The Deer in the Headlights

I wasn’t sure what to call this story. You’ll see why in a minute. Most of us are familiar with the phrase in the title—that moment when you freeze, that moment when you’re unable to respond. It’s usually not an actual deer in the road, although sometimes it is, but a form of communication that lets you know that your life won’t be the same.

Fear is that really icky feeling caused by the belief that something or someone will hurt us.  Some fears are justified, like the possibility of getting badly burned if we choose to run into a burning building.  People have been known to die if they run into burning buildings.  Not running into burning buildings is a good way not to get badly burned and/or die.  And some fears aren’t justified,  like the possibility of what might happen if we choose to do something new that’s not life-threatening and still feels scary.

In lieu of a functional brain, I’d begun operating on intuition, not yet understanding that surrendering the idea of thinking my way through problems instead of allowing myself to be guided was the wisest thing I could do.

If you’re looking for logic, you might be wondering what an adult Alaskan Malamute is doing in a public library.  You might be wondering if it’s in accordance with the library regulations to bring string cheese and water to nourish said Alaskan Malamute (and her sister Malamute) during the visit to the library.  You might be wondering why a public library would allow two big, furry, energetic dogs to shed, explore, and possibly incite the fear and allergies of who knows how many children and adults who are scared of big dogs and sensitive to animal dander.

During times of retrograde, we are presented with opportunities to find resolution with our past and the people who have been in our lives.  Are people from your past, sometimes your distant past, finding you during this time of retrograde?

So I asked God to send me a partner in love, in light, in service, and in life.

I’ve joined with more than one partner to do these powerful things together until death did us part.

I met my most recent partner when neither of us was ready or willing to open our hearts to each other.  Circumstances brought us together, but circumstances couldn’t make us love each other until we both relaxed our resistance to love.  And that took years.  Neither of us gave up on each other, although we both were tempted to leave the relationship along the way.