A Brief Guide for the Politically Perplexed in Canaduh
Excerpted from “The Unauthorized English Canadian Dictionary” by Kevin Annett (2023)
The Unauthorized English Canadian Dictionary: Annett, Kevin: 9798387972102: Amazon.com: Books
Kevin-Annett-books-and-films.pdf (murderbydecree.com)
And Remember: DO NOT vote on October 21! It only encourages them.
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Abdicate: What Charlie the Brainless must do.
Absentee: Someone who is missing, like a Member of Parliament during debates or Chinese landlords in Vancouver.
Anglican: Someone with a three-car garage.
Apology: What guilty people issue to avoid prison terms. Offering ‘an apology’ (which in fact means to defend one’s actions) is a popular Canadian custom, especially employed by clergy, politicians, corporate bigwigs, and other felons.
Assimilate: To eat up and eliminate something or someone, as in, “Oh darling, look at how well those cute Indians have been assimilated into our wonderful culture!”.
Backseat drivers: Ex-Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s expression for Canadian voters.
Beothuks: The first aboriginals to be exterminated by Europeans, who couldn’t tolerate the natives’ Newfie accents. Rumor has it that the Beothuks were abducted by UFO’s.
Canon (or cannon) Law: The means by which Canada was grabbed from all those unbelieving savages, church canons and cannons being employed with equal dexterity.
Catholics: That one third of Canadians who think they can buy their way into heaven.
Confederation: The backroom deal made by some rich white guys in Charlottetown on July 1, 1867 that created Canada. The four founding provinces were all in the east, and were boring ones: Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Quebec, and Ontario.
Crown Corporation: A company owned by the government that gets sold off to the big money porkers who bribed the right cabinet minister. Belch.
Deification: To treat someone like a god, like Quebecers do that putrid papal pederast in Rome. Deification is often confused with defecation.
Desmarais: Speaking of icons, this is the obscenely wealthy family that owns and runs Power Corporation and lots of Canada, thanks to their control of dynastic political families like the Trudeaus and the Chretiens.
Demonstrations: These are never staged in Canada unless the protesters have obtained legal permits and agreed to politely stop for red lights and not shout too loud.
Doublethink: Accepting contradictory ideas as if they were one and the same; a common Canadian trait, exhibited especially during elections.
Election: When people sign over their authority to a total stranger, in Canada’s case to a brain-dead foreign monarch. (Just read your MP’s Oath of Allegiance, dummy!)
Euphemism: Using a false and misleading word for something to avoid causing offense, like saying “abuse” instead of “mass murder”. Canadians excel in this deception.
Facile: To be simplistic and lacking in thought, like the CBC.
FIPA: The Foreign Investment Protection Act, enacted by both the Harper and Trudeau governments, that allows China to buy up Canada and even station its troops on our soil. No Canadian politician has ever opposed FIPA. Treason trials, anyone?
First Nations: A corporate designation created by the Canadian government. It refers to aboriginal tribes that have renounced their traditional sovereignty and been incorporated as municipalities and whose lands can then be alienated and sold. In short, the term refers to the final, legal extinction of indigenous identity and land ownership.
Genocide: Killing a targeted group, in whole or part. The “G” word is okay to use these days in Canada, now that the survivors have been bought off and gagged, and all the children’s bones are crushed to pulp and all the perps have been legally indemnified by an “apology”. So now, everyone is happy and reconciled, right? Besides, the government and churches wouldn’t lie to us, would they?
Governor-General: Canada’s unelected “head of state”, appointed by ‘King’ Charles the Brainless. The GG can depose the government whenever she/he/it likes and can issue any law she/he/it fancies without answering to anyone. I kid you not.
Habeas Corpus: A common law writ that prevents people from being jailed indefinitely. Habeas Corpus is routinely ignored by unelected Canadian judges and can be suspended at any time by the Governor-General.
Hydro: Referring to water. Canada has more fresh water than any nation on earth, but most of it is shipped to America by corporate monopolies like B.C. Hydro and Ontario Hydro. America then sells the hydro-power back to us stupid Canucks at triple the price. So “hydro” is a synonym for rip-off and stupidity, which are as Canadian as maple syrup and genocide.
Idiot Savant: Somebody who is stupid but has a unique gift, like a Mountie who knows the Criminal Code of Canada.
Indian Act: A race-targeted statute, illegal under International Law, that makes aboriginal people in Canada non-citizens without guaranteed rights. It’s why cops routinely kill native people and never get reprimanded for it.
Indian Residential Schools: The misnomer for Canada’s Christian death camps that killed over 60,000 indigenous children between 1891 to 1996. But let’s not talk about it.
Jesus: Someone who wasn’t born in Nanaimo, which has never harbored three wise men and a virgin. But its local west coast Indians claim they were visited by Jesus long before the white missionaries ever showed up. So there.
Jim Crow North: A term referring to Canada’s permanent denial of equal status to native people, including by operating two standards of care in hospitals, social services and schools. This discrimination is codified in the so-called Indian Act, under which natives are not citizens under the law but “wards of the crown in perpetuity” – that is, forever. Legally, a “ward” is the same as a child or a mentally incompetent person. Handy, eh?
Kafkaesque: An inescapable nightmare, like driving on Toronto’s Hwy. 401 in rush hour.
Kill Sheet: The record kept by Indian residential school staffers listing the number of children who died every month. It served to prove the schools’ compliance with the government and church-authorized annual death quota of between 30% and 50% of the children: a genocidal kill rate higher than that of Auschwitz that continued for over a half century. (www.murderbydecree.com)
Levesque, Rene: The first Parti Quebecois Premier of La Belle Province who nearly achieved independence for Quebecers in 1976. But the CIA snipped that one in the bud.
Lount, Samuel: A farmer who helped lead the 1837 Rebellion against the ‘crown’ and who was hanged for it by the Brits, along with his fellow patriot Peter Matthews.
Mace: What Canadian cops spray in your face at protests. It’s also the ridiculously fancy bauble that gets carried into Parliament to start one of its useless sessions with “royal permission”. Who thought up such servile idiocy, anyway?
Mohawks: One of the eastern nations of the Iroquois Confederacy, known traditionally for their cool warclubs the size of a Scotsman’s pudendum. Despite being allied with the English “winners” in the French and Indian War, the Mohawks today retain barely one percent of their original territory. Are you surprised?
NAFTA: The North American Free Trade Agreement, popularly known as “Now America has Fucked Us up the Ass.” Imposed by Prime Minister “Lyin’ Brian” Mulroney in 1984, NAFTA destroyed hundreds of thousands of Canadian jobs by abolishing tariffs and other protectionist safeguards. NAFTA also contained secret protocols allowing the legal annexation of Canada by the Americans if we don’t do what they say.
“Nice”: A cliché often applied to Canadians. The word comes originally from a medieval Latin term meaning “naïve and stupid.” No doubt about that.
Orders in Council: How nearly three-quarters of the laws in Canada are passed: not by Parliament but behind closed doors by some unknown “Privy Councilors”. Or did you think you live in a democracy?
Oscillate: To swing back and forth in a habitual and predictable manner, like the way Canadian federal voters go Liberal, then Tory, and then Liberal again. Idiots.
PetroChina: The Chinese state monopoly that dominates our oil and gas industry and owns and operates lots of Canadian politicians. (See ‘FIPA’)
Pope’s Nose: Refers to the ass of a chicken. A popular term in my hometown of Winnipeg, along with:
“Post or Plow”: A traditional expression used by Catholic church missionaries. It referred to the options available for indigenous children held in church custody: to be flogged and imprisoned or used as slave laborers.
Quotes:
“We must clear the land of the heathen and the heretic according to what is required by the faith and the fur trade.” – Jean de Brebeuf, Jesuit missionary, 1628
“What Canada needs is not democracy but orderly government.” – John A. MacDonald, Canadian Pacific Railway lobbyist and first Prime Minister, 1874
“One is too many.” – Prime Minister William Lyon MacKenzie King, referring to Jewish refugees from the Nazis seeking admission to Canada, January 9, 1940
“For all you bleeding hearts who don’t like seeing armed soldiers on the streets, all I can say is, go ahead and bleed.” – Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau after imposing the War Measures Act, October 13, 1970
“We couldn’t investigate every complaint about the killing of Indian residential school children. It would be too huge an investigation.” – RCMP Sgt. Gerry Peters to the author, Vancouver, February 16, 1996
“The Roman Catholic faith does not require great intelligence.” – Archbishop Raymond Roussin, Vancouver, March 18, 2008
Riel, Louis: The French-Canadian politician who led the Metis Rebellion of 1885 and established good old Manitoba but was hanged by the government for his efforts. Unfortunately, Louis was the only Member of Parliament ever to get lynched.
Roadkill: A staple of aboriginal dinner plates in impoverished places like Sioux Lookout, Ontario, consisting of mangled bits of run-over animals. My Ojibwe buddy Moccasin Joe is writing a Roadkill Cookbook. Fried marmot anyone?
Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP): Speaking of dead bodies, this is the national para-military force that was formed in 1873 to wipe out indigenous people across western Canada, including over half of the ‘residential school’ children. And the fun has never stopped! It’s small wonder the Mounties are called “asses without horses”.
Royal Commission: The official smokescreen and obfuscation that occurs when the feds or their friends get caught doing naughty, illegal things. It spends years and tons of money to say little and change nothing, while lining the pockets of the Commissioners.
Seymour, Frederick: The second colonial governor of British Columbia who said in 1864, “I may have to employ the Colorado Solution and arm every white man in this province to kill every Indian.” One of Vancouver’s major downtown streets is named after him.
Sub Judice: A favorite Canadian legal term and practice, meaning when a matter is before a court and therefore can’t be discussed. This is a perfect gagging mechanism routinely used by judges to conceal official crimes and protect the perpetrators.
Tar Sands: The northern part of Alberta that holds over two billion barrels of untapped petroleum. It’s also an ecological disaster zone where the ground routinely ignites. But its megaprofits call the shots and keep Ottawa compliant to the whims of PetroChina.
Treason: The act of forcibly overthrowing one’s government. In Canada, the legal definition of treason is absurdly broad and makes all dissent potentially “treasonous”. Anyone who “subverts” the government (like, by voting against it?) or who “threatens or alarms the monarch” (like, by waving a placard at Charlie Boy?) can go to jail for life. What are they so afraid of?
Ubiquitous: Something found everywhere, like bedbugs on Hastings Street, yuppies in Kitsilano, and child rapists in the Vancouver Club.
Unalienable: What is inherent and cannot be taken away from or denied us, like our natural liberty. Try saying that to a Canadian judge or cop and you’ll quickly find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
United Church of Canada (UCC): Created by an Act of Parliament in 1925 to “Canadianize and Christianize the savages”, the UCC along with the Catholics and Anglicans ran the genocidal ‘Indian residential schools’ that killed over 60,000 native children. Early in 2013, the UCC and their church partners in crimes against humanity were convicted by an international court and lawfully disestablished. So how come they’re still allowed to legally operate at Canadian taxpayers’ expense? Let us prey.
Unpardonable: The fact that a Canadian hockey team hasn’t won the Stanley Cup since 1993. Like, what gives, people?
Urbanization: Over 82% of Canadians live in cities very near to America. Silly people.
Ursulines: A group of Catholic nuns who set up hospitals across Canada where natives were routinely experimented on and murdered, like at St. Paul’s Hospital in Vancouver, which remains a notorious killing zone for aboriginal and homeless people.
Victoria: The unpopular hag who was the ‘Queen of England’ for sixty-four painful years, and who unfortunately survived five separate assassination attempts. When she wasn’t screwing her manservants and raking in millions of pounds sterling from the Chinese opium trade, she was abusing and shunning her children, whom she called “nasty little objects” to their faces. No wonder their own kids started World War One, eh?
Vimy Ridge: A hill in France that Canadian soldiers – including my grandfather Ross Annett – fought and died to take from Germans during World War One. It’s memorialized by some because it was the first time us Canucks were led into battle by our own officers rather than by brain-dead Limey aristocrats. (Yeah, like that made a big difference.)
Voyageurs: Understandably confused with the term “voyeurs”, these were the Scottish and French fur trappers who explored far into the early Canadian west and created the Metis Nation by breeding like rabbits with lots of indigenous women. Mais Oui, Och Aye!
Wake: The big drunk fest that follows a Scottish or Irish funeral. It started originally as a solemn religious event, but, well, you know how it goes.
War Measures Act: The national police state measures imposed by Prime Minister Pierre “The Turdo” Trudeau during October 1970. Civil liberties and the rule of law were suspended across Canada because two politicians were allegedly kidnapped by six guys and some RCMP provocateurs. Later, the Son of Turdo, Justin Mini T., carried on the family tradition and locked up peaceful trucking protesters for months without charges.
Wawa: A nothing of a town in northern Ontario wherein resides the famous Wawa Goose statue. You know, I guess, like, you have to be there to appreciate it, you frigging goof.
Wealth: In 2022, the total wealth created in Canada was $8.2 trillion which, if divided equally among all of us, would give us each $248,000. So why are eight million of us below the poverty line? Because just 1% of Canadians control two-thirds of all that loot.
Winnipeg General Strike: Speaking of rapacious capitalism, in the spring of 1919 over 30,000 pissed off workers in Winnipeg said no to sweatshops and hit the bricks. They wanted union recognition and higher wages, but the feds saw Reds under all their beds. The government ordered the Mounties to break up the protests, so they killed two strikers and locked up their leaders. But the political power of the labor movement grew after the strike, giving rise to socialist parties like the CCF and NDP. Nah-nah!
Xenophobia: The fear of foreigners or strangers. Canada has never suffered from any of that. Oh, except that in a recent poll, 31% of Canadians consider Jews to be “outsiders”, and another 56% are in favor of deporting immigrants, and 63% of Albertans consider Canada to be “primarily a white peoples’ nation”. But otherwise we’re nice.
Yvette: A derogatory name for a rural Quebecois housewife who has no thoughts of her own and is under the thumb of her husband and the local Catholic priest. A not inaccurate description.
Zamboni: An ice rink resurfacing machine, as if you didn’t know that. The Montreal guy who invented it, Frank Zamboni, did so in 1939 after his refrigeration business went under when he couldn’t keep up his protection payments to the Mafia. (Okay, so I made up that last bit.)
Zeitgeist: A German word referring to the prevailing spirit of any nation, like, for example, spineless mediocrity in Canada. Am I wrong?
For those 62% of you Canucks who aren’t functionally literate, you can check out this entire book and others written by Kevin Annett at this site: The Unauthorized English Canadian Dictionary: Annett, Kevin: 9798387972102: Amazon.com: Books .
And if you want to reach the sorry bugger in person and if the National Security Agency obliges, try angelfire101@protonmail.com .
Or you can tack up a note for Kev on the bulletin board in the Alley Katz Bowling Alley in Biggar, Saskatchewan.
If it’s still there.
