Bringing Intimacy Back, July 16, 2020

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr April Brown and Dr Kelly
  
  
Show Headline: 
Bringing Intimacy Back
Show Sub Headline: 
with Dr. April Brown and guest Dwight Bain

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr. April Brown and guest Dwight Bain

Guest, Dwight Bain

Guest Name: 
Dwight Bain
Guest Occupation: 
Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Leadership Coach, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Guest Biography: 

Dwight Bain is a trusted media source, having been quoted by and featured in the Washington Post, New York Times, Orlando Sentinel, and radio and television stations across the major networks. Dwight has challenged thousands of audiences to create positive change in organizations like Toyota, Advent Health, the US Army, and many more. His skill as a communicator led to being selected as the best public speaker in Florida 3 years in a row by Toastmasters International.  He is a best-selling author on the subject of creating change through his books, blogs, “Chicken Soup for the Soul” stories as well as being quoted in over 20 books. 

Dwight is a lifelong resident of Orlando where he lives with his wife of 30 years. His purpose is to help leaders and organizations in rewriting their story through strategic change.

 

Bringing Intimacy Back

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr April Brown and Dr Kelly
Show Host: 
Dr April Brown

As we look around in this world today, it seems we are becoming more disconnected from one another, even though we have the technology to connect to more and more people than ever before. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy (in its many forms) is one of the top three reasons why relationships struggle and many times end.

Thus the Bringing Intimacy Back talk show is a show dedicated to inspire, enlighten, and encourage intimate connections. This show provides an engaging atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to enhance intimacy in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. The show will discuss intimate connections in many different forms, such as sex, communication, emotional, physical, health, and spiritual. In fact, research has shown that as we increase our intimate connection with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.  It will help decrease the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives.

THE MISSION

Increasing intimacy for all has become Dr. April’s mission. The mission statement of the show is to provide an atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to increase closeness in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. Therefore, Dr. April started in February 2018 to host her own new Radio/TV Show Bringing Intimacy Back where she and other intimacy experts will provide resources and tips on increasing intimacy in all types of relationships. Audience members will be able to transform their relationships through relationship experts’ insights, useful and practical resources, role-playing, and audience participation. The show’s goal is to show its audience members that intimacy can be alive and real in the relationships we desired.

Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
Thursday
Starts: 
12:00 pm PT
Ends: 
12:55 pm PT
Show Transcript: 

feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration your together yet so far apart now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached one shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bringing intimacy bag a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to www. Bringing intimacy back.com today and let the healing begin
what can't you bring an intimacy black show where intimacy is real on this show we ain't help you increase the ants make connections between you your partner your family a higher power Community we give you the secret power to end with c to create a life you love love the life you you like so you guys know we're times that we've never been in before and still today's topic is come take a notion doing covid-19 and when this whole thing started back at me I think I got involved in it in the sense of work and personal life back in March and I was just trying to figure out how can I help my clients how can I know if my South and I went and I heard actually online I heard a wonderful speaker to white thing and he was such a psychological recovery do that
that inspired me so much that is seen as the website was done I begged him to come in the shower so for today's guess I have White Plains thank you so much too white for being on the show I'm very honored to be with you dr. April we are going to do they speak to some of the anxiety distress the pressure because we are the first generation In Our Lifetime be able to deal with a pandemic and I know this one day it will end and it will end better if we can stick together and stay intimate and close through these very challenging times definitely will let me tell you guys a little bit about the white thing he's a trusted media Source haven't been quoted and featured in The Washington Post New York Times Orlando said no and many radio television stations that clock to make your network he has challenged thousands of audience to create a positive change in organization like Toyota on Advent Health in the US on Ernie and many more
he is still as communicator and let you being selected as the best speaker you guys listen to this the best speaker in Florida three years in a row by Toastmasters International he's a best-selling author on the subject of cleaning change to his books blog chicken soup with the soul stories and he's a lifelong residents of Orlando where he lives with his wife over 30 years is also a strong and a wonderful counselor and a miscarriage many people on therapist throughout the world I believe his purpose is to help leaders and organizations and be riding there's no way to get change so please let us welcome again playing how are you doing I'm fine thank you and thanks again for the opportunity because nobody's ever live through this but I know that we can learn
from each other with a pandemic we're recording today week 17 and we look at this week by week we're learning about this disease as we go we're making adjustments and here's where to wear a facemask here's how to do physical distance and here's how to open back up a business unemployment numbers are still very very high so many people are stress and if I can't control the stress on the outside I want to be able to control my moods on the inside if I can't manage the stress in the pressure on Wall Street I want to focus on what happens on my street and that's why talking about relationships is essential because if you have strong relationship to get through this better if you are isolated if you're going through isolation desperation and you're feeling like you're in it alone it is essential to plug into healthy supports healthy Community because nobody will get through this alone but together I know we can and I'm thankful we can talk of that today give your
listeners some of these strategies to make their their life at home a little bit better Will Will Survive I'll say that many times did April because it's easy to think this will last forever and it will end of times Never Last tough people do is out dr. Robert Schuller used to describe it and that's still true today really want to ask the white how are you doing thank you for asking I can remember when I was working with a team in New York City on the pile after the terrorist attacks and every day we were doing what we could our team was there for months and I remember on a radio talk show host named Lisa Williams she asked me that question I was unprepared I never sent that and I started to cry
these are hard times and so thank you for asking because we're all impacted in different ways I haven't been able to see my father who I was one of his caretakers because I have some responsibilities in the community I haven't seen him in person we talk FaceTime but over four months so there are challenges but because of having a strong faith having strong relationships and practicing something I call aggressive self-care I'm happy to report today that my physical body is healthier than when Cove in started my wife said we are going to eat clean during Kobe's last down I'm 30 pounds lighter she's 20 pounds lighter because you can't control what's happening on the outside but you can control you. My sister she always makes me laugh she said they want you to wear a face mask inside your house I said why she said to keep you from eating and snacking and stress eating them it was probably some truth to that
but to be able to know we want to control what we can I can't control global economy in recession but I can control my mood I can manage my mindset and if you have mental toughness mental resilience a doctor April you can survive this you can survive just about anything so my marriage is better than it was four months ago my physical health is better financially I think we're stable and strong we've used up some savings but the goal is to remember and this is a key principle for your listeners difficult times right I can't focus on the big stuff so I'm going to focus on the things I can control you can control you
you can control its called box breathing the Navy Seals teach this it's relaxation techniques you learned in yoga you can control your heart rate your respiration your blood pressure you and I can control our nutritional intake we can control the amount of sleep that we're getting we can control taking care of these physical bodies but after night will come day this will end after the winter will come springtime always happens after a recession will come progression an opportunity and so to be able to take the Long View other people have gotten through difficulties we will to how do you do it one step at a time one healthy decision at a time that starts with conversations just like this one Sandy Hook shootings Columbine Hurricane Katrina if you mentioned the New York City 911 do you tell that a lot and many of us are helping Healthcare
workers and some of them and some of all of us including myself 12-step group hi my name is Dwight I'm a control freak
he said and realized this is only nothing only thing we can control it
we can't control how all this you know and my toughest cases many time with the healthcare workers cuz I just it's so hard to see what they're going to be able to take a breath the prefrontal cortex of our brain dissection right here is where we do our executive thinking our executive functioning and when I'm stressed everybody everybody is impacted by this everybody is affected not everybody has the same coping skills not everybody has the same strategies of support and that's why not everybody is coming through this the same way same stressing pressure same crisis but not everybody's managing at well that's why some people will actually come out of this stronger more resilient wealthier or prosperous they will have captured market share their relationships will be healthy stronger better why there are two paths in this type of a of a crisis One path is continual strength the other path these are the people who are
mind control things that they can't control that will exhaust you to please you wear you out that's what I like to do it sometimes pull from stories I like to look at stories like a young woman that was fired from her job in television because her producer said you're too fat fired her in Baltimore Maryland should a mentor named Maya and Maya Angelou said to a young Oprah Winfrey girl you don't have to believe what they tell you will get another job she goes to Chicago she been criticized your two person you share too much of your story on tv nobody cares she goes to Chicago a man named Phil Donahue the reigning king of daytime television she topples him becomes the queen of daytime television becomes a billionaire in the process why because you knock me down in Baltimore I will rise up stronger in Chicago I can have control of my choices in Psychology they teach stimulus-response not true
may be true for Animals Pavlov's dog stimulus something happens I get a choice it will change the outcome it's not just bad things happen to the economy oh my gosh it's not just bad things happen out there we're dead people know you and I get a choice and when we choose that spot in the middle when I choose to be mentally healthy spiritually strong relation Lee resilient when I choose in the middle these are things I can control is when people say you don't understand how bad it is I'll say do you have a library card do you have a Netflix subscription do you have Disney plus let's find some biographies about Maya Angelou at one time in her career to feed her baby boy was a sex worker the one time she was cook
by the time she passed yet 55 honorary doctorates why she reinvented tough times did knock her down forever sometimes knock us down when you get knocked down to ask for help you get back up and that's what I want your listeners to be able to do I don't know they're tough time but I know April they were sitting in the studio with us right now and we could hear their story we would go wow that's what are your choices what options do you have eye teeth at each this chart to my kids called the Yahoo principal Yahoo Yahoo you always have options and opportunities Yahoo you always have options you always have opportunities
I'm going through a tough time but it don't I don't have to let it knock me down forever my company laid me off you know you get laid off from a company go through a tough time Walt Disney went through that invented something called Mickey Mouse going through a tough time if you look at the Jeff Bezos the Elon Musk what happened those tough times and powered them to get creative members of this to pass a zillion path you'll get more creative more focused the other path to get more stressed more overwhelmed and you get a choice but you have to take a breath
you have to call me thinking you have to have powerful conversations just like this one to be able to reinvent that's what you're facing your career could be the best time of your life definitely yes I'm going to take a little break here but in this looks like I want you to let the audience know how they can get more information about you all you have to do is go to Dwight bang.com Dwight b a i n. C o m you can follow me on social media at the white van across all social media I post everyday about resiliency inspiration how to overcome difficult times because I teach on one Topic in the topic is change if you're going through a tough time a crisis maybe you need counseling Focus that's been my background over 30 years from many people their lives are kind of Flatline they came through the lock down and it was just kind of bored you know is this all there is in my marriage and my job
with money I'm kind of bored those people need coaching those individuals need a challenge they need to be able to say what were you born to do and if you know there's more that I can do in my marriage and my family in my relationship my partner and I are in a bad spot you get a chance to work on this you can reinvent you have a choice that's what I do I help people change and watching that's been the greatest joy of my life
yeah what is some tips on helping people learn how to be resilient as it's something you're born with or something that you learn and I know that support system if you know something that really impact what really is is there something you're born with no unless you were blessed to have teenage parents like me because I grew up around she has parents who said yeah those people trying to shame us but special birth special-purpose God's plan for you young one right so you've grown up around amazing parents and I was blessed to have amazing parents then you just grew up kind of looking at the adults in your life going tough times I'll look at turn the electricity off we're going to get some candles we're going to be okay if you if you don't know how to say it is not hurting feelings if if you were born with parents who all the bills were paid the money was always good or my liked each other you had in a Christmas was always fun you never had
rough time I'm kind of sorry for you cuz you're going to have to go to learn resiliency by listen to some stories are some people with some Battle Scars they got the tasks in the piercing that say I've been knocked down but not knocked out because you learn resiliency it's a learned attribute not born with it but you grew up with hardship difficulties of the greatest stories that we draw inspiration from our because we watch people get knocked down but they got back up Chuck wepner at once I was trying to be the heavyweight champion of the world 1972 he's fighting Muhammad Ali he didn't win but he kept in the fight a guy 1972 named Sylvester Stallone watching on Sports Wide World of Sports says that guy keeps getting hit but he never gives up I'm going to write a screenplay about Rocky Balboa the Italian Stallion Philadelphia Pennsylvania I think people would be inspired by the story they were the movie was made for less than a million dollars launch the careers Sly Stallone because
he made a film about don't quit when the Academy Award because American said I need a store like that and I don't know what your Rocky story is but if you don't have one go find one because resiliency comes from living through the battle coming out on the other side and I believe April that your listeners if we were alive and we could take call in I think that people would call and say you have no idea I'm going through my marriage no idea what my partner puts me through no idea what's happening with money and we would listen to those stories and we would save what keeps you going strong and they would tell him you would say that's it that's what you stick with that's what you stay with because the goal of life keep moving forward the secret to life it goes on and why you don't know what I did yesterday I really screwed up hey my name is Dwight I'm a sinner I got a 12-step group that's how we introduced ourselves but I know this you and I can go on we can press on covid-19 will end
the lessons that you learn the lessons you teach your baby boy's baby girls those lessons to live forever those are lessons were talking about that's how you get mental toughness that's how you get resiliency one next one right step at a time when we move forward like that it changes our destiny changes our story but it will Rip on two lives of our kids are friends and others will be encouraged because they'll draw power and courage from how they see us living Our Lives that's why these conversations are so important
to make you stronger and you got to focus on that to continue to move move move move move and some of your writing she talked about c19i mental health timeline
abbreviation for covid-19 and to be honest in a little embarrassed April 5 months ago I didn't I didn't 2019 was 5 months ago if you said what was Zoom I would say I think it's a cleaning product that will make your bathroom Sparkle I didn't know what Zoom was I didn't know what covid-19 was I kind of heard about in January I was absolutely out of the loop so February comes up here a little bit more about it March comes as he hears the covid-19 timeline provide one that your listeners can they can go to your website I want them to be able to have it because of global pandemic comes in three stages
and right now we just entered stage 2 we're recording Us in July 2020 we just entered stage to Stage 2 is 6 months stage 3 will start in January and that will be approximately 12 to 13 months right so a pandemic like this one covid-19 we're looking at the next year-and-a-half of Our Lives from the date of this recording but what I created was a mental health timeline so you could see what is the normal psychological reaction cuz remember it's normal in mid March 2020 to be freaked out that there is no toilet paper at my grocery store right that was normal cuz people like oh my gosh we're going to run out of toilet paper the herd mentality people start to panic remember the street and they stop thinking clearly and because everyone said we're going to run out of toilet paper just like right now there's kind of a shortage of coins quarters nickels dimes pennies
hold onto metal currency instead of paper currency you say Where's that coming from its herd mentality don't try to explain another then people when they're panicked will make very bad decisions you think about that later and go why did I worry about toilet paper right but remember in mid March 2020 April it was about all I've got to have these things and then I'll be okay right so the middle Health Tyler looks at what is normal listen in an abnormal situation is the most abnormal large-scale disaster in the history of our lifetime and I know that we are learning just like we learn from every Mass disaster in the past we learn as a people we get stronger we figure things out together one of us is not as strong as all of us one of us is not as insightful we learn from these conversations and I want our conversation April to Ripple into others because covid-19 timeline we just entered a 6
stretch that will take us into late December it'll take us into early January but I know this but I go 5 months into the future on the time line cuz it's important know it's coming if you know it's coming fact you're not as Panic if you're a college freshman and somebody your sister went to college there and she says let me tell you the ropes let me tell you what in the dining hall to eat what don't eat right where we do we learn from somebody else's experiences if we know what's coming it'll take that anxiety level down but I can tell you he's with the holiday season looks like I'll be home for Christmas the number one song 1943 Bing Crosby singing I'll Be Home for Christmas you can count on me because America was at War and at War I couldn't I couldn't stop the wharf I couldn't stop the Nazis but I could promise mama I'm going to try to be home for Christmas and I think what we're going to see this year is family home people being able to say I just want to be together I don't think there's going to be 1.1 million people in Times Square watching the big ball drop
I think they're going to be at home with the people they love with good food and I think that families with the work you do April's can be more important than ever because I believe this holiday season people will say I want a meaningful relationship I deserve to be loved cared for our home should be the safest place no matter of all hell is breaking loose on the outside this home will be a place of love and support acceptance intimacy everything you teach about will be more important than ever and happens this Christmas if people choose the path of resiliency and strength I'm going to give them the tools to be able to do that and so I said it starts conversations just like this one and I believe you're right people have now focusing so much more on their family through relationships
it will and it will matter and here's the other side of that and it may hurt some people's feelings but what if you're in a dead marriage what if you're in a distant relationship what if you have toxic people around you and you've been locked up with them for 8 weeks at a what people are thinking April they're saying am I going to live the rest of my life with toxic is Funk and what's going to happen if they're going to say well hold up time-out time-out we need to work on this relationship right now because I've spent eight weeks and I haven't had to run and do this take the kids to soccer practice and I've had eight weeks to see maybe a glimpse of our future and we need to make some changes and we need to make those changes right now and you're a change agent to help that's why your work will be more important because I believe more people than ever will say it is unacceptable for me to choose the path that I saw my father walk and he stayed in toxic Houston and dysfunction just because he thought it was right about killed the man
I'm not going to do that I choose healthy or I choose change but I do not choose to stay and something that is toxic dysfunctional dying without at least saying stop the presses we're going to do something about this where do it right now and I'm glad that you mentioned as you know 2022 is a long time from right now they want to be able to say I want to be able to go to my local AMC movie theater and I want to see the new Mission Impossible movie and I want I want the old world but the old old world Overworld never coming back and reshaped culture that we will be okay we will survive but listen to what Charles Darwin said it is the the species that's the most adaptable to change
and if you're able to change quickly you actually get stronger through a situation like this now listen friends if you are not changing quickly in your small business it could be over if you're not changing in your relationship it could get really bad really fast your your relationship with your teenage son your teenage daughter if you see this is going sideways we need to do something we'll do it now covid-19 will impact our culture another 16 to 18 months is who I heard there's a vaccine in about 16 to 18 months
1618 Rodney wear on week 17 as we're recording this April this is going to be affecting us for a long time but it doesn't have to end our ability to build a good quality of life in a difficult time you can actually get better stronger than a difficult time you can maximize to that you the greatest of your potential but it comes back to those work you have to make a choice and you have to sometime say I need some help and you have to do what we're doing right now and that is to open up a conversation and to say I'm not going to go through this alone and that's why I know that your listeners your viewers are going to want access to some of the resources I'll give it to you please share with people that you love the people that you care about because we're not in this alone and together we can get through it better
no question well thank you so much for being on the Shelf please. Macleish are there in information you have whooped it out on all social media I look forward to that and I'm going to do something that my college-age daughter who works at Walt Disney she said dad you got it you got to tell the world about dr. April so so I'm going to take a big smile big smile because she said you got you got to talk her up on social media so in just a few moments I'm going to be talking up on social media because I want all the people in my social media stream to be able to hear this conversation cuz I want them to go home and stay there partner hey bro hey sis stops here we need a healthy relationship and we need to change to the our home because this year Christmas financially could be pretty rough April what's a greatest gift people could give each other it's what you teach if they can have a healthy marriage a healthy family a healthy home environment
they have the greatest gift of all that's worth more than any gift they could financially by because it's something that will last for a lifetime and it's something they can teach their children for the storm to come thank you so much for everything God bless you God bless you, bye-bye we have someone on that will come on the show and talk about singles and dating an intimacy during covid-19
during this difficult time that we are all facing many people are in need of someone to talk to when option is speaking to a therapist to express your anxieties if you're feeling isolated or just need someone that will listen and help you with coping skills to get through
dr. April Brown is now accepting new clients and is working with her existing clients through distance video counseling the services are through a secure online HIPAA based practice management platform called Simple practice this technology can provide a secure two-way interactive video counseling session over the internet
for more information about video counseling please email dr. April Brown at info at dr. April Brown
dot-com or you may call 239-565-6921 thank you and remember we are all in this together
I like walking back to the bring it in Smithfield show where intimacy is real I like to think again Outlast as speaker on the Shelf do I claim he did a great job and so right now we have Lori he can hear us and Laurie is here today and it's Lloyd leave it to the lawyer Dance by Lori how are you doing your speaker is all I want is
your speaker I still cannot hear you your microphone. Welcome to the show you thank you thank you. Let me tell you guys in a little bit about Lori Lori has just recently within the past year move to Southwest Florida she travels a lot of using them RV working around traveling and just trying to figure out I guess what she really wants to do in and hit the business and dance and fitness and she's always been a planner and one of the things that is specialized for her is this whole dating environment and she's an expert in it and so she is created and it didn't called leave it to Lori offense it's a dating
Avenue and so today she's on the show today to talk about that so first how are you doing personally but what's going on with covet and I'm struggling cuz I'm such an extrovert is so this is hard because before covid-19 all around like Bonita Naples Fort Myers booking up all these different type of events and then they got canceled so but yes I like to be out and about so it's been a little hard but it is what it is so you got to do it so I'm just be a bunch of stuff which is what you've been doing how did you get involved working with singles so I have been since I've never been married so I have been on the dating scene for many many many years too many years but I had always thought that like the regular singles events or maybe when you just gather a group of people and meet up at a bar it wasn't very
so I decided once I move to Fort Myers to do singles events but with a Twist so I would hold them at a bar or restaurant and people would come but it'd be a different aspect they would mingle but it was almost like I guess you could call it forced mingling where I would have them rotate around to different groups and I would ask them you know he's group a question and they had to answer the question out loud one at a time so this gave people a chance to just listen to somebody that maybe would have never interacted with in the first place because after they were done with one group I would mix the group stop and moving to another group and ask him to discuss another question so it was a great opportunity for people to kind of focus on the person your personality and their story and not just initially on the physical aspect
so it went very very well actually and then I had a thought I'm like I had met a life coach and I was like I think we should start adding more because dating is you know it's very hard and I think a lot of people are not sure how to do it anymore they don't trust the internet there are a lot of people out there who claim they're ready for relationship and honestly they're not maybe it's because they were just recently divorced and they think they're ready or they're not or their widowed or you know they have some underlying family issues or whatnot so I brought and Amy who is a life coach and then another girl named Sarah who was more did the sexual coaching so Amy after we did the mingling of that Amy did a whole hour talk to them on the mental side of dating and being very direct as to what you want
also looking inside yourself and being very self-aware you know being self-aware about your strengths and weaknesses and where you truly are mentally physically and emotionally and then you know she brought some people on stage and we did some exercises and then we ended with Sarah who studies the erotic blueprint I'm not sure if you've ever heard of that but it talks about more of your physical preferences kind of like the love language which is more of like how you receive lover gift log and Sarah's was more about the intimacy part of the physical side like what you want and it was just phenomenal because
it was mingling with loosen them up and then we got to sit down and kind of talk about more of the serious real topics and you know people laugh meeting people they never would have if it wasn't interactive if it was just you know hey let's all meet at a bar lets you know what I mean so has Laura of a very intimate discussion and that's what makes you unique and I force them to mingle because sometimes if you go out you know what I mean you could find somebody attractive and spend the whole night speaking with them and then
you could have missed a person who really is the right one for you because you didn't mischley go up to them cuz you didn't initially find them physically attractive or maybe you didn't notice them in the crowd but the remind me everyone gets to see everybody cuz I constantly moving them around and they get to speak you know one on one in the questions are you know first three General where you from and why you can't get within the other ones are like you know what's on your bucket list or what's something you're proud of or you know what are units personalized very personal argument earlier relationship ready there's some people even in the since I've been counseling there now recognizing the importance in their life to have someone you know cuz they're starting to feel unloved and stuff so before we go into the dating part what is relationship red
what does that actually mean
so I could use myself as an example you know I am ready for a relationship you know I was lucky enough to throw up with a fantastic family I don't really have any underlying family issues I haven't resolved by not widowed I not recently divorced actually never been divorced I don't have kids so I'm kind of an anomaly at my age where you know I'm building a business I'm writing a book everything is going well and I feel mentally physically and emotionally ready for a relationship which means you know I don't want a casual hookup I don't want I want a relationship I want to build a relationship or friendship I want a partnership and I know I've done a lot of work on myself that it's I'm ready for that so I am relationship ready in a lot of people
you know maybe don't put those two words together they think they're ready but what are they really ready for ya so you may have baggages from previous relationship issues with their kids or their store their job you know what could be anything but we're all human beings and negative things are stressful things that are going on in our life impact relationships especially in very beginning of dating when you really don't know somebody in your learning to know somebody obviously once you're dating and you know things come up you can deal with them much better together and you understand the person and how they deal with stress and how you can support no more which way is they don't want to be supported or what you should or shouldn't say
so that's why I'm trying to you know get people mingling meet people who they wouldn't but also let's talk about where you are truly in are you truly asking for what you want from another person whether it's you know this is what I want this is the type of person I want I mean you really can't be successful in a relationship until first of all we did a life coaching session calls you do you before you do someone else meaning you need to be aware of you love you love you and then you need to be very very sure of what you want out of a relationship before you even put yourself out there. You know when everyone can do what they want some people want very casual dating some people want to hook up some people want a relationship some people want to get married but you've truly me
know what you want before you
Costa profile or put yourself out there so you can make sure the other person is on the same page as you are like cuz there is a thing called The Law of Attraction what you put out there in the atmosphere you get back
so exactly what you're saying so if your feel like in your relationship ready baby you've been out of a relationship for a few years and your new healing next. How did you go about approaching the dating world
well that's a good question because specially now dating is all internet-based and I think I'm actually writing a book about dating which I can talk about I think I always say that I was born in the wrong era I can wish I was born back in the days you know where you had a conversation on the phone not via text and you met someone you like and you just stated that one person know today you could meet someone you like but you're also talking with 20 other people on a website and
you know courting different it's just it's just very very different today than it used to be and I really miss those days I mean you know I'm 48 so there were days when you know we didn't have texting or the computer so we had to meet people very organically and I think that's very hard today so
honestly I don't know how you would need someone truly if your relationship ready except put yourself out there and unfortunately
you know a lot of dating sites even the ones you pay for when I was writing my book I found out some very interesting statistics is that for example one of them and you know I found it on the web I know it will be in my book but it was a quote that 60 to 65% of the profiles of the people on there other people who are already in a relationship
1 and 10 profiles are fake but so I mean that's kind of like what my book is about it's about kind of the reality of dating and it's that I don't think there is unknown answer there are like
millions millions of people on dating sites and it is about 8,000 dating websites and apps out there so you can in the thing is the reason and you would think well people truly knew where to go to find a relationship there wouldn't be the millions of people in there wouldn't be 8,000 dating websites so mean I don't want to put a damper on it but I guess I mean I remember one person telling me it's a numbers game for some people it's a great or others may not be so great if you're not very social can you get nervous Navy internet dating is a great way for you to start with the initial exchanges of emails in the text and
but like you said is coming also like your personality which goes back to me and I would mention the love language but I'm a big quality time person just in general we have the choice I'd rather be sitting with you face-to-face and talking then or like with my family while they're up in New England but like I am all about quality time I love this do nothing for me has been everything is due and I'm like oh I just want to like sit with you and see you face to face and steal your energy so yeah I mean obviously your personality is going to determine things you do but my new thing is love you don't put yourself out there they're not going to come knocking on your door so you just mentioned that you are writing a book I'm writing a book
it came about because of Colvin and I I have so many dating stories and because I've never been married I have been dating for 20-something years of my life and he's always had long relationships 3 years for years but no people save me why didn't you get married and I said because they never found someone I wanted to marry so I was like I am going to write people that always told me you should write about your dating stories because you're so funny you're like I'm from the Boston area so we tend to be a little bit more you know assertive and crab near like you need to write these down so I wrote a book is excuse me in advance for swearing but I did check into your dating what the fuck and it's a? And it's almost done actually wow and it is I begin the book with this is not a cell
help book so if you're looking for Hope don't continue to read on funny it's funny and I find statistics online and I make my comments about some of the topics are like where did the word dating come from or one of the other funny things is when did Men start naming their penis and it goes back to the 1610 statistics about dating and it's just very funny raunchy and just kind of like the reality of where we were all at and I did it because you know it's very
pertains to this time that were in Wilk a crazy amount of singles and how many there are and then also just so people can relate like oh my gosh I went through that or they can email me once the books on feel like I have a story for you it's even worse than yours you know I reached out to some people and they had told me some funny stories be able to access your book bio book so it's almost done so what I am doing is I have created an email I am going to treat the books website it's all going to be ready by the time the book comes out so it can lead you to the website but I created an email and it's doubly I'm sorry it's D WTF 72 at gmail.com for dating what the fuck and then the year I was born 72 at gmail.com so what I'm doing is anyone who is interested in the book if they eat
tell me I'm going to send them out of chapter 4 free lunch after they can read it you know I think it would be great specially since we're all stuck at home they can read it tell me what they think but yet so they would like a chapter I'm going to send anyone who emails a free chapter of the book which is title 46 again DWTS 72 at gmail.com so the acronym for the title of the book DWTS 72 at gmail.com and I'm finishing up the book so I'll be you know deciding very strong the chapter and I also have a line of singles t-shirts that I am created that will also be a part of the book and will allow them to get the link to go to the t-shirts why don't you tell us more about the different things that you're doing and how people can reach out to you
so I'm hoping to go back into the end person events unfortunately Florida is going through a really tough time right now and who knows if we're going to shut down again but when we did have covid-19 actually brought all the events to the web okay and we had about 40 participants at time and in the beginning it was free and we did calls with Amy alive coach that I mentioned in cars who's a friend and it wasn't he's a life coach and it was nice to have a perspective of a male and a female I did was with another life coach that did you do you before you do someone else Amy and Garth did anything from qualifying questions like when you're out dating what kind of questions should you ask to truly know you know some of us really don't even know what to ask and honestly if you are looking for a relationship you do need to ask qualifying questions that we did that we did psychic psychic
mediums and we have like 40 people on the call and I would say 95% of the people on the psychic call asked about when they're going to find love everybody wants to find love yes so we brought those put to the webinar for a bunch of months we did again maybe in August or yes I'm trying to focus on finishing the book okay focusing on that and then the t-shirt line and I'm starting I'm actually starting an Internet dating website which is a little different which I will talk about more so it will be in the book more so the details I'm really just starting it but it's going to be very very different almost like the singles events
on the web with life coaching and just a little bit different haven't really started that yet but I do have a lot of things that I wanted you focused on single what is the tips for people who are thinking of other dating a child in this covid-19 what are some resources are tips that you found used for
you know what now that I think about it now that you say that this might be a great time for people since dating can be a little bit rough to do some exercises for themselves okay so I continued some life coaching my writing Mentor who is helping me with my book she's a published author and a life coach and I've also done business coaching with her but through all that I've learned a lot about myself and through the life coaching with Amy learning you know how to be more direct in what I want so I think in order to be successful now might be a great time to create your vision board and I don't know if people know what a vision board is the big board cut out images of things you want like on my board is a book because I want to get my book published on the board is
you know about cuz someday I'd love to be have a boat you know stuff like that she would create a vision board I do an affirmation Journal where you just put you know I am fantastic but I am capable of a phenomenal relationship or I am capable or will succeed in a business I want to start so because I'm stuck at home I'm doing a lot of work on myself which will only benefit mean when it comes to dating
so regarding hip or you know that's kind of why I wrote the book because I honestly and I'm going to be very honest I don't think anybody truly knows the answer it's a lot different today than it was back in on my parents are in the seventies and married 50 years back when they were dating it's such a different world today and in a lot of ways I don't think it's going in the right direction because of the internet one person said it's almost like a catalog because there's so many options you can create you know your specialized order regarding height weight skin tone religion and then you know what the point is well maybe what you think you want isn't truly what you want
I think a lot of self-reflection doing work on yourself maybe reading some books getting some life coaching doing a vision board creating an affirmation Journal would obviously help you mentally physically and emotionally just for yourself and for dating and I agree with you and that ass but this one he's been off the dating world for about five years now I see you're very lucky April you're very lucky, sometimes when things are happening you got to make a change exactly what you're talkin about yourself
you know what I did was I signed to work on myself I focused on exactly hey what do I really want what am I bringing to the table and what if I really want and I think that was hard now too because when you're single like my whole family is up north and I move down here you're going to have some friends but when you're single I mean I live alone with my dog and cat I think the fact that you are single and alone is much more prominent during covid-19 stuck at home yes so it's even tougher you know some people are still afraid to go out and meet you know the first time date some people are obviously every state is different you know but Florida is kind of a mess but
you know I definitely think it's a tough time for single people definitely not even single people who are looking for love or just single people in general I mean I'm an introvert but it's a tough time for you get into okay well then it's definitely a tough time for extroverts like myself so yes and if you're dating or if you're about to go take a dump don't get rid of your friends cuz some people get no yes and they pick it up and put your friends and having a strong support system in your family really can help you two times like this
now it's a you know dates can come and go but not your friends and family and you know you got to make sure you realize what's most important and even though my family is far away we doing in Skype and I've made a couple friends down here and it is very important in general you know when I talk to my parents about dating I'm very open with them and I mean they could probably it'd be interesting to it for them to tell you stories from their Christmas with my family and I did get to go home a couple times but yeah this is a tough time for single people are just people who are alone but you know what is a great time to do internet dating and I guess and you know what I done do calls I've done FaceTime calls with people so like FaceTime internet you know hey you want to see which I think is great because one of them is complaints about internet dating is people don't look like their pictures
so when you FaceTime you get together and talk without the distraction of the bar or you know join online just to do different games or activities which may be
another way of meeting people I mean I am you know I I have been out and about and I have done some meeting of people but like you said there are still still some in person event but there are a lot of June events now you know they're doing book clubs over soon they are doing women's business networking over there doing so many things over Zoom which does help if you're afraid to go out thank you so much for being in the show I mean it's been a pleasure Ellis again how we can get in contact with you if we have any questions or want you get information about upcoming events so I will give you my two emails I didn't mention but you had mentioned leave it to Lori events is my event company which is kind of on hold but you go on Facebook and type in leave it to Lori events and that's l o r i
you can go on the Facebook page or if you want to email me it's leave it to Lori events at gmail so it's l e a v e i t
c o l o r e v e n t s at gmail.com so leave it to Lori events at gmail.com and then the book for dating what the fuck where I'm going to send everyone a free chapter if they email me that email address is basically the acronym DWTS 72 at gmail.com thank you so much you're always welcome back on this so we can get together in person and do some of that work we wanted to do yes definitely thank you April so much thank you I would like to thank you guys so much for listening thank you my first guess who I think being at the show and he's welcome to join us and in the Saudi and the time. Right now we're in you know time. Of Hobart and for many of us and I'm hoping you you enjoyed the two prisoners that came out because they talked about
and they talked about getting out there and let's talk about me and venting yourself and so if you feel like you're stuck and you're like oh my gosh I'm so lonely I don't know what to do think about whether you talk to the counselor a therapist a pastor or your friend on how to do something different in this time. Something different but there's things that you want like the Lord would say maybe creating a vision board there's opportunities out there and I'm always here to help this is been to bring intimacy back show where intimacy is real thank you guys and I'll see you guys next time