[00:00] Speaker 1: (Dramatic music playing) Everyone faces questions and decisions that require insight and answers as we move forward personally, professionally, and corporately in all areas of this thing we call life in America today. Hello, this is Joe Schofield and I invite you to tune in every Monday evening from 6:00 to 7:00 PM as we talk together and hear from key leaders of all ages and backgrounds about your questions. Interesting, informative, intuitive, but always encouraging. Tune us in on BBS Radio Network. Join Pastor Joe and co-hosts Ron Greer, Dr. Paul Hall, Stephanie Thayer, and Dr. Craig Thayer in Raising Expectations. Well, hey there friends. We- it's Monday night and we're sure glad you tuned in again to your show, Raising Expectations. Uh, we're excited tonight. We've got Terry Warner with us again. She's part of our family and she does such an outstanding job. We're just glad that you're here to be a part of this program tonight.

[01:46] Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you.

[01:47] Speaker 1: Amen. There you are. You can hear me. We're coming up in just a minute here, so. (laughs) But I want you to know that, uh, we never take for granted, as we tell you, the fact that you're part of our, our radio/TV family as you tune in each week. And we count it a blessing that you're with us because, uh, we love hearing about how God's helping you raise your expectations. And, um, we always share with you that we are believers. We're people of faith. We believe that God is who He says He is, and we know that Jesus Christ is His Son, that He came to this earth to die to pay the price for our sins. And while He was here, He checked out all the things that we go through on this human side, and then when He died on the cross and raised Himself again on the third day, God brought Him home. We're going home someday. So in the meantime, we know that, uh, God's working in our lives, and at that time, we know where we're going to be with Him. So again, welcome tonight.

[02:41] Speaker 1: We hope you know the Lord Jesus Christ is your savior. And if you don't, if you ever have a question, look to our website. You'll be able to find it. We invite you to go to that. That is www.bbsww.com/bb... Let's see, what is that again?

[02:58] Speaker 2: BBS. (laughs)

[02:58] Speaker 1: BB, yeah, bbsradio/raisingexpectations. And that's on, uh, you'll find that on your site, and you'll find us right there, bbsradio.com/rasingexpectations. And, uh, there you'll find our shows each week listed. Of course, there's Elizabeth Ahlers running for House Assembly here in California. And, uh, you'll also find the guys we're going to introduce you to very quickly here. Read about them, get to know them, and, uh, pray for them and get a hold of them and they'll be praying for you. We want to start on the West Coast, a guy you'll see right there on the site, and that's Dr. Paul Hall, and he's from Lompoc, California. And, uh, Paul is a retired pastor, and he's a theologian, he's a, a speaker, a writer, a counselor most of all. He is, uh, in my book, he's the image of, uh, care that the Lord wants us to be. He understands, cares for people, and he's there when you need him. And Paul's a great guy. He's been my friend for so many years.

[03:56] Speaker 1: Uh, we were still running around Mount Sinai when it all began. But anyway, how you doing out there in Lompoc?

[04:03] Speaker 3: Good. Good. Thanks. Good to see y'all.

[04:05] Speaker 1: You sound good. Good to see you, brother. Hey, if we all join together now and jump to the East Coast, uh, the south part of the East Coast, and that would be Dalton, Georgia. You're going to find right there Steph and Craig Thayer. That's Dr. Craig Thayer and his wife Steph. Uh, you've grown to love and appreciate them also. Very special people. Uh, Stephanie's not there tonight. She's in the ministry right now doing, uh, some prayer work, which is incredible, her prayer life. And, uh, she's a wonderful mother and, uh, and wife. And right next to, uh, her as you would normally see tonight taking up the seat, that's Dr. Craig Thayer. Craig, uh, is a man... (laughs) There he is. He's the man who always used those hands after he prayed in surgery and just helped countless people basically in so many places in the world you wouldn't believe it.

[04:51] Speaker 1: So, uh, he also, uh, not only is a surgeon, a trauma surgeon, which as he says, the hands-on doctor, let's get going, he also has written a great book. Look on our website, bbsradio.com/raisingexpectations, and you'll find that book. It's called Saved! And, uh, on that, that page you'll find the story of his book. He talks about finding God in the ordinary things of life. And I love it because it's an account of how God worked through his life in bringing him to a place where he uses him today in many powerful ways, helping people in more ways than I could ever begin to enumerate on a show tonight. So, Craig, it's great to see you. You want to get a copy of that book, Focus, right there on our website. And, uh, oh, yeah, right above it, I hope you get a copy of my book, Legitimate Faith That Produces Authentic Hope, and see what Zig Ziglar said about that.

[05:42] Speaker 1: He kind of got me to write that, and I'm blessed to have been able to share what I believe faith is, that produces hope in your life when you put it where the action is, in those ordinary things that you also find Craig wrote about. We kind of double-teamed on that. So, go to the website and make sure you see those things. And we, we'd love to have you have a copy of those books to bless your life. We also have tonight, uh, and it's great to see him, he's been really busy, we have from, if we jump back into the state of Texas, in McKinney, Texas, we have Pastor Ron Greer.And, uh, Ron Greer is there. And it's great to see you, Ron. He's, uh, (laughs) there you go. (laughs) He is a, he's done so many things in his life. The greatest thing we know about it, all of us, we love this guy. Uh, he's one of our favorite pastors anywhere. He's there in McKinney, but he has, uh, run for office. He's run for Congress, he's done all kinds of things like this.

[06:33] Speaker 1: But mainly now he's with Man in the Mirror. He's a counselor. He's a, a man who helps men become, not overwhelmed by their problems, but uplifted through the understanding of what Christ is doing to become all that they can, and become a witness to others, just the way Ron is a witness to them. Appreciate all that he does. So guys, it's good to see all of you. And on my right, right here, I always save the best for last. This is my wife, Melba. (laughs) And, uh, Melba is, yeah, that's, she's right there. And Melba (clears throat) is a children's specialist, and, and has written a lot of things working with children. She went to Southwestern Seminary there in Fort Worth. And, uh, she is, uh, one, as they say in Texas, one heck of a gal. (laughs) So I'm really blessed by her, having her right here. And, uh, there's probably some other Texas phrases, but that's a really good one I like. (laughs) But, uh, you ready to roll? I'm ready to roll. Okay, let's go. Let's do it.

[07:28] Speaker 1: So here we go tonight, uh, on, uh, behalf of, uh- (clears throat) ... everybody at Raising Expectations, we wanna welcome Terri Warner with us. In fact, she's there in Texas also. And, uh, it's always great to see her. (clears throat) Many of you have seen what we've written about her. She's a renowned coach, an author, a speaker. And when she speaks, she challenges the difficulties of life, and she always offers a message of hope and transformation. Uh, it's really great to listen to her when she shares, because you know it's coming from your heart. Uh, her book, Train Wreck to Triumph, is a great, not only play on words, but just like this cave picture, an enlightening into your life, that perhaps when you get alone with God, as she wants you to do, you can discover what He's doing in your life in new and incredible ways. Terri, uh, and her husband, Dave, are very, very special. And, uh, what they're doing is blessing people all over, you name it.

[08:24] Speaker 1: Their ministry and their work is, the things that she writes and shares are helping people everywhere. So we wanna give you the round of applause, Terri. (laughs) You know, you're part of the family, goes like this. Welcome in, and here she comes. Terri Warner, come and share with us some. It is so good to see you, sister. So good.

[08:41] Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. Thank you. It's always a pleasure to be here.

[08:45] Speaker 1: (clears throat)

[08:45] Speaker 2: I feel like I am with family.

[08:47] Speaker 1: Yes.

[08:47] Speaker 2: I call you, uh, I'm about to call you my first family, 'cause I've just enclosed you into everyone else that I have as family. Um, it's always such a joy to be with like-minded people.

[08:58] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[08:58] Speaker 2: Similar heart, just really called to a mutual purpose. And I think that is what God is doing, is He is pulling people together that are called to a mutual purpose. And so, uh, day after Mother's Day, um, just a lot to share. And, um, just such a powerful time in our world, where if we ever needed the heart, the soul, and the embrace of mothers, we need it now.

[09:28] Speaker 1: Amen.

[09:28] Speaker 2: We need it now. Yeah. So, I, um, I guess I'll just go forward. Uh, a couple weeks ago, something really special happened to me.

[09:39] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[09:39] Speaker 2: And, um, it was around 1:30 in the morning. I was kind of half asleep. Got up, you know, like we do. (laughs)

[09:46] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. (laughs)

[09:47] Speaker 2: Like we do.

[09:48] Speaker 1: Details.

[09:48] Speaker 2: Age frame. Okay. No, no more necessary on that.

[09:52] Speaker 1: Great.

[09:52] Speaker 2: And, um, I started to just really be called into prayer, you know, be pulled into prayer. I'm walking through the house, I always play worship music. We play worship music every night when we go to bed. It goes for about a 90-minute loop. Uh, and it just really sets our atmosphere. We do that every night. When we travel, it's going on a loop in our atmosphere of our home, you know, really calling the environment into a place of holiness. And when we're travel, it's on 24/7. Our dogs are the most spiritual dogs you've ever seen.

[10:23] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[10:23] Speaker 2: I mean, they're like so intent, like, "Is it worship time?"

[10:26] Speaker 1: That's good. (laughs)

[10:26] Speaker 2: You know, they're got it going on. They're ready. They're ready. They know what's going on. And so I was walking, you know how you start your prayers, I don't know if y'all start them a certain way or whatever, you know, you just pull in to prayer. And as I'm starting to pray, I said, "Lord Jesus, you are Lord." And I would usually say that, comma, you know, "Jesus, you are Lord," comma, and go into my prayer. And as I was saying, "Lord, you know, Jesus, you are Lord," it was like the Holy Spirit stopped me and said, "That's all." Was there more to say, more to pray, more to hear? Yes. But my soul, my spirit, my, every cell in my spiritual DNA was crying out to know one thing, and that one thing was Jesus is Lord.

[11:18] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[11:18] Speaker 2: And I literally could not say more.

[11:20] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[11:21] Speaker 2: I walked through the house for about 20, 30 minutes, just saying, "Jesus, you are Lord." And you know, meditating is not just saying the words, it's really embracing and pulling those words into your spirit. So, "Jesus, you are my Lord. Jesus, you are Lord. Jesus, you are Lord." And in situations where we don't even have to name Him out, in every situation, Jesus is Lord. And as we talk about mothers today, I probably have the least experience of anyone you know (laughs) about being a natural birthing mother, but, um, a lot of experience in being a mentoring mother. And so, you know, as a woman, the number one, the number first identity that we ever have as women is as a child of God.

[12:13] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[12:14] Speaker 2: As a daughter.... our first identity in life is as a daughter. And as we age, which is prone to happen- (laughs)

[12:23] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[12:23] Speaker 5: Yeah.

[12:23] Speaker 2: ... unfortunately, as we age, I asked my husband the other night, I said, "Do you think I'm aging well?" And he said, "I think you're aging great." He said, "I think you're horrible at accepting aging."

[12:34] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[12:34] Speaker 2: You know, you still think you're 40 and I'm 72, and I'm like, "Why can't I just be 40?"

[12:38] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[12:38] Speaker 2: Anyways, uh, the daughter, the identity of the daughter, and sometimes as we age, and, and, you know, and in the men's situation, identity as a son.

[12:50] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[12:51] Speaker 2: Sometimes as we age and as we move forward in various levels of area of our life, ages and stages of life, as we say, we can really dismiss the fact that the first thing we are is daughter and son.

[13:09] Speaker 4: That's right.

[13:10] Speaker 2: Is daughter and son. And sometimes we can put that identity on the side. We can put that focus of who we truly are aside and now we're, you know, we're wife, we're business person, we're husband, we're mother, father, grandfather, provider, all of these things. But at the beginning, the very beginning, He didn't call us those things. He called us, "My child."

[13:37] Speaker 4: Amen. That's right.

[13:39] Speaker 2: And so, I just wanted to bring forward that experience, because sometimes all you can say, because there's a lot going on in all of our lives, we've got many plates whirling. You know, we could all be in the circus with all the plates, you know?

[13:53] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[13:54] Speaker 2: And the reality is that at the beginning and at the end, we're His child.

[14:01] Speaker 4: That's right.

[14:02] Speaker 2: And all the roles we fulfill, we fulfill that one first. Because if we don't get that one right, if we don't get that positioning and that prepare, and be in that place of purity of purpose, and really that place of intimacy, then we miss out on doing everything else well that we're called to do.

[14:25] Speaker 4: (coughs)

[14:25] Speaker 2: And so, I just wanted to exhort from the very beginning to Jesus is Lord.

[14:33] Speaker 4: Right.

[14:33] Speaker 2: Jesus is Lord over the things that you don't even know are happening yet. I have a tendency... I'm highly political, not in my communications. Like I... If I'm in an environment, I'm not political. I just tell you what I think. You know, you're not gonna get that from me. However, in our society, our culture, our country, and our times, I'm highly political. I'm highly, um, definitely outspoken. (laughs)

[14:59] Speaker 5: (laughs)

[15:00] Speaker 2: And et cetera. (laughs) And, um, I really am looking at some things in our environment that are very concerning to me. Very concerning. We saw it coming. We've talked about it for decades. It is here, and I'm very concerning. And in my frustration and fear, I just had to l- just say, "Jesus, you're our Lord. Jesus, you're our Lord." And I believe that that's a resource for us as well, that as mothers, mentoring mothers, fathers, whatever we're doing in our life, ministers, all of it, in the middle of it, at the beginning of it, in the middle of it, and at the end of it-

[15:48] Speaker 4: Yeah.

[15:48] Speaker 2: ... is Jesus is Lord.

[15:51] Speaker 4: Question.

[15:52] Speaker 2: I wanna open up for that after that statement.

[15:55] Speaker 4: D- Yeah. Can I, can I ask a question? So how many women that haven't found God had a really horrible human or earthly father?

[16:09] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Very much so. I think, um, so many. And actually, there's a part of what I wanted to bring forward about the pain that Mother's Day brings to some people. You know, um, we're kinda, I'm kinda switching it to the forefront. Um, there's some people that go look for Mother's Day cards, and it's the hardest thing they do all year-

[16:32] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. (laughs)

[16:33] Speaker 2: ... about their mother. They look at them and they read these pretty poems, they're like, "Well, not that one. Okay, maybe this one. Well, I wouldn't say this one quite works." And then you go to the next one, and there's a pain about the void and about the mothering they didn't feel. And those people will either become resentful, reject, feeling rejection, um, not forgive, get it, you know, w- why, why don't I... Why wasn't I worthy enough to be mothered in the way other people have been mothered? Or they'll find themselves called to changing lives, making, filling this sense, this absolute urgency to nurture, you know, to be the mother, to be that person to others. They, they crave it. Um, it's like craving that which isn't, hasn't been, and is not present. You know, I, I compare it to, this is a strange comparison, but, you know, we've all had puppies, we've all lost dogs.

[17:41] Speaker 2: You go to the pet store or to the place you're gonna get the an- the new animal and there's people there standing there crying 'cause their dog just died. Well, that was always me. (laughs)

[17:52] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[17:52] Speaker 2: That's, that's like, you know. And same thing with women who have been pregnant and not given birth. Something has been interrupted. Their body still is producing everything for that baby. Their body still, their heart still craves that baby. They still are looking places, "I wonder if my baby would be looking like that."

[18:17] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[18:17] Speaker 2: "Well, my baby would be that age now."... there's almost a, what I would call a spirit of abortion that takes place in lives that it was not their choice. Um, but I do think there's a lot of pain with that. And I just wanna say this one thing, and then we wanna open it up for discussion, of course, is if you're watching and you feel such a loss, Mother's Day hurts for you. There's pain for you over the mothering that didn't happen by a mother you had, by maybe a mo- maybe you didn't have, you didn't know your mother after a few years in life, or ever. Maybe you were adopted, maybe you feel a loss. I want you to know that God makes up the difference. And a lot of times, w- people can look at, we can all look and say, "Well, that wasn't present in my life." But I do believe this, I believe God gives you the mother or the person that steps into position, whether it's mother or father, we can take it both places, to support you in becoming the person He has called you to be.

[19:31] Speaker 2: Sometimes, we become the person we're called to be, not because of what we had, but because of what we didn't.

[19:36] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[19:37] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[19:39] Speaker 2: Would you agree with that? Um, a lot of times, we, uh, I'll use this example, it's not about a mother, it's about my father. My father's dad was killed, uh, he was a train man, he was a brakeman, killed when he was 10 years old. My dad went on to be a phenomenal father and pastor, every, uh, so many people he pastors all o- over the country have said, "He's my father. He became a father to me." And I think we've talked, Dad and I have talked recently about the fact, I think a lot of that was because of his dad was taken so early, that he had a need to be the father. He had a need for that connection, that father-daughter, father-son connection, and he was able to use that in his ministry. And so I think sometimes what we haven't had, we learn and we leverage those lessons from what we haven't had. Sometimes we see maybe communications that weren't stellar, and we're like, we see what is not present as a way to leverage, and to get what our heart's crying out for. Does that make sense?

[20:47] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[20:47] Speaker 4: Yeah.

[20:47] Speaker 2: D- did I answer your question, Craig?

[20:50] Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so.

[20:51] Speaker 2: Okay. (laughs)

[20:53] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[20:53] Speaker 4: But I've, I've, yeah, I've, I've seen ladies who had horrible fathers that just can't look up to another father, Father God-

[21:02] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[21:03] Speaker 4: ... that's like a challenge. And-

[21:05] Speaker 2: They have a hard time.

[21:06] Speaker 4: ... versed the other side of what you said about mothers, my natural mother, so I'm adopted, orphan for nine months, and, uh, my natural mother had a calendar for August, and it said on August 6th, Baby Boy, Monterey, which is where I was born. So, um, every year, she mourned, you know-

[21:25] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[21:26] Speaker 4: ... celebrated or both, you know, wondering what, what he looks like, what's going on. So-

[21:31] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[21:32] Speaker 4: ... things -

[21:32] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[21:33] Speaker 2: Yeah. And, you know, if we have mothers that are not what we would've chosen, we have to also look at as mature, as mature people who are healed-

[21:45] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[21:45] Speaker 2: ... once we're healed, and it's easier to do that, is to look at and say, "You know what? She, she mothered me and loved me from a place of brokenness."

[21:56] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[21:56] Speaker 2: You know, what broke her didn't have to break me. What im- what impacted her doesn't have to impact me. And I think we can see the value of being healed so much more prominently because of what we see the damage can be-

[22:12] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[22:12] Speaker 2: ... you know, the situation can be. Um, I've had so many people with mother and fathers both, um, with situations there, speak to me about that, that they had a really hard time trusting God, because they couldn't see him as a father.

[22:28] Speaker 4: Sure.

[22:28] Speaker 2: You know, they were fearful of their father.

[22:31] Speaker 4: Yes.

[22:32] Speaker 2: Their father was always waiting to beat him. And I will say this, I don't think in, in a way, in our, um, ministry sometimes, we have done a really good job over the decades before now of showing the loving hand of God-

[22:46] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[22:46] Speaker 2: ... the loving heart of God, not s- not necessarily always the puni- you know, the disciplinary hand of God, the heart first.

[22:57] Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

[22:57] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[22:59] Speaker 2: So anyone else?

[23:00] Speaker 6: (laughs) Well, I, I think, uh, uh, you're spot on with, uh, most of the, all of that, res- actually. Uh, I'm reminded of, I did, I told you I did prison ministry for 20 some odd years, and, uh, the one thing that both women and men have in common in a prison, uh, it went along with our training volunteers, is that their inability to picture a loving, uh, merciful and, and attentive Go- uh, Father.

[23:29] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[23:29] Speaker 6: So we would, we would literally train the volunteers to find other phrases and other words, uh-

[23:35] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[23:35] Speaker 6: ... to use to express the character of God without using the Father fig- figure.

[23:40] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[23:40] Speaker 6: B- and it took, it took a number of pe- a number of, number of volunteers a while to understand that you have people here with no concept of what Father is, or it is a very, very, very negative concep- uh, uh, concept of what-

[23:54] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[23:54] Speaker 6: ... God, Father is. And so, when you use Father, it triggers these, these reactions, uh, especially with-

[23:58] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[23:58] Speaker 6: ... inmates in a prison environment. Um-

[24:01] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[24:01] Speaker 6: But again, but I, I, I will say also, y- yesterday, um, w- when they first invited me to come s- uh, preach, I said yes, not knowing, not remembering it was Mother's Day-

[24:13] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[24:13] Speaker 6: ... 'cause I'm horrible with, uh, holidays. And, and then when I, my wife reminded me-

[24:19] Speaker 2: That's a big one to miss.

[24:20] Speaker 6: ... I was, I was horrified, though. (laughs)

[24:23] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[24:23] Speaker 6: I have, my wife, my wife kind of, she keeps me on, on, she keeps me on track. (laughs)

[24:29] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[24:29] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[24:29] Speaker 6: Now, I remember m- my Mother's Day card, because she reminded me, but didn't...... keep the Mother's Day in my head (laughs) that day.

[24:37] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[24:38] Speaker 6: Uh, but I, and I, uh, I was horrified because it's one of the holidays I, I really hate s- preaching on. I really do. It's just 'cause it's a difficult one. Uh, and there are a number-

[24:48] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

[24:48] Speaker 6: ... of pastors who say, "Well, it's not that big-" uh, it's, it's a difficult one for me, because there, as you mentioned, right? There, especially now, the further we move along, the more normal this is. You have fatherless children. You have men who ha- have never had-

[25:01] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:01] Speaker 6: ... the benefit of having a father in the home, and women the same way.

[25:04] Speaker 2: (clears throat) Mm-hmm.

[25:04] Speaker 6: Uh, and if you look at the, the numbers for the-

[25:07] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:07] Speaker 6: ... number of households with, without a biological father living in the household-

[25:11] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:12] Speaker 6: ... the numbers are insane. And it-

[25:14] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:14] Speaker 6: ... and they, it has an impact on girls and boys. It's just a little different-

[25:18] Speaker 2: It does.

[25:18] Speaker 6: ... impact on each one of them. Uh, this-

[25:20] Speaker 2: It does.

[25:21] Speaker 6: ... and not, and not having a mother, uh, in a, in a home or a relationship with a mother, a, a loving relationship does-

[25:28] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:28] Speaker 6: ... years of damage, uh, with, with girls, uh, as b- or as fathers do with boys. So again, you have and, and the, so the, so those mothers who are, um, those women out there who are still longing and grieving and, I mean, it's every Mother's Day it's the same thing. It's, it gets complicated. And then you have the mothers who are grieving because they have children, but their, their, um, kids don't talk to them anymore. Their, they have no relationship with them anymore.

[25:55] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. I make so called-

[25:55] Speaker 6: So the pain's on both si- both sides.

[25:57] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[25:57] Speaker 6: Uh, but the thing I tell, the thing I, the message I really wanna get through is that no matter what the circumstances are with your mom, or even with your dad, uh, the one thing we can rely on, that God says, "I see you."

[26:11] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[26:12] Speaker 6: Uh, it, it's He, He sees us, He sees you and He knows you. He-

[26:16] Speaker 2: Right.

[26:16] Speaker 6: ... uh, there's nothing that escapes Him. Uh-

[26:19] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[26:19] Speaker 6: ... and all that, that mom or dad didn't provide, He says, "I am and will be for you." I'm-

[26:25] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[26:26] Speaker 6: ... I'm Lord over all things. Even, even your grief-

[26:29] Speaker 2: That's exactly true.

[26:30] Speaker 6: ... and your pain and your-

[26:31] Speaker 7: Mm-hmm.

[26:31] Speaker 6: ... your disappointment.

[26:32] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[26:32] Speaker 6: I have the answer for that.

[26:34] Speaker 2: So true, and I believe God heals all things. Um-

[26:38] Speaker 7: Yeah.

[26:38] Speaker 2: ... this is the first season, like I said, I'm 72. Hi, Steph. I'm 72, and this is the first season in decades, the first Mother's Day in decades, that I can tell you I experienced a joyous Mother's Day-

[26:53] Speaker 6: Mm.

[26:53] Speaker 2: ... with no pain about loss, not having children, all that kind of thing.

[27:00] Speaker 6: Mm.

[27:00] Speaker 2: Um, none of it. And I really don't know what the difference is except for God just-

[27:04] Speaker 6: Praise God.

[27:04] Speaker 2: ... yes, praise God.

[27:06] Speaker 6: Definitely.

[27:06] Speaker 2: God just healed that. Um, and I don't really know. I had total peace.

[27:14] Speaker 6: Mm.

[27:14] Speaker 2: And I think when God starts healing and restoring and there's so much peace, there's less place for what could've been and wasn't-

[27:23] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[27:23] Speaker 2: ... and more place of what is.

[27:26] Speaker 6: Right.

[27:26] Speaker 2: You know? And maybe it's just my age. I'm like, you know, "Hey, I'm tired. I wouldn't..." you know? (laughs)

[27:32] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[27:32] Speaker 2: Have to have really young, and the fact that-

[27:34] Speaker 6: No, I think, I think, I think the Lord was very much involved in that, 'cause I know women who are your age and older who are still, they, they've still never recovered.

[27:42] Speaker 2: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

[27:43] Speaker 6: To this day.

[27:43] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[27:44] Speaker 6: You know, 80-year-olds who still struggle with it.

[27:46] Speaker 2: Right. And I really think also the fact that I really do feel called to making a difference in lives. A lot of times it's women's lives, sometimes it's men's lives, but a lot of times it's women's lives. And I do believe that makes a difference.

[28:01] Speaker 6: Yes.

[28:02] Speaker 2: And, uh, and then, you know, in my book I've come out with skills for us. How do we... Is there anyone else who would like to say anything to this? Stephanie, would you like to say anything to this?

[28:13] Speaker 8: Apologize. I'm late to the party. Uh, I-

[28:16] Speaker 6: Yeah, we'll forgive you.

[28:17] Speaker 8: ... something actually very on point, because I was late because I was praying for someone, and a lot of it goes back to hurts, you know? And we, uh, believe lies that become truths in our life.

[28:30] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[28:30] Speaker 8: And then the enemy is like, "Great. My job here is done." And of course, they were around moms. And, um, just reclaiming that back, what the Lord actually had, good intentions for generations. You know, we, I think the most common question that people that are not believers or are angry at God is, "How could He allow XYZ to happen?"

[28:51] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[28:52] Speaker 8: And the reality is, we have free will. And so, somebody before you chose X and then Y, and then you ended up with the Z, right? Just as generic example. And, um, it says we'll be cursed to the third and fourth generation. It also says that we will be blessed hundreds, right?

[29:09] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[29:10] Speaker 8: So to go to a place of rejecting those things, renouncing them, replacing them with the truth, and then just asking the Lord to restore.

[29:19] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[29:19] Speaker 8: And I think there's so many people walking around with so much deep hurt around their parents or family members, and they really have no idea how to navigate it. And it's all in the Bible, and it's really simple, and it's talking to the Lord. But people tend to run from that, right? They just look for-

[29:40] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[29:40] Speaker 8: ... self-help. Well, self-help is just a plagiarization of what was in the Bible, you know? So-

[29:45] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[29:45] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[29:45] Speaker 8: ... um, I love what you guys are about. I think it's very timely, and I think that, um, the more people talk to the Lord directly and lay it down-

[29:55] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[29:56] Speaker 8: ... much more for them, right? You have this one beautiful gift and you're wasting it.

[30:01] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[30:01] Speaker 2: So true. So true. You know, and, you know, to your point, you know, that Jesus is Lord, He knew in the beginning. And you know, my husband and I did not get reconnected. I'm married to my childhood sweetheart, but we got married when we were 60. (laughs)

[30:18] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[30:18] Speaker 2: So, you know, we had a long time there. And for some time I thought, "How do I navigate this? How do I work with this?" Because there's not the children together, there's not the grandchildren together. There's, you know... Uh, thankfully, he's blessed me with a lot of children, a lot... (laughs) Four children and 12 grandkids and-... uh, my great grandchildren and more. And we have a relationship with them, you know, and they're real sweet and real cute and that kind of thing. And I really believe God put in my heart that He introduced us when we were young so we would recognize each other later. That was the immediate thing I felt. And then I also felt, "Well Lord, we haven't..." I was going through the not having children with him kind of mourning, and I would just say, I created this whole thing about, you know, it was like, you know, I wanted children.

[31:08] Speaker 2: And then it's like the Holy Spirit asked me, "But is that the truth?" And you know I do this truth coaching piece where I ask, "Is that the truth?" That's where I got it. (laughs)

[31:16] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[31:16] Speaker 2: Holy Spirit again did it all.

[31:18] Speaker 6: Oh, yeah.

[31:19] Speaker 2: And, you know, was that the truth? And the truth is, I had many businesses. I was always if I- if I had children, that was fine. But if I didn't, that was fine. I was not the person who craved-

[31:31] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[31:31] Speaker 2: ... had to have children in order to live, you know. I wasn't that person. And so, when I and Dave got back, reconnected, and we got married and we have a beautiful life, it became something I wanted then. Well then, it was, you know, way past, you know, the bewitching hour. Like they say, (laughs) it was way past.

[31:49] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[31:49] Speaker 2: At least for me, it was past, okay?

[31:52] Speaker 6: Sarah, well, you know.

[31:54] Speaker 2: It really passed. I was off the table.

[31:56] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[31:56] Speaker 2: Out of it. And, uh, and I realized that the enemy was causing me to miss something that the Lord just didn't have planned for me.

[32:07] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[32:07] Speaker 2: And I mentored hundreds and coached thousands of women in the area of business and restoration and healing. The Lord used that.

[32:18] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[32:18] Speaker 2: But he used that need in me to nurture to do it.

[32:22] Speaker 6: Yes, yes.

[32:22] Speaker 2: And had I had children, had I had, I would've had an entirely different life. It would've been beautiful, but I am... Now, when I look at my age now, I'm like, "You know, God, you knew what you were doing." I don't think I was supposed to... (laughs) Long term, you know, projects, let's do this and end here. I'm like, oh, this continues? (laughs)

[32:41] Speaker 6: (laughs) Right, right.

[32:42] Speaker 2: Keep going.

[32:42] Speaker 6: Yes.

[32:42] Speaker 2: People are gonna be like, keep on going. And, um, I do believe God works with us in that way, and I think that I allowed, you know... I would've loved to, you know, had a different life with Dave, but we have the one God gave us, and we have the one that God ordained for us.

[32:59] Speaker 6: Yes. Yes, amen.

[33:01] Speaker 2: Woo.

[33:01] Speaker 6: What can I... Here's a- here's a... You said something that triggered a thought in my head. Um, you- you... We- we think of Ruth and Naomi. Um, um, one of those beautiful stories of what didn't happen here and God- God used it and provided something. So you have, uh, this- this idea of having a- a- a mother who really wasn't the biological mother, but claimed as mother, and because of the mother's influence and the mother's love, you know, ended up literally impacting generations (laughs) down the line. Uh, I think Christ was in that- that genealogy (laughs) somewhere in there.

[33:42] Speaker 2: Yes. Pretty big deal.

[33:42] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[33:43] Speaker 2: Very.

[33:43] Speaker 6: And I think that one of the- one of the conversations just recently is- is with someone. It's explaining, listen, yes, you don't have children, you didn't have children, but you are still... Uh, you can still be a spiritual mother to a number of- of- of young women around, that God placed around you. Uh, there are some... You can mentor them, you can disciple them, you can encourage them, you can pray for them, and by- by doing so, you- you- you- you, uh, I wanna say run the risk, rather, in some way, right? Of shaping generations to come.

[34:16] Speaker 2: That's right.

[34:16] Speaker 6: Uh, you know, there are story after story after story of someone here who can trace back three or four generations where one person came about because they didn't have kids, poured into some- some other child, and then you have two generations down the line.

[34:32] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[34:32] Speaker 6: Uh, and so it's... I... This idea that I know that it's- it's, uh, people sometimes sort of look cross-eyed at the people who didn't have kids, but you- God has- God has done working in- in your lives. And if God has done work in your life, he's equipped you to now pour into others who might be faithful enough to pour into others.

[34:51] Speaker 2: That's right.

[34:52] Speaker 6: And then generations are impacted because you're obedient to what God has done. And instead of focusing on what I don't have, focus on what He has done and go from that perspective.

[35:02] Speaker 2: Right, right. I don't know, uh, if you guys feel this way. I kinda suspect the men don't. But

[35:10] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[35:10] Speaker 2: ... for the women, it's very difficult to make a decision to try to do the family path or the career path. And there's no way to do it all.

[35:24] Speaker 6: Amen.

[35:24] Speaker 2: So, no matter how you try, there's some piece that... Every woman I've talked to, you know, they wished this piece that they did. Well, it's not... You know, the Proverbs 31 woman, she's great. She's- she's not even real. She was what they designed and said, you know. I mean, she's a great goal to be, but like, she's up cleaning. She's doing the business. She's- Proverbs 31 woman is tired, okay

[35:47] Speaker 6: Yeah. (laughs)

[35:48] Speaker 2: She's tired, okay? That's what I'm saying. She's worn out.

[35:49] Speaker 6: Hey, my wife is not tired. She's-

[35:51] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[35:51] Speaker 6: My wife is fine. She's fine.

[35:53] Speaker 2: (laughs) I'm here.

[35:55] Speaker 2: (laughs She always looks good. It's very hard, and we have societal pressures that make us feel- Yeah. ... whichever one we choose, it's wrong. And it's really important. Right. And I think it goes back, kind of, Ron, to what you were saying. Like, that concept of a village. We used to live so differently. We were so communal. Mm-hmm Yep. And even if it was auntie in the village, she had 10 of the kids 'cause she was really good at the bread making, and so they were doing... You know what I mean? It was like a team effort. Yes. Really blossomed. They learned. They learned And that's truly what the church was Yeah. They were together every day. And so, we- we can't do it as women. And so, I have- Right ... friends, family members that never had kids and really, really struggle with that, and, uh, they've been the most impactful women in my life. And I've told them that. Like, I'm who I am because you didn't have children, so you got to hang out with me. Back to your point, Ron TrueTerri, I always giggle when you're telling your story 'cause I'm like, "He- he did make you a bonus mom, and he made you a bonus grandma?" He did. And a bonus great. Like, what a beautiful gift that you also got- That's right. ... through your marriage. I did. And, uh, we have a new grandson who's three who looks like he's six. (laughs)

[37:07] Speaker 2: And he is hilarious. And, um, you know-

[37:11] Speaker 1: Yeah.

[37:11] Speaker 2: ... we get to enjoy, they live a long distance, but we get to enjoy, you know, it's so great. We have the ability because of Christ work keeps going deep, deeper and deeper in us to be able to speak into lives, to decree destiny in lives. You know, my mother had... Her best friend's mother was her second mom.

[37:31] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

[37:31] Speaker 2: And to this day, her best friend is like my second mom.

[37:35] Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah.

[37:36] Speaker 2: And, you know, we have, we have one mother we're born to and many we're mentored by.

[37:41] Speaker 1: That's right.

[37:41] Speaker 2: Uh, I had a business mom. I had, uh, kind of a marriage mom that had a lot of wisdom in that area. Um, I really do believe that sometimes I've seen, and mothers never like to hear this, but sometimes their children will hear another voice in some situations better than they hear theirs. And it can confirm what- what mom is saying and, you know, sometimes, and it may be a little different, but it's just looked at differently.

[38:09] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

[38:09] Speaker 2: Uh, because the familiar. When we have something really familiar around us, we say no. You know, we say no. And, uh, I think I was a very hard child for difficult to be mothered because I... She said I was born 42 years old. I said, "Well, one of us had... God knew somebody had to be an adult in this family, so I'm it."

[38:32] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[38:34] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[38:34] Speaker 2: Mainly that has to do with my dad. Uh, but, you know, I was always that kid that said, "I'd just rather do it myself." I would write my goals down when I was seven years old. Write my goals down with a big pencil, you know. Uh, I was very motivated. I was doing business when I was 13. I was always very motivated. But, you know, I wanted to speak to something that I think is so important, and that is communication.

[38:59] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[38:59] Speaker 2: I really do believe, and of course it's something I really strongly teach on, but I really believe very strongly that a lot of the challenges we have and the feelings we have about where we are in life, our kids, our mother, all of it has to do many times with communication. And I want to read something to y'all. This has to do with the wife, the mother, and all of us in relationship. But it goes directly to, you know, the mother in that relationship. I want to read this to you. Harvard spent 30 years and billions of dollars... I'm gonna read it from my, from my information here. 30 years and billions of dollars to track 4,200 women. I hope that was in a good way.

[39:45] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[39:45] Speaker 2: For 50 years, for 50 years, fif- over 50, women over 50. And they did this for 18 years. And the habit they predicted early death was not smoking, loneliness or any other thing. It was saying they were fine when they were not able to speak their truth.

[40:09] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[40:09] Speaker 2: Now, a lot of religious people say, "It's not your truth, it's the truth." When it is something that is impacting your life, it becomes filtered through your truth.

[40:18] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[40:19] Speaker 2: You know, uh, we all have perspective, we all have things that happen that we see differently than other people see. So whatever it is, it becomes a challenge. And so they even went into more detail, excuse me one second here. It affects, holding onto this affects the, uh, chronic low-grade inflammation that becomes the root cause of immune disorders, uh, you know, cardiac arrest and et cetera. And it goes very deeply into information that even when, if there's as little as 23 minutes a week of true transparent conversation, that that inflammation marker is eliminated and that it changes the entire life of the person. Now, the expectation of life lowered when they did not feel they could do that, they could communicate in that way. The ex- the expectation that Harvard saw over 18 years of life was lowered eight years per person.

[41:22] Speaker 1: Hmm.

[41:23] Speaker 2: Eight years per person. Because what they held in became part of their DNA, became... You know, Stephanie would know more than that, and Craig as well on that area. Um, and so I wondered, how do we have communication? How do we have the conversations that are hard to have? What does this have to do with mothering? This has everything to do with mothering and with being mothered and with fathering as well, is that if our parents can't communicate, how they communicate with each other ends up being tainted by and flows down. You know, things like, "Well, you know, your dad doesn't understand it, but I..." You know, (laughs) I've had coaching clients who were like, "Wow, that's, that's pointed." Uh, different things like that. So the frustrations build and the responses to challenges build and change and alter. And pretty soon the kids, the children are hearing things said to them that has nothing to do with them. It has to do with frustration, isolation, feeling like there is...

[42:32] Speaker 2: They're in a dead-end situation because they cannot communicate. They cannot share transparently. The number one thing about transparency and communication is truth, is being truthful, but is being trustful.

[42:46] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[42:46] Speaker 2: Are you trustful? Can you trust? Are you in a situation you can trust? And many times I find through coaching, and we all have our own experiences with who we work with and our life. Many times that's because there hasn't been a pathway created to communicate the hard stuff, to communicate.Men... Men and women both, I believe, crave intimacy. We crave intimacy so deeply because we're in the image of God, and he craves an intimate relationship with us. I believe we are born wanting to hear your- our name, our voice, wanting to be known intimately, and wanting to be loved without any holdback. And if you haven't been trustful with yourself and you're not... You almost feel like, "I'm betraying myself because I'm not saying what I need to say. I'm not saying something that's going to support this relationship." So who gets the ruination of it? The ruination of it becomes, or challenge becomes on the kid's shoulder, on the children.

[43:54] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

[43:55] Speaker 2: And what do they do? Rinse and repeat. You know?

[43:59] Speaker 8: Yeah.

[43:59] Speaker 2: Rinse and repeat.

[44:01] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[44:01] Speaker 2: Um, I had a situation with a coaching client, and that's where I got this, created this truth coaching, was what is the truth. If that's not the truth, what is the truth, and what difference will it make when you forgive a truth you believed and change your perspective on what truly is the truth? So, I coached a man. He was a doctor, and he hired me to coach him about forgiveness, he and his wife. And so I coached him, and he talked to me one night, and he called, and he said, "I've got a problem, and my dad was right. Nothing will ever go right with us Jones." I'm watching very carefully. No one's named Jones here. Okay. Uh...

[44:39] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[44:39] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[44:40] Speaker 2: His name wasn't Jones either, okay? So we're all clear. (laughs)

[44:45] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[44:45] Speaker 9: (laughs) Crazy.

[44:46] Speaker 2: Um, and so he said, "Nothing w- My dad said nothing will ever go right for me, and this explains how this whole thing works." And I said, "Well, why... Excuse me, but let me ask you, you've never said this. In a year of coaching, you've never said this. So what is this about?" And he said, "They wouldn't let my son play soccer. They benched him, wouldn't let him play soccer, and it's like my dad said. Nothing will ever go right for us Jones." I said, "So tell me about it." His dad got mad. He was eight years old. This little boy was eight... This man, this doctor was eight years old. His dad came home. His boss had been mad. He came home. He was mad. His boss had been mad. He tells his, his wife, this little boy's mother, and... is mad, and she's not paying attention, and so he tells the little boy, "I want you to pick your toys up. I want you to do it right now, and I don't wanna say one more word about it." Okay? The little boy tuned him out, didn't hear him.

[45:40] Speaker 2: So the man picks up toys, throws them against the wall, and luckily it wasn't the child, so we're good on that. And he said, "No matter what you ever tell yourself, you remember this. Nothing will ever go right for us Jones." So boom.

[45:55] Speaker 8: Oh.

[45:56] Speaker 2: There's an oath.

[45:57] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[45:57] Speaker 2: There's an open heart, little boy open heart, glad to see his dad, boom.

[46:03] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

[46:04] Speaker 2: This man was 40 years old when his entire, up until 40 years old, 32 years later he was still operating that he had to do certain things to be accepted. He had to pay more for things. He took partners in, he had to pay all the costs for all the stuff. He paid extra, extra, extra. And I said, "What if that... your dad had a bad day? What if that's just not the truth? What if plenty goes right for you Jones, or whatever your name is?"

[46:31] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[46:33] Speaker 2: "What if it's s- simply not the truth? He had a bad day. Your mom wasn't cooperating. You weren't cooperating. He was very uptight, and he spouted this off for that moment. It wasn't a forever statement. It was a from a heart statement, a frustration statement. He was mad, man. And what if that didn't have anything to do with you? Can you forgive your father's statement and accept the fact that it is not the truth? Not for you." He did. He forgave him. He created a new truth, which was he could be successful. He could be... He, he used a different forecast with his children. He communicated differently, changed his entire life. He called me a year later, and he had... Everything was totally changed. Not over the fact that his father didn't say it. We didn't go back and erase it. We went back and simply told the truth. Readjusted. And so my thought was, for tonight, is to talk about how we have such power.

[47:44] Speaker 2: We have such power as people into the lives of anyone, but when we're the parent or when that's our parent saying those things, boy, it matters. And when you're in a relationship, the father and the mother in a relationship, and there's not... Truth is not expressed. We all want intimacy. For women, I really do believe, I'm sorry to tell y'all but, (laughs) -

[48:09] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[48:09] Speaker 2: ... Stephanie probably agrees-

[48:11] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[48:11] Speaker 2: ... is that communication that is transparent and cleansing, you know, those talks that are cleansing, that are really sharing transparently and trusting and affirming and accepting, and that kind of... I know. I know Ron's about ready to cry again too.

[48:32] Speaker 8: We love to talk. We love to talk. (laughs)

[48:33] Speaker 2: Yeah, right.

[48:34] Speaker 8: Why are you-

[48:36] Speaker 2: But to us, to us all the intimacy you wanted, a lot of that intimacy happened in that conversation for us.

[48:42] Speaker 8: Right.

[48:42] Speaker 2: Okay? You want intimacy? You'll get intimacy, okay? But if you talk to us first... I'm just saying, it'd probably go better. But...

[48:50] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[48:50] Speaker 2: You know, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not, you know-

[48:52] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[48:53] Speaker 2: ... You know, um, not going there, but I'm just saying, how do we have those conversations?

[48:58] Speaker 8: (laughs) Jo? (laughs)

[49:02] Speaker 2: Yeah, right.

[49:03] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[49:03] Speaker 2: So having those conversations, I wanted to give some real tips to people that may be in that situation and their wife may be saying, "You know what? I would love to have that conversation, even just with my kids," but with your spouse.... how many marriages would still be marriages, would still be happy and complete and whole if we knew what the other... I even have people I coach, and they'll say, "Well, he, she didn't wanna do that. She thinks this." I said, "Oh, really?

[49:30] Speaker 2: Uh, when you asked her what she thought, what was her answer?" "Well, I don't have to ask her."

[49:35] Speaker 10: Mm-hmm.

[49:36] Speaker 2: "Jeez, I've lived with her 20 years, I think I know what she thinks."

[49:40] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[49:40] Speaker 2: You know, like, uh-huh. I think-

[49:42] Speaker 1: Maybe not.

[49:42] Speaker 2: ... you might be surprised the people she has on speed dial in the legal profession.

[49:46] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[49:48] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[49:48] Speaker 2: Click. So how do we have those conversations? There are some tips I would like to share, but what do y'all think?

[49:57] Speaker 10: You know, I-

[49:58] Speaker 2: Besides Ron, what does anybody think besides Ron?

[50:00] Speaker 10: Bes- besides Ron.

[50:00] Speaker 1: Yeah. (laughs)

[50:01] Speaker 10: I, um, I was... My late husband passed away, uh, eight years ago.

[50:06] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[50:06] Speaker 10: And we were married 41 years. And since I've been married to Joe, I try not to compare a lot of things, but he and I talk more now that we don't have all... He's got three kids, I have two. And you can imagine, you know, I... Just with my two, it was, uh, it was really hectic. But my late husband worked midnight shifts. So we were together Friday and Saturday, and that was it. And Sunday through Thursday, he worked, he worked at a junior college, he worked at the telephone company, and went to school at UTA all of the same time. And so I was working full-time. My girls were in, uh, the formative years of their lives, and we made it work. But I- I- I was telling Joe, I said, "I don't remember talking to him (laughs) as much as we talk." Of course, you know, we're not working. I mean, we're working, but, uh, it- it's wonderful to be retired and, and know that, uh, w- we can pretty well do what we want if we can afford it. But it's, it's a difference.

[51:19] Speaker 10: When I was 25 and I first married, and I knew I needed to have a career, I'd just graduated from college, I would, did a mission tour for two years and I thought, "Okay, it's time to get to work." You know? And in reference to what Stephanie was saying about do I work, do I be a mom? Do I work, do I be a mom? And for eight years, I worked, and then I had my first child. But we made it work. You know, I still worked, I still took care of my child, and my late husband helped when he could. And at that time, he only had one school to go to and one job, so it was easier back in, uh, West Texas. But it's a struggle sometimes.

[52:02] Speaker 10: And one time-

[52:03] Speaker 2: Sometimes it is.

[52:04] Speaker 10: It is. And I asked him one time, I said, "Can I quit working?" Because I just wanted to be with my girls, you know? And, uh, he said, "No." (laughs)

[52:12] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[52:13] Speaker 10: I said, "Just like that? But I-

[52:14] Speaker 2: But thanks for asking. (laughs)

[52:15] Speaker 10: (laughs) Yeah. Thanks for asking. He said, "No, because you've got your mind set on your career. And you're, you're doing well as a mom, so just, you're just gonna have to work with the struggles and challenges, and I'll be here." So.

[52:31] Speaker 2: Melba, do you feel that the fact that you and Joe do have a mutual purpose, a calling, a focus, is doing what you're doing-

[52:41] Speaker 10: Mm-hmm.

[52:41] Speaker 2: ... with... Does that make a big difference that you're able to, you're communicating, you have the time to communicate, but you also have the purpose to communicate on that?

[52:51] Speaker 10: Yes.

[52:51] Speaker 2: So there's a arrow head of attention-

[52:54] Speaker 10: Mm-hmm.

[52:55] Speaker 2: ... to that.

[52:55] Speaker 10: Right.

[52:55] Speaker 2: Yeah. That's beautiful.

[52:56] Speaker 10: Yeah, we, we talk about that too, you know? And I just tell him, I say, "We just have to take one day at a time, and not add more pebbles onto that day." (laughs) Just let it roll, and then, uh, allow God to show us what we need to do next. So, yeah.

[53:10] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[53:11] Speaker 1: It did, it did help her a lot, Teri, when I, uh, I shared with her that years ago when I was preaching in d- uh, in my church, I told the congregation, you know, "I wanna say something important here. Let's fess up, guys. Let's be honest. We know that we know that we know God made women smarter than we are." Of course I got a standing ovation from all the wives and ladies. I think I saw Stephanie in the back row.

[53:36] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[53:36] Speaker 2: But, uh, (laughs) anyway, all the ladies-

[53:38] Speaker 1: From the guy's left. (laughs)

[53:40] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[53:40] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[53:41] Speaker 1: Mostly women.

[53:41] Speaker 2: So, and when I said that, I thought, "But, you know, I really believed it." I- I mean, th- we give them special gift. Uh, one of our guys, Brad Stone, will be addressing that in about four weeks.

[53:51] Speaker 10: Stein.

[53:51] Speaker 1: But, Stein I mean, yeah. But in any event, uh, when the cards and letters came in from the TV audience and the radio audience, I thought, "Well, I made the point." But when I told her, "Hey, I just... What you think means the world to me, and more than you know, because, uh, God gave you so many gifts. Why would... I'd be dumb not to open the gifts with you and pay attention to what you're saying-" Because you've got so much to share.

[54:14] Speaker 1: So it's very special and, um, you know, we need to do that

[54:17] Speaker 2: Know that this is recorded, FYI.

[54:19] Speaker 10: Yeah. (laughs)

[54:20] Speaker 2: So just FYI, you know?

[54:22] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[54:22] Speaker 10: I know where to find you. (laughs)

[54:23] Speaker 1: Ron's taking, Ron's taking notes. I think, right? Paul already knows.

[54:27] Speaker 2: Paul, you've been... Paul has been super quiet, so let's ask Paul what-

[54:32] Speaker 1: Oh, Paul's always super quiet.

[54:34] Speaker 2: ... what's up.

[54:34] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

[54:35] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[54:35] Speaker 1: Never trust a quiet man. Hmm. Yeah. (laughs I married one I know. Yeah. (laughs)

[54:42] Speaker 2: They think deeply. They think deeply.

[54:46] Speaker 1: What do you think, Paul?

[54:47] Speaker 3: Well, I've been trying... I've been sitting here processing, you know, all the things going on. My parents died, uh, in 2024. Dad was 95, Mom was 92. Um, even at their funeral, I, I had a joint funeral for them. And I said, "They were two people who loved each other very much, but didn't love each other very well."

[55:10] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[55:11] Speaker 3: And, uh, that was my experience, you know, growing up. Um, my dad was raised in an orphanage.My mother was told when she was a very little girl that she was a mistake and not wanted. Uh, and she was the third of three sisters. Um, the one in the family who truly loved her and reached out to her was her dad, and he, he died when he was in his 50s. Uh, so, uh, I sta- I remember standing at the graveside, uh, after the service, and it was a family plot.

[55:42] Speaker 3: And, uh, I, I remember looking down, and my mom and dad are buried together in the, in the same, in the same-

[55:51] Speaker 2: Plot.

[55:53] Speaker 3: ... plot. But, uh, and then just, just six feet away, I'm looking at my grandmother's grave, and, um, and thinking about what they went through, you know, all their lives, you know, and talking about communication. And (clears throat) they, they didn't communicate very well, um, and consequently, that had some pretty profound impacts on me. If you saw the movie, The Navigator, it's a Disney film, the key word in that whole movie is, uh, when the little boy would give an order to the navigator, the word was, "Compliant." You know?

[56:29] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[56:29] Speaker 3: And, uh, I grew up being compliant. You know? I didn't-

[56:33] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Accommodating.

[56:33] Speaker 3: ... and I didn't wanna receive that wrath, you know?

[56:35] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[56:35] Speaker 3: It's, uh, it was a pretty terrible thing. I've, I, I witnessed thrown flower pots and yelling at each other. I mean, I, I, I went through the whole thing. And so, that had a pretty profound impact, you know, on my life and how I learned to communicate. But those two wounded, broken people somehow managed to pour the best parts of them into me.

[56:59] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[57:00] Speaker 6: Amen. Yeah.

[57:01] Speaker 2: That's beautiful.

[57:01] Speaker 3: So consequently, consequently, I learned, I learned early to pour that accepting and transparent kind of love into my children.

[57:15] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[57:15] Speaker 3: Um-

[57:15] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[57:15] Speaker 3: ... I text them every Sunday morning and say, "Hey, have a happy Sabbath. But, uh, and I want you to know how much you're truly loved and accepted." And I just wanna encourage you today. You know-

[57:28] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[57:28] Speaker 3: ... love your little tribe too, because they all have, they have children.

[57:32] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[57:32] Speaker 3: So, I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but I'm-

[57:35] Speaker 2: It does.

[57:35] Speaker 3: ... I'm still, I am still, I am still processing the loss of my mom and my dad. And most of the time I think, you know, things are fine, you know. Um, I was an only child, and, uh, and s- and so, when you talk about this communication, I... Relationships are the, they're the toughest challenges in the world. I mean, the toughest.

[57:58] Speaker 2: They are.

[57:59] Speaker 3: And I, and put, put that together with, but that's how we were made (laughs) to-

[58:05] Speaker 6: Yes.

[58:05] Speaker 3: ... have relationship. And, uh, and so, uh, um, working through those kinda things, I just, and helping other cripples... We're all crippled, we're all broken, you know?

[58:17] Speaker 6: Right.

[58:17] Speaker 3: And, and if we, if we admit that... And I, I'll end this by saying, Ron, based upon what you said about your wife, I hope you enjoy your vacation alone, uh, because... (laughs)

[58:28] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[58:28] Speaker 3: (laughs) You take some desperate, desperate, transparent, uh-

[58:34] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[58:34] Speaker 3: ... transparent trips-

[58:34] Speaker 6: I got, I got a couple pills I'll slip in her, slip in her drink. That's right.

[58:38] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[58:38] Speaker 3: (laughs) I just love you to death though.

[58:40] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[58:41] Speaker 3: I don't know.

[58:41] Speaker 2: I have one word for you, Ron.

[58:42] Speaker 6: Or, or something... I'm sorry.

[58:43] Speaker 3: I don't know if, I don't know if it makes any sense but-

[58:45] Speaker 2: I have, I have one word. Spa treatments. It's two words, spa treatments.

[58:48] Speaker 6: Yes, spa treatments. (laughs)

[58:48] Speaker 2: Spa treatments.

[58:49] Speaker 6: All right, I'll remember that. (laughs)

[58:50] Speaker 3: Yeah.

[58:51] Speaker 6: Well, I, the point being made-

[58:52] Speaker 2: But it does make a lot of sense.

[58:54] Speaker 6: Oh. Yeah.

[58:54] Speaker 2: And so, how do we... And, you know, we just have a few minutes here, so I wanna just bring out a couple tips that have made a big difference for people to start the conversation.

[59:05] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

[59:06] Speaker 2: You know? And first of all, there's one thing to do, is to ask... You know, let's set up maybe a time every week where we can just have a coffee. That coffee date is to really, uh, connect, a connect coffee date, or whatever you want it to be, and, uh, whatever you want to do during that time, and just say, "You know, I would like to know what is going well with us?" What is going well with you?

[59:34] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

[59:35] Speaker 2: What is going well? And quiet people may say, "I don't know."

[59:42] Speaker 6: That's fine. (laughs)

[59:43] Speaker 3: (laughs)

[59:43] Speaker 2: My husband used to say that, "I don't know."

[59:45] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[59:45] Speaker 2: And I said, "Well, if you thought about it a little bit-"

[59:48] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[59:48] Speaker 2: "... and you really thought there was one thing, what would it be?"

[59:51] Speaker 3: Hm.

[59:52] Speaker 2: And he would talk, and then we, then I would, he was, "Well, what about you?" So, they automatically ask you, "What about you?" Well, I think we're doing this well. Well, what difference is that making... What is one thing you feel would be one distinction that we could do a little different, that I could do a little differently? You know, and you set it up so you have transparency to have this conversation. It's not about a debate or even a discussion. It's about, I'm asking you to connect, help me connect with what is not well. Well, what difference... If we did that, when we do that, what difference will that make to you? What, w- you know, what difference would that make to you? My husband said, "Well, you are very quick to think things through," and boom, boom, boom. "I need to process. You start going into another thing when I am still really trying to hear what you said, to think about it, and to process." Said, "Okay.

[01:00:55] Speaker 2: Well, how would you prefer that that next step go on my part? How, what would you prefer?" Is that... You know, unless, you know, give me some time. Give me maybe a few minutes, maybe 10 minutes. Mm-hmm And then, what is... So, talking, giving each other permission, asking for permission even, "If I had something I would really love to share or to hear your feedback on...When would be a good time for you, there's a couple things I'd like to speak to and I'd like to be heard.

[01:01:28] Speaker 2: Now, when you say, "I wanna share my feelings," of course, everybody goes-

[01:01:31] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:01:32] Speaker 2: ... "Not the feelings, not the feelings. Please God, not the feelings."

[01:01:36] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:01:36] Speaker 2: Uh, the feelings are coming, um, you know?

[01:01:40] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:01:40] Speaker 2: But if we can say, "I'd love permission to have this conversation-"

[01:01:46] Speaker 4: (clears throat)

[01:01:46] Speaker 2: "... to just share what is on my heart and to connect on it, and see what your feedback is-"

[01:01:54] Speaker 6: So, uh-

[01:01:55] Speaker 2: "... and then to move forward."

[01:01:57] Speaker 6: So, what, what's the mindset and the, uh, mindset and the attitude of the listener now that the question's been asked? Can you address that also?

[01:02:06] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. I suggest that the person asking the question just look at them and allow them to answer. Not go, "Oh, you mean this?"

[01:02:17] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:02:17] Speaker 2: "Oh, you mean..." You know? (laughs)

[01:02:19] Speaker 4: You know?

[01:02:20] Speaker 6: That was for the guys, that was for the guys.

[01:02:22] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:02:22] Speaker 2: Well, not so much. It can be a personality thing-

[01:02:25] Speaker 8: That's right.

[01:02:25] Speaker 2: ... you know? You know, I used to be able to know your, your, you know, your question and your answer. You didn't need either one.

[01:02:30] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:02:31] Speaker 2: Just come, just show up with a pulse, that's all I needed.

[01:02:33] Speaker 8: (laughs) Yeah.

[01:02:34] Speaker 2: Uh, you know, so to give them, and so you're giving the-

[01:02:38] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[01:02:38] Speaker 2: ... you know, the person you're talking to, the listener, you're giving them an opportunity 'cause your pace is slow, your tone is connective, your inflection is heart-driven because only 7% of what we say, the words are heard. You know, 38% is, you know, going to be the inflection, tone and pace, and 35%-

[01:02:59] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[01:02:59] Speaker 2: ... is going to be the gestures.

[01:03:01] Speaker 6: Oh, yeah.

[01:03:01] Speaker 2: So women, I'm just gonna say this one thing, and men, eye rolls is not a separate language-

[01:03:07] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:03:07] Speaker 2: ... which I've been told 'cause I do have some very serious-

[01:03:12] Speaker 4: You hear that? You hear that?

[01:03:15] Speaker 6: (laughs) You hear that?

[01:03:15] Speaker 4: (laughs) Yeah, you hear that?

[01:03:15] Speaker 2: Eye rolls, yeah.

[01:03:17] Speaker 8: I may have, I may have sent an audio message today that said, "I'm rolling my eyes right now, but you can't see it." (laughs)

[01:03:25] Speaker 4: (laughs)

[01:03:26] Speaker 2: May have, I may have sent that, yes, yeah.

[01:03:29] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:03:29] Speaker 8: You know-

[01:03:29] Speaker 2: I had that meme that said-

[01:03:30] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:03:31] Speaker 2: ... uh, you know, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

[01:03:33] Speaker 8: Right.

[01:03:34] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:03:35] Speaker 8: Or I would've told the girls, "Don't roll your-"

[01:03:37] Speaker 2: My eye rolls are shouting.

[01:03:39] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:03:39] Speaker 2: And my mother did that too, she had phenomenal eye rolls, and I-

[01:03:43] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:03:43] Speaker 2: But when I would use my eye rolls, she would say, "I saw that."

[01:03:46] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:03:46] Speaker 2: "I did see it, you trained me." (laughs)

[01:03:49] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:03:49] Speaker 6: One of the things, one of the things that I, I'm reminded of, it comes... Well, it's kind of a weird thing in my head, right? (laughs) When it comes to this issue of, of comm- communication, um, and it's just, I just find this is the root of almost every single, uh, hardship and stress in, in rela-

[01:04:05] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:05] Speaker 6: ... in relationships, period, right? And then, uh, but at the same time I say I don't know why I'm surprised, the very first sin was be- because of lack of communication.

[01:04:14] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:15] Speaker 6: Adam did not effectively communicate to his wife.

[01:04:18] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:18] Speaker 6: And it, it's never, uh, it's never, (laughs) never ceased.

[01:04:21] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:22] Speaker 6: It's still the same. A- and I think that-

[01:04:24] Speaker 2: And the fact he was passive in communication, he was also passive in protection.

[01:04:28] Speaker 6: Yes. (laughs)

[01:04:30] Speaker 2: There's that.

[01:04:31] Speaker 6: Absolutely. A- absolutely.

[01:04:35] Speaker 8: (laughs) Passed down. (laughs)

[01:04:35] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[01:04:35] Speaker 4: Oops. (laughs)

[01:04:35] Speaker 6: So I, so I, so I, I mean, in my mind, I look at poor or a lack of, or bad communication, it, it is a sin issue for me.

[01:04:46] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:46] Speaker 6: I, I, I don't communicate well because I don't care well, I don't love well.

[01:04:51] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[01:04:52] Speaker 6: Uh, I, I'm not willing to sacrifice, uh, even listening a- and, and, and taking-

[01:04:59] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:04:59] Speaker 6: And not just listening, but listening and pondering. Uh, I, uh, usually, I don't have time for it. It's like-

[01:05:06] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:05:06] Speaker 6: ... I, I, you know, I, I hear what you're saying, I make a decision, uh, but it's one of the things I, I will say, I, I had to start viewing it that way because it was destroying my marriage way back when, to the point where I'm hearing and I alread- already have, have something in my head, uh, and my lovely wife, uh, got to a point where she was bold enough to tell me, right? (laughs) "I don't need you to figure it out, I don't need you to solve it, I don't need you...

[01:05:33] Speaker 6: (laughs) Just listen."

[01:05:35] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:05:35] Speaker 6: And in my head, I'm going, "What the heck am I listening for then?"

[01:05:39] Speaker 4: (laughs) Yeah.

[01:05:39] Speaker 8: (laughs) Yeah. Well-

[01:05:40] Speaker 2: And you don't have to agree.

[01:05:42] Speaker 6: And the answer to that, the, uh, yeah, the answer is-

[01:05:44] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[01:05:44] Speaker 6: ... you're listening to care and to connect (laughs) and, and to love her.

[01:05:49] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:05:49] Speaker 6: It's okay if she wants you to do something, listen and wait for that to happen. If she doesn't say-

[01:05:56] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:05:56] Speaker 6: ... don't want you to sit and fix anything.

[01:05:58] Speaker 2: She may not want you to do anything because you're busy doers.

[01:06:01] Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, just-

[01:06:01] Speaker 2: You're busy doers.

[01:06:02] Speaker 6: Yes.

[01:06:02] Speaker 2: And we want your feeling.

[01:06:03] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[01:06:03] Speaker 2: I will say this, and this is just an example, and then Craig, I'll, I'll give it to you, is, um, when you're talking to people and you find yourself that you want to go through, when I'm doing it on the phone, coaching people on the phone, I have a pause button on, so I don't, you know, it's not like, you know, "Just stop talking. I've got your answer, just shut up." (laughs)

[01:06:23] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:06:23] Speaker 2: I don't think it necessarily, I'm kinda... (laughs) Well, anyway, um, so, but anyway, is that when you're talking to someone and you feel yourself fra- fragmented, we train ourselves to be fragmented. We're distracted, we can't even go to church without a bunch of stuff going on, and crazy stuff.

[01:06:42] Speaker 6: Yeah.

[01:06:42] Speaker 2: So when you feel distracted or fragmented or you're thinking, "I wanna, you know, jump in," and that's really, I don't think it's just a man thing. I think that's a personality, behavioral style.

[01:06:52] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[01:06:52] Speaker 2: I really do. Um, more men have that tendency-

[01:06:56] Speaker 6: (laughs)

[01:06:56] Speaker 2: ... but I do believe it's both. I, you know-

[01:06:58] Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.

[01:06:58] Speaker 2: ... I think we really have to get real about what is really going on there, is put your fingers together like this. Can y'all see me? Where you put your tips of your fingers together like this.

[01:07:08] Speaker 8: Bring it up.

[01:07:09] Speaker 2: You touch your thumbs and you putting your tips like it's a arrowhead. You're making a arrowhead.

[01:07:13] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.

[01:07:13] Speaker 2: And you just... You don't do like that, but you're like, you know, I'm just trying to show you, is you can just relax your fingers, your hands on the table and go, "Oh." And when you feel your head going, "Well, gosh, I really hope she hurries up 'cause I need to do this," or, you know, "If I already know the answer, we've talked about this four times. I don't know-"

[01:07:31] Speaker 4: Woo. (laughs)

[01:07:31] Speaker 2: "... why we're talking about this again, really." Instead of, you can just tap your fingers, and what that says is keep it about them.It's about them. (laughs)

[01:07:41] Speaker 1: That's right.

[01:07:42] Speaker 2: It's about them. And then the other part is laying your hand. Now for women, we have jewelry sometimes, we can just lay a hand on a heart. We're laying on our heart. For men, just touch your heart every now and then.

[01:07:56] Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

[01:07:57] Speaker 2: And what happens is, wherever you touch, that's where the tension goes. You wanna speak to the heart, you show- (laughs) Not- not that one. Not that one.

[01:08:09] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[01:08:10] Speaker 2: You wanna speak to the heart- You wanna speak to the heart, you wanna connect with the heart.

[01:08:13] Speaker 1: Yes.

[01:08:14] Speaker 2: 'Cause your head is telling you all the wrong stuff. Your head will never get you out of what your heart got you into.

[01:08:18] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[01:08:19] Speaker 2: We got a lot of intellectual little people running around, thinking their way out of everything, but they haven't cured anything. (laughs) And so, when we do that and we really talk about the heart, it's inflection, tone, pace. So I can say, talking to someone, say, "Well, you know, is that the truth? Do you feel that's the truth?" Or I can say, "Is that the truth?" (laughs) Okay? Everything just went south.

[01:08:48] Speaker 1: Out the window.

[01:08:49] Speaker 2: Went south. Yeah.

[01:08:50] Speaker 1: (laughs) That's right.

[01:08:50] Speaker 2: This is gonna take a major rehaul for this to get back on track. (laughs)

[01:08:55] Speaker 1: (laughs) This is not good. We're going back. And so, those are things we can do, and to just ask permission. I believe in witnessing. We are approaching things the same way. I'm not saying it's not effective. We have millions coming to Christ every single day, but I do believe sometimes we're saying things the same way we've heard them said Right

[01:09:18] Speaker 2: I believe, what is the one thing you would love to experience? How do you feel about, you know, blah, blah, blah? If I knew of something that has made that difference for millions, what would be your willingness-

[01:09:31] Speaker 1: Amen.

[01:09:32] Speaker 2: ... to hear more about that?

[01:09:33] Speaker 1: We got five minutes.

[01:09:34] Speaker 2: Okay. We got five minutes. Who else wants to talk? Go for it.

[01:09:37] Speaker 8: I- I have-

[01:09:37] Speaker 1: I think Craig has something. Or- Or Steph.

[01:09:40] Speaker 8: No, I was just gonna say, you said it, someone said it earlier, and, um, it's not just three words, but it's actually pausing, looking into someone's eyes to their soul and saying, "I see you."

[01:09:56] Speaker 2: Right. The intimacy. "I see you."

[01:09:58] Speaker 1: That's right.

[01:09:58] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm. That's why they- they- they blabber, um, again, something that, you know, maybe we've already heard or whatever, but I- you hear it again because it's important and you need to see her-

[01:10:11] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[01:10:14] Speaker 8: ... and it's front of mind.

[01:10:14] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[01:10:15] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:10:15] Speaker 2: And you know-

[01:10:16] Speaker 8: Yeah.

[01:10:16] Speaker 2: ... the real- the real sweet spot with women is they wanna be heard, they wanna be known.

[01:10:23] Speaker 8: Yeah. What- what I would-

[01:10:24] Speaker 2: Everything else is superfluous. You know? Superfluous.

[01:10:27] Speaker 8: Really-

[01:10:27] Speaker 1: (laughs) said Steph.

[01:10:28] Speaker 8: What I was gonna say is really short. You know, I did some, uh, like, trauma informed story work therapy. It's all faith-based, really beautiful. But one of the things they talk through is how to build trust with people, which goes back to your point, Terri. And, um, one, people, their favorite word is their name. Learn people's names. I realized I was really good at children's names and not adults' names. That's- That's me making an effort with kids and not with adults, right? But ask three open questions and if you do that in a conversation, you build so much trust. So, simple. Like, and you were already giving examples of them, Terri, but tell me more.

[01:11:04] Speaker 2: Tell me more. Yeah.

[01:11:06] Speaker 8: You know, like, "Tell me more" is easy 'cause you don't have to... Even, I do it at work all the time. People come to me with an issue and I maybe know what they're... but maybe not, and I'm like, "Tell me more." And all of a sudden... And so, especially for folks that are not as talkative, I have two introverted children, that's really helpful because they can process. You're not introverted at all.

[01:11:26] Speaker 1: (laughs)

[01:11:26] Speaker 2: It is helpful. And it's also so helpful because on- when people say something you don't know what to respond with-

[01:11:33] Speaker 1: Yeah.

[01:11:33] Speaker 2: ... "Tell me more" is a great, like, filler. It's like- (laughs)

[01:11:36] Speaker 1: (laughs) Yes.

[01:11:36] Speaker 2: ... tell me more about that.

[01:11:38] Speaker 1: You're accepted. In one thought, one word, and you're accepted, huh? And they feel like, "Hey, she cares. He cares." That's really great. Well, we only have two and a half minutes. Steph, you have another capper on that?

[01:11:48] Speaker 8: That makes you a better listener. And to one of Ron's points earlier, we are not good listeners. We have the solution already when somebody comes-

[01:11:56] Speaker 1: Yes.

[01:11:56] Speaker 8: Like, we're ready for our response. And so it's also really good for us to learn because if we actually listen, it changes what happens. And- And to just validate Yeah

[01:12:06] Speaker 1: Yes.

[01:12:06] Speaker 8: Don't go for the solution.

[01:12:08] Speaker 2: And to let them know you're listening.

[01:12:11] Speaker 1: Validate. Validate.

[01:12:13] Speaker 8: To your point, about validating, letting them know, "I hear what you're... You know, I hear that this and this is the case." Um, "So tell me more about that." You know, so you're letting them know you're, you know, you're hearing. Mm-hmm

[01:12:24] Speaker 2: And, um, so I'm gonna- I'm gonna give it to you guys to complete.

[01:12:29] Speaker 1: Terri, that is great. We're great. We- She'll be back with us. Now, coming up in about three weeks here in June, we're excited for the- the famous Terri Werner part two. (laughs) We'll bring it in again.

[01:12:40] Speaker 8: (laughs)

[01:12:40] Speaker 2: (laughs)

[01:12:40] Speaker 1: We've kind of got that set going with you now, and, uh, it's great. We have, uh, we have two minutes. Steph, can you give us a 30-second shot just for folks?

[01:12:50] Speaker 8: Sure. We love that you come to hang out with us each week. Please continue to do that. Share the show. That's really helpful. You can share the recordings, and you can find all of that at bbsradio.com/raisingexpectations. That's our website. And at the top, you can give. We always appreciate, uh, cash because it takes money to be on the air and do all this production. Um, you can continue to scroll down. You can find, uh, prior recordings, how to listen live, how to connect with each one of us as co-hosts. Uh, Pastor Joe and Craig's books are linked on there. So, just a wealth of information at bbsradio.com/raisingexpectations. So thanks for hanging out with us.

[01:13:33] Speaker 1: That was amazing, 42 seconds. Wow. Amazing. (laughs)

[01:13:37] Speaker 10: (laughs) Good, Sep.

[01:13:38] Speaker 1: Way to go, Sep, see? (laughs)

[01:13:40] Speaker 8: Is it a race? I'll do it quicker next time. (laughs)

[01:13:43] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[01:13:43] Speaker 1: Lady got it right. Keep those cars and motors coming, folks. Actually, just keep the texts coming. I just showed my age. But anyway, (laughs) -

[01:13:50] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[01:13:50] Speaker 1: ... it's great to be with you tonight. And Terri, by the way, go to the site that Web showed y- uh, the website that Terri, which is given to you there by Sep, and you can look on the archives like she showed you how, and you can find Terri when she's been with us. And when she's part of the family, you'll enjoy those shows and the things that, uh, the Lord spoke to us, uh, through her heart and through her message. So we invite you to do that. All right. Well, 7:15, folks. Thanks for being with us tonight, gang. All of you, love you guys.

[01:14:18] Speaker 10: Thank you, guys.

[01:14:18] Speaker 1: Thanks for being with us, and on the East Coast, have a nice, nice sleep. (laughs)

[01:14:22] Speaker 10: Yeah.

[01:14:23] Speaker 1: And, um, yes, time for beddy-bye, and on the West Coast, well, we'll have, uh, another cup of iced tea or something.

[01:14:29] Speaker 10: We'll have a party.

[01:14:29] Speaker 1: Yeah. We're still partying (laughs) out here in the West.

[01:14:31] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[01:14:32] Speaker 1: Terri, God bless you and Dave. And Ron-

[01:14:33] Speaker 10: Thank you.

[01:14:34] Speaker 1: ... great to see you, brother. And you have a good, safe trip. We'll be praying for you. All right All right

[01:14:39] Speaker 2: Spa treatments, spa treatments.

[01:14:40] Speaker 1: That's a good one. (laughs)

[01:14:43] Speaker 10: (laughs)

[01:14:43] Speaker 1: Let's... All right. Ladies and gentlemen, God bless you and keep you. It's Monday night. Wow, what God can do the next four days or five days till we see you again. We'll love to hear about it. God bless you and keep you until then, and we'll look forward to seeing you at that point. Have a great, great week. See you then.

[01:15:01] Speaker 2: Bye-bye.

[01:15:01] Speaker 1: Bye-bye.

[01:15:01] Speaker 2: Take care.

[01:15:02] Speaker 1: Bye-bye. (uplifting music) Friends, thanks for joining us on this week's program of Raising Expectations. We profoundly hope you found it engaging and, at times, humorous, but most of all uplifting, so that we may with you, one topic at a time each week, become more encouraged to move forward to an exciting future in, as we always say, this thing called life in America today. So let not your hearts be troubled, your family, finances, faith, freedom. It can be a great future as we talk, listen, respect, and pull together. Please let me hear from you. You can reach me at 972-922-8556. That's 972-922-8556, or Joe Scofield on Facebook or LinkedIn. It'd be a pleasure to know you, and we hope you'll listen in again next week on the BBS Radio Network.