Hey folks, welcome to Raising Expectations
I bet you guessed the name already, we love our new song
We're so thankful to BBS, radio television, setting that up for us
And of course the words, his grace, it lasts forever
And raising what he's doing in our lives
We hope that this last week, God did things in your life
That when you pillowed your head at night
You kind of had to say, wow, that couldn't have happened
If God hadn't taken care of it
So that's our prayer for each and every one of you
We're all believers
We're grateful that God sent us the one who got his son
That's Jesus Christ
Who was sent here to die that we might live
And that answers the two questions of life
Where are we going when we die?
We're going to be with those you love in the presence of God
And this arms because he loves us
Paid the price for our sin at Calvary
And that means we know where we're going
The second question is, what do we do in the meantime?
Well, you could struggle and try to figure out your life
Or you could talk to God every day about it and realize
Hey, he's got a plan just for me
And it includes people I love and friends
And who knows what he's got, but whatever it is
He's got something that's going to bless you
Excites you each day, something you look forward to
And our prayer is that, hey, tell us about it
We'll be really excited to know what God's doing in your life also
So welcome to Raising Expectations
Tonight's going to be another great night
We've got a wonderful story and a guest with you
We're going to be excited to share him with you
We always start off by getting just a moment for you
To see the wonderful team that God's put together
These people, they just will bless your life
I know they do, they bless our lives
It's been, we had a six-year anniversary
So I've been getting blessed six years
And I was working on that, it's very exciting
So when we think about the people that are on our team
We're really grateful and I'm going to start with this
Wonderful lady on my right
Ah, did I get that right? Yeah
Cookie and milk and on my right right here
And that's my wife Melba
And we're excited what God's doing in our lives together
We're excited to see what he's going to do
In the future with all of us
This team of people is great
Quickly starting on the west coast
We've got Dr. Paul Hall
Who's in Lompock, California
And there's Paul and Paul's been a good friend for a long time
He's a retired pastor
He's the counselor
He's the teacher
He's a writer and he's putting things together
There's something always happening
But most of all
He's somebody that people love to talk to
Because, well
Just your attitude quite often raises people's expectations
Because they like to hear somebody that loves on them
With what he shares
And Paul's one of those guys right there
We've got a whole team of them
If we all jumped together and went
Together back to the east coast
He's on the west coast
In the east coast back in Dalton, Georgia
Which is not too far from Atlanta
You find two of the most wonderful people in the library
And that's Dr. Craig and Stephanie Thayer
And you read some things that she wrote
We've spent six
Six years we've been sharing Christ together
What an exciting time that it's been
We're really anxious to see things we have coming a bit of summer
You're gonna love it what's coming for you
But also Stephanie is a tremendous
Broadly woman
She's a business lady
She's a counselor
She's healthy
She's emotional
She really has great on health
And she said it's okay for us to have fun
She wants in a while
And if you were with us five years ago
You remember when the legend began
And she shared that with us
So Stephanie is always great to see
And her best one
He has a mother and a family
And someone who loves her husband
Very much on her left
That would be the guy she's worked on
He's come out so great
He's one of our favorites
That's Dr. Craig
Right there
Dr. Craig Thayer
And he is a surgeon
And he's a coach
There's so many things we could take
And now we're talking about these wonderful people
But most of all
He's one of the best brothers in Christ
You've ever known
He's a prayer warrior
He's there when you need him
And I tell you
They've done mission work and done things together
There's just a dynamic team
And we're grateful
How Paul was talking with us the other day
Absolutely
Hey man we're grateful
For the way they came into our lives
And what they have done
And to be such a blessing for us
And you're Stephanie kind of gangs up with my wife
Now but that's okay
He said we're working out
Sorry that's it
So it's just great to be together this way
And if we come back together
From the Dawn Georgia
Which is on the south side of the east coast
I got that down
It's very clear to see that now
And you come back to a great state of Texas
One of our favorite pastors in the whole world
And that's going to be Ron
In Greeter in McKinney, Texas
That's your Dallas
That's it
And somewhere on the map right Ron
Ron
Ron
You just I wish you could sit down
Just see the fun we have
But we just get going before we come on
And try to look
So completely professional
Right Ron
But yeah
That's it
That'll do it
And Ron is a super-tired pastor
He's run for Congress
He's helped people in so many different ways
Now he works as a counselor for Christian man
Helping men to understand what it means to follow Christ
And the family
And all the things he does to help guys
Who really need to know
I'm not alone
God's working in my life
And Ron
Thanks for sharing those sorts with me
I can just hear some of the things they say to him
Just as they do to each of this great group of people
Right here
It means the world to me
I've never been so blessed
As the time I've spent with these people
And so we all come forward to every Monday night
Looking forward to what God's going to do
And we share together
So anxious to move on tonight
To share with you too
Who we have
But somebody you're going to recognize
Somebody very very special
In fact
Why aren't you sharing that with us?
I mean
Yeah
Go ahead there
Turn that
Well and his wife Dr. Mary Ann Zentron
Have been part of our race and expectation
Hadley for a while
And recently
God called Mary Ann home
And the blessings that we know
And the promise that he's made for us
Is that we will seek her again
And it's always rejoicing in that
And knowing
I've only talked with her a couple of times
I believe
But very very special to us
As will as will it is
Will has continued to be a living father
To his family and to us all
And he walks with the Lord
And gives
As strength to his family
Allowing God's complete faithfulness
In all ways
Our raising expectations
A team will join with Will in discussion
And uplifting conversation
Enjoy about the fathers of our lives
In our lives
So let's welcome Will
With our traditional
What did you call it?
Round of applause
That's what it is
I will
Will is
Oh I liked your flair
That was fun
It gives us nearly
Yeah
Will is so good to see
And we're glad you're here
And we always look back at when you and your
wife came on
Being the
He means more than I could ever put
He's outstanding
And I said that's what we think too
And you've been a backbone for your family
And you've been a dad
And grandpa
Oh you're a great grandpa
I've never seen anybody ride a tric like you
You really got it down on one of those films
It was fantastic
You were speeding a little
But it was really cool
Anyway
Will it's really great to have you with us
And just to share a little bit about
How God's letting her
You know what it means to be
To be a dad
And it's kind of like Father's Day yesterday
And then also
You could open it up
Maybe tell the story
Let us all know
And they wouldn't be all sharing with you
We're excited about
Your trip with the family
Was it to Yosemite?
This last week
Yeah tell us about that
And welcome to Raising Expectations
Just your show, you're part of our family
Well I
You know I'm
It's great to see all you
And I miss a few of your shows
Because things just happened on Monday nights
And by the time I remember
The show's on
It's seven o'clock
But
Yeah we you know we
The family we all got together
And we went to Yosemite
We spent five nights there
I took my RV
And there was the first time
I drove the RV
And used it in Yosemite
That was a very very first time
We had always in the past
We always tent camp
We bought this RV
Our intentions were
Marianne and I were to you know
Travel around
In the RV
And you know go to Yosemite
And go to other places
And visit people
So we decided to
Go to Yosemite
And in the RV going up
My
Marianne's sister Teresa
Went with me
And also my son Richard
His girlfriend
Nikoleena
And my granddaughter Olivia
So we all drove up
In the RV
So it was quite
The RV was packed with
And everybody had their seats
But there was no moving around
If you couldn't get to anything
Yeah
I had my sister had gotten some muffins
And we packed them in one of the covers
And then we're driving up there
And she goes oh
Where are those muffins?
I like to have them now
Or if you want one too
And I says well
They're in the cupboard
That's the last cupboard
Way in the back
On the top shelf
Behind something
You can get it
You know good luck
So I'm how she managed and got
Got to them
So
Um
You know we had a great time
And then my
My daughter and husband
And the newest granddaughter Emma
Ten months old
They drove up
They
They got delayed one day
Just
You know
With a new bit
With the baby and everything
So they came up
On Sunday
And uh
We just
It was a joy to be
With my kids
And you so many
Because that was our favorite place to go
Mary and I
And we always you know
We went for many years
As a family up there
And you know just
Rode our bikes around
So we were kind of doing the same thing
And um
Just one day there's an area called Happy Isles
And uh it's a beautiful
Area
There's this paved trails
And it's the Merced River coming down
You got trails on both sides
And bridges that cross over
And um
I
I told the kids
We didn't know where we
Wanted to honor Mary Anne
In Yosemite
And I was thinking of doing it
What one of the medals
But as we drove in
You know, it just didn't seem
The place to do it
And then
Happy Isles just came to mind
Because we would always go up there
It's beautiful
The river's coming down
There's an area where the river actually splits
There's a little island
The splits around this island
And then comes back together
And the falls were
I mean the river was pretty full
So it's just roaring down
You know
Over the rocks
And the down trees that are in the river
And it's just the sound is just gorgeous
And so we hiked all the way up to the end of that trail
And that's where we honored
Out of Mary Anne
And uh
Well, I don't care who's listening right now
We left some of her ashes there
So there was a tree at the very end
And I
Between two of the roots of the tree
I dug out
Just went for a little indentation
And I
Placed her ashes there
And then I covered it up
With some leaves
So
And I know it's going to get washed away
Sooner or later
But that's okay
You know
And I told myself slow
Yeah, when they get washed away
Mary Anne's going to have that
The ride of her life
I can see just
So ashes going down the river
She's going to be good
Yeah, I was going down the river
So
So we had a wonderful that
We, you know, we biked around
And we had different areas
And we hiked up to
Walked up to it's a road
Walked up to an area called
Mirror Lake
Which during the summer
It usually becomes mirror meadow
But there was still water in it
They have a lot of water
So it was still a lake
And we
We
We saw a bear there
About a two year old
And so
And so, you know
It was just a beautiful time
To be up there
And the weather was
Well, I think
At night, upper 50s
And the day was high 80s
Maybe 90s
And the sun was out
And we just
It was just
A blessing to be there
And it's God's country
You know, I love that place
So
Yeah
Well
I bet your son loved it
I can only imagine how affirmed he felt
By the way, you
You were right there with him
And missing mom
But he had dad
And that it was
An anchor and a rock
Doing the things that he used to do
You all remember talking about that?
Yeah
Yeah, we
Yeah
I think the longest hike we did
Was there's a trail called
Mistrail
And you hiked that
We hiked it to the bridge
Where you look up and you see
Vernal Falls
I didn't go any further
But the kids went further
Laura, she had Emma in a little
stroller
And they went as far as they could go
But with she, Niccolina and Olivia
They went all the way up to the top
Of Vernal Falls
And
We just enjoyed ourselves
And it was
It was fun to have my sister-in-law
With us
She
She, in her early
I think it was after high school
She worked in Yosemite
So that's a special place for her
Her to say she really loves that place also
And we've been up there in the past
You know, as family
Us and Marianne's sisters
And Nieces and nephews
So, you know, it was just a joy to
To do that, so
Well, it's not about your own father's day
How guys thinking how
Because Marianne shared quite often
She would say in the show
You might remember Wilbur
You might have not been listening
Cause she liked to get you to get rid
And she was very interested in fun
But
And I still remember
Was Stephanie first brought them
She's like, I've got somebody to be so great
On the show and she shared everything
And she came on and
And she wasn't straight at all
She was just fun
As soon as she came out and began to share
About this like 10-a-season things
And then you were there
And she turned and said something
I don't remember it was
But you just turned red
And she just grand, she loved it
Then I knew she was gone for you
The next few weeks
And that was really good when you came on
But being a dad
What a great dad you were
And that's one of the things she loved about you
And I think as we thought about our dads
Yesterday
All of us across the nation
Think about dads
And what they mean, the dad that maybe we are
And the dad that we have
Or the dads that we've seen in families
That mean a lot to us
And if you all remember that, Mike Wilbur
And you're lying
Yesterday I had shared something with some people
About my dad
And I had a wonderful dad
He
He was never athletic
He didn't play baseball
I didn't know that
But you know, we'd grown up in New York
So we played stick ball
And baseball and football
And we lived in the city projects
But across from our building
Was a pretty large grass area
Where there was two baseball diamonds
And that's where we played all the time
And so I think I was about 9-10
And my brother's three years older than me
And we were bugging my dad
To go out and hit the ball to us
And he didn't want to
But we kept bugging him about it
And he finally gave in
So we went down to the field
And it took him a while before
He was able to actually hit the ball
Right
And but then he got a hang of it
He had pretty good eye hand coordination
So he was hitting the ball to us
And we were catching it
And bringing it back to him
That moment
I never
I'm telling you right now
That's the moment that I would
That I hung on to
Because he took the time
To play with us
To do something that he was not good at
But he tried and he did well
And we enjoyed it
I have no idea how long
Time wise we were out there
It could have been 10 minutes
It felt like, you know, I'm not
Uh, it was just that he did that for us
And you know, that's
He was the kind of dad
He would show his
His love and affection for us
And what he did
He was a carpenter and an upholsterer
So he would make things
If he was working on something in the house
He wouldn't mind if we sat there
And watched him and or helped him
A little bit and he tells to get something
We get it and give it to him
And, you know, that's how he showed affection
He never said
I love you, I'm proud of you
He never said that
And that was something that later on in my life
That it was like a little wound that I had
But our father in heaven took care of that, right?
Amen, amen, that's right
Yes, it was, you know, I loved my dad
He was my father and he
You know, um
He was just a good dad to us all the time, you know
And for myself
Um, I have no
It just came natural
To hug my kids to tell them I loved them
To tell them I'm proud of them
And I never thought I'm doing this because my dad didn't do it
And that was it that never came to to mine
It was just that
That's what I wanted to do
And, you know, I have a good relationship with my son and my daughter
You know, my oldest son who is no longer with us
Same thing with him, you know, I, um, I always told him I was proud of him because
Especially, you know
In his later years of his life and the work that he was doing
um
It was
It was what he
Was gifted with the type of work that he was doing
I mean, that was his gift. I got I give it to him
He
He worked at it. He nursed it and I was proud of him and I had no problem telling him that so
Amen
Oh, he reminds me guys, maybe uh of Jesus you remember when uh
He speaks about it. I think he's flew 1520
He talks about the prodigal son coming back and uh, evidently then had much
Communication and then he left but when he came back
Jesus found the affection to be more important than the words in the story as we see because the first thing the father did was hug
His son he may not even say anything but he reached out he hugged his son
And when he hugged his son all of a sudden they began to be able to share because
Sometimes dad's want to be some things that they're not quite sure how to
But that love that came first and then from then he said after a hug and the affection was shown then they began to talk
Sounds like your dad was doing that. Anybody have a a thought on what will share in there?
Yeah, so will when you were saying about the tools and helping with your dad, it made me think of my grandfather
Uh, my dad was actually really quite affectionate. We would always dogpile and all that but his dad was quite stoic
But he would he had a whole setup in his garage with the tools and he would let me come and help and he would ask for things
And he would encourage me
And actually when he passed I inherited all of his tools and so they're very sentimental to me
We even have the homemade cabinet. It's up in the basement like we use all of it our kids use it
And so when you said that it just resonated with me so much because sometimes people show love they don't know how to say love
Yes, right, but you still know what it means. He was showing loved me, right?
Amen
I have a workbench in my garage that we were in and I the first house we bought
Oh gosh
I can't recall what year it was but his housewarming gift to us. He made this workbench
and that workbench has
been
In it's gone from it's been in several different homes that we've moved to
The years and it's solid
I mean we can have an earthquake. That's the place to be under is that
Somebody asked me about it one time. Well, why do you got that wooden workbench for us?
Hey, my dad made that it's not going anywhere. It's solid as a rock
You'll pass it on to somebody. Yeah, I'm kind of surface. They put on it that you I don't think I could find anymore
There's some kind of a little thin topping on it that was just into being hammered on and
It's crazy
Probably solid gold probably solid gold
I think when we think about our dads especially yesterday father's day
Dad
Comes two directions for me
You know when I got in the past for my dad and the legacy that you know that I hope to leave for for my kids
You know and it was really fun. I got to talk to both of my kids and we just yucked it up. It was great
I don't get to see them very often
But my dad was raised in an orphanage from the time he was a year and a half old until he was 14
And he didn't know a whole lot about affection
You know, they they just didn't seem to pour that out. He knew the other end
But for some reason God moved in his heart
and
He didn't have difficulty showing affection, you know, he would hug me and uh, I think one of my favorite
Favorite things that will always stick with me we were ice skating out on a pond way out in the country
In Illinois and I my hands got so cold
Uh that they hurt and I just teared up and dad said well skate over here
So I came over and he had a thermal
Winter suit on that he would wear when he was working outside and he ends ipped it and he said put your hands put your arms in here
You know and I put my arms in there and you know hugged him and tell my my hands got warm and
You know, that's uh that brings warmth
to me
um and one other quick thing he died a couple years ago and
He told me
Then my dad he said when I when I die he said I I want Sean. That's my son. He said I want my grandson Sean
Uh to play the battle him of the republic on his guitar and I want you all to sing that, you know
That's a great. I I said you're kidding, right and all the time knowing he's not kidding and
We had the funeral for he and my mom. I did a joint service for them and and uh, I said, you know, dad had a strange
Request and we're gonna sing the battle him or the republic and I can guarantee of all the funerals
I've ever done. That's the only time that I've sung the battle him or the republic
Um, but it was really fun. So a lot of a lot of great memories and uh
My son yesterday or a day before yesterday reminded me of uh, he's really good at pointing out stupid things
I've done. I don't know if you have experienced that
um
But I said in the sermon one time if you want to quit quit I don't care and he says I think that was off
That was a hallmark sermon dad, you know, he says I use that a lot, you know, and if you want to quit
I don't care
And I said, uh, yeah one of my brighter moments. It was facetious when I said it. Please understand, you know, I brought that back around
But thank thank you for clarifying that
But as you know, it's a great legacy that I've left, you know, I don't care, you know, so
Anyway, I think it's great being a dad and and
for those who choose
to
To be a part of creating a child and then to walk away
Uh, it just boggles my mind
Uh, you know, they miss so much and ron, this is up your you know, this in your wheelhouse, you know, they have to have some fathers
but uh, I I just um
I just it I don't know if my blood curdles if you can really do that
Uh, but it just gets inside of me to walk somebody to watch somebody walk away, you know, um
and uh and they miss so much and uh
And not just missing it but
Um to experience the joy that could come to them. They miss that part too
And so much so maybe that's something we can talk about, you know, that how important the importance of a dad and
And uh, you know, anybody can be a part of
Creating a child, but it really takes something to be a dad and that's right for but um, I just think
You know as we celebrate our dads and think about
The joy and the responsibility of being a dad and the what a super privilege, you know to be able to do that
So those are kind of some of my thoughts
No
Okay, one second go ahead okay when I was a little girl
We were living in every room on my dad was in the military and he had promised me and my older brother
To take us to the rodeo
Being in the middle of the panhandle of texas and so uh, he had gone to the dentist. Well, everybody froze
Yes. Oh, did everyone freeze because of texas
But anyway, I um
We just knew he was going to say he wouldn't take us because he'd gone to the dentist had dental work done
And he got home. We can understand where he said he did get in the car
We understood that and so we're my brother. We went and daddy sat there. I know he was in pain
He I had taken a little ball of buffering and he says give me a buffer. I said, okay
As we stick it down in his were anywhere anyway put it in his mouth and he felt better
But I I always remember that because it was then so easy for him to say
I really did how many times that we said we really don't feel good and you know, this is not a good time and
it's I kind of think that
as I raised my two girls and
sometimes
it's
It's hard. It's hard to
To be both parents
We go to your children and I worked for about seven years and
uh, I learned to
Think I can be because that was possible but try to give them advice
It's not a thing I want to do
But I I was playing both parents with my then fortunately they were adults so they get to take it or leave it
but um a lot of times
I appreciated what my dad showed me and have to be a parent
You know and have to give all the attention and affection and and everything that we need to do his parents
And so that was my set example and he was my encourager
And I told you guys last week I he told me you're gonna go to college. You're good. We go to college. I said, okay
But he never told me he wasn't gonna pay for the college
And so I had to do on my own
But he always told me and so I he and I went to school
He went to tcu in port wort and i was in abelline in harvissimans
We graduated one week apart from each other and we're the who's of american colleges university
One right after the other so
It he was my encourager and that's the reason I went and completed my educational goals
That's great
Yeah, dance or special
Wow
They are more special than people actually give
uh give a credit for I had the uh
Let's see either privilege or the excruciating painful
uh
Privilege yesterday I got invited to the church to speak on fatherhood
Um
And I don't know you don't know me but there's certain as a pastor a certain day. I don't want prechon
I don't want to preach on mother's day. Um father's day. I don't do well in holidays. I just I don't know why I just didn't do
It's hard
Uh, but I but I but I that that one in particular is because this pause is something something very dear to my heart
I I'm kind of obsessive with this idea of men and fatherhood
Uh because I I know through my family know through uh just experiencing community
And 20 some odd years in prison ministry just how
Impactful how absolute critical fathers are
Yeah, one of the things that I I uh asked them yesterday to consider is
you think about
our
understanding of fatherhood of a father
Is is is who god shows himself to be
Uh, he is a heavenly father
He identifies himself as our father, but then he does something more
I think one of the things I have a hard time wrapping my brain around his absolute
uh blessing and grace and
Just unconceive inconceivable idea that this heavenly father
Would give me the privilege of having his title giving that title to me
uh, and it's it's
it is the height of
Uh, I would even say narcissism
Uh to have that privilege that grace
And then to toss a child or toss a marriage or walk away from it
I don't I don't think there's anything
Any man can do is more selfish. Um, it is a privilege that god has given us
Uh to wear that title
But it's even a greater privilege to be transformed by the by the experience he gives us in it
And I think that's what people miss
Uh, we have an idea we have this thing we we think look at
What something's costing us we have to give up how hard it is rather than flipping that over and going
Let me look at this
Look at what god has given me the privilege of doing and being I have the privilege and an amazing grace
blessing of being able to
Wear his title and then wearing that title do what he does
Pour into these gifts he's given me
And then launch them off into into the world into this battle to basically
Establish and keep building his kingdom
Uh, we look at it just the wrong wrong wrong way all the time. It's it. There's um, um
I think you've all heard of the shama shamai shamai and yet israel. It's the uh first part of uh
Did running six
Said hero israel, uh, our good here our god
The god that what is it? I'm sorry. I'm stuttering again hero israel
Our god our god is one right and then it goes on and talks about
Diligently teaching our children these commandments. I give you and that a juby
Of you you have possession of land, but also do you fear the lord
But any and it goes on that what that looks like with children diligently teach your children
Uh two things the the the term
Shama that here
Is uh different than we we look at the word here
It is the idea of hearing what god says and doing it you can't separate the two
If I hear god's word, I do it if I hear god speak I do it
So he says hear me then they should do what i'm doing and one of the things he says diligently teach your children
So diligently pouring your children the term diligent is shana
Which is the idea of taking the wet stone and sharpening your knife edge or your sword edge or your or your arles
You sharpen them by consistently
Pouring in rubbing
Why to make them sharp so you have the privilege of launching them all into the battle
I so it's one of those I think all the who's one of the most one of the greatest gifts cost of giving us one of the greatest
uh now
uh my father
unfortunately
Um on one hand didn't didn't understand how to be a father at least didn't understand nutrition or traditional way
I grew up watching leave it to beaver father's knows best
You know all the great fathers on television
And and and I quickly noticed my dad wasn't the father that I was coming on the stuff
I there's something I longed for as a child and got to a point somewhere in my teen years where I realized he wasn't that guy
Uh, he was like, I bleed didn't care. He didn't want to be a father
And so I can't horrible attitude big basically hated him
until I was I got grabbed my heart and mine in a prison cell in port lev way, Kansas and
And transforming my heart. He also transformed my mind my eyes
So the man I hated that was worthless because he never came to a baseball game
Never told me he loved me. Never say he was proud of me none of those things
And got to somehow open my eyes and transform my brain
and what I saw was
A man who had never had a father's father never knew his father who his father was
uh raised by a single mother who had multiple men
Uh and a couple of number husbands
Uh, so no one ever taught him to be a man
But the one thing that guy showed me well one of these guys showed me was
in six in what the entire time I was growing up and in 67 years of marriage
This is a man who never left his family
We struggled like crazy with seven kids never left us never even hinted at it
He worked this stuff to the like a dog
Never had less than two jobs the entire time I knew him. I mean the entire time I was a kid growing up
Uh, so got started to show me those things. He didn't know how to say he loved us
Except by working hard for body force
Sacrificing himself. He was it was never ever anything my dad wouldn't do to provide for his family some of the most
And my mind some of the decorating jobs
That I can never imagine he would freely do
Just to make sure his family was taken care. So he showed us love to us in those ways
He loved baseball and I'm like he's like I'm like you at a
Will my dad played baseball with us once
That was it
But to this day I remember
He was he was even handed he could put the gloves on either hand and throw him pitch and he could hit anything
either hand
Uh to this day I remember the backdrop with the church and I alley and my dad was in a driveway
And same with you we had the big end to get up from his chair because he was taking a nap
But I loved it
Oh boy, wow and 67 years wrong like that's pretty profound, right?
Oh, it wasn't
Wait, even more so it's and it's thing it's Lord kind of showed me some things other when along and I an idea
I don't think the guy's different me was he prompted me
Okay, if you want to relate to this guy you want to have a father, son
You got it. You got to build it. You got to train him and so I I did I did for the next 10-15 years
Where we're from when they end when he by the time he's the later years
Uh, we were just like just like buddies
My dad never hooked until I trained him a hug me
Uh, but and then for any the rule was we'd never see each other
Don't need each other without hugging and saying I love you and so it took me a while to train him to do it
But he did
But uh, he was he was it was amazing amazing thing
One thing we learned too is
Our parents are also broken, right? Absolutely. It's in matter how broken they are so honest. You're telling the story of your dad. It's
Um, it's hard because we need certain parents
But then we also look and reflect and go wow we can see all the things that they came
Yes, and you know, I'm a second wife craig has been married before
um three children when we met and
All the statistics, you know, we hear about moms
Mom's mom's mom's but all the data is about dad's dad's dad's dad's dad's dad's if dads are absent
It is detrimental to the children
And for whatever reason society has not said that and I think it truly goes back to those biblical principles
We are meant to be correctly ordered
The man is to be the head the the woman is to be the compliment
But also in that sweet way that he treats her like the bride, right?
And so so much is disordered and it's really such a shame because these innocent kids bear the brunt of it
Yeah, what what comes to mind to me is
What jesus said forgive him free just doesn't know
No, he just doesn't know it's like yeah, that's crazy
And that and that was then this part of it the other
Part of the lessons the number of lessons. Well, I'll say it's like a semester got to be through
That's one of the part of one of our lessons with that that very thing. That's what I'm getting for you
Is that you just polite?
Absolutely
You talk about the statistics
So in prison fellowship, we did a study probably every every two years for a number of years
And then we work with I think it was uh, you know enough to do organizations
But with the numbers that really haven't changed much, right? So you the impact of a
biological absent father from the home
Uh, it's five times kids of five times more likely can get suicide
It's like seven times more likely to drop out of school
girls and without a father or 15 times more
Uh more likely to have big pregnant. Uh, the boys are more likely to rape being bobbin rape
Use a family member even
uh, they're like 24
24 times more likely to run away from home
There the boys
Tingling boys about 15 times more likely to end up in prison and even
45 46 percent more of them are living in poverty risk a lot. The numbers just get worse and worse
You know through, um, I told you I did prison ministry and that was one of the one of the
uh horrible
realities there that
Probably about 65 or 70 percent of all the men in the prison had children
outside
And then if you you start in 1980 doing prison means by the time you get to be say 2000
Now you're seeing guys who are in prison
And now they have sons who are in prison and then in some cases grand sons
Uh, because statistically if you go to prison and you're a man you're there more than two years or more
Uh, the chance that your son going to prison just skyrockets
And if and if your son goes to prison just like you went to prison your grandson his numbers even higher
Go to prison after that
So that's just one it's just there's there's there's no end to the damage done because the father
Uh, is not in the home third biological child. Yeah, so a moment with my oldest daughter
Having him for breakfast and she says you know dad we really don't need guys anymore and a half babies
I said this is chris brock comedian right to go. Yeah, if you don't want to dad in the house
You'll find your daughter dancing on a pole
Yeah
Sorry, but that's what christmas
That's not what christmas
You know what again i
But i did it i'm like you will i just i a lot of a large a lot of my father father ring of my three sons
Didn't do it. I didn't do it. You know all whitwell
But it was it was almost all in in reaction in response to okay. What my dad didn't
You know and then even i and i marriage the same thing. Okay. What did my father not do as a husband?
I spent years
decades
Living okay. How can i do what he didn't do and then the things he did do well
Incorporated those feel
Yeah
Good thing with all the
Situation as it is and all those statistics which are
shockingly clear across the nation i'll run the share it's uh
It's hard to see
But two things come to mind and one is god did have a plan like 70 said and god put it together
So it works good
We're the ones that unplugged it for one reason or another wonder why it's not working
But there's one simple thing i always love to think of that's it's really good about it
Um no matter what the situation might be with a mom or dad or whatever the home might be
If the dad can remember something if he's in a godly home trying to build it
You try to do this this this this and this to make everything okay
You share scripture after scripture you share this after that after this across time
pretty soon
You think gee i i think i got through and then later you find out
As they get older did they remember that
A little bit pretty good because they're loved the lord
But what did they really remember and that's the salivation to what those statistics give us
They remember the crazy nutty times and the silly goofy things that you did together
Which proved that you appreciated you had affection for them and then no matter what happens in this world
You are there for them till the bitter end whatever happens you're there for them
And
No matter if things blow up all around you it divorces this and the other
Uh very very difficult, but when they know that
That guy said this real quick will you want pre understand this it's really funny, but you do it very
And had some stories a couple of times
You know my my daughter called me my oldest daughter called me yesterday for father's day
And what's Amy Jo the singer your name was she's done
And she called and he was happy father's day and mother's uh came through that way and she just um
She just ended up talking for three hours and ten minutes
We laughed we talked and it wasn't we had some theological thoughts yet
She's a real student of the bible, but we had some good theological thoughts
But the fun thing was
She got a memory run sharper than attack remembering will like at very unsure
These are some of the nuttiest goofiest things we ever did and I almost felt like that little um
Actor that was so funny years ago and see me did I do that?
Did we do that?
And then you remember and pretty soon is you drawing closer to closer and and and you know I think about it
Is what what god said when he when he baptized he
When when Jesus was baptized god looked down and said this is my beloved son in whom i'm well pleased
And uh all of a sudden it was like I heard my kids saying it's okay, pop
We love you and we had so much fun. We're thankful for everything
And so you know there's a way like y'all are saying that when there's holes and things there
There's a spiritual duct tape that holds water for life and basically
Fraternity and a lot of people out there today
Thingy, you know, hey, just love them the silliest things you do
About one of the passions I saw he said that he t-p people with his kids
You're right. I'm sure you've got t-pied in your Asia. I'm not the only one that because that's the shows how much they love you, right?
When you come at your office t-p is a pure sign of love if you have been in you are loved
Oh, that's good. That's good. That's well mingling
Or a fork or a fork in
Those must be medical school things
But uh
The fun things that you did and that begins with their little kids like you will
Those films that very ends would put up about you and your granddaughter and
The things that you did together your trips of the mall should be especially
What you did at the mall
We're from the gum machines to the candy and the bike and the whole thing and she was so excited
She will never forget what her papa did for her at that
Like the things that that we have been through with our kids
And I think of your son Paul
Sean will never forget how much love appreciate you showed for the great guitars
He's a great guitarist and musician and your daughter and what they've been through and ron
I've never had the the blessing of knowing all your family and I've seen the pictures
And what a great group that they've done and the same with
with you and
Thank you your kids and everything what a great deal
Our 70 you're super mom full and all the love together with everybody do a great job
But you know and these are things that the lord does and when we get back down to the thing
They we showed the affection and we know that we're well pleased with them
You know one one thing that uh that always stands out and I think we all are
trying to
Testimony to that
Um, so will let me ask a quick question. Uh, you gave you testimony before when did you get saved?
When did I get saved?
The first time
Actually, no, I just I
You're living in New York and we had some really close
Friends and they sent the kids to this summer camp. It was a christian summer camp in canada
Yeah, so they told my parents why don't you send the boys up there? You know get them out of your hair for a week
I don't I didn't want to go. I was nine years old. I didn't want to know I didn't want to
So we get up there. I think and they made you write home every day
Might something
They would mail it for you
So I think it was about two two days into being up at the camp. I wrote
To my mom and dad said more money. I want to stay longer
That was out the first year when that was nine the second year they go back like
I'll get be up there for two weeks. Oh, well and uh
The our cabin leader who was probably you know a young uh college kid
Yeah
I don't remember what he said
But he gave an altar call basically right and he basically said if you want to subjes into your life
Just knock on my door
And it was time for lights out. So
Lights go out. I got out of the bed. I knocked on his door and I said I want to accept Jesus to my life
He's and I accepted christ
I got my home. I told my mom
We raised catholic it didn't go
I didn't have someone to mentor me all those years
27 years later. I meet this lady
She kept asking me to go to church
They kept saying no and then I finally went
And I think it was the fourth or fifth time I was at the church. I
It's like I stood up. They had the other I stood up. I said excuse me. You know got out of the
Went forward
Know who that lady was that was mary. Yeah
So I went forward
and um
And there was a lot of people have gotten forward that morning and one person at a time is being taken away
I'm the last person standing there
I'm thinking can I turn around and just walk away?
And this lady walks up to me and she goes you what do you need prayer? I says, yeah, yeah, she goes
Let me get my husband
So she gets a husband he comes over to me
the week before
I was on a job and I was in Puerto Rico working
So I bought a polo shirt and they said Puerto Rico on it
So this guy walks up to me. He looks at me. He looks at my shirt. He goes you Puerto Rican
I says, yeah, he goes me too
He goes are you from New York? I says, yeah, he goes me too
God's got a sense of humor. He knows how to put things together
Only he can do this
What's your name? I said will he goes I'm willy
Oh no
Means
So that was I didn't realize that then I had forgotten about what I did when I was 10 years old
Um, another friend passer when I told him this story he goes you didn't accept Christ
You know when you were 37
Yes, you attend you just rededicated yourself
37
That's my story. I'm sticking to it
It's one of those things that uh, you know every now and then I you know because the work I do you get
Uh, you know, you get a little jaded in your view how things are going
The brain is just come back soon
But but then it reminded right so I this is your story. Look at my experiences
Uh, uh, my kid my childhood on and on it said god
It's able to redeem no matter how bad things are and what it looks like
It's the label to redeem it. You know, I tell you all those statistics and the guys I work with both in prison and out of prison, right?
Uh, I can go down the line the same way and now look to some of the look at some of the guys that I've got to redeem their lives
And some of them like one guy. I'll say Tommy Thomas
Tommy Thomas was a chaplain at a prison in southern, Wisconsin
And he's one probably most well-known chaplain all the state of wisconsin
The guy was kind of a legend, right?
Everybody thought he was got the man ever
Tommy Thompson did nine years the first time I met him for for drug use and and uh, heroin sales
He's one of the worst inmates ever
And god redeemed him and made him this chaplain of the prison both affect the chaplain they had ever known
Amen
So that's that's the thing I think I keep remembering that god is able to redeem anything any circumstance
Even to file their complete screws of that. Oh, yeah, and when you don't do well
He's still redeeming me
Yeah, my boy son
On the deeper the deeper the valley
It's the longer the climb out the stronger you are
Yeah, man
Amen
I think there's a two-way street in there too. It's not what we teach our children. That's what we learn from our children
Yes, right. If we just keep our ears open
Uh, Sean
Sean one time, uh, you know, joe you talked about tp in the house. You know earlier and uh
We had this wonderful doctrine his wife in our church in uh, simi valley and
Sean went up to the door and uh knocked on the door and and the lady answered the door and he said
You know, mrs. So-and-so it says uh, we're all out of toilet paper at our house
Could we borrow some from you and she said well, of course honey that would be great
So she handed him a six-pack and then he tp'd their house with their toilet paper
And ever since then, uh, you know, I've tried that uh and without any success
Uh, they just give me that but you know if we just give our children room
To teach us they they will god use it
That's right. That's right. That's valuable lessons of of
So many things but we've got to keep our heart open, you know, yes
You don't don't think we've got all the answers, you know, god speaks through little kids, you know
Is that's it was a neat lesson?
There's a sign company that is in our town and it's got this billboard on either side and one side
Uh, it said one day the hardest thing
To do as a parent is to take the you out of your kids
It's the parts of you that aren't that great
Every few days and I drive that way just to read the sign
Oh gee god, it's good
Well, will
Um
Go ahead and i'm going to say some you go ahead. I was thinking about something you said, but you go ahead say something different
It's good. Oh now. I was just kind of you know, we we you know the four feet in my reach and the band of brothers training camps we put on
And when we come to the father wound
And a lot of men will stand up
A lot of men will stand up and then we will we go to them as the surrogate. We're gonna stand in for their father
and um
Sometimes it could be a little daunting, you know, you don't know how this guy's gonna react
We've never had anybody lash out
Um, we've had guys just completely break down
Yes, but you know you walk up to them and then you ask for forgiveness
You know you're standing in there's their dad you asked them to forgive you for whatever wound that father had placed on them
and
Nine times out of 10 the guys will say I forgive you
Yes
Then you ask can I hug you and the guy will yeah and then your hug and sometimes you know
You're trying to catch your breath. He's hugging so tight and in the moment you say
I love you son
That's that that's it
They just break that
Because that's the one thing that they had always wanted to hear from their
Yes
I will have the experience of
Men in a group. So we had men that were 60 as old as 65 and then harry was 82
Uh, and you would have in the room of the five guys you would have sworn
That these were teenage boys whose father had wounded them
Given the the intensity of the tears and the crime
It's like so and it blows you completely away going this guy's 80 and that wound is still like fresh
It's mind-boggling
It's actually a mind-bogg to talk but but at the same time as you said that right it's once
Um, they have some assurance that have this idea at least that that they're forgiven
They forget they can forgive their father and then there's someone else who's put us feeling that spot
Uh, it's amazing that the uh the response it just absolutely amazing
That same but it you know, it's one of these we are the
A man in the mirror. We started a thing called spiritual fathers
Uh, and to be honest with you
We've probably shifted our focus more toward
Spiritual fathers and these young uh, we call young builders young men
Uh, those outside groups outside of church
It's one of the reasons we've got to bait that big shift is that we've discovered such a great need among
First even the young builders the 25 to 40
But then also guys who are in their the 50s and 60s and 70s
who would then they have a need
to in essence sort of
That kind of repair the wounds and it's accomplished
Uh on one hand by them being the father to some younger man
Yeah, it's it's a weird dynamic, but it's it's one that we praise god for
Absolute and it blows us away
Uh, we thought it's going to be a dip we go into all this training and trying to figure out strategy how to get these groups started
And it's like everybody's same story. I I mentioned it to eight guys
boom
They've we've met three times three times and uh and what in a month
Yeah
Just just like they're they're hungry dying for it
And the moment the moment they know they have this father figure
It's it's you know game on
Amen. Yeah
Have you has any seen the the movie show me the father?
Oh, no, that's right. They're right there. We're not seeing it
Show me the father. You got i'm not gonna tell you about it's
You got to see it. It'll blow you away
and it's about
fatherhood. I mean, it's it's it's it's incredible. Um,
I'm time I'm the pastor. Um, I came over his name at the moment
It's yeah, you
Watch it. It'll blow you away. It's a great. Oh, it has tony evans in it. Yes. Oh, there you go. I'm looking at that right now
all right
Tony
Are those the brothers that made uh
Yeah, they're yeah, the two brothers. Um, they make all the
Kindred. Oh
Kindred brothers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah
Oh
I don't know if I want to see this or every time I go to one of their movies. It's like it was got algae floating around the air and stuff
You know, it's just y'all
Yeah
You all ever get that feeling like when you talk to someone like that
It's a joyful thing. You don't have to win discussions. You don't have to out
I don't know what we would say
Data things when somebody wants to argue to you about the father and this and the other who god is and such
It's just this piece like you guys are saying that uh, it's like you know how much god loves you and it just overcomes you
And it just waters me up sometimes
It just comes dwelling up and you know all boils down to this
Saying god who loves us so much instead of father in heaven. He loves you
I can't explain it, but he'll tell you if you listen
It is so simple like those guys coming down again when you talk for the one on up there at the camp and uh,
that you're talking about
There's you can't put it words. It is like
like onions in the air all of a sudden I've seen whether students as a youth pastor or
collegiate pastor years ago or
senior adults on the other end of the spectrum when they come to the place
I once I tell you really quickly I went to to cover a
Methodist minister that I knew that uh, they called me to go see him and he was a friend and he was dying
And he was dying and uh, he was on his death bed and his his widow his wife
She was so upset and she was just in tears. He said he doesn't know if he's going to see jeez
He's been preaching for 65 years and doesn't know if he knows Jesus
And I thought oh my you know Ron is his old king and I and I took a hold of his hand and uh,
And I just looked at him and uh, I just held him up close and I said
Do you love Jesus?
And he says with all my heart, have you given your heart and your life to him?
Oh, yes
I did he further got that out and I said then I'll see you when I get there and you're in there
And he died
Right there and I will never forget he'd been a pastor all those he was actually a circuit writer when he was young
On that old and uh and yet and and you know, you don't say anything is
They talked about the holy strip that there's that feeling it comes over me. I the older I get
I almost have to carry wrong clinics there sometimes I'll be watching movie until look at his your go. There you go again
I know I just I have the allergies that's all
This is probably a good spot. We'll just be thinking I'm gonna come back to you to close out tonight and a word
But uh, we all love you and we loved your wife and your family
Uh, what we're just excited about what God's doing
Stephanie maybe just a little where we've got a new website coming up. There's a lot of things happening
Maybe you share a word to the folks for us
Sure, so you can always connect with us. We appreciate you logging on listening live sharing the show
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Forward slash raising expectations that website is getting completely revamped by the way. So we're very excited about that
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So we just appreciate this family and for you sharing and joining us each week. So thank you for doing that
Amen. Thank you staff appreciate very much
Um, if you could leave one thought with the folks will uh from your heart
Uh, I just we just when we talk we just feel the presence of low-duty. We know how much you love them
What would you want to tell somebody is maybe the final thought here?
well, um
Just uh
Just seek the lord to seek and go after him
and being his word daily and uh
Just be open to listen to listen. I mean we get so busy in everything and we forget to listen
so
read his word get quiet and uh
Just listen for his
Home faces voice, but he speaks to us in many different ways
then
You know, yeah, at least expect it. Yeah, I learned that from
Mary. Yeah
Many of the mornings I get up. I'm getting ready for work and she was
right in bed
I come in the living room. She's sitting on the couch in the word
and um
That's
That's all I could you know, that's all I can say you can just seek him seek him. He wants you. He wants you to
Talk to him
Man
Oh, it's got blessings planned for you and he loves you. I'm so much
She would always share that with us. Uh, how much uh
She loved kids and how much you all loved him and that's just awesome. We feel it and they've seen it in your life. Um
Uh, well, I just want to say this ladies and gentlemen, we're so glad that you tuned in tonight and uh
Ron, it's really great to see you brother and we're we're praying for you and all those guys you're helping there and what's going on
Paul. It's really good to see you bro. Love you man. You guys and uh
And our engineer we got the gracias jade up or fine. He says he loves you all too and all of us
He's a great man
And he's what's in you all a great week everybody right there on the station and that's tj and uh bbs radio.com
Uh forward slash raising expectations. It's tv and uh and radio mix and we've got all kinds of
Things coming across the line right now and blessing some people right now that are coming up
We thank you for your prayers. We thank you for who you are. We asked gone as we'll share tonight
to speak to you each and every day and in so many different ways that uh
Sometimes he's right in front sometimes he sneaks up but always good to get a hug from god during the day and know how much he loves you and he's there with you
So uh, we're just going to look forward to seeing you again
Next week and uh paul really good to see you brother and thank you to the fair
She guides her special my wife. She's one's very very very special lady
She's a prayer warrior right here and she's uh, I tell you what she's like uh mariana that's all of a sudden she'll be praying
I
Yeah, so
Is since you introduced us to uh
To mariana and to will and uh open the door for the blessings they were
Uh step maybe you and tank each take a turn step you pray and then tank close to just
Just pray the god of bless will and continue to minister through amanda's failings
And uh, we've got time just take your time and and then he'll meet the needs and bless everyone who's
Watching tonight wherever that need might be. Thanks so much
Sure, uh lord. I just love how you work
I think you've worked connecting us in just such
unique ways
during covet during through linkedin through
Music ministry from years ago just all these beautiful sweet ways that you and are connect us lord. I just thank you
That you are faithful that you never give up on us
I just thank you for what mariana has done in her life through
The close connections all of those roots and legacies that she's left
But also all of the the connections that she has created for the children that she has had in her life
For yes
Shows from the airways all the the things that she has done to help people be able to live in their best to shine
Lord and for matching her with will I know you are so purposeful in our marriages and
The covenants that you have for us and how seriously you take that and I just thank you for that and I just ask that you
Talk to will so sweetly lord
um
It's hard to be the one here lord
Well, when we have our person in the heavens and uh, I just ask that you strengthen him
That you let him know how loved he is and that he is not alone that he is with you
And I just thank you that he's a piece of our raising expectations family board
Yeah, god um you are so purposeful
fact that you linked stuff marian
and world
enoughs on this podcast
And
Her linking with me
And realizing I have the same problem that she
works so hard to help
and was able to
Maybe inspire to something
Or which her purpose in this world was
god, you you you blessed her and me so much and
just like what's the said to
had your perfect protection all around all of us especially will
Now that she's god, I'm sure she's looking down at us right now
Just in my prayer. Amen
Amen
All right. Hey, thank you so much for the prayers and uh, ladies and gentlemen, we'll see you next week and by the way
I hope on our new songs that you hear coming up, especially our exit. You'll see us
There's a new front coming a story that'll be before you next week as you listen to the words
I hope you will time has come for an end here
But we hope that the words will go with you there wherever you are
We love you. God bless you and keep you two are all back together. Love everybody on that screen have a blessed week family.