sometimes you feel so alone and overwhelmed you don't know where to turn these days it seems like there is no end to our problem we invite you to connect with silent Unity the 24 hour Prayer Ministry where someone is waiting to pray with you right now since 1890 silent Unity has always been there no judgment or Dogma just the one affirming the best for you call 816-969-2002 day you can also connect online at unity prayer vigil. Org<br>discover the power within Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> Empower yourself and get inspired to build the life of your dreams<br> welcome to Everyday peas with dr. dravon James<br> hello and welcome to our show I'm dr. Dre Bond James and this is everyday a piece I am super excited to be here with you today as we explore the concept of living a life of Peace everyday peace the find is wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality can you even imagine such a thing oh my goodness well I'm here to tell you that yes everyday peace is possible yes you deserve every day peace and yes you can have every day peace we work together on this show to bring you the topics and the guests to partner with you is you create your life of Peace everyday and if you missed last week's interviews I'll tell you you missed a great show we had<br> Amber Rose Johnson Skin Care Extraordinaire an esthetician and esthetician say that five times an esthetician of celebrities and she's the owner of facial Lounge she came back to ship share with us how to get our skin ready for the transition into the cooler Seasons the fall and winter seasons so and she gave us some wonderful wonderful tips every time Amber Rose Johnson is on the show I tell you I learned so much about how to take care of this vehicle that I'm living in you know we want to do all of the wonderful things that we do in the world but one thing's for sure if we're going to operate in this world we're going to need this body to do just that and so Amber Rose Johnson helps us to keep our skin in Tip-Top condition so that we can do that you can access last week's you and I hope that you do in our entire library of shows by subscribing to the doctor dravon James<br> everyday piece podcast on Apple Spotify Google play in Stitcher or you can listen to them on the unity online radio. Org website another great place to find out what's going on in the world of Dr Dre Bond James and the everyday peace makers is to visit our website Dr.Dre Bond James, this website includes so many fabulous things and if you have not been there lately than you are missing out we've got free stuff all over the place who doesn't like free especially when free improve your journey your life Journey right now we have a wonderful mini training up there on self-esteem and self-confidence how to tips to improve your self-esteem and to improve your self-confidence so hot over there I would also encourage you to visit our website<br> Facebook group which is L in high heels it is a Facebook group where we focus on leadership skills and specifically for women we got something coming for the men to so hold on but this one is up and running and we're learning how to use leadership skills to improve every area of Our Lives imagine that using leadership skills to improve your health your wealth and your relationships and you know when the everyday peaceful ossippee that is the pyramid model that we that we work on health wealth and relationships so before we get into our Fabolous guess and we do have a phablet to amazing guess we're today oh my goodness you do not want to miss the show we're talkin about creating the life that you want getting rid of strongholds putting some things in the place that you want in your life but before we get there let's just spent a quick moment or everyday piece moments and today we're going to focus on<br> gratitude why because our country is getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving and what a great time to talk about gratitude I happened to be interviewed on the show and they asked me this question I want to share it with you and maybe they'd piece moments they asked me what was I'm most grateful for and that's a question I think a lot of us should be asking yourself during this holiday season what are we most grateful for and I want to tell you that I am most grateful for the understanding of how powerful gratitude is what we can do with this energy<br> call gratitude and thankfulness and how do you lies that to build us up to move forward energize us to move forward to our next level of greatness rather than using that energy to stagnate us where we are right now so gratitude is meant to propel us forward into a great future I want to share that with you all today as you are celebrating Thanksgiving in whatever way suits you but you think about what are you grateful for that's causing you to reach for the inventing something that is our everyday peace moment and with that we're going to go at 8 to do some very first guests today Mary Joy is a healed codependent and licensed therapist Mary Joy has helped people get in touch with their emotions through her unique approach she provides a holistic alternative to typical 12-step addiction models for codependency she is here today to discuss her new book<br> welcome to the show Mary Joy was so excited to have you<br> hello dr. James I'm so excited to be here too I really thank you and gratitude is I'm glad that your subject of today that's a big deal in recovery and codependency as well to be here it's so good to have you this is a huge topic so the book is codependent Discovery and Recovery 2.2.0 2.1 Savage another one coming out codependent Discovery and Recovery 2.0 so here you are let's start the baby getting his business is a very important topic it's all over the place I can't turn on the social media without seeing something that has to do with codependency so can you give us a very quick usable definition for what is it yes and it's so relevant for the holiday season it's people who give of themselves until they give out or burn out so that's pretty much the deal you lose yourself caring for others of course it's okay to<br> yes we have to do that but when you lose yourself doing that then you might be codependent just giving to you give out a burnout just like over over getting her and I always say that when the when the well is dry right when you're screaming from the bottom of the well you're not nourish so you're not really giving the best of you right well you cannot give someone a drink from a dry well and I do believe it is more blessed to give than to receive but it doesn't say that you're not supposed to receive it's just you you have to receive an order to give you really cannot give what you don't have spit time Talent money baking 100 pies for Christmas whatever it is that you're doing if you it can be your undoing if you if you're over doing<br> yes yes so why why do people get it and I know there's a thousand reasons why do people get into this place of codependency are you born this way do you develop this because of your environment so one of my professors very wisely said it's 100% nature and 100% nurture so yes Coda pendants are born with a little extra empty and maybe an overactive conscience where they feel guilt more than the other person and in our brain guilt and empathy or reside very much in the same place and it would make sense I mean it makes Society safe if you're eating a sandwich and you see someone starving your guilt will motivate you in a good way to give your sandwich to the other person that's not bad guilt that's you know that's not shame but you can be nurtured that way as well a lot of times that happens from our spiritual upbringing from our family upbringings if you're raised in a family where there's a diction<br> you're constantly covering up for a parent or sibling or you're keeping family secrets if you're being abused as a child then you develop attachment issues that you carry into adulthood so you feel responsible and overly responsible to make everyone else happy at your own expense and a lot of that was my story as a child I was a psychiatrist daughter so I had to be an extension of my family and I cover all the family secrets and be perfect all the time and it wasn't possible it wasn't doable and it was my undoing until I got some help and then became a therapist and I don't help people get through that<br> not I love that you know you talked about you recovered from this is oftentimes you sit with therapist and you sort of see them as these gods and you feel like a little naked in a shame because you need feel so flawed and maybe think they don't they've never experienced this but I think it's Unique and invariably encouraging that you suffered from codependency and you are healed from that so I want to talk about that like how will a person know because it right you said something cuz you said that we know it is more blessed to give than receive a we're in the giving season right and all of that but I'm smiling but it is a very sad I've known people who had this a very very sad state of beings that constantly feeling empty and I guess because they were<br> right now who's listening to the show there was a I think that's me I think I am codependent what you described it so beautifully it's not it's & Beyond empty it get resentful sometimes there they give and give and give and then they empty out and then they start getting angry they said they go from empty to angry there is an addiction aspect to it we could dopamine let me give the people which again is Nature's Way of helping keep Society safe when we give and we share everyone safe but but then there's the over givers in the overdue hours so I just I'll just read a little list from my book I don't have to read the whole thing but people are codependent have approval-seeking or people-pleasing behavior they have a fear of being alone they feel like they're not good enough too much or too little and you might even feel selfish or guilty for saying no I think that's a big one for everyone and you diminish yourself to list others up you know this is just a constant flow and the list<br> my book it's is very long there's about 20 things and but I think you get the point is that giving to you give out or burnout and also to give until you might get resentful and co-dependent that are covert still even be the type of codependent that will say I give you all this and this is the thanks I guess and we hear that a lot during the holidays so if you're giving with a purpose to get back also on the spectrum of being codependent cuz it's kind of like a doormat to someone who's nagging and controlling and there's many ways the Manifest and I think people the number one symptom is exhaustion<br> oh I love that sausage and it what is an exhaust toxic fumes from our vehicle that's the same thing in a human being I think physics and spirituality and physicality line up very well when we we use terms be called a toxic relationship and then we get exhausted exhaust is toxic and that's how people end up with exhaustion and burnout is a medical diagnosis codependency is not a formal disorder but burnout is so it's get this book is so necessary<br> it's called codependent Discovery and Recovery 2.0 a holistic approach to healing and freeing yourself and they can get it anywhere books are sold Amazon Books-A-Million it's on the Shelf been online and it's by HDI Publishers distributed by Simon & Schuster I couldn't ask for better publishing company they may vary available on many platforms over people during the holidays who are giving till they give out on Audible books people can listen to it on your commute<br> it will be very soon and is being recorded as we speak because it's a good gig because it's this is this is really unnecessary top it because you know I just saw something on just scrolling through YouTube and I learned that a lot of codependent behaviors are tracked narcissistic behavior so they started yet and how old is someone who's involved with something like that how they how they this isn't angle to do your dresser in the book how they disentangle themselves from that because that seems like a really yeah that very subject about empath codependent could not all impastor codependent not all codependent for MCAT but I addressed that codependent narcissistic dance hits<br> craftsbury maladaptive they tend to find each other in the dark because codependents love to give and a narcissist love to get I even made a handy-dandy little table in my book just a 20 bullet point table of how that dance exist it's comparison contrast co-dependents of narcissist they attract each other all the time because we get dopamine when we give and the narcissist gets doping mean when they get if you see it forms what we call a trauma Bond and the Neuroscience behind that without giving someone a neuroscience lecture is it feels like love but it isn't it's just a maladaptive addiction an attraction to someone who isn't good for you again like an alcoholic has to have a drink but truly is bad for them so these two people get involved and they create a trauma Bond and narcissus love to love bomb and discard which is what we call intermittent reinforcement that causes of physiological<br> codependent they get all feel-good chemicals just feel all butterflies in the stomach and wonderful and then those butterflies turn into abject panic attack if they discard you or Leave You. It feels like love but it's really a trauma Bond and sometimes it's rooted in childhood behavior and attachment hopefully that helps explain it there was a great Neuroscience I mean was very user-friendly right because when you were saying that I was thinking about there is the codependent and you talked about the dopamine that gets released right that's the feel-good hormone that gets released when we when we give right so that constantly like I'm in my head I see like the gerbil or whatever constantly hitting a little button to get the little door for me Rush right into the codependent is constantly trying to find someone to give to to give up himself to sleep and get that dopamine Rush of acceptance or whatever that they need at that point it was makes them feel worse<br> and then right and then the narcissistic individual is getting the baby speeding they're getting took me by straight so you would think it'd be a match made in heaven except for these are both disorders make Neuroscience easy in this book that I always tell my clients I do all the reading so you don't have to and I've lived through this so I wanted the science behind it I actually went to an addiction doctor they don't make toaster codependency but I went to an addictions doctor to help me unravel what was going on in my brain so that I could share the information and then research and even more deeply to help you know people like they're listening on your podcast dr. James and people like me and anybody who even has some codependent Behavior this were all codependent with someone in our lives somewhere where all people pleasing someone and sometimes you just can't please everybody<br> you just can't do it it's impossible and it'll again it will exhaust you exhausting trying to heal itself by doing that like you say you do I'm exhausted so the so the response would be let me pull back right to pay attention to these cues and clues that the body is getting a sitter okay engaging in this activity or engaging with this individual pay attention to how you're feeling you come away exhausted but I think that you know it is I'm saying that I think will that took me Rush probably over overrides that feeling so you do need to have some sort of some help in this process. Let's talk a little bit about the fact that you are healed from this because I thought<br> that there was something that people may have to suffer with forever they could just manage it like going into remission but you can actually be healed from codependency<br> I'm so glad you asked me that because the doctor that I went to who is an addictions doctor remember he said never call yourself a co-dependent again or you're going to call it in and he said it's just you know sister will call it in if you call you if you say I am I am statements as you know from the from the work that you do I am statements are very powerful the one you say I am healed even if you have some residual behaviors as I do it doesn't mean I am codependent I was co-dependent I'm still struggling with some of those traits but I am no longer fully codependent it's just like if you know if you've been sober for 20 years and you keep saying I am an alcoholic the chances of you relapsing or higher so I'm glad you asked that because yes I am healed but you know every now and then I will trip up and I'll go up there you go it came back and it's a learning experience every single time<br> and it doesn't last as long I don't get into burnout I just get into Enlightenment it it's gone from exhaustion to up there it is again what is it teaching me where was I you know making a mistake just like the alcoholic will walk into a bar and then go what am I doing in here thanking a co-dependent do you might walk right back into your behavior but if you I call it recognized and neutralize when you recognize those triggers in your body like you just said you recognized your tension I call it pay attention to your attention and with intentions speak and then speak your truth that way a co-dependent will fit. You recognize and neutralize those triggers and you you can remain healed because you may walk right into your own Illness but you'll walk right out very quickly you kind of just touch it or brush with it but you're not stuck back into it that makes sense it's not a full relapse I love and I'm just wanting for the listings to go back to the hood because I know that codependency<br> is huge and you're especially right when you say that we're getting ready to go to the holiday season codependent I got to get that Rush where they're going to go in and they're going to be over give over game over Game ending spun out and at the end of that they're going to feel dejected and washed out and maybe a little resentful and just alone and so I love this but you just said it said pay attention to your attention right there that's a weird pay attention to what you are feeling what is what do you have any tips that people could do to sort of come back into the body throughout the day because we float out of it don't we we we are we're on our way to dissociate and you made mention YouTube earlier at the end of every chapter I have a meditation and I have bullet point list if the reader writes for themselves they write what they don't want on one side and what they doing on the other end at the end they released the left list of Their Own<br> left what's right for their true self help here but back to the YouTube videos they can you don't even have to buy the book for that and I don't I hear that just help people there's a vagus nerve exercise and for those who don't know what the vagus nerve is it is a thing that gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes you sick to your stomach when you get a gut feeling this negative it depends on your positive or negative emotion if you're in fight flight or Frozen the vagus nerve is involuntary and react to that so people don't pay attention to those first signs like their heart will pound or their chest will get tight they don't pay attention to that they go right into their emotions they let their emotions override their body when if they would pay attention to their physical bodies first and hit the pause button then they can sit there and touched up wait a minute I just felt my chest gets tight when someone asked me to do something I don't want to do I hit the pause button I take a breath and I can meditate and every meditation is on YouTube from the store<br> every single one you can just shut your eyes and I do the talking for you they're all in here on healing codependency and they all build on one another there's 11 of them and they're they're very helpful to help people help themselves I would say my job is a therapist is to help people listen to themselves and if you meditate your subconscious and your conscious mind are connecting with each other so you can be your own therapist and that what that's what this book is all about and I make it easy cuz co-dependence will not spend time on themselves so that's why it's so easy I used to be one of these nobody does codependent is going to spend hours journaling and they're taking care of everybody else but themselves along that could be doing for somebody else so this this vagus nerve exercise that can be found on YouTube you said<br> the biggest boy do y e Vega sand and it will come up if it relaxation exercise to help you pay attention to your attention and with intention you seek and then speak your truth. Pause button and breathing we all say that needs or I'll do whatever you want and then you go why did I say that and you can reel it back in its teaching you to not to even say yes when you mean or knowing you mean yes oh I love that and so for our listeners please take advantage of that especially during the season of giving so that you can give from the right energy source from your cup being full instead of your Cub being empty and you can move into this space of healing and know what it's like to have healthy relationships because that's really what you're talkin about here this is having a healthy relationship in a healthy relationship is it has Harmony or harmonious I don't necessarily like the word balance but it seems to be appropriate here<br> that it is a give-and-take write you write I used to be a songwriter so Harmony is one of those Mysteries of the world when when certain notes go with certain notes and certain ones called discordant and some are harmonious so with this is teaching people how to have harmonious relationships instead of that Discord in that dissociation and all the things that could happen to them if they give too much to the to toxic relationships are not enough to themselves and we have a caller on the line I get so wrapped up in that we just have us less than a minute I want to bring a caller on hello and thank you for calling the doctor Trevon James everyday piece show with Fabolous yesterday Mary Joy that you have a question or comment<br> I did but I sent you I have a minute I'm going to be I'll be very brief person want to say I really appreciate your gas using affirmative words and terms of your healing yourself when she talked about stop can't keep using the I am freezing I know you know we were told that you have to keep saying that because you're never fully healed from whatever it is so I like that that's very primitive the other thing was I like to take this vagus nerve exercise I really like that because she talked about getting in touch with how you perceive things to see things mentally when they first a car if you don't sleep when they feel an injury coming on TV before the injury occurs most athletes especially professional they know right away and they act upon it and I think that to be able to do that with your mental state is the fifth awesome sauce in your grass is great I love everything she's going to get her book because it's just wonderful wonderful listening to somebody who speaks in there<br> primitive in terms of dealing with whatever I know you always talkin about appropriately<br> thank you<br> thanks for joining us<br> Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> create and build a life of your dreams welcome back to Everyday Beast with dr. dravon James<br> the welcome back on Doctor Dre Bond James and this is everyday peace and we were this is a riveting topic and back a whole show today is really our second guess today is none other than Linux Woods Mullen she is a recurring guest on the show by popular demand at because her topics are so irrelevant and today we're talking with her about the importance of self-care so I feel that these topics are so intertwined in before we let Mary Joy go we did have another guest it was holding so patiently that I didn't want to disappoint her Miss Pauline you're on the air<br> for my I know what I gave the question so I didn't know if you wanted to be on the are just as say your question yourself you certainly can't heal at all this is the hill you take care of yourself and stop having a between other people the codependent that you get full from them you need to finally get validation for yourself and that is fine. I was already had my answer but I just came up with his while you guys were talking about you still think that I'm so happy you had a man called in cuz I've never listened to your show that often because I have never judged you it when your lies and I'm really glad that I've been out there and you know what I think is codependency thing is for all of us even if I don't see that many men who a co-dependent but I think they don't acknowledge their feminine side their emotion so if they just do that then maybe we wouldn't have to<br> the question was I know is co-dependence see more likely to be seen in women you know accident no i c e equal in my office and I think it's because I think it's part of what Pauline address men don't admit it but they do come to therapy and admit it because I'm allowed to have sacred conversations you know that I have I have HIPAA rights to follow them that I do see cool male and female codependency and I do love it that you had to mail call and because he was bringing up exactly the physiology of it if it hurts a little bit slow down if it hurts a lot. Which is perfect segue into yourself care segment I think that that's that's a perfect segue into that but yes men and women can be both codependent and dr. James thank you for bringing me on and I really enjoy<br> this conversation go thank you we'll be back at it and Pauline thank you for being an everyday Peacemaker and joining us today with that we're going to go to our next guess she is Fabolous you been on the show before Liz Woods Mullins is a special special guest has a special place in my heart for the work that she does and today she's here to discuss the importance of self-care I'm one of the most loving and thoughtful things you can do during this holiday season is begin a self-care practice a Linux is a certified holistic living and wellness expert for women over the age of 40 and found of Praise Works health and wellness and wellness women 40 and Beyond welcome to the show Linda's<br> well thank you so much dr. drayvon is wonderful to be here today and loves your guests because I can certainly relate to that I have a narcissist in my life I had a narcissist in my life and I believe that I am now a recovering codependence I think I've kicked most of that I recognized the trick Critters Critters but her what you had to say was that because reality is if you are a co-dependent you are definitely not in the stuff care mode you're doing everything but that so she's absolutely right that's the perfect cans of white soft hair is so important and why to not enter into some kind of a self care plan so if you'd like to talk about that today I'm I'm so glad that you asked me to stop by because we're heading into the holiday and this is when a really weird its ugly head is during the holiday<br> Jazz and so let's just start at the very beginning you know there's so many jokes out there about self care and you know as it relates how much just go ahead and say it as it relates to women being lazy and wanting to be pampered and you know not pulling their fair share and I don't know how selfish self care has gotten such a Negative stigma but it is so important that ain't that we take care of our self especially if you are a caregiver right you have to have be in Tip-Top condition or as close to it as possible so you can get from your higher self so what does self-care look like what I mean is it what is the basis of it the bare-bones if you if a person says to you hey here I am<br> I know I haven't I I feel depleted I I don't know where to start where do you start<br> well just won't let me just say that you're right don't care is used a lot these days and it is kind of a catch-all phrase but basically when we take a look at self care and what it really does mean a very simple. Great just what it sounds like taking care of yourself I'll talk to Carrie is the practice of consciously doing things that will preserve or improve your mind Body Spirit Well that's your mental health or your physical health and look after you and your well-being and I would like to also take that a step further that stuff is not necessarily taken care of just the surface stuff like it's going back the layers and taking care of some of that underbelly stuff that we normally try to cover up or just don't deal with self-care is entering into that journey of addressing those others<br> that usually go on a draft and is afraid they'll recognize me and then developing a plan or a blueprint if he will of what you're going to do to address that particular Healthcare needs help if I were to tell you some examples of self-care of this is really so many but they basically just looking after yourself one way to this is all kinds of ways to practice self-care without necessarily going and spending money for sale for say so some of those examples of some very simple ways of self-care that are really important but they are critical to Your Mind Body Spirit Wellness by Prince is getting a good night's sleep that's really important that you get you know 6 8 hours sleep and everybody's body is different but there's all kinds of studies that have shown the direct correlation between getting enough sleep and weight loss getting enough sleep and anxiety getting enough sleep and dementia I mean there's all kinds<br> relations that have been drawn between getting enough sleep and being over all healthy another thing is that you want to make sure this is as dumb self care tips just take drinking lots of water normally tell my size to drink if they can have their body weight that's the goal and that might seem like a lot but if you are frankly drinking about 8 oz of water 8 oz of water a day every day until maybe 2 hours before you go to bed so you don't have too much water in your tummy before you go to bed you're going to come close to half your body but you're definitely going to be hydrated and remember that hydration also is in our vegetables our salads as well so you know is eating things that have a lot of fluid into my cucumbers and celery and Mickey sure you minimize your sugar because that is dehydrating another thing is very simple thing is to go for a brisk walk that's so important and so invigorating it's really not only a great self-care day<br> but it's also something looks wonderful for your mind body and spirit dress oxygen to the brain because of all the fresh air you're getting some lights and in some cases and that sunlight has that vitamin D3 which is extremely important when it comes to your overall immune system and then you know getting out and moving it gets those feel-good happy hormones going and you just feel better you feel happier you get more joyful so there's all kinds of ways from the south care perspective why you want to do that another thing cuz he was taking a relaxing bath so many of us these days myself included jump in the shower real quick but maybe with some essential oils like lavender maybe some Epsom salt to be able to relax at the self-care or you know actually listen to your favorite music has a very high vibration it's like over 500 MHz and anything that's that's high in vibration make gives you a lip hope she does feel better listen to lyrics<br> ringback special memories are special feelings that's a possible self-care also making a healthy and delicious meal or dinner or lunch or something that you enjoy doing it you know it's healthy for your your body. Some of some of its Healthcare thing to quality time with loved ones they're watching a movie or they're doing something but not really interacting so spend quality time with loved ones that is a form of self-care and maybe make me a list of things that you like about yourself you know a list the things that you like about yourself please become experts at what we don't like about ourselves but we need to become experts about those things that we do like or even love about our self and make those lists and read them everyday remind yourself who you are and my last one is kind of<br> watching a funny movie or watching romantic comedy those kinds of things back in the form of feeling spending time with your girlfriend are there is a hormone that is secreted in quite a large quantity more so than any other time then when women get together and hang out it's Oxycontin that's for the chemical that is created and it is exhilarating if you know someone is another form but that is what's the treated and that's why I feel so good. Girlfriend X is also good for you in a phone to self care as well so I don't see any money but they're all forms of self-care Mini-Me others let me try to give you an example of what we need my self care and you are always there I hope and I know everyone knows why I love you so much because you are a wealth of<br> information and it's such it is invigorating for me to listen to you to talk about all of this different things and I want to say that everything on here and I just kind of keep him a little list your 6 8 hours of sleep a free way to get self curing it's so very important because this is when the cells and all that Rejuvenation and regeneration occurs in the body and we really need that so you can say it if you do that's not selfish that hey lights out you know or to turn the cell phones off and you know my daughter who's in college and senior college was saying oh Mom after my telephone goes on do not disturb she says I have it set up automatically and I thought well<br> aren't you worried that you'll miss something she's Noel after a certain hour I need to get my sleep and I'm listen to you and you're talkin on saying that instead so that's self-care to say hey it's time to pour into me now it's time to take care of me it's kind of make sure that I get that necessary rest so that I can rejuvenate and be ready for the next day and so important drinking water my goodness I hear so many people say I haven't had any water in days so very important absolutely free to do a way to promote self care self care is so important I think we have a caller on the line is going to check our line really quickly before I go into my next question you don't want to<br> Misty's collars<br> hello you're on the air with dr. Dre Bond James and our Fabolous guess Lynn is Woods Mullins did you have a question or comment<br> okay I guess not okay don't don't come back okay so my next question about self-care is how is it is that you do it well let me ask the other question first<br> self-care lack of self-care more prevalent in women or men who do you see most didn't need to do that but I think the nominal that goes on with men versus women might pay more attention to their self care when they're younger but it's somewhat you're working out having fun that kind of thing but as they get older they stopped especially since they happened to be married you know they may not take a shower every single day or they may let themselves go with their clothes getting afraid or whatever and then think you do that doesn't matter or they may stay up really really late watching a show I'm going to dating my cousin no longer you know out there looking supposedly so they let some things go on the surface but that could be indicative of other issues that they want to go till I still back there<br> take a look at because we want to take care of ourselves if you want to take care of her because now they have this wonderful restraining we have this wonderful refrain of you know I'll do it later or you know why I'm taking care of myself you know I got my nails and then we're okay right but the reality is that's not true many times if you're not doing the self care in terms of your overall emotional Wellness your mental Wellness inevitably eventually it will start to show on the outside of someone for instance who's under a lot of stress let's say it's high cortisol levels to gain weight their stomach begins to get larger you know there's don't worry lines and dryness of the skin because of more cortisol there are telltale signs that you're not taking is going to care of yourself as you could<br> I can tell you that I'm 64 now and a lot of people do not get my case I think I'm in my 40 what are the reasons why maybe because besides just genetics that I look as young as I do is because I made a conscious decision was about 13 years ago when I left Corporate America at the age of 51 that I wanted to work for myself and I wanted to do something that was up service and something that I was talking about when I walked away from that corporate job which I was really good at and I made a lot of money but that wasn't important enough for me because of the amount of stress and it cost me and also because of the anxiety disorder that I developed so I thought that was my form of Optimus health care I'm not saying that everyone should do that but the result was that I'm able to set my own hours I get a lot more rest I truly enjoy what it is that I do and I'm using all my talents and abilities and not dealing with politics anymore it's a lot happier and as a result of<br> making that decision I have more time for myself care and yes I want to work a 15-hour day which I have to be doing today I can do that but not too long after I talk to you I'm going to was normally I would still be tired I would still be working so but I can tell you I'm categorically that it does involve making decisions that is going to increase the overall value of your life in terms of how long you live and the Quant the quality of your life you can live to be 80 but you could be bedridden stressed out and wheelchair whatever or you can live to be 80 and be vibrant have energy and be engaged to you but if it does start with the decisions you make in terms of what you need in order to be well in your mind body and spirit<br> oh I love that I love that self-care is increases the overall value in the overall quality of your life now who wouldn't want that and how an ant is individualized so it all seems to go back in my mind lettuce to listening to your body learning to listen to your body the way we listen to the news way we listen to other people's opinions going to listen to our body first and see what was that you know do I do I need this and I want it back up just a minute and talk about the courage that it has to take to because you mentioned that you know the age 51 you decided to step away from Corporate America very good career highly paid career to focus on taking care of yourself and it had a huge impact in diminishing anxiety right and it's a fine that a lot of times people are afraid even though they know that that's a huge<br> form to me of self-care does he look I value the quality of my life more than I value the income from the or the prestige or even the service that I am providing here I buy the quality of my life I know to have a quality life as you said you can get to a certain age and be in a wheelchair you can get to a certain age and vibrant we want to get to that age and be fired but how can people develop that courage to say hey this is the end of the road for me and it doesn't have to be something as drastic as leaving your career but with whatever you're doing is this is it this is me getting in bed at 6 p.m. because I'm exhausted I know it I know it doesn't look like everything's done cuz it's not but I have to prioritize me how do people get that energy or that that push to prioritize them self when they haven't been doing it for so long<br> we need to learn to give our self Grace<br> need to beat learned to stop being so hard on ourselves and to give ourselves the room to make mistakes the room to forgive ourselves in that happens many times you don't slow down and all that because we still so consciously or unconsciously that we have to do more we have to be better to make up for whatever didn't work out or whatever we didn't do and and you know the past is the past and future you cannot forget so therefore all you have is a present for beginning to give yourself and take a look at what's going on with you right now in the president by check in with your coffee or something cause 3 by 3 and we talked about this before this is job when you are very tating three times a day today only for people that have a hard time just sitting and being quiet and in that 3 by 3 of that free minutes a day three times a day you just focus on something maybe a distance<br> or maybe there's a plaque on the wall or perhaps there's a scripture affirmation you want to focus on just a few minutes and I'll be able to hear that inner voice because in that invoice is a caught the Holy Spirit but in that invoice is using great wisdom which can direct you on which way to go but you know we're so busy being human doing things all the time we very rarely get into a human that's just being as in our being that we began to find the strength and the directions and the wisdom of what we need to do in order to feel better in our bodies and our minds and ice. So I would say is to give myself Grace and to learn to get quiet so you can listen to what it is you do need to do because everything that you need based upon what you really want to do basic on your dreams and everything you already have<br> but the people who is what between you know your two ears the voices of the Lions and the stories that we might be dealing in feelings are based on things that might have happened a long time ago or whatever but aren't necessarily relevant right now but be quiet and did you hear that one here it is the first day that I'm assuming that what it is you really want to do for yourself can't have to be a huge big trying out deal I think the first step in recognizing that you need to increase<br> that point we are recognized something needs to change that's the first then you want on it I always say that knowledge is acting on that knowledge is power. Once you get the knowledge and then knowing and the feeling that if you go for a walk if you want to walk a mile in the only walk around the block that's okay if it's something that you want to do to feel better that's the first step and you build from there but give yourself Grace and then go ahead and give yourself Grace and miss you too a lot of service for the community specifically working with women over a certain age how can our listeners reach you and can you tell us about any pro<br> games that you have going on now<br> they can reach me on Instagram go to my Instagram and then click on the link in my profile and that will lead you to a group of women I have on Facebook I have over eleven thousand trees all over for you all get together and share a vise and wisdom and information and wellness information on December 3rd 4th and 5th House of midlife makeover events and if you want to find out more about that and you go to Instagram and put on my ring you will see the midlife makeover what time that it's going to be a stomach a virtual stomach for 3 days where we have speakers from the build of Mind Body Spirit Wellness disease to relationships and everything else in between it's going to be a great event so if you're interested in finding out more profile on Instagram<br> you always have so many wonderful things and as you were talking I was thinking we're talkin about self care and one of the things that we haven't talked about because we can't talk about everything in a few minutes but it just a quick thing I want to say is that is you talk and I talked to you frequently and I know this is your self talk is such an important part of his self care routine how you are speaking to yourself and you know I work in healthcare for many years I told you we couldn't stop talking to myself if we wanted to we are constantly chatted with your chatty Patty and her head about something and make sure pay attention start listening to what you're chatting about even about the topic of self-care start start applauding yourself for taking time out for you make start doing that so my gosh I'm so I'm so excited that you made the decision to you to turn the television off or put the phone on silent you know it's so very important I'm dr. Dre by Jan<br> are Fabolous yesterday has been lennis Woods Mullins and I absolutely know if you are serious about taking your life to the next level of greatness and I know that you are because you and every day Peacemaker then you'll embrace the principles of self-care hop over and visit that is his sight hop over also and become a member of leaders in high heels learn how to up level your life join a team of women in like minded people to take your life in the direction that you would love it to go I absolutely love you I'll see you next week<br> you've been listening to Everyday cakes with Dr Trevon James you have the power right now today to make the decisions to take the actions that leave you to your next level of greatness and I would love to walk with you on your journey here's the ways we can connect schedule a coaching session contact me again so is Archie grave on james.com enrolling my online university course to 2020 Clarity court at The Institute for leadership and lifelong learning International enroll in the brilliant life nine weeks online coaching session with me and Keisha Dixon info at the doctor Trevon James.com purchase my book feed him is your first break from Amazon thank you for being an everyday Peacemaker I absolutely love you<br> thank you for listening this is Unity online radio the voice of an Awakening world<br> times you feel so alone and overwhelmed you don't know where to turn these days it seems like there is no end to our problems we invite you to connect with silent Unity the 24 hour Prayer Ministry where someone is waiting to pray with you right now since 1890 silent Unity has always been there no judgment or Dogma just the one affirming the best for you call 816-969-2002 day you can also connect online at unity prayer vigil. 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