[00:00] Speaker 1: (Music) Welcome to All Learning Reimagined. The podcast that defines convention and redefines the purpose and practice of education. Here we venture beyond institutional boundaries. Whether you're a parent, educator, or curious mind devoted to lifelong growth. This is your space to challenge assumptions and co-create a more humane and intuitive approach to education. Let's reimagine what education can be.

[00:48] Speaker 2: (Laughs)

[00:48] Speaker 3: Good day. Welcome to All Learning Reimagined. I'm your host Teresa, bringing you a little ray of sunshine, as together we're reimagining the future of education one inspired story at a time. And welcome back everybody. It's, uh, I hope you've had a really great week. Um, today I'm going to go to my second, uh, topic, um, second out of eight. I'm doing a series of eight. Uh, considering, um, foundations really for the way that we can help our learners today, um, really empower themselves. And the topic of today is actually around something that I'm calling relational literacy. Uh, because really it is like a literacy, being able to learn how to do this does not come naturally. I was being sp- working with children and educators for many, many decades and it's occurred to me that some of the things with relational lit- literacy do not come naturally to everybody. So I mean, uh, well let me explain it first. (laughs) I'm just diving straight in there.

[02:02] Speaker 3: Um, uh, so if you have not listened to my channel before, All Learning Reimagined is basically around coming back and really reflecting ourselves. I'm not telling anybody to do anything, I'm just bringing up a topic each week so that you can stop and reflect and ponder on your own situation, whether it be your grandchildren, children you're homeschooling, um, your own children that go to maybe a mainstream school, um, or a distance education. Whatever your circumstances happen to be with the children around you. Oh, and the children don't have to be young. It can be any age, including adults who are learners. I mean, we're big kids too. Um, and it's just stopping, uh, and reflecting on why are we doing what we're doing in today's society with the way that we're learning and the way that we are pushing children and imposing curriculum, imposing beliefs on them. And giving suggestions, purely suggestions on things that we can do to reimagine our learning. Uh, so that's where we are.

[03:08] Speaker 3: So welcome if you are new. Um, okay, so let's go back to relational literacy. Now, this is something that I am very passionate about, and I know that I certainly embody this because relationships are the foundation to everything. All learning. Uh, you know, relationships are not optional. And it's relationships with your own self, relationships with your, you know, your peers or your friends around you, um, and then of course relationships with the educator or the guide, um, that you're working with at the same time. And then, uh, I would take it one step further on also relationships with your environment around you, the elements, um, everywhere it, everywhere it e- everywhere you are. Um, it's that how you're working within that environment and your relationship in that space as well. There's so many different layers to this. It's not just a one-size-fits-all. So feel into whatever it is that resonates with you, and of course leave whatever does not resonate with you.

[04:09] Speaker 3: And so, when you have strong relationships, particularly with children, uh, you know, when they trust you and respect you and they actually feel safe, it's amazing how far they can go and, and how deeper the learning becomes. And then they feel safe to be more autonomous and explore. They feel saf- safe to ask questions. They face, feel safe to challenge something if it doesn't agree with them, which I highly recommend because we want our children to be critical thinkers. We want them to have the autonomy to step up and say, "Hmm, I'm not sure about that," and actually question something. Um, I mean, I teach children th- they can do it in a respectful way. They're not doing it in a, um, defiant way at all. It's just they're asking questions and they're curious. And this is the new generation that are going to be stepping up and they're going to shape the world, um, in the time that they have lived. All of us have shaped our world in our own way.

[05:10] Speaker 3: And I mean, that actually reminds me of Plato. I'm pretty sure Plato, um, mentioned a quote something like this, you know, "Don't force your children with your own ways, for they were created, uh, uh, to sh- eh, for a different time." Or, oh, I can't remember the exact quote. Um, but it's a really good quote, because it actually made me stop and think. I can't force children to do things my way, because they are growing up in a completely different world than the one that I grew up in, and they are going to be shaping in the future, um, in many different ways. So I need to allow them to be able to do what they came here for. Uh, because every generation is here t- to add a layer and add depth or do something. Um, and I know that seems very generic, but it's really important. So relationships, definitely foundational. Now this actually reminds me of a beautiful educator who passed away in 2013. You've probably heard Rita P- of Rita Pierson. She had......

[06:13] Speaker 3: uh, a very famous TED Talk that was certainly thrown around the education space, um, at the time, all the way, um, oh, for years, I think we've been able to watch it, and she was the educator who talked about, "Every child needs a champion." Um, when children in a school, in particular, know that they've got someone that's there that has their back that they can go to and approach, then that certainly helps them, uh, through their, uh, through their schooling process. But one of the key quotes that I know, as a younger teacher, really, really, um, has stayed with me that Rita had explained in that TED Talk was she was saying that she heard a colleague say to her something along the lines of... (laughs) Don't quote me on this, this is all, all from memory. Um, you know, they don't, um, "They don't pay me to like kids." Or, "That's not what I'm paid for." Um, something like that, was another teaching colleague.

[07:09] Speaker 3: And then she turned around and pretty much responded that, "Well, kids don't learn from people that they don't like." And whoa. Like, that was actually really huge for me, and I... That's always stayed in the back of my mind, of the children... If you don't show children respect and kindness and trust and h- give them that environment, if they know that you don't like them, they can pick up on that. You know, we are essentially animals, we can sense things, and the children will completely shut down and they won't learn from you. And it doesn't mean you have to go and be their best friend, uh, you have to put boundaries and certainly guide them, that's really important, but the relationship comes first. And Rita, absolute legend in my books, uh, she was really right. Uh, I, I absolutely agree with her.

[08:03] Speaker 3: Because, you know, look at today, the amount of children who are school-refusing and, um, or they're completely detached from their learning, they're sort of become into the technological world, and they're really starting to ta- detach from humanity and connection and that heart space, and who they are. And those children, more than anybody else, really need that connection. Um, and some of them may not even know how to build a relationship. It's something that we, um, need to model and teach, and if these children are in a home environment that's not modeling them and they're not sure, um, you know, h- horribly, some of them might be in, uh, abusive households or neglectful households and they might just not know what they don't know.

[08:48] Speaker 3: So it's important to, um, model what a good relationship looks like, and explicitly teach it, you know, role-play it, have these discussions in a classroom, because I know that certainly when children lash out, well, they completely withdraw, like a turtle withdraws into their shell, um, or they lash out like a tiger, uh, there's a reason for that. And sometimes having, taking the time to sit down and be present with them and make that connection, uh, rather than punish, punish, punish, you know, this reward/consequence thing is, uh, it's a whole nother topic, believe me. Um, but that, that connecting on a real, human, personal level is absolutely essential in order for learning to be deep learning, um, and to be, of course, more pleasant, uh, for all of us. So that is, (laughs) you know, in a very long-winded way, my perspective on what I call relational literacy, because it is like a literacy.

[09:52] Speaker 3: There are skills to learn about eye contact and not speaking over other people and, um, sitting and being present with them, not ignoring them, and, um, you know, there's so many different things and ways on discussing how to communicate, including things like how to email each other, um, you know, with greetings and basic manners, and all of these things are very subtle layers which, which go towards building a relationship, you know, understanding, comprehending, that not everyone communicates the same way. Some people are very attention to detail focused and they really want to know all of the details. Some people will just want you to...

[10:31] Speaker 3: They're blunt, they just want you to get to the point, "Don't give me any of this relationship fluff." But they just want to know to get to the point, but they want you to know that, that you can be honest and authentic and that you are, um, trustworthy and respectful And then you have very strong relationship-based, um, communicators who really love that connection and that warm, fuzzy, uh, way of communicating. And then, of course, you've got some learners who just want to know why, "Why are we doing this? Because if this has no point to me and if I can't see this in my world and if this doesn't make sense, I'm not doing it." So they're the big picture thinkers, and, you know, sometimes they're very creative or artistic and, or they're visionary.

[11:15] Speaker 3: So there's lots of many different flavors of communicators, and understanding this, and also teaching learners, um, so that they can identify themselves, their own personal communication preference, is a really good step in relational literacy, because I know over the years if I've had a, a conversation with a person, I'm usually stopping and thinking, "Hmm. How do they communicate?" And how... And I adjust how I need to communicate with them, um, uh, in order to c- in order to make that connection. So... And if it's someone that I don't know, then I, I make sure that I'm... Well, I'm just me anyway, I can't help myself, but I've pretty much trained myself over the years of being an education leader to be able to make sure that I am tapping into all of those four main communication styles. I always connect with the why, I always have some sort of, uh, greeting or personal connection, 'cause that's definitely me, um, I like to cut to the chase and get to the, get to the, the...

[12:20] Speaker 3: the straight, the, the premise, the, the heart of the issue. Um, and then, uh, I also like to follow up with attention to detail if they're interested or if they want it. You know, follow up with an email or, or a list, or give more information later, which is more the how we're going to do things. Um, and so considering these things, there's lots of information out there that you can look at this, but reflecting on your own communication style, because we cannot expect particularly young children to communicate to us in our own style if they're not wired that way. Um, you know, nature versus nurture, of course, um, but teaching children, particularly teenagers, they really love this, because it shifts them. Some of them have an aha point of, "Oh, that's why my friend at lunchtime is like that." And then they can comprehend it. Particularly with autistic children, children who are Asperger's or on the spectrum, um, they don't necessarily have that warm, fuzzy way of communicating.

[13:24] Speaker 3: I- it doesn't mean that we can't build relationships with them. They're such deep feelers and thinkers. They're amazing beings. Um, but it helps other children to know how to build relationships with them at the same time. Okay, so let me just take a breath. Uh, so pretty much, all of that in a nutshell is, is saying that when a child comes into a room, uh, in a learning environment, they're actually reading the room. They're reading the energy of the room, they read- they can feel the sense of the play. And (laughs) , um, and they're sensing, they can pick up whether the teacher actually likes them or not. Thank you, Rita. They can sense that based on your tone, your facial expression, your body language. You are communicating to that child before you even open your mouth. Can you say, "Oh, I've never said anything negative against them"? No, but they can still feel it. They can still sense it.

[14:21] Speaker 3: So being self-aware as a guide, as an educator, is probably one of the best things that you can do. Be a- be aware how you show up. Um, uh, very, very important, because that relational field, you know, learning is a relational field. Um, it's not isolated, and it really emerges through that connection, that social construct. I mean, humans are wired for connection. We've talked about this many, many times. And there is also, um, uh, I think there's a, a theory about this, like an attachment theory, where, you know, if, if children feel secure and they feel safe, you know, their fight or flight, their reptilian part of the brain is not activated, then they can have higher confidence and more resilience and they have a greater learning capacity. I have observed this many, many times, um, with myself. I can, I can speak on the truth. If they're not feeling safe, then, um, then they can have anxiety or they might withdraw, or sometimes they really, uh, play out, they really act out.

[15:27] Speaker 3: Which reminds me of, uh, a refugee boy, African refugee boy that came to Australia. Oh, my giddy aunt, this was probably, I would say, almost 25 years ago now. And, um, young boy, and he had (sighs) ... He had a lot of trauma. He was carrying a lot of trauma. He had so much energy. We used to take the class outside, and we would run around the oval, and we would do a lot of exercise, 'cause he had so much energy coursing through his body, and he really needed to get that movement, uh, before he could settle and, and concentrate. Um, and he was just delightful.

[16:07] Speaker 3: But every lunchtime, he used to pack up his school bag, and he would empty out his desk, all of his books, the pencils, everything that he had, he would put it all in his backpack, and he would put it on his back, and then he would go out at lunchtime, and he would play soccer, uh, football if- depending on what country you're in, but soccer in Australia, we call it, at lunchtime with this backpack with everything that he owned, a- in the backpack on his back. Um, and he would go out and he would play sport, and then at the end of lunchtime, he would come back in and he would unpack it all. And I used to explain to him, "You know, the classroom is locked with a key. No one can come in and touch your stuff." And it took me, uh, weeks and weeks for him to learn to trust that no one was going to take any of his things, and that he f- he was safe, that he was just safe.

[16:58] Speaker 3: And I knew the day that he didn't take that backpack, I never stopped him from doing it, um, he also used to sharpen the pencil really, really sharp and then pop that pencil, and he would actually tuck it in his shorts and carry the, the sharp pencil around. I mean, it actually made me wonder sometimes if he was thinking subconsciously of using it as a weapon. Uh, always played in the back of my mind, "Why does he need to have that pencil on him?" It's like he needed to have something on him to make him feel safe. And when he stopped doing that and no longer needed to do that, I knew that I was building and having some success in building that relationship with him.

[17:39] Speaker 3: Uh, he went on to be very successful, by the way, um, but, uh, and I didn't actually even mean to tell you that story, but, um, it does, it does show that, um, the relational field and where children come from, you can't just take them from one, uh, environment and plunk them in another and expect them to just change instantly. It takes time, and it's a process. Um, and that attachment and being able to feel secure is absolutely foundational when it comes to building relationships, and that relational literacy. You know, 'cause, uh, connection, um, it, it's not, it's not the bonus. Connection is actually like a foundation. It's, it's essential.Um, and, and we also know that humans, uh, you know, we unconsciously mirror emotions and tone and behavior. I know if I've ever been tired, um, or in a bad mood or I'm cranky and I walk into a classroom, that class, I very rarely have a, a good lesson, if that ever happens, because they pick up on my energy and they mirror my energy.

[18:49] Speaker 3: My emotions are literally (laughs) contagious, and so, I'm, uh, pretty much an expert at it now. I know that I can leave whatever it is at the door, um, and, and center and ground myself before I go into any learning environment, because I'm aware that children pick up on emotional states. Um, particularly if I'm feeling a little bit tired or fatigued, because you know, I've had a late night, I've, uh, been overworking, and I haven't taken the time to rest myself, which is probably what I do. Um, I very rarely ever get cranky these days. Things just don't trigger me anymore, um, very, very rarely. Uh, but, you know, in the early years of teaching, I, I had made that mistake w- too many times, and it was really quite obvious. Everything's much, much smoother when I'm fully present and I'm not distracted, and when my presence and my energy is grounded and centered, the children seem to calm, they settle, they can f- they feel secure, and they just get on with the job.

[19:50] Speaker 3: Um, and it's a beautiful way to be. So, you, um, as a guide is, are a central tool, um, instrument, antenna, uh, because you're giving out frequencies and receiving frequencies and harmonics and all of these things in your environment, um, in your relational field. And it's something that really is not even taught when you learn to teach. When you go to university, these sorts of things are not explicitly taught. Um, and I don't know, I know, mm, subconsciously, a lot of us, a lot of us probably sense this, but I feel like this is something that really needs to be on the curriculum. Uh, children need to learn it for themselves and adults and parents. This is so, so essential, uh, when it comes to learning environments. Of course, all my opinion, but this is what I think. Uh, another part of relational literacy, I would believe, would be that children, you know, learning to regulate their own emotions, um, and this is something that I feel is actually being done much better these days.

[20:57] Speaker 3: So, probably the last five or six years, schools have really jumped on board, um, in a much better way with teaching children how to self-regulate. Um, there's a lot of neuroscience that seems to be, um, becoming more present in schools now, particularly with educators, so that they're comprehending the fight or flight and being in, you know, threat state rather than reward state. There's, there's a lot of different words that basically mean the same thing, and children complement- com- uh, comprehending when they're in their learning dip and, you know, emotion's a part of learning something new. You're not supposed to be perfect first time, you're supposed to make mistakes, and it's okay, and it's okay to be frustrated, but you're gonna pick up, get feedback, um, have another go, uh, which builds that resilience. And that all ties into that relational literacy at the same time.

[21:49] Speaker 3: You know, we, we at every step of the way, having that teacher that's that champion for children and, um, modeling that presence, uh, really can also help model that regulation for children at the same time, because that safety drives the learning. The nervous system really determines whether the learning is accessible in the brain or not. It can compromise the frontal lobes of the brain, um, can compromise memory. Um, you can't really access that full capacity to learn if your (laughs) nervous system is overwrought. So, teaching specific skills, um, I do breath work. We do lots of movement. I have a lot of brain breaks and movement. Actually, the children run the brain breaks. They have a roster and they volunteer and they, they learn to run the brain breaks. Sometimes we do desk dancing if we're sitting at our desk, and we might have, put some music on and they can dance from their desk, which is always a bit of fun, or humming.

[22:47] Speaker 3: Humming is so healing and really good for the nervous system, because that hum, your own harmonics can heal and, and tone your own body, and it helps to calm down that fight or flight or survival mode. Um, you know, it, which does reduce the cognition. So once you hum and once you calm down that, um, you know, the polyvagal theory, I guess, is what I'm coming down to. There's so much research out about the, about this, is when you're feeling safe, um, you get that openness, and then that curiosity can come, and then that's where the learning can kick in. So, all of this in the rela- relational field, relational literacy, is essential for teaching and learning. And that's why I've put it in my, my, uh, series of eight, because I feel like this is absolutely important. Um, okay, I'm just checking the time. I think I'm, I'm good. I'm on track. (laughs) I always have a lot to say, but I'm on track today, which is really good. Um, okay.

[23:53] Speaker 3: So, my next point that I had made to, to, that I wanted to talk about today is, you know, what about misbehavior? What about, um, behavior as a communication? You know, children that act out. And we know that there's lots of, in trauma-informed education, uh, information out there, and you know, adapting. (sighs) I don't really like using the word misbehavior, um, because often it's just sh- showing me if a d- if a student is act out, acting out or withdrawing, it's really showing me that there's some sort of dysregulation and that their needs are not being met.So, I always tie back into, um, you know, what need are they trying to fill? Which sort of reminds me of Glasser, the Glasser needs. I feel like there's more than what Glasser mentioned, but, you know, the Glasser needs. Are they, are they trying to fill a survival node?

[24:42] Speaker 3: Um, are they trying to fill a fun node 'cause they- they've got a fun need, which is why they're acting like the class clown, because they're, they're trying to fill that need? Are they trying to fill that sense of belonging? That's why they're following you around the classroom, because they just want to connect and they really want to belong. Um, are they filling a power need? They're feeling powlessly- powerless in their own life, and so they want to put power over someone else because they're trying to fill that need, which is where a lot of bullying comes from. When children understand this and you actually explicitly teach this and role play this and discuss this and, uh, connect with this, and they can comprehend themselves, uh, and encouraging them to reflect themselves on, "Oh, why did I do that?" A lot of them at first will just say, "I don't know. I don't know." But you can...

[25:30] Speaker 3: And it's not putting words in their mouth, but you could talk through things, share your own experiences if you feel comfortable to, and then they can learn through the modeling that you have. So, behavior, in my opinion, is essential to relational literacy, because, um, you know, the world is not all clones. Maybe some clones out there, but they're not all clones. And so we are going to have children that are going to act out or refuse to do something, or something will trigger them and then they will get angry. Uh, it, it happens, and so it's how do you deal with this? Um, how do you not react to them, respond to them? So, you know, um, getting into a power play or an argument or a disagreement with a child is one of the worst things that could happen because you've engaged in that power play. No one wins with this. It's a need that they're trying to fill.

[26:25] Speaker 3: But identifying it and then allowing them to fill that power need in a different way, um, giving them the opportunity to step up and be a leader, um, asking for their opinion. Um, and then, of course, some children with power needs just like to be recognized, and then, you know, that leads us to the different love languages people have. Some like to have, um, praise or be publicly recognized, and others don't. Others just want, you know, a, a pat on the back or a smile or a scratch-and-sniff sticker in their book and a beautiful comment. Or maybe send an email home or pick up the phone and ring the parents and compliment the child on how they, well they're working. Sometimes that means everything. Or, you know, that- or an act of service, do something for them. Possibly just spend time with them. Li- sit and listen with them, build that relationship with them, if that, um, quality of time is their, their love language.

[27:20] Speaker 3: That's actually really difficult to do when you teach many, many children, particularly in a high school setting. You know, if you teach over 100 children, you can't get to know them all on this sort of relationship level, so it needs to be the time you've got, um, and be a little bit more realistic. But, you know, the power dynamics in relationships is actually really, really important. Um, whereas if you're coming in and you're controlling and you want compliance and you want fear, you've got that disconnect in with relationships. The children may comply, uh, but it doesn't mean they're going to have that deep learning. And, oh, I could tell you stories about that. I've had many disagreements with educators over the years that are saying, "Why are you doing all of this stuff? You're supposed to be an academic teacher." And it's like, "Well, the academics I'll get to.

[28:06] Speaker 3: We just need to work on relationships first." So, I used to spend quite a few weeks building relationships and doing a lot of things, team-building and, um, and things that some certain academic teachers, uh, used to say was a complete waste of my time. Um, but in the end, it, it far outweighed anything else because those relationships were solid. And if anything, the results that the children created s- far surpassed anything that they would have done if I had treated them like a bunch of robots, basically. It's not all intellectual. I- school should not be all cerebral. It's a relational field. I'm going to leave it there for this week (laughs) because I've run out of time. As usual, I'm going to create an article that'll have a few different ideas and some more information about relational literacy, um, you know, and learning as a relational field, if you're interested in this.

[29:03] Speaker 3: Um, and if you are, you can go to bbsradio.com/alllearningreimagined where you can find all of the articles and activities and all of the archived shows. So, thanks for joining me today on All Learning Reimagined. Until next week, explore, experience, express. Go out and live learning

[29:22] Speaker 1: (instrumental music) Thank you for joining us on All Learning Reimagined, where passion illuminates the path forward. Remember this: the future of learning doesn't arrive from above; it begins within. You are the spark, the shift, the living answer to education's silent call for transformation. So, stay curious. Stay awake. Let inspiration be your compass, because how we learn today is not just personal, it is profoundly generative. It shapes the very architecture of tomorrow's world. We are not separate from the system; we are its evolution. Until next time, trust the wisdom of your own unfolding, and let your life be the lessons that light the way for others.