Lyn Smith – (The Queen of HEARTS) - International Relationship Coach

Lyn spent most of her life growing up and living in England and currently lives in Spain.  As a teenager, she was subjected to several traumatic experiences that went on to impact her ability to trust, love & enjoy relationships with men, for many years.

She has a proven track-record as an International Relationship Coach & Inspirational Speaker over the past 30 years, based upon her own vast personal research, experiential learning and trainings with the world’s leading industry experts.

Understanding the polarisation of masculine & feminine energy resulted in her creating massive attraction and a passionate intimate relationship – feeling alive, fulfilled and at peace; inspiring her to design & present her own course programmes to share these break-through relationship techniques with women across the globe.

Lyn’s extensive experience includes coaching women from diverse backgrounds – regardless of their sexual orientation – both nationally and internationally; creating lasting love, passion, intimacy, fulfilment  and peace in their personal relationship.

Lyn makes a difference by helping you make a difference; she has a vision of contributing back on a global scale.

To enjoy a full, intimate relationship at its highest level, read her story…….

Lyn Smith – The Queen of HEARTS

International Relationship Coach

Survive, Heal & Thrive ‘Rape & Sexual Abuse’

I want to inspire you to create/ attract your Ultimate Intimate Soul Mate Relationship. My expertise of Survive, Heal & Thrive ‘Rape & Sexual Abuse’ came about because it´s very relevant to my own story.

My personal history is a very harrowing one.  I didn`t have a close relationship with my parents; as kids we were seen and not heard, they were strict disciplinarians & didn’t spare the rod when it came to corporal punishment. They always fought a lot and I remember one time when I was about 13 years old my dad sending me to run after my mother to tell her to come back because she’d stormed out after yet another major argument.

When I caught up with her she said through her own pain and anger “Go away, I wish you had never been born!” words which shook me to the core and I’ve never forgotten since; negatively impacting my future image of myself as being unworthy of being loved because I believed that if my own mother didn’t love me, how could anyone else and how could I love myself?

Words of wisdom - Take responsibility for loving yourself first

Then through my teens I experienced several sexually traumatic events that no girl or woman should ever have to go through; I was raped at the age of 15 years by a man who was someone I trusted at my local swimming club, I was a virgin and naïve enough to think that he offered me a lift home out of kindness!

That lift cost me the rest of my childhood, a potential competitive swimming career, my education, some good friendships as well as my femininity & dignity.  It left me feeling violated, ashamed and dirty!  So I didn’t tell a sole (until I was 42!).

Words of wisdom – You have a choice and a voice

I tried to pretend it never happened and for a while it worked, then at 18, just when I was starting to trust men again I was drugged and raped by a friend of my then boyfriend, I remember vividly how helpless & vulnerable I felt, and then to compound it all shortly afterwards my mum left my dad; in her absence my dad in his pain & despair molested & tried to take advantage of me – fortunately I was able to escape from his clutches before yet another potentially serious sexual assault took place!

Words of wisdom – Determination to survive adversity is your greatest strength

This event sent me over the edge and I remember as a result distinctly planning my own suicide, it would have been very easy for me to do, at the time I was working as a Veterinary Nurse and lived in accommodation above the surgery.  I had access to the poisons cupboard and recall going as far as reaching for a drug used to immobilise horses which I knew would be fatal to me.

However – for some reason – ‘something within me’ stopped that happening; I believe it was the thought of leaving behind my younger brother who distraught at my parents separation was already trying to cope at age 16 with an absent mother and my dad’s excessive aggressive mood swings.

Words of wisdom – Trust and listen to your inner self

At age 19 years I joined the Police Force; upon reflection I feel this was motivated by some hidden thought that if I couldn’t get justice for myself then maybe I could contribute in getting justice for others, sadly it only proved to be the reverse and I witnessed many guilty offenders getting off with little or no punishment.

I left after 5 years’ service and thereafter began my passion in various careers in education, coaching and training.

For all that, I know I´m not alone, many of you reading this will – and can – relate.

In the 70´s children in the UK didn´t have resources like ‘Childline’ to turn to for help. So I suffered in silence for 27 years before plucking up the courage to start my healing & personal development journey and in 2002 I rang ‘Rape Crisis’.

Guess what?  After an initial assessment consultation during which I was told that ‘I looked like a typical rape victim’ my consultant then pointed out after lengthy questioning, that I was overweight (I’ve yo-yo’d up and down the scales all my adult life) wore black shapeless clothes, didn’t wear make-up or nail varnish (and still don’t), didn’t wear perfume or any jewellery (and have only done so minimally in recent years).

She then continued ‘this is because you’re subconsciously trying to protect yourself and make yourself unattractive to men’ and although it sounded harsh, on reflection I knew she was right!  Then came the really devastating body blow, she ended the consultation by saying ‘sorry there is a waiting list, it´ll be 12 – 18 months before a counsellor will become available!’.  Not what I want to hear after feeling I was finally ready to talk!

Words of wisdom – You can heal your life (Louise Hay)

Hopefully things have now positively progressed beyond my experience in the UK and worldwide in general.

Needless to say all these experiences had a very negative impact on my intimate relationships. I remember having a promiscuous phase prior to meeting my ex-husband.

I desperately wanted love and to feel lovable.  I made the mistake – as do many girls – of using sex to get this need met; so I went from not caring about my welfare and feeling totally needy & out of control (which only resulted in more hurt and distrust of men) to unconsciously looking for a man (my ex-husband) who would offer me protection, safety, love, stability and who would also let me take total control of the relationship.

I got my wish, for the 23 years that I with my ex-husband I was very controlling; I acted superior to him, forced my opinion over his, told him how to do things that he was perfectly capable of doing himself and altered the things he did so they were done my way.  I also wore an invisible suit of armour and was for the most part a cold frigid bitch!

Words of wisdom – Confusion comes before a breakthrough (Anthony Robbins)

All this was driven by my unconscious need to look after and protect myself on the back of not trusting men.  What I ended up with was a man who I’d managed to emasculate on a regular basis.  After years of inadvertently ‘changing’ him to become a male version of myself I wondered why I didn´t find him as attractive anymore; it´s because I was the dominant one wearing the trousers (or pants).

I subsequently divorced this perfectly good man, not because I wasn´t happy, but because I felt there was something missing. (I felt he had lost his balls but it was me that had all but castrated him!) I felt unfulfilled.  There was no passion and although there was love & intimacy in the main we had a ‘friendship’ type relationship, but the thing that I didn´t realise at the time was that this was mostly my own fault, a response to my own controlling ‘masculine’ behaviour.

Words of wisdom – Recognise when you’re not being your true authentic self

If you can relate to any or all of the above then here’s the good news, in 2005 I felt compelled to go on a two specific journeys.  My first was to address my health I attended regular group exercise classes and also worked with 2 brilliant personal trainers at the gym - Justin Riley and then Chris Stephenson, it took me 5 years to lose 5 stone (70 lbs/ 32 kgs) which built up from 2 half-hour sessions per week to an obsessive 12 hours (too much) and still I plateaued even though I hadn’t reached my ‘normal’ target weight, however I knew I looked and felt really good (despite sometimes looking in the mirror and still seeing my old fat self).

My second journey was to specifically seek out the world’s leading personal development & relationship experts to heal myself and find out all their secrets & see how they matched with my own years of experiential learning.

I immersed myself in gaining knowledge about the differences between how men & women think, feel & behave in regard to their personal relationships; also along the way I discovered some very powerful passion & intimacy techniques, strategies & skills that really work.

These techniques showed me how to heal & love myself, whereas before (with my ex) there was distance, little connection and the feeling of settling for an ‘okay’ partnership; I have now reclaimed my true authentic ‘feminine’ core self, I’ve learned to let go of control & trust without feeling the need to protect myself in my invisible suit of masculine armour.

I now have a relationship full of red hot passion, intimacy, and massive connection, where I feel alive, loved & cherished above and beyond my wildest dreams; I´ve realised this is what I´ve been craving all my adult life!

I wanted to attract a strong alpha-male who would treat me like a goddess, protect and take care of me, who´d take the lead in a healthy relationship, show me passion, and melt me with his very presence.  Wow, on 3^rd Jan 2010 - I certainly attracted that when I met my soul mate, Paul.  So was it all sweetness and light?

Words of wisdom – Knowledge is power

Unfortunately, no, at least not to start with, despite having a very passionate relationship with lots of deep love, intimacy & connection, every 3-4 weeks we’d end up having big arguments.  I couldn’t understand why, and after having such a calm peaceful relationship with my ex previously (most likely because he wanted to keep the peace) I knew it must be Paul’s fault right?

Wrong!

Believe it or not this took me over 3 years of (sometimes very painful) experiences to learn and finally grasp, that the issue of resolving conflicts has a very specific sequence and order.  I just needed to learn to handle it in a feminine rather than a masculine way.

Words of wisdom - Challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow

To create calm & intimacy where otherwise there would have been conflict and arguments, I learned that I need to follow a certain sequence to diffuse the situation.  For example, if Paul gets irritated or frustrated over something and unfairly takes it out on me, (I call this ‘lighting the fire) the temptation for me was to react by adding fuel to the fire, either by

• getting aggressive (retaliating in anger)
• becoming defensive (saying ‘yes but …’)
• justifying (with my ‘I’m right opinion).

Either way, all Paul see’s at this point is another male energy challenging his masculinity.

I used to do all of the above on a regular basis, always with the same result.  We’d end up having a full-blown major argument.  We both used to say things that would be very hurtful & Paul would then withdraw to his ‘cave’ sometimes for days at a time and I would feel utterly distraught.

I knew I needed to deal with this by implementing some of the techniques which taught me to respond to him in a feminine way & see my vulnerability as a source of strength (not weakness), which is to pour water on the fire or risk losing our deep connection & intimacy.

The way I pour water on the fire, is by letting him see or know that he hurt my feelings with either his words or his body language.  I’ll respond for example, by using my forefingers to point playfully at my bottom lip, which I stick out in a little girl sulky pout complete with big sad puppy dog eyes (which is just one of many ‘feminine’ responses I use).

He’ll then instantly feel guilty for hurting the woman he loves and give himself a far harder time about it than I ever could.  The result is that the fire has been put out, intimacy has been maintained, and I can then pick my moment to have my say on the situation in a calm, feminine way.

I´m really excited to say that for many years, peace and calm has prevailed – I know Paul really adores me, and we both now make a conscious effort to deal with potential conflicts in a playful, fun or calm way.  What a relief!

I have personally known what it’s like to have suffered the trauma of rape and abuse as a young teenager, in an era when children weren’t encouraged to have a voice I believe I survived these experiences for a reason – to prepare me to inspire women to know they can have a safer, brighter, fulfilling future when it comes to their intimate relationships.

Words of wisdom - Your past does not equal your future (Anthony Robbins)

I specifically help women reclaim their true authentic feminine core selves in the area of intimate relationships.  I feel really lucky to have the Ultimate Intimate Soul Mate Relationship.  Paul and I have a healthy deep lasting love, passion and intimacy, with peace & calm and I know that if we can, you can too.

If you’re a woman in a relationship and have ever said or thought these words:

I Love My Man But….

·         … I still feel unfulfilled

·         … We are more like friends than lovers

·         … The relationship is lacking passion & intimacy

·         … The spark has gone

·         … We argue all the time

·         … I need more peace & calm in the relationship

·         … He’s distant most of the time

Or if you’re single woman and have ever said or thought these words:

I want a relationship but…

•             … There are no good guys out there

•             … I always attract losers or players

•             … I never get a second date

•             … I don’t know where start

•             … Men don’t like powerful / successful women

•             … I can’t trust men

•             … I seem to push men away….

Or whatever else your ‘but’ is….. and you want to know how to ‘Reclaim Your Feminine Power’ – create/ attract your soulmate relationship and feel fulfilled, fully awakened & alive?

I’m here, I’m genuinely dedicated to help as many women as possible have the kind of ultimate intimate soul mate relationship they deserve and for which I’m so grateful.  I want to share my discoveries & secrets with you.  I honestly believe these powerful skills will have a positive impact in reducing divorce, domestic violence & suicide.

In my FREE report I share PROVEN techniques that have been tested and that could positively change your current/ future relationship for ever – just like I’ve changed mine & thousands of women worldwide.

If you’d like to find out what’s in my FREE ‘Reclaim Your Feminine Power’ report then go to my website NOW and start your own exciting of discovery to lasting love, passion and intimacy.

With Love & Big Hugs

Lyn Smith

The Queen of HEARTS

P.S. I make a difference by helping you make a difference; I have a vision of being able to contribute back on a massive scale.  I would love to involved in leaving a lasting legacy of safety, dignity and opportunity for children and women who have survived rape, abuse and severe trauma as a result of war crimes and sex trafficking  – through the setting up of a foundation of worldwide – ‘you can heal your life’ centres/ retreats.  With the help of people like you reading this book I know we can do it!

Words of wisdom - ALL'S well in the end and if it isn't well it hasn't ended yet!