I may be misinterpreting things, or perhaps over responding to them, but it feels to me like everything on the planet is hung up in a state of suspended animation; either that or I'm standing still and life is swirling around me so fast it's impossible to see anything clearly. I can't tell if I'm I losing my grip or if I'm tuning into the infinite but I am beginning to think that they are one and the same.
The inability to figure out what's going on has forced me to adjust to another way of being. As soon as it became obvious that it was either go nuts, or accept the fact that life is vibrating at a much different frequency, after a few attempts to change the channel I discovered that at this point it's much easier to feel and observe than it is to think. If the mind spins faster than the emotional body, it made sense to me that if I wanted to remain tuned in, all I had to do was slow everything down and trust that it really is safe to let my heart get me from A to B.
Because I live in my head and because my survival seems to depend so much on the ability to write and arrange thoughts in a linear fashion, I've had to play all kinds of tricks on myself to get me to believe that I can work better from my heart than I can from my mind. In the last few months, coaxing ideas into words and sentences has been such an impossible chore, there's been no other choice but to abandon the mind and see what the heart has to say. Unsure of the outcome, and wondering if I would be able to speak from that place, the day before I sat down to write this article I received a sign that came to me in the form of a piece of information that totally blew me away.
I was told that Thoth, the great Egyptian deity, who is commonly known as The Scribe and is the totem God for anyone who writes for a living, was also known as 'The Heart'. Shortly thereafter I found out that Thoth was often referred to as the 'Tongue of the Heart'. If you've kept up with Drunvalo's work this will come as no surprise; if you haven't, it's enough to say that the ancients knew that the heart is the seat of intelligence for the mind, and in their world, it was Thoth who, among all his other remarkable abilities, embodied the ability to think, and write, and speak from the heart.
Now that it's OK to get out of my mind, let me introduce you to what's in my heart.
I feel like I've been in a workshop all of my life. A couple of weeks ago, this thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw myself at the age of sixty-two, gray haired and running a close second to Keith Richard in the wrinkle department, sitting through yet another week-long seminar.
Over the years I've been both the student and the teacher at these things; for the last five, it's been about helping Drunvalo out, at his workshops. On the day that I saw myself, I was running the microphone to a participant at an advanced Earth-Sky-Heart Workshop and every seminar, every ceremony, and every sacred circle that I've ever been part of flashed across the screen as I waited for the woman from Russia to finish her story. In the midst of this epiphany the Nazi in my head took the opportunity to come at me with; "Look at you. It's been forty frigging years. You've been wandering around in 'Workshop Land' forever and you still haven't figured it out. What in God's name are you doing here?"
On any other day I would have never given in to this routine, but on that day the whole question of 'what was I doing there?' made me ask myself what it was that made it my job to be a fixture at these events. Why, if I was supposedly 'living my dream', was I performing logistical duties at a Drunvalo workshop instead of hanging out with Sam Elliot at our secret hideaway in the back canyons of Sedona?
It doesn't matter who we think we are; every now and then a good reality check is in order. If we don't take the time to look at ourselves it's easy to forget that things change. We change. Every experience changes us. It's important to review our reasons for doing everything in regular cycles. If we don't, we get stuck maintaining whatever we choose to live with and the spirit remains in a holding pattern. Staying current with what we really want and who we need to be in order to create it requires us to look at our lives over and over again.
For the next five days, as I moved through each phase of the workshop, I conducted a little workshop of my own. This internal 'seminar' took me all the way back to how I wound up here in the first place. Like every other major milestone in my life, coming to Sedona to work for Drunvalo happened suddenly and it happened by default, at one of those points when I had nothing to lose and all the freedom in the world to lose it.
In examining my relationship to that choice and the whole question of why was I still living with it, I realized that after five years this job is closer to my real dream than the Sam Elliot one. Aside from the fact that my relationship Karma has put me on probation indefinitely, I have no doubt that if the Sam Elliot fantasy ever came to life, I would have a hard time being his dream girl. I am no movie star; and the poor man would die of neglect and/or boredom if he had to deal with me just being myself.
Fortunately for me, my boss doesn't have a problem with it — at the moment anyway. After looking at where I'm at, and putting the last five years together, I see that my inner and outer work is teaching me more about the heart than I ever dreamed of — and the longer I'm here the more I open up and the happier I get so, what the Hell? I think I'll stay right where I am until the time comes for the same force that brought me here to take me elsewhere — or not; who knows? I just might end up doing this forever.
NOTHING — (Or; Am I Turning Into Heather?)
I did nothing yesterday. It was totally fulfilling. I realized there was nothing to want, nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to see, and no one to be. "Nothing" scares us because it's where we have no choice but to meet up with ourselves.
I find it interesting that the Puritan Ethic is founded on the belief that "Idleness is the Devil's Workshop". When they invented their religion do you suppose they understood what being tireless in the pursuit of hard work and fruitful labor would do to us?
Just for the sake of experiment, try doing nothing for a day or two. If you succeed in getting past the mental chatter that starts by telling you, you can't spare the time, and proceeds to try to convince you that you're worthless if you do, you will find yourself at the Zero Point of your own experience, in a place where the cellular memory awakens to things that remind you that you are nothing but a nerve ending on the surface of Mother Earth, here only to keep your connection to the infinite open and clear.
LETTER TO A YOUNG WITCH WHO WROTE TO ME ASKING FOR ADVICE
I get a lot of email from people who ask me questions about a lot of different things. I could spend more time answering emails than I do writing books if I didn't know enough to stop myself. The following is a response that I wrote to a young woman who had just finished reading my witch books and wanted me to answer a few technical questions on circle casting procedures.
There are no rules for these things — you can do what feels right to you. Good magic doesn't go by the book, it goes by the heart; but you have to know the rules before you can work from the heart because, as with everything else, the price of freedom is discipline.
Regarding your question; what to do about the salt when the spell work is done?
The salt is a purification/protection substance therefore; the issue of discarding it is superfluous. Aside from that, when these traditions were developed the floors were made of dirt or the circle was formed outside and the salt became one with the Earth when the magic was over. The modern witch is sometimes working indoors, so we; sweep up the salt and cast it to the 4 winds, throw it into a river, bury it in the ground, toss it into the fire — or vacuum it up with the dust buster.
Regarding your question; can I use the same candle for casting the circle that I use for the spell?
The candle that you light to consecrate the circle can be the one you use for the spell. This is what I do. There is no rule for this either, not in my world anyway — and I am sure the rune witches up north used the same candle for practical purposes. The sacredness of the magic begins as soon as the circle casting starts so it takes nothing away from the magic if you use the same candle for the consecration as you do for the spell. After the circle is cast just snuff it out and place it on the altar; if you feel better using a separate candle that's up to you.
The level of formality that a witch decides to adopt is her own business, but be careful of too many rules; Magic is a female thing and the left brain constructs that have made it into "you have to do this before you can do that" are bullshit in my opinion; all that stuff was introduced AFTER the Inquisition; it is based on Catholic procedures and it is male. If you do this for a while you figure out that it ain't the color of your candle that gets the job done. Magic is natural. Your results will come from the depth of your wish to do it and you're ability to connect with what's in your heart."
Hope this helps.
After I sent this off I began to think about how, no matter what spiritual discipline we follow, when we're starting out we have to go by the book before we learn that it's safe to trust ourselves; the linear constructs, prescriptions, rules, rituals, and formulas that we use to expand our consciousness far enough to create whatever it is that we want, are necessary. Human beings need maps. But you can't get anywhere with just a map — by themselves, they get you nowhere.
I watch hundreds of people at a time come from all over the planet just to be present at Drunvalo's Earth Sky Heart seminars. All of them have their own map and are already well on their spiritual way. I am pretty sure that the reason they come so far to get the instructions straight from the horses' mouth is because the subtle energy realms are nebulous, by definition, and they want to be absolutely sure they're heading in the right direction.
If they struggle with the formula for entering the heart, only when they trade it in and begin to trust their own experience more than they do the instructions — or the teacher — do they figure out that the perfection of their ability to follow each step is less of an issue than their connection to the process. It is then that their hearts begin to open — from there, the waters are uncharted; if there are any further instructions they are unique to each individual and they are born out of the imagery that comes from within.
From what I have observed in myself and others, and from what little I have experienced in my own inner work, I am sure that the heart goes on forever. There is no end to it — and no end to what you can create when you decide to trust it implicitly and are surrounded by others who make it their home.
September 18, 2010
About Cal Garrison
Cal Garrison is a practicing astrologer with 40 years of experience. At present she goes between casting horoscopes, writing books, and working as the personal assistant to Drunvalo and Claudette Melchizedek. Editor in Chief at Drunvalo's online magazine, 'The Spirit of Ma'at', Cal is also a syndicated columnist for the Associated Press. An author with five books to her credit, and another one on the way, Ms. Garrison is well known for her affiliation with the late Slim Spurling. Out of love for her mentor she continues to support his research with her dowsing, through her articles, and as the spokesperson for Slim's tools at all of Drunvalo's workshops. A single mother with three grown daughters, Cal lives happily in the Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona. She can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org