“Vatican Discovers Water on Moon! Annexes Portion of Lunar Surface” *LINK* *PIC*

Subject: 
“Vatican Discovers Water on Moon! Annexes Portion of Lunar Surface” *LINK* *PIC*
Posted By: 
Marcus
Date: 
Friday, March 14, 2008 10:51 pm

EPI; Friday, Mr. 14, 2008

“Catholic scientists, working in conjunction with astronomers operating within the Vatican, have discovered a sizable body of water on the surface of the moon. The remarkable find is approximately 5 miles in diameter and seems to have a significantly measurable depth. The unprecedented body of water is located near the large crater of Corlopaciopaflis, a portion of which extends into the dark, perpetually unlit side of the moon.

According to international law, the Vatican is exempt from the International Planetary Claims Act which governs questions of imminent domain and appropriations of real estate on other planets and/or asteroids located within the solar system. “The almighty arm of Christ our Savoir shall reach out to the moon!” declared Pope Ratzinger upon the discovery.

The Vatican plans to establish an all Christian lunar community next to “Lake Loma Luna,” named after the internationally renowned, reclusive Catholic nun, Linda Loma of Llamaloulou, Peru. The newly established lunar congregation will be protected by a large geodesic dome of typical, Vatican type bullet-proof Plexiglas capable of containing plant life and a breathable atmosphere. The dome will house living quarters, recreational facilities such as a bowling alley and soccer field, and will provide protection for a full sized replica of St. Peter’s Cathedral to be built for conducting Masses on the moon.

When questioned about the practicality of building a bowling alley on the moon, which has one sixth of the gravity of earth, Bishop E. Filbert Wainwright explained that, “it’s simply a matter of materials, of making the balls six times heavier out of something like lead or cast iron, rather than plastic resin. It all comes out in the wash,” he explained. “My best game so far is 103, which netted me third place in last year’s All-Bishop Bowlathon. I’m looking forward to significantly improving that score on the moon.”

The annual All-Bishop Bowlathon dates back to 1849, when the very first tournament was held in Dublin, Ireland and was attended by seventeen Catholic Bishops from throughout the European continent, including two Bishops from Moscow. Bishop Vladimir Proscovyette and Bishop Cartov Barbadov were personally escorted through the Napoleonic front lines outside of Moscow in the early winter of 1849 by Napoleon’s personal military guard. Although Napoleon and the French had no quarrel with either the Catholic church, or the concept of international sports competition, the history books are blank when it comes to any particular sport the French themselves partook of on a wide scale in the 1840’s. Apparently, there were none. Except for fencing and equestrian, of course, but these things weren’t considered so much a sport way back then, as they were necessary military and transportation skills.

Indeed, such was the case, when Jean Paul Lafayette drew his gleaming sword and came to the aid of the struggling Americans fighting for New Orleans during the next batch of wars - the ones after the Napoleonic ones. History can only speculate as to whether or not Lafayette would have gone to all the trouble, had he known beforehand that New Orleans would be virtually wiped off the map more than two centuries later by a devastating hurricane. Indeed, a rigorous investigation of such historical facts uncover many such unusual oddities worthy of responsible journalistic consideration.

Take the mysterious oddity of unexplained orbs of light, for instance. There’s no way Napoleon could have handled such an unearthly, ghostlike rumor circulating amongst his troops. It would have been sheer rebellion in the ranks. “God has spoken!” and “We’re all dammed to hell!” and whatnot, would have been the cry that doomed the battle, ere the first canon was ever shot. And if that canon were never shot, then why could not those unused cannonballs have been saved for Catholic bowling balls on the moon?

The next question must be put fourth in line: Was it, in fact, the sudden appearance of a bluish-orange colored celestial orb of light that determined the final outcome of the decisive battle of Waterloo? And will it be the sensational manifestation of a similar mysterious orb of extraterrestrial light, hovering o’er the newly discovered lunar waters of Lake Loma Luna, (as contrasted with “Waterloo,” or \"looer-wah-turs” - similar to the “Wahwah Terloos” of the Brazilian rainforest), that ultimately dooms the prestigious Catholic encampment, struggling for life on the powdery surface of the moon, to crushing defeat at the hands of the steadily advancing lunar armies of the English? To this, as with all such unfathomable considerations regarding the apparent future of mankind, we can only speculate.”
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