Rebuilding Connection: Listening, Trust, and Relationship Restoration

Speaker Identification

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host. She identifies herself by name and as the host of The Power of Synergy.

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest. The first and last name are rendered this way in the opening introduction, although the surname is not completely clear in the automated transcript.

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal / Musical Interlude. This label covers the sung opening, break music, and closing theme lyrics.

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
We are more than what we see Every voice, every story Hold the key Together we rise In synergy Different faces, different pain Different stories, same refrain Trying to find a place to stand Trying to find a guiding hand What you say and what you mean Life's somewhere in between Every action has a cause Every heart behind the walls Feel something, we can hear it If you're okay We can see it There's a pattern in the soul Every piece can make us whole The power of synergy Understandin' you and me Every difference, every truth Lead us back to somethin' It's the power we can be When we see what's underneath

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome to the power of synergy On BBS Radio I'm your host Gabrielle Cardona Synergy That's a fun word to say What does it mean? It means that when we come together We impact each other In an amazing way And in a powerful way And in a profound way Wow, that means We have a lot of potential But we can either do good or bad things I've been a relationship coach I've been a life coach I've been a mother and I've been a wife And I can tell you something Consistently with humans Yeah, we affect each other We can have a positive or a negative effect Now, I started out 22 years ago As a life coach And people said, you know No, life coach, that's too General, it's too ambiguous What is it that in life You're coaching people to be better at? That's why I just did an inventory I said, well, what do my clients Come to me for help with? You know what? Relationships They have a job where Someone they're working with is driving them crazy Or they have health issues They're eating because they can't relate To their parents and they're compensating For something Or, you know what? Sometimes it really and truly is I love my wife, I just can't stand Living with her anymore Yes, people It's very real technology Has made it harder for us to connect With people because it's telling us We're social, but we're not truly Connecting with the people That we're socializing with You know what? I love to tell people You have the potential to do Amazing things with people You've just got to get back together With them and usually my show Is about interviewing The general world Letting people call in and ask questions But today I have a very special guest She has been a professional connection For me, with me For a long time now And actually I got off social media Because I thought it was a little bit Less productive than I was hoping for But I stayed on LinkedIn Because I do have some Very, very priceless People that I do work with And that I have shared thoughts and experience With and they really were very good Time spent for me Now, I want to introduce her name is Maureen Why don't you tell me, Maureen, about a little Just an overview of Your name and your business And your website and all that good stuff But what kind of work do you do?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Hey, thank you, Gabrielle, for the question And hi to everyone who is listening today So, like Gabrielle said, my name is Maureen Herry Rose And I am a relationship faith-based, solution-focused coach A little bit about my background: I'm a clinical mental health counselor And I'm also a licensed professional counselor as well I work with premarital couples And individuals helping them to navigate The different issues that comes up in relationships And so I'm very happy to be here today And to be with my friend and colleague, Gabrielle

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Thank you so much, Maureen Now, here's what I want to tell people I've been given a lot of kind of suggestions That, you know, I take kind of with a grain of salt And they basically say, well, you know what? You're wasting your time Giving to people who aren't going to be High productive monetarily You're not going to be getting a lot of money Like, one of the things that I do is coaching At the homeless shelter in downtown Phoenix You know what? I don't get any money from that What kind of work, Maureen, would you say you do That's more about quality than quantity?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So, quality for me is when I work with an individual or I work with a premarital couple Who want to get married and not very sure of Where to start? What are the foundational tenets that they need to be aware of? And when I go through those sessions with them And they are able to say that those sessions benefit them That means a lot And then when I work with couples and they would share You know, the outcome, the desired outcome that they get from these sessions And the important thing is that change is taking place So that to me is quality over quantity Thank you

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Thank you so much and this is what I tell people It may sound oversimplified But you know what? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure Now, what I was told when I started my practice was You're trying to save the Titanic with a teaspoon You've got to get your message to the world You have to write a book Okay, so I wrote a book Now again, as I originally started as a life coach Teaching people how to be successful in their own personal space In their own world Then, yeah, people wanted to know But how do I get healthy as an individual? Okay, so I taught them how to embrace your true nature But you know what? Everyone kept coming to me with How do I get in sync with the person that I'm with? Now, let me ask you this, Maureen How much is an ounce of prevention worth a pound of cure? When you're coaching people, when you're helping them synchronize to synergize How much are you teaching people just about their own mindful personal self-awareness And how much of it is about unifying with the person that they're trying to partner up with?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So, when it comes to how much there was a lot in some of your questions I didn't hear everything But if the question was how much and my help in others Then the answer would be Each day or each session I have different approaches, you know, that I would use with my clients As to their goals What is it they want to achieve from each session And I would use different techniques to help individuals For example, if somebody was to talk to me about You know that they're struggling with communication Then I would use various communication models to help them And one of them is what I call How well will you communicate by using What I call The root model or how well will you understand each other In regards to how you want them to understand you as well Because within the relationship, many times persons are not really listening to each other And so because of that, there are issues that will come up to the point that a couple will say I will not feel heard

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
There you go, okay, so what we're going to do, I love that you brought this up Because this is kind of potentially Pandora's box Can you hear me okay right now, Maureen? Yes, I'm hearing you Okay, good, so what we're going to do is we're going to take a real quick break Just a 30 second break because I'll be prepared So we're going to have a few questions to see how similar you and I are in not only our approach But really getting to the source of the cause of the effect that is what you just brought up So we're going to take a real quick break and when we come back We're going to delve into this topic a little deeper, okay? Thank you so much Perfect, okay, so this is the power of synergy on BBS radio I'm Gabrielle Cardona, we'll be right back

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
We're going to take a stand Not against but side by side With the way and the side are guys the power The power of synergy, understanding you and me Every difference, every truth leads us back to something new It's the power we can't be when we see what's underneath Not just worth good energy That's the power of synergy

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to the power of synergy on BBS I'm Gabrielle Cardona And today my very special guest is Maureen Herry Rose She's actually very similar to me in her work that she has a different kind of approach But here's before Maureen I go to the next question What I really want people to understand is it's about the principles Laws and mandates and rules Those are very specifically assigned to specific questions And specific topics The principles are about the concepts that are the foundation for what we teach our clients Now you brought up something very important Maureen I know we kind of say it as a joke We have two ears and one mouth We're supposed to listen to twice as much as we speak But how often do you think people genuinely just don't feel heard by their partner Or whoever they're working with on their relationship?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
The idea is many couples I find out that you will hear this statement very often I do not feel heard Because the idea behind feeling heard is To be able to attune to your partner To be able to lean into your partner when the person is talking with you And then you're going to be using active listening Where you pay attention Focus on what is said What your partner is saying to you So when I talk earlier about the root model of communication It's really an acronym And it's a simple way I have several of them But this one is a simple way to help couples to get to the root of what's really happening And not just the surface reaction So the R-Mean recognizing the issue So when your partner is talking with you Listen to hear what is the real issue And then the O is for owning your part Listen also What is it that your partner is saying to you that you can help to make the change or be the change And then the O is for opening your heart Show some empathy and some compassion And lean into your partner as well So that your partner can feel that you are right there with them in the moment And then the T is for Turn toward each other Not the outside person But turn toward each other While you're listening to what is the real cause of the problem And what I find out is that Couples will come back and share In sessions that they have been trying it And it is working for them Because it helps to keep them honest and grounded also And also to be able to help them to respond to each other instead of reacting

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay, now you're talking about responding instead of reacting That's easier said than done How do you just spend the week with my grandmother And I gotta tell you, it brought up a lot of stuff For me and it was very hard for me to not react to her Responding is about being proactive Okay, that means you have to be aware of what's going on And when you understand the person that you're with It's a lot easier to interpret things that Well, you know, might have been confusing in the past How often when people are working together Do you think do they really understand who they're with Because before I let you answer that I'm just gonna give my listeners an example of my children If all three of my children came to me and said, Mom, can I play with the matches? For my oldest son, my response, he's in ESFJ I'd say, okay, honey, you're angry at me I understand you're telling me you're gonna burn the house down You have my attention If it was my daughter, she's an ENFJ I would say, okay, you have a friend trying to get you to do something bad Bring your friend and I'll tell her no for you My son, my middle son, my ISTP I'd say, sure, as long as you clean up your bedroom I've got a great box of matches on top of the fridge We can go burn something down How often do people just genuinely not understand That the exact same words can mean five different things from five different people

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Definitely, and that is why it's important to have the relevant conversation and provide clarity If somebody misunderstand what is being said The important thing is to provide clarity or to help them to understand what you really want them to hear you see Responding Here's the thing about responding, Gabrielle Responding ought to be the intent I want to use the word intentional You know, really intentional about it and then reacting, it comes from a place of impulsive behavior So when couples learn to respond or whether they're a parent and child relationship or grandma When they learn to respond, they slow down I say to my clients, I use the use the word Please pause first Because if you do not pause to listen and pause to speak You're going to come from a place of reacting, impulsive behavior Because the body will not listen to you The nervous system is there clicking away Ready to give a response And most time, reactive responses Do not provide any solution at all And so one has to be mindful of that Because reacting is where your nervous system talking, not your heart

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
And so one of the toughest things that I find to teach them is anxiety is your reaction to what could potentially happen Fear is about what is happening And anger is about what has happened So sometimes people think that those emotions, since they're kind of negative emotions That they're bad things, they're not bad things Those are good things that our body gives us They just can't be the foundation for what we interact with other people on We have to process those things separate from them before we come together So do you have suggestions that you give your couples, your individual clients Potentially separate from each other while the other one's in the room That you can say, yeah, this really works for them to compartmentalize It's okay to have negative feelings, but not negative behavior

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So depending on the situation, you know Like I said, depending on what they bring to the session And what they need help for So there are times when one partner is willing to listen And then the other one might be struggling And so I would have to present, you know, different or we explore different intervention So that the partner, if I'm working with one spouse at a time Or if when both of them is in the room Then we work together and help them to understand the importance of hearing what their spouses say to them And the other thing I would use is what is called a simple three-step shift And I would say it is about pausing, processing and proceeding So it's about one, like three piece, pause, take a breath, slow down and listen Process, ask yourself, what's the real issue? What's going on here? What am I feeling? What do I need? And we can also ask, what is your spouse feeling? What do they need? You can ask your spouse, I say that to them Ask your spouse, what do you need from me right now? And then proceed, speak without anger, as best as possible Choose words that build you up and not break you down Or build the relationship rather than break it down That's the way to proceed And so it's really my three piece, I use it with them sometimes to help them to navigate the listening communication piece

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay, but now we're going to take a real quick break When we come back, I want you to expound on that with something that I found on your profile On LinkedIn, relational restoration Because I think that might have something to do with the reestablishment of that connection So we're going to take a quick break and I want you to maybe explain that in a little bit more detail, okay? This is the power of synergy on BBS radio. I'm your host, Gabrielle Cardona

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
[Unintelligible musical vocalization]

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
On the start, when we see with open eyes, we don't divide, we unify. It's the power, the power of synergy, breaking walls and setting free, every voice in every mind, finally seem finally aligned. It's the power, the truth we couldn't see now, it's right in front of me now. Just people destiny, that's the power.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Welcome back to the Power of Synergy on BBS. I'm Gabrielle Cardona, a relationship coach. I've had a lot of work and a lot of coaching venues and forums. Yeah, you know what? Talking to a group of people, it's much easier than one-on-one simply because they can't respond, but at the same time, you know what? That's really the nitty gritty of making the good quality changes in your life, interacting. Maureen, before we talk about relational restoration, I just got to say this. I really think that technology has undermined our ability to effectively communicate because we're not saying as much and it's not as high quality. So now how much in a relationship? Okay, you know what? Just take a deep breath. And we got to slow down and we got to get back together. How much is an ounce of prevention? How much is a pound of cure? What is relational restoration in your mind and in your practice, the kind of work you do? What does that mean for people who are trying to get back together?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
In regards to my work, when it comes to relationship restoration, what I try to present to my couples is that relationship restoration is a process to help you to repair what was broken. Restoration has to do with rebuilding. When you think of a house and if there's something going on with this structure of the building, you recognize that you're going to call a builder in to check on it for you and depending on what they say, then you're going to get the materials together and to do the restoration. Similar to a relationship, it's about repairing what was broken. But the important thing is to, I say to couples, what is it that you will think is broken? They should be able to identify before they can start the restoration piece. And then after that is identified and the rebuilding can be taken place and reconnecting what was disconnected. So it's not just about getting back together or moving on. It is about the healing, the root cause of the problem. And what restoration means also is we address what happened and then we come up with a plan to repair whatever that situation was. And then to do the rebuilding and in all of that, we can also create new patterns. Because sometimes in a building, sometimes a piece of it may have to be totally demolished and add some new foundation materials or new blocks or new tiles, whatever that looks like. Sometimes we have to create new patterns and then we continue the reconnecting process. So that in a nutshell is what relationship restoration looks like.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay. So that's kind of what I just call synchronize to synergize. You have to make sure you get back on the same page. So that's when you're working together. And this, I love the fact that my husband was on my show last week. That one of my little tricks in marriage, people think we're still boyfriend and girlfriend because of the way that we act with each other. I say, honey, now we've covered this and now I know that you know that I know that you know. So we can't play dumb anymore. And he starts laughing. He's like, so I'm trapped. I said, yes. Now we're both accountable because once we both have power, I ask people this. I say a very simple touchstone question that you can ask yourself is when someone is done interacting with me, are they a better quality soul than when I approached them before I came into their life because there is no neutral energy. You are either going to have a positive or a negative effect on someone else. And when you know that the effect that you had on someone was positive, then you can say even if we don't have a quantifiably large amount of progress being made, the quality means an ounce of gold is worth more than a pound of fertilizer. We don't have to have a lot of something to have it be very good quality.

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Definitely. And okay.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
So then when I'm talking about the art of aim and I don't know how much your clients use this, but I have to use acronyms a lot. It sounds like you'd like to because you use them. That's very effective. It helps people remember things, but it also simplifies. When I say, a R T of A I M, we have appreciation and respect and trust of people's abilities and their intentions and their motives. People have to genuinely appreciate their partner's abilities. They have to respect their intentions, but mostly they have to trust their motives. If any of those elements are missing, it's just not going to work. You can't do it without all three of those things. How much more in your experience, especially in the modern world, the society we live in, how much do people genuinely not trust the person that they're with?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
The idea is that when you are together, is that you have to, is one of the important tenets. And if it weren't taught or bring up in the early parts of the relationship for individual to understand what trust really means. Yes, every couple have an idea of what trust is. And sometimes I learned some new things from couples when they share what just means to them. For some persons as simple as when you're going on the street, let me know where you're going. And they're comfortable with that. So the idea is what for each couple, what is their version of just? And once they establish that, then it's for them to be able to live it so that they can develop and grow trust in each other. So people trust each other in different ways. Most time when it comes to couples, they have to have their own view. I trust you to pick up the children from school. I trust you to make sure that you make sure the door is closed at night. So it depends on how they simplify it. What is their view on trusting? And that is what I pick up in different sessions. People have their own version of how they establish trust. And so once they know that, they try to practice it the best way they can. But sometimes it is broken. So a couple doesn't trust each other because they say, I trust you. We have to understand that couples will trust each other because the relationship becomes a place where their heart is. And then once they know that each other got each other, because remember, a trust is not just a promise. It's a pattern, daily pattern that persons practice in their relationship.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Thank you. Okay. So then based on that principle, again, because it's not about a hard, fast rule, what works like, like magic with one person can almost guarantee failure with someone else. You have to get to know that person and how distinct they are. I love in Spanish how the English word “know”, there's two different words. Learning information is saber, but knowing a person is conocer a la persona, you have to know to them. You literally have to understand them on a more profound level. And how much do you think people just don't know how to communicate effectively anymore? Because sometimes the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, you need God's help for that because is that too much information when you really want to get to know someone to understand them. How do you know how much information to give? And so I'm sorry. Did you hear what I just said? I was wondering if that was a question for me. I wasn't too sure. Yeah. No, how much of being honest with someone should you be? Because for some reason, if they have a trust issue, they might not want all the information. They can't handle the truth. It was good when Jack Nicholson said it. How honest should you be with your partner when you want to build their trust?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So the idea is relationship is built on several tenets, as I said earlier, initially. It's also about what is it that you both talk about that you want to see in your relationship. That's for sure. Honesty would be one of those. I have never met anyone so far who would have said honesty is not one of those tenets that you'd want to have in their relationship. It's a very important aspect of the relationship. So in general, couples should be honest enough to build trust, but wise enough to protect the relationship. So honesty is not... Yes, honesty is not saying everything that comes to mind. One need to recognize that. Honesty is to share what strengthens the connection and the safety within the relationship. Honesty also should cause calm, healing and not harm within the relationship. So how much do you share? Do you have to be able to analyze that, evaluate it and assess it within their relationship? Do I share this? Or do I just have a conversation that maybe just touch on some points of the situation and maybe when it is assessed, maybe that other part is not relevant. So it takes couples to be able to really analyze it. To say, do I share this with my spouse right now? Is my spouse, as you said earlier, Gabrielle, is my spouse able to manage this? Is my spouse able to receive this information? So some information might not be necessary to share, but the information that is important to the relationship. Yes, those things are to be upfront and being very honest with each other. So let's just look quickly at this. You can be honest about your feelings. That's totally okay. You know, I feel and you use the I feel statements and you share, I need whatever you need, whatever you feel, share it. Be honest about it. So be honest about your needs. Your partner can't meet the needs they don't know about. So one of the things is, if you need more affection, say it. I need more affection. I need clearer communication. I needed to check in with me, say it, express it. So the other thing is, be honest about what you develop in your relationship as the boundaries. Actually you have personal boundaries and you have relationship boundaries. I teach those when I use a psycho-educational model with my with couples to let them know the difference. So boundaries within the relationship is, I need some quiet time. Maybe after work, can you give me five minutes? You know, I need us to be on the same page when it comes to family involvement. Whatever that looks like, when it comes to dealing with the kids with conflict or when it comes to, I don't want us discussing conflict in front of our kids, whatever that looks like in the relationship. So, it has to do with couples being able to communicate what is important to them. And then another thing is, to be honest about mistakes. Own them. If we make a mistake, we're not perfect. If we make a mistake, own it. Do not project it on the other partner. And so it's important to just own. I reacted too quickly and I'm sorry. I didn't handle my anger very well and I'm sorry. That's honesty. And the final, there are many more because, you know, I don't want to take over the whole show, telling you about all of these. But those are just some examples about how honest we can be in the relationship.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Yeah. Did I lose it?

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay. So we're going to take a quick break. No. Can you hear me?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Yes, I'm hearing you. I'm hearing you. Okay. So we're going to, we're going to take another quick break. And when I come back, I do have a couple more questions. I wanted to ask you about those points, but we'll go ahead and take a break. This is the power of synergy on BBS. I'm Gabrielle Cardona.

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
Same words, different meaning, same moment, different seeing. You think it's them. They think it's you, but there's a deeper point of view. You said it straight. They took it wrong. Now you're wondering what went on. Same sentence, different weight. Now you're standing in debate. You call it honest. They feel hit. You move fast. They need to sit. You think silence means they don't care. They think space means your way. It's not the words. It's how they land. It's not the fight. It's what they can. Explain in ways you recognize, because you're not seeing through their eyes. That's the power. The power of synergy. Understanding what you don't see. Same words, but a different code. Different minds on a different road. Welcome back to the power of synergy on BBS. I'm Gabrielle Cardona, a relationship coach, and I teach people how to get together with people. Now you know what? We live in a world where people don't know how to be together. Everything from going to a restaurant and literally the cashier getting upset with you when you want to talk to them instead of using the kiosk. Even a bus driver saying, you're not allowed to talk to me while I drive, because you're endangering the lives of the people. If you can't talk while you drive, you need to not be a bus driver. People need to ask you questions. Now couples, Maureen is my guest today on my show. I'm sorry, but when families literally are in a restaurant, all sitting at the same table and they're all on their electronic devices, no one is looking at each other, that's scary. We need to get back together. If we have that communication in our relationship to where, okay, we've actually made progress. Now my daughter literally said to me, well, we were at a very bad fast food restaurant that I'm not going to plug because the food is so bad. But she literally turned to me and said, Mom, if you ever pull your cell phone out while you are with me in public, I will divorce you. She was 12 at the time. I said, honey, my phone is in my purse under my chair on silent. What is this about? She said, look at that family over there. The mother and the father were not even trying to be with their children because you know what? They weren't with each other. We have to get together and make that connection with each other when we respect each other and when we're honest, we're trusting each other, we're vulnerable. Yeah, you know what? Faith, we have to have faith in not only the partner that we have chosen for life. My husband, 32 years, we just had our anniversary and half the time, we don't even know what in the world each one is doing, but we talk about everything all the time. My son and his wife, they don't have to do that. She's an intuitive feeler. She practically knows what my son is thinking before he says it, whatever works for you. Maureen, how many years did you say? Did you say? Because I don't remember if you said how long you've actually been doing this kind of work?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So I've been in counseling for over 20 years.

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Okay. And so I started in school counseling and working with school environment, inclusive of the community. And then even with that, during those moments, I used to help pro bono couples go into a relationship. It's just premarital counseling. It's just never charged. So for a while, I was doing it pro bono and did not take any charge. I started to develop my Christian relationship coaching and I also do relationship restoration. You know, that's a part of my theme. So that has been for about, I'm not doing it. It's kind of, it's fairly about five years going on.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay. So have you noticed, I'm sorry, but I just think COVID really, really undermined our ability just to connect with each other because for example, okay, I'm Italian and my husband is Mexican. We're very much about physical demonstration of love and affection. When we were told you better take a step back from me and you cover your face, people did not want to get together. That trust was a really, if I touch you, if I talk to you, if I get near you, I'm going to get sick and I'm going to die. But then we have again, what I'm going to go back to the technology, people genuinely do not get to know each other. So they don't have that connection. How much of what the work that you've done has changed over the last, we'll say five years just because now everybody has to do everything on their phone and they are scared to death of getting together with people, even though these diseases, you know what, they're not as fatal. How much have you seen the changes in people's attitudes and their approaches to that personal connection?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
It has eroded relationship for sure. I've worked with people who are struggling because technology has been taking over their relationship when it comes to quality time. So you will hear from a spouse that my partner is mostly on the phone or mostly checking out different activities that are on whichever technology forum. There's a time and place for everything. There are times when we have to identify our me time and our we time. And so couples need to have those conversation. So the problem is not to be on the technology, whatever that is, whatever they use, but the idea is to be mindful of each other. You know, where is my me time and where is our we time? And once that is established, then those boundaries will fall into place. You talk earlier about the dining table. And where are the dining table? It's supposed to be a place of connection, conversation and just being present with each other. So when technology enters that space, what it does, it quickly breaks the connection that the couple or the family should have together. So it's important to really be mindful of each other and those special moments that, you know, you want to spend to each other because technology has a way of interrupting presence. It can also be in emotional connection within the relationship. So you find that you miss the chance to ask your partner, how was their day? You know, you miss those small emotional clues. You know, each person's facial expressions because it is down, your head is down on the phone. You may be saying something to your partner. And if you were paying attention, you realize that they're giving you a clue. But because you're not looking in your face, you don't see it. So you miss the opportunity to bond to simple clues or conversation. So it can fade and it really can erode relationships in these days. And so couples need to be mindful. Families need to be mindful that technology has its place. And when I have to deal with those things, I bring these ideas to the forum, to the couples, to the room to let them know that it can create emotional distance. When attention goes to the phone, the partners become the secondary person within the relationship. Yeah, feeling ignored, feeling unimportant, feeling disconnected and the list goes on. So it's important to reduce the use of technology when it comes to those meaningful quality time. Thank you.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Okay. But when I'm talking to people, sometimes I do surveys for my show and I literally will just go on the public transportation system for eight hours and ask 100 people. One of my favorite questions is if all technology just completely dissolved overnight, okay, and we had to go back to the time when it didn't exist, honey, we were, we were around way before computers were and we were just fine. Yes. Yes. You think people would be happy or they would be horrified? And you know what the, the answer that I consistently get? If you are above 45, like 50, they would be so relieved. Under 40 years old, they say we wouldn't know we'd get lost in our backyard. We don't know. They would. Right. And so when we're talking about the condition of relationships now, how much do you think people really and truly never were taught how to be with people in the first place? Like you said, their life experience is going to impact how they affect the people around them, right? Because it's going to affect their behavior. But how much do you think the general population now just truly doesn't know how to be around other people personally interacting with them for an extended period of time?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
I realize that people can act awkwardly. Yes. Yes. When they don't have technology around because they rely so heavily on it. And so because of that, you know, it can cause them to act, you know, awkward if that makes sense. Yes. And so it's important, I, it's important that persons realize and try to see how well they can make some changes when it comes to how they are really utilizing technology in the general population as well. I don't know much about that survey out there because I've never done it before. But just by observation, listening to news and talking with other persons and just viewing what's out there in general, we realize that technology has caused many people to lose a little bit of humanity, you know. So if technology was to disappear, maybe a little bit more of humanity would reappear and also persons do rely on it. And like I said, it serves its purpose. But anything that we overuse can be a problem. Thank you. By the talks about being temperate, be temperate in everything we do. And so whether it's for Christians or non-Christian temperance is so important. And so if we continue to just rely fully on the phone for everything or, or rely on technology for everything, then we're kind of losing a part of ourselves as well. So while it is helpful and we need it, I know I need it. And you, we, you know, I would imagine you would say the same thing. We need it for certain things and it helps in different ways. But it should, there ought to be a balance. Life is built up with balance. And I think if we can find balances with all of technology, we will find ourselves be more calm. The nervous system would not be overworking.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
I agree. I absolutely agree with you there. And you know what, when I was going to take a last break, but I'm not going to because I really want to keep this conversation going. What I teach people is I took ballet for about 16 years. I understood the difference between balance and center. My ballet teacher always said you need to re-center. Balance is very important externally because that's maneuvering and managing what we have and keeping the equilibrium. But that can't happen if you are not personally centered first. And she would literally take us out of the group. She would take us out of the group of 14 other girls that were going three girls at a time to do a one minute routine to this really fast music. She would literally say you need to stand out of the group and you need to re-center yourself when you have become re-centered, then you can come back in. That wasn't just about getting your balance. It was making sure that whatever is going on at the top was at your core, at your base and that by the time you got on the top of your toes, that was a straight line. Honey, that is tough, especially for a little girl. Her body is changing every day. It's weight distribution. It's about focus. It's about control, self-control internally. When people are not balancing what's in their life, it's usually because they're not emotionally and mentally centered within themselves. Now spiritually, you've made reference to Christian principles. Again, there are some very good things. Love your neighbor as yourself. That means you have to truly value the people that you're with, but enough to get yourself into a high quality state. Maureen, how much do you think people really don't know how to get themselves into a high quality state? Do you teach people individually how to do that in the kind of work that you do just to get yourself in good quality before you even come together with someone else? You mean trying to understand the question, are you asking how much do people get into knowing their qualities? How much of them not being able to get with another person is about themselves being off center? Not being able to get involved? Yeah, without other person. Yeah, getting involved with the other person when they're struggling in their relationship, how much of it is just because they personally are not in a high quality state.

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
So it's important that persons be able to be honest with themselves first of all. And once they are honest, and they're into an interrelationship, one of the things that I would say to premarital counseling is to make sure that you present your values and your belief system. Let the person you are talking with know your values, knows your belief. It's important to have those delicate conversation that so often people get caught up in just falling in love or just liking someone. And so they do not take the time out, maybe just from outward appearance, and they do not take time out to ask those hard questions. And that's the reason for premarital, as I call it, to help them to understand that each individual should take something to the table. So it means that your values are important to you. Let the other person know because what I realized, marriage happens, and then it is like a wake up call. Oh, I didn't know that you were like that. I didn't know that this was so. You could not know because there was no conversation around it. And so as you ask a question, it's important that persons really be transparent in the initial stages of the relationship. And now they're and the other person also needs to also be aware and ask those hard questions too. And then you put them on the table. And now you're learning about each other's values and each other's beliefs and what people prefer and what you don't prefer. And those things do help a lot. Yes.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Absolutely. And thank you so much for joining us, Maureen, today. What's your website, a place where people can go to get more information about you?

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
My website is called ChristianRelationshipCoaching.org. And you will see my services there. And also there's a little blog that sometimes I do provide different topics for every day relationship. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 – Gabrielle Cardona, Host:
Yes, it was wonderful. Thank you for listening into the power of synergy on BBS radio. We'll see you next week. Have a great week.

Speaker 2 – Maureen Herry Rose, Guest:
Thank you, you too.

Speaker 3 – Prerecorded Theme Vocal:
What's underneath? That's the power of synergy. You read the moment, missed the mind. You judge the moving or the design. Every action has a base. Every person has a pace. 16 ways to take it in. 16 ways to lose a win. What feels normal in your frame to someone else is not the same. You stop reacting, start to see. There's a pattern to identity. And when you learn the way they move, you know exactly what to do. That's the power. The power of synergy. I'm standing where you don't see same words, but a different code. Different minds on a different road. That's the power. When it all aligns, you stop guessing, start reading signs. It's not surface, it's energy. That's the power of synergy.