When Things Aren't As They Seem
As our inner terrains shift about, it is sometimes hard and disorienting to not be using the same old ways of behavior. So one doesn’t always know where one is inside and out. Or we can feel different in the interior and not yet see it in the exterior. As we come around and integrate our new behaviors it will get smoother.
In group we have been exploring what the holidays with family made us aware of. It is so powerful and alarming to feel yourself at times reduced to the 5 or 6 year old within in the blink of an eye. Especially when you are 45 and feel over 21. We were helpful in providing awareness to what before was about being manipulated by the parent. The child within felt powerless and once again caught up in the old pattern. The 45 year old came home in judgment of herself acting as the child again.
Hindsight was available this time. Another angle of appreciation. In this now, the child was manipulating and was actually being powerful in allowing the old to seemingly happen once again. This was a shift in the old pattern. Which was just being able to view it from the 45 year old and not the habit of the 6 year old. and the really sad part of the joint experience is that the adult has not changed in those intervening years. We are all clear that our children and our parents will always be that but good parenting is allowing the child to grow up at some point. This parent was still powerful in making their child feel like a child. They are demonstrating the same behaviors as before. How sad is that for them, for all of them? Do our parents change or not change or do we both fix the settings in realities to be without potential to be something different? We are all guilty of thinking and feeling that nothing changes at times. We have to be open to the possibility that change itself is possible.
We cannot control how others react or respond to us. We can only control how we react and respond and participate and sometimes that may look the same but the interior energies are quite different. Putting your head in the line of fire doesn’t always work. Challenging and questioning can get you into trouble. Knowing when that is, is invaluable. So this time, there was a power shift. We don’t have to feel bad for being smarter when the outside doesn’t seem to change. We don’t have to feel bad because we failed to stand differently. Raging elephants are sometimes raging elephants and might not see you there. It is so nice to think that we could stop the elephant by being still and moving the dynamics in the environment. It can be done for sure. That is the power of heart space and unified consciousness after all. But it might not be what you as consciousness are in alignment with, in the moment. We are not all Yoda in alignment with the Force, at all times.
It is for each of us to determine what this life, our journey of enlightenment is about. Life doesn’t have to wear you out and you don’t have to make yourself feel less for it. Unless there is value in having it that way. You may never have the raging elephant, or darkness or bi polar energy out of your life. They are only mechanisms for each of us to experience a range of the human design as consciousness. We want to judge and we can and the more we do not and be neutral to them the better off we are. Our humanity is how our consciousness interacts with itself and the myriad of ways we play in being. In the quiet, the stillness of the “me’' found in heart space, allows for answers of who we are and what lies beneath our surfaces. You can be illuminated by what is available under the illusions we can run of rough, hard and unfair.
Take a few minutes and drop into your heart centered awareness of unified consciousness. Relax and allow yourself to feel okay. You can probably notice the emotional sensations and let them be okay and continue to relax. Now, go beyond your emotional heart space into the all of unified consciousness. From here notice what you came home with from your family holiday journeys. Let it just be information and from this new perspective observe an event that stands out in your mind. If it could express to you, what might it have to offer you? Look and sense what happens. Bless it all, feel where you can bring appreciation and potential into the pattern and notice what wonder can unfold. Allow it to become a new pattern. Allow yourself to be aware that you feel different.