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Bringing Intimacy Back, December 19, 2019

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Bringing Intimacy Back
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with Dr April Brown and guest Courtney Miller

Bringing Intimacy Back with Dr. April Brown and guest Courtney Miller

Headlined Show, Bringing Intimacy Back December 19, 2019

Broadcast Date

Courtney Miller is a transformer. At age 32, she was morbidly obese (about 260 pounds), homeless, broke, and a single mom. She was drifting through life without direction and feeling pretty worthless most of the time. She didn’t know how to turn that around until she met a wonderful coach that got her started and encouraged her to dream and achieve. Having someone in her corner that held her accountable made a massive difference! In fact, she became a life coach.

Courtney has been coaching clients to live a more joyful life since 2013.  Her life has changed tremendously.  She is very confident, has a healthy life style, owns her own business, travels to beautiful places, enjoys friendships, and owns a home.  Most importantly, she has been married for more than 10 years to the love of my life and they have 2 beautiful, healthy and happy kids.  She is a Toast Master and has recently participated in the division contest for humorous speeches.  She believes that the transformation that she has experienced in her own life is the source of her inspiration to pay it forward to others. Are you ready to experience your BEST life with Courtney Miller?

Guest, Courtney Miller

Guest Name
Courtney Miller
Guest Occupation
Life Coach
Guest Biography

Courtney Miller is a transformer. At age 32, she was morbidly obese (about 260 pounds), homeless, broke, and a single mom. She was drifting through life without direction and feeling pretty worthless most of the time. She didn’t know how to turn that around until she met a wonderful coach that got her started and encouraged her to dream and achieve. Having someone in her corner that held her accountable made a massive difference! In fact, she became a life coach.

Courtney has been coaching clients to live a more joyful life since 2013.  Her life has changed tremendously.  She is very confident, has a healthy life style, owns her own business, travels to beautiful places, enjoys friendships, and owns a home.  Most importantly, she has been married for more than 10 years to the love of my life and they have 2 beautiful, healthy and happy kids.  She is a Toast Master and has recently participated in the division contest for humorous speeches.  She believes that the transformation that she has experienced in her own life is the source of her inspiration to pay it forward to others. Are you ready to experience your BEST life with Courtney Miller?

Bringing Intimacy Back

Show Host

As we look around in this world today, it seems we are becoming more disconnected from one another, even though we have the technology to connect to more and more people than ever before. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy (in its many forms) is one of the top three reasons why relationships struggle and many times end.

Thus the Bringing Intimacy Back talk show is a show dedicated to inspire, enlighten, and encourage intimate connections. This show provides an engaging atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to enhance intimacy in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. The show will discuss intimate connections in many different forms, such as sex, communication, emotional, physical, health, and spiritual. In fact, research has shown that as we increase our intimate connection with ourselves, our Higher Power, and others.  It will help decrease the conflicts, anxiety, and depression in our lives.


Increasing intimacy for all has become Dr. April’s mission. The mission statement of the show is to provide an atmosphere to discuss and demonstrate ways to increase closeness in one’s personal relationships with significant others, families, friends, Higher Power, and oneself. Therefore, Dr. April started in February 2018 to host her own new Radio/TV Show Bringing Intimacy Back where she and other intimacy experts will provide resources and tips on increasing intimacy in all types of relationships. Audience members will be able to transform their relationships through relationship experts’ insights, useful and practical resources, role-playing, and audience participation. The show’s goal is to show its audience members that intimacy can be alive and real in the relationships we desired.

Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration other yet so far apart now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached one shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bringing intimacy back a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to www. Bringing intimacy back. Time to consider bringing intimacy back show where intimacy is real thank you guys so much for being a listening and hearing and I'm watching this online
for Honor podcast I really really do appreciate it on this show we aim to make intimate connection with your loved ones your significant other children Family Friends Business Network community and your higher power and of course yourself and today and bring intimacy back we give you the secret power to intimacy So today we're talking about today is self-interest that's self-love that stuff connection and today I'm so so happy to have a good friend and a wonderful job to this is what she does is it helping people
nuts with himself and she has a business called the best you coaching her name is Courtney Miller and Courtney I would love to walk muon as the guests for today self
thank you so much I'm really really grateful to be here I'm thrilled to be a part of this journey for you this is all so let me just tell you about a little bit about Courtney Courtney is what I consider a Transformer okay what I mean by that is that in her younger of course she looks a little bit younger she was struggling with her way to peace and just had a lot of issues financial aid relationships I'm a variety of different things was going on and I'll let her explain more about that she didn't know how to turn herself she was what we call sometime she does she got a life coach which is what she is now when courage her to dream and two cheese at the house goes into do something different and that completely change
in fact she was so inspired by it that in 2013 she decided to become a coach herself and she's been coaching clients and helping them become Transformers themselves and since then she's out of course lost Wade relationship is better she's married with two children going on vacation to living the life
Courtney welcome you came about to being a life coach yourself in a Transformer okay so I'm telling my story to give that I can but essentially in 2007 I was in a very very stuck space in my in my head I had had him what I felt was a fairly meeting. And
with great in our names and it was one of the first times in my life that I felt like I had really been achieving in it in my career as opposed to just being job to job however I had my daughter and I had mom guilt and I quit that wonderful job become a mom and and I've started taking part time work so by 2007 I definitely was battling with depression some of it was hormones of course of postpartum you know be on hormones when we get in our own head and we start doing that whole spiral if so so easy to buy into the stories of not being enough and I was definitely buying those stories at that point I was working part-time in a bingo home which was not an amazing career
it was fun. I did have a lot of fun. You could fight break out between elderly people but it was definitely not I knew that I was not on the path I need it today but I don't know how to change it that somebody had to be a copy of the movie The Secret switch over my eyes up a little bit and because I was starting to open up to the possibilities of how I can change and how I can how I could really access Divine guidance and support from my higher power at all of that to really feel on purpose and a Nonpoint again I started to work with a life coach which was one of those wonderful things where you your calves cross exactly when you're ready right when the student is ready the teacher appears
I'm in and I started working with her and she gave me some really wonderful tools which I still used and I now pass along to my clients but I use those two to get a deeper understanding of what what it is that really like me up because a lot of times we eat we get into the grind and we get into the like I pay the bills I got to pick up the kids I got to make dinner we're in that headspace and we forget to live remember that moment where it's twisting your head
Yes actually the I know the the moment when I kind of got that big of Kissimmee which was I was sitting in a in a seminar is before I even had met that specific life is but I'm sitting in the seminar and there was a gentleman speaking for the front of the room and he was a life coach wish I had never heard of before that moment in time being depressed and broke and divorced and all of these different things and I was writing and identifying with his story and it
as as he told his story not only did I see that he had transformed I started to get hope that I could transform and I could feel that there were other people in the room also you know how when when you're in a crowd of people and they're starting to get excited you can steal it it's possible it's making me feel that solutely and so two things happen for me at that point first of all it was the first time I ever took a real action to start changing my life I decided to to participate in his program which was not a one-on-one it was more about it like a workbook experience at that point in time was while he was speaking I had this lightning bolt that's what I want to do when I grow up I want to be standing at the front of the room telling people that they can have a better life and inspiring them so it became to get there yeah and I had some work to do from that point on cuz at that point I was I was
do you know broke and and dealing with some crummy relationships and all that kind of stuff at that moment in time is very pivotal and it was very easy for me to bring back the emotions of that specific moment in time because how often in our lives do we really get a clear clear flash like that so that it definitely stood out ya on the show here we talk a lot cuz it's called me and it's Missy back we talked about intimacy from you what exactly does that when you hear that word and today shows about self intimacy and self-love what does that mean to you Courtney
that is a great question so for me and my own definition I feel that self-acceptance
is a big part of self-love so no matter where you are in your life if you're not where you think you should be yet or if you're not accomplishing what you initially set out to accomplish or maybe you're you're just in that place where you're stuck part of the transformative process is acceptance where you are right now and who you are right now and who you are right now is a part of who you will be in the future so having some acceptance for okay well this is where I am right now
so what can I appreciate about where I am right now who I am right now and then how can I step forward into that
that's a better version of myself that I can see that is available to me so acceptance I think is a huge huge piece of self-love I would agree with you I think definitely you know if you're struggling and if you're stuck
putting yourself down calling yourself names saying this and that just makes you more stuff absolutely except where you are does it mean when you accept that you're going to be there forever right you know I think that's what some people think I'll accept this I'm even going to be here forever but that's not bright and and so another here's another great word for you in the the past is self intimacy and self-love in the word is surrender goes hand-in-hand with acceptance and I've had some very interesting conversations about this word specifically with my husband into the moment and really surrender kind of gets a bad rap we get this idea in her head that surrender means the sheet and it yes it does not necessarily mean defeat surrender means
stopping the fight when you absolutely so when you are fighting against when you're fighting against this is not where I want to be is not who I want to be this is not who I want to be with this is not the job I want to be in when we're in those places what we're fighting when we surrender it's okay with this is where I am
and this is why I know that this isn't where I'm going to stay because everything is temporary so giving into that idea of okay so just where I am right now but tomorrow am I not even 5 minutes that surrender is is not so much a a a defeat as it is and allowing of
if you're dropping that you do place and allowing that you're you're higher version of yourself to guide you know the toddler I want it and I want it now but when you surrender it comes to you whatever it is maybe it's a better relationship maybe it's growing your family made his whole career move whatever it is for you when you're in a space surrender and allowing and acceptance
you will many many many times get a solution or you'll get a result that is even better than what your ego have your in yeah yeah and I was just thinking when you're doing all that fighting you're using all that energy towards negativity yes yes so how's the render just
Alphablocks YouTube
take a break and Center. Energy toward more positive right right absolutely my head of the idea of like if somebody is flailing around in the water and a lifeguard is sent him to save that person and they are in a panic they have you stop panicking in order for that lifeguard to pull them out of the situation right and then sometimes it takes a lifeguard literally knocking them out
and that's what you do. That's why would my higher power icon my higher power God or the universe with my higher power and I'm trying to help you yes so one of the things that I do want to ask you I'm the best you terminology cuz that's an everything you do yes how did that come about and what does that mean to you that is a great question so that came about when I started looking at how I wanted to
El present what I do as everything but what is it that people can identify with where do they want to see changes so best is actually in Akron so it's a wonderful yeah it's a wonderful combination of things so best for me stands for balanced empowered and successfully transformed so for me the my journey and the reason why I even set foot on the path in the first place was because those were the things I wanted I wanted to show balanced I didn't want to feel like I was on the roller coaster all the time I wanted to feel empowered I wanted to feel confident I wanted to feel that sells Flats
and successfully transformed you know that could come in all kinds of shapes and sizes what transformation looks like it can be transforming from you know that space of self-hatred calling yourself a terrible name being a bully inside your head to your self transforming from that to being
a caregiver for yourself so that that's that's our best came from was really I just thought you know I love acronyms so being able to take those Concepts and and making them into a word like that with great and then of course the idea is I want to help my clients with my client possible to feel like they are the best version of themselves that they are showing up on a daily basis and genuinely being their best at giving their best and then also receiving the best looking to take a short break when we come back we're going to talk more about what you just mentioned being a caregiver it to yourself so that you can be the best you I mean that is fabulous so we're going to take a short break and then when I come back we're going to focus more on that bike there in a short break today but I really want to talk about is a new thing that I'm doing
vacation counseling if you're out there listening and you're in a relationship maybe and maybe you're struggling for a little bit and you sing I'm not sure we're struggling we don't know what we're doing but maybe having difficulties communicating the ladies one another will check out the website that I have called vacation counselor as a couple you guys come down to the southwest Florida Paradise enjoy a luxurious vacation rental fail at enjoy yourselves have play in the boat is pools there's jacuzzi applied for different things that you guys can do here and why you care we can provide Counseling Services as a Couple's Retreat you will get a relationship counselor a sex therapist which is myself and also some personal therapy to work on you and the relationship to help you guys become better successful we will also help provide
Kiewit Counseling Service once you leave the area if you're not here in Florida but if you're thinking about it just think about vacation counseling which is coming up this summer 2020 now that we're back so we were just talking about when you said to be the best caregiver yes yes and so one of the things that I wanted to talk about just starting from in the beginning what do you think self intimacy even actually start do you start I don't know 2550 Windsor
where should it start
oh gosh I think it should started it as early as possible I I'm very I'm very fortunate to have young kids when I am not especially young myself although I mean 45 and I have a 4 year old son and a 14 year old daughter okay so I have the opportunity with them to it almost have like a do-over right from my own experiences at as a Child and Adolescent my son
has experienced more of the cortical best version of me than my daughter has because that I have been in a much much better has baby from conception on with my son and my daughter of course came around she was born before I head that big Epiphany in 2007 so versions of her mom you know so with my son I see that he already is learning how to Express gratitude on a daily basis and how he can
celebrate his victories and he's allowed to celebrate his victory as opposed to say don't shoot your own horn you know I'm not teaching him that lesson great so I think that's the beginning but if you're listening to this or watching this and you're not four years old and you feel like you're not in a space to self intimacy there are I think some stains where you can start to
have a love affair with yourself
and I was on the phone recently with somebody who was as we were speaking and she's just a friend she's not a client but as she was speaking she was she was by herself
he was in that headspace where she was just you know I just this and that and I'm right and I'm neurotic about right and I said why don't you start writing Love Letters to yourself she said about yourself what you love about yourself because she is also in a situation where she does not have a romantic relationship and really really wants one you're not going to have a house be wonderful. Elaine relationship with anybody else until you start loving yourself absolutely love this idea I want to start doing this right away so I think that's a great place to start is appreciation for yourself there's a great exercise
that I run through with my client wishes to have them sit and write down five things that they love about their body which some of us struggle with that you love that you have accomplished in celebrating your accomplishments is sometimes it again were in that has basically been taught don't shoot your own horse and yes failure door really hard to express love yourself if you're so busy criticism
so when you turned take that step back and look at what you know what I have done this and I am proud that this is a good thing and we really start taking stock of that you start to go to buy person to hang out with me for a minute and I definitely agree with you that it does. Into childhood as parents out there that's really important to encourage that self love for you children and having them here compliments but haven't been feeling it's okay to get a compliment and also having them say you know it's okay to say hey I did get this great thing and that starts early on and so I think that it's just really really great the other thing that you were mentioning cuz we've been talking about self intimacy and stuff and so some people may say well
you know if I don't have it and I know I said earlier that self that negative self-talk when you
think negatively of yourself and you also just even mention when you think negatively of your body and you criticize yourself and stuff are there any other things that you think someone is in truly loving himself how they can tell that they're not
in the past that
you know people around us are wonderful mirrors that is a great place if you are not sure of what your relationship with yourself looks like take a look at what is being reflected back to you
you know if you have children they sometimes are brutally honest right and no they they will point out to you you'll see it because you'll hear them say something out loud they got so stupid and go get the where did they learn that probably from me right if you are maybe you have co-workers that continuously show disrespect to you
probably because you're not showing respect for yourself
because when you're not showing respect and love to yourself you basically give others permission to do the same
so the people around us are great mirrors if you're not sure of what your relationship with yourself is like but then again going back to that idea of what can you name about yourself right now that you can appreciate it takes you an hour to write down five things that might be a clue but it's very very a very simple Mission overcomplicate things but this is very simple it can be as simple as when you see or reflection of yourself do you think my hair is gone flat again or do you go phone every day at the same time that the alarm actually cuz on my phone I can name an alarm so I have an alarm that goes off every day at at about 3:50 or something like that that says
I'm sexy and energized it's a fun little affirmation that I give myself everyday and it goes off and sometimes I see it and get us the most the time it just makes me smile. Simon stronger strong believer in and having affirmation and affirmations for audience members out there it's saying I am the positive things sometimes you're able to figure it out sometimes it's may be best if you have a higher power to pray about it but you should have positive I am since I've done with my affirmations ice recorded them so I can hear it in my own voice and specially on days and I'm like I'm like what am I doing yeah yeah yeah yeah sometimes people are they love to do a lot for other people but they have a hard time doing stuff for themselves
they see it as being selfish or whatever the case maybe yeah and you know what on that same train of thought it again going back to you how do you diagnose how do you self-diagnose you're not having a love affair with yourself pay attention to your I am statements you know what kind of things do you say I am whatever you say after I am you own
whatever you say after I am you own us when we come back we're going to talk about whatever you say after the I am and also maybe when is the time to get help or get a coach you know so it looks like he would like Courtney to tell us a little bit about what she does and how we can meet you or thank you okay so I work with clients both one-on-one and in Workshop in group settings I will have an online course available in 2020 is not up and running yet but it will be and basically what I do is I help my clients identify with their limiting stories are and I helped him a ride it and I do that true one on one coaching I do that through specific exercises and I do that with again in couraging them
to be in that space itself love and gratitude now people can find me through my website and sign up for email if they'll get invitations upcoming workshops that way and that's best you I'm also on social media of course I'm on Facebook want to find me there at Facebook best you cooking now I am on Instagram with cook Courtney 75 but I would love to just have a conversation with anybody who is not sure if they need a coach cuz you may not you know and maybe you do and maybe I'm not the coach for you but that's okay the idea is start searching if you are feeling like you are living a life that is a little less
if you are not experiencing Joy on a daily basis you can and it is very easy but you have to take action it won't just fall into your lap and that's where coach can be very helpful because I heard somebody use this analogy the other day and I love it you cannot read the ingredients list from inside the jar sometimes you need somebody standing outside yourself to say you know what this is where you're stumbling right how you see it cuz I'm standing over here you know so that is what I can offer to people are the church is to give them a change of perspective and then give them some specific exercises schools homework and conversations to really start genuinely implementing changes in the life
thank you so much I'm so happy that there's people out there like you are helping people you know to go and to achieve better for themselves so when question is sometimes and it also comes up in therapy is that what people say well I have a spouse or best friend or someone else my supervisor pumps me up why do I need a coach because I have friends and they do a mother yep so why would you want to come out as opposed to a manager or your best friend ingredients inside the jar sometime or sometimes you might have that breast best friend that no matter what you say it like you walk on water right and no matter what you say
I'll be okay I'm not the first everything's going to be okay but I will say you know we can take steps together and make it okay and we can look at how you know this one thing that happened over here that at first blush feels like a a tragedy or or incredibly uncomfortable moment or whatever let's take a look at that again and see where the transformation isn't that because there is there always is really taken a good look at it so having a versus a close friend or manager you're going to have somebody who is a little bit more removed and a little bit more objective than your friends or your family or somebody who has an emotional state in what comes out of their mouth a little bit more like you know if your husband is your coach there may be some some rough times ahead
people sometimes say if that even in the sense of and you know I has a mom as an entrepreneur working and stuff it's just you so busy doing ask wifey I don't even have time to take care of myself why should I cuz I got to do this is this is going to have dinner on the table I got to do this I going to ask and take care of myself and not fur coats some kind of fall apart Okay so
there is a theory answers to that first of all if you're not taking care of yourself who is and if you're not taking care of yourself how the heck you taken care of anybody else genuinely taking care of somebody else so you can't fully 100% show up for anybody or anything in your life if you're not a hundred percent showing up for yourself you cannot give from an empty cup so if you are running yourself ragged and you quote unquote don't have time to take care of yourself and guess what pretty soon you will have a wake-up call and you will be forced to take care of yourself maybe it's a heart attack and get the car accident you know maybe it's something else that literally takes you out of action so that you are forced to take care of yourself and you know it for some people that's how far they have to go before they realize they've been they need to do it but why not save yourself a lot
and again get to that point of surrender to go you know what I do want to have a better Experience day today and doesn't mean that you don't still have things happen when you're working the couch and you have a different Outlook you are just going to be much more resilient and when you're taking care of yourself it's amazing
how other things start taking care of themselves at the gym is that reflection right if you're taking care of yourself all those things like oh I have to do this unless you're really putting yourself on your priority list you also learn to start asking for help and not just you know it it's just like hey babe I know you're going to be driving right past where can I get you to pick up the dry cleaning I've got to get home and get dinner started you know it's a really simple thing but a lot of time to take care of myself you are probably not delegated or anything because your ego says everything or just not true you are seriously not that gullible just now that I want to expand on
is showing up yes okay what exactly cuz someone's likes showing up on my ways everywhere but are they really everywhere so
what does throwing up look like absolutely possible to be having a conversation with somebody and doing the grocery shopping in your head all done that so when you are present that means you are you are right here you are in the moment your 100% engaged you are hearing those two things that the person who you're speaking with his is actually stay in your hearing what you are saying you know when you're a hundred percent present so you know a lot of people get into these like adrenaline Sports and everything the reason they do that is because it forces you to be present cuz if you are climbing a rock face and you're thinking about the groceries you're going to die
so Wing but here's the thing you don't have to necessarily be an adrenaline junkie present if that's just one of the ways that you can snap yourself into to be a hundred percent there but you know when you're showing up for people when you are keeping promises to yourself and you can then also be relied upon by other people so if you've been promising yourself for 10 years now I'm going to take off that 20 lb I'm going to this year's this is the year I'm going to do it I'm going to do it and then next year we're right back here and now it's 25 and you broke that promise to yourself who can rely on you if you can't even rely on you
that is powerful and like you said before who's looking after you if you're not looking after you exactly yes yes yes yes so I think that into stuff and so part of one of the words that you've been saying I think you probably have said it 20 times the Bursa I do not like sitting still in Factory an illness at a sinus infection that yes which was super fun but you know basically it forced me to sit down and shut up person sometimes the action needs to be in action write some of the action as you just need to sit still for a minute you need to allow yourself to rest and rejuvenate but we are
we are typically Bodies in Motion right and if we are just thinking about changes or mowing things are Uber or in our own had typically when we're just in our own head we don't see results we need to sometimes physically do something and the physically doing something something as simple as taking up a pen and a piece of paper and journaling that action can be incredibly powerful
when you change your actions you can change your results if you're doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result that's the definition of so that's why if you want a different result you got something you know you got to back up a few steps what is it that you need to be doing differently there is a an action that you can be taking different reaction is that you raise your hand and say I honestly cannot remember all the tests that on my plate today I need someone to take on these three things sometimes the action is like I said actually allowing yourself some time for quiet
ACNL with your with your higher power I do that every morning every morning maybe it's at the action that you need to take this little bit different as night we need to move your body just a little bit more because it helps digestion and before you know it you've got nice endorphins that are running and it don't even I didn't do that you didn't do it yesterday today you did it ended what's the result if you feel better though so if when you have a plan of action there's just something very empowering about that because you now feel like okay now I know what to do right now I have the next step is usually when we are sitting around and around head and we don't know what the next step is that so yes and I'm glad that you mention just
just now a general inviting down yes yes because like you said when you're in your own head it's the container in here that can get so overwhelming yes yes yes and if we just keep it in here and don't let it out whether it's through riding mother's to working out you know or through getting help which is really really important yeah so I'm glad you mentioned that the other thing that you mention
it is sometimes like you said and you need to ask people think like a my gosh if you if I R Us the world's going to come down or if I must I do you know a lazy bum or whatever and I remind them that even now greatest prophets on to time to ask cuz we have human body is having a human experience Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeahs 100% And and this thing with that with the the resting III one of the things that I teach is the four pillars of of health and that is
Lewis men's nutrition sleep
and meditation because you have to have down time you have to if you don't then if you don't do a brain dump occasionally you get to that that overwhelmed right and I and if you don't take that quiet space you don't it's so simple I can be 10 minutes a day 5 minutes I'm just taking that quiet space amazing answers will come to you you'll get ideas to get inspiration that just happened because you are sitting still a tight and it's hard to do right there many days will I have a lot of people who practice I'm just another Bozo on the bus here but
but there I've also had incredible experiences with meditation where I have had amazing inspiration and 100% were to take those few minutes you know and allow the space right I'm one of the other words that she mentioned was resilient. And I'm as I'm thinking and I'm thinking Some people listening in there saying well I start to love myself and my life is always going to be perfect for you
yes and it's so of course life isn't perfect but what happens is you learn tools yes yes yes to be resilient can you explain how you know what that word means to you in in reference and what you do
I am a big fan of brene brown and she talks about resilience quite a bit shame resilience cuz she is a shame and vulnerability researcher one of the things that she talks about now she calls it that she studies whole hearted people that's what she calls him so hard it and when she's using that term what she's what she was referring to is somebody who is present in their life who is experiencing gratitude on a daily basis to his really you know part of their of their family who can be relied upon all that type of stuff she in all of the studies she is finding that these people who were quote-unquote whole hard and also their very resilient painful happens on day experience the pain that they don't live in it you know what they have something like a death in the family
which is it normal to grieve for its not to experience the sadness of the anger and it's okay to pass through that
so by Brazilians what I'm saying is you have the ability to pass through that phase as opposed to staying mired in it when you're mired in it and cannot see the other side
you aren't your little you're in a swamp you're in a swamp is a terrible place your stuff starts rotting when you're mired down in those emotions but if you can you are resilient you recognize that this too shall pass right everything is temporary The Joy can be temporary the Gratitude can feel temporary the anger in the the resentment and the depression are also temporary if you are working on some specific things you can become you can build up your immune system so to State your emotional immune system right to these things and definitely even as you were you talking about the four pillars but building up your emotion
hopes on all levels of help yeah how often I've experienced that you were you have something a
emotional trauma of some sort happened and then two weeks later we're sick your body is a is a very wonderful delicate balance system and it's amazing how much that emotion can impact all of the systems and of course cortisol which is is it has its place you know it doesn't keep you alive but if you are living in a place of your stressed out all the time when you're depressed all the time your cortisol is running Riot and you will gain weight in just didn't know how to exercise the amount of food you will gain weight if you are stressed stressed stressed or stress because your cortisol levels aren't letting your body and it'll do the same thing to your immune system
get out there's all kinds of awful things we can do to herself just there's a yes and so on the flip side like you said the great things here we've been talking about self intimacy and stuff and now we're on the third part of what are some tools for audience out there that are listening and they want to increase that self love that stuff intimacy within themselves what is some absolutely am I wrote These out in advance so I wouldn't forget anything good for you dear listeners so here's some ideas for you first of all if you want to start a sense of self love I would definitely recommend sitting down and doing that exercise I was talking about before pen and paper don't do it on the computer please
how many times I have heard and I couldn't tell you the exact study off the top of my head but they ain't even done scientific studies about this pen to paper there's something about that physicality and something about how our brain functions that when you actually physically put pen-to-paper that's just six far more in your subconscious then if you were to type something out there cuz you actually feel the word that you're making yeah you do you do that you love about your body right now not your body 20 years ago right now what do you love about your body I I am blessed with a great smile I love my smile I have a great smile as I can about admitting that I love my smile
so those aren't types of things that you can do in any don't have to share this list with anybody else so don't get you know embarrassed about writing down that maybe you should give it to you but what I was thinking that's exactly maybe it's something as simple as I appreciate that my hands were so that I can hold a pen and write some people can't see you because we do get kind of caught up in that whole crazy body and its thing and then the next thing would be to write down five things that you accomplishments that you're proud of places where you have crossed the finish line and I've had people when I've done this exercise with client I've had people say everything from like I'm proud of my kids I'm proud that I raised kids who are functioning adults in the world
route doing good in the world so don't don't don't put too many boundaries around what you consider an accomplishment and accomplishment might be I got out of bed this morning and I didn't tell anybody worried there another thing that you can do and this one is really hard again it's going back to that exception and humility
thank you when somebody gives you a compliment
just that just thank you not owe you look great to thank you and it allow yourself to receive the complement there's something that happens if little bit transformative in that just that allow yourself to just received the compliment don't say oh this old thing you know it's a Goodwill for 2 bucks
thank you that's beautiful thank you thank you and received receiving
compliments that's a great way to start also when somebody gives you a compliment Center still give you 10
I'm working myself that way I had a really odd, but he said that I have a beautiful. You know that you can do is using that little trick with the informations on your phone start setting up a little love notes to yourself on your phone to three times a day at times when you know you'll be able to pick up your phone when it's not going to interrupt the meeting with the boss or whatever and you can see that little thing that you're saying to yourself like I am sexy and energized or I have one that said also goes off that says I love that I get to be me
start start putting up that filter on what comes after I am and you know I am grateful that the great sentence I am I am 100% in love these types of think those are things they want to own you don't want to own I am we don't want to own I am not enough right now start owning some good stuff for yourself and pay attention to what you're saying after those beautiful words I am thank you so much my wonderful tips that I can even I know I have to get better to say thank you but yes
we can try it right now you ready opportunity trip to be in dr. Brown's office puts out chocolate for her gas so thank you for making my daughter feel comfortable in your office it's been a pleasure to have you on sale today your
about the sunshine you know if you guys are out there listening and you want to connect with her one of the best ways is going to a website at ww.w mess you said you can find you on Instagram at court coach Courtney 75 is that your Instagram Direct Courtney 75 yes and on Facebook at best you coaching now yes yes thank you so much for being on the show Courtney I really do appreciate it everyone out there listening thank you for listening on the shell today on check us out on bringing intimacy back on Facebook and I will see you guys the next time
thanks thank you

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