In order for women to genuinely be able to assist in the process of 'transformation', we will also have to cultivate acceptance by givng-up complaining. If we really want men to change, we'll have to give-up this immature, knee-jerk reaction to men & look @ the pain that cements men in the position of doing the things that eventually lead women to complain.
This isn't to say women don't have the right to complain about real issues ... unequal access to employment opportunities, lack of daycare, domestic violence, unequal pay etc. Unfortunately we've gotten stuck in the process of complaining. Instead of reacting only to real, specific issues, women often cavalierly blame men for almost everything!
Complaining only makes men even more uninterested in risking the sort of dialogue women really want, for when women complain, men feel judged & abused. Instead of opening-up, they despair & withdraw, thus widening the emotional breach. Only to the degree that women can get-off the easy road of complaining & reach for the language that communicates our real needs, hopes & appreciations, our genuine desire for compassion, tenderness & Love, will we gain access to men's authentic feelings.
It takes maturity to get beyond the tit-for-tat view of life: You've oppressed me for 5 millennia now I'm going to do the same to you. To transcend the revenge mode is to take -on the larger & more compassionate view of those who have wounded us. Acceptance is a very deep, Spiritual enterprise. It is to see that we have all been wounded & betrayed, we all inflicted wounds & been betrayers. It is to shift the focus from what divides & differentiates us to what knits us all together, to discover at our depth & in our midst we are ALL ONE!
~ adapted by B.A. Gillies, C.R.B., from “The Men We Never Knew”, by D. Kingma