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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James, July 20, 2021

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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James
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Dive Stage Process, and the Secret Betrayal

Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James

Dive Stage Process, and the Secret Betrayal

Often called the “Master of Disaster,” Randall Bell, Ph.D., is squarely focused on authentic recovery and resilience. Plus, Cathy Holloway Hill discusses how women can have closer, healthier, and more authentic relationships with each other.

Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

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welcome to Everyday peas with dr. dravon James
hello and welcome to our show on Doctor Dre Bond James and this is everyday a piece I am super excited to be here with you today as we explore the concept of living a life of Peace everyday peace defined as wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality my goodness I want you right where you are eyes open eyes closed it doesn't matter but take a deep breath hold it for just a second and then exhale completely as you conceive of the idea of the truth of you and your life right now at peace whole complete nothing missing nothing broken totality you and yes every day peace is possible yes you deserve peace everyday and yes you can have every day piece we work together on this show to bring
the topics and the guests to partner with you as you create your life of Peace everyday now if you missed last week's show we had a amazing show we had dr. Angela Wilson with us who talked about using the power of the unconscious mind
to create the physical reality that you want if you're interested if you if you're not interested I don't know why but if you can use your unconscious we've heard of the conscious mind the subconscious mind that we can use your unconscious mind to do that I'm at please you want to go back and listen to that show and then we had also natural an esthetician Amber Rose and she's been with us before so you don't never keeping my I guess twice you know it's really phenomenal and Amber Rose Johnson was our second guessing she talked to us about the magical wonders of dry brushing the skin and how to have our best skin help your skin is so important and how to have our best skin and maintain healthy skin during the summer season the hot weather so you can access that show and all of our past shows by visiting Doctor drayvon James everyday piece podcast on Apple Spotify Google play in Stitcher
so I highly encourage you to go back and listen to those shows the information is wonderful you'll want to be able to share that information also with your loved ones so please take advantage of that another great weight to listen to past shows and simply to go to the new and improved the fabulous dr. Dre Bond James. Cam website they did an amazing job with this website I'm super excited about it on the website you can access transcripts from past shows words of wisdom and encouragement you can get excerpts from my book Freedom is your Birthright there is contact information people have are still emailing me and that's okay to you can absolutely do that but a lot of the information you're looking for if you would like to visit the site you'll find it their contact information if you're interested in finding out about life coaching services or having speakers or any of that you can find all that information on the doctor dravon website so
I encourage you to bookmark that website and visit it often as it does update frequently I'm super excited about our guest today we have the master of disaster you'll have to stick around to find out what I mean by that Doctor Randall Bell with us today and we have an amazing author Cathy Holloway Hill is going to discuss her book secret betrayal with us today so before we get to that we're going to talk about something that is really heavy on my mind and my heart today from previous coaching class that I had this weekend and so this is our everyday piece that I want to turn your memory back just a little bit if you will if you can recall the story of The Tortoise and the Hare and I that story was a story that I really like this new kid the hair challenges the tortoise to this to this race knowing that the tortoise is very slow and I don't want to focus on the here
RBD peace moment I want to focus on the tortoise and I understand that we are in a season of change we all know that right the world is coming out of a pandemic we are not going to go backwards we're only going to go forward that's how it this works and that has caused a sense of anxiety for a lot of people because they don't know how they will show up in the new world and is that coach people and work through leadership topics with them change is difficult and sometimes it causes people just appalled as they're overwhelmed they can't move forward and so I wanted our everyday peace more today to that the tortoise in this story and to remind you that we all know the outcome of the Tortoise and the Hare so if you don't know how I'll just go ahead and do a spoiler for you the hair being fast in my tea and that's a whole nother thing with challenges
the tortoise to the race the tortoise is slow and steady and he wins the race at the race and we're focusing on that slow and steady because focusing on your goals and doing one small thing in committing to that one small thing whatever it is with consistency and discipline right I think we overwhelm yourself quite often because we're thinking about the whole big thing we have our eyes on the prize we we know there's a gold there we have her eyes sort of on that but mostly we have our eyes on this big thing that we have to accomplish to get to the prize what I want to encourage you today is to be like the tortoise decide that you're moving in the direction of your goals make those goals clear
you know feel it in your bones if they say get really clear on what it is that you want to achieve and then do not scare yourself do not overwhelm yourself with all the tasks that need to be done focus on one small thing at a time it may even seem to be insignificant you there's a part of your brain is going to kick in and says you should be doing more and when that part of your brain kicks in notice what you do you Julie fries and do nothing so instead of giving into that part of the brain we're going to we're going to focus on the small consistency that small consistent step with discipline that we going to do that for a week and then we're going to add another small step the next weekend before you know it you going to be so much further along the path to your goal so today we're focusing on on the attributes of the of the tortoise right
small slow steady bite-size pieces done with discipline and consistency will end you at your gold point so that is our everyday piece moments and leave us to our very first guest of the day which is dr. Randall Bell better known as the master of disaster that the Randall Bell is his social Economist and he he has consulted on more disasters on Earth than anyone in the history and is widely considered the world's top authority in the field of post-traumatic thriving welcome to the show dr. Bell
Dodger James is a pleasure and honor to be with you thank you to the master disaster I can't stop saying that because after we freeze baby don't know what to do we going to a panic and so you are here today and we're talking about you know we heard if you don't prove post-traumatic trauma what you're talkin about post-traumatic thriving first of all what is it
well you know a lot of people when they think of disasters than they think of the difficulties with Herbie death disease divorced disasters whatever they think of Destruction they think that it's all over and the point of the my message through this book posttraumatic driving is that where we go in the aftermath of the tragedy is really a choice we don't have to accept defeat we can we can make conscientious choices in the science is so good that we can make choices that will actually lead us to the post traumatic driving we're actually doing better after the disaster than we were before the disaster so that's really the premise of my research and my work
so I love that I heard that that beam of light in there we're actually doing better after the disaster then we were doing before the disaster and I know they're many listeners here today to really need this message and they can't even imagine how they could be doing better after a loss of a loved one after a loss of a job and you know the income loss of hell but I am excited to bring this to them so what's the first what first got you interested in the process process of turning pain into power
well dr. James I've been working in the field of disasters since the 1980s and for a long time and as an economist and that's taking me all over the world with with various disasters you name it and I became very fascinated with the people behind the statistics is an economist we punch a lot of numbers but then I would sit with people on coconut tree logs in the Bikini Atoll with lost her children to nuclear testing or other people who had lost family members to murder some horrific crime and I became far more interested in the people than the than the numbers and statistics and started really looking at the people behind the statistics and this career is giving me really an unprecedented access to these two these sites and to these people and I really was intrigued because I noticed that some of the people I met I became friends with a number of them or stayed in touch and I I noticed
some of them really did something went on to do something really remarkable and I was fascinated by that process so I started really paying attention and I hit the books and she went back to school and earn my doctorate and and focused on you know these kinds of behaviors that they create these kinds of remarks remarkable results and there's great sign the book is packed with wisdom but it's not for me it's it's from great social scientists that have really studied these issues and an identified what choices you can make in the aftermath of a disaster to really drive so that's kind of a synopsis of my journey
so and thank you for that would you say that anyone can Thrive after any disaster
as remarkable as it sounds the answer's yes I am quite convinced because the interweave in the book I interweave the science with the stories of actual people people I know people who were kind enough to sit down with me and let you know in the end a cafe or coffee shop and really tell me their story and people I've known as followed for 4 years and you know people who have been incarcerated people who have been the victim of horrible crimes people who have lost children you know all these things are for ethic and I'm not trying to sugarcoat or downplay the shock and the anger and and the depression that can come from those things but in time they moved through those phases or those stages I should say you successfully to get back on their feet we go from the dive stage with all the the nastiness of the disaster to the surviving stage is the second part of the book enter the third part of
book is the Thrive stage where they really learn the skill set they need to not only get back on their feet but took the blast off and do something really amazing
so you said something really interesting there and that you work with all types of people in all in all aspects of trauma whether they be incarcerated and I was just extrapolate a little bit on that term because just because you're incarcerated doesn't mean you're guilty but let I want to say just even those people who may have been the cause of the trauma
as well as those people who may have been the victim or do you know
both individuals both individuals suffer trauma right and both and both individuals cases there can be thriving and I love that because oftentimes people get when they are the cause of something horrific you know they get stuck in this in this will but they can't get off of it right and they get stuck there and believe that they are no better than their last offense
right yeah I learned a lot of some of my greatest teachers and life have been incarcerated men in San Quentin prison where I've been a volunteer and also people I've met in the Orange County Jail system through a Ministry that I belong to and I've met people in prison who are in prison for life but one one gentleman came up to me and saying what and he says you know I've been convicted for Life I'll be in prison for the rest of my life but it will be a good and honorable life that's the kind of transformation I've seen that that gentleman in my mind is a primer because although he's he's accepted his his reality for for crimes he committed when he was young and made some bad decisions he's turned it around and he's driving and that's what it's all about it the change of heart It's A change is a change in attitude and and it's taking responsibility and it and it is that process that really brings about The Fray
the Gap at seaward is the change right to change the heart to change an attitude it is change will be necessary so in the end that's even for those those people who are not in the state of overcoming trauma but I'm reminded that you're talkin about that very true phrase we're either in the middle of something heading into something and it does something is something undesirable or coming out of something undesirable so that we are always in that cycle and knowing that somewhere on that well and knowing that we cannot only just survive but we can come through this and we can Thrive and if you said in the beginning we can find ourselves in a better state of being then what we were prior to the trauma that is phenomenal to me that if they let that is I won't say worth the all the drama but if you have to go through it to know that we have an option to come out into the into the thriving to
knowing that we have that wife in your in your opinion do so many people just exist in the surviving stage and it and it and that's even a struggle struggle to get to just the survival Sage why is that
I think it's because they don't have the information and and and honestly that's why I spent ten years writing this book and doing the research because as I say the science is so good that we if we will adapt some some very specific and frankly very simple habits meditation for 1 or you can call a grounding we called grounded in prison because some people you know you know have a hang up on the word meditation it does really matter it's is deep breathing exercises are I am on my desk in front of me 12 articles out of Harvard University that show brain scans that measured the brains help from a friend growth from simple deep breathing exercises these kinds of techniques and I go through all of them in the book If people had this information they don't need to get stuck in this survival mode or or even in the the.
a stage or the survive stage they can really kind of move forward to the prize stage and I think it's basically making this information accessible because it's been proven scientifically to work
yeah and I love it and you say this been proven scientifically to work so before we go too much further into tell us again the title of the book how we can access the book
yeah sure that the title of the book is post-traumatic driving and then the subtitles The Art science and stories are resilient and it's on Amazon I have the Kindle version for 99 cents because I'm not really in this for money I just I've been given it really a gift I've asked us to these people in these places I just thought a ethical responsibility to to share what I learned so the books on Amazon the Kindle versions 99 cent it's at every Bookstore Barnes & Noble everywhere and I love getting feedback from people who've read the book but if it's everywhere
wonderful name for 99 cents to our to our listeners it's worth it to either be a help to you but if you've already learned how to how to do that successfully he then to pass on to someone else you know and we all know someone and who is cup trying to effectively come through covid right and all the things that were lost and that in the coming through covid-19 really trying to get their speed on steady ground really trying to figure things out for themselves so that they can move even two surviving right there feel as though they're not surviving because of all the emotional trauma that they are currently experiencing what is the key to the processing without giving everything away I will do one people to get the book I really feel that the book of your valuable I know we talked about meditation and grounding and that and I and I so agree with that and I want to say one thing I love how you say you don't get to know you don't get stuck on the words because sometimes words can separate us right so if the word meditation doesn't
sit right with you you can substitute in that background in that space will you go within and that's how I'm looking at that is that is that your meaning behind the meditation in the grounding
yeah yeah yeah exactly you got it and that's such a great question because the V and you mentioned covid and by the way on January 10th I got covid and it knocked me out flat for three months I got a really bad case and I'm grateful to God that I survived it and my heart goes out to everyone because it just roidmi physically for 3 at least three months and it destroys a lot of people physically financially emotionally it's a horrible thing and it actually the timing of the book was such that I was able to add information about covid-19 and it's really wonderful dentist and weather is covid-19 the other trauma the solutions are the same and and I talked about in the first chapter what I call the dynamic duo the first one is grounding exercises deep breathing exercises I've had friends if I do have friends right now we just missed that because it's too simple they just can't believe that something that simple and
completely free and without some exotic you know Guru that you have to go to that that can have a powerful effect but that's that's one of the obstacles and driving is just accept the science something that is is that is easy and free can be so powerful the other one of the time that the dynamic duo is is to tell your story you cannot bottle up trauma inside and he'll it just it is absolutely 100% impossible I've never seen anybody do it and I don't see any academic literature that supports that idea you've got to find a trusted person preferably a licensed therapist but a good friend or even journaling but getting that story told and expressed relief that internal war that we start within ourselves when we've experienced the trauma about eight techniques and total in the book but those are the two that I'm anxious to share with people because those two alone have a very
oh and I love that I loved and list it's been a minute talking about telling your story because I agree with you there's more room out here than there is within ourselves so the let let that out in the store like letting the pressure out of a balloon or something for you when you get to tell your server is there a way that you should tell your story that doesn't read traumatize you or doesn't and it's not too heavy for the next person is there a certain way to tell the story to be effective as a relief
such a wonderful question Doctor James at what the technique I learned in again from these inmates in and San Quentin prison they call it sitting in the fire and you're right we don't want to be ritrama ties and so maybe we tell our story gradually we need to tell it to a trusted person someone that won't gossip behind her back or break our confidences and that kind of thing that's why I trusted and trained licensed therapist is so good because they'll lose their license if they if they share information inappropriately and we want to be careful about sharing that information with with close friends because we could traumatize them with our story to finding that right person is important but but sometimes we need to take our time telling our story we don't need to tell her story public late but we do need to find some Outlet to tell that story it is we call it sit in the fire because that's what it feels like it's raw emotion it's obvious you know ugly
embarrassing information you know the traumas not a fun topic to talk about and that's why people you know instinctively you know hold it inside but that's what causes the central War that's so so damaging so it's really a personal preference as it's a personal decision we got to make who do I tell who can I trust and how can I share that information in a way that's healthy and constructive while not traumatize to myself but ultimately get the full story out because it's like getting the poison out of our our bodies took to go through that process
oh absolutely I agree with you one hundred percent getting the poison out so that you can move to a place of thriving when you start letting the poison out of your system and being you know you here so I always tell people the benefit of telling the story is that you in order for me to tell you about something that happened to me in the past that must mean that I'm a victory over that right so if I'm the Storyteller up in a bit in my life that means I had victory over that that whatever it was I'm still here to talk about it right it didn't like me out of didn't take me outside when I talk to people always say that I remember that you were telling me the story so I already I see you was a big door you know and appreciate the magnitude of that you're going to tell me something horrific that happened and that you survived
yeah you'll get is done and I tell the stories like for example I went to high school with Jerry Jewell and Jerry is one of my heroes she is she was born disabled and fortunately but she's a wonderful person and she had that choice of I'm not going to just sit in a easy chair and watch TV all day or am I going to do something with my life Jerry went on she she was the first disabled person in the history of the world to land out starring role on network television Jerry's I was on Facts of Life on ABC TV and then she just started on Deadwood series on HBO she's a wonderful person she's inspired Millions she spoken at the White House three times and and she's a poster Matic driver eyes she was born with her trauma so I sat with Jerry 4 hours on many occasions and interviewed her and ask her about what she does behind the scenes in their day-to-day life just Benson able her to just you know in spy
for Disabilities do something so incredible aunt and I share her story and Other Stories in the book so you can kind of understand the science but see it actually applied and then actually see the results the mess that's what compelling that you know information I'm trying to provide the Bell about his book and you can beat the book is 99 cent on Amazon. The belt thank you for sharing your journey with us and your story with us and we wish you much success as you reach the world tell us how to thrive after disaster
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create and build a life of your dreams welcome back to Everyday Beast with Dr dravon James welcome back on the Grapevine James and you listen to every day peace and we're back with our second guest for the hour and this is Cathy Holloway Hill and we're going to have an exciting conversation Kathy is the CEO of C Holloway Hill Enterprises it is her passion to enhance Empower educate and motivate individuals to live an authentic life I love that and authentic like welcome to the show Kathy thank you so much dr. Dre Von James I am so happy to be here oh I'm delighted to have you here I'm delighted for this topic you're opening up with talking about owning our identity and I got to tell you that that really excites me is I spent a lot of time coaching people and talking to them
about self-awareness and I don't know if you find this in your work but I do find it in mind that we could tell you more about our favorite athlete or singer or actor politician and we get to questions about ourselves we're still on for like I don't know right and our identity well if we get caught up it's kind of a learned behavior early on in life and your childhood we get caught up in what society says that we should do with our lives what the media says we should do with our lives our parents are teachers influential people in our lives figures on TV of people that we admire we get caught up in what they're doing and we never go inside of ourselves who discover who we are what are our unique gifts and pet gifts and
and passion and what is our purpose in life we are looking at other peoples were looking at things on the outside of us instead of going inside to discuss
you know I have to do with you a hundred percent is it in and I say this all the time people who I've coached their lives into their first start laughing as soon as I began it I always think that it is a tragedy that we have these two eyes that point outward instead of inward because all of the answers that we need for everything right we use our eyes to judge everything I use our site those of us who excited we use our site to tell us everything you know we believe exactly was he on the outside and if you turn the eyes and we're really be seeing something about herself and be opening up to truth when I said that's distracted by these eyes see in the media you know what we believe we seeing other people and I never got to talk about your one of your books and be both your books but secret betrayal is how we get caught up in jealousy and envy because what we believe that our eyes see so what in your opinion
people need to know what can we do to begin the process of owning our identity how can we shift that Focus but the great question first begins with the wearing it because I always start my workshops and seminars out by asking the question are you a victim of identity theft
and whatever I asked that question that you immediately think that it means someone hacking into their internet or how can another their bank account or something like that still under their social security number but I didn't eat their mates and I say no okay I want you to answer this question have you ever tried to fit in
you know just forgetting about who you are you're trying to fit in with what other people have you ever cried over a break-up do you care what other people think about you have you ever tried to impress them with those are the types of questions that I asked and they all answer yes and when you answered yes to questions like that you have not had your identity stolen device was giving it away because you you are unique and I call a discovering brand you you your own uniqueness but we give it away to other when we allow the opinions of others and how they see us as their perception of us they allow that to Define them
and when we allow things outside of us to Define who we are that's identity theft or are actually giving it away giving your identity away even though you're not liking it but you just want other people to like you when that should not be the goal the goal is to go inside buying your power find your unique authenticity
and discover what that is and build upon that that's the first step
yeah you hit that nail on the head for me because the whole thing isn't it be are totally totally honest and we need to be totally totally honest if that's how we're going to get free is right we want other people to like us. That doesn't sound like a bad thing right but I think that what we skip over is we first need to know in like ourselves right now you're going to be the next Oprah know I'm Cathy Holloway Hill
you do Oprah Winfrey what she does she's Oprah that's her identity my identity is Cathy Holloway heal your identities dr. Dre Bond James every individual on this planet has a unique authentic purpose and unique authentic gifts that only they can bring to the world and your world may just be a small group of people in your community your world may be Millions but you have to be true to who you are and true to your purpose and stop trying to look at what everyone else is doing outside yourself stop trying to be like the people that you admire and just be yourself and that's what kind of brings us to the Indy thing
we start dating other people because they have things we want when we have the same power that they have inside of us but we don't go in there to find it
we have the sick and you do as you were talking would occur to me you'd meet me and be people are trying to be like somebody else and do you think that a part of that trying to be like somebody else is that we fear one that who we are is not good enough like we won't cut the mustard as they say no we won't be good enough if it if you just show up as you and you feel like what that that would never do because I am not good enough at this end and so that's how we get so overly involved in trying to be somebody else we see someone with Meyer and instead of us trying to go inside allow that to enhance enhance you to lift you up inspire you to motivate you do not allowed to Define you
that's where we go wrong we go too far with it
because we we have something that we all have to bring to the world and until we go in there and discover what that is when to put ourselves in something I call the self discovery mode ask yourself what are my beliefs what are my fault what am I pass is what's my purpose what do I like to do what am I good at what is this comes natural for me I've had to jump out of bed and do it without everyone has a unique gift that they possess but they don't know what that is because they're so busy living
externally and living in an external world that they don't go inside to see where that internal unique authenticity is
you just and I don't want to listen to miss this because and I just was driving and down here talking to cuz it was really good teaching you said you gave these four self-discovery questions and I just want to repeat them before I listeners because if you have a piece of paper if you can write these down I think it would be well worth it to sit and some quiet time and get yourself some answers for self-discovery according to Cathy Holloway he'll just gave us question number one what are my beliefs what do you believe about anything just what do you believe what are my thoughts what am I think yeah yes what are my passions that's huge that's cute will what what lights me up what am I excited about without judgment she said I have to add that in there cuz I feel sometimes we get all weird about it all this fun that's what I believe that's what you believe you can change it
what comes naturally
because you are so right I agree with you a hundred percent we all came wired for something oftentimes we don't open that our own personal gift because we just assumed is not good enough
and we also look how I get caught up in our younger years to basically childhood when were teenagers we're listening to what other people are saying our parents are teachers our friends are Pastor whoever is important in our life where list I did it I was in Corporate America for 25 years and hated every minute of it
because I wanted to please my parents I was trying to please people that were important to me but I was not being true to myself I knew what I love to do I know what my passion was but I was living according to my password or my purpose
let's talk about that for just a minute because as they say I'm sure you just rang the bell for a lot of people right now and we're talkin about you know your special teams helping people live their authentic life and there is so much happiness in that authentic life but as you just gave us a very Vivid example many people just probably set up in their chair because they know that that they that's either them or they love somebody who's actually suffering from that where they are trapped in a circumstance that looks wonderful on the outside but on the inside makes them feel like it's rotten to the core and sometimes that is a career choice with every once in applauding you you that you don't use your health on high positions and do you see if this is something you got that the c-suite that you know everybody wants and you're in that you're kicking and screaming why am I here and how can I get out to give us something what is 1
what's the first step to getting out I mean you know you don't want to be there you know that it doesn't represent your passion but let's be honest it's paying the bills it's it's it's providing a lifestyle that we are you know enviable lifestyle were talking about situations is providing all that with your have gotten the highest of the high as far as successes and you're unhappy with it what's the first exit strategy and you know first thing you must do is acknowledge
and once you acknowledge that you're unhappy but still a lot of people talk themselves into happiness when they're really not happy with their doing is they're wearing a back and I'm not talking about a covid mask I'm talking about a full facial mask because they're masking their pain so they throw on a mask and pretend that their life is great all I'm making a lot of money I have it so you have to acknowledge that you are wearing a mask and you are living a fake life it's not your authentic life it's a life as someone else shows
and you're just going along with the program because you're making the money that's good and it's buying you all these external thing and we know it's ask her things were The Root of Happiness and there wouldn't be so many people in Hollywood committing suicide and and getting hooked on drugs
unhappy if money was the reason for happiness it's not it's cool fill it because the more money you get then you won't power and then you get power then you want to you know these billionaires that they're flying to outer space that got billion what is he need to fly to outer space
because it is something missing money is not the answer or something missing
yeah you can answer the question of what that is and you have to take off the mask you got to take off and it when I say a mass I'm talkin about the lies you tell yourself as you know the second book I wrote live love and life
and you got to stop telling yourself the lies I love my job I'm happy well I can't leave here I make too much money well I'll never succeed at doing anything else well I can't I can't quit cuz I have to pay my bill what you can gradually ease your way out of it the way I did it is I on the side as a hobby was doing my passion is my purpose
while I still maintain the job that paid the bill and I gradually ease my way out of it that's how I did it
oh I love that I don't know a nice little Ira or Niceville took a chain set aside where they can just quit
but I eat my way out there and there are many ways depending on your circumstances of how you can get out or you can wear a mask for the rest of your life and be miserable on the inside
are most people in Hollywood you know and they get restless and miserable and and like he's billionaires are looking for ways to you know themselves
green rocket ship to fly to outer space
but you know one thing is you talking about this mask and I love that visual because this mask of a gram in it and it constricts us when we feel small right think that's something you know when I talk to people I always say how do you feel never mind what you look like to be outside where or how do you feel anything that makes you feel small pie inside you feel like you're drowning like you can that is not your passion so you can find your passion by discovering what is not your passion sometimes you got to go about it that way so you get in this place in the net and I love the fact that you brought this conversation to this point as we're talking about your books and we're talkin about this whole part of authenticity that because
the trail we become we portray ourselves when we decide to live small inside so we can look a large outside be presented in this way because work was trying to hide the the anger was trying to hide anxiety and we're trying to hide the envy and was trying to hide the regret and all of those toxic emotion so we throw on a mask to cover that up when really all we have to do is just acknowledge where we are
acknowledge that we are feeling these things stop pushing it down stop trying to you know just spent in just get in where you fit in stop trying to do that and just understand that I've got to go through the process of discovering who am I what's my identity what is my unique authenticity what do I possess that I can bring to the world and be excited about it I want to jump out of bed every morning and be excited about my life
right as I'm driving into work and Dread traffic and Dread and Dread and just live a life of dread and misery
and taking that first step you know can be scary but I think there's another way we can think about it it can be invigorating and exciting and I love how you provide that safety for people who don't have the IRA you know the trust fund or whatever they just can't put these aside they have obligation to provide that because I work a lot of hours but I've never met anyone who works 24 hours a day 7 days a week so we do know that in there somewhere and I thought I opened up with everyday piece mode talking about the tortoise and making a small commitment to your dream and I hear you were you followed that passion you know you see maintained your full-time responsibility on your job and you started making room and etching out time in your in your off time to start developing your passion to the point where you could walk away from the c-suite you know from the executive position and so you know here I am
been building this on the side and it's ready and I would believe in this is really a question did you feel like when you made that you had the awareness when you made the commitment to start doing that did you feel like the mask came off at that point or did you have to get completely out of corporate for The Massacre come out off once I started doing it on the side as a hobby of the Mask came off it totally came off and once I started doing it on the side as a hobby I started getting more and more and more and more exposure and more and more and more attention from people requesting my services and then that started being the main focus for me and once I started actually earning money from that on the side it started out volunteering and hobby but then you know when you start writing books and you know what I can get my masters in psychology
a technology job I work Friday
New Bedford Massachusetts
night you started doubting that it was it was a straight man and wasn't my passion a strength is totally different than a passion
but once I start I just it just kept going and going until I went in one day and I tried to turn in my letter of resignation and and they still wouldn't accept it they said I know so I went ahead and stay three more years and just started in 07 money away just started really shoveling it away just when I did go off on my own that I have the next day and told her it was a plan it was a planned exit the first of which is the act like 330 k
okay well the first one is emotional bail out and that one is because you know during a great example everyone's looking for a bailout from the government help us help us help us you know we need job we need to do to get rid of this pandemic well my first book emotional bail out is how you can help bail yourself out of a situation if you're at a job that you don't like how you can help bail yourself out that's the first book the second book is live love and life stop telling yourself these lie I can't do this I'm too old I'm not good enough all of these things that are not true and throw you throw on the map to try to cover up the pain that's the second book and the third book is called secret betrayal
females gossip and they talk to their female friends and they're around her female friends with behind their back their gossip and they judged him unfairly and they really is secretly want to be like them or they want to have their life or whatever the case may be so that book is about how to live your authentic life and stop gossiping and and judging your friends behind their back you know you have your own so you can stop looking at other people I get that a lot when I go out to different event that I get judged because of what I'm doing when they could be doing whatever it is they're uniquely qualified to do
do all of my books are available you can get them on Amazon the easiest way to get them for me is my website which is C Holloway and I'll spell that for you see Holloway h i l l. Calm and there's a lot of information on my website about me my book The workshops that I send Doug I do a lot of work for youth organizations Corporation when I went back and got my masters in Psychology I focused on early childhood development because that's when we really start creating these beliefs about ourselves early in life
and once you become an adult now you got to reshape and refocus and change those beliefs because our old toxic beliefs might be that I can't own a bit since I can't be an entrepreneur it's too difficult you know any excuse those are those lies you're telling yourself lies loving life so and they all kind of tying it fit together with what I'm talking about when I say only your identity when you own your identity you own your life
yeah in Italian so nicely too and I wanted to say one thing about your book The Secret betrayal how to deal with female rivalries as we're talking you today I'm getting a strong I feel strongly connected to you and your message here because when we know ourselves when we have that relationship with ourselves I find that we are less likely to even want to gossip or to put another person down because we have a realization that first of all we are all one we come from the same Source right and that we can we can attend I want to say this in a way that is very very clear because we started to practice self-awareness we see ourselves and totality me see those things that we love about herself and those things that we want to improve and we understand that that makes us uniquely us and so being able to see both sides of the coin allows us to see that
the people with grace to a place where we're taking things so personally or we're over the we're judging so understanding as you're talking right now what I'm hearing is that what we get to this place of self-awareness of living are authentic like the need to gossip goes away and the need to improve you realize that you know it's like I'm full of these old stories that my mother used to tell me about this now mine Stone Soup this early I was talking about the Tortoise and the Hare but we realize that everybody has to bring something they bring your uniqueness which makes the world beautiful and we can all support each other instead of tearing each other down 47 build each other up because the world needs everyone's unique gift the world needs you please stop looking at other people and envy
and judging what they have because you can have whatever is meant for you but what and I'm very spiritual and I said what God has for you is for you not for anyone else to have to go after it you have to put in the work
I have so thoroughly enjoyed having you on the show today because as we grow thank you as we grow in our authentic self we do better for our homes our communities are organizations and we do that we do better for the World At Large and Dr.Dre Ron James and every day peace this is what we strive to do is to bridge these gaps to help people connect to their authentic self so your whole message today has been right in line with what we're teaching on this channel of the alliance's did the everyday peacemakers that we're generating from this channel I would encourage our listeners to please visit the www.dr drayvon website listen to the replay of the show get the information from Kathy Holloway about her book happy Halloween he'll excuse me about the book she has written her organization find a way to be that positive change that we're so looking for in the world
it comes from us this is Doctor Dre Bond James this is everyday peace I absolutely love you
you've been listening to Everyday piece for dr. Avon James you have the power right now today to make the decisions to take the actions that lead you to your next level of greatness and I would love to watch you and your turn to hear some ways we can connect schedule a coaching session contact me at info at dr. Dre Bond James. Calm enroll in my online university course to 2020 Clarity court at The Institute for leadership and lifelong learning International in role of the brilliant life nine weeks online coaching session with me and Keisha Dixon info at the back to Cleveland James. Calm purchase my book Freedom is your first break from Amazon thank you for being everyday Peacemaker I absolutely love you
thank you for listening to Unity online radio
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