Greetings everyone. I'm so so blessed to be here with you today and along with
Aloha you want to say you want to greet? Yes Aloha to everyone we're so happy to
be here we love you I love you it's another beautiful Saturday and we are
ready to elevate all of us and here we go. Yes I'm in Philadelphia a low
house in California right now it's beautiful here in Philadelphia as well
but every day is beautiful whatever that may be I want to give the phone numbers
out if you want to join us and call in 3-2-3-7-4-4-8-3-1-8-8-8-6-2-7-6-0-0-8
and can you say that one more time? 3-2-3-7-4-4-8-3-1 and 8-8-8-6-2-7-6-0-0-8
thank you you're welcome and we have a wonderful show today as we do always but
today is special because we have a guest we have Jamie here with us today and I
just want to do a little intro on how I met Jamie and Jamie started coming in
the restaurant a few months ago and she would come in very quaint and quiet and
get her food and usually she get her food and she sit at the table by herself
and just just be you know and then she found out I was having meditation
classes and she would come to the meditation class and recently I was in
the restaurant I had went meeting somebody outside at the door I come back
and Jamie sitting at the table and me and I just started talking and I was just
blown away at her aura and her energy and at that particular time I asked her if
she would be willing to come on the program and share with us her experience
she's 18 years old now but while her life and the things that she's done is
doing really touched my heart and my soul so I'm not going to I'm gonna soon
turn the floor over to Jamie and let her share with us some things about her
life that I think is very very beautiful interesting and spirit and being
present it's a lot of things to unpack here so Jamie you want to greet
everybody hi Jamie it's a low-high hello welcome and thank you for being here
thank you yes I'm glad to be here my holler so Jamie is going to go back a
little bit and I'm gonna let her start at what age she wants to start and start
telling us somewhat about her journey so far and feel free to speak close to
the phone Jamie thank you okay so yes hello all my name is Zane and I'm gonna
start from my childhood so in my childhood I would say that I endured a
lot of abuse at the hands of relatives and it allowed me to awaken to a lot of
things that were truly happening as I grew up but I would say as a child I
wouldn't say that I was perfect or I said I was better than anybody else like my
siblings or my family members but I did feel a big difference from them and I
would say it wasn't until I've heard 15 where I you know isolated myself and I'm
going to go into how I isolate myself it was from well wait a minute before you
do that what made you think that you needed to be an isolation because you
are in a regular high school right and I actually know the high school George
watching me carve an engineer in the science my daughter went there so when
you told me that's where you went I'm like okay I'm familiar with this school
so what made you want to go in the isolation and come out of the public
school so I would say that I would say during my teen years I went through like
a lot of depression a lot of anxiety I literally just I didn't feel comfortable
being around people I was afraid to be seen I was afraid to be interpreted I
was just I was afraid to exist okay now being afraid to exist where is that
start it started a lot from my childhood you know when you like I said you know
children are very influenced when you have your parents you know the ones
that are supposed to love you when you have them belittling you and that
can lead to a child growing up having such low self-esteem and a lack of love
within themselves because they didn't receive it from the people who were
supposed to care for them and because of that and balance from within themselves
and that lack of love within themselves and all of the things that they begin
to internalize from other people's projections and you know living from
beliefs they grow up and they begin to have a very bad sense of self like they
don't know who they are and they have such a low self-esteem and so when it
came to me it was like I was very depressed I did not know who I was because
I had allowed the world to tell me who I was and I had internalized all of these
negative correlations well that why you wanted to come out of the high school
yeah you didn't want to be around people mm-hmm yeah I was I would
definitely say it tied into that I was afraid to be seen I did not feel
comfortable being around people and so I I feel like deciding that I wanted to
do online school was kind of like a a getaway from being in the world so I
started isolating myself and honestly I was forced even more to deal with my
thoughts deal with my problems because I was isolated I was by myself and I was
left to be with my thoughts now we'll say that you told me that you were still
distracted so short times I did deal with a lot of distractions you know like
watching TV constantly reading constantly or like just being in my head a lot
making up stuff you told yes scenarios because it was like a it escaped from
my reality now let me ask you something about when you would be making up
scenarios in your head would it be about things that you wish would be would it
be dark feelings what would it be it was both it was both the mixture of both
mm-hmm like I sometimes I would think about like going to the beach riding a
horse and then sometimes I would think about scenarios of me like I would say
like dying dying yeah like getting kidnapped it was just like it was very
like terrible scenarios at times and then it was good scenarios but overall I was
using it for like the wrong intentions you know that intentions and it was
ultimately to this escape my problem but at times when I was forced to confront
my problems and face them it was a lot of turmoil that I would face within
myself and it would lead to like a lot of problems okay so you went in isolation
and you were like 15 at this time right and you said you stayed in isolation for
about a year mm-hmm it was like a year and like a half a year and which you not
wanting to go out in public basically which you want in online schooling and
then you just stay in and I remember you told me even though you shared a room
with your sister she was working at Guamos the time so you were able to be
isolated now in that isolation when you would like distract yourself whether it
would be with TV or just reading or in your head where does that lead you so the
isolation it led me to become aware of a lot of things because like I said I was
I was forced to kind of be in like a confined space and I was left to deal
with my own thoughts and I had to face not only the problems within myself but
also the problems externally that resided within my family within your family
and that would be your mother in a sibling at that particular time right
you know what he reminds me of I talked to someone that had been incarcerated
and he told me that he was forced to confront himself because of that being
in that cell and he was able to see a lot about his own self instead of just
always projecting outside of himself blaming this one blaming that when it
eventually came back to hell yeah so I will say that I had to confront my
shadow self what's your shadow self is kind of like the parts of ourselves
that we suppressed it obtains a lot of dark parts of ourselves you know the
parts of ourselves that we still ashamed of and we want to suppress and hide and
so like I said I had to also realize that I played a big part in it as well
like I wasn't completely in your surroundings you know turn loyal because
I had internalized those behaviors and so I even became aggressive aggressive at
times and I was saying like in some ways it was kind of sort of to protect myself
and to you know survive that environment but I will say that I wasn't perfect and
at times I did partake in like arguing you know it's just a bunch of bunch of
chaotic things and so many as you about your relationship with your mother
how does that play out was it chaos between you and her too was the
article between you and her like more like two women or was it like her
arguing at you as my daughter it was like two women like it was like I would say
that my mother she was he was very I would say that me and like my relationship
with her it was in itself very unhealthy and like with everyone else around
because like I said it was like it was like a toxic relationship because we
were constantly arguing but then we would get back together but it was no type of
communication it was just immediately jumped like okay we're arguing and we're
finding next moment but the thing about it made me think like that with with
just people in general they could be married or whatever and they are fighting
and arguing the next thing you know no conversation but they're having sex
or going to a movie but nothing being discussed yeah that's that's the problem
because this also can reinforce the idea that communication is not important and
it also leaves a child to begin to avoid conflict in any way possible by not
knowing how to communicate their needs okay that's that's a good point and I'm
gonna tell you because you made a good point when you don't understand or been
in the situation of resolving conflict or knowing how to have just a
conversation to straighten things out get things on the table it can cause you to
avoid conflict and do anything to not be a conflict could be lying or you know
what I'm saying yeah when you don't have that that balance of communication and
you're just constantly fighting and then you know getting back together it is
really disrupt a healthy environment that can be created and so I would say
that that and itself like I said like me and my mother's relationship it was it
was it was honestly I had like I was looking back at it because I will say
that my father was in my life during my childhood but he barely like barely and
he was very physically abusive like he was physically abusive my mother she
was physically abusive at times but it was very rare she was more so emotionally
and mentally abusive like she would attack you with her words you know
what she would say and I feel like a lot of people they focus more so on physical
abuse but emotional and mental abuse is just as worse it is if not even more at
times because you're messing with that person's head especially as a child like
you're a grown adult and you're speaking like and in my like it can be spelled
like you're you're speaking badly over your child and that can um like I said
like they begin to internalize that they begin to believe that that those
limiting beliefs those projections become their beliefs until they grow up and
start to unravel them and unlearn them but until then they become a mirror of
what they are you told me you felt belittle criticized and that led you to
not want to even go outside yeah because you projected that into society as well
you projected that into your school as well so you wanted to come out of all
of that you didn't want to anybody you didn't want to be seen that's what you
told me yeah definitely and I would say that I feel like she was
more so of an enabler like she she because like I said it comes down a lot
to generational curses and generational trauma it's all learnt behavior and it's
like if you don't become aware of that because becoming aware that is like the
first step to actually beginning to like work on it but if you're not aware of
that and you're repeating those cycles and you know inflicting it and projecting
it onto your children that cycle continues until someone becomes aware of
it and decides that it's something that can be broken and you found out the
isolation because that's when you were forced to look at your shadow self yeah
yeah so I just started realizing a lot of wrongful behavior and harmful
behavior that eventually became normalized because of how familiar it was it was
constantly done and that becomes normal and so I would say that I would say that
I would say that I would say that during the isolation period and just being
alone and more you know so to myself I have to face a lot of things and so I
would say also what kind of like push me to like when I during the isolation
period would push me to start going outside again.
On the face that you started was that because what pushed you to go outside?
So like I said like the home the place that I reside in it had a lot of like
bugs and stuff like that especially like during the summertime they would come
out more and they begin to crawl in my bed. What kind of fun. I would say now we
did deal with like roaches. It isn't exactly a roach it was more so
something else. I'm not exactly sure what it was. It was another bug.
Yeah it was a bug and they would just crawl in my bed and it would like.
But with you in it they would just come in the bed. Yeah okay. I would be on my
laptop and I would just see when crawling and I feel like the bedroom
because this was like this was like my safety space as well like in this household.
So my room my safety space became something that I did not want to be in.
So it kind of forced me to no longer want to be in that room and so I would
like go to like go in the living room or going into the kitchen but bugs were
still there. And so and bugs said okay they tell me the energy of the house.
What was going on in the house? So there was a lot of negative energy inside of
the household. It was a lot of turmoil, chaos and all of that stagnant energy
clutter as well. All of that stagnant energy is it's not being released. It's
just laying rain around and I feel like it can show up in many different forms
and I feel like bugs is one of them. If you are just you know it's just a lot of
negativity being held within a space and there's just no release and it's just
constant conflict and you know chaos inside that place. It can lead to it showing up
in physical formation through you know bugs for example. I would say this kind
of led to me like no longer even wanting to be in there. So I started like applying
for jobs and I ended up getting a job like my first ever job in September and
I started working and I started being away from there more and I feel like I
started realizing a lot of things and just seeing how like just coming through
the realization of how a lot of things a lot of behaviors that I saw within my
family was very unhealthy and it wasn't just something that I just I wouldn't
say it's something that I just woke up one day and was like oh no it was it was
definitely like a bunch of aggression. Yes it was a bunch of things that had
happened that caused me to realize like okay I no longer want to you know deal
with this. You know what I'm saying. It's really I want to I want to touch on
something before you move forward about the creatures the bugs because there is
an energy there okay that attracts them to an environment and it could be now
clutter could be one of them but it could also be situations where there's
the energy in the house but no clutter and they'll still find their way in.
Yes that's a whole another thing but go ahead I was just thinking of that thing
about different creatures coming in the house and then the boldness and some
creatures that come in because they'll get on people's beds some won't they'll
just go around you know fall around but when they start coming on the bed and
things like that it's getting critical. Okay go ahead. So after getting my first
job and just being away from there a bit more and like as I just started growing
up more and becoming more aware of things this is when I kind of start
distancing myself from my family because of realizing that their behaviors were
not only harmful but they were also patterns that they weren't wanting to get
out of. They probably weren't even aware that it was a pattern. Yeah it was like
considered so normalized. Yeah but it's like I had understood at that point that
okay how can I do what's best for myself disregarding like everyone else
because like I said like you're the only constant yourself you have to do what's
best for yourself if that looks like leaving people alone that are abusive
then that's something that you should consider that's something that you
should do and so at I would say I want to actually at I would have turned 16
the year prior to getting my job like a couple months prior to getting my job
and like I said it was a lead up of things it wasn't just like something it
was a lead up of things of where I was just able to reflect back what a lot of
things from my past and I started just realizing how they were unhealthy and
so I feel like it got to a point where I actually started calling it out like
calling it out and saying certain things were not healthy certain things were
harmful. You know you call me about to yourself or to your family. Okay and how
did that feel like in some ways it was still kind of they were still kind of
normalizing it like they didn't see any wrong in it they did not want to face
that because they were collapsed their own reality and how they view things and
when someone is very close minded and they don't want to see things outside of
the belief that they have constructed and formed they're going to refuse to see
what you are questioning when it comes to their own beliefs. Because they
don't want to see things outside of that and so I did start confronting things
and I and I had already known that I had grown that space and I felt like they
could see that and specifically my mother and I feel like how does she
react to you think knowing that you're outgrowing this space. So my mother I
feel like she she wasn't always I would say very terrible but like there was
moments where she was kind and stuff like that but like I said even that kind of
and itself it comes down to like okay I honestly I don't really think that she
did a lot of things I love no matter how kind it seemed because I don't really
think she knew what love was because she hadn't ever been shown it and she
hadn't ever even marked to love herself and so there was no way that she
could possibly help like give it give love to her own children in a healthy
way in a healthy manner and so but yeah I did realize that like when we were much
younger she was a bit kind at times but I don't think it was in a loving manner
but more so like in a like a tolerating manner like okay you're my children I
have to tolerate you I have to take care of you and she also spoke to me about
how like she when she had children she imagined it being like a fantasy but the
problem was that she she brought us into an environment that wasn't even safe
like it wasn't even safe for us and so but like I said she was I feel like she
was repeating that cycle that she had learned from her parents from her childhood
yeah and when you're doing it unaware and you're not recognizing how your
behaviors reflect a lot of what your parents did and you just continue down
that that line of doing things with a lack of awareness of it it can lead to
very terrible consequences so anyways I realized as she got older I realized
that she got worse and I feel like yeah there's no action yes it was much more
it wasn't I would say she got worse because she was still getting older but
she wasn't learning from the lessons that she was going through in life she
was repeating them and the problem with that is that you eventually become a
victim in the reality and we have that victim mindset and you have that you
have that victim mentality like you're just constantly a victim in your own
life you begin to notice everybody else's fault you begin to blame everybody else
and so she got to a point where it was like it was something that could no
longer be so hidden she started just like she was just constantly complaining
constantly yelling constantly screaming just constantly projecting her problems
with other people because you know the same misery love company she couldn't no
longer so much hide her misery as much as she put like she used to because it got
to a point where it was like okay she was tired of everything she was tired of
everything that she endured not knowing that she played a huge part in her own
suffering you she was allowing you know because it's one thing to say that okay
you know you attracted this thing but like I said a lot of the times the
experiences that we go through in life they're meant to help us they're meant
to help us learn and grow even if they're even if they're negative because even
the negative teaches you know teaches us and when it came to her she felt to
actually learn from her lesson she continued to constantly feel like the
world was against her instead of realizing that it was actually working
on her favor by giving her a teacher that she could learn from and anyway she
she carried this victim mentality she was angry at the world she was angry at
her herself it was built up anger and she was releasing it through
foul play through chaotic behavior and it became worse because she still was
not learning from the lessons that don't have to just play out how she dealt with
people how she dealt with her children or just going on tangent the anger I would
say the emotional these got worse her because like I said my mother she was
not really very physical at times she was at times physical but she was more so
like verbally abusive she would try and get you with her words and like
psychology psychologically she would try and get you with her words and I feel
like it got worse like she was just constantly trying the little me or
anyone else who you know any even my other siblings who would get in her way
or she felt like anybody she being as a threat in that present moment and if
you didn't even have to be in that present moment it's like something bad
what happened to her and she would immediately think of everything else bad
and take it out on her children or anyone else that was in her
surrounding and so I would say that eventually got to a point where I was
like okay I don't deserve this you know what I'm saying I don't I don't deserve
that treatment and I knew that it was time for me to leave okay so you decided
now how over you at that point so at this point when I decided that it was time
for me to leave you didn't leave at that point but you had decided when it was
like 17 17 it was definitely like honestly even before 17 I wanted to leave
but 17 was when I was like okay I like this is when I feel like I also really
started on the passion for my family like I no longer felt so I no longer felt so
wanting to be in their presence and this is when I started feeling a very big
pull away from them because I no longer I felt detached from them I felt like I
had outgrown them in many different spaces in my life and I knew that it was
time for me to kind of separate myself from them but you know rules restrictions
and laws I had to wait until I was 18 to do so and so at 18 I decided to leave
and at any means possible beforehand before I turned 18 I was looking into
like places of where you could go because the thing was is that I already
have planned months prior like a year ago that I wanted to Oregon so I was
always talk about when we'll get to Oregon later but go ahead and then she
says so I a year prior to that to when I turned 18 I already knew that I wanted
to move out of Philadelphia but I still had to graduate so I was working towards
graduating and beforehand I wanted to get like a room or something I was
looking for places so when you walked out looking to be at 18 so when you were
17 going into 17 you knew you're gonna go out you're gonna leave yes you had
already detached and you knew that this is going to be it once you become of age
which is 18 so all of this time when you're beginning to detach you're looking
at everything differently in the home when you see them as like not sure not
your family so you're not okay yeah you're not just looking at like I got to do
this because that's my mother I got to do this because that's my sister that's
you're not looking at them as the titles that title that's very that that right
there is a very important point not respecting titles it doesn't mean that
you're not going to respect your mom but the title brings on these inclinations
that you have to be a certain way with this person because of the title go
yeah so when you separate the titles you separate their their physical bodies
you separate who you like who they were meant to be from who they actually are
and you start to see their soul you start to see through like the flesh you
start to see who you know their spirits and you just start seeing it for what it
is that's when it kind of put me at a okay so explain that because you did this
is a very important point because what this is to me and this comes from your
isolation and from you having to go within because you said you saw this is
third eye thing that you're talking about this is not these two eyes here okay
because you said you saw through the flesh so that means you're looking beyond
that physical and you're going within and you see the actual soul of a person
and that sometimes can be scary because it's very it can be dark I mean once
you see and you're not looking with these two eyes lion eyes that's what I
call and you start you've learned to go within now so you the third eye is
active so now you're going to be able to see things that you didn't see before
yeah right so now when you look at a person it could be you could see
something that's not pleasant you know what I mean right which one that go
there because it's like I was no longer seeing my family as my family I started
seeing their their pain their trauma the dark the darkness that was out of
within them that went unnoticed by their own eyes and I started separating that
that title from whom they actually were presenting themselves to be so even
when it came to my own mother I was no longer seeing her as my mother at this
point I was seen right as a as a dark entity that felt to recognize her own
wound that's powerful right there and I'll tell you what you just said some
people can't even said on what you just said they may think of something wrong
but I know exactly what you're talking about I did go to it that's why I wanted
to do this interview go to it but yes it seemed that definitely was a very
hard thing to do and at that point I knew that I had to get away because when it
comes to your safety being threatened and you know that just because they're
your relatives just because they have that title of being family that's not
going to stop them or the capabilities that they may possess of doing terrible
things that can go to an extreme farther than what they have done and so at that
point I knew that I had to put myself first for my safety and for my own
health and I had to separate myself and so eventually I ended up like never
finding a room like I never got a room so I ended up going into a shelter and I
decided to stay there until I graduated which will be in June so how did you
find the shelter did somebody tell you about it or so I started looking up
shelters like shelters they'll near me and it came up you know funny thing about
the story actually is that when I called the shelter they said that they had this
open but anyways the like a couple days later I mean they had told me on the
phone before it was a couple days before I called them because I'm like okay I'm
not gonna I don't think I'm gonna get them room in time so I'm gonna you know
try out a shelter so I called them and they were like yeah we do have beds open
but I would suggest you call the day before your birthday or call me to it
when you turn 18 right just to make sure now I think they said actually call the
day of your birthday just to make sure that there is still beds open I call
the day of my birthday and the person that was who answered the phone said
there was no beds open no beds open and that's what they told me on the phone
there was no beds open there was no space for me there I was like I during that
time I thought it was not more shelters because I was just so afraid and I was
experiencing so much anxiety during the time because I was like there's no way
I'm staying here another night after my birthday I have to get out of here I
would determine to find a place and so that same shelter that told me that
there was no beds left I took initiative and I literally went to the shelter in
person and I was like I talked to a lady and she was like okay you can stay you
can stay in here you can stay in a room for maybe two days and you know we can
figure out what to do with you on Monday the man comes up and he's like the man
told me there was no beds he comes up and he seems like frustrated but I'm
there because he's like okay I still don't the phone there was no bed but I
was determined to get one anyways and so he was like I told her on the phone
there was no beds anyways so I took like two bags of me because like I said I
wasn't sure what they would say once I got there because he already told me on
the phone back when he said the mother did anybody see you leaving with me
actually was that work okay works overnight at the time so well I'm
pretty sure my siblings did actually in my siblings did it was my brother and my
little sister that was still there and did they actually where you going no I
didn't have well my little sister she knew I had told her about everything I
told her how because even the dynamic that I named it between my little sister
my mother that was toxic in itself as well she treated my little sister horribly
but like I said I saw myself a lot in my little sister I felt like trauma
bonds trauma bonds you know that's her mother and so I feel like you know she's
getting mistreated by her but she still has this this this attachments at her
because that's her mother and I saw myself a lot in my little sister because I
feel like that's how I was when I was her age and I you know had that relationship
with my mother it was very toxic in itself but you know that's your parent
you want that you know you want them to be a certain person so I did have a
conversation with her like the night before like I have to leave and how did
she taste it she she was upset about it a little bit but even like like I said
like the dynamics that I had with my siblings even those were kind of toxic
like just very terrible arguments and I feel like a lot of it was picked up on
how we would see our parents communicate and so yeah like I didn't really
necessarily have a good relationship even my even with my little sister but at
the same time like I had to realize that she was a child herself a lot of the
behaviors that she possessed and that she embodied were behaviors that she
learned from other people and so but it's like I still kind of wanted to have
that relationship with her because I knew she was just a child but so I did have
a conversation with her a night before the night before that I actually left
and I was just telling her like okay I have to get out of here because I will
say that when I started becoming aware of everything I actually ended up calling
like CPS home on mother yes okay like you actually follow complete yeah okay
yes there was an investigation but like I said a lot of people in fact the
social work one of the social workers literally said that abuse and black
family is cultural so I didn't have a good release I didn't have a good
experience with the social worker but like I said like a lot of people
normalized the abuse emotional abuse because it's not always physical
hitting but emotional and verbal abuse yeah we talked about this on the
program about abuse and it's not just physical hitting you well this is really
mind-blowing because you're touching on so many beautiful facets of life and the
fact that you could detach enough from your mother to try to save your sister
by calling CPS that's huge but this fact that you detach meant that you wanted
to save her if you could yeah okay so if you had a state in that mode of the
title you could have like rationalized not calling CPS because that's my mother
you see what I'm saying so I can't do that but you had already made that
separation from what you actually saw and set up dealing with the fact of
titles which led you to be able to call CPS but again they even talked about
being cultural and I don't know what they did they were gonna investigate yeah
there was an investigation but they never actually did anything about it like we
still have to reside there and it got to a point where it's like what I noticed
with my little sister I had to realize that I cannot save everyone and she's a
child herself she's not going to see everything from my view my viewpoint
because like I thought even me like on my own journey I had to come to this
realization myself no one could tell me this and so I had to realize what my
little sister I couldn't say for because I feel like at times like my mother in
her they begin to argue a lot a lot and the arguments that she would have on my
little sister would eventually turn on to me because she like I said I had to go
back in the home wilds to 17 and she would like constantly bring up how I
called CPS on her and I would always stand on my point because of how she
behaved and my little sister anyways she could my little sister and her will
constantly get our unit so I feel like she she kind of knew something was wrong
but like I said the behavior was very normalized and so even with her the
dynamic that I did that I did okay let me take a second yeah dynamic that I
would see with her and my sister it was this constant arguing and then getting
back together no no communication and like I'm talking about like she was
literally personal of sister out but little heart mind you this is a 12 year
old that she's speaking to yes curse her out constantly but little her and I
thought it was physical at times it was physical and like I'm talking about
arguments at four o'clock at you know in the morning well what does she do wake
her up who's up at four in the morning because my mother like like she works
overnight okay so you guys being bed when she came in at 4 a.m. well the
thing is that because she works overnight her speech schedule is very
different than ours so on the days that she would be off she would usually be up
in the middle of the night and she would randomly get into arguments my little
sister at four in the morning because this is not sleepy sometimes she would
like wake her up just wake her up yeah or sometimes she sometimes she would be
up like if she was staying up that late or you know two a.m. it would just be
very early in the morning and so I noticed that that they would argue and
they would also get back together like it was a dynamic that I saw within myself
and my mother as well and I had to realize that I could not save her as much as I
wanted to like even when I got into the shelter I tried to stay into contact with
my little sister we didn't text as much because like I said it was like I wanted
to just completely let go of my past but I also had this wanting to save her so I
did like tell the shelter about everything that happened because I still kind of
wanted to save her but I kind of realized there was a very like a very big
disconnection to me and my little sister and I'm it's probably because she you
know there's been things that have been told about me and you know because this
smear a smear campaign you know if they can't listen to family yeah your campaign
began against you yes because if they cannot control you and they see that
true about them around them that's when they will get you know don't get to try
to control other people's narrative of you and so that's what I realized with her
it was kind of like okay she was trying to get over things because like I said
it's generational trauma generational curses so she would have literally
conversations with my grandma on the phones about about what was occurring
and would just you know and she wasn't just with me like she would talk terribly
about my older sister she would talk terribly about everybody anybody that
she deemed as a threat the problem was that I spoke up about it they would just
keep quiet about it they would nor they could they normalize it but I would
speak up about it and even like well my little sister also would speak up about
it when they were getting to arguments but I realized because like like I say
with my grandma when it came to my grandma she was also abusive towards my
mother and you know childhood she was very abusive towards my mother and I feel
like her father my mother's father was also absent in her life so you know just
that comedy the continuation of the same thing yes it was the same cycle the only
thing was that the roads were kind of switched my mother she she wasn't really
I mean no actually wasn't really a switch of roads because my father he was
still very absent but when he was present he was abusive and my mother she was
as I say it more so emotionally and verbally abusive and like I said it got
worse or as she got older because of this unwillingness to learn and grow and so
I would say she changed but it wasn't exactly for the best you know and
eventually as I saw things as they were I did get to a point where once I was
able to separate myself and sorry you know being I was able to get myself
away from them this is one even beforehand I was learning to forgive I
was like I started meditating and stuff like that and doing mindfulness I will
go out in nature because I felt like nature was kind of like a place that I
could like you know escape to and just be present and be mindful and I would
do it like do meditation yoga like there's this there's this this yoga
position called the child oh yeah and I started doing that because apparently
like yoga it helps release a lot of trauma because not a lot of things can
only be released through the mind sometimes it has to be released to the
body as well because your body it's it stores up all that trauma is there all
that that I'm paying throughout the years and it and it's why we find
ourselves constantly feeling tidy or not feeling good in the present moment
because our body can be stuck in the past our body can be reliving moments
that have already passed but because it's visioning that as the present moment
our body can be reacting to that and at least to one constantly living in
survival and living in this the headspace of comfy being on fight
firefly and so it's not only meditation that you have to learn but also body
practices mindfulness that allows your body to release that trauma veteran
nervous system has stored up and so I started doing those practices and just
I had been like learning to forgive and even like going back to the past and
like hugging my little like my younger self my child self to like you don't
tell her that everything is okay okay and so it did help a lot but it's like
even now I'm still doing that and I've learned I'm not gonna say I'm all the
way there yet like sometimes I feel like when I get triggered it pulls up those
experiences from the past because a lot of the root of things stems from the
past from your childhood from what you went through and so when I do get
triggered it does like it leaves but it leads into like layers you know deep
layers and I feel like those triggers they point towards which you still have
to work on which is up to hill from the uphill wounds that are still lying
within you and so when I would get triggered or I would experience something
that I didn't like I would be able to reflect on it and analyze it and like
see where this first initially came from yeah but that's because you had learned
mindfulness and being present that came from your meditation that came from
when you were in isolation okay so that practice of now you see and realizing
that you're triggered when a lot of people are triggered they don't know
they're being triggered they just think that's been normal behavior oh you did
that to me so this is how I react okay and they normalized that behavior and
by you going through that isolation period and like you said be a force to
see your shadow so you found that when those things occur how to deal with it
yeah definitely um it allowed me to learn how to deal with those
triggers and see that see how I can grow from them like I said I'm not
perfect sometimes I have like reacted to my triggers and like sometimes I have
reacted in like in negative ways but then you still realize that even after
was right that you did get into that trigger that again of being mindful
because when people are triggered and they exhibit behavior they can either
rationalize it or things that's just how I am yeah not knowing one's up not have
gone within to find out why I'm like this why do I react these ways like you said
that word is perfect they normalize it yeah and some people and families they
even say we're all like this we all have bad chances we all react this way because
they normalize that behavior they haven't went within to realize that you don't
even know who you are and even like even physical health problems high blood
there diabetes just all this damage that's not something that runs in the family
that's something that has been continued as a cycle from the way people are
eating you know the way they be acting to hear their behavior because all of
that stress that they're undergoing it's affecting their body physically in many
different ways it's not something that runs in the family it's something that
you've continued and it's reflecting back to you and physical way to you
well it's just like we were talking about the yoga pose right the healing the body
and then when you look at the different venues that are out here in nature like
releasing right because you can release spiritually some people do it through
crying they see something yeah both profound about themselves or their
surroundings and they release it it's the same thing with herbs yes certain
herbs they have a certain job so what they'll do they'll go in and they'll work
on you maybe your liver your gallbladder your colon and you might get a bowel
release just from the herbs you take right and it'll take a lot of the
poisons out of you and flush them down the toilet it's like these avenues are
out here but you have to realize that they're all yeah it's a lot of natural
ways to to heal from things physically spiritually and the problem is well is
that people constantly try and go to doctors and it's like doctors sometimes
aren't even well informed of like the natural holistic ways of living they
need to be try to seldom medications or things that's only going to temporarily
act as a band-aid yeah it's not actually treating the root problems it's just it
just suppressing it is just temporarily withholding it but it's not going to
get to the root of things and I had to realize that as well when it came to a
lot of you know like I said like high blood pressure all of that is coming
from stress that they're passing down from one generation to the next but it's
not something that you know that runs in the family you know it's it's something
that habits run in the family a generational thing that you just pick up
just by being in that environment with the family being raised in that family
how you react to stress what you're eating all of that leads to you having
the same preclivities that stay at that your family members have yeah wow so your
little sister you said also what kind of speak up to your mom she would start
being things I would say I would say she definitely did see things because she
spoke about them but the problem is that she was stuck in that cycle as well that
I found myself in where she was she was she would argue with her she would speak
about things but then the next moment they would be together and I feel like
that ties into like a trauma bind you know like you're you're arguing with
that person this obviously and I know an unhealthy relationship but you also
have and you haven't in this attachment to that person yeah a lot of
relationships this is just go through that trauma bonds they argue carry on
this fight you all kinds of things push each other out no particular type of
no particular type of communication about what just happened and then go
back like everything is normal yeah and that that lack of communication just
creates an even further unhealthy relationship because there's no type of
learning how to confront conflict and handle it correctly and help in a healthy
manner and it also leads to a build-up of resentment because you know you're
carrying these problems that you've never spoke up with or spoke up to in a
healthy manner you're carrying those problems and they're becoming even bigger
problems and so yeah I have to realize a lot of these unhealthy behaviors and I
have to separate myself from them in order to grow and unlearn those
behaviors because as much as I wanted to try you cannot heal you cannot heal all
the way in an environment that was the cause of those those trauma
because even when it came to me like even when I started like you know healing
and you know just going on my healing journey it was very hard to do that
because I was constantly getting triggered in that environment that I was in that
caused those those unheal wounds and the trauma that I endured that had became my
responsibility to heal from it so you knew that you had to come out of that
environment you have to separate yourself you have to separate yourself
because it's just the same old same old thing that continues to happen so when
you finally were turning 18 and you made that call and they said there were no
beds but you were determined you're like I will not be denied that's where you
were I will not be denied and you went to the place in person that's really
interesting as well because usually today with technology people don't go any
place in person so whatever they are told on the phone or by a text they
have heard of that so it's really amazing that you were told on the phone we don't
have a bed for you but you went there took your energy because it's all about
energetics right so you took yourself to this place and a lady came right not
the man that said no if there he came later and he was mad because did I tell
you even had no bed what do you get for right so then the lady and so this
lady your angel that's what she was that day she came and said you could stay
here a couple of days she was like you could stay here for two days and then
by Monday we'll have a decision so at this point I had only been like two
bags me I had like about five bags I had less three back at the place because I
wasn't sure if they would let me so I was like okay I'm going to take these two
bags of clothes and that'll be enough alright Jamie you can come in there I'm
sorry I shot that okay so but she told me that by Monday she could um we would
like him come to a decision about where I thought well where did you stay for
those two days because he said there was no bed actually so for those two days
right so I talked to lady I was like okay I have because at that point I had only
bought two bags with me I got like a Uber and I had only bought two bags so
I'm like okay can I go back to the place I was gonna go back to the place and get
the rest of my bag and it's really you call it the place you don't call it home
you know that you're right you didn't call it I'm going back home to get the
other bags you said I'm going back to the place so you have really detested
this point mm-hmm so like I was gonna go back there and get the rest of my bag and
so she was like okay how many bags do you have and I told her like it's just a
couple and so she allowed me to go back there and I went back there I got the
rest of my bags and left everything behind that I didn't eat like the
keys to the place and I got my bags I left so you said I don't need any keys
because I got everything that I'm not going back here every year it's not
going back so I left the keys there and um I took the bags and I went back to
the shelter now what feeling did you have once you just put the bags I'm
shutting this door never to return I felt good wow did you feel freedom
so liberated yeah there was also anxiety but I was on a with Cindy and that was
really because the funny thing is that was only because of the shelter the
reason why I felt anxiety that day was because of the shelter like I didn't
know where I would be staying but before that I was had made like the
morning of my birthday I had made me a bowl of oatmeal I was like yes I'm the
coach my best was that I was happy so it only only starts feeling anxiety once
the shelter had told me that there was no bed so I had took initiative and I was
like okay because I'm getting out of it today so I went there and all of that
occurred anyways fast forward to like when I had one best of a place to get
rest of the rest of my bags I took another Uber to take the bags back to
the shelter the rest of the bag and the lady was like okay we have good news
there's actually a bit for you that's open and so I was able to stay there and
the man he was gone no he's I he does like still reside there but I just keep
my distance away from him I don't take things personal but like I don't know I
probably thought he was doing his job at the time whatever but yeah I end up
getting to bed and I've been standing there for a couple months and I'm going
to be leaving in like three weeks I know and I'm gonna miss you so when you
you got the bed and how many roommates do you have three so like I know in my
room it's like four because there's two bump it so four people and total it's
definitely a lot because I feel like when you when you're sharing a space with
someone you also have to deal with their problems that they have and so I
definitely dealt with a lot with having roommates I would never do this again I
don't I don't think I want to do it again unless it's like what people I trust
but it's definitely this is an experience you had to go through as well
yeah yeah now you can't subtract it because you say I'm out here today and
the fact that they didn't have a bed right then a bed appears that you're
supposed to experience whatever with these energies of these other three
women okay and how was it it was something you could tolerate it was
like just at times it was like it was chaos it was very chaotic to the point
where I was dealing with like health issues that I was dealing with at the
place I was at it but I had this determination like I was like I'm not
going to go back to like past problems that I already surpassed this is in this
present moment I meant to get through this and deal with this until I'm not
because I knew that every every moment it was only temporary and it it was going
to pass eventually and so I was just like I just got to get through this and
honestly during this point as well this was like the beginning where I had like
roommates that were like terrible like this is when I first arrived there and
there the rumors were just terrible but at this point I was still looking for a
room to stay in temporarily while I was still in the shelter but eventually I
gave up on the room searching once I realized I was getting closer towards
to leave yeah to leave and because it was like I don't see any point in you know
doing it anymore and so um it was the roommates eventually because like I said
like they eventually they eventually actually got kicked out like two of them
got kicked out and then one of them I think because it's only a certain
age that you can stay there for I think it's like I forgot to age but it's 20
something and I think one of them had hit their birthday but I didn't really have
good experiences with them but I also feel like in some ways they did reflect
me like the the dark parts of myself that carry very negative behaviors and
the only difference was that I was able to be aware of those behaviors and so I
did see like certain traits that people carry like jealousy anger hatred and
and so where they did reflect me like past versions of myself or like you
know the the dark sides of myself I was able to see that within them and it
allowed me to give them a bit more grace it was very hard but the thing you know
that's another point you getting them grace whereas before that you would have
took it in a negative way did jealousy to anger that he and it was it was
definitely too like I was definitely I could see it for what it is I could see
like what they were radiating and I was able to point it out I was able to see
through their own patterns I could see who they were and it was very hard to be
compassionate while I was still in that environment with them but once they left
I was able to you know reflect more back on to it and I felt like I was able to
give them more of race and compassion and forgive them but as I said forgiveness
is not me reconciliation and like I feel like even though we can see parts of
ourselves and so we can see parts of ourselves and other people it's not
mean we have to tolerate that behavior but I also feel like it allows us to look
within ourselves and point out what it is that we have to look for you know what
that reminds me of is like you said giving someone grace doesn't mean
reconciliation I remember with my ex-husband and all the things that had
went on and when I was able to see him and give him grace but there will never be
any reconciliation okay that doesn't mean a judgment or anything that just
means that you're clear you see you see you see now with these two and you just
see what's going on so you're not going to put yourself back in that situation
at the same time you still get that missing grades
yeah you're allowed to give them grace to show them compassion exactly what's
out without tolerating that behavior exactly and I feel like it's definitely
like because I feel like when you're overly empathetic because I used to be
this person as well I realized like long ago that I was a very sensitive person
I feel like I can sense someone's energy I can sense when someone is not feeling
okay and I would absorb it like you know absorbing people's energies and I
had to learn to protect my own energy to like you know to let them deal with it
without taking on that burden or that responsibility that wasn't mine and so
I also felt like being in that environment I would be okay but then it's
like as soon as you know other energies into the room it was just like this big
shadow it was just this big darkness and I felt like I was absorbing their energy
but it's like I also it's also this this learning this practice that you have to
embody of learning to protect your energy without allowing other people to
interfere with it because the truth is that this world is it's not all rainbows
and you know so you're going to be around it's going to be around a lot of
different energy that comes it's not going to always be positive but you can't
allow that the negative energies to affect you so much the point where you
are feeling down yeah so you know how people say I was feeling good until they
did that and they ruined my bed that's what you're talking about you can't let
these other energies you have to learn how to throw come to that house to
handle yourself just because this person is feeling that way doesn't mean you
have to embody that and now my day is messed up you can't because when you
look at yourself as the creator and not a victim you start to realize how you play
a part in your own reality so okay yeah that person did whatever they did but
you can't control that but you can control how you respond to it and so if
you respond to it in a negative way by mar matching and mirroring their energy
that is your that's your responsibility that's your fault and so you've allowed
them now to ruin your day it wasn't exactly so we don't but you took apart
in that by not only that you actually gave them control yeah probably gave
them control because you said you were fine then they brought this along and
you took it on and you were bodied it and you matched it so they actually
controlled the narrative yeah okay yeah and instead of looking at it like oh you
did this to me I'll be there to you know they actually controlled you
allowing them to control your behaviors your emotions your feelings your thoughts
so yeah and also another thing about thoughts is that I feel like a lot of
the times we aren't always experienced in our own thoughts we're experiencing
thoughts that stem from systems that were programmed within us we're
experiencing thoughts of other people thought that we are absorbing in that
moment and we have to learn to decipher between what's ours and what's not ours
and that's why so important most of it everything most of it you're gonna find
is not yours mm-hmm we can go with them you're gonna find the most of your
thoughts and your reactions and who you think you are didn't come from your own
thought mm-hmm you were indoctrinated into this and it became you okay once you
go within and everything changes you see because once you go within and tap in to
your own inner divinity everything changes and that's what you've experienced
and it's really beautiful how you have handled it with grace you see you're not
just angry 18 year old you know it's like the thing everybody is wrong and
they're right and you know it's so refreshing and I'm so glad and I met you
and I also had to also wanted to touch on how there's so many possibilities and
realities that exist there's not just one soul possibility or perspective that we
experienced through the three-dimensional world through our senses of tasting
touching sensing and smelling and feeling like there's there's there's
realities that exist beyond the three-dimensional world that we can physically
see and when you sit down and that's a lot of the times that's the reason why a
lot of the times children are so very they're very free because they are able
to be present and they are also able to let go of things and they're also in
touch with their imagination your imagination can take you to so many
different worlds and realities that you are you are capable of experiencing if
you believe that and so that's all when it comes into meditation you're allowed
to go past the unforeseen you're able to go to towards different dimensions and
you're able to go to different realities and able to imagine them and eventually
those those the things that you imagine can become manifestations things that you
begin to see reflect into your reality if you truly place fake into them and so
that's why I feel like children they're very in touch with their imagination
but eventually as they get older they start being faced more with reality
and they start to they start to lose touch with their imagination and it leads
them to no longer seeing the the multiple realities and existence you
know things that the multiple they can experience yeah instead of heaven is
narrow world yeah because the truth is that we were never going to know
everything there's always something that is there's always another thing that if
there is to learn and it can unravel it to even more answers and more quest so I
would say that when you don't look at things from a limited perspective you
understand there's multiple possibilities that exist and you don't just limit
yourself down to one you allow yourself to see that we are limitless beings that
that are capable of doing anything that we want to do because multiple realities
exist and when you allow yourself to imagine those realities they become
real isn't it's no longer just in the mind you'll start to see it well you can
manifest it yeah you know and people do it all the time they invent things that
people think how did you invent this how did you think of this how how did this
become this the imagination okay going within and then putting it into practice
gaining those ideas right and we're as somebody will look at it and say well how
would you do that how did you come up with that the imagination you see it
can take you so many places we just have to get back in touch with that and I
feel like well that's what it said become like a child again yes child like
the sound like behavior it allows us to touch into who we have always been that's
passed like the mask in the facade that we thought we had to put on in order to
survive and to protect ourselves we when you start to tap back into your child
like behavior you're remembering who you've always been passed you know the
trauma that you've endured and the other things that you may have been through
so yeah wow so let's you get ready to graduate right and it's so many things
I still want to talk about one of these things is I want to talk about the book
okay and just take us back to when you you know like you said you always love
writing and even as a child right mm-hmm so I want you to take us back and tell
us when you actually started on this book which I'm gonna say is to be through
the 32 pages which is oh my god you know it's like all edited by you it's like
when did you have time to do this you said it took a year right okay so talk
about that so I started the book like May I literally wrote down the date
everything on my first draft started the book May 16th it was like at nighttime
and May 16th of 2025 at nighttime and at first it was like I wanted to at first I
honestly was just going along with it like I didn't have any outline I just
wanted to go along just allow it to flow naturally get the vision you have an
idea a character how to the star I wanted to talk about illusions oh I wanted to
talk about like the illusions in the world and I know that there's a lot of
self-help books out there that speak on you know reality and you know you know
different things that tie into trauma and also when you start to become aware of
things I wanted to kind of make a self-help book that kind of allows people to I would
say touch on that but also wanted to make it entertaining I wanted to make it
kind of like a story of a girl she's 17 years old she's a teenager her name is
Luna and she she resides in a orphanage because she lost both of her parents
and she eventually she eventually she gets adopted but then she starts to see
through the illusions of the world she starts to see through a lot of things
that she didn't see before and he starts to see as she's like collapsing
these these illusions he starts to just kind of as she's collapsing these these
illusions and seen through them everyone becomes kind of like a I don't really I
would say that she there's other characters in the book that help her kind
of find this these answers and what I highlight a lot in the book is how the
answer that he seeks the answer that she's searching for has always been within
her because the truth is if that's past present in the future they they
code this simultaneously so even the things that we feel we don't know we do
know it's just a different version of ourselves knows that under you know
understands that and so the answers that she seeks she already knows and is
already within her because she's either envisioned it before or she is just
remembering that and her future self is kind of guiding her along the way her
highest self is like showing her the way but also not telling her everything
because even what you can't be told everything yes because only as it
happens when it's time you can't drop on you all at once yeah so her future
self he really just behaves as a compass she guides her she you know tries and
warn her but she does not tell her or explain the experiences because she knows
that Luna has to go through them on her own and although that is her future
self and they are interconnected she is she cannot she cannot indulge in
telling her everything about which she admits the experience because that would
mess up the trajectory of her life because when we want to know everything
that's going to occur in our future it leads to us trying to control the
uncontrollable and so this can eventually lead to fear you know this
despair of wanting to control everything and so Luna's able to look to her
highest self her future self as a guide a compass but she eventually comes to
understand that she cannot be told about every experience that she's going to
undergo or indulge in because that would mess up her own choices she would begin
to base those choices off of fear rather than her intuition and so she
leads this this pathway of you know doing what she believes is best that's going
to help the world evolve and help her future self so it's much more to it it's
like I'm sure 300 and 32 pages but like we said
if your higher self can't really mess up that trajectory because you have to go
through to get it to so if you don't go through these things you won't be
becoming yeah you see so the pain or whatever you have to go through is
taking you somewhere if you want to go okay so that's another decision that
your inner self has to make yeah okay you're not just going to go it's like you
may say I'm a brother when I'm a citizen you can't you could sit in it you don't
have to go anywhere yes I feel like like the highest self the future self is
more like our intuition it's telling us like the truth that we know our truth
but it's up to us for the present us to if we want to listen to it or ignore it
and that's what Luna has she has she learning to trust her own voice amidst
the other voices that she has learned to dwell on and so when she finally starts
to listen to it and trust you know her highest self she starts to trust
herself because they're one and so she has to she goes on a lot of experiences
to get to that point and so yes I feel like to read it so you just want to be
sold on Amazon yeah I'm looking to publish it this month so yeah and you told me
edited it or time yeah and I told myself that I wanted to get the book out before
I graduated and that's exactly what I'm doing wow so you made a promise to
yourself and you're keeping it yeah I'm a journey a journey of like learning and
now how do you feel about the fact because you told me you're not looking
back and you're not going to contact your like biological family because you're
going to meet your soul family eventually yeah so yeah I feel like I would never
contact them again and you know like I said because you know forgiveness does
not mean reconnection and I can forgive them I can forgive myself as well because
as I said I'm not perfect and I feel like I picked up a lot of habits as well that
I saw in my environment that I had to learn and I'm still unlearning and I feel
like the family that we are born into at times can be our karmic family it can
be the family that brought us in this world for a reason so that we can enter
this world and so that we can learn the lessons that our soul needs to evolve to
grow to learn but eventually we have to separate and go our separate ways when
dealing with the family so that we can go on our own journey that's separate from
all that to meet eventually meet our soul family the family that's meant for us
the family that you know loves and cares for us barely so definitely oh wow so
knowing that you detached and that you took whatever you needed you left the
keys and you shut the door and you don't feel any misgivings about the fact that
that's done you know I feel like that would be doing a disservice to myself to go back
to that when I know there's a reason why I left it in the past that would be doing a
huge disservice to my that would be betraying myself and that would be betraying you know
the truth that I have to myself and I feel like we shouldn't not we shouldn't
still obligated to stay around people just because of the history we have with them
it's important that we learn to let go of things that are no longer serving us in any way if you
feel that they are taking a toll on you as a whole it eventually becomes a point where it is
best that we let it go set up forcing it or holding on to it so if you feel like you've gotten to
that point where you know it's just you just feel something just not right you've all grown it and
it's just not meant for you anymore it's best to leave it and let it be and to listen to yourself
because by holding on to that and forcing it to work out even when you can see that it's not it's
not serving you it's just going to cause you even more chaos from within you yeah so
it's like we've talked about a lot of things there's so much more that I've learned about you
but that I want to talk about that I'm going to stick to certain things because it's so much
so beautiful so one of the things I want to talk to you about is Oregon why you picked Oregon
and you don't know anybody in Oregon and the fact that you picked Oregon and you also say you were
getting signs that Oregon is the place then the fact that you have no fear of getting on I don't
know if you're taking a plane or plane plane and going to Oregon yes so I will say that
okay you're getting some interference there done I can hear you find Beverly right now I hear you
find right now Beverly go ahead I will say that I have received signs beforehand about moving to
Oregon and the year beforehand I already knew that I wanted to move eventually once I graduated
once I turned 18 and I just didn't know where I wanted to move to so I was researching places
and I got like I got a plan Oregon and I started researching it even like Oregon even more and
with me and sure the Oregon to research is this is random like I was looking amongst everything
like everything else and also like okay Oregon and it reminded me well it reminded me of that excuse me
oh my god I have that excuse me because I had that
I had that same way yeah I had that evening and I loved it I was like let's see this thing and I
had researched it and it was like it was a lot of nature and I thought it was my type of like my
type of vibe and then after that I just started getting it getting signed I would seem the name
in movies I was seeing the name on like street street um signs I the name was also by Philadelphia
like on like um on certain websites uh-huh I just kept seeing it afterward like okay I was like okay
this is this is for me right right so yeah at first I was going to move to crevalus because it's like a
to the
I've heard of it covalent but then it's like then it was like no I want to move to something bigger
I want to move to Eugene because I started researching and I'm like okay I want to move here because I want to have a bit of both I want to be I want to be I want to be in British nature but I also want to enjoy like the city life right right right right exploring or something like that so I want to cause you are so much like too
so yeah I'm gonna do both I was like Eugene Wow Oregon Eugene okay so graduation after graduating three weeks did you book the
flight yet yes I'm going to go and it's really interesting because when I asked you how you're supporting yourself by not being at home in your in school you said well I
work and I saved my money wow and I don't think I would ever want to work for someone else again like I just want to pursue my own dreams I want to keep building on that because as I said I feel like our creativity can open up so many doors for us and that includes like wealth abundance we have to learn to focus on what we want our own dreams and not what the world has told us that we should want like working coffee working uh nine to five
or working for other people's dreams it distracts us from pursuing what we actually have always wanted and so as I said like since a child always love writing and so I wanted to take it further by creating a book and seeing where that went and of course I'm still learning when it comes to writing and that's what you told me if you know remember when I was talking about that you said you're going to do a lot of reading because you were
in the house or vocabulary and the fact that you did write this 332 page book in one year and edited it four times getting ready for press and the fact that when we were talking you told me that this all came from isolation
even though you were you know doing other things distracting but you always have to eventually go back with sin
you had to always took you back with sin and I was able to also learn from being out in the world as well because as I said I said like I met a lot of versions of myself I saw myself in people I was able
to sort of like when I was looking at people they I wasn't only seeing them but I was seeing myself they were reflecting back to me things that I
that's because when you started activating your inner eye now things all look different because you're also not judging see a lot of times when people look at people they're judging them but when you
activate that inner eye now when you're looking at someone you're not sizing them up and judging them so the truth a lot of things come out of that and like you said you would see versions of yourself
I won't say it just down on judgment I feel like we as human beings we all judge I think it's a matter of if we're judging harshly because I feel like judgment allows us to decipher between what's moral within moral
it allows us to decipher between what we are aligned with and aren't aligned with it's just a matter of if you're judging harshly to the point where you're overly criticizing them so I feel like I don't think I think people have time but also not seeing yourself
like you said criticizing judging pointing the finger it's a lot of that time and also speaking on that as well our emotions anger sadness vulnerability we're taught to believe that these are negative emotions but the emotions themselves are not negative it's more so how we react to them that can make it negative
anger is not something that's meant to be suppressed or condemned or judged harshly it's meant to be felt it's meant to be processed and then eventually released the problem is is when people associate negative
correlations with emotions such as anger at least the people not wanting to experience them or embody them and it leads to to resistance and so eventually this anger builds up within them because they haven't truly processed it and
then it leads them reacting in negative ways but anger is not inherently a bad or negative thing it's more how you try to react to it so I feel like but this can be a trigger so like you were talking about earlier how do you handle when you trigger
so I feel like a lot of things aren't inherently bad it's more so how we process and react to them and when you learn how to take that emotion that thought the idea and transmute it into something that can benefit you that can add on to your growth and transformation it can lead to a betterment of yourself
this talk a little bit about why you changed your diet that's how I met you coming in all the way live so let's talk about that
okay so I decided to go vegan in August 2025 so it's been nearly a year and I will say that I already was deciding like I already wanted to do this beforehand
but why did you want to do it what made you want to do it I started doing the research about it and I just I realized how harmful it was towards the animals to be consuming them
the animals were meant to always live alongside us they were never meant to be harmed or eaten just for our own fulfillment and I started going a bit more down the rabbit hole and just doing my own research and also being influenced by other people
that were going down the same route and they were talking a lot about how not only is eating animals terrible like it's just not a right moral thing to do but it also it gives people
health problems like I heard when it comes to certain meat they can cause cancer and when you like you have to also listen to how you listen to how you feel after you eat certain foods I know with milk and cheese it was so hard to give up because it was so like addictive
but that's what they do they make the foods addictive because these things are not they're not just solely cheese they're putting things in them they're putting things in them to make them addictive and I would see that like after I would consume these things okay they may taste good but they would leave my body in a very terrible state like I was having digestive problems and then I looked up and did my research on that and apparently milk and cheese it causes inflammation and it leads to even further problems
but like we're consuming these these these foods that were told is what were meant to consume just because it's normalized but in reality it can be leading to a lot of our own health issues not just physically but mentally you know causing a lot of clutter within our minds and having a hard time of getting to truly know ourselves because we're consuming so much waste and things that aren't good for us so and also energy
transfer these animals they're suffering before they die they're being tortured they're being put into these these spaces all together with with poop and piss everywhere like if you see how animals are like in a button like before they're killed and you know sent off they're in these spaces with a bunch of other animals and they're undergoing a lot of suffering a lot of torment
one day die that energy is getting transferred into the people who are eating them and consuming them they're they're absorbing all of that energy and they wonder why they're tired and drained after consuming that but you're consuming another
sentient sentient beings you know suffering and pain so it's energy energy transfer as well because energy is never destroyed or created it's only transferred and so cooking it and seasoning it up is not going to erase
you know what it would it underwent so like I think people like really fell to truly look at that like that's another loving being and just because it can't do everything that a human being can do doesn't mean that it's less of a less of any worse like I literally I spoke with someone about this and I remember a man telling me that that animals were put on the
right and it was just so crazy and it allowed me to really I don't know I think it's really crazy I feel like a lot of people they they justify in humane things so that they don't ever have to question it or look beyond their own their own
veil of how they perceive the world so um
what are some things you want to talk about before
I'm going to leave the last few minutes to you
um what do you want to leave the audience with you've given us so much today I mean I can't even begin
so I want to say that everybody needs to follow their heart follow their intuition follow what their soul is trying to communicate to them don't live your life in ignorance and in in
ablevance don't don't go about this this life that you have listening inuru
and because world is just the world of constantly gonna be in your ear telling you what you need to do going and who you are and if you allow
that to slay you kidding what you want you are really toward the dome you're not going to be living a life that should be yourself and you're going to grow you know you're going to grow older and not going to
very fulfilled in life that you lived because you were too busy living in your life person's
dream and you weren't pursuing your own dream.
And so you have to take that space.
You have to be a free spirit.
You have to listen to yourself, listen to what your heart wants, listen to what your
intuition is trying to tell you.
Tap into yourself so that you can find who you truly are, so that you can remember who
you've always been outside of the outside voices of the world.
Yes, you're being 18.
What do you think?
How much time you spend on social media?
I honestly, some days I do find myself spending a lot of time on social media.
Some days I don't, sometimes I'm too immersed in life, but then sometimes I do find myself
being too much on social media.
So it's definitely something that I'm currently working on, just limiting my time on there.
But I will say that the certain content that I've consumed, it's allowed me to learn a
lot about certain health.
Yeah, I think it's a very helpful tool when you know how to use it.
Yeah, it's going to be very helpful.
And it also cannot be helpful if you don't know how to use it.
Go ahead.
So, yeah, but I would say that ultimately people have to learn to find their own voice
and to not follow the crowd or follow everybody else's feelings.
And once you find your own voice, you'll be able to know what it is that you truly want.
In this life.
Wow, Jamie, how we met.
And you just caught my attention from the beginning.
Remember when you first came in, I stopped you.
You know?
And it's your energy field.
Everything is just breathtaking.
And I wanted to share this with the audience.
And I knew that you would be so succinct and you would be able to just do this, you know?
I can't wait for the book to come out because it's going to be like a mystery.
It's kind of like a, yeah, I don't really.
And I feel like that's the most thing is we have to let go of that feeling of shame.
Don't ever be afraid to speak on the things that you went through.
You have to own it.
You have to own all of it because those stories, they don't define you, but they have come
and guess what I'm actually about.
Remember before the interview, I said, what are you willing to talk about?
And you said, I'm willing to talk about whatever, anything.
And you don't have any shame about it.
You don't try to hide anything.
Well, we have to let go of those emotions of shame and guilt and those feelings because
they hinder us from being who we truly are and sharing what we've underwent.
And those stories, they don't define who we are, but they do add on to what shaped us,
you know, in despite of it.
And it's very important that we learn to own it so that we're not walking this world wearing
a mask or a facade of, you know, just, you have to own it all because there's so much
more out there for you.
And it's okay to voice that you've been through certain negative experiences, but these negative
experiences have been teachers.
They've helped you to learn and grow and evolve.
And they were very important for your own personal soul's journey.
And it's interesting that you take 18, 18 in new world you reduce us to a nine.
Nine is completion.
So you've completed certain cycles, okay, and 18, which 18 is the power of the nine.
Wow.
I'm just so fortunate to have met you.
And for this short amount of time, I guess what you'd be coming in for about three months
now?
We must say the first time I ever ordered from here was in February.
I'm so excited.
It's a good word, right?
Yes.
And it's just been, and the way you come in, you just sit down for yourself and you eat
up.
You just seem so focused and you're just sitting there, no phone or anything.
You're just eating this food and you're just sitting and, wow.
Because that's another thing.
I feel like we're also conditioned as a society to fear being alone.
How many people are so afraid of being alone?
That's what causes them to indulge in bad company because they fear being in their own
solitude and their own isolation.
It costs more to be emerged in other people's presence, even if they don't like those people,
even if it's bad company, because they have this fear of being alone.
But when you are alone, when you are in your own solitude, you learn so much about yourself.
You do, Lainey, and I want to thank you.
We come to the end of the program and I love the listeners are so happy to have met Jamie.
And as I am, I want to thank the listeners.
I want to thank BBS Radio for this opportunity to be able to just share and love and be present
and just learn from each other.
And Aloha, I just want to say I will talk to you later.
Jamie, I'm here.
I'm here.
We're thank you.
Jamie, it was beautiful.
You were completely eloquent.
You expressed every detail of what you had to say wonderfully.
I just was listening and smiling the whole time.
Thank you for telling all of us.
Thank you for being, to discovering all of this about yourself so young because sometimes
some of us, it takes a long time and you have put all of these into beautiful words.
You have edited your book so many times, it just came out beautifully and smoothly.
And Beverly, thank you so much for doing just an excellent interview asking all the questions
that you had so that it could all express and just thank you for us being here together.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.