Marriage, Personality, and the Discipline of Synergy

Speaker Identification

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host: Identified by the show introduction, repeated self-identification as the host of The Power of Synergy, and references to her work as a relationship coach.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband: Identified by Gabrielle’s repeated references to him as her husband of 32 years. His personal name is not clearly introduced in the transcript, so he is labeled by role rather than by name.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
We are more than what we see.
Every voice, every story holds the key.
Together we rise in synergy.

Different faces, different pain,
Different stories, same refrain,
Trying to find a place to stand,
Trying to feel a guiding hand.

What you say and what you mean,
Life’s somewhere in between.
Every action has a cause.
Every heart behind the walls.

If we listen, we can hear it.
If we look up, we can see it.
There’s a pattern in the soul.
Every piece can make us whole.

The power, the power of synergy,
Understanding you and me.
Every difference, every truth
Will lead us back to something new.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome to The Power of Synergy on BBS Radio. I’m your host, Gabrielle Cardona.

If you want to call into the station to ask a question, the phone lines are going to be open for the entire hour because I have a special guest today. I have been married for 32 years, and I have been a coach for over 20 years. I teach people how to be with people, but you know what? They do not always believe what I say.

When I tell them not only do I preach something very different from conventional modern American psychotherapy, but I practice what I preach, that is pretty exciting too. After 32 years, my husband and I are still really good friends, and we are still going strong romantically. People do not really believe it, but I have been begging him to come onto the show to tell people that I am not blowing smoke.

If you want to give the station a call, the number is 888-627-6008. My producer will answer the phone, and you can stay on theme with what I am going to be asking my husband. But if you have another question that does not relate to what we are talking about at any moment, that is okay too, because again, I do not think he is ever going to do this again for me.

I just want to say, honey, thank you for being here.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
You’re welcome.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
What I want to explain to my audience is this: we have been talking about relationships on BBS, right, for seven years now. I believe I have been with BBS Radio for seven years. But energy is a concept. It is not necessarily something where you can read the word in a definition on a screen or in a dictionary and go, “Oh yeah, I know what that means in my daily life.”

What does it mean? It means we empower each other. I always tell my clients and my students three principles.

Number one, there is no neutral energy. You are either positive or you are negative.

Number two, there is no inertia. You are either moving toward someone, moving away from them, or moving with them. That means you have to be aware of what you are doing at all times.

And then the most important one: power comes with responsibility. We have personal power not only in our energy and our movement, but in our impact on other people. We do have an impact on people. So do you believe that you are responsible for the impact that you have on people?

When I talk about synergy, I like to use numbers because, yes, that is just my personality. I was doing math in second grade on an algebra level because numbers fascinated me. But thinking about it in terms of relationships, let’s say each person is worth a different number, on a scale of one to ten. Let’s say one person says, “Well, I am only a three.” The other person is a five.

When we combine, when we synergize, we do not become eight. We do not even become fifteen. We either become three to the fifth power or five to the third power. What is the difference? Five to the third power is 125. Three to the fifth power is 243. That is even more.

Think about this, ladies and gentlemen. If you are saying, “I am only a three,” and you unite with someone, meaning you synchronize and you synergize, you can become 243, not just three anymore. But that is a discipline.

When we get together, someone could say, “Well, you know what? I am a five. I am more important, so I am going to be the base.” But five to the third power is only 125. Give someone in your life that you are synchronizing with the influence, the ability to enable and facilitate the quality of what you do, because quality is more important than quantity.

Wait a minute, so then that means different people have different skills, talents, strengths, and abilities. I always tell people it is very important to know how to maximize the good. That means you are utilizing what you both have. Or add another number in there. Let’s add another three. How about three plus five to the third power? That is 512. See, that just doubled because we added one more three-person. Three is not even an impressive number, but for the people who are around you, watching the work that you accomplish when you synchronize, they are impacted in a positive way, unless you are doing negative things.

Thinking about what you have the capacity to do, and what other people have the capacity to do, get to know the people you are with.

Now, my husband and I have been married for 32 years. Again, the number if you want to call in is 888-627-6008.

I am going to start at the very beginning. I met him when I was 16 years old, and he was 26, I believe, when I met him. But let’s just get a little bit of your background, honey. Where were you born?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I was born in Mexico.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
What part of Mexico? That is a pretty big country.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Tijuana.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay, south of San Diego, California. When did you come to the United States?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Off and on my whole life. I decided to stay when I turned 16.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
How much English did you speak?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
None.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So you were ready to just take on the world at the ripe old age of 16.

Now, you came from something of a large family. It is funny. I tell people, because I am in Phoenix here, in Mexico they like to have lots of babies. How many children did your mother have?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Fifteen.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And what number were you?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Number eight.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
The middle problem child?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
The problem child.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
The middle problem child. I would not say trouble, honey. You were a problem child.

But let’s talk about this now. When you had seven younger brothers and sisters, what were you doing as a young child?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Helping my mother, taking care of the younger ones, doing chores for her, just helping her out because there were a lot of girls in the family who were born last. So we had to help her with the tasks around the house.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So the boys were changing diapers. You were changing diapers, and you were cooking and cleaning.

When you came to this country, and you did not really know what you were doing until it happened, you had a life kind of in California, but then you moved to Washington State. How old were you when you moved to Washington?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Twenty-five.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So if you were 25, then you had had a few years not only of life experience as an infant and adolescent, but then as a man in this country. It was a very different lifestyle. The mentality here when it came to relationships was very different.

You had had more than a few relationships because you worked in a bar in San Diego. You were a bartender. You can learn a lot of conversational ability at that point. But you had made a lifestyle choice to live by higher standards, and that is actually where I met you. We met in a congregation.

I did not speak a word of Spanish, but you know what? I saw you were very good-looking, and I thought, “I think I want to learn Spanish because that is a good language to learn.”

How long did it take us to actually start dating?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Two years.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Two years, because I thought, “You know, he is from Mexico. Mexicans marry twelve- and thirteen-year-olds.”

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Not anymore. That used to be the case. A little bit older now.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
How long did we actually date before we got married?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Four months.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Four months. That means we were aware of each other for so many years. We were aware of each other socially for about a year and a half. I think it was actually five months, but the fact is, we knew that we wanted to marry each other. We just needed to make sure before we signed on the bottom line of the contract of “till death do us part.” We both agreed that marriage was till death do us part.

Now, we each had our own personal standards separate from each other. When we got together, we knew they were not negotiable. Some people in relationships believe that if the other person in the relationship is being destructive or hurtful to them, that gives them a right to be destructive and hurtful back. But what did our standards, because we were Christian at the time, tell us?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Well, especially when problems arise, you just have to be patient and talk about it. You deal with it. You cannot just go off by yourself and try to solve things that involve somebody else. How can you fix it if you do that? You have to do it together.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There you go. I know you are not going to use the word synchronize, but you can only synergize when you work together. If you are not moving toward someone or away from them, you are moving with them. That is where you create success.

Again, the number to this station is 888-627-6008.

Now I am going to take a real quick break, but when we come back, I am going to really get into what marriage is about. We are going to take a break. This is BBS. I am Gabrielle Cardona, talking about The Power of Synergy.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
Not just who we show outside,
There’s a deeper truth inside.
If you learn to understand,
We can finally take a stand.

Not against, but side by side,
With awareness as our guide.
The power, the power of synergy,
Understanding you and me.

Every difference, every truth
Leads us back to something new.
It’s the power we can be
When we see what’s underneath.

Not just words, but energy.
That’s the power.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to The Power of Synergy on BBS. I am Gabrielle Cardona, and the number to the station is 888-627-6008.

I introduced my husband of now 32 years, and I am going to be talking about a couple of different principles when it comes to marriage.

People in this country kind of wrote off the institution of marriage in the eighties. It started to fizzle out in the seventies, when everyone was sleeping around and relationships were kind of a fluid concept. But here is the bottom line: divorce became so prevalent that the institution all but disappeared. People did not want to do the work of courting and then signing a contract, because in the event that they did divorce, it was a very expensive process.

I believe, and again my listeners know how I feel about feminism, that it just did not really do women a whole lot of good. Politically, it might have been successful because it helped them reach their secular and monetary goals. But socially, it did not strengthen or facilitate their synergy with men. It did not make them better partners and more building sources of energy.

The fact is, men and women do need each other. I liken them to body parts. Women are like hands. Men are like feet. Yes, you can pick things up with your feet, but not very well. And yes, you can walk on your hands, but not very long. We kind of forgot what roles we play in society, and then our competition, our political angst, almost undermined our ability to connect with each other and get that harmony going.

Again, 888-627-6008.

Let me ask my husband here now. You come from Tijuana, Mexico. I call it Sodom and Gomorrah of the northern end because, honey, where you grew up there were a lot of less-than-ideal circumstances. It was not the picturesque city.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, that one.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So you saw a lot of immoral behavior, but you still chose to live a lifestyle based on a certain standard.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, a moral standard.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
When we got married, that was the first time you and I had ever slept together. We were in a hotel room because the people who knew us did not want us to get married. Why did we literally have to elope? What was it like?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
It was fun and tiring because I drove all night. But it was actually like an adventure.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
But we did not need the cake and the dress and the 200 people. The only thing that you and I really agreed on was that we needed a really good pig because you taught me that Mexicans what?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
We love to party and eat pig.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Yes, you guys know how to party.

When we got together, if I had actually had a wedding with people there who did not want me to marry you, and they did not agree with you marrying me, that would have made one of the most important days in my life very negative.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Thirty-two years later, I would still be angry about the most important day in my life. When you literally pulled over onto the side of the road and I said, “Do you want to marry me or don’t you?” and you said yes, where do you want to go? You took action. That was exciting. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen, but at the same time, we agreed, and we were both in good spirits about it.

When we came back and the stuff hit the fan, we had a lot of social backlash.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, backlash.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
But the fact that we were together, that is what mattered.

One of my favorite jokes, and I know you have heard our son say it, is the computer’s gender in Spanish. Computer is?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Computadora.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
In Spanish, words are masculine or feminine. They do not say “the.” They say “el” or “la.” One of the students in an adult class asked, “Is it el computador or la computadora?” The teacher said, “Well, do you think it is more like a man or a woman?”

He said, “Never mind. I retract the question.”

She said, “No, let’s do this as a game. Women over here, men over there. Tell me if you think this thing is a guy or a gal.”

The men got out a pen and paper and started writing down a list of all the reasons why it was female. The teacher said, “Okay, wait a minute. Stop, stop. What are you writing down?”

They said, “This thing is a chick for four reasons. Number one, only their creator understands their logic. Number two, they speak a language only they can interpret. Number three, they store every mistake you ever make in long-term memory. And number four, half your paycheck goes to their accessories.”

The lady said, “Okay, ladies, I am drowning. Save me here.”

The women said, “No, this thing is a guy. We will tell you why. We have four reasons too. Number one, they will not do anything for you if they are not turned on. Number two, you can give them information all day long, but they are never going to think for themselves. Number three, they claim to solve all your problems, but in real life, when push comes to shove, they are usually the problem. And most importantly, number four, you know if you had just waited six months, you could have had a better one.”

Honey, people love that joke because there is truth to it, but fundamentally, it is the attitude, the negativity, the frustration between women and men.

When you and I got together, we agreed that we were going to ignore what people from where you were coming from were telling you, and what people from where I was coming from were telling me. We were going to figure it out ourselves.

When we moved in together, how long did it take us to synchronize in our life?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
It really did not take long because, first of all, what helped out is that you and I view things almost in the same way.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Right.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
So that helped out a lot, even though I am from a different culture than yours, and my family’s values are different from your family’s values. It actually helped us be in, like you say, synchronicity.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Synchronicity.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Synchronicity. That helped out a lot, and that is why we are where we are.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Because we were in a good mood with each other. Again, that goes back to there is no neutral energy. You are either positive or you are negative.

Honey, how much did we talk?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
A lot.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
About what?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
About everything. All the time.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It was pretty interesting. The fact is, and this is one of the things that I really did appreciate, it was not, “Well, I never knew,” or, “If you loved me, you would know.” I would actually tell you. Instead of getting angry with you for not knowing, I would just tell you.

Sometimes we had to agree about things like the principle of headship. Do you know that in this country, when I would tell the women in my secular environment that I was a submissive wife, oh man, the flak that I got? All that meant was that when it was time to make a decision, if you and I did not agree, I would still work with you, and I would let you have the final say.

In 32 years, how many times have you needed to say, “No, I am going to do what I want. I do not care what you say. I have the final say, and I am going to inflict my power over you”? In 32 years?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I want to say about three or four.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Right. And I do not even remember what they were. If we are talking about everything, then you know that I know that you know that I know what we both know. We can talk about the things that we might disagree about, but we can find something that will work for both of us.

If there ever really was a principle that I think was the best for our marriage, it was, do not go to bed angry.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, that is a big one.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Getting in a good mood. People say they are okay, but they are not really okay.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
They are not okay, no.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And they do not talk about what is not okay. But an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

We know people who have been married for 30-plus years, and they do not like to be together.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
No. That is sad.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It is. When we deliver food together for Uber Eats, how much fun do we have?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
We have a lot of fun. It is an adventure. It is pretty cool.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Let me ask you this. If I did not analyze and understand ESTP, which is your personality profile, how bad would I have been?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Really bad.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Because I do not know anything.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
No, but you understand my personality very well. A lot of people do not. They do not even take the time, not because they do not want to, but they just do not know how to read people.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
That is it. But you have an ability as a sensory perceiver. You can be around people and read their body language. I have to ask people questions. So I was interrogating you a lot because I wanted to make sure that what I was reading was accurate.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I felt like the KGB got a hold of me.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Was it worth putting up with answering all my questions?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
How many men, if the women would just ask them, “What can I do to make it easier for you?” would be just fine answering their questions?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
A lot. I think most guys would. It is just how you ask the question.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There we go. We are going to take another break. I am so glad you said that. Again, the number is 888-627-6008.

We are going to take another break real quick. When we come back, we are going to delve into that beautiful topic. This is The Power of Synergy on BBS.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
We have been brilliant from the start.
When we see with open eyes,
We do not divide; we unify.

It is the power,
The power of synergy,
Breaking walls and setting free.
Every voice and every mind
Finally seen, finally aligned.

It is the power of the truth we could not see,
Now it is right in front of me.
Not just people, destiny.
That is the power of synergy.

Every story, every sound.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to The Power of Synergy on BBS. I am Gabrielle Cardona.

Now we are going to get into actually personal stuff, very specific stuff, because what I have basically been talking about is conceptually principles that are universal. But in our situation, I am an INTP. I know not all my listeners know what that means, but you can go to my website and get your profile. My husband is an ESTP.

There are two principles that I always tell people in marriage: opposites attract, but birds of a feather flock together. You have to know what you are similar in and what you are different in, because in order to synchronize, which will help you synergize, you have to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You have to know their gifts and talents, but your own limitations.

So you can say to your life partner, “I want to live with you. I actually want to be with you throughout the day, because no matter what comes up, we can resolve it because we know how to maximize what you have and utilize and employ what I have in the most successful way.”

I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But there are going to be problems that inevitably do come up. So when they do, how do you fix those problems?

Let’s just talk about some of the basic differences. Honey, you come from Mexico. You come from Tijuana, Mexico. I come from Washington State, USA. There could not be more difference. Where you come from, women have certain things they do. Men have certain things they do.

How much of either of those things did you or I do when we moved in together after we got home from our honeymoon?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Not many.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Not anymore. First of all, because as a sensory perceiver, you have an ability to do things. Man, unbelievable.

What was the most exciting thing you did when we were trying to clean the kitchen, and what did I absolutely love that you did for me?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
You could not find the dustpan, so I picked up this newspaper, got the edge wet, put it on the ground, and swept all the dust into it and everything.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And you thought it was the greatest thing in the universe at that moment. Honey, the side of the newspaper stuck to the ground, so you did not even have to move it back. That is what excited me, because I hate when the dustpan bends and you have to keep moving it back to you. Then you could throw it away, so I did not even have to store it.

Do you know, as an INTP, that just solved three more problems in addition to the dust on the ground? Oh my God, honey. That was the foundation for, “You know what? No matter what happens in our life, I know that you can be resourceful because you are intelligent and because you come from a world where you literally had to create solutions. You had to produce your own alternative methods.”

So I knew, “Okay, now I have got this. This is good. There are no rules here about how to be.”

I was not taught how to cook. When you wanted me to cook, what was it like watching me cook?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
It was very painful.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Why?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Because you did not even know how to hold the spatula. You did not even know how to cut a vegetable. So I am like, “What is going on here?”

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Right. There you are, changing the baby’s diapers. I had to teach all of that. I had to face him. I was just, you know, because in this country women are told, “You have to beat men. You have to be the president.”

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I do not remember those, yes.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It is not about having a job at a Fortune 500 company. It was owning one. And if you were barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, you were not a real woman. You were a disappointment to our gender.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Right.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
If you were barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, everything I had was out of a can or a box in the microwave.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
See?

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Yes. But when we were figuring out peaceful coexistence, that is not just about putting up with each other.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
No.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It is about actually being okay with each other.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And liking each other. How many men, and this is another thing that I bring up with my audience, how many men are detached or disconnected? I have always said, if a man wants to be on the corner of a roof alone instead of in bed with me, that means there is something wrong with my attitude.

How many men where you come from know that they are not going to have a good relationship with the woman they live with? They are just going to put up with her.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
The culture is like that. Whether you are happy or not, it is, “Are you functioning the way you were taught about being a husband or a wife, about marriage, about kids?” You were taught those things from the get-go. So you have a way to follow, and that is what you are judged by, not by your relationship. It is just different.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
But then if they do not really talk to each other about things—

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
They cannot talk to each other. That is what it is. They just function the way they have been taught by the culture.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And that did not really look good to you?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Ever since I have known who I am, ever since I have known life, I looked at things and they did not make sense to me. So that is why I decided, “Let’s go try the U.S.,” because in the movies it was different, the way they would talk to each other on TV. I wanted to see if that was real or not. So I came here, and here I am, because I wanted something different than that style of life.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
When women were supposed to do certain things and men were supposed to do certain things. But honey, you are amazing at women things. I am sorry, but you can cook and clean and do dishes. But you can also do male things, because male to me is about provide and protect.

Let’s just take a step back because I did not even do this. How much education did you get? How many years of college did you get? When did you graduate high school?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I did not graduate high school. When my mother brought me here to San Diego, she said, “You are staying with your brother.” I said, “Okay, I want to go to school.” But my brother said, “No, you have to work.” I said, “Okay.” So I had to teach myself English. I never went to school for it at all. But I got my GED, I want to say, about 10 years ago.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So that means that we had been married for about 22 years when you got your GED.

When we were dating, and I was at my mom’s house, you were hanging out with her, I had Jeopardy! on, and I was walking in and out of the room. What would you do every time I would get ready to say an answer on Jeopardy!?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Beat you to it.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It was the right answer. How could you beat me at Jeopardy! if you never went to school?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I liked to read and to study. One of my goals in life was to find an apartment or a house close to a college and just take all the classes they had, because I wanted to be a student for the rest of my life. I like to read and be informed. I do not like to be walking around without knowing what is going on. So that helped me out a lot.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
I have always had a very curious mind. When we were dating, I hated you and I wanted to kill you every time you beat me, but I was very attracted to you because that is important in marriage. You have to want to continue to learn, and that is how you can work together.

We are going to take another break. Again, the number is 888-627-6008. This is The Power of Synergy on BBS.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
Same words, different meaning,
Same moment, different seeing.
You think it’s them; they think it’s you.
But there is a deeper point of view.

You said it straight; they took it wrong.
Now you are wondering what went on.
Same sentence, different weight,
Now you are standing in debate.

You call it honest; they feel hit.
You move fast; they need to sit.
You think silence means they do not care.
They think space means their way.

It is not the words; it is how they land.
It is not the fight; it is what they can understand.
Explain in ways you recognize,
Because you are not seeing through their eyes.

That is the power,
The power of synergy,
Understanding what you do not see.
Same words, but a different code,
Different minds on a different road.

That is the power
When it finally clicks.
Not about wrong,
Not about—

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to The Power of Synergy on BBS. I am Gabrielle Cardona, a relationship coach. I have been in business for about 22 years, telling people how to make their relationships healthy and happy and strong.

I have been telling people the tricks that my husband and I have to not only stay on the same page, but stay in a good mood. A lot of people say, “That is really nice for you to preach to me, but you are like a marital counselor. Ten bucks says you are not really doing what you say, and I would love to hear your husband’s side of the story.”

So I am letting my husband tell his side of the story today. If you have any questions that you would want to ask him about the things that we do, I am going to get even more specific about how an ESTP and an INTP can get together in marriage, and what that means for the rest of the world in principle. The number is 888-627-6008. That is the number to the station.

Now, honey, we were talking about how you are a very smart man, even though you did not go to school, and you have a lot of amazing abilities. But it was about our attitude.

If I had been like the women where you come from, or like the women where I come from, they play emotional games and they use psychological warfare. They just detach and disconnect, and they have an alternate lifestyle.

When you and I were dating each other, you actually asked me a question about infidelity. Do you remember the question you asked me?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
About if you were ever unfaithful?

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Well, yes. What would you do if I was ever unfaithful?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
What would I do?

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
You basically said, would you forgive me? I said, “Well, of course I would. First of all, because you are Mexican and all Mexicans cheat. Second, because if we have a good marriage, I am not going to be stupid and throw it away for one stupid mistake that you made as a man. Women in my life told me that all men are stupid. And if you were honest with me, that is what matters.”

But what was your response when you said, “Really?”

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I said that was wrong. I felt like I would not be able to be with you anymore because, in my mind, you do not accidentally do something like that. Unless somebody drugs you or gets you drunk, then it is not you. But when it is you, then it is you. You can forgive, but that stain is going to be there whether you like it or not. I do not believe in that at all.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Infidelity is not accidental. What you told me was, if I am with another woman, it means I am not with you anymore. I thought, “Oh my God, that is insane. I did not know that.”

First of all, men are not stupid people. They actually know exactly what they are doing, and they have the ability to make a good or bad choice. If they love you enough, they will do the work. What that means is you need to be the kind of woman who is not going to make him want to be with another woman. That is a very simple principle.

When we are living life in a daily way with each other, there were other things that I saw that were not true. Men apologized to women a lot when they were not really sorry. That was their way of shutting women up and making them go away. So what is my rule that I set up with us around “sorry”?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Sorry that I am not sorry.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There you go. You at least have to be honest with me. You do not have to be sorry because there are going to be times when we do not agree. But at least be honest with me that you are not sorry. I can accept that because I am not going to change your mind.

As an ESTP, you are very good at being sensory. I cannot be sensory to save my life. I am really, really bad at it. I can be intuitive in my sleep, but for you, it is like running uphill barefoot in the snow. There are going to be times when we hit an impasse, and we are going to have to agree to disagree.

But you know that I know that you know that I know that you know what we are disagreeing about, because we know everything about every detail that we disagree about. That is why it is important to go to bed in a good mood.

I have things that I do that keep me in a good mood. Honey, let me ask you this. How many men, if a woman came up to him and said, “This will put me in a very good quality emotional state,” how many men would say, “No, I do not want you to do it”?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Most men would want to do that because we just want peace at home. We want to go home from work. We deal with the world, we deal with other men or whatever, and coming home to something like that is like, “How am I going to escape from this world?” So when women tell us, or say, “You know what? This is what I need,” we are willing to do that just to keep the peace. And if we love you, then we will work on that as much as we can.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
The things that I do, like stretching every day, sometimes it takes longer than other times. Sometimes it is Sudoku. But the fact is, it is good quality improvement of who I am and how I am, so that I am in a genuinely good mood when I come back.

Certain other people in our life that I will not mention by name, they say and do things, but when they come back and they are done, how much better are they actually?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Not really. They are not. Either they are faking it, or they just do not care and continue doing it. It did not work.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
That means they are either detached or disconnected. What is the danger of being detached or disconnected, either from yourself, disconnected from yourself, or detached from your mate?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Whatever relationship you are in or trying to build does not exist. It is just emptiness. There is nothing there.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Do you remember that song in the eighties, “Time Makes Lovers Feel Like They’ve Got Something Real”?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes. When I heard that, I thought, “Wow, that is so true.”

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
You can be together for 50 years, but that does not mean there was love at all, that there was passion, that there was anything. It is just time.

When people say, “Yes, I am with my partner,” I have told you many times, if you are not really with me while we are physically in the same place, I do not want to be physically in the same place with you. I want to be mentally and emotionally at least where I know that you know that you know that I know where we both are at all times.

That may seem weird for some men, but if the woman knows herself and can express it to a man, men actually are not stupid people. They are actually pretty intelligent.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
It is really dark.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And they are not selfish, and they do have self-control. You were attracted to me while we were dating, but you were able to wait until our honeymoon because you had discipline and because it was worth it. You had a value system that said, “It is going to be worth it to do this, to make this sacrifice.”

When we are talking about money, I can make a lot of money with the work I do. Why have you and I never been on vacation?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Because we do not need one. I do not need one. When we sit and do things together and hang out or drive around, it is relaxing. Why go do something that you do not need?

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
We have never needed to escape from our life. That is usually what a vacation is. If you are having fun all day, every day with a person that you like—remember when we saw Julie in Starbucks? She actually asked us if we were having an affair. Did you know she was that weird?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
That was so bizarre.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
What was the reason she gave that she thought that?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
We were together, we were laughing and talking and just having fun. So we must have been doing something bad. But no, I told her we had been married for over 25 years.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
You can still be like boyfriend and girlfriend if you know how to communicate in a way that is not going to turn the other person off.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
That is true.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
We are going to take one last break. When we come back, I am going to talk about all of the secret ingredients that I have been holding out. Anybody who has waited this long to hear them has a right to hear all the good stuff now.

We will be right back. This is The Power of Synergy on BBS Radio. I am Gabrielle Cardona.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
There is a pattern to identity,
And when you learn the way they move,
You know exactly what to do.

That is the power of synergy.
I am standing where you do not see.
Same words, but a different code,
Different minds on a different road.

That is the power when it all aligns.
You stop guessing; start reading signs.
It is not surface; it is energy.
That is the power of synergy.

It is not about fixing people.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to The Power of Synergy. I am Gabrielle Cardona, a relationship coach. This is BBS Radio.

I just have to give a shout-out to my producer and the owner of BBS Radio, Donald Newsom. Thank you so much for supporting me. I have done a lot of work over the years with a lot of different institutions, with a lot of different causes, and yes, this is the genuine article. This is high-quality people, and that is why I stick with BBS Radio.

Even my listeners want to know the accurate information. They do not just want verbal vomit. Media has become something very toxic, giving people a lot of incorrect information. But when you have something good to offer people, give it to them. You do not have to expect something in return, and that is the principle of marriage.

I have written a book, Till Death Do Us Part, with the secrets of how, after 32 years, my husband and I are still like boyfriend and girlfriend. When we hang out, we have fun together. I have rules that I stick to.

But I feel like people in the United States just want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want. Well, that is great. Then you are not marriage material. You do not have the ability. You need strength, ability, flexibility, endurance. You need a lot of things in order to synchronize, to synergize with someone and live with them all day, every day.

Again, one last time, the number is 888-627-6008.

One of the things that I like to tell people is if you want to put me first—because a lot of people say, “Put the mask on yourself first. You cannot help anybody else until you help yourself,” or, “It is not worth helping someone else if it is going to cost you your life”—the principle is two-to-one. Whatever you ask from someone in the way of time, money, energy, or quantity, for yourself to put yourself ahead of them, the return on the investment has to be at least twice as good or twice as much as you would have given to them, or been to them, had they not provided you that.

Honey, when I have to stretch, or when I have to walk, or when I have to listen to music, what are you pretty confident of?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Whatever you are going through, you are going to work through it, and you are going to come out not perfect, but feeling much better and healthier.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And it is worth the sacrifice?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Of course it is. It is worth the time, and yes, it is pretty good actually.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
That begs the next question. Some people say quid pro quo. That is a principle of this for that, checks and balances. But punishing someone for the bad or rewarding them for the good, what is going to be more effective?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Usually rewarding people who do good. Some people do not take punishment the same as others, but all people will always feel good when they are rewarded for something they do.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Exactly.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
They will work harder to get that.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There you go, because positive is actually more powerful than negative. Negative is infectious, but when you say to someone, “If you do this for me, I am going to reward you very nicely,” how quickly are they going to want to do that again?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
As opposed to, “If you do this, I am going to punish you,” or “If you do not do this for me.” That just puts a negative spin on it, and there is no neutral energy. You are either positive or negative.

Ignorant, indifferent, impotent, or incompetent—all four of those elements can undermine your connection. But if you have good positive energy in what you are doing, investing in the relationship will always be worth any sacrifice that you make.

The next one is the “get out of jail free” card. First of all, it is very important to keep laughter in your marriage. I always say DOSE: dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. There are two experiences in life that release all four of those chemicals. One is laughter, and the other one is orgasm.

How important is laughter in a marriage?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Very important. And you need to laugh at yourself.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Yes, that is very important.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
But still laugh at the other person without making them feel bad.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There are some times when you just have to say to someone, “We are going to agree to disagree,” and give them a get out of jail free card. Your touchstone is, can I still have a good quality laugh with this person? If not, you have got to take a step out and get re-centered.

That is what those things I do are about. They are about getting me into my mind, my heart, and my body in a good condition. Sometimes you do not even know what you need. But if I know that, as an SP, as an ESTP, this is something I can give you, it is going to be worth it because good is more powerful than bad.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Definitely.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
In relationships, when you have success together, you strengthen that. The numbers go up. When you stay synchronized, then that also improves your resolve to continue doing things that before you would have given up on.

I call synergy an art. This is the acronym that I like: A-R-T. Appreciation, Respect, and Trust.

Honey, I am attractive. That is part of the reason why I am on the radio instead of television. When I am going through the city, because I work in Phoenix in public transportation, I get a lot of men looking at me and a lot of men hitting on me.

How much do you trust men in the world today?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Not much. Not much at all, to be honest with you. It is kind of rare to find somebody who will actually live up to the standard.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Especially because you are thinking in English and Spanish. But yes, the standard. When you have the standard.

How much do you trust me?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
I trust you 100 percent.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There you go. So that is how I can do the things other people would say, “Well, if you are gorgeous, your husband is probably controlling you.”

No, he is not.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
No.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Because there is trust. There is respect. There is appreciation.

Appreciate can actually mean two things. It can mean to put value on something, to increase the value of something, but it also means gratitude. A good marriage is worth a lot, but when you are grateful for the institution, that is as important as the person.

Respect is about honor and dignity. In marriage, appreciation, respect, and trust are equally vital. None of them are negotiable.

The only way those things can continue to maintain and sustain momentum in the synergy of your marriage is if you continually communicate and confirm. In 32 years, you have changed a little. I have changed a little. But do not change more than 10 percent at a time, and give yourselves three weeks.

If you are going to modify your behavior, give yourselves room and space, and give each other room and space to grow. If I am saying to you, “I am going to give you something. This is what I need for what you are getting,” I tell you right away what I need. Then we talk about it. If it works, great. If it does not, we still have to go to bed in a good mood.

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Yes, basically.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
It is not easy because simple is not the same thing as easy. But how often has it been worth it?

Speaker 2 – Gabrielle Cardona’s Husband:
Very often. All day, every day.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Our kids are all grown up now. Now it is just us, and we are like newlyweds again, right? Without anyone or anyone else?

My website is life-synergy-coaching.com. I have three books. One is Embrace Your True Nature, which helps you find out about who you are before you even get married. One is Till Death Do Us Part, which is marriage practical. The other one is The Life Coaching Workbook.

All three of those books are available on my website, and they have all of the information about how to get healthy and centered in yourself first, and then bring other people into your life. That is what makes it amazing.

Thank you so much for listening to The Power of Synergy on BBS Radio. I am Gabrielle Cardona. Again, if you want to email me as well, it is synergyrelationshipcoaching@gmail.com.

We will see you here next week.

Speaker 3 – Theme Song / Prerecorded Music Segment:
It is about knowing what matters to them.
You want better relationships?
Then read deeper.
You want real change?
Start with you.

Same words, different meaning,
Same truth, different seeing.
Not conflict, misread signs,
Different wiring, different minds.

That is the power,
The power of synergy,
Where awareness becomes clarity.
Every difference finally makes sense,
Now you move with intelligence.

That is the power,
The shift you feel
When you finally see what is real.
Not reaction, but strategy.
That is the power of synergy.

Not guessing.
Not reacting.
Understanding.
That is synergy.