Coming Home: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self Through Trauma Recovery

00:00

Speaker 1

Coming home. Coming home inside. I remember who I am. I don't have to hide. Welcome to SOS For The Soul: Coming Home. This show is all about you coming home to who you are, who you are truly. I'm your host, Jennifer Elizabeth Masters. I am so glad to be here. Think it's been about four, maybe five years since we did this SOS For The Soul, and we are returning right before the Mercury Retrograde. Um, I am a transformational teacher, trauma recovery goat... (laughs) guide, not goat. I am also the author of multiple books, uh, Odyssey Victim to Victory, Orgasm For Life, Sacred Relationships, and the upcoming book, Unbecoming. And this is where emotional healing meets embodied awakening. Each week, we are going to be exploring what it takes to dissolve trauma, reclaim your inner authority, and remember who you are beneath the survival patterns so that you can live with clarity, confidence, deep self-trust, and peace. And you so deserve it.

01:48

Speaker 1
If you're ready for real transformation, you're in the right place. Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I've been doing this work since, well, 1998 as a hypnotherapist and 2011 as a certified life coach and a healer, having worked on myself diligently to come to a place of joy, peace, and love of myself, you know, the old healer heal thyself. And so, my life (laughs) has been a series of experiences, which I'm sure yours has been as well. Life is a series of experiences. We experience the rush of birth, the grace of death, and everything in between, and it's the in-between moments that shape us. If we don't recognize the lessons inside the experiences we have, we repeat them. And I can tell you about some of my repeats. Sometimes that repetition shows up in relationships, like mine, like it did for me. Sometimes in jobs, you might find yourself leaving one job, going to another, and finding yet another boss that treats you the same or coworkers that treat you the same.

03:17

Speaker 1
It can also show up in money or lack thereof, the stop-start. It can also show up in health. I just had a conversation right before I came on camera here with somebody that had trauma that she never healed, and so she's had surgery after surgery. It doesn't have to be that way. For me, it was marriage. Different phases, different personalities, same outcome, until I saw, oh, it's not them. (laughs) It's me. I saw the pattern I was holding inside. I was looking for love outside of myself. I looked for other people to love me, to do the very thing that I was refusing to do for myself. I don't know if you've experienced something like that. I sure would like to know. So when I started to see the patterns that I was holding inside, I started to look at those patterns. So, you know, maybe you experienced your trauma in other ways, maybe not marriage, maybe repetition of something else. But you could ask yourself, where am I repeating something that feels familiar but painful?

04:48

Speaker 1
Barbara De Angelis did this process where you write "Home" at the top of the page, and you list all the things that your home was for you. Did you feel safe? Were you protected? Were you put in harm's way? And then you cross off home and put relationship or relationships. Were your relationships the same? And so if we find someone, we meet them, and it feels like home, maybe that's not the best relationship if you've had lots of childhood trauma. Here are some questions you could ask yourself. What did I learn about love as a child? Was approval earned? Did I feel safe being myself? Do I still live in reaction to someone who no longer has power over me? Just take a nice deep breath. Let that settle. So as you breathe in, we're going to start regulating as we go through.Take a nice deep breath and allow your shoulders to relax, your neck to relax, your back to relax. Breathe in again. This show, this radio show, SOS, is not about blame, it's about awareness.

06:21

Speaker 1
Once we start sh- shining the light of awareness... Things cannot stay the same. Awareness is power. That's how it started for me. I started noticing, noticing how I was feeling, noticing how I was feeling in certain situations, noticing how I was projecting how I thought other people would receive me, and a lot of those projections are based on fears. So in my mother's case, so my mother was the instrumental person in my life, and if you've followed me for a while, if you've watched my other videos, you know she is 103. 103. Born July 10th, twen- it- t- 1922. (laughs) July 10th, 1922. She was an orphan at the age of five. Her mother died when she was 32 after having her last baby. So my mom was an orphan at five. She had terrible trauma. And perhaps you had a parent who couldn't give what they never got. Now, that does not excuse what happened, but understanding what our parents experienced in their childhood frees us.

07:48

Speaker 1
When children grow up around criticism, anger, emotional predictability, or unpredictability rather, they adapt. We can become empathic. That's what happened with me. Our nervous systems adapt. We quiet ourselves. We might shrink. We might perform, play the piano for others. Look how well she dances, everyone. We prove, we prove ourselves. And later in life, that adaptation becomes anxiety. It might be overworking. It could be overspending. It could be self-doubt, even physical symptoms. I had m- my share of physical symptoms. I had fi- fibromyalgia, Epstein-Barr. I had TMJ, and I'm saying in the past. I no longer have those things. But when I was looking outside of myself, I had very low self-esteem. I found myself holding my breath, barely breathing. So you may wanna notice, how are you doing right now? Are you holding your breath? Are you breathing deeply? Are you exhaling completely? I certainly wasn't as a child or a teen and even into young adulthood.

09:17

Speaker 1
I was searching for validation outside of myself, looking for approval elsewhere, not within me. Even God outside of me, until I realized something life-changing. What I realized, what I was searching for was already inside of me... Always, always, always. It's not distant. It's not conditional. It's always present, and it is within you as, as well. Healing does not erase the past. It changes your relationship to it. You may adapt, you may work on yourself, and you may start to feel compassion for your parents. I do for mine. And this is where transformation begins. Step one, are you ready? Take a deep breath... (inhales) and exhale completely. (exhales) So step one, notice the pattern. What is the pattern that is appearing in your life? McGillicuddy notices his pattern. Step two, regulate your nervous system. Well, how do you do that? Calming your nervous system, sitting and meditating, breathing deeply, petting your cat or dog, that can help regulate your nervous system.

11:06

Speaker 1
Step three, choose differently. When we're coming from a place of fear, that's where we are in our nervous system. So step one, notice the pattern. Step two, regulate the nervous system. And that's what I help you to do. Step three, choose differently. Now, I will be sharing something with you to calm your body in just a few moments if you're ready for that. Most people try to change their behavior without calming their body, so they're working on calming the anxiety, calming the nervous system stress, but that never works in the long term. When our nervous system feels unsafe... Somebody's nervous system is feeling very safe. My Yoda is playing with his little, little toy. So when your nervous system feels unsafe, it recreates the familiar.So, I just, I just want you to hear this and let it land. When your nervous system feels unsafe, it recreates the familiar. So, before we change anything, so we don't wanna repeat the same, we don't wanna repeat the unsafe, we regulate.

12:35

Speaker 1
So, let's do that now. Are you ready? So, if you could sit upright, nice and straight. Why do we wanna do that? Well, there's a couple of things that happen when our spine is straight. We are allowing energy to flow through the top of our head, through our spinal column and allowing Kundalini to rise. It is part of our nervous system, part of our regulating body. So, we're going to take a nice deep breath. And you can close your eyes if you would like, close your eyes gently. And bring your attention to the top of your head. And take a nice deep breath. Most people live in their minds, in their head, in their brain, so let's guide you into your body. Notice the hair on your head, the skin on your scalp, relaxing the scalp on your head, relaxing your ears, relaxing your jaw, letting your tongue float inside your mouth, relaxing the jaw, the muscles around your mouth. Continue to breathe. Soften your forehead, unclench your jaw, and inhale slowly for the count of four.

14:11

Speaker 1
Exhale for the count of six. Excellent. Let's do that again. Inhale slowly for the count of four, and exhale for the count of six. It's like a little dance within the body. One more time. And bringing awareness down your spine. Imagine a warm, golden light moving downward, calming each vertebrae and letting this settle your nervous system. Whisper softly to yourself, "I am. I am. I am. I am. Truth is my identity." Now, feel your bottom on the seat that you're sitting on, your thighs sitting on the chair beneath you. Notice something around you, whether it's the birds chirping, crickets. Breathing. Feeling safe, feeling steady, feeling calm. Take another nice slow inhalation, allowing your shoulders to drop a little bit more, relaxing more deeply. And exhaling slowly. Breathing in peace. And exhaling anything that no longer serves you. It could be fear. It could be stress. Just let it go. Breathing in again. Exhaling again. Letting go. Letting go of resentment, judgment.

16:56

Speaker 1
I just felt somebody's spine just go ding. A little adjustment there. Yeah. As an empath, I do, I feel what you feel. Sometimes I feel it before you do. Calming, beautiful. One more nice deep inhalation. And exhale. So, I'd like to talk to you about my mother a little bit. I have come to a place of loving acceptance of my mother. Now, there was a time that was not true. I will say, I'm not proud of that. But when someone puts you in harm's way repeatedly, when someone doesn't protect you from harm, when you experience things that no child should ever experience at five, at six, you can hold a host of anger, resentment, and debilitating anxiety. I had all of those things, depression. When I shifted those things within me, when I stopped hating her, stopped hating those who hurt me...Excuse me. It is amazing how much easier it was to love me, to accept me, to forgive me, and with that forgiveness... And there's so many different ways to forgive yourself.

18:40

Speaker 1
I love the Ho'oponopono Prayer, where you breathe in... I like to do it this way. So you hug yourself. Take a deep breath. Let's do this together. And you wanna turn your focus inward towards your inner child. Your child is in there, believe me, under lock and key, maybe on mass protection. Breathe. So we're thinking about the inner you, the inner Grace, the inner Becky, the inner Linda, the inner Debbie, the inner Mark, the inner Steven, the inner Firenze, the inner Sophie. Breathing in, thinking of you, your little inner child, with your eyes closed, focusing on your little inner child. I'm sorry. Say it with me. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. One more time. Breathe in deeply, and exhale, letting go, letting go. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. So what's the point of this? Well, what I will tell you is, whenever we're doing any kind of healing work, we need to start with ourselves.

20:25

Speaker 1
We need to focus on letting go, letting go of whatever we're holding onto, whatever resentment, whatever hatred. Forgive yourself for being angry. Forgive yourself for maybe yelling at your children. Forgive yourself for anything that you've done that you felt ashamed of. But let it go, because holding onto these deep emotions without processing them, without self-forgiveness will lead to all those things that I described to you earlier, TMJ, migraines, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, Epstein-Barr, all... lots of things, lupus, all of those things. Emotions held in can make us sick. We're not meant to hold them. We're meant to release them, process them. And this is what I help you do when I work with you one-on-one. So I hope this was good for you. So what can you do with that Ho'oponopono Prayer? You can use it to forgive anyone who's ever hurt or harmed you. Why would you want to do that? Forgiveness is divine. We are not meant to hold onto hate. Hate harms us.

21:43

Speaker 1
Complaining harms us. I know I said I was gonna talk about my mom, which I will do. So I forgave my mom, and that's how I did it multiple times. I cannot tell you how many times that I went over that forgiveness prayer. Multiple times. It's a Kahuna Healing Prayer, and it has been used by the Kahuna Healers of Hawaii for healing huge, huge, huge challenges, the biggest. And so forgiveness releases us from dragging a burden with us. So forgiving everyone, whoever has harmed you, releases you from carrying poison in your heart, poison in your body. It has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is divine. It releases us from the burden. You'll feel so much better. You will age more slowly when you let go of hate, resentment, anger. And what's happening... So we were talking about my book, the book Unbecoming. We're letting go. We're letting go of all the things that aren't us.

23:20

Speaker 1
The pain, the sorrow, the suffering, the anger, the shame, the guilt. Those are not you. Those are not who you are. We're coming home to who you truly are, and you are beautiful. You are amazing, and you are capable of so much. So the thing I wanna say about my mom, so at 103, she does not complain. Uh, she still lives alone, amazing as it may be. She's on a waiting list to get into an assisted living, though she has her own apartment. She does. I saw her recently. Now, she's not where she was six months ago or nine months ago or a year ago, or when she was 100, but she's 103 and a couple of things that have led to her still looking great, you can, you can see these videos. I've got them on TikTok and I've got them on YouTube, my mom, and there's a few more interviews coming up. I will be posting them soon.... but she still, you know, is of sound mind. Maybe not 100% of the time.

24:35

Speaker 1
Her mind does wander, but she has maintained movement is imperative, keeping yourself flexible, moving your body every day. She used to exercise with Jack LaLanne. I know that was years ago, long before it, it was (laughs) long before it was popular to go to the gym. There were no gyms back then. Yet she exercised. She mowed her grass till she was 90. She drove her car until she was 98, God help us, and she did not complain about pains, and she didn't take medication for, uh, the slightest pain or, or, or headache. She very rarely did. Now, she don't... She... I think she's only taking, um, blood pressure medicine, I think is all. Okay. So what does complaining do? Well, it shrinks the hippocampus, and of course, it keeps us in a state of negativity. So one of the things that I focus on is always looking for the silver lining in everything. What did I learn here? What is the truth here for me? Why was I dysregulated? Why did I become angry? What triggered me? What triggers me?

26:04

Speaker 1
When am I the happiest? When do I get disrailed or derailed? When do I get thrown for a loop? What does... do that for me? So someone who mimics my mom, so I'll give you a few things about my mom. She was very critical. She didn't take responsibility for her actions. She blamed others. She was very controlling, manipulative, used guilt and shame to manipulate and also fear. And let's see, what else? Um... Yes, blamed others for everything, did not take responsibility, no empathy. Yeah, that describes my mom. So as a result, it has made me extremely sensitive. I'm empathic. I feel what you feel before you feel it or, or as you're feeling it. Truth is your identity. So one of the things that was difficult, and it may have been difficult for you, was being authentic. If you had a mother or a father like mine, you may have had difficulty being yourself. You may have had to govern yourself accordingly, watch the weather in your house. Is your mother upset? Is she angry?

27:36

Speaker 1
Do you need to quiet? Do you need to go hide? Do you need to go clean your room before she gets angry with you? So there's all those things that, that govern us as children, where we become so sensitive to the environment around us that we guard against the next outburst, because that's not safe. So I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions. You might wanna jot these down. When do I feel safe? When am I feeling the safest? Do I bring fear with me when I walk out the door? Do I expect things to happen that are not good? So what happens is when we start expecting things to not turn out well, we put that belief in our s- nervous system. We put our... that belief in our subconscious mind and, and that's what materializes. So one of the things that I've discovered is projecting the good, focusing on what desire you would like, focusing on what outcome would you like. I just experienced, um, a court case where I was up against someone with, let's just say, the divine blueprint of my mother.

29:25

Speaker 1
So this was very interesting because it allowed me to see how far I've come, how much has been healed, and then to see, okay, this pattern still can dysregulate me if I allow it. How can I get myself into a regulated state? How can I get myself into a calm state when I know I'm going to face someone who is like the person that dysregulated me in my childhood? And so I, I had many court appearances with this person, and the last one was just... What day was that? Monday, just two days ago. And prior to this court appearance, this is what I did. I went to the beach. I took my little dog for a walk on the beach. I got myself grounded, walked barefoot. I prayed, and I did something. It's kind of interesting,... thanked God for the positive outcome that I wished for. I thanked the angels for protecting me. I thanked Archangel Michael for protecting me. I thanked all my guides for the positive outcome, for the win.

30:58

Speaker 1
Now, that could, you could say, "Well, that took a little chutzpah," but this is how we govern our nervous system. We plan for the outcome. We're looking at the future of ourselves, the future self. What do you want for you in the future? How do you see yourself in the future? Can you envision yourself in the future, being completely happy, living the dream life that you wish for, with the partner that you love, that loves you back? Can you see that? So that is your expanded state when you start seeing yourself in the future, and you start doing that every single day. It is that belief that it is possible expands you, where if you focus on the fear, "Well, that never works for me. Nothing ever works for me. Those things don't work for me. That doesn't help me," that is your belief forming, and then you will have the result of it. Which reminds me of my client, Sonya.

32:22

Speaker 1
She came to me and she said, "You know, I've, I've done all these things with so many different healers, and nobody has fixed the problem so far. Nobody has helped me get there, until you." So that's what I do. Fix the problem from the root with you. We get to the core wounding. We heal it from the subconscious, the very place it exists, so it's no longer there, and then you rise above it. And you begin to see yourself in that expanded state, your true self, where you've come home. To who? To who you are. Your authentic identity. That's what Coming Home is all about. And each week, we're going to be exploring different aspects of Coming Home. Next week, we're gonna be talking about judgment. I believe this is one of the hardest things that we as humans have to deal with. We judge ourselves. We judge ourselves harshly. And especially if you had a parent that judged, that criticized, you may have a difficult time with judgment also. You may look at people...

33:56

Speaker 1
Have you seen that video of this beautiful flight attendant standing by an escalator? And there's only one person that looks at her with adoration. This is a young girl. It's a great video. I think it's on TikTok and YouTube. She's standing there, beautiful body, gorgeous hair, beautiful face, impeccably clothed, in high heels. I couldn't wear those at this point, but I admire someone that can. And everybody that walks by her is judging her. They have a face of judgment. So when you can look at someone who's beautiful and say, "Wow, look at how beautiful you are," that is your inner beauty. You are seeing the beauty in someone else as well. ... just the GoDaddy arrow. I'm walking by looking at an actor, an expert who looked like I know what I'm doing. I'm gonna shut this down. Hang on one second, everybody. Don't go anywhere. ... page with the button. Okay.

35:09

Speaker 1
So, when you start to believe something different for yourself, when you start to believe that you can be expanded, that infinite, infinite love is, is possible, infinite wealth is possible. Maybe just you wanna be comfortably wealthy. What I discovered was my wealth, my security was tied to not receiving consistent love when I was a child. Love and money are on the same parallel. It's, it's not the love of money (laughs) . It is whatever programming you have within you about love, your own personal worth. That is what regulates your wealth. So when you can love yourself, when you know that you're deeply loved, when you can feel that within you solidly, your money situation will be that way also, solid, not fluctuating. But if, you know, you look at yourself in the mirror and you go... And I'm 71, people. I'm take these glasses off. I'm 71. No facial surgery for me. I won't be doing that.I'm not into pain, so I love myself enough the way I am...

36:57

Speaker 1
that I can love myself as I age, and that's key, key ingredient to being happy with yourself as you age. Age is just a number. I still feel youthful inside. I st- inside me is an 18-year-old. How, how old are you inside? Ask yourself. How old is the inner Becky? How old is the inner Steven? How old is the inner Sarah? How old are you inside? I'm 18. So when you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you do? Do you look at yourself and go, "Man, oh, man, you still look great. You still have it"? 'Cause if you don't, you need to, because you are wonderful, beautiful, and amazing. But you've gotta believe it. Our beliefs govern our world, our reality. How we believe about the world... is what creates our reality. So if you look outside and you see a lot of craziness going on, and you think, "Oh my gosh, you know, I don't wanna be here in this craziness," I don't recommend it. (laughs) I don't recommend it.

38:28

Speaker 1
Life is beautiful when that's your focus, when you believe each moment is precious, you know? If you have a dog that... If you have a dog, you can see how focused they are on the present moment. All those things out there, all the TV, the, the news media, everything that is going on in the world, and as true today as it was 20, 30, 40 years ago, the things out there are just, (laughs) disclaimer, are just something to throw you off, to get you off balance... to keep your focus away from what's really important. What's really important is you, loving yourself, being in joy in every moment, enjoying each pres- precious moment that you have, knowing that you are blessed, knowing that you are protected. And the trauma was then, not now. And hopefully, you are safe where you are. All right. Everybody take a deep breath. So what do you believe about you? Do you believe that you are loved? Do you believe that you are precious?

40:03

Speaker 1
Do you believe that it is possible to be happy, even though what happened in the past wasn't wonderful? It is possible to reclaim your, your childhood. I have rewritten mine, and you can do so also. Rewrite your childhood. How would you like it to be? Write the story of your childhood in the terms you would like it to be, seeing yourself loved by your parents, accepted as you are. Read it to yourself every day. There are lots of different ways that you can reprogram your belief system and your subconscious mind. All right. Take another deep breath... and exhale. So yes, I do work one-on-one with people. I do. I also have courses. I have a Healing the Mother Wound course. I have an Inner Child Healing course. And you can go to my website, jenniferelizabethmasters.com, and get my free download, which will calm your nervous system. It's nine minutes and 53 seconds.

41:33

Speaker 1
It is a beautiful recording that my daughter, who (laughs) was very critical of, of a lot of my work (laughs) said it was my best mp3 that I've ever done. She had anxiety, terrible anxiety, after a breakup, and she wasn't sleeping. And so she came over to my place, and I plugged her in with this audio. It's the sa- same one that is on my website, free download at jenniferelizabethmasters.com. And she listened to it for about two and a half minutes, and before long, she was out cold, sleeping soundly. I couldn't wake her up. She slept for hours, and I could not wake her. So it is, it's free, my gift to you. I hope that you will avail yourself of that. It will calm your nervous system. You can listen to it whenever you feel upset, nervous, or afraid. So those things out in the world, I don't focus on. I believe things are as they need to be......

42:51

Speaker 1
for us all to awaken, for everyone to get to this place of home within themselves, the authentic self, loving yourself completely instead of judging and criticizing who you are. So there's one more thing I'd like to share with you, it is my favorite, my favorite Kundalini yoga meditation, and it is simply you... With your left hand, you're gonna use the Gyan Mudra. This helps to calm the right and left hemisphere of the brain, and you can just place that in your lap, and with your right hand, you're gonna put that in front of your chest, in front of your heart chakra, the middle of your chest. And what we're going to be doing is breathing in and breathing out, breathing in and breathing out, and we start coughing in one second. (coughs) Excuse me. So as you breathe in, you're going to breathe in, "I am." Breathe out, "I am." Breathe in, "I am." Breathe out, "I am." Breathe in, "I am." Breathe out, "I am." You can close your eyes. Breathe in, "I am." Exhale, "I am." So it's, "I am.

44:20

Speaker 1
I am. I am. I am. I am. I am. I am. I am." Now, you, you can do that for 20 minutes, it will help to calm your nervous system, help to calm your body. Some of you though, I hear, (laughs) I hear your mind going, "I am what?" You are "I am." "I am" is who you are. "I am" is who you are. (clears throat) I'll go into that more in another, another show. All right. So if anything resonated with you today, there are ways for you to go deeper. Healing the mother wound is one, the inner child healing is another, and of course, you can visit my website, and, uh, there are ways to book sessions with me there, jenniferelizabethmasters.com. And if you have any questions about what path is right for you, you can also email me directly, and that is jenniferelizabethmasters at Gmail. And my book, Unbecoming, is gonna be released later this year. It explores exactly what we're talking about here on this radio show, releasing the identities we built to survive and returning to who we truly are.

45:56

Speaker 1
And Odyssey: Victim to Victory is available on Amazon, Orgasm for Life is there as well as on Audible, that is a book about conscious relationships. Yes, I was guided, God told me, I was teaching Self Love at the time, and God said, "Write a sex book." And I said, "What?" And God said to me, "If you don't love sex, or you don't... If you don't love sex, you don't love yourself." That is what God said to me. I was like, "Okay then." So it took me four years to have the courage to write that book, but it is very good, you'll enjoy it. It's, um, quite funny, actually in places, but it'll... will also help you with a deeper, more connected, um, spiritually-based loving relationship with another. So you don't have to walk alone, there are many ways to get the help you need. So next week, we're gonna be exploring Coming Home, Judgment. Why do we judge? Why do we fear being judged? And what changes when we release it?

47:24

Speaker 1
I'll be joined by Reverend Katie, she's an United Methodist Church reverend, and I'll be sharing more about what I witnessed during my near-death experience, where there was no judgment at all. We are the ones who judge ourselves most harshly, and we don't have to. So what I recommend on that one is softening the way you look at yourself. I call it looking at yourself with shrewish, shrewish eyes. And if... I'm, I'm dating myself here, but there was a movie, The Taming of the Shrew, with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, and she was a shrew. (laughs) You don't wanna be a shrew to (laughs) yourself. So soften the way you look at yourself, don't look at yourself with such criticism and judgment. Look at yourself with a- adoration. Look at you, look how beautiful you are, those are the words that you reserve for someone you love and adore. You don't wanna put yourself down and keep up what happened to you in your childhood, we're moving beyond that, right?

48:45

Speaker 1
So we don't have to judge ourselves harshly. So if something you heard today stayed with you, that is your nervous system recognizing truth, and until next time, I hope you will remember, healing isn't becoming someone new, it is unbecoming everything that you were never meant to carry. I hope to see you next week on SOS: Coming Home. Thank you so much for being here, I'm so glad you're here. Coming home. Coming home to me. I don't have to disappear. I don't have to leave. Ah. Ooh.