Rage-Away is the world's leading dragon-exterminating company. We get rid of all types of dragons, including the newly discovered purple spotted dragon which has recently become a major disturbance in Philadelphia, PA. Our company consists of an elite team of scientists, archaeologists, dragon psychologists, businessmen, and our award-winning dragon extermination squad. We work hard every day to rid your life of the threat of dragons.
Greetings, and Welcome to Rage-Away!
Do you lose valuable sleep on a regular basis due to frequent dragon-related disturbances? Do you feel uncomfortable leaving your children in the hands of babysitters who run away when confronted by a dragon? Are you sick of getting earaches from the constant scream of the fire-alarm? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you've come to the right place. We at Rage-Away understand your concerns and will work our hardest to put you at ease - for a fraction of the price of other dragon exterminators!
The Complete Guide for Novices
How Rage-Away Came to Be
In 1250 A.D., there was a well known dragon-slaying knight known as Sir Stinkenstein. He became so popular that people would come to him from all over the land when they had infestations of dragons. They even offered him gold and silver. It wasn't until he hit 1,000 slayings that he realized he could start charging people for his services. He went on a great journey to make his name even more well known by putting posters up all over the land, advertising his superb ability to get rid of dragons. When he got back from his advertising quest, the people of his village cheered and threw gold, for their town had been dragon-free for an entire week - a new world record!
Within a year, his business served nearly 50 customers per week. Sir Stinkenstein realized that he could not do this on his own. He got his three brothers to help him with his business, and they eventually thought of a name for themselves - The Rage-Away Brothers.
Sir Stinkenstein's small company grew and grew until it reached 100 employees just before his death. He gave the business over to his oldest son, who was an excellent dragon-slayer as well. He followed in his father's footsteps by gathering more employees and practicing clever advertising techniques. Since the business consisted of far more than the Stinkensteins, they started to call it simply Rage-Away.
In the early 1900's, the owners of the company realized that not everyone could afford such services yet they still had severe dragon problems. So Rage-Away began started marketing dragon-extinguishers that people could use themselves in their homes. These extinguishers became incredibly popular that in 1946, a chain of Rage-Away stores was opened. This gave Rage-Away an even bigger name.
In 2004, Rage-Away's C.E.O., Maggy Maffia, developed a company website. She was still in college at the time, making her Rage-Away's youngest ever C.E.O.
Rage-Away offers many different kinds of dragon-exterminating services. A recent survey we took says that our most popular service is the emergency appointment system. For this service, we have hundreds of expert dragon-exterminators ready to come to your house on a moment's notice and get rid of your dragon problem. We also offer dragon inspections to make sure your house is dragon-free. It is a good idea to get a dragon inspection at least every two months. Another popular service is our dragon-prevention system where a dragon-extermination squad member will come to your house with our patented dragon-repellant and spray your home for dragons.
Here is a complete list of our dragon-extermination services:
* Emergency appointments
* Dragon inspections (monthly, bi-monthly, quarterly, and yearly plans)
* Dragon prevention (monthly, bi-monthly, quarterly, and yearly plans)
* Dragon extermination training classes
* Dragon education classes
* Dragon awareness program
We at Rage-Away understand that you may not want to spend extra money on having a professional dragon-exterminator come to your home. We also understand that you may want the satisfaction of having exterminated a dragon on your own. That is why we have released a wide variety of home dragon-extermination products which you can buy at your local Rage-Away store.
Dragon Repellant: This popular product keeps dragons at a ten-mile distance from your home. Make a habit of spraying your house every day. Dragons are smart creatures and have a very sensitive sense of smell.
Dragon Traps: These traps are designed to catch even the strongest and smartest of dragons. Put them around your house as well as in your yard. They are discreet and come in eight different colors!
Dragon Extinguisher: These devices are the same as used by our dragon-extermination squad. They are easy to use and are guaranteed excellent results. We also make pocket-sized versions of the dragon extinguisher for dragon-extermination on the go!
Dragon Education DVD and CD-ROM: With this education packet, you will learn how to get rid of dragons like a pro! Also available on video-cassette.
Dragon Vacuum: Not all dragons are large. In fact, many people have dragon infestations and don't even know it! That is why we made the dragon vacuum. With this device, you can easily get rid of smaller dragons such as the eastern web-toed dragon.
Dragon Darts: We realize that not everybody wants to kill the dragons that infest their home. With these high-quality darts and gun, you can shoot dragons up to 600 feet. They gently tranquilize, giving you time to call our squad to take the dragon to your local dragon-shelter.