Reclaiming Authenticity with Dr James Houck
We Sat Down by the River and Wept
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Reclaiming Authenticity: The courage to reclaim that which has always been in you.
No matter who we are, where we were born, and into what family we were placed, ours is a world full of relationships. Indeed, we are social beings who spend our lives making sense of our world by trying to find our place in the world. As social beings, it is often within the context of relationships that we experience tremendous pain and suffering. From overt acts of betrayal and cruelty that someone may have inflicted against us or vice versa, to simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, many people bear the scars of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual wounds. And yet ironically, just as we experience our woundedness in relationships, it is also within the context of healthy relationships that we find our healing and authenticity. The difficulty, then, is often finding the courage to discover that which has always been in you.
For over 25 years, Dr. James Houck has been helping people discover their authentic selves by integrating spirituality into their mental and emotional health. As people are able to integrate these disciplines, they often discover core issues that have been keeping them wounded in relationships.
and now with over 25 years of experience mental health and spirituality. Dr. James Howard<br>hey well good afternoon everybody well whoever you are in the world at this time welcome to reclaiming authenticity finding one Kurds to reclaim that which has always been in you and I truly believe that from the bottom of my heart just personally and professionally and I'm very happy to be with you here today at every Friday 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard time should every week these broadcast focus on the integration of spirituality and our mental health at that all place within the context of our relationships relationship that we have with ourselves the relationships that we have with others and certainly our relationship that we have with God or the Divine and there's a very acidic reason why I place this kind of integration in relationships because again I am a firm believer that<br>just as we go through life we often receive our deepest physical emotional psychological and spiritual wounds relationships and yet we can also discover our greatest healing and strength and peace and forgiveness and love through healthier relationships and this is often just the irony of life that which wounds we also find that that can be a source of our healing as a result and these relationships just might be within our own families or co-workers or even our friends because whenever we transform whenever we go through something transformational Whenever there is a shift or change in US<br>we also transform others by our presence and through Grace and through understanding but first forgiveness kindness and compassion begins with how we treat ourselves because when we are compassionate with ourselves then we can be compassionate with others and when we are more forgiving with ourselves I find that we can be more forgiving with others and when we are able to live in gratitude with ourselves and just approach life with that gratitude and thankfulness we don't discover how this often opens our hearts to see and live in gratitude what's others so all-in-all transformation first and foremost begins with us<br>or as Henry now and what's it just by paying attention to what is going on around us we discover that there are people who heal each other's wounds and forgive each other's offenses and show their possessions and Foster the spirit of community celebrate the gifts that they have and live in constant anticipation of the full manifestation of God's glory well I am dr. James hauke and if you'd like more information about me or maybe you want to leave me some comments about Today Show this is the website www. DDS radio.com / reclaiming authenticity. DBS Radio. Calm backslash reclaiming authenticity<br>and just in case you're not able to stay with me the full hour and you want to go back and listen again these shows are podcast it so you can go back into the archives and you can listen to the previous shows so if you're so inclined and you would like to call in and be part of today's broadcast I also invite you to call in toll free line 880-627-6008 that's 888-627-6008 and your insights for your comments are your thoughts on today's subject and that is we sat down by the river and wept<br>well for those you who might be tuning in for the very first time just welcome aboard thank you always like to have a first-time listeners but I just also like to share a little more about myself and that I am a firm believer that all of us come into this world already equipped and graced with everything we need for this life especially in terms of our giftedness or our skills and they are our strengths are character traits personality so forth through life and may be due to some unpleasant experiences we are very tempted to hide the very best parts of ourselves from others perhaps says that children or teenagers or young adults we were very free about showing others are giftedness our talents or skills or strengths and so forth<br>maybe something happened that we needed to hide these things are we felt like we needed to hide these things they are giftedness way way down so others cannot see it because perhaps we went through the experience in which these the very best parts of ourselves were exploited or you know the classic example is perhaps we were told that we would never amount to anything or whatever other voice we heard you telling us there's nothing special to us and then therefore we didn't even bother to look any further we just thought that there was nothing new to us so there must be nothing more to explore and we just kind of dropped an anchor so to speak in life and just swallow that message which was very detrimental and we just kind of went on autopilot and you know we realize that you know the best parts of ourselves we didn't even<br>what chance did for them to come out but when we don't realize the best the very best parts of ourselves or we don't realize the gift in there so we don't embrace our our our strengths and so forth we tend to go through life functioning from this place of woundedness or a place of victimhood or place of well you know you can't expect too much for me because this is where I came from or again whatever excuse for message we heard growing up that just robbed the very best of ourselves and they said we we function in in our relationships from this place of being wounded or you're playing the victim instead of functioning from a place of healing or homeless and embracing our are so again welcome and thank you for listening<br>today this is an interesting time in which we live watching the news perhaps yesterday you realize that on March 11th was the on the grand scale shut down lock down whatever you want to call it because of the pandemic because of covid-19 people were either laid off or let go from work restaurant shut down kids were off schools schools closed down and so forth and covid just really started to impact every entity agency organization that we could think of and even though it's been a year feels like it's been longer maybe that's just me and maybe I just feel we've been at this for another 3 or 5 years and name of that we have some vaccines that are rolling out and so forth and perhaps hopefully we've learned some lessons along the way<br>way to go I just think that whatever the dust settles and whenever this new normal is going to take place whatever that's going to look like it's also create this huge learning curve for us because we still know you know we still have this sense of the huge uncertainty hanging over our heads until like what is going to be the full implications of having gone through something like this rate and families you know the old saying that that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger and that is true I prefer the saying you know those sometimes what we go through brings out the worst of us but it also brings out the best of us and referred the stories of both sides of the worst<br>people in the best in people and so this is you know where we are in and Society in terms of you know what do we look for what what hope do we hold out for one another and do we see the potential for things to get better or the potential in one another to encourage each other to bring out the very best parts of ourselves well over the past couple of weeks and and leading up to this broadcast so I was putting the materials together I've been reminded almost to the point of every day if not every other day about society's message or messages regarding shedding tears<br>what's the society's message out there regarding people who cry or why does a person cry or or so forth and if we're honest with ourselves over this past year with with covid shutdown and the number of deaths related to this pandemic we've had a lot to cry about and rightly so because whenever we experienced the loss of a loved one or whenever we are overcome with strong emotions tears are natural way our bodies released this built-up tension or just release you know just the emotions that are just you know getting ready to overflow<br>well let's go back into mr. B's time machine shall we if you know what I'm talking about that means you're old okay but you're not that old of all right let's go back into mr. Wolfies time machine and you remember a song entitled Don't Cry Out Loud by Melissa Manchester I think it was the 70s or something that came out and I'll just I'm not going to sing it for you because that'll be interesting but I'll just share with you just the refrain I know you'll get the message here and she she sings don't cry out loud just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings fly high and proud and if you should fall remember you almost had it all<br>interesting that you have that tune stuck in your head let's go to another song that also talks about hiding our tears you remember the group Quarterflash us will take it back to the 80 so it's really not that long ago but the song is Harden my heart and the lead singer of the time you know she sang I'm going to harden my heart I'm going to swallow my tears I'm going to turn and leave you here<br>I mean and these were very popular songs and I don't know if people got caught up with the the tombs of Melody they actually listened to the words that were being song or maybe we just sang along just out of habit but that also had an impact on our society's expectations about tears in general okay and hopefully we've learned enough by now through research and other studies that were done just in the physical sense of just how detrimental that is to our physical health if we swallow those tears or if we hide but you know our tears if we don't let others see us cry but we we stuff those feelings way lay down because I'll share with you coming up here that is very important study that was done back in the 90<br>forties right around the time just interesting connection that was made regarding unresolved grief issues or unresolved pain in our lives and how that just affects us physically especially when it comes to our stomach when it comes to our are gastrointestinal tract or GI tract well as many definitions were you know how many messages out there regarding tears and one of the the messages that I just you know I have to hold my head together so it doesn't explode is this notion that Big Boys Don't Cry<br>Big Boys Don't Cry. I just like I can't believe that message is still out there after everything that we've learned and that that message was for me ranks right up there with men don't eat quiche which is I think a joke because you know how about we just changed that that message to well real man will eat whatever they want to eat without worrying about what others might think of that you looked at that certainly a healthier message. They're a lot of times we cannot express our feelings any other way except for tears and then we just we go through something and it's very painful it's very hurtful and we recently just can't put those emotions in to work and you know all we can do is stop all we can do is weep and I mean that's that's all we can do and<br>I've had clients who just in front of me they touch on something very meaningful for their life and and you know it doesn't have to be something earth-shattering horrific it'll be something very joyful time of Celebration and they're touched a certain way and which tears just well up inside of them and you know they're sitting in front of me and they're just sobbing away<br> and and they can't put it into words and after a while I'm just sitting in Silence with them and they you know are are coming around and feel like talking again I just typically ask a question you know if those tears could talk what would they say<br> get those tears could talk what would they say<br> well have you ever noticed that there is this temptation, either by Society or just people in general to explain why a person is crying or why is a person sad as many times when people begin to cry or they begin to shed a few tears that they often apologize okay they were say I'm sorry I don't mean to be so emotional or something and it's like there's nothing to apologize for your human you will cry you will shed tears in fact it's it's very cathartic to be able to do this but there's I'm sure there's also other moments where you've seen that let you know as soon as a person begins to lose it with your tears they're often whisked away into another room you know away from the crowd away from others or they are often given a box of tissues you know which sends an underlying mess<br> a job and I'm uncomfortable with your tears so please them please compose yourself you know and again that message you know his tied in with other messages from society that we have to hide our tears for some reason so we don't offend somebody else so we don't make them uncomfortable or or God forbid what happens if they start crying well okay they start crying you know there's plenty more tissues to go around but this is certainly normal and a normal response to somebody who cries but I've noticed throughout my years how many people went to have some sort of ready-made Pat answer for anything you know especially when they hear or see the strong emotions of others you know that that just makes them very uncomfortable or they don't know what else<br> so it's just like whatever happened is God's will or or something like that which does not do anything for the person you know the answer is just do not provide the level of comfort that we think you know they ought to convey because most of the time and it says more about us being uncomfortable I would rather have somebody and I've seen this too but I'd rather have somebody if if I'm in that state of shedding tears just to come up to me look me in the eyes I just say I don't know what to say but I care<br> I mean that's very therapeutic right there okay I didn't we don't know what to say I don't have the words but I care<br> try and give me a hug okay I guess I see now that the numerous funerals I've attended and so forth it works it provides that that genuine sense of comfort and Grace in the moment when words are not even necessary backwards will do you know do more harm than good cuz that they tend to spoil you know what's going on in the moment because words just cannot capture everything that we're feeling well everybody out there whether or not your religious the story of Joe the Bible is very patient if you referred to as having the patience of Jobe all right well for those of you unfamiliar with the story of Jobe Jobe lived long time ago long long time<br> all right and we kind of get the backstory at the beginning of the story of God and the devil are just talking one day and the devil makes it there to God saying that's the only reason why job is prospering is because you have him protected but if you are not protecting him and let me take a crack at him he will definitely first you to your face well God takes that fat I'm caring and you know God doesn't protect joke and the devil just started flipping all kinds of pain on hands and holds onto his Integrity Jobe does not curse God joke does not shake his finger at God and this is my this just irritates the devil even more which is kind of funny right there but again and Jobe suffered tremendously I mean just terrific<br> gut-wrenching physical emotional psychological and spiritual suffering and word got out that Joe is was just in a very very very very bad way and he was suffering tremendously and The Story Goes job's three friends showed up because they wanted to see for themselves you know just what's going on with our friends and so they came to him when he was in this you know horrific state of suffering and they did the best thing to think that anybody could do in that moment<br> they sat down beside their best friend and they went with him<br> and that's it that's all they needed to do then and for 7 days one week seven days they remain present and Silent with their friend<br> however that this is where the story gets interesting after 7 days they do one of the worst things that we could do to anybody who is suffering they decided to talk and they didn't just talk but they felt the need to kind of explain to Jobe why he was suffering the way he did and it provides no Comfort to him whatsoever but it didn't matter to them they just kept talking to him and try to offer him explanations tank so his first friend said to him and I'm paraphrasing here you know Joe God doesn't really punish people like this unless you know you've done something you know horribly wrong<br> and of course I didn't bring Joe Budden Comfort cuz he's like well I don't know what I did so if I did something show it to me but nobody could show Joe what he did cuz really job didn't do anything wrong and a second friend he decided to to weigh in on you get out of his theological stance on this and he said you know Joe God is merciful we all know this so why don't you just confess your sins and ask for forgiveness and and cuddle stop torturing you like this and Jobe replied you know again I don't know what I did so how can I ask for forgiveness when something I don't even know if I did it and now if it wasn't bad enough the third friend comes along and he says that the job Joe you think this is suffering You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet God's just getting started with you<br> and finally joke just couldn't take it anymore and he just shouted at his friends and he said you know all of you you are miserable comforters<br> you know or maybe in today's language would say look your your your miserable comforter so just get away from me okay it was friends like you you know but have you ever been so overcome with an emotion that all you felt like doing was just sitting down and having a good cry<br> we've all been there and I'm talking about like a deep heavy sobbing cry you know where buys afterwards you felt completely drained and exhausted and always you simply wanted to do was sleep<br> well we all do we have all been there but you know just exactly what is released when we shed tears by a doctor William Frey actually he was not all simers researcher and I threw it was St Paul Minnesota and he studied tears and back in the early 80s and it was that stirred up by our emotions contain high levels of protein and manganese that the normal Terry fluid that protects and lubricates our tears have more of these levels of proteins in manganese than just this normal fluid that just keeps you know<br> price choice and that's certainly strong emotions bring on crying but crying also seems to release built-up stress and tension and other researchers in this area have also noted that crying releases some neurotransmitters oxytocin and a very positive to us which he's both not only our physical pain but also our emotional pain so there is research out there that packs the notion that it's very healthy to cry to shed These Tears In fact this is why I believe we're given tears on this side of Heaven if you will be okay because you know we're going to go through things sooner or later and which were going to experience pain or disappointment or would we could be overcome with joy<br> to the point of tears and so forth okay but since these Studies have come out there's also numerous surveys and questionnaires that my brother reported that a lot of people feel much better after having a good cry okay and in fact there was one large international study I think it had like over 4,200 young adults from about 30 32 countries and surveys and questionnaires reported that they felt better mentally after crying compared to how they felt afterwards and about 40% now they said they felt the same and only about 10%<br> felt worse<br> well as I mentioned let's go back into the time machine here in a 1942 and this is groundbreaking work that you know why it's important to to cry and to resolve pain and suffering in our lives it was thanks to dr. Eric Linderman he was working at Massachusetts General Hospital in the 1940s and he was actually treating people for ulcerative colitis and one of the things that he had noticed was important for people to resolve their grief issues in fact he would sit and talk with people and if they often said to him that they had just some unresolved issues in their life bad but that was giving them ulcerative colitis<br> but here's where the story gets really interesting because about 1 Slater Dr Linderman observe the actions of those who lost loved ones in the Coconut Grove nightclub fire right there just outside either Massachusetts General Hospital and it was just a very very tragic fire indeed it was you know it wasn't like clapping so there's just a lot of you know like the Cabanas things up and palm trees and so forth and rumor has it that one of the waiters just flicked a cigarette into one of the plants and then of course it caught fire and the whole place went up very very quickly and many many people died in the terrorist in that fire and so again about eight nine months later doctor Lindemann was seeing their loved ones<br> Yahoo had lost you know people in their life during this nightclub fire and he was treating them for yes ulcerative colitis because they had a hard time in working through their loss and grief in fact a lot of them just didn't know how to cry a lot of them felt like they needed to hide their tears and all that pain and suffering in that loss and then if that's really strong strong grief emotions which are normal for anybody who would go through a circumstance like this it just landed right there in the GI tract and I just a lightest and this is very important for us to understand that the body is often the first thing that's going to react to you know situations or circumstances in which we just have strong emotions<br> and if we are unable to release because we feel like we need to swallow our tears or we need to hide our tears or where or we minimize our tears because we might be thinking well there's other people out there who are worse off than me and I'll just go around with a stiff upper lip and I'll just hold it in because that's actually a source of strength<br> and we find out that that's not what makes a person strong but to be able to embrace our emotions to embrace when things are getting overwhelming and embrace our tears and to make no apologies for them<br> well I would really love to hear your heart on on this matter this subject so again if I invite you to do so by calling the toll-free number 862-760-0886 to 76008 and I will be taking your calls after the break again you are listening to reclaiming authenticity and I'm your host dr. James Howard and I'll be back with you in 1 minute<br> welcome back dr. James how can you have been listening to and you still are listening to I should say reclaiming authenticity again before we continue on in the broadcast today I just want to share with you a little bit about next week show intitle this one the real victims in our cancel culture the real victims in a cancel culture I don't know if you're familiar with this it's kind of like all the rage right now unfortunately you know it talk about stigma and you talk about people being ostracized it's a phenomenon that occurs in today's world today's society whereby people often find themselves ostracized or excluded from this they often social social media culture but it actually goes much further than that if it's actually creating a c<br> Nipigon psychological emotional wound in people where buy it directly affects the relationships okay so I invite you to tune in Next Friday for the real victims in a cancel culture<br> well I don't know if I've ever shared this with you I'm part of me says that I did but you know it's always a great story to share with you again but if you ever get to meet me just ask me to show you one day that the scar on my left thumb this is more than just a conversation piece this is something that was a very valuable lesson to me that I need to talk about learning lessons the hard way. This is something that the you know I'd I'd learned from you know what you shouldn't do on a construction site as well as you do just a natural progression of healing that takes place not only physically but Also spiritually okay and this is when I was seventeen years old and I was working on a roofing project and it was a Mach roofing project it was designed to teach our students how to shingle a roof properly and<br> my task was not Up on the Roof itself but my task was down on the ground and I was to cut smaller sections of the shingles so that they would fit the end of each row and it's about an hour before quitting time and as of course with most avoidable accidents I was in a hurry to finish the job you know my mind wasn't on my work and then you know that just as right or you no problems thanks so with my straight edge in one hand and my utility knife and the other I began to score the section that needed to be cut out the shingles and about the fourth or fifth pasta the night seemed to jump across that straight edge and right across my left stop and well quitting time came early for me that day because I finished the day in the emergency room getting but seven or eight stitches for my haste<br> now since that time reflecting on that spearance has taught me a lot about this natural progression of recovering from painful experience has died because whenever I was caught I experienced the excruciating pain of a fresh wound and something that I still remember to this day that you've been in the days that followed whenever I accidentally bumped my thumb not paying attention and also unlocked the pain and the blood reminded me that although the wound itself was sick<br> healing was still a long way off<br> and now that you have decades later I'm still reminded of that day not because of the pain but because of the scar<br> and all of us have scars from previous wounds you know some are more obvious than others such as a wound from surgery or an accident or other scars however are not so obvious these scars that resulted from certain emotional or even spiritual wounds that are kept hidden deep down inside what's in our heart if it's in our soul and very rarely do we permit others to get close to these wounds or to touch these wounds because perhaps we never healed from them in the first place<br> some wounds are still fresh even from let's say 5:10 or even 15 or more years ago<br> and in these incidents is a scar has never formed because we've never allowed the healing process to take place now we're constantly poking at the wounded or scratching open the scab and reliving all those painful emotional memories all over again and in in spite of her mother's warnings that you know it's never here once you stop picking at it we still apply these temporary Band-Aids of let's say self-medication pressed those memories or we've denied that or some other sedating relief that we can get our hands on but you know it's either way you people are in search of healing and I'm trying to find Healing from the emotional wounds of but they also are lost and our grief<br> and one of the things you know we get caught up with you no wanting to hide our tears because of some embarrassment or like what happened you still be grieving after all these years you know if that doesn't do anything to provide us any kind of copper okay but every now and again is that you know once a person has work through their losses or simulated their losses that they feel that they can go back to where they were before the lost you know back to some original emotional spiritual psychological State and it's unfortunate because this return to the way things were<br> rarely happens because we're constantly shape and changed by our losses and once we have experienced the loss our outlook on life is forever altered by the grief that we sustained and the reason for this is because our assumptions about life our expectations and what we hope that life would turn out for us to be in the world in which we live and now been challenged if not shattered we always been accustomed to the routines which Define our daily existence in an over a year ago you know dealing with covid and so forth we were pretty content in our routines and then covid comes along and bike now what now what do we do why is this happening<br> how much more suffering do we have to go through when's this pain going to end and so forth and in addition to those questions and we realize the things that we go through that we're never going to see ourselves or others or even the world the same as as what we once did because we're pulled into the task of trying to make sense out of new circumstances in light of the oil<br> and yet instead of assimilating our losses into everyday lives so many people still resist this healing by continuing to live in this prison of bitterness that's reinforced by let's say The Familiar pattern of abuse or what's a low self-esteem or some sort of feeling of unworthiness or contempt or jealousy or Strife or whatever it is and instead of looking for the potential of being made better by our losses and allowing the tears that we shed to provide that nice wonderful complete healing process<br> we allow bitterness to harden our hearts and to keep others out all the while we're submitting the anguish and the pain inside<br> and so the challenge that is for us to discover the courage to redefine ourselves in light of our pain and grief<br> they said at the beginning of the of the of the broadcast you know I'm a firm believer we come into this life with everything that we need but how often we go through things that just create this not a black cloud but things just kind of hover over us and keep the very best parts of ourselves from coming out<br> you know and then any other takes it takes courage to pursue our authentic voice our authentic self because we might have to work through many many many layers of things that have simply kept our authentic selves down or they might convince us that we don't really have that Genuine Voice that we think that we do it again that's just wrong because there is authenticity in each and every person you know but but still in get out helping people fighting first of all the courage to redefine themselves in light of their pain and grief you know what I just sooner or later the conversation will come around to this question<br> is this assimilation process you know I'm working through our grief for lost you know this is something we're able to do on our own or do we need help from others<br> is it something that we can do on her own or<br> do we need help from people around us<br> well it our house we have the small plaque that reads live to the point of Tears I'm sure you've seen it it's very popular and if you are a frequent Shopper at Target they're not all over the place but you can find them that you can find them probably with the other pictures and lamps and so forth so you live to the point of tears and I passed by this everyday and it has become a point of meditation for me you know where I got to come back this idea or this notion from society that crying as a sign of weakness so hide those tears yeah first about crying is never a sign of weakness<br> but rather it's it's a reminder not to hide ourselves from the world's problems the rather engage people where they live<br> celebrate with them cry with them live with them and make no apologies for the tears you shed<br> live to the point of Tears cuz when we do that we are living fully or living authentically<br> so whenever I look at my thumb these days I see more than just a scar more than just a reminder of a painful time in my past when I was a kid on 17 but I also see a thumb print something we all have in common and I know two thumb prints are like our thumbprint identify this as unique among other characteristics of these prints are one of the most distinguishable parts of our bodies and the Hospital's record them as a means of identifying newborns and their mothers and fathers certain jobs require their applicants to get fingerprinted prior to employment and even people who have been arrested to have their prints taken as a matter of legal record<br> well so do our scars<br> they identify what wounds we have suffered as a result of living to the point of Tears<br> they identify what wounds we have suffered as a result of the past you no accidents or mistakes or surgeries or unfortunate mishap mishaps of being in the wrong place at the wrong time<br> and the same could be said for you know our bereavement we all experienced loss and grief throughout our lives but just has no to thumbprints are like so to know so do I should say no to people grieve in the same manner or react similarly to the you know two parts of the the experience of loss<br> but yeah we've gotten better at this so I would say overall as Society but we still have a long way to go Society still puts out these messages of hide those tears don't let it show you know swallow those tears be a man or you know you could just talk this out and you'll be strong for others and then we wonder why we have stomach problems wonder why we cannot find our authentic voice and so forth you know in in in our losses we may believe that what happens to us is just so exclusive you know that that nobody has ever experienced what we've gone through but we forget about the other side of the thumb<br> okay so to speak you know how that is that you know that change and loss and death are Universal<br> they're they're all events and experiences that we all face because we exist because we're human and as universal as the events we can never minimize another person's lost because it's still unique to them<br> well there is a ancient story that I am very fond of the end I come across it every now and then but it just reminds me of out this theme of the universality of death and dying grief and mourning bereaved mother who brought her deceased child to a holy man to be here and she beg the master to have pity on her and return her child to life and interesting Lee the master agreed to do so but only if she would first bring him a mustard seed from a house in her village where death had not been<br> and initially the woman was excited because you know his request seemed so simple and when she thought you don't love course you have a surely there has to be at least one house where death has not visited well as she comes down from the mouth of the finally she arrived at the first house that she came to she knocks on the door and and you know she asked if if they have any mustard seeds for her you know could she have a few and she was delighted she was overjoyed when she heard that the family had plenty to give however<br> when this one told the family that the seeds had to come from a household where death had not visited whenever the family told her that they buried their father a year before<br> and then she said okay well thank you for your time and she went away disappointed but yet she was still helpful and the woman moved to the second house the next house and asked if they could give her mustard seeds and again family inside had plenty of seeds to give her but again when she heard that you know they to bury the loved one she couldn't accept the seeds and it was on and on and on the woman went from one house to another to another searching for a family of person who had been spared from death but to her dismay she couldn't find one and it eventually hit her eventually, she eventually realize that you know how my gosh the wisdom of the master<br> and that is that death comes to all<br> and silently she went back up the mountain found the master and she claimed her child's body and returned home with him to bury him in peace<br> well many years ago I am at doctor kendoka and I've done extensive research in the area of hospice and as we sat in his office at the College of New Rochelle in the Bronx we talked about the importance of rebuilding our faith and philosophical assumptions that have been challenged by loss and grief and what impressed me most about that conversation was how he explained that how most of us live our lives according to our assumptions of how an end how grief causes us to reexamine our core beliefs about how life should operate these messages and then we just continue to build our lives upon the assumptions of let's say that how the world should work a certain way or when and how God should answer our prayers<br> where when and how God should act or matters of faith and obedience and rewards and Punishment and so forth we just build build these assumptions but we realize that when we experience the pain and loss we are just never the same again and it's actually the last thing to be shielding us are these assumptions are you know the woundedness the shattering of our expectations and we come away maybe a little bit wiser and we realize that you know maybe we need to see ourselves as others The World God In a Different Light<br> well what a my favorite books is about an ancient story told of the spiritual journey of an Indian man called Syd Arthur Who Lived during the time of the Buddha I have for you have never read Sid Arthur I highly recommend it okay this is certainly a book that will take you Edward to yourself and within Buddhism there is a belief that there is nothing fixed and permanent in this world in other words everything and everyone is subject to change or as the Buddha taught that it's in this continuous becoming and I like that continuous be coming and we refer to this belief as impermanent and it's important or I should say a metaphor that's often tied to this idea of impermanent and if you've ever sat down beside of<br> River and watched its flow you're going to get the idea okay we just sit there quietly and we just follow the water as it runs from point-to-point and water runs around rocks and Fallen branches and it just keeps going and yet at the same time the river is not one continuous and unified flow okay because the river of this moment is not going to be the same as the river for the next moment and the moment after that and the moment after that and this is where the ancient saying from the ancient philosopher miraculous says you cannot step into the same river twice for the waters are ever-flowing onto you<br> and the same philosophy can be applied to our lives at that none of us remained the same throughout our years that we think there were not changing but we are various stages of Our Lives from childhood to adulthood to old age or just not the same any given time we're in this constant state of flux constant state of change and then at the child as we all know it's not the same when he or she grows up and becomes a young adult or when they grow up and become elderly and it's it's true that we live from moment to moment but we tend to forget that each moment leads to the next<br> and impermanence and change our Dusty's undeniable truth of our existence<br> but bite you to take inventory this this week and consider how you live your life to the point of Tears<br> what do you feel is holding back you were tears what pain have you experienced in this life that needs to be expressed<br> what pain that you've experienced in this life do you still feel the need to hide<br> it's not going away<br> we think just because we don't see it just because we don't think about it that it's going to be gone for good but that's just simply not the case but I encourage you to live to the point of Tears the happy tears the sad tears the gut-wrenching tears tears of celebrations at the tears of joy the tears of Triumph we have these tears for a reason and they are meant to be shot they not only restore us emotionally physically psychologically and also provides a healthy way to remind us of the healing that is always available to us<br> well I'm dr. James Howe and you have been listening to reclaiming authenticity I invite you to join me next week same time every Friday 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard time when we're going to be looking at the cancel culture and just how detrimental that is for people psychologically and emotionally so in the meantime please be safe out there and please live to the point of Tears take care bye bye<br> buy a book by dr. hope it's all there just wander on over to reclaiming authenticity. Calm and we'll see you next Friday at noon Pacific on PBS radio TV<br>