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Reclaiming Authenticity, 13/05/2022

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Reclaiming Authenticity
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Don't Shake the Family Tree Too Hard!

Reclaiming Authenticity with Dr James Houck

Title: Don't Shake the Family Tree Too Hard!

Reclaiming Authenticity

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Reclaiming Authenticity: The courage to reclaim that which has always been in you.

No matter who we are, where we were born, and into what family we were placed, ours is a world full of relationships. Indeed, we are social beings who spend our lives making sense of our world by trying to find our place in the world. As social beings, it is often within the context of relationships that we experience tremendous pain and suffering. From overt acts of betrayal and cruelty that someone may have inflicted against us or vice versa, to simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, many people bear the scars of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual wounds. And yet ironically, just as we experience our woundedness in relationships, it is also within the context of healthy relationships that we find our healing and authenticity. The difficulty, then, is often finding the courage to discover that which has always been in you.

For over 25 years, Dr. James Houck has been helping people discover their authentic selves by integrating spirituality into their mental and emotional health. As people are able to integrate these disciplines, they often discover core issues that have been keeping them wounded in relationships.

Bi-Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
2:00 pm CT
2:55 pm CT
Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

and now with over 25 years of experience.
good afternoon everybody one and all welcome to Friday the 13th they are we go May 13th 2022 alright I trust that your day is going swimmingly it is going well for you and I don't know I made a lot of people who make a big deal out of it just like and so forth but maybe you're the type of person who gets paid on Fridays or every other Friday and do you happen to get paid today so that's a plus right there so I get good afternoon everyone welcome to reclaiming authenticity helping you find your courage to reclaim that which has always been in you one of the things that I find very exciting about talking about reclaiming authenticity is a fact that you are discovering our gifts things that already
lie within us you know it's just a matter of Having the courage to let's go find them and see where they are as we we all have been gifted and graced and so forth okay so very excited to be with you here today and every Friday at 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time noon Pacific Standard Time in between because each and every week during this time these broadcasts are dedicated to the integration of our spirituality and our mental health and all place within the context of our relationships with ourselves others and God or the Divine Doctor James house and if you would like more information about me or to leave me your comments about Today Show invite you to visit the website it's reclaiming authenticity that's
reclaiming authenticity and if you would like to call in and be part of the show the number is 888-627-6008 that's 888-627-6008 and I'll be taking your calls after the break about midway between the hour and these broadcasts podcast in case you want to go back and listen again or you can even go back into the archives and listen to previous shows that you may have messed and so I just wanted to take this opportunity just to thank everybody for their support over the past 12 years now and I would just like to say that you have the opportunity to continue your support by becoming a monthly subscriber. Just a little caveat here a monthly subscription is not required to access and listen to my talk shows but it is greatly appreciated so again you would just go on to
websites and choose the banner on subscriptions and then choose an amount that you feel comfortable giving and so thank you for that before we get things underway today I'd also wanted to invite you to tune into a special 100 episode that it's broadcast coming up in three weeks on Friday June 10th 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard Time right here on CBS station one and not only is this going to be my 100th episode also marked the beginning of my third year broadcasting with BBs radio and what I believe is going to make this broadcast extra special is that I would like you to pick the topic for me to discuss on the air that day
anything you would like to hear or talk about related to the integration of mental health and spirituality just drop me a few lines at b.b. forward slash reclaiming authenticity yes I would like to share with everyone where I'm coming from in terms of what is reclaiming authenticity basically reclaiming authenticity comes from a deep-seated belief in myself that all of us coming to the world already equipped and graced with everything we need for this life in terms of our business or let's say our skills or talents are strengths are character traits so on and so on and how we live out our skills and
Arlington strength and so forth is in and through various relationships whether they be personal relationships or professional relationships because you see it it doesn't matter who we are or where we were born or into what family we were placed ours is a world that's just filled with relationships
and indeed we are social beings who often spend our lives trying to make sense out of our world and different experiences by simply trying to find our place in the world you know where do I fit how can I use Mike my giftedness my my skills my talents my strengths my personality where can I shine where can I use my passions and so forth and as social beings it's often within the context of relationships that we experienced tremendous pain and suffering and it's very unfortunate that you know it's it's in this particular context I could be just over it acts of betrayal or cruelty that somebody has inflicted against us or
we may have inflicted on others or to Simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time many people bear the scars of physical psychological emotional even spiritual woundedness and yet here's the irony in life that how we often receive our deepest physical emotional psychological and spiritual wounds in relationships and perhaps unpleasant experiences we hide our giftedness or we push our passions and skills and our uniqueness way down inside of us so that others cannot see it all because we were told that well you'll never amount to anything or that you know you'll never measure up you know to another person's standards or whatever other voice you heard telling you that there is nothing special to you
and yet here's the irony we can also discover our greatest healing and strength and peace and forgiveness and love through healthier relationships and they could be professional these relationships just might be within our own families or we're co-workers or friends and yet because we are in a relationship with others once we are transformed and once we find our healing and once we find our voice and purpose and so forth in life and as we are you know transforming and as we are being transformed we can also transform others one degree or another you know simply by our presents or Grayson on our understanding because we begin to see ourselves and others and the world differently
can't because you know since we are healing and we are being transformed and we see ourselves differently we are going to not only see one another differently for also going to treat one another differently but first forgiveness kindness and compassion really begins with how we treat ourselves because to put it quite simply when we are compassionate with ourselves we then can be more compassionate with others and when we are more forgiving with ourselves we then can be more forgiving with others and when we are able to live in gratitude with ourselves then we can discover how this opens our hearts to see and live and gratitude with others so all in all transformation first and foremost begins with us and yet it goes out from us
this is what reclaiming authenticity is all about reclaiming that which has always been in you
where is one of my favorite author is Richard War puts it your true self is who you are and always have been and God the great surprise and irony is that you or who you think you are really has nothing to do with this original creation or its demise it's sort of disempowering an utterly empowering at the same time as in it and all you can do is nurture it and that comes from Richard rohr's book The Immortal Diamond the search for our true self well welcome to as I said Friday the 13th welcome to the broadcast this particular show is entitled don't shake that family tree too hard cuz you never know what or who's going to fall out okay here we go how many of you have ever searched your family tree night we have all kinds of
dot-coms and apps out there we have we have and so forth and there are simply too many websites out there to assist us in finding out more about those who have come before us we have DNA testing you know kind of like 23andMe which shows us our regional backgrounds in terms of our genetic makeup and all of these sites have been gaining popularity over the years but talk about irony not everybody shares this enthusiasm in fact I've met a few people who are content not know who's in their family line I mean they simply believe in leaving well enough alone the fact there was one woman who said to me you know be careful when you start shaking that family tree cuz you'll never
what's going to fall out so yes I stole her line is you use the title for the show but still exciting and they all have a sense of mystery you know maybe we started to do this when we were in school where you had to interview your parents or your grandparents and maybe you could even talk to your great-grandparents are you on so forth and just you know where were you born what did you do for a living and so forth and maybe they could fill in some gaps and some stories as to you know their grandparents and so we kind of have an idea of where we came from or who we came from but they are a lot of fun and like I said now with the apps that are out there we can go a little bit deeper and just kind of become more intrigued about exactly what's going on in that family line and
you know maybe some of us are you know secretly hoping to find a famous ancestor do you know somebody who made a great contribution to society or who left their Mark in the world and very profound ways that we can kind of brag on them and brag on ourselves and say why you know I'm related to you know that that makes me special you do or whatever it might be but you know we can only go back so far maybe we can go back to let's say you know early nineteen hundreds or the 1800 1700 maybe the 1600s Maybe
and from there the trail really starts to grow cold so to speak depending on who or what you can find and yet when you think about it or genealogy goes back much further than where these genealogy sites can take us and there are millions and millions of ancestors who have come before us at all we have to do is look at our blood and realize that they're all in there you know it's not just DNA but it's everybody who has come before us this is something that I love to share with the kids that I canceled when you know they're there wanted to know more about their family line or their genealogy or if they are they have to do a family tree for school or something like that I don't encourage them to go like stab themselves you know what that with a pen Nyan prick their fingers and look at their blood but they've also had skinned knees or you know
maybe they've accidentally cut themselves or something and you know just reminding them that you know our ancestors are always close to us whether they be resent or they go back several multiple multiple multiple generations and then some and you know it's
we we can certainly appreciate this all of us can because there's also something inside of us not just the blood but there's also something inside of us that wants to know a little bit more information in terms of their context you know what were their stories what were their circumstances but just how did they live but also how did they struggle how do they get along and it has been their life and what were some of the like that the local and National events that they you know collectively struggled with
but let's say just for the sake of argument that we can trace our family trees back as far as we can and we just so happen to run into an ancestor or two or three or whatever who were a little shady. No pun intended okay and we start digging into the circumstances and the times in which they live and you know we find that our ancestors may have been overwhelmed to the point that their resiliency was quickly exhausted or perhaps you know their resiliency was chipped away over time by Relentless oppression
or maybe we found and you know in our ancestors you know had to do what they had to do not necessarily being proud of what they did but then again they had to do what they had to do in order to survive or defend and raise their families or to make ends meet
maybe our ancestors didn't always make the best decisions or even consider the impact of their decisions and then and how that impacted you know you know their relationships especially those who have yet to be born
just so you know perhaps our ancestors never considered the additional physical or psychological or emotional or spiritual burdens that were placed on others because of how they benefited or maybe how they were burdened in life
babies are ancestors abused drugs or alcohol or maybe what they struggled with other addiction types because it was yummy perceived available thing that they had to hold themselves together which only made matters worse for themselves and their families or perhaps maybe we would also find that our ancestors were unaware of the psychological and emotional roles they played in order to let's say unconsciously maintain you know some sort of Sanity through the daily chaos or codependency or confusion or even self-sabotaging behaviors typically found in families with addictions
maybe as we go back through the family line you know we may find an ancestor or two or three or four who attempted or completed suicide because of their emotional pain and hopeless. Just started to become too great for them to see any other way through their problems
and perhaps our ancestors initiated a cycle of physical emotional or even sexual abuse out of their own experiences of being ridiculed or abused or beaten or shamed
and on the other hand some of our ancestors may have been the abusers Striking fear in the hearts of others through let's say extortion or greed or manipulation or violence and oppression
you know as we go back to our family line and we may find ancestors who were guilty of pulling the triggers or exploding bombs that ended the lives of many
maybe our ancestors you know they may have turned a blind eye to society's wounded and the than the so-called in significant people that were being oppressed or shunned or tortured or killed as their hands held the shovels that opened and closed the Earth for Mass Graves
and maybe just maybe as we start shaking that tree we find that our ancestors went along with family and committed the atrocities in order to get along with those in power
maybe our ancestors reflected assignments and different indifference in the face of atrocities and reaped or even rate the benefits from systems of Oppression and so far
well if there's one lesson that anybody everyone who searches a family tree learns it's that nobody's family line is spotless now if that's not to label people as good or bad or positive and negative people are who they are people were who they were now I don't know if you've ever had a chance to read genealogies of other people but if you never have encouraged you to read at least one other person's genealogy because there's one genealogy out there that has always fascinated me and that's the genealogy of Jesus and the reason why I'm so fascinated by this genealogy is because when I read this account which is right there in the first chapter of Matthew's gospel
I'm truly amazed at why would Matthew even include this geology in our genealogy in the first place it because when you you go down that you understand the backstory and you understand the people who are in Jesus's genealogy the thing reads like an R-rated version of Who's Who
I mean you you go and you trace the the the people who are listed and then go back to the Old Testament and you find their stories and so forth and I mean there were people who are guilty of committing all kinds of evil Acts were guilty of rape or murder some we're guilty of lying and cheating and stealing and adultery and then there were some who were also very kind and loving and righteous
but you know why did Matthew find it necessary to include this genealogy in his good news
well they're certainly various interpretations regarding the reason and purpose behind Matthew beginning his gospel with this family tree you know I've heard arguments that it was well to establish the truth that Jesus came through the kingly line of David Dale what the prophets had spoken about Jesus and still there's others who would say that they simply just don't know
well I want to propose another meaning and purpose of this genealogy which brings us right into integrating spirituality and our mental health and that's in looking at the genealogy of Jesus and and looking at our own genealogy and trying to make sense of why in the world do we have the kind of people that we have in our genealogy and so forth that in spite of the individuals that were in the family tree of Jesus didn't stop Jesus from coming into the world
and instead of the individuals that were in our family tree it didn't stop us from coming into the world and more importantly it didn't stop the grace of God maybe the spirit of God continued despite human interactions down through the generations
and when we understand our own genealogy and we go back through our own history we can also discover that the grace of God has never stopped. The grace of God can never be forwarded even in the lives of those who have yet to be born
so in other words those who will follow us however far the genealogy goes out from us it could be for another thousand two thousand years we don't know but the grace of God will always be there life always finds a way
and you see all of us are parts of the lineages that carry stories and this is the gem of the in the in the importance of finding our genealogy in tracing out our genealogy even shaking the tree to see who and what's going to come falling out and this is something that I always emphasize with people I counsel who are trying to get out from under the family stories that have been keeping them emotionally and psychologically and spiritually tied to generational woundedness
but how is this.
Well actually it all begins with us and how we tell our stories as well as how we see ourselves as ones who are equipped to heal not just ourselves but also our families
we don't achieve this by manipulating our stories or embellishing them but rather starting from a healed and healthier place within ourselves in other words what we send out will be returned to us and this is the part that I really love to share with kids because I get kids or teenagers in the counseling session with me and you know there are just so fed up or tired or they're overwhelmed or overcome or just second in their stomachs for always being blamed for well if it wasn't for you the family wouldn't be in this predicament or you know if you would be a better kid then one of the things I just I start off with kids like to eat ice a right to them I go look
we're going to talk about whatever is the issue but I want you to know that you're not part of the problem you're part of the solution and not the kind of you know get some right there they don't know what to do with that you know they've they've never been considered you know as as a solution to the family problem they've always been the one who has been scapegoated or or whatever and you know sooner or later when I'm done talking with kids and for those of you who've been listening to me for some time you've heard this story before
that you do as the kids share their stories with a teenager share their stories and just exactly what's going on in and how bad is it or what would you like to do better or things like that they realize that
the issue or the problem didn't start with that you because it goes back maybe several generations and yet they have this underlying resentment then when they have this realization you know they they usually say to me but then why do I have to be here with you if it didn't start with me and I tell them I know that's because you're the strongest one in the family to be able to heal
if you doubt your family's pain
because obviously if it was coming down through the generations the family wasn't strong enough to stop it you know whatever intergenerational traumatic patterns or perceptions or assumptions where we're coming down it's in a referral because I just rattled off about maybe 5-10 minutes ago just different aspects of you know how our ancestors lived their lives or what they had done and so forth and you know maybe they didn't know any better maybe they couldn't do anything to stop it you know because they weren't the strongest ones but I was try to encourage the kids. On a teenager's that you are the strongest ones and and not to keep additional burden on them but you know how they can heal their families by first healing themselves and realizing you don't know you're not the problem the solution but then you know going back and you know looking after genealogy together
and you know simply incorporating the stories as far back as they can go the stories of their ancestors and understanding that yeah maybe your ancestors had to do things that they weren't crowd off
but you can still heal them by that understanding by getting rid of your own bitterness or anger or resentment or unforgiveness towards them
Anna steaks. This is certainly a process this is not something like it's a one-and-done thing and Mike are you okay you're all good go live your life you know it's going to take a while because these generational an intergenerational traumatic experiences have developed over time it's just that now you know you have one in the present generation who can do something about it so that's always exciting and we began by you know I just listen to how the you know that either the child or the teenager tells those stories and I'll say more about that you know I'm the second half of the show so you know what we send out will be returned to us or as I say to the kids you know we live in an echo
it's the same thing and so if we want to hear relationships are we sending out healing Grace are we sending out a living in better relationships with ourselves and others and got it where the Divine and as we are you know sending out healthier things or more loving loving kindness and so forth that will certainly be returned to us in one form or another so if you would like to call that and discuss this in a little bit more detail you know and then just share what's on your heart regarding this or maybe you have a nice story about your own genealogy the number to call in is 888-627-6008 that's 888-627-6008 and I'll be taking your calls after the break again you are listening to reclaiming authenticity and I'm your host dr. James hauke be back with you in 1 minute
okay welcome back I am dr. James how can you have been listening to reclaiming authenticity again I just want to share a little bit about next week show just going to give you a heads up regarding that it's entitled which way is up the law of Correspondence that you've heard before not quite sure like what is that or anyting but basically the law of Correspondence states that what happens around us is a direct reflection of what is happening within us and other words your internal sense of who you are determined your external environment in fact how you're feeling is also what you're manifesting
another way to put it is that this law states that patterns repeat throughout the Universe and on a personal level our reality is a mirror of what's Happening inside of us at the moment or think of it this way as above so below as within so without
now therefore we're going to be taking a look at that 12 universal laws starting next week with which way is up the law of Correspondence and I don't want to invite you to tune into a special 100 episode Broadcast coming up in three weeks as I mentioned at the beginning of the broadcast today on Friday June 10th 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard Time right here on BTS Radio. Calm Station 1 100th episode it will also Mark the beginning of my third year broadcasting with BBs radio and what will make this broadcast extra special is that I would like you to pick the topic for me to discuss on the air that day
anything you want to hear or talk about related to the integration of mental health and spirituality just drop me a few lines at www.bts reclaiming authenticity
well earlier in the show I was talking about how we all I believe that we all want to connect with our ancestors as well as to see how they connect with us but apart from knowing who's in our family tree I think we also want to know more about the context in which our ancestors lived and fought all of us are part of lineages that carry those stories that are placed within a greater context and this is something that I said you know right before the break that I emphasize with people I counsel who are are very much struggling to get out from under the family stories that keep them emotionally and psychologically tied to generational and intergenerational woundedness but again cuz it sounds so easy but yet there's a process
to this actually it all begins with you know how we tell our stories as how we see ourselves as ones who are equipped not just to heal ourselves but also can we heal our families and I think we can and we don't achieve this healing by manipulating our stories or embellishing them or just making stuff up or filling in gaps or whatever but rather starting from a healed and a healthier place within ourselves again what we send out will be returned to us
and maybe you were like me in school that's you learned how to write a story you know you have to capture the what when where why and how or who was or is the Storyteller in the family. My family was me and yeah both my wife and I tell stories and so forth but whenever our kids were smaller instead of reading a story to them I would tell them a story which their minds would connect to and and they would get all wound up and wouldn't be able to go to sleep afterwards then for some reason I would get in the trouble was my fault but you know when you listen to or read a story what captures your attention
is it the mental images that are formed in your mind
is it the deeper lessons or the morals that are found in the storyline itself
or perhaps it was the way in which the story was told that created and excitement or an enthusiasm and maybe this is why you know the audible app is so popular today you know there there's something so fascinating about hearing a story that's being read to us and you know the address of the whole premise behind the movie The Reader that your first it was a book and then later a movie but the reader was a story set in post World War II Germany as the country attempts to rebuild itself if you've never seen this movie I just highly recommend it because it's something I'm sure it's on Amazon Prime or Netflix even and as The Story Goes is this is where teenager Michael Berg meets Hannah Schmidt and she was a bus conductor and a much older woman than he was and the relationship is is
passionate the second least you're just kind of evolved over your short amount of time but also what makes the relationship memorable is that Hannah Schmidt would often ask Michael to read to her
and he had no idea that she couldn't read and this goes on for some time she just said well you know tell me a story read this to me and so forth and she just enjoyed you know here in the story and she got the mental images in her mind but she didn't know how to read but I got in the shoes you know her Pride wouldn't let her tell Michael that
and you know what day he moves away without informing Michael and of course you know puppy love he's confused and heartbroken yet years later while studying law at Heidelberg University Michael is appalled to discover that Hannah is on trial for a heinous Nazi war crime so if you haven't seen the movie or read the book I won't give away the ending but they didn't just invite you to enjoy this story because bring up on another article that thing was article that was dated April 2020 and PR did a story entitled how stories connect and persuade us unleashing the brainpower of narrative
and according to the article with the benefit of MRI scans and many different areas of the brain you know the word just shown to light up when somebody is listening to a story or a narrative and not just the areas of the brain that are responsible for language processing but also other neurological circuits so to speak also what up are you for instance during more emotional sections of a story one study found that the neurons responsible for processing emotions arising from sounds will they were activated
so as you hear a story unfold your brain waves actually start to synchronize you know what those are the Storyteller and dr. Yuri Hudson professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Princeton he found that as one person told a story and the other person listened they found that the greater the listeners comprehension the more closely the brain wave patterns mirrored those of the Storyteller
the brain activity into people
we're almost identical so another words story stick with us often because of the metaphors people use to tell their stories
and storytelling also helps with learning because stories are easy to remember there was a organizational psychologist or there is an organizational psychologist Peg Neuhauser I found that learning which stems from a well-told story is remembered more accurately and for far longer than learning simply drive from facts and figures and psychologist Jerome Bruner his research suggested that fax or Twenty times more likely to be remembered if they're part of a story
and I can certainly attest to this because I can remember the many stories my history teacher told us back in eighth grade you know whether he was talking about the Revolutionary War or the Civil War he would always Place us right in the story lines as if we were there and it was just for me a lover of History was just fascinating spring all this knowledge of Storytelling and mental images right into the world of mental health and storytelling is a powerful means of helping people find the healing and peace they are desperately searching for because it places their experiences within a context
it's how people find meaning that's how people make sense of what they've been through or are going through presently
because when you think about it everyone I cancel has a story to tell in fact every person's life is a story worth telling and every story worth telling is a story worth listening to
and I've listened to many stories told in sadness and pain and listening to the metaphors in the images in the analogies
I've listened to stories told in heartbreak and anger and I'm also listen to many stories told in joy and hope and peace and forgiveness
and one of the more interesting aspects I have found is that when people tell their story from a place of anger they typically forget all the other good things that have occurred in their life it's almost as if anger produces a form of Amnesia or at least selective Amnesia just stick it out that's what they been erased it almost has it passed emotional or psychological physical and spiritual woundedness is all that can be remembered In the Heat of the Moment
because you see when we get used to telling a story a certain way we do tend to forget all the other things that came before it's almost as if it is conveniently erased for the time being
but as we tell our stories from a healthier place as we are healing as we gain understanding as we forgive
this is all stuck in this also allows others to connect to the healthier places within themselves
but what allows us to make this shift not just in telling our stories differently but also that this shift of you know how people can identify with our stories and we can identify with there's Well author Marianne Williamson states that we can actually tell how much we have healed from the past because we have forgotten the pain in the memory and it's kind of ironic you know as we tell our stories from a place of wholeness we forget the paint when the stories are told from that place of wholeness And yet when we tell our story is from a place of anger we tend to forget all the good
I say that again that whenever we tell our stories from a place of wholeness we forget about the pain when the stories are told from that place of wholeness And yet when we tell our stories from a place of anger or pain we tend to forget all the good
I think about that soup with that this weekend and just
listen to how you tell your stories
is everybody has their authentic voice
and where there's a voice there is Sound a course where there is sound there's vibration
and this is where healing occurs
we change the voice we change the vibration then ultimately we change the energy
has a counseling educator and clinician and a pastor or professional I really struggle sometimes with people's beliefs that when it comes to really dealing with their physical emotional and spiritual problems they consider themselves without a voice
they consider themselves powerless they sometimes throw up their hands and say well there's nothing I can do that's in the past what can I do you know perhaps this is a result of never feeling valued or never being allowed to use their voice or never even knowing that they do have a voice
and admittedly many people are unable to perceive their insights and strengths as if they can't see themselves capable of healing let alone achieving anything meaningful in their lives
and let me let's be honest you know most of the time are we content to live for brief moments of Joys and celebrations marked off by let's say the Milestones of baptisms and marriages and birthdays graduations promotions and retirements and so forth
and you know when it comes to wrestling with life's questions many people are often overwhelmed not only by the concept that the answers they seek often lie within themselves but also the belief that inner Freedom peace joy and unconditional love in their minds are all too good to be true you know that those things belong to somebody else
but the human voice has power because it carries with it the energy of its vibration
and this is perhaps why you know people who deny the truth can't tolerate those who mention the truth or at least you know talk about it from a different perspective
australian-born opposition psychotherapist and Pioneer of individual psychology one of my favorite psychologist Alfred Adler he believed he actually he lived in the oven at the turn of the century back in the late 1800s early 1900s he believed that stories provided a form or scaffolding to earliest memories but also these stories became the blueprint for how we live our lives in relation to others
for example part of healing from our past only involves telling our stories but also involves reclaiming our empowerment to rewrite our stories better now life empowering and affirming
we don't achieve this empowerment from an embellished delusional view that nicely ties things up and Annabelle that all these stories follow the line and it's wonderful and we get goosebumps and all that stuff now I mean instead our stories are now told from a healthier perspective a place from whence healing
about Negril that we may not be able to recall every experience but for those moments that stand out to us and they they serve as our unconscious logic about how we see ourselves and how do we see ourselves in relationship with others and our motivation for our Behavior even today
I mean the first thing we do is listen to how a story is told
facts and figures and names and places are important but what's even more significant is how we tell our stories and how others tell their stories
I do a lot of counseling with people who are stuck in intergenerational trauma and one degree or another and I have noticed that when people have not been able to transform the negative energy around tragic events their stories are told the same every time each time always and always and always
and as a boy I remember listening to the same family stories at picnics and holidays and other family gatherings I've heard these accounts so often that by the time I was a teenager I can recite them word for word. Maybe you could do the same to but now you know what the benefit of hindsight I also understand that not only did these details not change but also the storytellers interpretation and attitudes remain the same
in fact there was always an underlying tone if you listen for it but underlying tone of helplessness bitterness sadness and resentment that drove how the story was told and ironically it was almost as if the story was not being told correctly if these negative emotions were absent
and then this can often lead people to becoming codependent in the family. Because you know plainly put codependency is typically seen in an unhealthy relationship where by one person supports or enables another person's let's say addiction or poor mental health or immaturity for irresponsibility insecurity or underachievement just to name a few and perhaps the most common theme in codependency is this excessive relying on others for one's approval and a sense of identity
I mean seeing the previous hurts and pain Etc in another and understanding why a person you know is the way they are seeing and understanding their history of events and the circumstances that may have shaped them and may have filled them with fear and pain and bitterness can move us to forgive them more easily and help them begin their process of telling their stories differently
and even when an opportunities for forgive and reconcile with one who has caused us great pain and suffering and vice-versa whenever that is present because bitterness has so entangled the soul is often impossible to let go of the pain
psyqui might even believe that to let go of the bitterness is a sign of weakness
but you know all in all sometimes both the victim is a Survivor and the offenders could not Envision taking hold of something better it's just too vulnerable a place for them to go
and although each person walks his or her own path in this life embracing forgiveness and healing and Grace and love occurs as each person is ready
and no one can do this for another
have the door of healing can be shown but one has to turn the key in and walk through
and most of the time there is a strong connection between this perception of fear of change and proceed powerlessness and a lifetime of struggling with self-loathing and low to no self-esteem
through various hurtful experiences people have internalized societies definition that their Dirty Work less they have no voice they're in there dispensable they're no good they're backward will amount to nothing and so on and so on and so on
and although it's difficult to say when the people when our ancestors started to internalize such messages the soft and perhaps easier to pinpoint from whom these messages came
you know maybe they were heard you know they heard such things from parents or teachers or friends or perhaps the messages we were even reinforced by Society
and yet when healing occurs within the greater context of generations people tell their stories much differently from a healthier more holistic perspective
the reason why we can tell her story is definitely is because much of the healing involves becoming aware of the former negative perceptions and then then the former negative self-talk that no longer serves us another words we recognize how these cognitive schemas have been draining our energy for distorting our perceptions and diminishing our potential for healthy relationships
track when we replace these with more transformative and life-giving perspectives that's star burst of energy heals all generations across time and space
are you have been listening to reclaiming authenticity and I am your host dr. James how can I invite you to tune in next week this time 3 Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard Time right here on BBS Station 14 another hour and again thank you for being you and spending this hour with me so invite you to continue to look at your genealogy continue to understand who has come before you and who will come after you and what stories they will share take care God bless
4000 comments it's all there just to calm and we'll see you next Friday at noon Pacific Time on CBS Radio TV