hi it's Nicole Brandon and welcome to passionate living we have such a special show for you today as the world right now our hearts are open and there is so much care it's a perfect time to talk about love there's a perfect time to talk about the quality of life and the bridge from this world to the world Beyond and today's guest is going to talk about something extraordinary and something that we usually back away from and shy away from something that's very fragile and tender to all of us which is the process of death and dying and how in the light of that we can honor that we can offer joy to that we can offer. Care to that and a new paradigm for really be
able to live life to its fullest and celebrate death as well and so today we're talking about Shelly wasn't and Shelly thank you for being with us today this is I think one of the most important subjects that anybody can talk about it any age
absolutely and thank you so much Michael for having me but I'm very passionate about talking about the stuff again I know it's challenging for many people and my sense is when we look at life through the lens of death and dying and we actually value our life and living even more
it's so beautiful you know what to talk about it that way and why do you think
people are afraid to talk about even to create a will even to be able to talk to their spouse or their mate are their children it's almost like a taboo subject but yet each and every person on this planet
has a doorway open and a doorway in which they leave and it's a subject is just not disgusting I really don't understand why
you know it's interesting I think it's built into our particular society I know that other societies they don't have as much charge around it as we do and other cultures throughout the world they actually Revere the whole process of life and death and Revere the people who are living in Revere the people who are dying and they treat their dying people very differently than we do in a lot of respect and I think that's my sense is that work because of the unknown we don't know what it is so and it's an end to something that we think is is final and because we're Square in a body and because we're in this physical body wrapping my arm right now and I feel something push up against my hand when I tap I can feel something there if you if you tap the air there's nothing coming back
picture was so unknown that that were afraid when they have animals that die so they have an opportunity to talk to children that when they're little doggy died or something of that nature than they start to kind of get in touch with them when you stink and you treated as a forbidden subject we're kind of think it's not okay to talk about that is horrible and look I am not saying it's not horrible when we lose somebody that we love because love is the strongest emotion we could possibly have that gives us a sense of well-being love we are capable of love so deeply that when we lose somebody at Hertz
deeply we think we're never going to get over it but that's the flip side of that is that we have the ability to love that kind of mixed and complicated and it's certainly not cocktail conversation although I would like to make it part of our everyday conversation so that the point about looking at life from that land is that when we're afraid of death or anything for that matter it doesn't matter what we're afraid that we'll just walking around with a spear and my my contention is that if we just talked about it a pressure cooker and we don't feel the fear so much and then we can prepare for a different way of looking at that experience that makes sense
absolutely and I'm so glad that you talk about love I was watching The Late Show Stephen Colbert as video where he was saying that to love that love is a verb yes love means to do something right because we loved someone to do something for them them to care to nurture to guide the most natural thing in the world
to me that's what it's all about
there is nothing else other than love that will bring us the greatest joy that will bring us the greatest of that will bring us the greatest love love love I love this idea of love being able to talk about love it's I mean I really believe that that's the answer and being able to share and being able to give yeah I'm kind of people seeing your language you know it's a state of being it's an all-encompassing way of existing when we look in real life
whiskey Eyes Of Love we look at life very differently than with the eyes of resentment or anger or bitterness or regret or judgment all of those words what do they make us feel like they don't make us feel very good they make us feel bad when he walks in with fearful of what's coming at us then we even look at death as something coming at us not a natural part of our creation we were created that way it's not an app for Melody
does bacon cause of death
custom Jesse's wife
we are created that way or created with both thighs is but a breath away one breath one finding Lil breath
determined life on what we call death who is to say that we're not forcing a new life at 10
who's to say
when is it we talk about love so I wanted to you know I know that part of the process in which you worked and your teaching and your guidance in your workshops and I want to get into all of that is being there for somebody and
as we talk about love you know when we're born we don't come in by ourselves when we leave or when we're being born into this new world having assistants are having someone there for you and to be there with you instead of being alone can we talk about that process a little absolutely so
I want to relate it to a story which actually brought me into this field and it was a story of a friend of mine who was dying of Leukemia and she asked me to move into her home with her husband and her son and they did not have her before she died
and all I can never been exposed to anybody he was dying in that way and I had five had training with Shaman and blue with kwami's in India with all of that conscious dying I I've I've gone to a lot of praying that I didn't really understand why I was cheated into that kind of training but that I would swap into her house and her beautiful home in Beverly Hills and great that Sumptuous beautiful delicious guide home great help them navigate to
what I learned in that is that people can prepare for such a journey when they make it intentional and they bring the sacred into the journey and they bring honor and dignity and regard into the journey embraced by love and Compass by love and and twinkle twinkle with ease and Grace and healing when we look at life and every experience infused with a healing then the feeling of love can exist all the time all the way through to the end of life and that's exactly what happened when her body was and I said to the housekeeper get a bucket of soapy water and sent out so I'm going to clean her up she's not going out this way I felt like him then what
we have a people around us whether it's a midwife whether it's a doctor and nurse it doesn't make any difference people assist us now if you went to Asia or Africa sometimes they're just in the fields they give birth to put the baby on their back and they continued worksheet I mean every culture has something different but when we here in North America then we have a team of people around us we have a midwife even though birth of that trial Spirit here waiting patiently for the spirit to come through that body and take its first breath
what do the stadium at the end of life that's when I realized I was a midwife just on the opposite side of the spectrum that I was waiting patiently holding that Spirit to go out and maybe into something else but we don't know about that something else necessarily that's not the point the point is that we hold the space for that Spirit to go out on her regarding dignity just as we do holding a space for that Spirit to come in it's no different created that way why not honor the last days of someone's life in the way we honor the first days
that makes sense I just want to love and she shared a little bit about what that looks like. Really there's nothing more medically that they can do to save one's life then or extend one's life and the person and the doctor feel you know then they want comfort care it's like there's a couple of things called palliative care which is comfort care it's not secure
Comfort is to make the those days those months and sometimes with the funny thing is that all and they're put in hospice and you see the first three letters are there are the same Hospital hospice it comes from a word in the English language mid-century England I thought I looked at up for a minute but if it's both it's like you know when you go to a hospital if it's an end its to invite people in it so it's a place to go to need to live to be and hospice what is the way to embrace the guess but an end their host at the same time so if they come in hospice is the most incredible
that was really made invented that you stay I'm in England and was brought over here in 1977 in Connecticut I believe it started but it is there a team of people it makes it patient-centered care when you have a team of people have a social worker sure you have the nurse you have a nurse's aide you have a chaplain you have all these people caring for one person very different in a hospital where you have the the doctors and taking care of this medication and they're there taking care of the different parts of the person Hospital takes care of the whole person the whole person and
is there a patient center and it's a beautiful beautiful think they will take care of medication for pain control they take care of washing once you know I'm not saying 24/7 caregiver support and provide care for the persons in the last stages of an incurable disease so that they can live happily and comfortably as possible they recognized as dying as a normal process whether or not it results from the disease it doesn't hasten it doesn't postpone there it just to appropriate chair in the promotion of caring Community which is sensitive to the needs of the patient enough families hospital really
but their mandate is to stay like in fact I think it's 75% of all our medical costs go to the end of life to prolong life with doctors do they prolong life and God bless them where maybe that is hurting that person and not helping them any longer if they're going to exist on a life support for six more months what is that quality of life beautiful description and of hospice and explanation and I so appreciate that and I know that we're jumping to a break and we come back I love to talk about your work and your workshops and you really created this incredible for on and space for people to be in their hearts
and to learn and to erase fears and barriers and walls and be able to step into joy and love and light in a brand-new way so more I'm passionate living with Shelly was in when we returned here
text Nicole Brandon we are back on passionate living with Shelly wasn't talking about death and dying life bridging gabbing opening your heart and right before the break we were talking about hospice care and what that means because I think it's that new word for a lot of people and a new choice for those of you that I don't even realize that you have an option of being able to really as Shelley the same be invited in to a comfort care
I can talk from my own experience I had I was with my friend who did not have off this that was about 9 years ago and luckily they had the money and the wherewithal to have housekeeper so the housekeepers being out and everything and then I have since that time been experienced with using Hospice Services in in various situation and I just want to say they are a life-saving not only for the person who is dying but I really want to answer this is a support system for this family and the friends and boy do we need it at that particular time sometimes and we're just not equipped non-medical people who know how to deal with something and they are just a phone call away and then they'll tell you exactly what to do and how to handle it and they'll send somebody over
don't feel alone not only and you talked about that Nicole about the end of life not feeling alone and having a team of people at the beginning and and it's important to have a team of people we we want to know that we met her at the end of life I think that's a really important factor and having a hospice pain which by the way I looked it up on the brakes because I wanted to make sure I was getting accurate information and it's really derived from the Latin word tests which actually needs both host and guest which is what I was saying because the Duality suggested the people involved in hospice work see themselves not only his teachers but also a student of the dying and the bereaved we learn so much from somebody who has earned more than you can possibly imagine when we open our hearts to doubt it. And
and they actually have medical director patient's primary care physician nurses social home health aide volunteers what is focused on the volunteer part because that is a very important part in hospice a third of their staff has to be volunteering to take this lightly third of their staff has to be one of these volunteer to do they take the family members have been sitting with them for so long they need a break I need to go shopping a volunteer will come over and take that play in step with that person for that other person can feel like a person and not just a caregiver is a very important
care of ourselves as caregivers sometimes you don't know how to do that and sometimes we don't reach out for help and sometimes we don't have hospice because there's a stigma attached to it and that's my first experience it at that time off that is big, but this is really been around in England and most of them are home because most people want to die at home at least they say they do but here's another illustration the people say they want to die at home and 70% die in a hospital
so our sister needs to shift a little bit and there's different kinds of models for all of that but one of the things I wanted in my last experience I had another friend who is passing away and we did have hospice and Nicole you were there they were amazing
they stepped in when we cannot step do they step in to allow us to hold the face for that honor and that dignity in that experience to be the most beautiful experience in our friend Tony when she passed away I mean she was all about bringing out she has an attitude she was a brilliant acting teacher and performer and she believed in bringing out the humanity and people and that's what the end of life if we allow it and if we can learn how is most people aren't when somebody is dying in their life they don't know how to behave they don't know what to say that I don't know what you do that's reached out
and rightfully so because of the way that our society is different phone we don't even want to talk about the issue when we allow the issue to be part of our life and not separate from my life and something was doing wrong
oh my God then we allow for the beauty of that experience to be okay
that's a whole nother conversation how we don't allow dying to be okay we make it wrong we're all going to make it wrong to think we make it wrong and the fact that we don't talk about it or we make it wrong on the site there's a shame attached to dying we are there's a shame attached to die in our society you know why because when somebody is sick somebody says about them all they weren't strong enough to fight it
Dave how many times have you heard somebody gave up
what is that mean that means they were weak that means they didn't do something right even just pick in the first place we make their shame attached to sickness when we get sick what comes up we don't want to be a burden we don't want to be dependent we don't want to lose our independent something is wrong with that
what the hell we're all going all right and that's another issue humor will maintain a sense of humor
all the way through to the end of life why can't we have a sense of humor. We're growth being were in a physical growth dead body
do a lot of things that grows us out
we should excuse the expression we we we don't want anything to do with that judgment on that what happens when when we get to a place when we at the end of our life and we need to wear a diaper
you know what it feels like to have somebody else wipe your tushy
allbanaadir shot in hell that is dying is the great equalizer
I don't care if you're president of the United States that you're a janitor it doesn't make any difference who you are somebody at the end of our life is going to wipe our source if we can't do it
that brings up Sheen but look what do we do with the beginning of April when we looked at it it went in and it came out
the miracle of that
if we would Barbie end-of-life the birth of life
Bonnie goes to a labor it has to break down it's been living for x amount of years whatever that x amount of years is it needs to break down people think if they don't or they don't drink that we're starving them we are starving them to death why don't you give them something to eat why don't you give them something to drink the Curious part is that the body doesn't want it anymore so it can do its job
I know I don't know about you but if I eat really late at night I can't sleep
because the body's confused what do you want me to do you want me to work and digest your food and you want me to sleep I can't do both at the same time
it's the same one dying
somebody is doing a job and sometimes it's like a woman going through labor it takes time to break the body down
it takes time to an organ to shut down after it's been working for so long
do you allow for that you hold the space for that with the highest regard and you cheerleader
good job you're doing a good job
I love this is such a beautiful subject and I love the way that you're sharing and I know that we're jumping to a break and just a minute and when we come back I think I'd love to talk about your workshops and your work and how you help people because I think that all of those that are out there listening right now that each and every person can benefit from your work and benefit from learning how to deal with death and dying how to be able to be present how to be able to not be afraid how to be able to be Brave and Bold and keep your sense of humor and keep your lightness and keep the joy and the music in your heart and the appreciation for that long and as you're saying being able to be a cheerleader on the sidelines for that person as we're going through this process and everything that they do and the work that you're doing is so magnificent and the fact that
you are such a genuine gift to be able to take your heart and your spirit and your soul in your time to teach people and guide people and share with people away and which they can face death and step into death and be there in that Circle and up for Amana brand new way so more when Shelly was in when we return here and passionate living
it's Nicole Brandon we are back on track not living with Shelly is in talking about the art of death and dying and it really is an art it really is something that's so extraordinary and so beautiful and I love the way that you're talkin about being there and their cheerleading in this support and the beauty and the grace and is there a way I mean really simple things that people could do other that's candles or music or tap dancing around the house. Because bring ritual into everything that you do intentional Richelieu can intentional eyes and ritualized anything and the and the beauty of that is that he bring a sense of Nene
experience every time you do it so lighting a candle but light a candle when somebody's on oxygen but what you can do is his hearing is the last sense to go you can play music you can tell stories you can sing the song There's a group of people that I know they do something called sake would singing but they come around and they sing these beautiful songs that sound very Angelic and here's the thing about death and dying. Do you want to talk to people while they're about a dream
at the end of their life what music resonates with their heart sometimes that was his favorite music ok and I had memories with my dad when I was five he taught me how to Jitterbug so whenever I hear or when I start to look for my dad where is my dad and I want to do the Jitterbug with him now at the end of his life he had dementia I decided any self very unimportant and he felt a failure I did some things with my dad so that my goal was so that when he went out he would feel blessed and that his life was full and that even matter that he missed something that his life and then something that it made a difference in our life he felt like a failure as a father
and and and he had dementia so he wasn't all there is what I want to say but what I also want to say is I made a video of his life I put photographs and a montage like you know when we do usually after somebody dies but I decided to make one while he was living and put it with various different kinds of music and I showed in that video over and over and over and when in the mood came on
so he got to dance with me towards the end of his life while he was dying
they're not they're still living we need to sweep them as Lindsey human beings with that their lives matter that they beautiful so and then and when we did everything we could and I are treated the whole experience of the healing with my dad and he was a pretty funny guy he was very funny I'm going to tell you a very weird funny story
when he was still in the hospital before they said that they couldn't do that there was nothing they could do because he had a bone spur that was in his throat and couldn't swallow any longer and they said that they needed to take the CD you know they had to put him on speeding to because he couldn't eat but because he is so they said love you can either let nature take its course or we can just keep them and we said no we're going to let nature take its course he was unconscious and they had to sedate him
they took this tube out and he said to me after he woke up he said he had to mention I went wow dad know I can't believe that doesn't work well I got to tell you we laughed so hard we have it on film I mean all the way all the way to the end so there's no reason not to maintain a sense of humor there is not a reason to not play music for them with my first friend who passed away I not only made a mix of beautiful music but I did guided visualizations with her so she could practice
and it was beautiful like this over and over and over so in that moment when she went she see the piece that she was feeling like what else matters and do it now live your life willing now because life is just a breath away and that's what I do I teach people how to do that I teach people how to live a life coach and a death midline which means I will sit with you all the way to the end of your life and Beyond and create a home funeral if that's something that you want that something very new in our society and I want to thank my very dear friend Olivia Barum who has a company called stakely Crossing
and she creates these most magnificent home funeral and she has an Institute where you can be certified as a definite even remotely interested and if it doesn't interest everybody but you'd be surprised what people are stepping up in the fire to find out what it is she has horses that are Exquisite I teach a course to the Twilight Brigade which is a nonprofit organization volunteer veterans or dying and I love and I love to be coming up and it's based at the West LA v.a. and it's off August is that can I say it
it's August 21st August 19th through the 21st and it's at the VA and it's an Exquisite immersion diving in to the whole notion of death and dying there's experiences there exercises its information also it's left brain right brain and believe me when I tell you that the people who first come in the class ready to have your life changed because your life will be altered forever and I do not mean that lightly and it sounds cliche Beasley when I tell him it is not a member that's dying or they're dying or is this for anybody that wants to burn face
the qualifying factor is if you breathe
if you're breathing you come because it's going to happen to everyone you know they say don't reach out to everyone because I knew reach out to no one but come on on dying death and dying on the equalizing doctors they equalize the Plainfield we're all going to be on that same playing field one day what different ways has we have 16 year old kids with their parents
16 years old
I say alleviate it now why wait till the end when you're off it's too late never too late I don't mean that it's never too late but when you're dying yourself when you have somebody that's right at the car if you want to be prepared for that so that you could hold that for that person. Or yourself for that matter I mean there are no latitude of booked out there and I'm and I'm definitely going to be one of the writers of those books with I'm working on right now and I'm working on that website it's not up and running yet but I have some Partners who totally believe in this concept and when it when it really put it out on a global level and cultures different country is submit articles to submit writing system that your spot what what you do in your culture I'm so curious to know what you doing
how do you treat me how do you treat a dead once they're dead do you get them up in a body bag or do you do a home funeral do you do you bathe the body do you order the body do you anoint the body do you dress the body and do you stick with the body for 3 days as a holding space with a spirit to leave
in the Jewish tradition they had something called where for 24 hours after some people believe it's dreary day
you can have the party this is a misnomer is not knowing that you can actually have a body at home for three days or more on dry ice and that nothing will be composed do not have to embalm the body which I know is I want this thing stealing until
until I had the moment where I actually witnessed someone last breath
that moment is such a profound gift I can't even explain it
and for those of you that's another thing I want to hear about I want to have sex with thank you for offering it up to people and I know that we're jumping to break in just a minute for people that want to tell you about that last story or want to be part of this work and volunteer or become hospice workers or take the Brigade class or even the coach with you as a life coach cross is death what's the best way for people to find you in to reach out to find you work
here's what I would say for now I would say go to go to hear I'm going to give a gift to everybody part of living in the house to do with the wife part of justify go to school diving with joy. Calm and you will be able to download ebook that I wrote called gold diving Joy the three fundamental to be conscious that I know that I need to change the title as we go along but for right now that's the name of the evil and what it does is it really talks about how do we become a human being and so if you go there and then I'll give you my email Shelley Shelley at Soul diving Institute
dot-com you can email me ask me any question give me any scenario I'm happy to answer free consultation for anybody who inquired about this and then I can tell you all about coaching programs and Stony to Willie stepping into his wife
days on November 7th
but it won't be because
back on passionate living with Shelly was in talking about death and dying and life and the glory and beauty and Grace and cheerleading and support music and laughter and love and all of those things that we called Lo-Fi as a glorious life and part of that life is also death and this is such a fabulous subject and I so appreciate you be today thank you it's such a gift and right before the break we were talking about going to your website and being able to you know you all for this incredible gift we talked about the Light Brigade a workshop is coming up in August and that's here in California and Southern California with people listening to the show from around the world and so for people that are not
able to get on the concrete and fly into Los Angeles in August that want to work with you what's the best way I mean do you work on Skype if somebody lives in France and subjection
yes I work on Skype I work on the phone I work with people all over the place and it's very impactful and effective and I like looking at each other and it feels like we're even on the phone you know he is a very it is is a is a skill that you can allow them to be intimate with someone so you can go see I can't think of anything I don't know a little bit because once we love that part of ourselves it's like loving ourselves because once we put it at day we don't want to talk about it there's a huge part of ourselves
and then we're not in alignment with our stolen are being entirely if we don't embrace all those parts of our stuff including that very night I just learned about her interview with Marianne Williamson she just wrote a new book called tears to Triumph talking about how we can learn so much from the death of our feelings as human beings then and talks about grieving and bereavement and all of that and we all are going to experience that at one time or another so let's learn how to navigate that whole thing with as much grace as possible only in joyfully with humor and and and adding a sacred to the death and dying experience then and because when we show up with honor when we bring those to the table
it doesn't matter what we're doing we could be washing a window if we're washing a window with honor and dignity of regard but if we have to do it an hourly showing up it's the same with everything that we do and Olivia's work and I know I teach in her Workshop how to write your own eulogy I do my own workshops on on my life we imagine how do you use your imagination so I and Shelly for people that are interested in having workshops in their city or hometown our country if they're in London or Australia there an Arkansas wherever here do you fly everywhere and teach Workshop yes I do yes I do
you're one of the deaths of anybody I know and it's just so enchanting seeing you on stage or brighten Enlighten and he will kill one of the questions I know we're coming to the top of the show here that I love to ask people this show is called passionate living and so what does leading in living a passionate life mean to you
well first of all it's it's asking your higher self your soul that my belief is that we Are Spiritual Beings having a human experience and it's the human part that's the challenge to navigate the kind of questions heartlight wants to Sean maybe maybe in your experience there was a wound that you had as a child and maybe it's because as a child
childhood when we didn't have them to express our emotions and in life is to help other people find their full and bring the essence of who they are out there
does that makes such a beautiful answer wow
that's fantastic I let this Exquisite Shelly thank you for that this work and I know you also have another website on death and dying and everything that were talking about and it's called talking about death and dying. Com
so you look for within the next month I think it could be up and running I think it's exciting because it's so nice for people to have a place to go for answers to meet other people in a community that are also looking for answers and to have a resource and into have a guide cuz I think that as we talked about one of the greatest gifts and this work is not being alone being able to be there for somebody and so if we feel as individuals that were not alone in the Journey of learning
that's right exactly my vision I have such a big vision for it too and I thought my vision in the leaders in our world that have experienced the last breath with somebody to share their stories of Illumination because I think those stories will give us hope I'm not exactly crazy about the word and insight into the way in which we can look at everything
and the share their stories and for other people to share their stories may be to call and we'll be called in the last breath or something of that nature I don't know yet we just have a couple minutes left but I have a really big question to ask you so you were saying that to try to talk to people you know when they're healthy and they're well saying if this were to happen or when this happens you have a favorite song or favorite music or favorite most people are so afraid to talk to their parents or to talk to their spouses how do you suggest someone to start a conversation
I would suggest
first of all I love you
I love you so much that I want to talk about every part of life with you including what's going to happen at the end of our life and I want to know if you're with somebody who is dying for something or even if you're with a parent who's not dying and they will die I want to know if you could imagine it anyway that you want to have you ever even given the remote the remotest thought of what you would like to happen I want to know everything there is somebody is dying you can ask him if he'll even way before that my client has 15 16
they're all different age groups we talked about how to live their best life and then it is actually easier to talk about dying with somebody who isn't to a certain degree
so you start with then I love you I want to know everything there is to know about you and I want to know this park you and I want to I want you to know you can feel safe sharing with me what it is that you would love what is your favorite music I don't know if the questions that people can talk to people about and it makes and I love saying Oo we talked about every aspect of life it's really I believe what this show represents as well as how passionate life with your heart's desires in your heartstrings and that every vision and every hope Every Spark comes true and that all the keys in the doorways and the techniques in the windows and the doorways in the bridges in the pathways to get that to leave and live your happiest and best life ever from the very first breath to the very last breath so it is been
honor and a privilege and a pleasure having you on the show and I am so now I'm aggressive work and so glad that you are on this planet assisting people to be the very best that they can be and live a life of joy in a life of happiness and a life of dignity and even in the very end to be able to have all of those things that they've had through their life which is love and support and laughter and happiness and fearlessness and it's yeah it is such a prince and so for myself Nicole Brandon and Shelly ways and we are wishing you a passionate life at a joyful life and a glorious life they all of your wishes and dreams come true and we look forward to seeing you here next week I'm passionate living