feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration your together yet so far apart now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached one shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bringing intimacy back a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to ww.w. Bringing intimacy back.com today and let the healing begin

welcome to the bring your intimacy back so I'm so happy to be back on the air in here when you guys today well did bring it into Misty back show is where intimacy is real in on this show we ain't to help increase the intimate connections with your significant other children family is not worth Community your higher power we give you the secret power to instrument so on today's show we're talking about is intimate connections with children and with self because what do I have on today is someone who is a phenomenal motivator speaker he's actually a good friend of mine this is Tim Allen really he has an impressive touches we are from high school college at Bell and just at he does basketball season and he has a great presence and what I like about him is he not only mode

a person internally and to be the best person they can be and he does a lot of this with Children of course we're going to talk about but also with young people in this sense voice pretty also does a lot with it though but he also helps motivate people to even connect with others and how bad really helps and family talk about pennyman when we talk about business and we talk about school because we're all about Connections here so Tim welcome to the show

April it is great to basically do anything with you let alone be on a a show and to be able to talk about something that is significant to everybody

yes yes yes and so Kim can you tell us a little bit about your background

I'm basically a New Yorker grew up in Queens New York and in growing up in Queens New York was supported by beneficiary and simply put I was raised in a with the two great parents with great mentors around me from features coaches other family members and it kind of you know is something that is platform me into being able to go to college of the first one of my family to do that and then and then going on a little further in college with getting my masters in counseling while in college and played for NCAA Sports basketball was really the one that I

ended up choosing as one that will continue with Korea that lasts day it's where I went from playing which was the most fun thing you do with a sport to coaching which is probably the most rewarding thing that you do with with a sport because coaching is about other people's shine much more so than playing playing although I was the point Garden try to get the ball to people I also had the courage to try to take over a game myself but when your coach it's really you're not trying to take over your trying to empower and so and coaching can last a lifetime we're really playing is is a finite thing so that's pretty much money

wow yes yes and so you've been coaching for how long now

since 1983 yeah it was I when I graduated school I was fortunate I got an opportunity to coach at New York University how is the head coach of the soccer program which was kind of absurd because I didn't have a lot of experience in terms of coaching I didn't have any outside of being around them the game's best player and some of the games greatest coaches that spell a was from Brazil and Julie Oma's a and Ani Ramirez Juliana's they was the coach of the Kosmos the world-renowned team for New York and my coach in college Johnny Ramirez and Felix Fuchs men but those guys platforms me and gave me a lot of positive dialogue to other people and I was asked to basically coach at NYU which I did as the head soccer coach also helped out with men's and women's basketball into a classes

and really from there just kind of after 2 years I really just wanted to be in basketball and I got an opportunity to be a head coach in a high school in New York City month and then that kind of platform into other opportunities so the other opportunities were in a high school that was in Southwest Florida Mariner High School right after I had had the great Good Fortune of overachieving and marrying the love of my life we got the opportunity to come down and I I worked at Mariner and Coach there and then that led to 20 years in division 1 basketball from University at Buffalo to University of Florida Eastern Kentucky UMass and and Baylor University and Iona College so that's been my trailer and it's and it's recently landed me back here in Southwest Florida which is what I always my wife and I really always had hoped we could do and I'm working at Dunbar High School love the kids I love the people

my wife's teaching at the school my son is at the school at Saint Anthony's playing on the team so yeah it is amazing that he's allowed us to come back and you've been so much stuff I'm curious

and you what motivates you

because you've done so many different things and have been such a pivotal force in many people's lives so as we are talking about Intimacy in this motivational what really motivates you

well the thing that really the really the thing that's gotten me is this you know when I was growing up my father said something to me that I've never forgotten he said you know I said that I hope we can have really good friends and he said you know what if you want really great friends first be a really great friend and then don't expect that anyone else is going to be a great friends but just make sure you are really great friend and it started I really think with my dad and my mom and my grandmother just the people that poured into you you know because they they didn't like it wasn't like they gave me a fish for today it's like they taught me to fish that I could I could really feed myself for a lifetime so I think those people I think all parents or coaches I think if you're you know whether you're a pastor whether your husband wife about father mother sister brother friend in a year you really teach whatever it is that you're doing and you coach the person so that could be in the classroom

turn on the court so that's really what's inspired me like motivation I think it's like I said like it it's something that can keep somebody going for a day or two but Inspirations an inside job and I think I was touched by those people in and and and just recognizing that that's what I wanted to I wanted it basically do what they would do anything for me or somebody else

I know this 10 times and even just yesterday as I'm thinking about it I see Sports as very important and specimen someone's than athlete than how that impacts them later on in life until we have our listeners listen out there and sometimes kids want to play a sport or whatever but parents don't realize the significance the importance of playing a sport

yes what do you think

well you learn how to just not be illegal learn how to do things with a group that you know if it's a team sport so you know it's learning how to fit into a role just like one would it work it's learning how to be selfless you know it's it's also learning had a basically develop your yourself and the things that you do said that you was fired 2 + 2 + 2 work on those that maybe you're not so strong with more than anything else when you're with the team when you're part of something that's driving and has goals and if you learn how to be unified those are things that you know that transcend everything it is that it's it's really about relationships I mean everything that you do on a team no matter what anybody says is about relationships people can say for instance that stay at at at the schools that I've been we've been we were very fortunate in the Championships we want and so I have a number of rings you know

national championship rings from from Baylor University just a lot of different things that people I think it's fire to in terms of winning a championship but the funny thing is if I said to somebody Okay who in 2006 won the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship most people really even in basketball are going to remember it's out and and I can I have that ring on my finger cuz I was in always recognized as being a part of that National Championship but I look at the ring like I do my wedding band the relationship if it's the relationships that you had so that's the importance of sports has relationships learning how to be coached learning how to do Inspire others learning how to be less selfish as we dig into the relationship by going to start off with the self

so I'm assuming you've had kids from all backgrounds a variety of stuff yeah how do you help those kids of people who have had a rough time in life and they have no confidence in himself

when do you say that absolutely I mean that's you know and that's me you know that's I certainly was not someone that you know was successful at sports or anything else because I just believed in myself from the get-go I think every not everybody I think there are some people that are naturally stronger than that that but damn few and far between that I've experienced and Sport usually they need somebody to help light your fire a little bit you know somebody that basically believes in you first and it gives you permission to further believe in yourself and then they give you Direction on the things that you need to do that otherwise you wouldn't know what to do procedurally to get there and to be successful but I love I love basketball in particular because the ball has no idea what color Ian doesn't know if I'm a male or female doesn't care what my W-2 form says I don't care what kind of snake is that have you know the ball cheats me as I'm going to invest and treating it and as a coach

what we do is we talked about that we explain that to all play as in and we create you can call it culture you can call it what you want though we want teammates to graduate from being teammates by going through the process and hopefully to become a family cuz it's where you can teach people to really be a family if in fact they struggled with with where they come from does that make sense

yeah definitely so you saying that you help with its resting with basketball or whatever sometimes the ball can bring via Foundation or building block

absolutely it's like a musical instrument if we went into the Blue Note in New York City at jazz in jazz bar and you know people from every culture every Walk of Life is in there but the bottom line is the music starts getting played all those things drop people aren't looking at you know what you wear and how much you have all it will this stuff that basically gets in the way of really relating to the person and so we can all of those things get dropped you know the ball ends up being you know helping facilitate that happening and I do think in the sense of the ball and stop it and it also puts out there that you should keep moving keep trying

absolutely insane yoga you don't get stuck in just because I didn't make that one shot it's going to take taxes and time

it's so good that you said that I mean cuz we talked about this the other day there was a player that went to for 9 and a game so I have 9 shots made 2 baskets and he had his head down and he played about 29 of the 32 minutes in a high school game Sorry I asked him in front of everybody I said listen I said I'm so how long does it take to shoot the ball

and my kids are sitting there may be a second or Split Second I said okay and how many shots did you take that took nine coach but I only made two I said okay but you're how many did you take it he said 9 so how many seconds did that take

he said well it's Nate at the most you know 12 seconds and I said so you allowed what happened in 12 seconds to get in the way of you know the 29 minutes to playing that you didn't shoot the ball where you were rebounding passing playing defense encouraging just because you don't shoot the ball well does it mean that you didn't play well and it can't affect what you doing all that other time so it's like life I mean we're going to drop the ball life we're going to make a mistake with you know whether it's whether it's something we caused on it while life caused it the bottom line is you know play in the moment you know don't live in the past or you know basically play in the moment and and make sure that you know that the future can be a lot brighter than you can imagine as long as you're focused on doing the right things in the present short little break but in the break before when we come back and we would like you to talk about

also in sports how there is that trust Factor because yes I can basketball you got to pass the ball you got to be able to trust and how that plays in connecting with teammates and how that even later on plays been trusting others to help you out from when things get tough and rough okay in a little boy and a little break here I would like to let the audience know about a new service that's coming out is called vacation counseling and vacation counseling is a counseling Retreat for those of you who are out there and you're struggling in your relationship in your marriage maybe you've been married for a couple of years and there's a new baby and there's just a lot of adjustments to do and maybe you've been married for a while and maybe for some reason they're spending their farewell so I do have different issues coming up and you feel like you and your

right there I'm not connected well here in Southwest Florida summer 2020 we're having intense counseling Retreat where you can also not only get some counseling to help bring you and your spots back together but you're also have time to have a vacation here in sunny Paradise Florida where you can give massages go Annabelle have a relaxation kayak Houston are things and Friday of different things so if this sounds like this is something for you please check us out I www.educationcu.com

okay to tell him I know last time we were just talking about basketball and that individual motivation and stuff and so I'm actually going from Individual to the team there's some time I see this bridge of trust

yes yes that you know the trust factor is especially in the game of basketball is this really just one ball in this five people out of the floor at one time for one team in 5 on the floor for the other team so there's 10 people out on the floor with three officials a total of 3 people 13 people excuse me and so your team is five people so the biggest thing is how you share that ball and that the ball doesn't you know doesn't die when it gets to one person and the biggest thing again for me without team is to get people to know that no one person is going to dominate a game so much so that you know is going to leave to championships you really need everybody to be a facilitator there will be some people that will have different roles than others but being sure to be a true we not me group is what secures the opportunities for people to be a Jew

and successful so that the trust factor is I left him a point guard in the ball gets shot and we rebounded basketball the ball is given to me if someone's in front of me one of my teammates that has a better opportunity to score I immediately want to get that person the ball rather than I take the ball dribble it up the floor to myself make a play to score and it's really getting kids to play that free of getting that ball passed around cuz the ball travels a lot faster than humans do and the team becomes better based on the speed of the ball and so it is really getting kids to be unselfish and the beauty of that is I think it starts first and foremost with the coaching staff cuz if you got if you got a selfish coaching staff if you got to a head coach that either she or he feels as if they're you know they're the grand poobah doesn't know it all

and they act that way towards the people that are helping them post the team and they don't and they don't treat those individual as significant important as themselves or more so his feet off that and they'll end up marrying that image but if they sense that everybody trusts everyone in leadership like everyone truly is not Eagle fill their hearts filled for each other then the likelihood of them catching those Vapors is pretty strong and that's really what you want and I see this and what I do and helping people because sometimes people get number one I don't believe that anyone can be successful without the help of feathers

yes yes yes and then the number to partisan times when you're overwhelmed if you got you got to learn how to pass the ball you've got to learn how to get help you got to learn also I think you also have to learn how to help others I just can't do for yourself yes and I think you're when you play sports academy Vanessa Nadal and you learned back then maybe you're also more able to do it and in your own life does that make sense I'm you seen that one in a million percent in other words that say let's say we're all playing a game and and you and I are on the same team and and I missed a shot and after I miss the shot you know the ball goes out of bounds and I look like I'm dragging a little bit my head stamp and you run over to me can you put you on my shoulders and say hey to me we got this man you got this good shots going to come around well that little piece of encouragement Maybe

all I need to know that hey you know no one's looking down at me cuz I I miss the shot they like the fact that out in thirds to take the shot they believed in me and then all of a sudden I'm like wow that person's really the best of me and that builds that trust that builds that that builds the power of oui and I'm I am committed to what I do know experientially there's never been a national championship that one person won an NCAA division 1 college basketball it's a we experience and that we is everybody from the coaches manages administrators fans players parents loved ones people that really care and once people realize that it really is about us and not just I you know that the difference is made you no thank you

like it was someone who does we live in a world where I think today and I don't I don't think it's changed much I think biblically it probably would beerus out but it is the truth for me too many people are trying to what they do is Envision everybody have in Canada and the candle is being held in your hand and people on the other on a large majority trying to blow out other people's candles and moving around in it

and they're trying to blow out candles because they figure if I blow out enough candles my candle will look like it's burning brightest will the truth be told the very the truth of Truth is it's the sum of many candles burning together that burns brightest night so that's what we got to get to and especially in the world that we live in now

right exactly do they do think in specially in the world we live in now sometimes will be coming to focus on me

Sears Center Center focus and I'm especially I mean I don't know about with what you do but that's with all the social media and kids just get lost in that does that make sense I get lonely cuz it's total like you know their basic social media has its place but the minuses are I'm not I'm interested in real interpersonal intimate activity like me looking you in the eye you know and talk to you and watching your body language in and seeing you know people here with their heart with their mind with their eyes and then their ears and not there is for the one you really ought you do hearing somebody all of those things are coming in so what's lowest is that interaction that personal interaction and and kids are basically you do it

the world they've grown up with with these phones like I said I think there's some great things about the phones but I also think that there's a lot you know that is that needs to be understood it's it's doing to to limit people's interactions and closeness and getting to know others and dust themselves you follow me

definitely yeah and one of the things you would just say and I was just thinking when you mentioned occupy how does that impact

what you do well you know what I do is I make them put their phones up and we and we actively you do get them to rehearse just getting to know one another and when you're in the gym you know playing a game your way from your phones and we do a lot of drills we do a lot of things that just breaking down parts of the game cuz the McGee there are multiple tasks involved in basketball so in a 2-hour practice being away from your phone for 2 hours the kids you know they they probably going through withdrawal every probably make them go even longer than that because as you can tell I don't I probably am not the most concise human in the world I want to get better at that but you know we really try to express ourselves to them both before and after practice just verbally and emotionally to be there for me when we take kids fishing you take kids to our house and then we there is important as any humans that we're around it's it's about relationships

okay yes yes and I do think especially working with children and young people and providing that safe environment for them to explore to get to know other people to get to know them self they become more meaningful adults

absolute I mean absolutely absolutely is a young fella named Caleb Von Bergen I'm going to go fishing with him today and he's he loves basketball and he's finishing up screwing everything I have great conversations you know with them and we where we put down the phone and and basically you know when you when I have the kind of time that I get with him I'm benefiting I would think more so that he is you know I hope he's better fitting but I benefit from it so the relationship part is really helps grow all of us different now in the 20-20-20 did and it was 15-20 years ago

yes because it's not that kids still go through puberty identity crisis is all the things that was looking for somebody to point them in the right direction and everybody's looking for you know that there's an innate desire to get out a figure themselves out a little bit stuff but what is different today is the people around kids now

and that's me in sports because a lot of times some of these kids that have that I've been involved with coach and they're like human ATM machines to some people cuz some of them have the opportunity may be to be professional players Etc and that was that was tough the kids to navigate and so that's different additionally what's different is I think that there's a lot more families that don't have dads around and all that a broken up but you know there's just a lot more there's a lot more in lacking the connection and and the one thing we have on you know young people that you know can't be debated this year's right so I will years you know we can use to help them Empower themselves to make wiser choices by giving them giving them things to think of and look at so they can make sport morphe informed decisions it when you do that in a loving Manner and a can of concern that kids recognize that

man that that person didn't need to do that they did do that for themselves they did that for me that's that's when some really beautiful things happen while you're such a great and besides that you could she meant her Ally which it seems amazing amazing amazing gifts yes so we're going to take have to take another little short commercial but in this commercial I would love for you to talk about

how you do I guess you do a lot of motivational speaking and how people can get in contact with you and people by yes so well I'm at I'm currently at Dunbar High School right now and and and I don't know if I'm a I think it's called motivational speaking but what I really speak about is just on the experiences that I've been afforded to go through with your I consider myself just a regular person but I have been through some irregular experiences in in sports places that I think many people aspire to try or to achieve to being at in the one thing I know about going through the experiences that I have is that it's on that Tabu and that it it's not the answer but there are definitely some lessons to be learned from going through Prosperity which has its own really high levels of adversity

and I and also just for me to do when power anybody and everybody to know that you know you're a difference-maker once you choose to be that for other people and and I think for me the one thing that makes you know somebody clear to me to be your personal strengths are those that do that and also those that say hey I need a little help with this because it means that there's a level of not only understanding themselves but the cards to say hi want to move forward I want to do better at something so

I basically you know I I I usually get asked to go to places like New York University I was at the University of Florida speaking I was overseas at a in Istanbul speaking I go to different places but I like go to it could be at a dinner table it could be you know what your friend. I just it's not just going in and in speaking in front of a large group of sisters being making myself available so if anybody ever wants to come watch a basketball game and learn a little bit about our program learn about our coaches and I would love the opportunity of getting to know anyone that's listening to anything that's being said that means anything to them I would just say go online go to Dunbar High School look at the basketball schedule you do let me know a game that you like to come to you or my pay a dime and we will get together and you'll get to meet everybody in our team and we'll talk about you know doing whatever you would have us do in terms of aspiring a group

excuse me inspiring

get rid of this cough I tell you

sorry about that never forget thank you so much for staying out that one of the things that really did one of the main reasons why have you on this because like you said you'd gone to a lot of stuff and you've learned like yes and you learn lessons and be working with you this you and I work together to end at a certain point in our lives and still out of all of the lessons that you've learned can you share with us like one or two of your top lessons that that you've learned in life and then how you use that lesson to teach the young people to post the young people today

okay well I think the biggest thing that you learn is that for me is that you know you never arrived

in like never arrived. Like you never arrived I certainly don't feel like I've ever arrived as a coach I know what type of Coach I am I'm somebody that cares about people and stuff like that but somebody that

oh really believes that one somebody thinks they've arrived you know that your knee is is starting to slow down or stop so like a piece of fruit like what what's it's ripe what does it have to look forward to if so you're always will like they always will and the other piece I think they have learned was years ago

you are just very fortunate with the people I was around there was a young man named Riley code and he was a Afro-American spell he was a five-foot-nine quality black I mean he was so dark that if it was midnight you could not see him unless he was smiling or blinking but he was also one of the most attractive human beings that is smile Glisan is I spoke to just one of the best people I've ever been around and it was a great basketball player and this was during a time when a New York people really segregated if you lived in the middle of town you were person of color if you lived in the west end of town you were very white so you Italian polish Irish whatever you want and if you were in the East end of town you live in a big house and and you and was predominantly Jewish but can you imagine these people didn't hang out I need an associate with one another put Ronnie

how to go anywhere and he was whatever Coolidge and I like you got the cool crew what school he was cool because he was unbelievably good looking he was the best basketball player in New York City at the end he could go anywhere mother's used to stop you be walking down Park Avenue and mothers would pull over mother and say Rowdy you need a lift

and I know that cuz my mom would and anything that was magical about Ronnie was he so I was very short as like 4:11 I was a 9th grader I could see the gum underneath the desk to somebody that people can I wasn't the most taken serious guy Basketball Wives in the world when girls would see me you know my sister was a junior I was a freshman her friends would do is go really want to hear that you wanted to be significant right with somebody that everyday made me feel significant every single day and what time I was walking through the center of town with for my friends and as we walk in there was a crowd guys are wearing bell-bottoms big afro radios and everything in it and I entered my say we better walk in near the stratosphere this and I'm walking home and that way song

pass the crowd at hand comes out of the crab grabs me and put me in a crowd right and like my for so-called friends run away but the person that put me through the crowd was Ronnie Coast he was smiling and it was it was an evening and that he introduced me to everybody let me Smith David Taylor the Renzo Lorenzo Lake the Renzo show me the Renzo's if you had to have picnics but just think of it I I got to end the next words out of Lorenzo Lowe's mouth was hey man you got boyfriend Whites compared with that crazy handle which meant the way I dribble the ball you need to come to the King Center and play ball will the next day I went to the King Center and play ball and it's because of Ronnie code and because of Lorenzo low and knows quality people that were cool enough to accept me and and just showed me a whole other world and I didn't you know hang out with the for so-called

friends that ran away but I didn't even I didn't hold them hostage or was upset with them it's just my pass then was really I wanted to learn as much as I could about life and basketball allowed me to do that and so did Ronnie. Would say those two things just be open in a really open to the people that come into your life that are difference-maker he said that mean it is seems like he made because he makes you feel significant that made a big significant change and your direction in life and so he believed it yes he believed in me and it helped me believe that Yep. They're listening and maybe their teachers or maybe their counselors are vidalia of other things and including yourself have so many young people around us

how do we make that difference of making someone feels to Nipigon with all these people will educate Educators counselors and stuff like that it's funny I don't know if everybody else has had this experience but when I went to the college basketball and I've been there for 20 years financially there's a lot of money to be made there right so some people equate success with with finances right so but I'd I never had that why I went and did it and what I've always found what I want when I initially when it's education was some people looked at you as if all that's a nice job on nice going to teach almost like it was a less than job

when I think about it you know like there was you know it's it's interesting my wife go to class and I'm one of the classes at the University of Florida she thought there was a Latino lady in the background I was speaking at the class and she said and it's the last address this question I made that same statement I said you got cuz it was a class on for English teachers getting their masters there was an additional teaching methodology class back for them and so you know I said did you ever get that experience with sometimes you're feeling something and you know people would say yeah you know my friends think I could do better and then and then I'm looking around in a woman's back that I did and I would you mind explaining it and she said that her dentist told her you know that she could do much better at cetera excetera excetera and I said I said is you DED this male or female says male said okay I said I went when's your next appointment is are you done cuz my last appointment is Wednesday

message we were you offended by what he said and she said yes I said okay could I make a suggestion to you and she said sure and I said I said I consider you powerful are you Latino can I play basketball or through South America I think it's just an incredible place and culture I said in and you're a woman

I said so that's powerful by itself and its is my suggestion make sure he's done you no service in your cheap watch what you do this but

ask your mom let him know that listen I wanted you to know that last week when you mentioned your thoughts on me being educator it offended me and more than likely if the person has any kind of you know understanding there going to be a little apologetic and but you just say no it's okay I recognize what you're saying I don't take offense but initially offended me so I took a little offense but I understand I have a question for you

and then say to them you know I told her to say do you appreciate you value being a doctor and all then likely the guys going to say or yes I do write the restaurant and then just simply let the doctor know that well somebody had a teach you to be a doctor

cuz I don't think that anything is more significant or powerful than coaching counseling mentoring it is about other not about yourself cuz if it was about yourself what how boring with this life be yes yes and I do think that many times teachers and mentors and coaches don't get the recognition that they

is there but yeah they're making impacts and changes in people's lives and you said it's really just about making someone feel significant important because many times you and I'm feeling like

just think they'd all cuz you have no idea you know what the people that you're around the people that you're fortunate to be around any of them can be really instrumental in blessing a host of other people and so your job is simply to do that very thing to do that for them like whatever it's been I bet you everybody that's listening to anything anybody could say hey I want you to think of sweetened tell me the people in your life that made an incredible difference the I bet you that they could tell you and rally at all like instantaneously if you ask them who the five presidents were in order of the United States of America I don't know what to say no but if you ask somebody who are the people that really made a difference between you that helped you in your life not only to date will they tell you but they'll emotionally feel it as they do

yeah sometimes I'm in Maya Angelou said that's that it's not about what you say but how you make people feel basically

that's what that she's one of my favorite one of my favorite humans because her skill-set with words with the way she expressed to heart and words was special yes

and I don't think sometimes we realize how important words are

and even when you're talking about playing sports words are important

it's how we communicate absolute absolutely you know some words right foul words you know versus whatever the case some people think that they can say things in that and that brings emphasis to it the truth be told you know this thing that puts emphasis see your words is your internal emotional care for other people as you deliver them so your words after really carry the feeling of really wanting to help that person that you're with and when that happens that's when real communication takes place

yes so I'll so we since you're talking about the emotional aspect tell me how does that play out because I know sometimes

Asian people you're going through so much stuff you know stuff with your parents at home and whether it's the bullying of the parents arguing of their failing grades or whatever

yep what do you say what do I do for you to all our kids like the first order of business is great you know we we immediately make sure they understand there is a student at that's why students become before I actually did not turn and then who you are as a person is in conjunction with that so once we take care of those things if people are on a gross page there cuz they have to be graceful there once there their they're going to be allowed to play but we're not going to have them play before that that has to come first to stand is a level of balance and there's a there's accountability to that you have to make sure that the kids understand like the sport maybe a carrot that you know you use to basically lead them into doing already what they need to be doing to being successful IE taking care of school

and taking care to the best of your ability to be the best person you can be a little break and then we come back we're going to wrap it up and talk a little bit more about the struggles kids half and how we can make a difference

okay and this commercial here as a therapist here I wanted to talk a little bit about Carrington it's so important and now it's just as maybe my second or third one about children but as parents we have to realize the importance impact we have on our kids and I threw just speaking about in a few moments ago words

parents words to kids matter and with your kids is so important to be positive toward them of course kids are going to make mistakes but it's how you approach that mistake with your cat whether it's the mistake of homework not being done or staying out late as how you're approaching teaching them the right way to do things and also teaching them the ability to be able to look at them self and accept criticism but it's about how you say it so it's parents I just really want to see me yet it right the importance of uplifting your children because especially in today's world and since your kids have social media going on they really need to be Up Lift It by your by your parents so it's really important at the parent to let you kids know how much you love them how proud you are of whatever they can do that isn't there been

stability whether it's you're proud of them for making up their bad part of them the great I'm proud of how they dress compliment them because kids listen to that and the last thing that I would love to say to parents out there is that parents kids watch what you do

okay they watch what you do and how you live your life and how you talk to your friends and how you deal with that kids your children to listening so if you want your kids to be better in the sense of how they interact with their friends better with their school work better being on time and things and you have to demonstrate the same thing and that

yes so now back to you Tim yes what do you think of the top struggles that kids have to face today and as parents house placing teachers what can we do to help with them in that

I think the biggest thing again is them getting to feel comfortable with themselves to be no be empowered you know what themselves I think it's when you think about it their peers and forging their way and an understanding who they are in the pool the people that they associate with that of their peers is a part of a difficult process in it that you do for any of us so to me as you said The more we can Empower them to let them know when I'm making great decisions when they're when we respect the way they think about things or or the way that you do get them self up off the floor after they make a mistake cuz those are all things that everybody does you do for me I think that that's a hurdle man died I really think mental health Across the Nation especially I think in young people now

is a significant concern because I do think that the Microsoft people you know it's funny you know you go to the people that actually develop the phone and different things you know that they're not allowing their kids to use it on a regular basis and and in the computers and so Microsoft it is funny that there's a need or using technology help things go better and it certainly is a wealth of things that it is cyst with with helping people but there are also some issues with the overuse of it or or some of the people that you know get involved that can hurt you through it so it's I don't know that we we technically technically technologically-advanced but I don't know that we've emotionally you know and mentally and physically you don't understand that there's

you know there's things we need to know about social media and the things we create that can be detrimental to does that make sense even the sense of being on the computers or we play a lot of video games and even sports games and stuff and you think it's the same thing but it's really not the same thing as connecting with people playing an actual boy getting out connecting with your classmates teammates your friends

you're absolutely and it's you know the phone as I said you know that manufacture was business money being made I mean there is some things that I don't want my child that you know you have to put on limits on your phone and then gets things that apps that keep you know some things you don't want your children's to witness you know whether it's you know something sexual something you know we're aggressive something angry something to Pastor to you like there are things you just don't need you need to Monitor and I and I think that really can her kids especially at an early age if all the bad isn't understood when kids have phones cuz they get two things that they're seeing that they really don't understand way too young of a day does that make sense that makes you have them put their phones away

oh yes we monitor that social media with you know we talked to him about how you can best express yourself and and that anything that you put out on the internet you got to you got to know that it doesn't go away and it's it affects you so you know you have to eat out if you put out things you got to be very aware of what you're putting out and and that there's a lot of maturity involved with you know with the needs to maturity especially in dealing with the Social Media stuff cuz for some kids like that like to have in the first crack at something know what time alcohol is illegal if it was prohibited another time smoking with considered like not bad for your health and and it was a time the world was said to be flat I mean the bottom line is I think we'll find out there a lot of different effects of the telephone and the computer that aren't you know the best in the world and we're realizing some of those so I hopefully

will be better at taking precautions so that you know so that kids in the future don't get her 5

it's been a pleasure having you on and you've just given us so much information if there's one thing you can tell young people out there that could change their lives what would it be

that's easy everybody that's here in this and especially those in Southwest Florida make sure make sure you get a hold of April around the contactor because she is the top of the food chain when it comes to counseling I'm talkin top of the food chain I have I received my Master's in counseling Albert Ellis with somebody that I worked with these considered the top therapist too many that has ever lived is the bottom line April Brown and her hearing ability is off the chain or ability to get you to hear yourself is off the chain of concern for you to shine his and her friendship to the Maloney's both my wife and I and my son is off the chain and so that's what I would tell him get ahold of you say thank you so much yes I didn't expect that but thank you thank you but yeah

how can I put it you've been such an inspiration to me just because of how you carry yourself and also how you motivate other people and especially young people because some of us just like him we give up on the year and we can't because the user is the next Generation youth is Airbus yes and youth and as you know teaches this takes a lot of young people even today have talked me different ways and stuff and different things and so what I try to do and what you try to do is just make that what we call that intimate connection which is that strong bond between people absolutely absolutely and I and we are very thankful for our connection to you so a thank you so much

April for being a friend for having me on your show and I hope that I hope that people enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed being on it thank you so much for being in the show also add that anytime okay if you ever want to come back thank you alright by April by this is the beginning of show where intimacy as well thank you Tim if you like what you heard on the Shelf please feel free to I'm check us out on Facebook on Instagram look in there. Day for brown bringing intimacy back or also the new service vacation counseling thank you