expense of ourselves and in toxic relationships is even more difficult because you have someone was trying to control you and to suppress who you are and prevent you from being who you are and then descend it would be the self-worth the conference is shipped away it'll gradually or a very suddenly and you end up feeling very hard very very sad and unhappy with yourself and you don't
first and why and you feel like you don't have the tools to get yourself out
I definitely
yeah and with that in the sense of not being able to get out it dumb
cusses a lot of harm in our hearts you know
indeed we we are here to express ourselves soon-to-be and to bring our talents and our gifts to the world and when you can't there's that feeling of suppression and that's why I really want to get that message out that you deserve to be happy and and create that happiness because it's really on you to create it no one's going to create it for you is not your partner who's responsible for creating that happiness and you're not responsible for creating that happiness for your partner so
yes I give you the truth so you can yeah I think some of it is because sometimes people don't value themselves they have no boundaries and where there is some people Pleasers that they want to please everyone else and they forget about themselves you know yeah I agree to somebody else take care of others at the expense of ourselves and we get to play that we really can't give from an empty cup are you familiar with the bread the sour bread dough recipe it's called a starter are you guys familiar with that I have heard about it but I have never made it I cheat I get the easy recipe that requires no starter so tell me why I'm telling you the starter is very unique I have one right now and what it is it's like 3/4 cup flour and then you have water and then you Stir It Up and then you let it wait
you know it's the flour mixture and then all you have to do is add more to it and wait but so many people they don't have anything to start with because it's so depleted and yes of course I'm trying to get my starter is going here in Michigan so I never run out of red but the point is is that when you talked about that Sonia it really it just resonated with me because so many people don't even have anything to start with because they're so depleted so how do you help people with that
I advocate people engaging and self-care and self-care is not selfishness it's not concede it's not being a good sister go land and pleasing your yourself at the expense of others is valuing who you are and nurturing yourself nurture the activities the relationships that bring joy into your life and just take every opportunity to bring joy into your life and and build yourself up because when you are happy when you were fulfilled when you are cellfix pressed you are a joy to be around and you can bring something of value to any relationship
definitely when we come back we're going to talk about this self intimacy how it plays out and relationships that alright maybe not healthy relationships that are healthy and as year as a divorce can you know lawyer how do you deal with when you're heartbroken how do you build back up that self intimacy to move for it are you going to take a vacation in Paradise medication to rekindle the passion without the kids learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation April Brown has created vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner our Retreats are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat
if you and your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and doctor referrals other services are called in doctor April Brown. Calm remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you all are looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be your next vacation in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real and today we've been talkin about rebuilding the self intimacy and so Sunny has been out guess here and Sunday you were just talking about the importance of self-care and so can you explain to our audience house to self care impact relationship especially from a female perspective
I like we were talking about when you deplete yourself when you don't put yourself first when you don't take care of your needs and then you feel resentful it interferes with your the health of your relationships so it's very important to just take some time away and reflect I love journaling it's a way of getting your thoughts in order and and think about I think it's really important to reflect and I I would start as far back as what were the the sort of behavior patterns in the societal messages that brought you into the relationship you're in so how did you get where you are before you can start determining what's the next step where do I go from here and try to find out where did I lose my way
for some people is they get married very young and they don't have a sense of self or perhaps they gave up something that was really important to them like for instance an education or a career or a hobby they were athletes and and they try to merge into the couple and start spending more time with with your your partner's friends and family and less time doing those things that you used to do when you were single or before you are a couple and then from that starting point tried to understand okay what makes me happy what brings me joy and start incorporating that into your life little by little a time I'm big on babies just because sometimes we are so overwhelmed by the possibility of making a major change so it can be little things are just like taking a few minutes everyday and creating some ritual
if you have a spouse or kids get up a little early and make some time to be quiet and read the paper or magazine listen to music whatever it is that brings you Joy and and start doing that everyday and also other things like nature things that exposing yourself to Beauty I'm taking care of your health mind body and spirit are cute yeah definitely and I like that you said you take small steps cuz people do get extremely overwhelmed there like should I stay in this relationship I'm not staying this relationship many times to go let's work on yourself because when you're overwhelmed you cannot make sometimes and effective decision that's right and then they have to get up to speed so if you're working on your cell and an individual says they're not comfortable with that
what do you do like you know you what would you recommend if somebody is in a relationship and the individual is not happy hello big clue they're not happy that you're working on yourself
I think that sometimes our partners feel intimidated because we are working on ourselves and they might take it personal that get something about them being an adequate so I can communication is key I have a perfect example of someone I work with she she wants to go for a master's degree I'm sorry for PhD and and the husband was so upset about it he's so you know she was abandoning him and and the son was also feeling left out that Mom is just going away she's being selfish she's doing it for herself and the important thing is to let them know hey I want to bring you into the discussion and I think before we take major steps is really key to bring the people who be affected by that decision into the process and say listen my dream is to be this and that and I'm doing this
because I want to be able to provide better for you for it for more opportunities for you so we can have the vacation we have been dreaming about and so you can go to that private school you want to go to so that they feel is not about you it's about everyone's best interest so that's the way I would approach it bringing in everyone and to the process I can relate to that because I had some resistance when I went back to school you know for my doctoral degree because it does take a whole lot of time away from their family and stuff but it was worth it yes yeah so I'm when you're working with individuals cuz you could do the whole spam kind of like we do and they are deciding to leave there about their spouse and they're in that divorce process
what is some tips for those women who just feel like
I've lost everything the relationship myself you know they're fighting for their kids
I think I think that this bed is saying about about the divorce process is that we see it as a failure and Society Chelsea we have failed the term failed marriage is is really important to me and when we are facing that we see it as the end of something and it is the end of something is the end of a chapter of your life but it's also a new beginning so the important thing to do in this case is to reframe how you view the divorce as not the end of the road but a detour on the road to happiness and view it as something that is going to take you to the next level in your life and try to absorb all the lessons that have come from the relationship release the attachments and then blessed but the relationship with love and move on
you just need to reframe it and start looking into what you will be creating not on what you're leaving behind but what you can be creating from now on the time is now it's not when the divorce judgement is signed start taking those those baby steps in that direction and make you know take the opportunity to reflect how do I want to create this life and start going in that direction right here and right now isn't it how dr. April are you fascinated by this also I'm so fascinated by the fact that Sonia is it doctor Frontera
also you're a j d right yes I guess if she is she's an attorney and I know you have such like Knowledge from a therapeutic in counseling standpoint I just would have never I'm sorry I know attorneys get a little bit of a bad rep but the two together you truly have such insight and it's so compassionate your approach towards people and towards relationships
I think it comes from being an intuitive and from the personal experience I went through very difficult times and I have to confess what I'm putting in these books I didn't know at the time and that's why I'm writing it because I want to give others the tools I did not have when I needed them so it's a combination of personal experience and what I have picked up along the way I'm a very devoted student of a lot of different teacher so I have been listening to different people with different perspectives and this is what I have extracted and how I think it can help other is to better their lives and of course I've done therapy to I've been working with a counselor which is something I highly recommend yeah I was just thinking I don't know if you guys have read any of Louis Hayes books yes yes yes
yes yes how she also talks like exactly what you're saying about divorce and breakups it's that you. Maybe that was that part of that journey and now we're going on to a New Journey you know you take the good from that and you move on yeah I love how the way you feel about her marriage with it to that British gentleman and he left her and she was sad about it but she moved on from there and she was grateful for that opportunity and and the social learning that she gained from it so you looking for to gain from their relationship know what you lose that the focus
yeah I definitely know I like how you put it what you gained from that yes and even in this sense of self intimacy what did you gain from it how can you learn from and how can you take that and you know move forward yeah I when you're single it's a great time to work on yourself and I think sometimes people I don't know when your but they jump from one relationship to the next without completely healing giraffe that's a terrible trap I call it being divorced from your spouse not from your spouse and that applies to relationships that are not just marriage
definitely one of the things that I want to think about our talk about this real quick cuz I just was like love it you said you always wanted a sister listen to this Kelly doctor, she always wanted a sister and so because of that that hasn't inspired her to write these books to provide all this information cuz she looks at me suming from what I wrote what I read that you look at all of us as sisters
that's right my books are called they're the sisters guys doing powered living I always wanted a sister and my mom and her younger sister were so tight and I always wish for something like that and that's what if that's something that would have helped me get through some hardships in life and that's why I like to provide my teachings from the standpoint of a sister not as an attorney with giving you Legal Information or is the therapist who is giving you their pubic hair this is the this is loving support because that's what I needed them most and I know from working with people who are going through these situations that what they most need is feeling supported
especially if the world and society infers that there a failure and that I'm such a you know it's a part of a person's identity and for so many people to feel like they're failing to pause and to be able to say you know what you can't fail yourself if you never give up right that's right
I got the visual of. When you're talking about the sisters I have four sisters and I just got the visual of the Ya-Ya sisterhood you know or the sisters of Traveling Pants are all of these different on my sister's I never even thought that there would be people that didn't have sisters that would want one would become so accustomed to what we have a wonderful that you have been able to find Sisterhood among the people that you help and other people that gravitate to you
yes when I get I get feedback you aren't my sister you know I'm not the lawyer I am not do you know the the the therapist I am the sister and I love you I just get that align it just makes me feel so good
wonderful yes definitely yeah I'm going back to one of your first books on do you keep your your your husband yeah what was what was the inspiration behind.
I wanted to create a book to help women who were on the fence be able to make that decision with confidence because many of us are trapped in relationships it is funny how they talk about the divorce rate being 40% and everybody's focusing on the 40% of people who divorce but
more people who are not part of that 40% that spends years trapped in unhappy marriages and those are the people I really wanted to focus on
yeah okay yeah so what are some of the measuring sticks on on that how do you do you keep do you not keep it would she people
oh sisters as sisters take from that yeah
the important thing is that you need to do the math because sometimes we we get upset with our spouses and we we think things can't get better or maybe we think there was no way that they could get better when in fact they can't so I died the readers through self-reflection so that they can ask because they have the answers within I don't give I don't give the solutions I don't get the answers you have them within and you get to find them through self-reflection so I got them through a series of queries that they can do on their own and and gain some understanding is this relationship worth saving and it can is my husband willing and able to make it happen so that the couple can give it their best shot I don't believe that you should give up on a marriage right away only Thursday of you switch of course that's that's the complete you do not negotiable if there's to be used
I helped him get out but otherwise give it your best shot because 50% of people who divorce regret having made the decision and wish they had work harder on their marriages and I don't want anybody to be in that 50% percentile if they can help it so that was that's that's the secret sauce for me doing the math and and taking the time to explore your relationship and finding out whether or not it's worth saving seems to me like you're doing double duty as a counselor and an attorney
that's awesome I really don't your divorce attorney that really you don't Advocate but you're there for it if they need it cuz I'm sorry I just keep going back to that because
it's so unique I'm going to have to read that book
please do I want your feedback how can I help in our listeners find that book as soon as Nan Amazon or Kindle is it on Kindle it is available ever books are sold online through Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Walmart Target everywhere and that you can connect directly with my other page through Amazon or my website which is Sonia Frontera.com well let me ask you this since you're being so open with us in our listeners because we really like in a mistake and we like the audience to connect with the topic and you said that much of this has been some of it has been from your personal experience
so now you're can you recognize that person that you were and the person that you are now how different are they
my core was always there but it was this experience that brought her about and I love reading the journals and that's why I highly recommend doing the journals because I have had I've had Journal since I was 8 years old and someone brought me a little Mickey Mouse diary from Disney World and and it's really good to look back and see how you have changed through the years and what this experience brought to me above anything else was resilience it just brought out that the strong woman I didn't know was there and for that I am so grateful
were you in this profession when you when your previous marriage yes I got married very young I was 24 and I was not in law school yet but I did go to law school while I was in my unhappy marriage which which started within 24 hours of the wedding that I realized my my ex-husband was abusive and that experience led me to want to change my life and I decided to go to law school because I was twenty-five years old and unhappy marriage in a bad job and I knew I needed to do something and that's when I went to law school but I didn't practice divorce law until more recently because I started at and family court when I get out of school and I found I found it so incredibly toxic
yeah huh oh my gosh Rosso you've had you've seen the realm and you've been around which is amazing yes so we're going to take a small break when we come back we would like to hear some more tips on how do we move forward when I self intimacy intimacy with now partner has been damaged will come back in a few moments
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Welcome back to the bringing its missed a show where intimacy is real today we haven't were talking about rebuilding our self intimacy and we have a lawyer and can you please like relationship Builder yes yes what do you call the other side of you
I like a Karma trainer cuz I want people to explain their power and probably yes also that book called relationship solution strategy said help heal and create and have given us the happiness that we deserve yes we just got a question from the audience and this is Mary from Louisiana and married from Louisiana is saying that she's just now in that process of going through a voice
and she's trying to like but she just feels like everyone is as she bites her everyone is against her and she feels embarrassed you know that I failed my family what is some tools can you give her
first thing practice self-compassion
you need to be happy and understand and acknowledge that happiness is your Birthright it's not something that you have to renounce to make other people happy to please your family or to meet other societal standards that your family holds you too and if your family doesn't understand get support else where you need to be supported you cannot go through a divorce without support I am huge and support systems go to a therapist or join a support group and be very careful when you're looking at support group make sure these are people who have a positive outlook know people who are looking to complain and to bash the other sex and and I have pity parties get supported find friends in a support group or your clergy
or someone you can trust a friend and if your family doesn't just leave them out of the equation are you I have a confession here for you guys because I am canceling I come from a very conservative family and my family would have frowned upon this and I pretty much have to go through this with the help of a counselor and as I am getting out at that when I finally told my mom because I knew she would have interfered so leave people out of the decision-making making process and don't tell them well you already told him I guess they now but you don't need you are your own press agent you control the information that you give out and and you can control what you tell your family about it and I just let them know that you're doing the best you can and that you are doing this very cautiously and and that you don't worry about me I'm taking care of myself I will get the
right
you made an interesting point about like the some clergy and some some different face not just the Catholic Community but that are so anti divorce and that some people would actually stay in an abusive marriage rather than disappoint their parents
and so there is no reason whatsoever to stay in an abusive marriage you said earlier it's non-negotiable I love that word there's some things that can be negotiated but not abuse that's right what advice would you give to any of our listeners that are in that abusive relationship let's say in the first week after they're married are their options that they have I've heard of annulments but what would you encourage our listeners that are in that situation if if you are interested in an annulment start getting information about that right away talk to clergy if you are seeking an annulment are you and do you mean an annulment and the church or do you mean an annulment in the courts
I didn't even know the courts did then I know mine's I knew the church that does quartz doing ailments also so they have they have certain requirements which you need to meet as does the Churchill learn about that but the most important thing rather than looking at the annulment get help from a domestic violence counselor because you need to get the right information you need to get an understanding of the situation you're in and how you can get yourself out get the tools that you need the support that you need any information that's right because they can guide you towards the legal system shelters are whatever whatever resources are needed for you to to make the move that is right for you yes and I'm totally glad
if you mention about the domestic violence shelters because there are some people who may be in relationships and for some people it's dangerous to leave
you know if so and you may be in that situation you may not and so would really does help with those domestic violence agencies and shelters because they have they can teach you about safety planning and the ramifications other things that need to happen if you're thinking about leaving so thank you for mentioning that
yes and so for those individuals who have left and I know you talked about journaling was is one good thing and I'm glad you also mention about the support groups because like you said being you know in a support group is imperative what is some other techniques and how do you know when you're ready to start to date again that's a good question you need to be back if you have to create intimacy with yourself first that's really important because like we said earlier we're talkin about some people Rico polls right away and you need to get comfortable with yourself you need to feel good in your own skin so don't date until you are ready and make sure you have relieved the attachments you may have to your ex because sometimes we have a tie
Men's Day there might be some unrequited love and the hope of reconciliation or they're there maybe so much anger and resentment building and that you might be you know looking for someone to validate you you might have felt rejected if your if your if your husband was the one who filed for divorce you might feel rejected and an undesirable and you need someone to be a bolster your ego so work yourself first and and get to enjoy your own company I can say for my personal experience that I didn't date for four years I had the best years of my life right after my divorce I started engaging in activities I joined a hiking group and I was going out with a new group of people who are really nice and my social life is just exploding I was having fun for the first time cuz I felt so repressed in my marriage and I didn't meet my husband till
I was four years out of my marriage and we didn't get married we dated for seven years before we did
so I'm not suggesting you should wait seven years you know to get married or whatever but just take the time to really enjoy your freedom Bill yourself up discover what an amazing woman is living inside of you and then bring her into a relationship you know Rachel Jacob had to work for years for Rachel
and then how do you know that story that's a good story but anyways 7 is the number of completeness I'm glad you got it right
it's so awesome yes and that's why I really think that people should think of not the end of the road but a detour on the road to happiness I have a life I I would have never imagined for myself that I wouldn't have if I had stayed in my marriage now I have a different husband withhold my travel and have a lot of fun or more compatible and it can happen to you too but you have to be open and receptive I'm open I accept this gift it's wonderful I can tell by your countenance in your smile that this is authentic happiness for your friends happy are they like they recognize you now they're like oh we were so worried
everything my friends were worried they were ever worried I could have kept much of it to myself but my friends are happy and many of the friends I have are our new friends from this new stage in my life and you keep on picking up new friends and new activities as you go along so you need to be open to that as well
yes yes so if I do audience wants to learn more about you and what you do how can they find you and tell us the other resources and stuff that you do the best way to connect with me is visiting my website Sonia frontier.com and there you will find links to all my social media YouTube Facebook you can join my private Facebook group the power Sisterhood and Twitter and that you can learn more about my books my projects my event and most important that you can connect with me directly you can send me a message I love to hear from readers and I want to know what your questions are what you need to know what you need is to support you on your journey
you're free and what states do you practice law what state do you practice law in New Jersey New Jersey shocked by that statistic you said that I think it was like 50% or 60% of people regret getting a divorce or not working you know enough on it yes and still I'm glad that when someone comes to you you walking through this
stage of gas is something that you really want to do let's find yourself can I ask you a question and closing
how much I don't know how to work this late premarital counseling just isn't happening anymore premarital counseling in terms of like the church or people doing people plan their marriage but not there or they plan their wedding but not their marriage premarital counseling would help or are some people going to be blindsided no matter what
okay I'm going to come clean here again I'm clean come on bring it it's funny because I just thought the Pre-K now that they forced Upon Us in a Catholic Church was the stupidest thing and I hated every minute of it but is I was packing my stuff when I was moving out of the marital home I came across this. I came across that the paper is Dino all the worksheets that we did during the pre-cana and my God the signs were there I didn't see them you didn't see them or are you curious what signs were there I'm just I'm curious now that I have put them behind so I couldn't tell you like like exactly but I'm just looking at those papers and I'm like oh my God
was it the differences and the answers to the questions
I am to the best of my recollection is it's more they were asking things about who you how you relate and certain in certain situations and it kind of underscored some of the the the the issues that were in the background they were not blatant cuz it was a really beautiful relationship I didn't marry someone because I was in a rush I need a green card or you know how do I marry somebody I honestly loved with whom I share a deep connection and I had a lot of fun with but there were some issues and I think very often we don't see them or we'd misinterpret them we downplay their trim and that's one of the queries that I ask my readers to go through because let's say your marriage can't be saved don't repeat those same mistakes and if he
I'm sure I think sometimes it's hard especially when you get married young and then you're in the twenties with people like a people's potential
you know and that's what they end up yes and sometimes you know this happens when people in their forties and fifties and it's you know you really got to love a person for who they are Maya Angelou talks about how people say who they are just leave them think that we can change our mates when we get married everything is going to be different just as much as you do so if you marry someone with the intention of turning him into someone more ambitious or complete different set of values you are only deluding yourself just don't do it
night exactly that takes away from the happiness
that's right we all need we all deserve to be happy and we all deserve to be self express and that includes your partner exactly thank you so much for being in the show it's been amazing thank you so much for having me I really enjoyed our conversation yes definitely will next week we have Melody and 3D knowing your boundaries and then after that Domine Drew what men want in relationships and dating looking forward to hearing about that June 24th Lynn Sturdivant the pursuit of vertical intimacy and July 1st with Matthew and Gunnar actual addiction is an intimacy problems so don't forget to follow us on social media if you want to be a part of the bring you in the mess he back Community request to join the bring intimacy bad Facebook create a Facebook group and Page follower Instagram Tik-Tok Twitter Youtube you got the idea for the latest updates on the bi b show
and we're so glad that you're been a part of our show today and we look forward to seeing you again on air thank you thank you