Everyone faces questions and decisions that require insight and answers as we move forward
personally, professionally and corporately in all areas of this thing we call life in
America today. Hello, this is Joe Scoville and I invite you to tune in every Monday evening
from 6 to 7 p.m. as we talk together and hear from key leaders of all ages and backgrounds about
your questions. Interesting, informative, intuitive, but always encouraging. Tune us in on BBS radio
Join Pastor Joe and co-hosts Ron Greer, Dr. Paul Hall, Stephanie Thayer and Dr. Craig Thayer in raising expectations.
Well hey friends, it's Monday night and welcome to this week's version of raising expectations.
We're so glad you tuned in tonight and we look forward to the time we're going to have together.
As you know, raising expectations is a program that really gets heard just around the world.
This great, great things are happening in the lives of so many people. We want to invite you
as we start tonight. We've got a great program. Terry Warner is back with us. We'll say a little
about her in a minute and you all love it when she comes. She's part of our family and she has so
many great things to share. So we want you to know that we are a believing group of people
and we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. We're going to look at that in just a couple minutes
and we're going to actually begin by introducing our people just the point of due. We invite you
to turn to our website which is bbsradio.com forward slash raising expectations.
That's bbsradio.com forward slash raising expectations and you'll be able to see the team members and
hear a little about the website there and get to know some of the programs that are all on there.
We'll share a little bit later more of that with you. But you'll be able to see there and read
about them and of course we have honor program with you tonight. We have as always every week,
we hear more about that. We have my wife Melba and she's right here on my right and she is
back. We're going to move her over a little bit here without losing. There you go. Yeah, we've
got you up in the air. Oh, the beauty of our home August in the studio here but in my home.
But in any event we look forward to tonight what's coming up. We have Melba who is actually from Texas
and she's glad to be with us and I'm sure glad you're here. So good to have you with us.
So Melba is here with us. We also have on the west coast, we come from all over the nation Dr.
Paul Hall and you know he's there in Montpoke, California. It's slumpoke as in cowboy folks if
you get ahold of him. He got away and we out good. He's there in Montpoke and if we all go together
we also have Dr. Craig Fayer and his wife Stephanie. Stefan Craig will not be with us today.
They have something that they took away their time tonight and they'll be back on the next week.
So you want to be able to share again with them and they're on the east coast there you know in
Georgia. It's great to have them as part of our family. They're transplanted in California
as they got a lot to share and also we have in Texas and McKinney Texas. We have Pastor Ron
Greer and he's there in McKinney as him. That's the one. So you want to know about Ron look us up,
get the stories. He's the counselor. There's a lot of things in both of us. We've got three pastors
here with us tonight so we're gonna have a great time. But actually there's so many things happening
the world today. It's hard to keep up. We all believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.
That he died on the cross for our sins. He rose on the third day and he's coming again.
And you're gonna find we'll be sharing some things with you. I invite you to go to our website.
The one I just gave you and when you get to the front of the website you'll see two incredible
new songs that give the story. The words, some of the words are mixed into the to the story.
It's a story about BBS, a story about who we are put together by Don Newson there at BBS radio
stations and what an incredible job these guys did. We brag about BBS radio all the time. Radio TV
they are simply some of the best people you'll ever meet in this world. And it's exciting. We
invite you to tune in and listen to those. A lot of people have been listening to them while they
go down the road. Just keep your eyes on the road and on the first one there don't be dancing while
we drive. So in any way you should be safe in that case. You'll find them there and we invite you
to see them because it talks about what we're about. We've been telling them since 2020 there.
We've been looking at what this says. We believe in the 4 F's and sometimes a fifth one. We always
talk about knowing Christ as your Savior and putting your faith in Him and that raises your
expectations. Well we believe in faith. We believe in freedom. We believe in family. We believe in
finances and we believe in a myriad of other things that we share week in a week out with our
guests and our topics that are relevant, poignant and hopefully powerful as you share with me
in your lives. That's what raising expectations is all about. God has a plan just for your life
and that's where those things happen and you can begin to see those expectations become blessed
as you put your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and trust in Him. Like we say at the end of each
song you'll find our own our Savior. She'll be finding in our intro extra that we're coming up
next week. You'll find that we want to be part of in our prayer life with you taking you from good
to better to best and the best is following Christ and watching Him work in your life every day.
So enough said that's what we stand for. Most of you know that if you're listening for the first
sign tonight welcome to raising expectations. We're so glad that you're with us. We've got a great
friend part of our raising expectations family and that is Terry Warner and she and her husband
they live there and in Dallas, Texas area there and you know all about her. She is a
transformative coach and an author. She is a preacher's kid. She was a great book train wreck
to triumph and if you've never had a train wreck in your life you've never had a problem that just
seemed to devastate you then you'll be bored in this book. There's nobody on the face there that
doesn't have a reason to read something as great as what she's put together because God takes you
from good to better to best and right to the other side of it as you put your faith in Him.
So you you'll want to get a copy of that. All that information is on there. You can see it right
there and we'll give you the website as we go on in the program tonight. So we've just been praying
for Terry and for Dave and we're praying for each of you that sends a request. We do pray for you
and we're excited to see that he is good raising expectations in your life and that's what we
count. That's the reason we're here, the reason we're on the air and thanks so much for sharing
those things with us. So without any further ado as a fancy saying Ron must have taught that to
me. It's pretty fancy but then, basic expectations. We want you to join with us tonight. Terry Warner
is here with us. We want to welcome Terry. We want to give that round of applause that you all
have something to say about almost every week. Welcome Terry back. We're your family. We're here
with you and it's great to have you with us and share with us from your heart so we can share
with you. It's been a great time looking forward to you being back with us again.
Thank you. Thank you. It's always a pleasure. It's always a pleasure and I always look forward
to our time and I'm honored to be here. It's always exciting. It always goes differently than
what I think and so I've decided not to give that much thought to it. That's not true. I actually
think a lot about it and then when I get on I'm just like well God did something totally different.
Somebody else must need that information which is great. It's great. You know
so I love the time of year we're at. We're at close to Father's Day.
Father's are near and dear to my heart and specifically my own and you know I have to say
I don't think there's anything other than the national holidays such as you know I don't like to
use the word religious but spiritual holidays such as Christmas and those that we honor are Savior.
I think there's so much about God that's in fathers that it is so powerful to just review
and to hold these things in our heart. I was reading Scripture the night the Lord kind of woke me up
you know one o'clock or something and which was great. I'm happy. I did some worship music and got
into worship and that kind of thing and he'd taken me to a couple of scriptures and one was Psalms 48
9 and 3 14 I believe where it talks about we have given thought of your loving kindness in your holy
temple. Man. Thought about that word thought was meditation. We have we have thought about
your loving kindness and so I felt like the Holy Spirit just kind of pricked me on what is loving
kindness. You hear loving kindness throughout the Bible and Psalms 103 and Hosea and Ephesians. I
mean it's all over the Bible when describing God is his loving kindness and the loving kindness is
I even wrote down some notes on this one actually is you know,
confidential loyalty, mercy, forgiveness, grace, unfailing, unconditional love, all these things
and there's various scriptures that goes through it. It actually the word and I'm gonna butcher this
word probably because I don't know Hebrew and unbeknownst to my you know too many people I don't
know Spanish either I'm always being asked do you know Spanish of course I know I don't know Spanish
I guess I look like I would know Spanish but it's you know it's loyalty. The word has said
and Ron and Paul and you all would know the Hebrew word can be spelled with a C or an S or I'm sorry
an H but it's H-C-H-E-S-E-D or H-E-S-E-D however wherever you look at it and it means conveys deep
affection, grace, usually operating within a committed relationship, loyalty involves reliability,
steadfastness and action. It is an absolute loyalty and an honor to covenant and we know that God
cannot break his word so with whom he goes into covenant with he goes into life with he goes into
eternal life with and then I thought about fathers how similar that is to a truly good father
you know I'm a daddy's girl always been always will be and when I I've had so many people come
up to me women and say I want you to know that getting to know your father helped me know the
heavenly father because I was able to put a face to some of the attributes you know and I'm very
blessed to have that kind of father a lot of people don't have a great father or a great
relationship with him and so they have the face of God to them is not as pure is not as loving
until they experience it and you know I think that fathers I thought about how important is father
and I think father a good godly father and any kind of father really is impacts a daughter
I want to talk more about daughters and fathers because when we talk about fathers
wise talk about sons we usually bring in the father's son and I think one of the easiest
relationships is sometimes the father and daughter mother and daughters don't always have a great
relationship because women are women and I love women you know and all that and I respect women
and you know yes we do have rights that people don't think we have don't get me going but the
other part of that is we we also have the ability to step into righteousness and I think a lot of
mothers and daughters have great relationships and a lot of them do not you know there is something
there that is difficult because we're sharpening each other we're seeing different things in each
other but a father daughter I thought how I feel about fathers is we daughters see the world through
the lens the father gives us we see who we are we see what we should think about ourselves
we see the respect people have or not we see and expect from others what we see in our father
if our father gives us love and attention we expect that but if he doesn't women will go towards
a anything they'll not anything but they'll go towards less affection they won't expect they
won't have their expectations raised because they've learned that that may not be available
so the father trains the woman the girl how to be the woman she's going to become
in so many ways because we we know what to expect from others from our father we know how to treat
others from our father we know what to expect from men and relationships from our father we know
how to see ourselves and how others see us through our father there's so much that is wrapped up in
the eyes of our father to us if if a father shows us respect we believe we're worthy of respect if
a father doesn't we look we're comfortable with lack of respect you know we're comfortable with
that in coaching women which I do a lot of in business and other areas for from trauma to other
areas is I see the overriding importance of fatherhood in their lives especially at the age of 13
from 13 on now it's very much their daddy when they're young you know their daddy holds them on the
lap the daddy run to daddy you know and they're very close with their mother as well but we're
not talking about that we're talking about daddies and so feeling that the pride that
how they are treated in that way is so different and there's a book I believe it's called
Allie's Daddy's Daughter but there's two different ones this one is by a psychologist and he says if
women is girls at the age by the age of 13 do not know how important they are to their father as a
young woman not just as a you know the baby girl as a young woman that two things will happen
they will turn their life into overachievement overproduction over everything but that can also
or they will also become promiscuous they will have a tendency to search for something that was
missing in either overactivity in the business area and production or in the area of promiscuity
so when we see women that are going a different direction we don't know and I'll open this up here
we don't know where why they're why are they going there why are they wearing more tattoos than
God ever even thought of why are they what is this stuff and I even see it candidly even in the
churches you know used to be you saw it outside the church I'm seeing as much of it in some
churches that we visit and I'm like what is missing and what is missing is I don't I think a lot of
it was from the father a lot of it was projected by the mother maybe from what she was injured
you know and hurt and is projected so what do you all think about that
interest and you're on the hot seat not me gotcha go ahead Ron
it's muted it's muted oh there we go there we go hello oh turn back the other way that was great turn it back the other way
basically you're you're uh you're uh you're I mean kind of singing my my song that people get tired of
um you know I let me let me um let me reach you something I worked for prison fellowship for a
number of years and then what other organization and now with a with man in the mirror and each one
of those organizations have one thing in common they got to a point realize that we need some
massive research to figure out what's going on with with men if we're gonna we're gonna help them and
when we did back in early 2000s that hasn't changed much at all believe it or not and what we looked
at is is that okay why are we have so why is the prison population growing why are the gang activity
growing in in urban areas why is a teenage pregnant rate going out out of control now there are a
number of other things that the people you have to talk about impact that but the thing they had
the most impact on either one of those areas is the lack of a thought of a biological father
household if the biologic father is absent from the household even if there's a stepfather
uh which helps some of the some of the statistics but it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't change them
one of them is um children in a household without a biological father they're five times more
more likely commit suicide and that there is the uh the study we just released a man in the mirror
called young men in the state of young men in America that suicide rate isolation and drug use
has skyrocketed in the last since 2020 right if you have a biologic father absent uh your child
seven times don't like to drop out of high school they are somewhere in the area between 15 to 16
times more likely to commit a sexual assault and the shocking thing is probably about 60 percent
of those are against other siblings or close relatives well household um I did prison ministry
for 24 years 79 80 percent of all the Latinos in prison and men came from households without
biological father about 75 80 percent of the black males and came from absent households
and even among white inmates it's somewhere around 60 to 65 percent and and and the thing is it's
worsening people think it is right you remove the father from from a household you're moving from
a mirror from a child's child's uh environment raising him without the influence of a man
those numbers I talked about with the prison population and I'm telling you I started in
1972 and those numbers never changed actually got worse by the time I stopped in 2007
of those men in prison who came from biological absent households 46 percent 50 percent of those
men had children themselves in a household which they were not a part of if they were if they were
married before they came to prison if they were in prison more than a year and a year and a half
they were five times more likely to go home and be divorced and leave their child fatherless
if they spent more than a year and a half in prison I could go on and on and on nothing is more
important than a biological father who exemplifies represents the character and quality of our
heavily father in the life of the child. It's especially girls. Now I'm adamant about that and
I'm obsessive with it and some people say I'm compulsive about it. I am because I'm 47 years
married to a young a woman who is a gottling woman with cheer and a fae still suffering from the
impact of a father who abandoned her. I mean we're going through a massive trauma right now in
our family because we have a Gordon law out the third one from a fatherless household emotional
all sorts of damage over years and years and now having a completely meltdown. We're going to
destroy her lives and I have two other daughter-in-laws who suffer the same who suffer the same fate
and now there are children grandchildren who are now being impacted with the same
satanic on thing going on. So I can't agree with you more.
I think there is and then we'll let everyone else speak. I think
the brokenness just keeps on breaking. It's kind of like wearing a shoe that's broken and you think
somehow it's not going to matter and in two blocks it matters. Now you've got a broken ankle.
It keeps on breaking and it keeps on being I really think it's communicated spiritually when
you're with people. It's communicating and when you see someone that is even close to being
nice to you kind to you if you haven't received that then choices start getting made.
And we wonder okay why did that happen? Why did that happen? Why did she have five children and no
husband? It's because every single time she thought she's looking for what she should have had in a
dad on a body. And one thing I do want to mention when I was doing some studying on loving
unloving kindness they compared it to the entire essence of God's fathering is held up in loving
kindness is wrapped in loving kindness and they compared it to how the mentoring of fathers all
those things we read that I read have to do with the attributes of the heavenly father that the
physical in-home natural physical realm father is to implement and they're the attributes.
And we live in a society that does really well at beating up both genders. I mean we do really
well at both of them. And some of our traditional stands on some things have not helped in both
the Christian world and the secular world have not helped. Making women, I can speak to women because
you know Ammam more than I you know I can speak to this situation is it really does impact. It gets
in the spirit of a person and you talk about the flow. And so it's so critically important that if
we're not going to have if we don't have the biological men always present as fathers that there is a
mentoring that can take place in other areas. So I'll let you all talk to that speak to that you
know whatever I should I'd say there is a mentoring and this and an impact that must take place.
My sisters, my relatives they know Uncle Ronnie, constantly beat on it. If you don't have a father
find some men find some men make them uh shame them what have you got to do to get them to start
pouring into your your kids your sons. They need a father figure if they if you do not
absolutely do you are you are under collecting them. Here's one of one of the
side light right. I told you I did prison minutes for 20 some odd years and I trained churches
trained volunteers to go in prisons and minister and also for men and women after prison.
One of the things that one of the conflicts we would have right up front in every group
is that we would say hey there's certain terminology there's certain uh church language and words I
know you're accustomed to but you need to find a way to take those out and find other ways to
express those things and one of them was that people had a hard time with is do not use a term
a loving father when you're talking about the Lord who want them to get back to that.
They have no concept of that or their concept of father is very uh has to do it hurt and abandon
the rules and rules and it's hurt. Disciplines too much yeah and and and most of them in prison
it it had to do abandonment and hurt and just you didn't so they everybody found it hard and
difficult to bite their tongue find another way to talk about their character of God do not use
term father. And think about it for a minute yeah I'm sorry I apologize. Think about it for a minute
if you've had a man that came in and out of your life that you called dad father and all you saw
was be ready behavior rules you couldn't meet you look at God as being oh he's a lot of rules
he's drop kicking he's trying to find a way to drop kick me out of the kingdom you know and you
also can't trust that person. And if you can't trust that person another person that represents
that he's supposed to represent if you can't trust God there's a hopelessness that comes in and
that is something once they get into hopelessness that is something tough to fix that is something
tough to resolve and that goes on through their kids. Yes you know and I've heard then women tell
hear from their mothers well your dad left he you know he cares for he may even be a minister
he cares more for the church he cares more for his job he cares more for the golf course he doesn't
care for you he is putting his time into other people. So even well meaning women to a point
can sabotage the ministry of their husband through belittling through I mean this is real this takes
place in Christian homes this I mean we're trying to be real here it does and the damage that does
to a little girl that all she wants to do is love her daddy he's waiting for him she's wants to
love her daddy you know that does so much damage so the expectation becomes other men
are going to be like I've experienced. Anyway I'll let you guys to deep subject.
Right now I was blessed with a Christian father and he told me from the time I was four or five
that was going to go to college you know of course we had a little black and white TV and it kept saying
give to the college of the choice and a little bit after that I kept hearing they're running out
of money and I told my dad so I'm not going to be able to go to college they don't have any money
and he just started laughing he says if you have about 20 years before you have to go to college so
I think they'll be okay of course he didn't tell me he would pay for it so there was other plans
of working but he always motivated me and the time I was four or five I knew I was going to college
and when I graduated from high school he sent me off on a bus he said goodbye and good luck
I said okay and I got you on the downbeat that's right just remember everything we talked about
and of course you know being a Christian father meant a lot to us because he taught us about saying
in church correctly and not you know but I'll never forget one time you let us sit with our youth
group last time because he got up and pulled me out of the queue and had me walk up to the front of
the church where they our family sat on the road so I thought okay this is too embarrassing I'm not
doing this anymore but even going to college you know nobody said you can't go to have a leave you
need to go somewhere else I go locally and I just felt you know a young lady was placed in my journey
of life and she said you're going to heart and the Simmons I said okay and I got home and I wrote
that I wanted to apply they did all this stuff they had to do and I was accepted and heart and the
Simmons and I finished and I applied to be a visionary in Mexico and I do speak Spanish and
for you I may need some lessons clearly clearly is next-vocation
and you know I never heard um my mom say anything she she said she never said you can't go to Mexico
and she never said why are you asking why am I going you know because I said when I was in the
ministry when I was 13 I didn't know what that meant I just know what knew I needed to be in the
ministry so here we go I go to Mexico I was there for two years and and uh we can't just speak better
Spanish and um I found my first husband there and that's not why I went all three there were three
days that were in my little group and I was in Mexico City one was in Veracruz and then was in
Oaxaca and we all ended up getting married after the two years uh two of us with nationals from
Mexico it won from her previous uh Poncey they breaking south and they got they we all got married
that summer but uh another way of saying okay and we as I move forward uh we made plans every
five years we made goals and if we got to the fifth yoke and we needed to another five years
I never understood that that was not part of my lifestyle but my first husband was was very
very uh insistent on that and God knew when we needed to have children and when we needed to
buy a house our first house and everything came together and so when I lost him in 2018
um my first thought was well what do I do now you know after 41 years
being married uh I I felt lost for the first time in my whole life I thought where am I going
what am I going to do and then the phone would bring we need for you to be the national VBS
Hispanic leader so that we can start looking at different states and see what their needs are
and send them material I said okay and I did that until covid hit I started in January and by
March 1st I'll be that of a job so uh but I ended up giving them a good uh view of what our states
needed and uh and so I moved forward I said okay god now what what's next you know in every time
then I started my own prayer ministry and just asked out on facebook facebook how can I pray for
you and I started getting everybody responding and needing and I thought okay well I could do this
you know and I did that for years and I continued with that and so I began to pray for a new
health rate and I kept the doors kept closing the doors kept closing and nobody was interested in
me I thought okay lord I'm content if there's nobody else out there for me I will be content
with who I am and where I am well within the next year I came on the program and my testimony and
then six months ago we got married so I sat in my apartment in Fort Worth and I said lord how is
this happening and he said this is what you asked for you need to recognize it that you pray and I
prayed specifically he needed to be certain height he needed to have a head of air he had to be
noted and I checked for everything with him so you know god has been good to us and it is a blessing
when you experience how god answers your prayers but that's what my dad was and he told me one
time he says I've always wanted to go on a mission field but I have five kids I said well
it should have started that you know four kids ago and or at least three that include me and my
brother and and so he said but I'm seeing how god works to all of you I said with any that's because
you taught us you know he taught us how to tie even though he wrote out the main check we always
got to die in our little envelope and we could put that in the offering plate you know he taught
us to be committed to the church submitted to Christ and then be active in the church I started
playing piano at 10 and within a year I was playing in the church and I was playing for duets and
all of what we used to have the assembly time and I would be at the adults I'd be at the youth
I'd be over here and over there and finally get to go to Sunday school but god prepared that
journey for me and not once did I say I can't do this you know and every challenge he put before me
he helped me get through it and so it's the way he works you know and when he said well this is
to ask for I said okay I remember this so you know he works in mysterious ways but when he answers
he answers and and what has kept you know my thing you know but you had a good life
I can't hear it's so thank you thank you for sharing it's great Joe what about you
well I just listening to all this and of course Harry Mel was sharing testimony and
in come back with Paul Dr. Hall and myself all those years back way back in school years ago
and then all the youth ministries and then becoming a youth Christian High School principal and then
working with senior adults looking at the whole gamut and everything you're saying Terry and the
things that you've been sharing Ron and I just it just lines up it seems like
seems like so many of the kids looking back and thinking of the gals that were in youth groups
in ministry just you know neither is exactly what you're saying and we're looking for what Ron addressed
and they got frustrated at the point of if I can't figure this out then the best thing that I can do
is figure out who to blame each and every day for every single problem and whether we were
one time I had a youth ministry at 600 high school kids and where that just compounded the
problem Ron trying to figure out what the guys and the dads and everything else but we really
stressed that of course Dr. Sands who was a senior pastor that time we he was very much like Ron
and a lot of great moms like you Terry sharing the same thing and just like Melba would do you
sharing with him but I keep thinking the importance of really teaching them somehow I don't know how
you do this to this day I don't where they can say one it may not change yet but I can be patients
because I trust God and two while I'm struggling to be patient because I don't know who I am it
scares me the relief from that situation and the calm that will come will not come from blaming
someone else blaming others for my problems never answered them for me and never brought me to
who God wants me to be that's why the relationship with Jesus to have those expectations raised
comes from hearing his voice like he said Terry one in the morning or a lot of times Stephanie will
say I run like at the last watch God always deals with I got high school in collegiate a lot
of collegiate here they know Pastor Joe Middle of the night I finished studying for John Get
some sleep no not now you're done okay let's talk about this and that's when God talks so
you know that answer is really there and I think the thing that we can do unless we are counselors
or trainers like you Terry and done a lot of counseling with the men Ron like you've held
and Paul as a pastor it's just love everybody the most we know how bees Christ like the most we know
how don't lose your temper with people if somebody wants to unload on you like we've all kind of
loaded that and just just let God go look at that look at these two guys they look like it's never
happened but you know you know that gets the biggest thing I learned from that Terry especially
with these girls who struggle I had two daughters that mean the world to me and it was always about
you are who you are you're so special to God no matter what and it's not because you're special
that I rejoice that you're my daughters because of who you are I love you for who you are and I
can't wait to see what God wants to do as you tell me about it so I'm not checking in with God for you
for your plans but I love hearing what he's saying to you no matter what it is if it's up or down
good or bad your dad's always hearing like I shared with you my therapy room the office I
had with my kids growing up was the hot tub they never asked for Ron they'd never say dad what's
he did you say hey pop you want to go hot tub the last thing I felt like sometimes was going there
and sometimes when two or three of them at the same time on it then I turned into the California
race and but anyway that's where they sit back and I was always grateful that something got
allowed me to listen to do right where they felt safe to just talk about it oh they get angry sometimes
and they get mad sometimes I never drew lines I said uh or you're gonna draw the line there
what's your idea how are you gonna take where you're first you're right now and give it to God
and just how are you gonna wait enough lame others you can blame me if you want because I'm your dad
now you used to always say you want to blame me it's okay then blame me but you don't even know
what this is about I said okay then don't blame them or it is or but yeah so I'm really here what
you're saying one with dads and and and the home I think about you every time I look at the news
all the way back to president johnson and these things and then terry when it comes to understanding
gals about your life and and your daddy's this a precious guy so yeah good topic right
okay what about you dr. paul you know what I had a really cool experience yesterday at a phone call
it was my daughter she's 40 44 now 44 years old and she started talking about what's going on in
her life and I could hear the brokenness of her heart and I think that breaks a dad's heart you
know when you see your your daughter broken because she's dealing with her children who are
being children kind of things like that but I just like to pose a question and maybe Ron you can
jump in here as well I read I heard one time with it's a simple thing to make things complex but
it's very complex to make things simple and so I don't know whether our society is more
complex than it used to be or it's more messed up than it used to be or it's always been messed up
and we haven't recognized it you know or you know wherever we're living in this but one of the things
that I I hear about is gender identity so Ron in in all of your
research and things like that with men in the mirror how does gender identity fit into
the picture you know when when a father is not present and you've got a you've got a female a girl
who's wrestling with those kind of things I mean have you you guys explored that I mean
well we we haven't explored the minister but our research on hasn't but another organization that
I I'm associated with I've been you know working on it for a number of years and the reason for
the explosion is still it's still indeed tied to the lack of strong of father figures in the in
kids lives it it's and I feel there are single mothers getting mad every time I say it but
there are there are certain things that a mother cannot give a son or a daughter
God is God didn't design him that way and when those areas are lacking one is an area of identity
including both their gender or sexual identity and others right if there isn't a strong solid
base built there for their identity then the lies that come from the culture
can easily sway them they have this desire for it to be to be belong to have value
to be accepted and wanted and then and this idea of identifying with something of somebody
right and all those things are necessary right if I don't have those these lies and
out from the outside creeping in saying you can belong you can be something you can it's it they
buy into the lie there's no guard there right and we've taken the guard away again that I
I know I know I've sound obsessive but there are numerous problems we have throughout
society to this day all related to this destruction of manhood and and and we find it sometime people
are said well it's puzzling and it's hard to figure out and I asked them going back to the first book
of the Bible what was the first attack Satan launched and then what was the second attack the
first attack was on masculinity manhood fatherhood husband second attack is on the marriage
the third attack is the extension of that on the children on the family he has never stopped
if I want to destroy what God has put in place I need to destroy men and destroy destroy a
marriage relationship destroy any sense of dominion that I created this men to have
and you can go through again from Genesis throughout God's instruction and his warnings
are hardly ever to to women or to anybody else he says men in june around him he sits
I today I give you this this law right make sure you don't depart from it and it says men
here the god your god is is everything right oh he is one
love the Lord your god with all your heart all your soul and all your might the very next thing
it says men now diligently teach these to your children when you good when they get up in the
morning when they go about their way when you sit down you are to continuously diligently
intentionally teach you to your children he says but in the day that you stop doing that
he tells them what would happen every single year he tells them in come up to the temple and offer
a sacrifice and do not come empty handed I'll take care of your wife and kids and I'll protect
your land right but the year you do not do this I will curse your people
twice he did that twice he told him that and he has never stopped if you destroy and Satan knows
if you destroy the man you destroy the fatherhood you'll destroy the rest of God's creation
that's his plan it has not changed if we do not restore biblical masculinity and fatherhood
nothing we do will stop it it will not and I've been saying the same thing for 28 years
worse and worse and worse because the church isn't listening you know have you found in your
research as well and Terry you can jump on this too because I know that you've got a you know a
lot of insight on this but I remember this 70s well okay that's you know the 70s but
it appears to me oh yeah I think we were all there yeah somebody said if you remember the 60s
you weren't there but anyway you know remembering the 70s it appears to me that in the 70s early 70s
there was such a cultural shift in terms of I am and I don't want to be offensive in any way
but there was a shift of saying I am woman hear me roar in numbers you big two ignore
and Helen ready went to number one with it and it just seemed like it was book after book after
book and a attack after attack after attack on masculinity and my perception is that men
lost themselves and men today don't know exactly what it means to be a man
you know and male and it's poorly defined and so we're looking at what a 50 year a 50 year move
of trying to recover and but yeah here's here's can I can I try me to do one thing
yeah this is a when you get a chance google a look up the root of the beginning of the feminist
movement yeah it didn't start here yeah you'll find it in Soviet Russia
Prime Minister country and it was transplanted here like you said late 60s on into the 70s
yeah and then you ask yourself if it's for the Russian or communist
Marx's movement idea yeah what what what's the result of that yeah yeah and I think also that
the ahab spirit in the Jezebel spirit has been predominant it was in to me from my perspective
it was in the Garden of Eden you know Adam we can argue about it but Adam didn't take enough
enough responsibility he threw his wife under the bus who he didn't even really know yet they threw
under the bus and so they're got allegedly allegedly allegedly yeah right allegedly
through in the bus yeah according to scripture if we're calling scripture alleged then we got
a whole nother problem so he didn't take his stand yes and so she did and I believe that spirit
is ongoing it's in our churches it's everywhere we look it is and it's not a gender spirit we don't
even have enough knowledge of this and I'm talking about ministers and theologians and etc to even
know that it's not a gender spirit all women are not Jezebel's and all men are not ahabs
it's not even a gender spirit because actually there's no such thing but I have been on Facebook
groups of a large organizations where they have been quite brutal about women oh you Jezebel's
I'm like you guys don't even know that it's not a gender okay FYI and so it is present and I really
believe in leadership as well as other places the ahab spirit is just radically taken over no one
took their position away they advocated their position because if you look at the early churches
saying let's say in the 70s the 60s you know even earlier the men were not present in the church
the women were present in the church because the men were working or whatever reason and so
there got to be this situation going on in a lot of the small you know the national average for a
fundamental church is 120 people to this day and so that's not a lot of people in America
outside America some of those same fundamental churches are much much larger they're not 120
people and so I think this dynamic my personal opinion is the dynamic has taken place but also
look at this and I am like the most non-feminist woman you'll ever meet you don't open my door
you must be you need to you know your leg must be broken your hand must be deformed there must be
a problem but women have foolishly given up their right to be attended to their right to be to
have that man attend to them and then vice versa to do the same and so I think when we've got this
going on but you look on the 70s what happened in the 70s abortion happened in the 70s
I remember I was in high school and I wanted to I wanted to march against abortion
and I was told by multitude pastors multiple pastors oh no it's never going to really happen
we're not even paying attention to that I'm like dude this is happening so now we have that we also
have the women who were feminist and my question is where are they yes where are they now my question
is you know if you're worried about your body why are you not worried about someone who's going to
look like you who is going to be someone you mentor if you care about women why don't you like little
women they get to be big women and they're the ones taken your place and so now we've got this
going on and I could with what we've got going on in America right now that is against if it continues
like it's going it's going to be against women it's against you too it's against all you men too
but not like it is women the other what is happening in the invasion in America what is happening
with this invasion of really I don't want to be unpolitical correct here so anybody wrong and
I am the same page because what happens to the little girls and the women
is bondage and what I'm reminded of and I know this is kind of off target maybe
I felt like the Lord reminded me of I used to teach in second Sammy on the story of Ziggalag
and the thing that bothered me about the story of Ziggalag was not some of the things bother
other people which is very typical what bothered me was this one part of a scripture that said
and the children the women and the children were taken captive Ziggalag David took half of the men
because the other half were not able to stay that is when they created the law that you didn't have
to be in a military effort to reap the rewards that was the first time that was ever done they
went into another land to fight another battle and I'm for what we're doing in our country you know
as far as the battles we're fighting but went into another country while he was there protecting
that country the influx of the enemy came pilford burned down the village and took the women
and the children and he kept him captive and I mean if we can't see I'm not saying you have to agree
with me but yeah you do kind of anyway no I don't think I'm joking I'm joking I'm joking
peace all of it okay so peace be unto you and your is if we can't see a parallel of where we're at
in some areas some dynamics I think that is very much I want all the people in other countries that
are finding Christ I want their relatives to find Christ here too I want us to have that revival
too I want Christ to appear in dreams here too to all the people and I believe that's what's going
to happen as what we're holding for but you look at I'm wondering where are the women
you want to march about killing your children why aren't you marching about other things if that's
going to be your answer I'm not saying that is the answer but I am saying we're not seeing
what we need to see we're not seeing what we need to see about the genders and about
the mother the father about the importance about what daughters are looking for what sons are
looking for and you know Ron and I had a great conversation one day that we was quite long that
we talked about how mothers are not do not have the capacity to raise a child a boy a boy child
to your boys boy child to become a husband you know we don't know how to do that to raise how do
you raise a son to be a husband we know how to raise him to be a son yes but we don't know how
to raise him to be a man we don't know how to raise him to be a husband but a lot of women do the
best they can yeah yes yes and so when the husband when the father's not in the home that
abandonment issue that like what's wrong with me why is my dad not here yes yes that why so I'm
going to find something that makes me feel like there's nothing wrong with me is it promiscuity
promiscuity excuse me is it drugs is it connecting to a cult that makes me feel like I've got a dad
there I've got somebody that's taken care of me because I wasn't taken care of that kind of feeling
then they go into the cults and the gangs and they have to die to get out
yeah and so what is missing and I would love some answers on how do we put a mentoring program
what do we do I mentor older women you know like you know that are you know in work at 30 40 50 and
so but I don't really mentor young women but I would tell you that I was raised as similar as
God and as similar as God had the mission hits and I will tell you I loved the women leading the
mission hits that were like mentors because sometimes girls and maybe boys are the same I don't know
but girls listen to someone who's not their mom sometimes more than they listen to their mom
you know so my mother had someone in her life like that I had somebody in my life like
in different areas of my life but how do we do that I mean that's a real question like how do we do
that what do we do okay you tell me how we do it for women I want to know how we do it for women
I'm my man but
talking about daddies and girls okay women can use it also okay good those you listening go to maninamira.com
look for a spiritual father's the other the other one is called
iron circle and then we have the other one it's the other one there is
um uh called ritual so we have a number of resources designed to we put in the hand of a man to
intentionally mentor or disciple another young man and it's for men because that's our focus but
there's nothing that says that women can't use the same same material it's a conversation
I wonder if there are men women organizations like meninamira I'm like women in the spa I think
that would be a great name I may start that organization do so there you go there you go
because I mean you you hit in something and then again so all of this this thing this uh
spiritual fathers uh the mentoring and then uh iron circles all of that flowed out of
again this study we we started uh probably five or six years ago
like because our our organization has a benefit of being being having hands-on contact
with you know probably 80,000 so you get the real information yeah and you and you've been so
one and we so we know the trends things that happen uh because of all of us around the country we
talking is okay here's some trends one of them is we're seeing churches losing young men in the
droves and it started some years ago and it kept going and and lord knows uh covid just just
just devastated yeah and so you did its job yeah so you had this this uh the fastest growing
group in america what we what they finally started calling the nuns uh they're young men in
particular young people but more young men than than any who no longer had any uh affiliation
with any church they still referred themselves as christians but they were not a part of a
christian group or congregation uh they had left they found no relevance in the church now now
surprisingly our new study uh we just finished the new year show that young men are coming back
young men not so much but now the crisis now we have is the very churches they left haven't
changed anything yes young men are coming back looking for significance and relevance because
they've they've seen what's happening out here and now they're not finding it so our our efforts
have been to try to equip churches and try to alert them that listen you have an audience you have a
mission you have something that you have to all you need to offer to these young men and and most
of that is that is the old gray guy sitting in the pews doing nothing um and it's it's and the thing
that trying to get them away from this idea that you have to be some trained theologian in order to
to mentor or disciple young person and our deal is no all you have to do is have some maybe a few
gray hairs a couple scars and some stupid stuff you've done or that you've learned from over your life
right and sit and talk with a young man because to tell them listen around that corner and down
that here is a is a hole in a cliff i fell off and here's a scar so son you want to avoid that you
know that's right for this marriage whether it's it's it and even if you if you've completely screwed
it up you now are valuable resource to god to some young men how can i keep this young get this young
man of these young men hopefully young men from making the mistake i made in my 20s and 30s
because you know we all have those stories going i wish i could go back to 25 and know what i know
now and redo it really a lot i would love to but we can but i can through these young men that i'm
i'm i'm meeting with regularly sharing my life with so anyway those resources are there uh
men in the mirror or spirit your fathers uh look at our resource page there and you'll you'll find
those things and it again we make it as simple as possible yeah i want to throw one thought in there
too just is there any value in this um because boy do i believe with what y'all are saying and
Ron knows that too is there a value in major denominations evangelical denominations not those
who as uh Ron like that arkley of the day have perverted the gospel but those who follow the
gospel is there any value in them finding a way to spend less time on their denominational discrepancies
and problems and meetings and lunches and conferences and congressional things whatever they call it
and start getting in their own backyard where they are and using the internet back and forth with
their leaders to do exactly what Ron just said and wouldn't that be showing up very fast i
i read a report this week again like you said Ron where men are the largest group of young men
in america both groups at zng i guess boys are coming back into the churches but boy it's sad to hear
that they're not getting those needs met would there not be more value in that and getting in and
building the churches that we don't worry about how you did it before closed door on the way looked
and opened the bible in front of you and look at who's in front of you like wahner sand and like
you said to those ladies go in this spot with them what about that really planning on that but
yeah i was planning on going to spot but not necessarily but you're before i didn't know hey
don't don't discount the idea never know never know i think my personal my personal opinion is
that the large denominations had better get with it yes because if they don't get with it they're
the dinosaur we won't even visit into zoo i mean they've got to get with it they're dying that's
why they're dying preaching at people is not working yes creating stages that are the rooms are dark
and the sound is so loud you have to stay in your car because you can't even use an ear muff to get
through the service you're in part of young people can't yeah and so we have to when you've lost and
i'm you know it was raised in a denomination i believe they have a lot of merit but the problem
is if you're going to still act like everybody hears and does and moves and lives like they did
when you were 12 you're missing the boat yes you're not relative yeah you're relevant
and so really reaching out to people and find out what people need to be reached with not what
they're not teaching at them right yeah we've got to understand and understand that your role
is for all people yes and i'm telling you there is just not the bandwidth
we wonder what are we going to get ten minutes left Ron we got ten minutes just leave us there
we had as much time as we wanted we're going to get out of 2015 we got a 17 but Ron you go ahead
and Paul will be thinking about that bring us out in for Terry would you Paul let's uh know
Ron go ahead
one of the uh one of the well say part of the major
one of the major problems with with church leadership is that and we have to keep in mind right
so the average average pastor of a church now is somewhere between 35 and 45 and you think about
okay 35 and 45 and maybe in the 50s right yeah what era had that that he or he grew up in or she grew
up in right and unfortunately unfortunately those statistics about the absent father
pastors haven't haven't escaped that right so the things that we're we're expecting pastors and
leaders to to do and to teach and recognize they didn't have right you don't learn and there's
there's no class in seminary that teaches teaches about effective fatherhood about the biblical
manhood it's not and if i don't have it again i'm gonna tell you frustration on my job
i i want to sit and talk with a pastor gain his trust and say okay now how can i serve and help you
reach and disciple men right and there's always a deer in the hitlight or i get the guy who
pretends like he knows he rattles on about something that's completely out and he's never going to admit
that i don't know yes right it's it's so it's so weird that's my my sort of focus now is twofold
teaching pastors about biblical manhood and discipleship and then at the same time doing it
outside the church at the same time it's it's it's mind-boggling to me that the the command
the great commission for every single Christian is to go and make disciples the great command
commission outlined by the church is bring as many people in this building as you can
yeah yeah and i asked the question i would really prefer they bring with me
i really prefer those people you bring agree with me sure that is what we're looking at
and um i agree with everything you're saying i also believe that if you're a leader
and if that's where you call yourself you know there's called and there's called
ourselves you know that they that there really is a skill leadership is not a trait
leadership is not a talent it is a skill and skills have to be learned they're not caught and
taught they're learned and they're learned through intentional study finding the people
finding doing research looking at i think what has happened also is there's such a
fragmentation of attention intention because where your intention is your attention will follow
there's such a lack of intention and i'm not talking about just with leaders i'm talking
all over the place we are internet over informed over fractal you know we're fragmented our spirit
is fragmented you can't pay attention for 12 seconds if there's we have to have all these things to
entertain and to and to have the intention to go deep we've got this fragmentation where we don't
think deep we don't go deep we don't look for deep things and when something gets deep we ignore it
and go up higher away from the depth and because we're some of this we're not training and some of
it is there's not the intention there are literally millions of books on how to do certain parts of
what you're talking about certain parts of what i'm talking about uh they're all over the place
but the thing is there's not the intention to not i'm just going to read a few scriptures
here and there it is not the intention and what do leaders do do leaders duplicate
leaders create disciplines leaders train on certain things leaders connect and if we're not
creating engagement in whatever area we're talking about i'm talking in the church outside
the church wherever it is if we're not creating engagement we're not getting we're not touching
the people because engagement is the key i trained at texas seanam i trained some teachers
as you know at smu the number one question they had was not a lot of things you would think it was
how do i create engagement and there are ways to create engagement and if you don't have
engagement you don't have any audience you're not you're speaking to people but you're not
you're speaking at them and so i think there's a lack of intention you know of doing the work
that goes back to the first thing you said terry spot on you've got to be under you have to be
in a place where they will trust you you need to earn the love and the trust through christ
where people will want to do just what you're saying and what everybody's showing
they trust you to share the love of christ with them and that is a big difference it's missing
how they're too busy doing the other thing well and you know then i think it goes back to this also
the number one how do you find intimacy emotional intimacy that's what people are missing yeah we
go we leave we go we leave we see whatever we leave is that emotional intimacy and emotional
intimacy is through trust and transparency how do we trust people how do we become
transparent with people we become transparent with people because we have been transparent
we trust we create trust because we have trusted when we show that right so the number one
less than i learned speaking on stage was i go out there and i am just gut honest i am
as transparent a vulnerable what are you going to do i've had other people not like me they'll
just take a number it's okay it's okay i didn't i say i'm not here to be prom queen i didn't i
didn't win it the first time i'm not running for prom queen i'm not looking at popular you don't
have to like my jeans and then i work out and i'm a leader you don't have to like what i do you have
to like how when you walk out that door you're different and i don't care if you like me i don't
care if you like how i look you like what i say i don't carry anything about it what i care is that
when you walk out of that room you're changed and you're changed because i was willing to lay down
my life to make sure you felt connection because that's what your savior did that's right
and me and my band box then i would i would i would do a plug here as well
one of the the basic things within each one of those training spiritual father's end for the iron
circle is being transparent with your spiritual son or being transparent with your mentor if you're
transparent the connections are made if you don't transparent there is no connection yeah no sorry
very good all you got to call it i bet you're thinking up there i can see the wheel yeah
mark me the one that shot up mark mark laurie made a wonderful theological statement one time
when he said hey we're all freaks looking for our way home that's right you know you know
sometime when we get a chance with another program i'd like to talk about this whole thing about
brokenness uh because i think that's absolutely pivotal and the last thing i like to say is that
this whole conversation has resonated in my heart about the absolute necessity of the cross
that'll be the cross it's got to be redemption to realize we were bought with a price and
loved fiercely loved fiercely and uh to go out and fiercely love the world that's what
jesus didn't say go make converts he did say go make a sign
amen that's what he said and be duplicatable be someone show them something that they want to
duplicate which is mean the only thing we can show that requires that would bring that is the cross
yes you know it's been a good discussion thank you
amen absolutely excuse me tary somebody just called in a couple of them a whole bunch of
things coming in texting i did appreciate this and uh amen excuse me um
i tell you what when i'm with you guys it's an lady
i just uh yeah two ladies two ladies i just feel missed that the presence of the lord yeah
all of it's definitely she's here with with tank just feel the presence of the lord come in and
say hey i got this and the things that you're saying are so true the things that we've learned
from have been so difficult at times but those difficulties are gone and all we're going to close
to this thought i always remember that old saying many preachers used to say i remember forgive and
forget and follow christ well i don't believe in that anymore i believe in the forgive part
because christ for gave me but i don't believe in the forget side because when you're really
following christ and you feel the love of christ in your heart and through others the thing that
used to be painful becomes a source of energy strength presence peace and acknowledgement
move forward i have you and uh and i'm walking with you it becomes something that's good and uh it
also kicks back to makes the first part we're getting receiving even sweeter in your heart
you know whole things against people like you're saying terry um appreciate that testimony
anyway ladies and gentlemen it's been great being with you tonight raising expectations is
these aren't dream run thanks for sharing brother love you buddy and uh and always praying for you
paul love you man and we're gonna get scheduled up on on doing just what you said we'll be working
on that for july uh next week we've got a very special guest too and uh terry like this we have
brad stein with us most of you know brad stein the christian comedian who's also a theologian and
shares his spot everything everywhere i mean he's uh he's unbelievable he'll be with us next week
you want to tune in on that and terry god bless you and dave and your precious dad and the ministry
that he shared and the words that you gave us tonight we appreciate you we love you and the lord
and uh we'll get you all sent to be back with us really soon coming here in the end of july and
hopefully be able to share again another eight topic and all of us say to all of you god bless you
we love you and the lord expectations lift them up to the lord and then listen and remember don't
look for a band-aid let him give you a cure and whatever it is the ear facing and don't get
frustrated if you're on the right answer right off because the longer it takes the greater the joy
when it gives you the answer that you're looking for gee run on a pole did you get that that was
anyway he's coming he's coming he's coming so again check out check out the songs that are on our
website and listen to the words because i think those words are things that we've got from all of
you over the last six years and they're in those songs so incredibly done by non-new some bbs radio
tv they're just incredible people so until this time same time next week we look forward to god
blessing you make the rest of the week something that you have expectations come before you
and you get to watch god do something with them to bless you love you guys see you again next week
take care bye bye bye bye bye bye guys bless you guys
friends thanks for joining us on this week's program of raising expectations
weeks profoundly hope you found it engaging and at times humorous but most of all uplifting so that
we may with you one topic at a time each week become more encouraged to move forward to an
exciting future in as we always say this thing called life in america today so let not your hearts
be troubled your family finances faith freedom it can be a great future as we talk listen respect
and pull together please let me hear from you you can reach me at 972 92 28556 that's 972 922 8556
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