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What has caused the infamous Loch Ness Monster to surface? Is it global warming? Is it the shifting of the poles? Is it HAARP? I for one do not know the answers, but whatever it is, it must be big...

Dr. D.J. Slithers, from the Bookings institute in Scotland remarks, "The Loch Ness Monster is definitely suffering from a Germanic parasitic disease of the worst order. A blood sucking, mind sucking, soul sucking and life sucking German parasite is the ultimate cause. The poor monster must surface for air to try and rid itself of this ugly, putrid thing in order to regain its life. It would be best if someone on shore could just shoot the parasite and put the wretched thing where it belongs, and hopefully someone will."

In the meantime, cheap hawkers of the lowly sort are dancing around selling tickets for $50 to those who want a close-up of the monster in distress.

My best wishes go out to the poor Loch Ness Monster who suffers from such a Germanic parasitic disease...



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