Oh, yeah. You are the care compass pointing hearts back home, turning quiet, lonely rooms into places they belong. To the elderly, the wise, you give your steady light. Careful care, caring compassion in the Hi. It's Nicole Brandon, and it's wonderful to be with you today.

We are working remotely today. So it's exciting to always be able to reach out and to share with you the journey that I am on, the journey that you are on, and that we are forging and taking these roads together, which I think is just knowing you're not alone for me has made all the difference in the world. It really has. And it has been a tough week, so I will share with you a little bit about that today. And I have a special and extraordinary guest that is with me today that I feel so very blessed and so very grateful that is joining me.

Today, we're being joined by Neil Weiser. And Neil from I've I've been lucky enough to know Neil almost, I would think, almost my entire lifetime since I was a very small child, and there are very special people in this world. There are people that are incredibly remarkably talented, that they have a natural propensity to be able to create, to be able to visualize, to be able to share their gifts and their talents with the world. And then you have people that are just these exemplary people that are the people that step up and make a difference, people whose lives are changed when you meet them, people who elevate you in their presence, people that you always know, that you learn from, that you grow from, that you get challenged by, that you are comforted by, that you are supported by. And then you have people that in their own hearts and their own spirits and souls are just pure gold.

They're gold in the way that they treat those around them, the way that they treat the world, the way they treat their family, the way they treat their friends. And I've been lucky enough to know somebody that has all of those qualities in one being and one man. And, Mel is definitely one of my heroes in this world as well as a dear, dear friend. And he himself has been on a journey with his parents, and I've asked him to come today and to share some of his story because maybe his story can help you. And what he has been through can help you or guide you in some way through some of the doorways and pathways and challenges that you're facing today.

So I feel very blessed and grateful to welcome today, Neil Eisen. Neil, thank you so much for being with me. Oh, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much, and thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. I have tears in my eyes.

Thank you so much. Well, it it really is a blessing knowing you. And I had posted on Facebook that I had been going through this very difficult journey with my parents, and you responded to that post with a message that made me have tears in my eyes of your own journey. And sometimes in life, we get so busy as adults doing our lives and doing our careers and doing our visioning and our dreaming. And then whatever our challenges are, we, you know, we bat them away that we just take for granted that the people that are in our lives are in our lives, and they're not going anywhere.

So we, don't check-in as often as we should. I think this is a great lesson for everybody because I certainly would have wanted to be there for you as you were going through your journey, and it meant so much to me that you reached out online. So thank you for being my friend, first of all. Thank you. My pleasure.

And knowing that this show is for the other us as as a writer, you're a brilliant talent. If you find his work, he's a brilliant, talented writer. But for the other people that are going through what you and I are going through, what you have gone through, is there anything that you would like to share or could share that might be able to help others? Well, I I certainly hope so. I mean, everyone's experience is different.

They bring different resources, different, people who are helping to the table, different circumstances. But, I think there's also a lot of commonality in in what we're going through in what is a very difficult time in a person's life, both the people who I think are listening to this program, but also the people who are going through it and and the ones who we're caring for. And I I I wish obviously, you know, everyone says these sorts of things. I wish I knew now what I, you know, when I started this journey, and, it is very much a journey. It it it can take an unpredictable amount of time, and it's hard.

And, but I'm I I hope what I have to say, can help. I so appreciate it. So I went through, and I'm going through the juggle with two parents. And you similarly had two parents with very different issues at the very same time. And how does one navigate that?

How did you navigate that? I guess for me, I was fortunate first of all, I'm fortunate enough that my wife has been very helpful in this. Although she doesn't practice, she's an attorney, she brought a lot to the table, which was very helpful. Not that we had a lot of legal issues to deal with, But there's just a lot that happens and a lot that's going on, and you don't expect it. And even when it sneaks up on you and you kinda see see it coming, you still don't expect it when it happens.

And it's it's extremely demanding. I apologize if there's noise. There's a gardener next door making I don't hear. We're listening to your heart. I don't hear any gardeners.

We'll be done in a minute. You know, you it was interesting when we talked. You were talking about your father's journey and that your father tried a new technology. And I know that my dad tried researching cancer medicine that hadn't been used yet, or he could have used another one that had proven side effects, or he could have tried this new medicine. And I know my mom has Crohn's, and both my brother and I were tested, like, why we don't have it, and she does.

You know? And and that research and the thrill of relief or the possibility of relief. And can you talk about that when somebody says this is there might be a solution and the the hopes that go with that and then the choices to do something unchartered? Yeah. So in my father's case, he had his what are essential tremors.

And for those of you who don't know what that is, it's an uncontrollable shaking. Actually, my grandmother had it, his mother, when I was young, and it she she had the Katherine Hepburn version of it where her where her head shook. And if people are listening on radio or podcast and not watching, it's an uncontrollable shaking of the head. In in the case of my father, it it presented itself an uncontrollable shaking of his hands. And I remember since, I guess, when he was in his early fifties, I started noticing his hands shaking, but I never it was just a little bit here and there.

It wasn't anything major. But by the time he reached his seventies, his early mid seventies, his handshaking had spread to both hands, and it was uncontrollable. And it it just absolutely destroyed his quality of life to the point that I was concerned he may be thinking about taking extreme measures and don't even really wanna elaborate on that. But, fortunately, this was about ten years ago, the University of Maryland, they I don't know how they discovered it, but they they were doing a program using what's called ultra focused ultrasound, which sends incredibly precise beams of ultrasonic and whatever energy into the brain and it can pinpoint and literally zap the affected area of the brain which is causing the misfire, which is causing the shaking. And my father went through that program.

He went through a long period of testing and things because they had to it was an experimental technology, and they had to see if he was a candidate, which he ultimately was. They did a procedure. I think it was a four hour long procedure where he was conscious on the table. It wasn't he they had bolted his head down so that he wouldn't move, but so that the machine could be accurate. But it it wasn't a painful type of thing.

And during the course of procedure, they had him write his name. They had him draw simple shapes on paper and stuff. And as they continue with the process, it got better and better with every pass. And to make a long story short, they only did his right hand for for starters because it was experimental. He came through with flying colors.

It was, like, 95% successful, and we were very hopeful and looking forward to in about six months, they were gonna have to come back and do the other arm. Unfortunately, and some people may ethnically snicker at this, but he actually died just a couple months before that process started, and he wound up passing from a series of microstrokes that he had. We do not know whether or not the procedure caused that. And part of the reason, and this actually will build into some things that I wanna tell people, is that when he passed, he was in the hospital. And the hospital, basically, I understand the process, but they needed to get rid of him, if you know what I mean.

And so they arranged for him to, go and he was cremated. But I was extremely upset because I wanted an autopsy, not because I was blaming the hospital, but because I wanted the scientists to to have that information to determine whether or not what triggered those microstrokes could have been resulting from the procedure and to improve the procedure for future patients. And we weren't afforded that opportunity, which was very hurtful. And it's something that, you know, in your grief, in the shock of it happening, you know, they they put papers in front of you, sign this, sign that, whatever. And, we never had the option.

And, that's something that that people one of the many things as you go through these things that you kind of need to sort of think about, not not obsessively, but, you know, when these events do happen, it's important for you to keep your head about you and keep your wits about you, which is a very easy thing to say, very different when you're going through it. But, it's important that you do so because there's a lot of things that are happening around you, and you need to make the best decisions for you and your family and your loved one at that point. I'm so sorry that, you know, what an emotional roller coaster for you to be through. I actually was familiar with this research and with this process. My uncle has Parkinson's.

And I went online, and I I saw video after video from, you know, all these different hospitals that were doing this incredible procedure now. And you'd see a violinist that was shaking uncontrollably. Yeah. And then they would do this surgery. And the fact, like, you're saying that they're awake when they're doing brain surgery and to me was amazing, but they need to know.

And then almost like a garage door opener, they would push a button, you know, or like a remote control on a TV, and all of a sudden, they're, like, playing this beautiful concerto with absolute control or a triathlete or a professor, you know, that's teaching again. And I sent all of these videos. Gosh. I must have sent, like, 40 or 50 videos to my aunt and uncle and said, these are all the people doing this procedure, you've gotta check this out. But he wasn't a candidate because he was so far along in his age at that time, and I was heartbroken because I thought, wow.

What a remarkable surgery. So I imagine when your dad had that opportunity, it must be like someone handing you a miracle. Right? Well, like I said, his quality of life was just collapsing. And, I mean, he couldn't eat.

You know, he had to drink out of a special cup and he had to use both hands because he couldn't get the cup and hold it to his mouth long enough to to drink out of it. It was it was horrible. And, but those last six months, he was like at least with his right hand, he was almost back to normal, and that restored a significant portion of the quality of of life. So I'm glad he had that. And, you know, talking about that you would have wanted the research for future people.

Mhmm. I think that if we have the opportunity to do that, you know, to pay it forward and to to give something and especially their their, you know, new techniques and new technologies. And and every day, you know, we're I was watching the space shuttle that's out there right now that's, like, a million bazillion, you know, miles away that the and it's like, how do they know where it stops? It took a month to get there. Where is there?

How do you know at the end of that month that it's gotten to there? And the fact that we can do so much now and that those opportunities are available. And so I think that for so many people, they feel there's no hope. There was a woman named Julia Butterfly Hill, and Julia Butterfly Hill was one of the people that lived in the trees during the time when they were the oil companies were cutting down all of the trees, right, for you know, in Ecuador and Peru and all these different areas. Is she the one who spent, like, a year in tree top or something?

Yes. Oh, I've heard of her. Yeah. Butterfly hill. And at one time, they chopped down this tree, and the tree fell, and it killed this young logger named a young boy named David.

He was around 19, and he was one of the advocates that was there. And she watched them purposely chop down this tree, and it landed on him. And she watched him die from her perspective. And she said that she was up in that tree, and she was just shaking, and she was crying. And she said and she felt so hopeless.

Like, if they could do that, if they could literally cut down a tree and purposely kill this young boy who's done nothing except try to, you know, protect the forest. And she said and in that moment, she had a thought which was, Julia, you you have to hope. You can't give up hope because even if you're the only person in the world with hope, then hope exists on this planet. Yeah. Yeah.

And I never forgot her saying that. I saw this presentation, and that stuck with me all these years after seeing her. And so is there anything you can say about that having that hope? Yeah. Well, so I I'm a pragmatist and a realist and it's not that I don't have hope about things, obviously.

I'm a human being, know, and I do have my hopes and dreams. If I didn't have hope, wouldn't have been pursuing the careers that I've pursued, you know, as I am for the for the audience out there, I'm I'm I'm a writer, and it's an insane career. If you don't have hope, yeah, that's the wrong business to be in. But, yeah, you you need the hope because it it grounds you, and it gives you the belief that that there's how should I put this? The possibility that things can get better.

And we all go through terrible periods in our lives. And I'm I'm reminded of a friend who's who lost two of his four sons prematurely, one from a drug overdose and the other from suicide. And at the funeral for the son who committed suicide, he said that he chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and that stuck with me. Then I reminded I'm getting a little emotional over that. But that reminded me sorry.

I I think of that when I'm at my wit's end and I feel like there's no hope and that that, you know, all is lost or how am I gonna get out of this or how am I gonna solve this problem? And you have to remember that everything is is temporary. And what's important and and and and I thought about I was listening to what you were saying as you introduced the story about the journeys that we're that we're on. And and and, you know, life is a journey, and the important thing isn't the end of that journey, although we all hope that it goes that that at the end, it's it's it's, you know, graceful and meaningful and comfortable. But it it you know, it can't be any of these things if the journey is in itself something that you can live with and live with yourself and and find the joy in the life that you are living.

And it's hard. Look. I I've been there more than once, and you have to remind yourself of this to keep yourself going. And you have to take care of yourself. Those those are the important things, especially, know, the reason you have to take care of yourself is if you don't take care of yourself, you can't help the people who you're trying to help.

So and and it also gives them hope too when people are in bad conditions to see someone who's going through it with them, have that hope and have that find that inner strength. And sometimes they'll get jealous, and sometimes they'll get angry at you. You know? Why why are you so strong? How can you handle it when you're when we're both going through this terrible thing?

It's each each to our, you know, our own our own way. And, hopefully, people who are going through this can remember that and find a little bit of solace and strength from it. Really beautiful. Thank you. And I wanna ask something that's, like, very difficult to ask.

I'm not gonna any of this is easy. But I know from my own self, my dad was always, the provider protector, big, strong. Yeah. Taking care of everybody too. Right?

And what was that like for you when you needed to take care of your dad? And were you able to have conversations, like, conversations and emotionally that journey for you of your dad going through what he was going through? Well, my my dad was a very serious and stern person. He you knew me you knew you knew my dad right. I knew your dad.

And then he he he certainly could enjoy life, but he had to I think he kinda had to actually remind himself to do that, and he didn't remind himself enough. But, you know, when when when the end came I knew there was something wrong. I remember it was a Thursday. I was walking my dog, and I was calling my mom because I usually spoke with my mom because when my dad answered, I'd be like, hey. What's happening?

He's like, nothing. You know? You just have simple answers. And then after a minute, he'd be like, here. Let me give you your mother, and then I would talk to my mom for an hour and a half.

And but I remember when I called, he answered the phone and I'm like thinking, okay. He's gonna you know, this will be short. But he sounded very silly. And my dad was not a silly person. And I it was very I was happy to hear him making jokes and being silly.

And we only still only talked for a few minutes, but it was longer than we usually spoke. But he was like making jokes and just being silly. And that was so unlike my dad, but I was so happy to hear that. And then when I spoke to my mom, she said that he's there's something going on. She didn't know what hap what was happening and that he actually was, like, starting to bump into the walls as he sees walking down the hall and stuff.

So I said, you know, alright. Why don't you take him to the hospital? I'll come down, and we'll see what's going on. And then the rest is, let's say, his history. So so for what happened with my father was rather quick.

But immediately thereafter, I found myself in the position where I had to take care of my mother, and that she's she's still with us. She's in a home now. She's been there for a couple of years. But the process you know, the first couple of years, we found a rhythm, and she was able to do what she needed to do, and she she had a life. But then she started having, as one does when they start getting older.

This was when she was around 80. She started developing, some progressively more serious issues, that required surgery and some other things. But there are other things going on as well. And, you know, the things that that you expect when when a loved one gets older, very so she lives about two hours away from me, so every so I don't see her every day. But when I would go down and see her every other week or so, yeah, I'd be like, yeah, mom.

Why is why is the car have a ding in it? Mom, what what you know, week later. Hey, mom. Why is the car have another ding in it? You know?

And stuff like that. And, you know, the signs were there, and, we had to take her have her driver's license taken away. And but it was during that period that we discovered that she was suffering from early stages of Alzheimer's. And that just opened up a whole new chapter for what that the implications of that, what it meant, and what things that we needed to do and the difficulty of of caring for a loved one who was now living alone. But there were some additional challenges in her instance because she lived in a resort community.

She she I grew up in, as Nicole did as well, in one of the suburbs of Atlantic City, which when we were there, there was a lot of people, and it was a small but thriving community. But at this point, the population has dwindled significantly. And even though my mother lived on a major road, you know, she she you know, her peers, her peer group was shrinking because people moved away and passed and it was getting harder and harder and became an extremely challenging thing to navigate. I had no experience with this. I I have, two brothers, one who lives near her, but, for his own reasons is not involved.

And, my other brother wants to be involved, but he lives up near me, which is two hours away. So it it became a challenge and, finally got to the point where we, recognized that she needed to, move someplace where they could care for her better. And we did that, and, ultimately, she when they invited her into we found a community. We looked at many, but we found one near her. They would have preferred it up here, but some of her peers were there.

And she when she was initially invited, she didn't wanna go in so right away, which I had to respect that decision. We went through the process of trying to find nurses to to come over for a few hours a day and take care of her, and that was one nightmare after another. It's it's challenging to find, you know, the old saying, it's challenging to find good help. You know? And it's really a shame because the the two women that we had, they both started the first weeks were great.

Then after that, it was not. And, you know, they behaved basically, behaved themselves the first week, and then they started taking advantage. And it was a bad situation. I was constantly you know, it's a two hour ride each way, so I'm constantly going down there, and I couldn't stay over every time I went down there. So it'd be another two hours back.

And, you know, you work, you have life, the life that you have to live. You got a kid you have to take care of, and it makes it hard. And you have to find the only way to to to get through it is to find a balance and take care of yourself, as I mentioned earlier. But that that is I wish I had done a better job taking care of myself. I just kind of like when this when these things happen, I just kinda like switched on.

I was like, okay. We have an emergency here. It needs to be solved. And I I I actually I used to be a lifeguard, and I was almost an EMT at one point. I'd started going through a lot of training for that.

So I had learned how to handle myself in in emergency situations and life threatening situations, and thank god I had that. Because if I didn't have that training, it I I don't know what would happen. I I would have flipped out more than once and frequently. But, you you know, you have to you have to just stay calm, stay rational, and it is not easy. But I wanna let everyone out there know that they can do that.

They they have the strength. They are you are strong enough to find the strength to keep yourself a little bit little more balanced, take care of yourself a little bit better than you do. Don't berate yourself. Don't blame yourself. Don't abuse yourself.

Certainly, you know, having a beer every once in a while is fine. But, you know, you take care of yourself, keep it under control because you are only for the five or ten minutes or the hour that you feel better, you're gonna have days and weeks and months that are gonna be worse because of it. And you have to find that inner strength, and I know you have that out there. I I did not know that I had it. And it's a little difficult for me to speak about it even now.

But but it's there. It's there. So you you don't have to take the special courses and do the research, but the information is out there. Find a few sources. It's very easy to get overwhelmed with and that this is something that I do a lot.

It's like when I have a problem and I research it, research the hell out of it. And I look for all these different sources. And really what I'm doing is why I think I'm making progress. What's actually happening is I'm getting a very a lot of information at a very high level, but I'm not getting enough focused information to and practice to allow me to solve and do better at the problems when that I that I presented. It took me a long time to realize that.

And so just find a few good resources. Occasionally, find another one or, you know, two, you know, things like that. But just put it into practice and take it easy. You don't have to do everything all at once even though you'll sometimes feel frantic and and you have to do everything all at once. You know, there's there's a lot that's gonna go on.

There's a lot of moving pieces. And, you know, just pick and choose the ones that you can solve now or if there's a deadline, like, you're applying for Medicaid or Medicare and things like that. I mean, those those programs are not easy to navigate, and, it's hard. And, but, just stay persistent, and, you'll get through this. I'm so glad that you said that because you did what I didn't do.

You took care of you. You know, I dove in. I gave up my career. I gave up my life. I gave up my health.

You know, I got sick like, I, you know, days and days and days, you know, just sleeping in the hospital and, you know, not letting go. And and every time I would turn around, I, you know, I was afraid to cross the street because they might need something. And you know? So it's, you know, didn't talk to my friends. Didn't talk to me.

Like, I literally just focused on them. And then all of a sudden, you're like, okay. Where did what happened? I feel like I'm far away from the center of me, right, trying to pull myself back into myself, which I would not recommend if I had it to do over again. You know, there are no do overs in life.

You know? But I would do what you said. I remember seeing that. I forget who said the quote, but it's about it's not whether the glass is half full or half empty. It's the fact that the glass is refillable.

Great quote. Right. And the fact that I didn't keep refilling my cup, I just got to that deplete level, and and then there was, like, squeak squeak. There's nothing there, and I just kept making it go out instead of that refilling that energy and refilling the joy and refilling the laughter and the happiness and, you know, whatever that is. So I love that you're sharing this information, you know, with your friends that are listening because I it is important.

And listen to Neil. It's so important. And I wish I listened to this show two years ago to know how important that really is. Yeah. And, I mean, it's just like going to work every single day.

You know? You can't do a good job at work if you feel terrible. And, certainly, there are going to be days where you are going to feel terrible. There's no way around it. It's just a part of life.

But, you know, you take the time. You decompress over a weekend. You do the things that you do so that you can go to your job. Hopefully, you love your job. I know every not everyone does.

And I certainly had many of those jobs where it's just like, you know, you hate your job, you hate your boss, you hate your life, you know, whatever. But you gotta remember that you gotta keep the balance because, you know, unfortunately, you know, maybe it's maybe it's more today than than than previously, but it's it's kind of a cruel world out there. It's a hard it's hard. And and it's harder than it seems like it's harder than it used to be. And my father-in-law developed ALS, and they were able they they had the resources to hire a permanent nurse, but it took a hell of a long time to find the right one.

And he survived with it for about ten or eleven years before finally passing. And that that was a nightmare. And, you know, going through that and especially for such a long period of time. And his quality of life last couple of years was was absolutely terrible. And and it would've been well, he wouldn't have lasted that long if he didn't have the medical help that he had.

But, you know, you you're a part of that, and you and one of the things that this particular nurse who's been like a member of the family since then, she actually was was looking out at and looking after everyone else as well. And, you know, she would pull me aside and ask me how I was doing and could see could see that that I was having trouble and stuff. And, you know, I was like, you know, don't worry about me. Take care of him. Take care of my wife and everything like that.

And, you know, she she pulled them aside in her own time and and and ways as well too. But but the the the incredible thing was that during this ten year period, this is a guy who had a lot of friends. And little by little over that time period, especially as he got worse when he needed them the most, they mostly disappeared. And that happens because people get scared. People see especially if they're in the same age group or what have you.

He was in his, late sixties. And, you know, they see their own mortality maybe. I mean, people have their own reasons for doing the things that they do. And, you know, it's you you have to look out after you and your loved one. And, hopefully, you'll have friends and family there to support you and to share the burden and to help you solve problems.

Some will help a lot. Some will help very little. But it's important that if they're there, you know, be grateful for it. Even if it's just a little bit, you're gonna have moments of of of terrible anger and rage that this person or that person isn't doing enough. And, you know, you you can't put you don't know what they're going through, and it's not healthy to fixate on it.

You just kinda need to accept it as horrible as that may seem. I'm not talking about forgiveness. That's a completely different discussion. But you need to accept what they are going to do and aren't going to do, and then just keep working the problem and solving the problem and take care of yourself. And I I can't say that enough how vital it is to take care of yourself because your energy, what you're bringing to your loved one when you're dealing with them, they pick up on it and affects them as well.

And they can tell, you know, they they they know when you're happy and and sad. They know when you're bothered, and it's not gonna help them one bit if they see you're stressed out. I'm not saying walk in, you know, with, you know, being like a clown and everything like that unless that's your personality, which is great. You know? Because laughter laughter is a wonderful, wonderful medicine, and that helps.

And it's important that that you try to remember to laugh once in a while. So Great advice. And I wanted to go back and just touch on one thing that you said about your mom denting the car. Yeah. So I know what I went through with my dad.

He could drive. Do you think I can't drive? And then give me the you know, I we had to, like, hide the keys. You know? It it was a struggle.

Like and did you have that with your mom, or did she just go, oh, I understand. I shouldn't be driving anymore. There were some of that. The challenge was that so the the the stores that like, the local grocery store and things like that, there's a cluster that's about six, seven blocks away. And you might think, oh, it's only six, seven blocks away.

But when you're an 80 year old woman and it's bitter cold out and you live in a community where on some streets, you might have one car drive down a street once every week or something. And, you know, like, I I would tell her, you know, calm and she wasn't great with a cell phone, so that was an added challenge. But we would tell her, you know, like, if you can't stay on the phone with us while you're walking, at least call us when you get back. And then it was like, okay. Stick to the main road because the road that she lived on was like this main main artery, so there was a fair amount of traffic.

But you go around the block, and like I said, I mean, there might be one car a day. And god forbid something would happen, no one's gonna find you for a while. And, you know, plus, yeah, the sidewalks aren't level, and she's not walking straight anyway and stuff. And it's it gets to the point where it gets it gets kinda terrifying. And the car is freedom, especially especially for people who may live in rural areas.

You know? You don't have a car. That's it. You're you're you're marooned. You're stranded.

And it's it's hard, but, you know, you've got to think of not only their safety, but the safety of other people around. And we knew it was gonna be a challenge when when she couldn't drive anymore. And for for about a year or two, she had some friends who were happy to to take her when they would go food shopping. They'd pick her up. And but, you know, unfortunately, those friends were of the same peer group and age group and were suffering from their own issues, and one moved away.

And one who was who was just the nicest woman in the world, but the problem was with her was that she had serious mental issues. And she meant well. And I loved her, and she was a great nice woman, but she drove everyone crazy. And I got to the point where my mother just couldn't deal with her anymore. Yeah.

God bless her, though. But, yeah, these are the things in life that that you have to deal with. And, you know, fortunately, today, we've got things like DoorDash and stuff like that. So that helped a little bit. Obviously, it gets very expensive very soon.

And between my one one brother and I, we tried not we tried not to, we tried to make sure that one of us would see her, if not once a week, every once every other week. So there was people there, but we spoke to her every day and sometimes two or three or more times a day. And it's important because they need to maintain that connectivity, and especially when when you're dealing with people who are isolated. That's that's a really bad thing. It's not just their physical danger and well-being.

It's their mental and emotional well-being. And I remember visiting my mom once towards towards the end of her when she was at the house. She would hear a a noise or something, a car going by, and it would make a different noise in the car, wood or whatever, and she would run to the front door to see what was going on. And I realized that was because she had such a lack of social stimulation that she was thinking, is it a friend of mine I could say hi to? You know, things like that.

And in the summer, it was much easier because she used to sit on the porch all the time. And as people would go by, you know, they would wave and stuff, and many people would stop and and talk to her. And and it was great. But during the winter, you go for months after months after months, aside from just the bitter cold, you know, with the with the weather of of her being stuck inside, and that is not healthy. And, that that that created it was a it was a form of I kind of thought of it as a form of torture.

And, it was something that, I could see was negatively affecting her, not only emotionally, but physically as well. And it was increasing her what's the lack of a better word? Degradation is not a great word. But, you know, she was becoming more frail and and such, and I I could see it happening. And, you know, fortunately, when we were able to move her into this facility, she was among her peers.

It's been a little bit of a roller coaster. There are times when she when she loves it, but, you know, all of a sudden, the the woman who was her friend in high school that she knew before all these years, and they totally reconnected when she she moved in. It was wonderful. This woman this woman was funny. And but she had her own challenges and her own issues.

And then one day, you know, she was gone. And my mother, because of her Alzheimer's, just kind of she she knew there was something missing, but she couldn't put her finger on it. And in a way, that curse was a little bit of a blessing in that context because this woman who she knew since since childhood, it was a friend, And he shared with whom she reconnected was gone, but my mother didn't remember her really being there. So, you know, you gotta you gotta take the it's gonna sound weird to say, you gotta take your wins where you can find it. And we're in a situation now where mom has a boyfriend, but, you know, my mother's now 86 and he's 93 And very nice man.

I very I like him a lot. He's got a great sense of humor. And one of the wonderful things is is whenever I see them together and or when she calls and he's around, they are always laughing. And that has brought so much vitality back to her life. But he's 93, and he just spent two or three weeks in the hospital.

I don't know what happened. He's he's back in the facility, but I know he's having trouble. And the reality is the reality. And soon he may no longer be there. And my mother, when he was in the hospital, didn't know where he was and was upset and angry.

But given a little bit of time, because of the nature of the disease, you know, she was starting to forget. And, you know, eventually, when things happen, you know, I I'm concerned what's gonna happen to my mother when he disappears, and she's not gonna have that companionship and not gonna have that laughter. But I know that that aspect of it may not last very long. So you just have to take it one day at a time and, you know, the fact that they mean, I they crack each other up. I'm just I love that.

I love that she has that in her life right now, and and, you know, those sparks of joy and the beautiful moments, and there's nothing like companionship and friendship and, you know, blessings in our lives. Now I've got a question totally unrelated because you're talking about freedom. Right? And you're talking about win wins. What is NASA behind you?

When when so my audience is the the people you're on the radio, I've got a couple of of framed things behind my desk. I around when when social media exploded, I helped NASA get their their social media game in order, and they invited me to a space shuttle launch. And I met a bunch of astronauts, and, actually, one of them, there's there's a little piece there in the frame. There's actually a piece of the space shuttle Discovery that flew in 1984, so they gave that to me as a thank you for for helping them. So completely unrelated, but I stick it behind my desk.

Now it's okay to be on the podcast, but because when I walk in, I walk in facing my desk, and I like seeing it when I when I walk in. So and say it's funny funny because you never when people when people mention it, I always forget it's behind me. Even though on the screen, I can see it's behind me, but it's there every day. I don't look at it like that. You know?

That's well, that's really cool. I think that's amazing. And then on the business side Mhmm. So you're a writer. You're a brilliant, genius, spectacular, remarkable, compelling, seat edging writer.

You really are. Thank you. Brilliantly talented. Has this journey with your parents changed characters? Like, now when you're writing people, do you have characters that you hadn't created before because of this journey?

Yes. In fact, I I just recently was commissioned to and and just delivered it two days ago, a script for a short film that's gonna go in production over the summer. And one of the characters is in his early seventies. He's a grandfather. And the story is about how the different generations, especially now with with the Gen Alpha, they have such a unique way of speaking that it's almost like a separate language.

And in in some ways, it really is a different language. And so he's a boomer. The one granddaughter is she's kinda borderline between millennial and being Gen Z, and the other one is, you know, Gen Alpha, and they're they're actually sisters. And something something happened in the story, and they wind up each speaking their own language full of all the phrases and colloquialisms that they have, but they're but it it sort of describes how sort of shows how they can't communicate, and they have to figure out a way to communicate with each other to solve a problem. And it's a funny little thing.

And the grandfather in in one of the early scenes, he's talking with the older granddaughter about the younger one who's just got is just full of sass and attitude, and he can't communicate with her. And but at one moment during the conversation, because this younger girl has to stay with him. You know, he says that he confesses she sorry. The granddaughter says, how how are things going? And he's like, you know what?

Yeah. Things are getting harder. I I remember you know, I can remember everything that happened, you know, with incredible detail from when I was a kid and when I was married to your grandmother and so on and so forth. But I can't remember if I tied my shoes this morning. And I have to look and, you know, see if they're tied.

And that's something I would have never been able to write had I not gone through these life experiences of of happening. And not that I am grateful about that, but, you know, you live life, You learn. You try to apply the things that you learn in a positive sense in a positive way to your life. And I can fortunately, I can express that in my writing, and I think it has brought a lot of depth to characters who I just just couldn't really write before. Brilliant answer.

I love that. I have used to have a neighbor, and he had to mention he didn't know his last name. You know? He was Bill. And they would find him wandering down the street, and the police would come and bring him back.

He didn't know where he lived. He didn't know his last name. But he used to be a singer, and he was still in a group called the fifth Dimensions. And they knew that the lyrics to every song, and they would go perform. Yeah.

He only knew he was Bill, but he knew his music. Yeah. Well, the insidious thing about Alzheimer's is that it doesn't affect the areas of the brain that have already produced memories. And however I I mean, I'm fascinated by the brain, but is is I'm very technically proficient and stuff. But when it comes to certain things, I I I just don't understand the chemistry of how those chemical combinations put patterns down in your brain that are memories.

But when you have Alzheimer's, your brain doesn't can't do that anymore, or at least it can't do that efficiently. And it's important to understand when when your relatives are sick that, you know, they're going through something too, obviously. But you have to it helps if you kinda keep in mind what it is that they're going through because they're human beings too, and they don't understand what's happening to them or maybe they do understand, but they're they're afraid. And they're looking at you for strength, and they're looking at you for love. And it's hard, but you've gotta find the strength and the love in there to help them because that will help them more than you can possibly imagine.

I I go to my mother's home, and that where she's living now, the assisted living facility, and I see all these other people there. Some people I I have gotten to know, and I know that they don't have family come visit them ever. And the lone and some don't and friends. They don't have friends anymore. Their friends have passed or whatever.

And the loneliness that these people are experiencing is just heartbreaking. And, fortunately, she's in a good facility. And not that every facility is perfect. There are issues. But, you know, they it's a community in there.

But it's also an ever changing community because people come and go and for for a variety of reasons. And they're all in different stages of of the last chapters and, of their lives. And, it's important that that they be able to have friendships and stuff. And and understanding that and knowing them and understanding what they're going through will help you take care of them better. It's wonderful.

And so I know we're coming up to the top of the hour. And do you have any last words of wisdom or advice or or somebody that's listening today and that's either just setting on this journey or that has been on this journey? Or Yeah. It's a lot. You know?

I I I was thinking about I kinda knew you were gonna ask that question, so I was thinking about what I would say. And I've actually been having conversations with friends recently about these because now there's some friends are starting to deal with similar issues. And, you know, remember that it's hard for everyone. And, you know, we've already spoken about taking care of yourself with which is so important and being good to yourself. And look.

You're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna sit down one night and think, I'm just gonna have one glass of wine, and then I'll be fine. And, you know, I'll go to bed early, and then, you know, before you know it, the bottle's empty and stuff. Alright. It happens.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If you make mistakes taking care of your parents, don't blame yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it. It is life. None of us are perfect.

And, unfortunately, the way our society is built today, it isn't built to help people who are both senior citizens and in those stages of life. And it's not built to help people who are trying the families who are trying to help these people. I I when I started having to learn about Medicaid is and Medicare and especially Medicaid, this the the the hoops I had to jump through for my mother, it was a nightmare. And I I learned a lot, and I learned a lot fast, and I had because I had no choice. And it was hard, and it affected my job, and it affect I I also do marketing executive when I'm not writing, and it it it seriously affected my job in a negative way.

And but I wasn't taking care of myself, as I mentioned earlier, as as as I can now. It's still hard. You know? Every day when I talk to my mom sometimes, I just I I can't take it. But I have to make her laugh because I know if she's laughing, then she's okay.

And then that takes a little bit of the pressure off of me. Like I said, it's it's a lot of stuff, a lot of things that you'll have to do. I would strongly advise to start having these conversations with your loved ones as soon as you can simply because and a lot of people aren't aware of this. I have a friend who's going through this. Her mother used to be wealthy, but is not anymore, but she still has a beautiful house.

But they're now gonna move her into the same facility where my mother is. Is. This is a a friend who I went who I grew up with. And what happened is is that because of what's going on in the in the state laws, they're gonna probably have to sell see sorry, surrender the house to the facility, and the facility will sell it to finance the mother's residency there. I was fortunate and in so much as what in 2011, my father actually changed the deed of the house and put it in my brother's and and my name because there was a look back period.

He knew that eventually he would well, he didn't make it, but he would eventually go to a seniors facility. And for New Jersey where he lived, it was a five year look back period at the time. So by the time my mother wed, it had been, like, eight years or so. And or or it was more than that, actually. And so we didn't have to surrender the house.

Not that it's a mansion or anything like that. It's a very small, very old house. But it we're fortunate to have it because when we go down there to see her, we have a place to stay, I don't have to drive for four hours. And, you know, on a day when I when I just wanna go visit her for an hour, you know, or take her unfortunately, we can't take her out to lunch anymore, but we used to go down and take her to lunch and, you know, try to ask maybe take her shopping when she was feeling up to it, stuff like that. But my point is is that your family members, many of them will resist those conversations for their own reasons.

Some of them are just frightened. Some of them are and I let me rephrase that. Not ignorant. Ignorant in the terms that they just don't know. Not that they're stupid.

But they don't know what needs to happen. They don't know these programs. Oh, only only people can take care of themselves are on these programs. It's it's hard. And find a way to get through it and and do the necessary preparations.

You don't have to do everything all at once. But in the in the instance of of this, for example, my friend did not know about that five year look back program, and they're gonna lose the house because of it. And she lives in Philly, and it's it's an hour halfway. So when she goes to visit her mother, she's not gonna be able to stay over because there's not gonna be a house for her to stay stay at. So these are gonna be hard conversations.

Sometimes, you know, like, my father was like, you know, my money is my money. It's none of your business what I have or don't have. You know? It's like, you know, you're gonna become like that. Find a way.

Be gentle about it. Be understanding about it. Let them understand that it's not just them. Some of them may not have the resources that you think that they have or that they led you to believe they have, and so there's a tremendous amount of of of embarrassment and guilt about that. So be understanding.

Take it slow, but get started. Get those those things with your estate in order. That's really the thing. I you know, get started. Be good to yourself.

Be kind to yourself, and Mhmm. You're not alone. That's the whole thing about this show. You are not alone. You are doing great.

I'm so proud of you. Neil is so proud of you. We are walking side by side. Send me an email, nicole@nicolebrandonworldwide. If you have a question, if there's something, I will find the right expert for you.

I promise you. I will do everything I can to bring all of the answers to your door. But most importantly, just know that you are not alone. You are supported. You are loved, and we are grateful for you.

And, Yell, I am grateful for you for joining me today. I'm for you for helping you help these people. And we look forward to seeing you and Care Compass. And, again, we are walking together in support and hand off. Yeah.

Thank you for being with me today. It was my pleasure.