00:00

Speaker 1
(instrumental music) Welcome, everyone. This is Sasha of sashatalks.com. Today, we're going to focus on a topic that was inspired by events that unfolded. And because I work with clients that range from individuals to organizations, people are constantly making decisions in life and business. And there are gonna be moments in time where you may be challenged, based off your comfort level, your values, and who you are, how to honor decisions that align with who you are and not to go against yourself. In lieu of that, the topic is how to honor yourself in life and business. Keep in mind that all content presented is subject to the terms of service and disclaimers of Sasha Talks. First of all, welcome everyone to Sasha Talks. Updates have been made on the platform. You could go to sashatalks.com if there's any curiosity for latest literature that is being shared, topics that I've commented on professionally.

01:14

Speaker 1
And if there are any suggestions for topics you would like me to cover, go to the contact page and drop a hello with your prospective suggestion. Let's get started. What is honor? When looking it up formally, there are at least 13 different definitions. And I found it very interesting because what Merriam-Webster shares and different global dictionaries, there could be a couple pages on defining honor. Here are a few examples of what honor means, and then I will share where I honed in for the aspect of honor that we will take a look into. Honor could be a good name or public esteem, reputation, respect that is given to someone who's admired, that ties in with recognition, high moral standards of behavior, that would be integrity. Something that gives someone a sense of pride, privilege. It would be an honor to show you around. That is an example. One who's worth brings respect or fame, credit. It could be a badge or decoration as a symbol of honor, a badge of honor.

02:23

Speaker 1
For some, it could be ceremonial, where it is a rite of passage. Honor could also be in old school, where y- it could be one's chastity, for example. Honor is a verb that is a noun and a verb, and I'm gonna touch upon I guess both of them in the context that I talk about it. My aspect of honor would be respect and alignment for who you are when you go about honoring yourself, showing self-respect, and care for others as you navigate life. So, as we touch upon a few examples of honor, how does it play a role in our personal values? When it comes to alignment, it... Our mindset, our thoughts, our speech, our decisions, and our actions, when they are in alignment, it means we are moving in the same direction. Now, the direction could be forward or the direction could be backward. Some people progress forward. Other people may regress. You might be in alignment, but you may be in alignment with negativity, self-sabotage, destruction.

03:31

Speaker 1
And based off that, your language, the decisions that you make, and your actions sooner or later reflect it. There are times when you may come across people or circumstances that are contradictory. Certain things are said, but the physical reality does not reflect it. Often, I tell people, "People could say a lot of things, but their actions speak louder, whether it reflects what they're saying or the opposite of it." Now, when there's a lack of alignment, there's usually some form of discomfort, an inner knowing. Something, it feels off. There's possible thoughts nudging you to reconsider the matter at hand. It might be the thoughts that you're having that you're exploring with another party, or it might be a decision that you are contemplating. That's why I'm saying reconsider the matter at hand. It might be while you're making a decision, or it might be after you made that decision.

04:28

Speaker 1
Now, your observations through your senses, what you see, what you hear, what you feel can also lead you to question the circumstances. Sometimes, things look great on paper, but they are not good in application. And then there are times when people are easily fazed by the optics of something, or it might be someone or a group of people that subconsciously they might lower the bar for screening the choices that they are about to make. Some people fall prey to what they hear. When things are too good to be true, there are times where people do not take a step back to look at it objectively. They're bought in, and they dive headfirst. A few examples of where people make decisions where honor is valued is your business deals. You don't have to be a business owner. There are business professionals out there who contribute in respective places. Partnerships. These could be partnerships in personal, social, or business endeavors. Everyday decisions. We are consumers of so many things.

05:41

Speaker 1
What we consume through our ears, what we consume through our eyes, our mind, what we consume with our body, what we consume with our resources. You're always transacting with the world, and it's not always with money. Keep that in mind. You have time, energy, resources. There's always a trade-off. My question to you would be, what is the price that you are willing to pay for what you need and what you want in life? And are you going about it while-... in alignment with who you are, granted that we all are growing for the better. There is also a case of detachment, where you leave the emotions out of the decisions and the experiences that you're going to to assess the matter objectively. Some people do it really well, where they could consciously turn off that switch and look at things for how they are.

06:40

Speaker 1
They might not be 100% objective if they are part of that dilemma or that situation, but still, when you don't rely on people and things, you see them for who they are and what they are. And when you go about making decisions, granted you are of sound mind and health, you want to leverage the free will. The gift of free will is making decisions for yourself. Now, what do you do when you discover the disconnect? How do you address the disconnect within you or around you when you're going about making decisions? Ask questions when you're dealing with a third party. Request clarifications, if needed. Do not think about it through the lens of, "What are they going to think about me? They might think I'm not smart or I'm not as qualified." If something doesn't sit right with you, ask questions.

07:36

Speaker 1
It will work in your favor, because if you're too knee-deep into a situation and then, they revisit the moments where i- it could have been course corrected, they'll go, "You never ask questions." Ask questions. The only question that may be foolish will be the one that you did not ask and it could cost you a lot, a high price, literally and/or metaphorically. Ask questions. If you receive the answer, request cl- clarifications if they are needed. What does it mean, under why? L- share your thoughts, what you agree with, what you disagree with. Reflect upon the responses. Are they sufficient or unsatisfactory to appease your gut? If you ask questions and you receive answers and still your gut is not sitting well, I often say, "When in doubt, walk away," because confusion will attract more confusion. And the whole point of communication, whether you're speaking or especially writing it, should be to deliver clarity, not to breed more confusion.

08:37

Speaker 1
Engage in a dialogue, keep the communication open. Because if- when you engage in dialogue, you will get to the bottom of the issue if both parties at a minimum, regardless of how many people are involved, to get to the bottom of the issue. And when people are not cooperative, I do not make it my problem. Everybody deals with it differently. If lack of cooperation ensues, when in doubt, disengage. But be intentional in your communication. Don't just keep the communication going where it turns out where both parties are babbling to buy time. The communication itself is not delivering any value or outcome. Then you're just going to go through the mechanical motions and you're not going to extract any value or purpose for why are you even involved in this situation to begin with. Many things that host favorable optics, which I touched upon earlier, whether it's on paper or in person, lack substance and application and execution. You have to do your due diligence.

09:39

Speaker 1
If you're going to seek advice, don't seek it from random people. Seek it from people who have sufficient life experience, they have a strong track record of successes, failures, they're not posturing, if you are fortunate enough to have a truthful source who cannot benefit off you and they could tell you like it is, or an objective source. It might be a paid professional doing that for you. Now, if you still feel unsure after engaging in all the communication and you have received some feedback and responses, step away and revisit in a few hours or day. If it feels off, don't force yourself to tolerate the situation. Time doesn't improve perception. Because when you tolerate things, context matters. You co-exist with it. Tolerance automatically does not mean acceptance. But if you tolerate certain things in your life or, let's say, in the workplace for long enough, tolerance can translate into accepting. That is usually not a good thing in most cases.

10:40

Speaker 1
And when you graduate to the step of acceptance for long enough, it's only a matter of time. Consciously or subconsciously, you'll start endorsing it. And usually when people are tolerating things, they are things that you ideally would not co-exist with under ideal circumstances. Tolerance doesn't always happen outside of the house. Sometimes tolerance may take place behind closed doors within certain confines and people have their reasons for tolerating things. When you tolerate something, ask yourself why. I used to give a example a long time ago. Once upon a time, living literally doing city life, this is decades ago, early morning, there will be a drill going down the street and you're waking up at that hour going, "It's my day off. Why am I hearing that drill?" Not ideal situation. I would tolerate it. But just because I tolerated that sound and construction taking place, it didn't mean that I accepted the situation.

11:40

Speaker 1
It just meant I tolerated it because it was a start and ending in the context of that happening. Now, if that happened all the time, then it would just mean that people in, on that block are accepting it and no one is going to endorse constant noise. That is a very isolated example that I used to share decades ago when I started out and giving brief talks on tolerance and coexistence and in what context is it okay and in, in what context it is not okay, it is not good for the long-term side effects of it. And keep in mind, context matters. So when toleration turns into acceptance over time, this is a red flag for advocating bad ideas and/or decisions. So I'm not saying do not be tolerant, but being intentional and mindful of what are you tolerating and why. 'Cause if you're tolerating something that is not good for yourself or for your environment, and then take it from a local level to a global level, sooner or later it will turn into acceptance if you don't pay attention to it.

12:49

Speaker 1
And most of the time, it is not a conscious choice that people make. So when tolerance turns into acceptance over time, this leads to acceptance transitioning to an endorsement of decisions and behaviors which originated in a tolerant environment. This brings us to the reality that everything in life has a function. If the matter at hand lacks a function, it's not needed for survival, it's not needed to prosper, it's not even needed to co-exist, then it's likely a variable that will influence one's self-development or environment neg- negatively over time. Everything in life that has a function is meant there to help you move forward, to help you grow, help you progress with survival, to prosper, to thrive, and to grow congruent with the circle of life. When an item does not have a function, whether it is a variable or a thing, it sooner or later will lead to a breakdown of values and common sense. So think about the things that you value. How do you define honor?

14:05

Speaker 1
How do you honor yourself when it comes to self-respect, aligning with your values? And of course, what we are taught as kids and as we embrace adulthood, there is some healthy learning curve and evolution that you may refine your values, and that's okay. My rhetorical questions for you have to do with this. How do you define honor? Based on that, how do you honor yourself in your mind, body, soul, and spirit? Regardless of what walk of life people seek me out from when they're going about decision-making, it could be a huge monumental business decision, a career decision, I would say at least 75% of people who seek me out come from the business world. And they confess one thing. All of them have one thing in common, h- now and then, and not relatively true of every individual or group of people that seek me out.

15:03

Speaker 1
When something feels off, they'll go, "This isn't sitting well in my gut," or, "My mind is playing games," or, "My body is too tense." And they're afraid of making a decision that may be a mistake. And I tell them, "The body knows something that our mind doesn't know." And I have lived through this a few times over the course of my lifetime when it comes to decisions. The body knows something that our mind doesn't know. There is a book called, forgive me, I cannot recall the author at the moment, The Body Keeps the Score. It's a wonderful book to read. I do know I have featured it once, at least once, on Authors by Sasha. If you go to the Sashatalks.com front page, home page, and click on Authors by Sasha, it will take you to the blog. And if you put in the search "Body Keeps the Score," hopefully that post will show up. There is a quote by Paulo Coelho, it is not verbatim when I say it, but it goes along the lines, "A mistake is not a mistake if it is repeated again.

16:07

Speaker 1
It is a decision." So when you make decisions, no one under s- ideal circumstances wants to make a mistake, but you will know you're going in the right direction when your body is not fighting you, when your mind is not playing games, and your heart is at peace. And I know that when you are a ambitious, hard-hitting personality, you have decisions to make. Sometimes they come all at once and they are contingent upon the other. Timing matters and it gets a bit challenging. I know 'cause I've been in those rare predicaments. When they come, it just rains. But it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, where you're from, there's always an opportunity for you to remain in alignment or bring yourself back into alignment to honor yourself. When you make decisions that go against who you are or your values or you believe you are being disrespected because a decision is being made on your behalf, context matters, this is where you need to honor yourself.

17:11

Speaker 1
This is where self-respect comes in, self-care comes in. When you don't honor yourself, what do you think? What do you feel and why? Do you go about making decisions knowing you are not honoring yourself? Then it might breed resentment. Oftentimes when people resent other people and things, when you carve away all those layers, the deep baseline is them resenting themselves because they didn't speak up, they could have acted sooner, they could have done something, or they didn't stand up for themselves. So what happens... And keep in mind, once in a blue moon, it could happen to any one of us. Um, prevention is ideally key, but we're human beings and we also have to know how to course correct situations where course correction is an option. So when you don't honor yourself, how do you feel? How do you move on forward as each day passes? Do you write it off? Is it a lesson learned? Do you shrug it under the rug? Do you put it on the back burner?

18:13

Speaker 1
Do you even acknowledge the side effects of going against yourself? I'll tell you from experience, going against myself is one of the worst things I have encountered in the past. I know that the moment I see the symptoms of going against myself unknowingly, my gut will pull me back. And until I acknowledge that discomfort and question, "Where's it coming from and why?" and act upon correcting it, it will not leave me. Everybody has a different way of being communicated to by the universe.Granted you are not self-medicating and numbing your physical reality. Moving along, what do you do when your values are challenged when making small, insignificant decisions in your life? Do you stick to your beliefs, or do you engage in a blame game or deflect this behavior by blaming it on somebody else? You could blame it on as many people as you want, but that will only contribute to building that pile of stress, 'cause you're not addressing the situation. You're just parking it.

19:20

Speaker 1
It's like taking something that needs to be put in its place, but then you just walk into a closet where you just keep on throwing things in there, and then you shut the door going, "Okay. Hopefully, when I open the door, everything isn't gonna fall on top of me." Here's the next rhetorical question. How do you address resistance within yourself? Is this resistance a byproduct of what you fear or block from entering your life? There are times where people block things that are abundant blessings because they may fear or anticipate that it might turn their life into a more convoluted environment, or it might make their life harder for them than it is. Everybody's different, so this is not about shaming, hating, and judging, but trying to make sense of we're human beings, we go about living life, and most of us are doing the best that we can.

20:13

Speaker 1
At the same time, for those who are realistic to acknowledge that within their limited human understanding, there are many things that are above our spiritual pay grade, and the only way we learn is by giving it our best. What are the items you're blocking from your life? Is it to protect you or to help move you forward? Block can be a good thing if you are cleansing your life. Not everyone, not everything, not every season of life could travel with you through every other season of life. Some things are there for a season. They have a function, they have a purpose, and when it is fulfilled, if you force things and people to drag along with you, and they are not meant to be part of the story, then you're going to notice misalignment. It can pop up. When you force your destiny, that is not a real destiny, because when you force it, you're gonna invite more complications, more premature blessings that are not sustainable, and in the process, you're gonna make your life harder.

21:21

Speaker 1
And you'll never know what your true destiny is like, because you're too busy playing the role of God. And you don't even have to believe in God, for those that are tuning in. For some people, it might just be a matter of cause and effect. There are many good people I've crossed paths with, and they are inspired and led by healthy belief systems that help them make decisions to live on this planet as Good Samaritans. So there are different ways of getting to where you are meant to be. And my final rhetorical question would be, how do you manage situations where people and third parties attempt to influence and cajole you to advocating decisions that go against your, your values, whether it is due to peer pressure, family, sometimes it might be at work? Do you push back and stand up for what you believe in, or do you engage in a dialogue to understand why everyone has their reasons for supporting a decision? Do you believe you are respected when you make a decision?

22:29

Speaker 1
It's not about whether you support something or not, but when you speak, when you decide, and when you act upon in your life, it all begins with self-respect. You need to get behind your decision and not worry about everybody else. So, here are a few ways to honor yourself. Keep in mind, for the sake of time, these are topical food for thoughts. Be true to yourself. Do not apologize for who you are. It sounds cliché, but so many people end up posturing to be somebody else that they forget who they are. And with the type of work I do, I often come across adults who also fall prey to this. This is something that anyone can fall prey to regardless of attributes and demographics if you don't pay attention to. And the only way you can be true to yourself is you have to learn about who, who are you? What do you like? What do you not like? What are your values? Now, be true to yourself I kept separate from respect yourself.

23:32

Speaker 1
Respect yourself because if you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to follow suit. When you engage in your self-care, it might not always be true, but other people can tell that you would be more likely to respect the self-care of other people. Listen to your body and gut. The body knows where the mind goes. The Body Keeps the Score, that is a book that is worth reading. The body also reflects physiological symptoms of what the mind is going through. That will also guide you to where you need to work on filtering your thoughts. Yes, you can control your mind in a sense of manage your mind. A lot of people don't realize that they contribute to their own stress more than the external environment. Be honest with yourself. No posturing. No virtue signaling. No BS. Learn how to be honest with yourself.

24:30

Speaker 1
A lot of people who start harping that their environment and the people in their life are not honest with them, I notice at least half the time these individuals who are complaining about it are not honest with themselves. And slowly, when they don't pay attention, they're gonna fall into the bucket of the blame game. Next, think for yourself. When you come up with ideas and decisions, there's nothing wrong with playing devil's advocate with your own ideas and your decisions.Often, people are either conditioned or made to believe that whatever decision they make or the idea that they come up with, whether it has to do with only them or their environment, that that is the only way to go about living life. And then when they go out in the real world, and they coexist with other people like them, and they realize, no, there are many other ways of living and making decisions, sometimes people don't cope well with the differences around them.

25:29

Speaker 1
And differences could be a good thing in a healthy context, because it challenges what you believe in and how you go about living your life. It could strengthen your position for what you believe in, because until what you believe in and your values are not tested, how do you know that these variables are good for you, and that they're serving you well? Oftentimes, people fear being in different environments, because they think automatically their brain will be hijacked and they'll be converted to a alternative form of living. You are human. It is okay. There are times where people have culture shock, whether it's little on a local level, or it could be something on a greater level. It is okay. You should not feel bad for acknowledging that if you think it or if you feel it or if you have experienced it. Think for yourself, regardless of what people around you may think of your thoughts.

26:23

Speaker 1
Granted that they are within a healthy parameters of life there that could help you grow and people around you, and you're not harming yourself and others. And the next one I would say is own your presence, your space. Have healthy boundaries. Be proud of your values. Know yourself. Know your negotiables, know your non-negotiables, your fears. Having a fear does not make you weak. It just makes you more self-aware of why you fear certain things. Usually, it comes from a place. And the thing about fears I find very interesting is speaker Shawn Peña would say, "FEARS stands for false expectations appearing real." Own your ambitions and be intentional in your decision-making, and don't just become reactive to life. It happens now and then to all of us when life may get a little bit too hectic and the curveballs are coming, but you don't wanna react to life, you wanna respond. And when you respond, you wanna be intentional, knowing what you're doing day to day.

27:25

Speaker 1
When you're intentional in your everyday life, you not only accomplish more, you find more meaning in each day in your interactions as you progress forward. And finally, I leave you with the following, and you're welcome to drop by if you want to share this in writing, your testimony on SachaTalks.com. What is one decision that you're proud of that aligns with your definition of honor? What is one decision that you're proud of that aligns with your definition of honor? What is one decision that you made that challenged your honor and values? Let me repeat that. What is one decision that you made that challenged your honor and values? As a followup to that, what happened and how do you feel about it in the present moment? As a followup, what happened and how do you feel about it in the present moment? I'm gonna leave you with that. Feel free to drop by SachaTalks.com if there are any topics, testimonies you would like to share. I do enjoy reading people's contributions.

28:33

Speaker 1

If there are any opportunities where you feel it might be a healthy collaboration for me to engage, you could also go to SachaTalks.com, click on the contact page, drop a hello. And until next time, I wish you a blessed week. Be good, be safe, and be blessed.