From an early age I always had questions, and would gaze up at the night sky with wonder. My parents told me that shortly after I was born, I seemed to have the look of ‘where the hell am I?’ in my eyes. I think that look might still be there.
My list of formal accolades is short, but hopefully there is no prerequisite in Heaven for the whole ‘saving-the-world’ thing-a-ma-jiggy. The most important things you could ever know about me are that I am very curious, and love music. If I ever have enough time and energy to finish the book I started, you’ll get to know more, but suffice it to say that I’ve had a few oddball experiences but an overall pretty standard, run-of-the-mill experience on the ridiculous spiritual merry-go-round. Just be aware that if we ever do get on board a real merry-go-round together, you better’d be quick, because I’ll race you to the most exotic and idiotic looking creature!
In the summer of 2015, I got an enormous purplish and painful rash on the back of my right leg, and was given a late diagnosis of lyme disease six weeks later. Some medical buffoonery was involved, but I’ll spare you the details. For over 15 years prior to this diagnosis, I had experienced physical symptoms that were anywhere from annoying to excruciating, mostly in the form of headaches and electrocution sensations. Whatever the degree and the form of the symptoms that were present, above all, they have been persistent and have thoroughly trashed my nervous system. At this point in May of 2018, I describe my condition as ‘lyme-disease-complex’, indicating that lyme may be involved, but there is in all likelihood a multitude of factors responsible for my general malaise, and this page is no place to get into that convoluted mess.
The extreme pain and the accompanying isolation of sickness have forced my natural curiosity to run the gamut of all possibilities, investigating deeply into my own condition and the general nature of the human condition in its entirety. Like many people who have been afflicted with this most-unnatural spirochetal organism responsible for lyme disease, my nervous system has been deeply affected, including my ability to concentrate and retain information. Fortunately, my bullshit-detector has come out largely unscathed such that I am still able to glean the essence of people and ideas and can strip things down to the core, just like my nerves have been stripped of their thin myelin insulation. It has left me feeling indescribably sensitive and vulnerable, and the memory of Home has made me feel acutely devastated in what too often feels like a hopeless condition. There ain’t nuthin’ cute about it.
Every day when I open my eyes in the morning, I feel my nervous system rebelling against the idea of living another day and it seems inconceivable that I could accomplish anything at all in such an afflicted state. Even as I write in this moment I am all too aware of my overloaded neurons, and have a hard time imagining how I will be able to do everything required of me for the remainder of the day. Somehow, I will make it through this day, and in all likelihood, I will accomplish something, be it petty or significant. Yet this is no way to live, as it is little more than mere survival. And just as I experience this horrific reality in my own life, I know there are millions of others who live in chronic pain and are bereft of hope, and this goes way beyond ‘not okay’- it’s fucking outrageous.
Although my experience living this way has been hellacious, it has not crushed my spirit, as my sense of humor still thrives and my goofy and playful nature remains intact. Neither has the pain obliterated my convictions that we can transform the world quickly and completely and with greater ease than we may be willing to entertain. Yet my confidence in this conviction can vacillate wildly, and takes a nosedive when I feel distant and separated from my Soul Siblings. Just like everyone else, I require comfort and support, and am certainly not here to promote toughness or machismo. This world is difficult enough as it is, and I certainly feel no compulsion to make things even harder for myself. This difficulty is no surprise, as I am not unaware of the fact that there are dark forces that do not want me here because of who I am and what I know to be possible. Yet through all of the trials in this world of darkness, my focus is irresistibly attracted to the Light, the Truth, and towards getting the job of worldwide transformation fully initiated.
The creation of Dissolving the Dream, along with my musical creations, have come to fruition not be tenacity or perseverance, for I do not believe that I am endowed with these virtues. They exist because I am here and cannot tolerate being idle. Until I can leave the world knowing that my son will be okay without me here, there is no choice but to do what I have been called to do. So let’s save the friggin’ world already!
