welcome to the bring intimacy pack show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with yourself your significant other children Family Friends Community and your higher power this show is for you that's we explore intimate topics inspiring life story beer to Aldi and insightful tips on strengthening relationship this show is hosted by doctor is dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bringing intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret hour to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April and co-host dr. Kelly see is real so we always talk about relationships and it would dealing with relationships is one thing.
should be in our relationship so you know what that is talked to Kelly likely knowing your boundaries yes and that is off topic for today but before we go into our topic of the day there's just a couple of announcements dr. Kelly do you have this is one month that I have it says bring an intimacy back oh yes I have my coffee mug it's a right now but I love our merch I love that we have merch now yes we have merch that if you're interested please going to a website the other think that is on our website is where I'm also releasing a book called improving intimacy talks about self spirit and spouse so think about that that's on Amazon and the other think that is on our website that we do once a month or every month we honor
and for the month of June it is pride month and so we're supporting the Trevor Project with support L B T Q Plus you add events to a side which is you know something that happens a lot in that population and anybody of populations and stuff so think about helping with that organization but let me know I'll get into the topic of this a boundary and knowing your fancy to meet have a wonderful person and name is Melody Beattie who is here today welcome Melody by the daycare yes to let me tell you Nelly nice picture is Humanity living peacefully hosting late and to the fullest potential and finish up with
and with one another her mission is to encourage people and to pray she is described as the boom of it's more than her until 10 and it's fine Christian Author I know she's writing an autobiography
and she loves igniting to mental courage resiliency in joyful Stewart leadership of Boomers and Generation Z and generation after Generation X 2
welcome to the show thank you so much yes yes so one of the first things that we cuz we talked about intimacy and that's the main thing about our show is having those intimate connection how do you define intimacy
well I know the first time I heard the word in the context of relationships and then being counseled and that area was pre-engagement pre-marriage and intimacy basically meant Army into me see in terms of transparency and vulnerability so that's kind of how I Define it is into me see you know can you look through me and seen me so many times on the show even with intimacy if there's that self intimacy of knowing myself you know and of course the spiritual intimacy and how knowing that sell so yes we would love to understand more about you and your background
okay do you want me to start like from where the beginning or yeah well my background is that I'm the youngest of four siblings I grew up in a small town in Texas really just was raised in public school system then went to a private college and my experience in the area of intimacy was that thing in a small town and growing up with kids that were my age from kindergarten to 12th grade be a small town but we took care to the you know Mindful and considerate and really looking out for each other kind of like as a neighbor now and I was raised in church I was very active and basically the whole culture of hanging out you know you
culture High School culture College culture was that we just hung out in groups you know I was taught growing up that there's safety in numbers and I still believe that today oh yes I married a fellow graduate there while we went on to grad school to Boulder Colorado we were in the lovely Rocky Mountains for 4 years there for his graduate work and then something kind of sad by the kaplans where there was a fair in the marriage on his part while we were separated for a semester and this is why you guys were in school and grad school he was I was working in my career to kind of be complementary to his graduate school work so when
we are we were there for 4 years so our life really revolves around the university life I work for the foundation on campus so just tons of activities with cu-boulder and also hate being in the music school so yeah this instant you know relationships everywhere and the work that I did required me to do relationship development work so no stranger to hear people saying but if there's any way but yeah that was a blind side you know he came back from an internship and you know he's asking to have a divorce
4 years of being in a mirror is preparing for your future and then all the sudden your husband doesn't want to be married to you anymore and like
really a curveball so thankfully we had the right people very wise counsel around us knowing who we were and how this was kind of a tragic results for a mirror and I'm grateful for those people seeing you know beyond what we could see in the emotional turmoil of that moment and you know I was helped by my colleagues to have legal counsel and just to help craft everything so that the whole divorce process would be as smooth and painless as possible since it was his decision but you know what is he decided but I was kind of like the clean up girl just like here I have an assignment for you and I don't want to be married but will you take care of all the legal work so if that's what happened I need to stay but as God would have a job in Baltimore Maryland
okay another big move this is where my sojourn into me and discovering me discovering God really began when I went on this track from Colorado to Define myself as sojourning chasing trying to find God trying to find me you know it's right in that time so that was the summer of
22003 and move to Baltimore Maryland for job that was a different scenario from you by then wait for my parents and family to be convinced that it was good for me to move out to the East Coast vs the back to Texas that was definitely a good job and back to the nest as they say, so I enjoyed it I was on a great adventure and really really discovered rediscovered and I had 10 of us I would say one of those lightning-bolt experiences and early morning hours in my spiritual walk with God and it's at
to reconnect with him with myself going through this pain of divorce and so you know when you're going through that kind of turmoil like lost relationship that's like in the top 5 stressors as far as yes right yeah so I'm Still Water reading self-help like this absorbing as much as I can but I'm also having a lot of sleepless nights because I'm just under so much stress and getting the new job and lightning bolt light wake up 4 a.m. and is almost like a neon sign across my forehead go read Isaiah 54
I didn't even know Isaiah was an apostle and I read it and I did not realize at the time the import of the scripture and it would come to have more and more meaning to me as a marker is kind of a mistake in the ground with my walk with God for the next 25 years of my life looking in Reverse looking in the Riviera but let me just if you don't mind I'll just share it go fast
so what you don't know about me at that time is I'm only focusing on the recovery of the divorce not the fact that I have all this trouble and
post-traumatic stress coming to the surface from decisions I've made right after college to have not one but multiple abortions and I didn't know what I didn't know then as far as how that would affect me emotionally spiritually mentally and even maybe physiologically to but I'm at the age of 30 and I've had multiple abortions and just had a fresh divorce New City new job so yeah a lot going on woman who did not fare Break Forth into singing cry aloud you who have not been in labor for the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her he was married as the Lord so enlarge the place of your tent and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out do not hold back lengthen your cords and strengthen your steaks
for you will spread abroad to the right and to the left and your Offspring will possess the Nations and people the desolate cities
fear not for you will not be ashamed you will not be disgraced and you will forget the shame of your Youth and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more and here's the catch for your maker is your husband the Lord of hosts is his name in the Holy One of Israel as your Redeemer the god of the Kohler these call for the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved and spirit like a wife of Youth when she's cast-off says your God but for a brief moment I deserted you and with great compassion all gathered you and overflowing anger for a moment I had my face from you but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you since the Lord your Redeemer this is like the days of Noah to me when I swore that the Waters of Noah would never swear to you that I will not be angry with you nor refuse you for the mountains May depart the hills may be removed but my steadfast love film
depart for you and my Covenant of Peace will not be removed the stores that have compassion on you selected one storm-tossed not comforted behold I will set your stones and let your foundations of sapphires and so on and here's another part all your children shall be taught by the Lord and great still be your peace of your children in righteousness shall be established and be far away from oppression will be far away from here if anyone source of surprised it's not from me whoever serves of strife with you will fall because of you and I created the rabbits are to destroy but no weapon that is fast and against you will succeed and you will refuse every tongue that rises against you this is the heritage of the Servants of the Lord and their visitation I'm reading is going taking it very literally in that moment the Lord is telling it to you with me
in my deepest darkest pit of despair saying this is who I am to you melody and nobody was just who you are to me and I really want you to get this and I honestly I took it to heart cuz I had no one else to turn to at that point and I took that passage of scripture with me into the counseling process you know to share it with my Christian counselor that time and remarkably she said well you realize God talking to Isaiah the prophet to the Israelite nation and you're bringing us into the current context of your circumstances but it's fascinating that he woke you up and he said go read this so yes God is with me in the wee hours of the morning to have peace it's accepted Everlasting Love and that he is my husband and make her and so on and so on so on
right up out of it knowing I have someone in my corner I thought it was here all along doing this life alone and he is right here with me talking to me and I'm going to be all ears from here forward when you talked about you had a lightning bolt experience with God that a lot of people have a image of God as being that punitive corporal punishment father you know and then people will even say well I'll get struck by a lightning bolt if you had a lightning bolt experience with a sense of Youth as you had said scripture had said and so right in the middle of your divorce I just get this VIP visual of you healing from that and he says let's go back to ground zero a little bit here
I'm hearing that you had healing and not what a typical view of God is that if you you do something that makes him unhappy he's going to strike you with a lightning bolt sure yeah yeah and it said him for him to call me into this place as I need to say some things to you if this wasn't like the conversation that he has a joke to say you know how do you think you are you know you forget who I am here is sisters is tender promises despite your sin despite your despair despite this dark place that I have found you in I'm calling you to me I'm calling you into this and someone's face of no harm love is Everlasting and I went to an agreement with piece that I will keep the peace between you and I even if the world is bringing storms and more hurt which by the way ya from 32
five summers ago tons more loss abandonment of job loss on lost all the Brokenness and hurt of this life is it right there walking me through every every single part of it but I never felt that we would typically feeling we're going to take a short break but when we come back I would like to go more in-depth of what you just said that he was right there as you just said. Said he was going to be your husband yes and what if that actually mean as you walk through more challenges and life because sometimes as Christians people think what you have Jesus as the guy who likes going to be easy but that's not always well that's not that's not you
going to take a short break in the become faster going to go more into that intimacy of spirituality and self-worth Guy rekindle the version without the kids a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if they keishin counseling is your next vacation and Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner Retreats are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner interests in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on
Asian counseling and Doctor April's other services that are called intimate connections at dr. April Brown. Calm remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be vacation in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the Phoenix mystery show where intimacy is real and today we are talking about knowing your boundaries and where is speaking with Melody and Melody you would just sharing with us how God had spoken to you it's kind of like a light bulb in the sense of waking you up in the middle of the night after some years and heart rate of a lot of floss and now you know you you wretch was Isaiah 54 and how God walk with you through that
so how did that actually look like in when the sense of him walking with you through all those traumas and all the stuff that you're dealing with and in the process of even going to get Camp counseling because that's you know sometimes I struggle for people yeah sure is I'm really grateful that I had friends recommend that I feel like I'm sorry about that a term that people use when they feel like they're encountering the Divine or that they're having some kind of encounter with the Lord or with God in terms of a coincidence you know or just something that's so personal and intimate that is intangible in a way like maybe sing the rainbow after the rain storm and you feel a connection to the Lord because of
promise you made in Genesis about never flood the Earth again and that was a promise as far as using the rainbow for that and then other ways that you feel that you've been reminded of someone special or a Deja Vu or something and I like to call them God Winks because that's a word that was basically created by two friends of mine as Wireless now that's a word that you calling that God is always winking at you if you're paying attention and looking in his Direction meaning God is very intimately involved in every detail of your life
but are you in conversation enough with him to be noticing or listening or watching for those indicators that he's intimately involved
so it could be someone's name that you see on a license plate or it could be a year or some little something little piece of the puzzle of something that you've already been through or that God is preparing you for the next thing that's happening in front of you and I can say quite honestly that at the age of eight I had a dream or Vision that one day it would live and work in Washington DC and it's a kid like those of us who want to be astronauts or fireman or veterinarians you know when it's a dream image that one day I would live and work in the nation's capital I just wouldn't know how I would get there or when they think I would be smart enough and think I would be wealthy enough to get there but I was I landed in Baltimore Maryland
job move me to Washington DC and a friend on that job invited me to her church and life is international Global name a kid in a candy store
and literally I wanted to be friends with people all over the world I wanted to eat their Foods enjoy their cultures I just really wanted to be a person as far as the global missionary what have you so windy invites me to recharge there in Washington DC
and one of the songs that song is four-part Harmony and it was fun parsley in Swahili and the song was I hear God singing to me I just lost my gosh I think I found some Little Piece of Heaven here like this is making me think of my stream I am and why I'm sticking with people all over the world singing in Swahili that they don't know me yet and after that time I went up to her and said I had this thing happened to me so early one morning and this was the scripture what do you think of that is that real real and so what do you think about today
yeah I feel like I'm just compressed you know from 882 here I am at 33 that this was supposed to happen but it was going to happen and I had nothing to do with it my friend's dad's favorite I really am I just want to let you know that but we can have a Pursuit I'm not just a higher power but a personal God speaks to us in a way that we understand and it sounds to me that you have intimacy with God and a very personal level and so often there's many face that believe that you cannot enter into communication with God even on your own or in back in the day they even
only the high priest it going did you know that he had a cord tied around his legs don't pull me out of here yet but you get the point we have we can have that inference into a personal relationship with you and it sounds to me like that's what you're experiencing on your journey yeah I was just mind-blowing because at that point by being invited you know Tiffany and her friend like me to go with you I saw you walking to the office every day with your like big fat like Max Lucado by Lorde Lorde be packing your Bible at the work all the chili okay
Memorial Mall near the weekend in near Washington Monument and we would pray we was seeing and we would just open up the felt like I was really kind of in a cloud environment where I saw them at covenant of peace and singing Kumbaya on reading the Bible don't like it was the reflecting pool at the Capitol was probably behind a fence but the next one of you that does that is going to get a ticket
yeah I was in all that dirty dirty Pond scum duck food all that jazz yeah I got the Seroquel yeah but that was that was part of the
God speaks all the time and I are we listening watching for that and then especially speaks to his worried because the scripture say it is living and active and it's it really speaks to our hearts and so there's a lot of people that I've talked to you and stuff he struggled with boundaries you know and so on you just talked about how God walks with you yeah how did that transformation and you knowing your boundaries
that's a great question April
yeah I think what I had experienced up to that point was that I had so many tough boundaries going up in a very strict home for everything was no you can't know you can tell yourself that strictness of boundaries as a child and ass Rusty and Sabina yes person yes I will go here yes I will do that all the way to the pendulum going so far as to coming back to this place of now I have this understanding of God and really display says he's walking with him that there are those they found razor Harbors that we stay in the word of just people I don't want that because there's too many rules there and it's boring or
but there's so much Freedom as we know in the truth and when you really dig into that walking in true despite what someone they think of you being rejected is to me being redirected you know what you can reject me all you want but I received that in truth as a redirection from God that I think boundary answers is am I know my know and many times I like it is just didn't realize it but many time Christian women sometimes they have enough of myself with saying No thank don't know how to say no it's always yes yes yes yes you know yes and they feel like oh my God saying no would not be a Christian thing to do but in reality even Jesus had boundary
yes. Is your dad what what is in your lane and what's not in your lane exactly from the crowd sometimes the crowds will be pressing in and sometimes he would even preach and do his Parables from the boat though sometimes when people press in on us and we need to set up a hungry you can stop that now he also probably knew hey what sound carries over water on it and it it takes a lot of personal wisdom on knowing when to enforce a boundary so how do you how do you enforce foundries are encouraged people to enforce boundaries
you know I'm a person that believes strongly in giving a person three chances the first time something happens is oh we're learning something here okay and it's called forgiveness yeah and second time they split more into the grey space okay alright third time maybe there's a pattern here maybe have to kind of put a little Line in the Sand and then you know maybe go back and revisit but I think that when someone is not seeing you or acknowledging you and your boundary that that is when you really need to be able to stay with your know and I'm hearing a lot in the space of intimacy in relationships and girls and guys
she really means no and the guys perceive that when she sang know that it's a tease or flirt or come on now that you know she's really saying yes and she says no and that's no excuse for kind of the trespass that may be happening when someone is crossing over the boundary of Purity that maybe they're trying to hold on to for marriage or something like that and I I hear this on occasion
so yeah I the boundary question. Kelly is would you give me permission to speak into this and would you please hear me when I say to you that I do not wish for this to happen again or I do not wish for us to go down this path you know and can we just back up in Reverse hear and understand this is an expectation I have or this is an expectation pardon are you familiar with Ron hutchcraft I am not good and not evil and he likes our fires he likes them in the fire place that's exactly right
some of this writing cuz it ain't like you like right up your alley or bad for example of our body temperature set point the way you exceed that laundry it's a fever the shoreline is a boundary and when it is at the ocean exceeds boundary then what do we have we have flooding and like I really liked what you said that you can tell somebody hey you know
you're setting a line you're communicating but is there a way to communicate boundaries without saying anything then you know we have ghosting nowadays right cuz they don't know how to communicate their boundaries so what would you do in that instance
you mean being on the receiving end of ghosting or not telling somebody okay here's your you're doing you're reaching out to the generations he's right who goes people communicate boundaries how how would you do that makes me feel uncomfortable and so I do not have this kind of interaction like you're so polite how can you say that says I have I had someone this is new to me I was in a dynamic and we're texting all the sudden the texting is coming with more shirts off and on and I literally I'm like dude I don't want to see a shirt
unless this is my significant other of my husband sorry if I'm like coming across old-fashioned but I really don't I really don't because the battery please don't say it's the one of those I think you're awesome you're great but please don't do that and I think you're being over-the-top that's my opinion okay if you can how long did it last after that. A day not even had a great good works and things like that but when I saw the boundary about the shirts okay sorry
also don't distract me what did he have a nice did he have a nice upper body you can't even respect that you're like you're going to lose people yeah yes yeah but but you're protecting yourself which is the person you have to be with for the rest of your life so yes I'm talking about when people Generation Z you have a program is it I say if I brought it be Barnabas became Barnaby and so yeah Barnaby girls like hey let me know yeah
I was just going to ask about the program what I'm doing right now is in small groups and one of the girls really like the idea of and we're going to play around to sort of podcast it may be off while I'm here in Naples is the Boomers and the Neighbors in a way because did the Genovese affectionately sometimes like they call themselves Zoomers cuz some of them are really connecting to the person of the the whole Rhythm of Life that baby boomers had they can relate a little bit to the golden years at Boomers had in the 80s and Everyone likes to go back to the 80s which were great year was for this this will absolutely
sandwiched between the wisdom of the elders and that that golden generation you know they are really wise in the way we were raised and then we got the Gen xers and Millennials the Louis and we're still like in this place of childlikeness and Innovation and creative and you know a peace love and donuts whatever you like there's something about her that I never had a talk to so we kind of get into that space where it says Statham find and he transferred but you can have your little Barnaby not little but you're Barnaby kickoff party at Zoomers in Fort Myers
yeah I kind of just brainstorming about small groups face and safe space to talk about these kinds of things you know that they would normally talk about I don't ever talk to my parents about anything this Melody since you work with the younger group and plus with your conservative background if I could call it that are you familiar with try to go see what about they don't drink so here we have like on the the Christian you know you you I assume accepted Christ when you were eight based on what you're talkin about you had that personal experience when you were 8th correct
actually yeah you know everything was about love Jesus the Bible by Vacation Bible School raisins first that the gospel message about Jesus and all that didn't come until I was about eighteen nineteen but were you conservative at a l o yeah very much though but so you have this is what happened straight edgers are like they're not going to drink smoke it has nothing to do with faith nothing to do with that they just don't want to have sex or straight edge
yeah that's that's who I was trying to be but the culture totally swallowed the other because I didn't have any foundation were rude or conviction you know to try to stay in there doing on your own right that's it you can't do it in your own right
now I really get the vision for what you're doing with burnt your Burnaby project it's called the bar to be what is going to be the girls at age one another and build each other up and then you have the kindness movement and something to say what you're too kind people going to walk all over you and take advantage of you but love is patient love is kind and so those are the first two principles you know like are you being patient and kind of the audience
if you are listening to this commercial you have a pulse if you have a pulse you have stress you may need a therapist how do you find a therapist
are we go to your phonebook wait what's that go to the World Wide Web you type in therapist near me
can you find a list of acronyms LMA clcc NCC
go to datpiff.com. Does Kelly specializes in helping people that's trouble with anxiety stress burnout green depression compassion fatigue sleep issues body image issues
you can have help to it.
Welcome back sniffing an Infamous take show where is Missy is real yes we've been talked with Melody about boundaries and of course how that would like to do spiritual intimacy and knowing god and he helps us of course know ourselves in the real reason play just talking about your program the body of the girls and trying to I'm Bad dilemma of human kindness and then of course is hold mean girl thing and then I recognize that you are actually the chief encouragement officer yeah another little play on words so how do you go in between like you said this kindness and and Main girl thanks what do you bring to your girls on on that
in the space that we have together I let them talk about any and everything under the sun and even if it's something is pretty raw or just like a recent situation with one of their best friends actually have one who's really in a dilemma because she's been the best friends with this girl for a while to hang out all the time and she's like I don't know what to say to her but I've got to talk to her because I feel like she's mocking you know our faith my face because she will post pictures and say hey in the same time she's posting a lot of very like sexually exploitative explicit kind of like with her body with you know the you know the way the photography is like hey I'm still going on I'm very proud of my my behind it's all out there
so it it's like this this friend of hers she's like a graduating high school by this is summer time I don't know where she's going with this but I feel like she's living a double life and it's it's all over social media and I'm the one that's in her life and I don't want people to associate me with that you know but she's my friend I love her and I don't want to judge her so what do I do I'm like oh man you got to have that let's hang out let's do our chill thing is girlfriends and then okay let's talk about Matthew 18 let's bring the word bring sword okay here's the situation or something's going on and will you let me speak into your life with love like I'm going to bring a little bit of truth but it's going to be like
covered in Grace okay but dude I see this and I see that which is it okay cuz we know you know what the word stands for wrestling with I've got to let your friend I don't want her to think I'm being mean to her or judging her but I've really got to speak truthfully to her and so sometimes encouragement and exportation once in a letter and then they asked me at the University I use the word exploitation or exhort and they said you need to change that cuz it was you know we have such a powerful meaning and then if they do not change then you go with somebody else so you're very first thing that the scriptural principle is to go to them and communicate with Grace
yeah so much pain and Chaos or whatever and then I can do kind of up a level from the air and yeah but how to handle the wicked cuz he never fail their hate he's getting a hold on it
Amy from Indiana and Amy wants to know if you had spoken about
getting it on my page
you had spoken about hat working in Washington DC and what what did you do in DC and I did a lot of Street evangelism around the capital in the Union Station so my full-time job was nonprofit work so was it is one that's questioned from this audience in CC because I could not get enough of all the historical monuments and the museum and just what a beautiful city it is and people from all over the world you know every a app
yeah yes I'm on my way into school space for schools and parents of students in what I'm hoping to do is to create a toolkit of resources or health of the soul that will speak into the social emotional learning space a little bit but to bring some tools into that tool kit that appear in the student might be able to tap into as they're going through some things with their child or a friend and it's kind of an adventuring coaching space to so right now I'm just collecting and going through the experiences to see how it will come across to the person on the receiving end of this resource so yeah
look out for all the great things that you are doing if I listen is wants you I'm connect with you what's the best way to handle I think I shared with you and yes they are very welcome to text me at +23-988-805-3007 thank you so much I'm going to get some the show know I have a question Melody since you gave him the number. I am working or is it just for the Barbie girls to reach out to you or what about if there's a gentleman that is listening
so the the number I just gave you is with regard to the focus topic today but because I texted it will come through and then I get the privilege of screening right age as as we wrap up our show this evening or this evening thank you so much for all that you added to our broadcast and I also want to give a thank you to our background the people in the background producing this the done as well as Hayden thank you so much for your work and we appreciate you I'm June 24th we have lens tournament with which is the pursuit of vertical into the sea okay
addiction I'm glad I read that right and didn't say wanker sorry but sexual addiction is a whole man strangles boasting making friendships work you can follow us on Instagram and also Facebook and Spotify and all the other ones such as even Apple podcast
I think you this has been to bring an intimacy show and we truly have appreciate Melody you being on the show you're welcome back anytime yeah she has to be definitely have learned about knowing your boundaries guy thank you bye bye thank you bye Melody